Should I tell any of my closest friends??

[tightsplease1986]

Afternoon all

Whilst I enjoy discussing my crossdressing on this forum I can't help but feel it would help me become more confident if I could talk to my real life friends about it as well. I am DEFINITELY not telling any of my male friends (though I might if I knew they cross dressed too) and only have a few female friends who I think would be supportive of me in this. What is your advice to me people? Should I keep all my conversation on here or share my secret with a female friend or 2?

The good thing about sharing it with them could be that they have some old clothing or tights they don't want and might be able to get some stuff from them- but the down side could be they don't 'approve' of it and it ruins our friendship in some way. I might be able to pop the question about male crossdressing in an indirect way by using the Eurovision winner as a subject- saying 'what do you think of male crossdressers?' and then referring to Conchita Wurst.

Any help would be fab :)

Thanks

tightsplease

[Athena_]

Tightsplease

Sharing your crossdressing with others is a very personal decision. You will need to determine if your female friends can be trusted to keep your crossdressing discret for you, if that is your intention. Certainly, sharing you crossdressing with female friends opens up many avenues to explore. I only know that once more than a single person knows something, it is no longer a secret.

[JenniferYager]

Once the cat is out of the bag, there is no stopping it. Be very careful on telling anyone. I've only ever told my wife. Like you, I have thought about how nice it would be to tell others...then I remind myself that they could set off a chain reaction.

[ronny0]

Tightsplease

Sharing your crossdressing with others is a very personal decision. You will need to determine if your female friends can be trusted to keep your crossdressing discret for you, if that is your intention.

In addition, some women might be put off or freaked out to be asked to share their clothing with a guy friend.......
For some they might offer it up matter of fact, others might feel it is creepy.
I have a long list of friends that I don't think would be supportive....
I told one woman and everything turned out FANTASTIC.
Full support and a ton of clothing in the deal...
Later I told a guy friend. And the jury is still out on that topic.
He isn't into it, but at times it is ok.
Also my girl friend is extremely supportive buys me stuff etc etc etc...

[Beverley Sims]

I don't think I would do a big reveal just because Conchita is flavour of the month.
Others have good advice here.
I say don't, unless you are certain of a good outcome.

[kimdl93]

I hope there's something more you would gain besides a pair of tights! Think about your reasons for telling. Are you hoping to come out, at least to some extent or is likely to remain a very private hobby then it's best not to tell. If you are hoping to go beyond that, and you don't mind if more people than just your chosen friend learn your secret, then choose a friend and tell her. But choose wisely.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Tightsplease
I had done the same thing, i had a need or desire to share with someone I knew in person even though all the wonderful people here knew already. The best advice that was given to me was "Once you tell someone, it cannot be unsaid", like posting a picture on the Internet. There is no retrieval. Take a moment and script the proposed conversation out. Have an idea what may or may not be said not to mention that they may tell someone else that you may not know for advice. Can your career handle the damage control if they decide to tell someone you work with. Can your family?

I really don't wish to scare you. Although you never really know someone till they are drunk and mad at you. I do more reading than posting on this site. There is an amazing amount of good information from the wonderful people here. When I read something here that I wish to use I try to think off all the angles and I write it down then read it out loud so I can hear it as well. If the information sounds good and reads well enough and I can survive the damage control from family and work. Then I try it. Had I not then two people other than my wife wouldn't know my little secret. I know them well enough and trust them well enough that I shared with them something very personal to me.

Good luck

@--}---

[kelly0]

i agree with Jennifer and most of the feedback here. looks to be pretty sound advice. once its out.....there is no controlling where it goes.

my Wife is the only person in the world (whom i know and knows me) that knows about kelly. i have thought about telling more family members / really close friends. but thats as far as its gone --- just thinking about it. i know i'm not ready for that. love my life now and would not want that disturbed.

i hope this helps. and i hope You find comfort/peace

sincerely,
kelly
xxoo

[Tracii G]

I have a few GG friends that know but not sure my guy friends need to know.
I dress s a mix of genders girls shoes,jeans and tops.Bracelets and rings as well.My guy friends have gotten used to seeing me that way so its not an issue.
A few just think I'm gay or just different but have not asked if I was gay or a CD so I let it be.
Asking girls for clothes does sound creepy but if they offer accept it and don't make a big deal of it.

[Dena]

It can be tricky, I've told 2 of my sisters and it never comes up. It just isn't a part of our relationship.

[tightsplease1986]

Thanks to all who replied on this. I agree with every opinion here- and yes, it is something I need to decide whether I want ANYONE to know or not. Thing is on the forum I don't have to reveal any personal information like real name etc. so it's very easy for me to open up here, but just one 'careless whisper' to a good friend could have tremendous repercussions. There's only maybe 2 or 3 people I really feel I can tell in any case and I know that they won't tell anyone else if I say not to- but there are other ways in which I could get caught, like if someone were to walk into the room where we might be discussing it or even she might be giving me some clothing items, the first thing that's going to be asked is 'why are you taking tights/women's clothing home with you?'. I'd be busted well and truly!

I will probably go for the indirect approach and go down the 'did you see Eurovision this year' road and see what happens thereafter. If I get a response I don't like I shall say no more.

Thanks :)

tightsplease

[Nadine Spirit]

In general I would agree with those that have said be careful of who you tell as once you tell you can't un-tell as well as it is not possible to predict with 100% accuracy if they will tell anyone else.

Now with that being said I must choose my friends well as nobody I have told, male or female, has reacted poorly. I don't tell everyone and anyone I have told it has been after a bit of thought but it has always gone well and in fact people have in general impressed me with their acceptance. Especially the male friends I have told.

None of them have given me any clothes afterwards, though I am not in a position where I would need/want them.

Best of luck!

[KaceyR]

Pretty much matching what others have said here.
I have come out to 95% of my RL friends and my family (mom) (granted my friends list is a bit smaller than most due to decades of being cloistered on a night shift at work-little socializing) and had no problems and good support. They've seen me dressed and not had issues. But that's my group..already a bit eclectic and involved with or supportive of LGBT issues. So YMMV.
No, I don't get freebies tho... One offered but couldn't help due to size differences :)
She's got all my sizes however so if she finds something...

I haven't told coworkers yet..but that may soon with one.
It all depends on your individual situation and friend 'types'.

Good luck with whoever you do choose to notify. It does make a difference to have supporters with this usually solo/closeted thing.

[sarahcsc]

Hmm... I think to tell or not to tell is dependent on the context. A general guide I often use is to ask myself 2 questions prior to telling a person, "am I happy with my relationship with whoever I'm about to tell?" and "how is telling going to alter the way I feel about a particular relationship?".

To say that you want to tell because you wanted to get closer to another person begs the question "how much closer do you actually need to feel in order to be happy?" if you're happy with how your relationships are, then why risk changing it?

If you're doing it to bolster your confidence, then you should know that coming out can sometimes destroy your confidence as well. You'll get praises in the forum because this place is artificial and filled with people who could identify with you yet has little or no attachments to you. It is vastly different coming out to a personal friend who could never understand you, thought that hr/she understood you when they didn't, and had so much attachment to you that coming out would risk breaking that bond. Some people will attack you... Others won't. There's simply no way to tell...

I've done some silly mistakes coming out and lost some friends. Looking back now, I probably wouldn't have done it. But at least I know now who my friends are... :-)

[lingerieLiz]

Whoa there Tonto! First once you tell someone you have no idea how many they will tell. Soo.. you will be out to some degree. Secondly, most women I know don't share clothes with other women. Many will find it weird. Especially those that you ask for clothes. One final thing, are you the same size as them? If you are bigger they will think you think they are fat. If you are smaller they will be jealous.

[Adriana Moretti]

do they NEED to know? what will be gained? will you explode into pink fairy dust if you dont?...but seriously most gals..wait ALL the gals I told were cool...even a gay friend I told...but alpha males.....NEVER....I can go makeup shopping with my gal pals,,its great...sharing clothes though....i dunno...thats kinda gross ( my opinion) just buy your own...

[Katey888]

There's good advice (as usual..) here before me...

Try not to get sucked in by the acceptance you feel from this forum... :) While we are real, we do not really represent the normal response from the muggles... think long and hard about who you tell, but before that, think long and hard about why you want to tell.

Most normal folk would see what you do as a fetish at best - probably a sexual fetish at worst... but why do they need to know...?

And please don't use the secondhand clothes thing... :eek: That would, imho, be a Bad Thing to reveal...

Take your time - think on it... :)

Katey x

[Donnagirl]

I think I know how you feel... I also get a mix of, "What would it be like to tell someone?", "I want to tell someone, anyone" and "No more secrets, this is me, live with it." There are times I want to shout out to the world and tell them all about me.

There is a girl I work with, we have worked together for eight years now and if anyone would understand, she would. Or would she? Do I want to risk eight years of professional, social and personal friendship to satisfy my own short term, very short term gratification.

What is said cannot be unsaid. What is seen cannot be unseen. And do I really want to foist such an imposition on someone and have them now responsible for confidentiality?

This forum is just so good for providing that outlet, letting us talk, incognito or open to others who are so like minded. I think at times it does build a false sense of security and degrades the walls of security and secrecy we have built. Reverse the situation, would you like such a weight of conscious imposed on you?

Can I also suggest that they will not be falling over themselves to provide you with 'hand me downs'. Shop for yourself, it is amazingly gratifying!!!

Cheers,

[Melissa_59]

While there are people out there to whom it will be no big deal, and some will be supportive, there are also those who will do their best to use it against you. If you didn't feel like you needed to hide this you probably would have already told them, correct? The fact you have not told them already leads me to believe you're not sure how they will react.

You can't take it back, once you say it - that's been said here over and over. Unless they're people you know beyond a doubt - such as "they've shared intimate secrets with you" - I'd keep it to myself.

It is not a kind and gentle world out there.

Be careful.

~Mel

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi TP, Be careful what you wish for, You just can't un-ring a BELL !

[Princess Grandpa]

If I were planning on going full time it would make sense to tell my friends. As a part time cross dresser I plan to keep my secret as close as possible. I think it's unrealistic to believe anyone is going to keep your secret. Even a really good friend. The gossip is just too juicy to hold back. It is nice to be able to have someone to talk about this with. I think it's a real stretch to assume "if" your friends are accepting that they will be comfortable chatting about it. Good luck! Let us know what you decide and how it plays out.

Hug
Rita

[rachael.davis]

There's an old old joke about a Sgt. giving a class on field first aid, and saying if someone is bitten by a snake you cut an X incision at the punctures, and suck out the venom
Pvt. Pyle says But Sergeant - what happens if I am relieving myself in the bushes, and a shakes bites me in a private place
Well Son, that would become the day you find out who your real friends in this world are

You should only out yourself if you're ready to have a friendship end then, or if you're willing to think If this person ever gets really upset with me, they can ruin me

[Rhonda Jean]

If you tell anybody, you're essentially telling everybody. No way they keep that secret.

[tightsplease1986]

Hi guys, once again I am really really grateful for all these responses I'm getting :) I have decided I'm not going to tell anybody for the time being...I shall just keep it my secret for now. Nobody I work with or am close to needs to know. I am a closet crossdresser in private only so I need not divulge any information about this to anyone.

I am pleased I can talk about women's clothes with some of my friends though- I don't need to say I secretly wear them! I was chatting to one of my female work colleagues whom I consider a friend about tights today and how the Denier system works. I read up on it last night and was discussing it with her- she was impressed with my knowledge but also added that she knows many males who are familiar with this system and how it's good stuff to know.

Thanks once again for the advice guys :)

tightsplease

PS. I placed an order for some more tights online last night, should have them in a few days :D