For those wishing for more acceptance for cross-dressing ...

[Zylia]

... what do you consider a good or 'ideal' situation? Let's say transition and 'magic pills' are off the table because, frankly, you're a cross-dresser and you're happy with alternating between your male and female presentation or 'mixing up' what is considered a normal male and female presentation. Would you want to be able to go to work as your female 'alter ego' a few days a week? Or maybe even every day? Would you like to have a more androgynous appearance with a 'mixed' wardrobe? Do you want to be safe from ridicule and losing your job because of cross-dressing, even if you only do it in the privacy of your own home or at special occasions?

What do you really want?

Edit: adjusted the question for those who do not wish to present as a woman.

[Kate Simmons]

I have what I really want my friend since I'm retired and can do what I want when I want. When I was working, however, I always felt it would be neat to alternate between femme and homme. May have been confusing to co-workers but would have made me happy. :battingeyelashes::)

[Jenniferathome]

Zylia, I would only want that the occasional "double take" upon seeing me in public, didn't happen.

[kimdl93]

I'm afraid that I am over towards the TS side of this question. I've come to realize that this is who I am and how I want to live. What I need is the support of my partner in my decision to live as a woman the ability to dress, work and live as a woman at or something very near full time. I am willing and am making accommodations to address my wife's needs and concerns, and for the benefit of those members of my family who do not need to know.

[PaulaQ]

Although I can't answer this as a CD - I'm TS, what I'd like to see is CDs recognized as real human beings, with real needs, needs which are just as valid as ANY OTHER PERSON'S NEEDS! I'd like for CDs to be able to present as they saw fit, and treated with humanity and dignity.

[Debra Russell]

Just want to switch back and forth - incognito and enjoy this part of who I am....................Debra

[Beverley Sims]

I would like to see a safety from ridicule.

It would be nice to go to work dressed if this were the norm.

[devida]

It's a bit difficult for me to answer this because I get maybe 80% of what I want. I work for myself and I'm too old, self-confident and, even in makeup and short shorts too scary (though it might be the makeup and short shorts!) for any but the bravest to say anything to me about the way I present myself. I don't really alternate between male and female. I am between male and female. But to answer the question I guess I would prefer to be able to wear long dresses and more obviously femme clothes in public easily. I am too concerned with not looking stylish to wear something that might make me look silly, but if you want to wear a pink tutu, a push up bra, a see through chemise and bright green stockings with heels in public I really really wish you would, because I would applaud you and hug you if you would let me.

[samantha rogers]

As someone "in between", I would, in an ideal world, love to simply present however I feel at any time , whether that be fully male, fully female or somewhere in between, without worry about how others react.
In truth, I suppose I could do that now, were it not for concern for how my actions would impact my family. I expect, without those responsibilities, I would now be quite ready to try doing so regardless of consequence to myself.
However, as things are, I must content myself with various touches of feminity IRL counting on a bit of rock and roller in the personality my friends know in me to explain the jewelry and skinny jeans and so on. Sigh...
It is a compromise, but I can live with it.

[Amy Fakley]

Ideally ... some sort of far-future world where anyone can present any damn way they please anywhere they want, without question. As long as it's not you know ... it's not inappropriate ... 6 inch heels in the operating room would be a no-no :-)

I honestly think that some day this will be the world my descendants actually live in, it's just a matter of time.

If I lived in that world, honestly ... I doubt I'd really ever spend that much time in guy mode, though I suppose it'd be handy for yard work and fixing cars and stuff. Of course, being the far-future, I suspect I'd have a robot or something for that, LOL

[Jaclyn]

If I could be myself i'd be more feminine. But we all know the society won't let us. That's wy we all love this site so much. It's the one place we know we can be ourselves. Even at home there's always the threat somebody will stop by.

[Jaymees22]

I really like where I'm at and would like to continue my part time status. I'm retired and happy at this point in my life so for now I have what I want. Hugs Jaymee

[Rachael Leigh]

I really think I would enjoy mixing the waredrobe but there would also be times I would want to be in full girl mode. I love doing and working with makeup trying to get it just right.

[Eselka]

I think I'm more inclined towards the "mixed wardrobe" option. Of course being able to go out fully dressed without fearing social sanction would be amazing, but recognizing a dress or makeup as a "normal" form of expression for a man would be even more amazing :)

[typhoidmary]

I think my situation is almost ideal already. Sure I get a lot of crap from people who for some reason take issue with the way I look, but my friends love me for it and most people seem respectful enough towards me, and to hell with them if they don't. I feel comfortable going out in full makeup and wearing women's clothes becuase by now, I've been doing it for years and it's just sort of become my standard look. The only thing I do feel I'd change is that most women don't seem to be very attracted to me in general, or assume I'm gay or transgender. Needless to say, it's been a while by now, but hey ho.

[Katey888]

I'd go for safety from ridicule (and potentially worse!) in public and that freedom to switch back and forth for whatever occasion presents itself...

Probably not every day... although be nice to just relax at home in something casual when the feeling took me... :)

Really - just acceptance from my wife would be enough... but that isn't likely any time soon...

Katey x

[ShelbyDawn]

My ideal situation would be to not have to worry about the ramifications of how I want to present.
I would like to be completely accepted "as is" every day regardless.

I don't know if androgynous is the right word as I would want to have some definitely feminine features and would like to continue to live as my male self; for example, in this ideal situation, I would have modest breasts and no body hair. I would keep my nails painted and would wear a blend of masculine and feminine clothing. I love skirts and, let's face it, women's shoes rock but there is also something special about my ostrich boots, jeans and a nice button down dress shirt. I would not only get hair replacement but I would grow my hair out long enough to do something with it when I want to appear more feminine.(actually, I may do this one anyway)

Great question. Now we all just need to figure out how to make our dreams our reality.

[Adriana Moretti]

... Would you like to have a more androgynous appearance with a 'mixed' wardrobe? Do you want to be safe from ridicule and losing your job because of cross-dressing, even if you only do it in the privacy of your own home or at special occasions?


What do you really want?

Yea id go somewhere in between,,,but leaning heavy on the girl side....and saftey is important too...ridicule im not worried about, just ignorance

[AmarilloStephanie]

I would just like to be able to go out sometimes without the fear of impact on the non-cd part of my life.

[Deedee Skyblue]

I'd like to be able to wear a skirt and heels to work without trying to pass or blend.

Deedee

[mechamoose]

I'd like to just wear what I want and have it not be an issue for people. I'd love to feel comfortable wearing skirts out and about every day.

Like Devida, I'm quite content being in-between. I'm confident in myself, but I still get looks that I wish were not there.

I'm a bit envious of Indian society that actually has an accepted place for folks like me.

Great question!

<3

- MM

[Nikki A.]

I'm pretty sure that my present job would be pretty safe even if it became common knowledge that I dressed. Some already know and others may guess at it.
I guess that I would like to be more open and wear some of my more fem pieces, but I do need to maintain appearances.
The other thing is to know that I could safely dress whenever I wanted, although at this point in time I've never had a problem.

[Jilmac]

For me, acceptance from my adult children would be the most ideal situation. My biggest fear is losing their love and respect because of my dressing. I'm not quite sure if any of them know for sure that I still dress but I think some might suspect but have a DADT attitude

[CynthiaD]

I would like the choice of presenting as a female to be treated about the same as choosing to wear a red or a blue shirt.

[bonni]

I wish every day that I could go to work in femme and not get any flack from anyone. Just go in and do my job.

[Marcelle]

I would simply like to be able to dress whatever way I wish (boy or girl) and not have anyone care or bat an eye. This way if I felt it should be an Isha day then I would just dress as such (go to work, run errands, hang out . . . whatever) and nobody would care they would just say "Hey Isha" or "Hey XXXXXX" and go on with their day.

Hugs

Isha

[samanthasolo]

Well, if I had the convenience and freedom to do one weekend a month doing my girl thing TO THE NINES and a girls night out 1 or 2 nights a month with my wife.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Isha, I think if I was going to dress part time male and part time female, I would use the same name whatever I was wearing, so people didn't have to remember to make the correct choice. Other than that, I agree - I would like to be able to wear any combination of clothes I have (that doesn't clash terribly!) any time I want.

Deedee (you could call me that in any clothes!)

[suzanne]

"No Big Deal". A big, fat "So What?" should be the response to whatever we wear in public. Gays are approaching the point where the response is "Really? He's gay? So what? Let's move on". I want to hear about us getting similar treatment. Something like:
" Uh huh. New outfit?"
" That dress looks good on him"
"That top works/doesn't work with your skirt"
Not "OMG, he's wearing a dress! Call the gender police!"

[Zylia]

I started this thread month ago, but totally forgot about it. Here's a reaction.

Anyway, I'm not really surprised that some people would love to be able to go to work 'en femme' if not all the time, but I'm still curious about some of the more practical implications. Take the whole restroom issue for example (it's always about restrooms, isn't it?). Do you expect the company you work for to agree with you using the ladies' restroom on your femme days, especially if you have 'homme' days as well, or should there be a family restroom for people like us? Do you also want two company email addresses, one for each identity?

Ideally, for me, being a cross-dresser should be akin to being a Trekkie/Trekker. You don't have to talk about Star Trek all the time or tell everyone you like Star Trek, most people won't understand anyway, but you're also not going to work on a normal workday in your Klingon costume.

[Secret Drawer]

In so far as restrooms are concerned, it would be great if they were simply gender neutral, and in some places it is less of an issue then others. I would err on the side of caution and go with gender birth as to which restroom to use, unless you really are passing well or transitioning and living as a woman. It makes more sense overall to have one identity, regardless of gender presentation, it would be difficult to get two employee reviews and have two accounts etc. and so forth at work... (although it might be nice to get two paychecks!)

The difference between trekkies and CD's is in the general perception that CDing is somehow sexual. If we could wish that society would remove the sexual deviant label from crossdressing, that would be a good start. (Alas we have a long way to go considering we can't get past that even on this site!)

[Wildaboutheels]

More acceptance and a good or ideal situation? Maybe live in Florida where one can wear shorts year round. I also hear that people there pretty much concern themselves with interaction and not presentation.

The old "Act normal and treat me right and I will give the same back." A pretty simple concept.

[heatherdress]

If you think about what most of us want, we can attain - if we let ourselves.

Most of us seek acceptance of others - which we have no control over, regardless of what we wear or look like.

If we can just learn to "tune out" stares, double takes, smirks, or rare comments - many of which are perceived - as irrelevant, we could probably go most places we want to go, dressed the way we want to dress. We hold the power and are our worst enemy. We stay locked in hotel rooms and bedrooms. We assume people will notice us and do something negative. In reality, they most always - don't, and if they do - should we care?

I am focusing on the simple dreams and desires we have that we can attain and enjoy, if we let ourselves. I am not diminishing the need for safety. I also understand the constraints of spouse, family, friends and the workplace which are more difficult "wants". I am not suggesting it is realistic to go to work in heels and a skirt if we want to remain employed. But we should be able to figure out how to go for a drive, or a walk, or to the movies - dressed the way we want to dress. We don't need anyone else's acceptance except our own.

[mariehart]

I think secret drawers comment that comparison between trekking and CDs falls down because of the sexual aspect is valid. But it goes deeper than that. There's the whole role in society thing. Women have been liberated to some extent. So has the gay community. But a straight male wearing girls clothes? Not only is it seen as perverse but men are supposed to be macho by both women and men. That's the real problem. Men have a role to perform and any man who can't do it is despised. No wonder alcoholism and suicide are more common in young men.

[Zylia]

I wasn't comparing Trekkies and cross-dressers directly, I was trying to explain what a 'ideal' situation would look like for me. I don't think that cross-dressing as a peculiar but acceptable hobby is such a weird idea if you compare it to the idea of being able to go to work en femme one day and en homme the next.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I'd like to be able to go back and forth, but most of all I'd like to be able to wear a skirt everyday (anything not pants) regardless of gender.

[Krystalina]

I would want and is currently working towards an androgynous appearance which is predominantly female. 'Course my dream wardrobe would be all female clothing, but I'm a t-shirt and jeans guy, so that could go both ways. And shoes. Lots and lots of shoes, but the problem here is that there aren't that many feminine shoes that can fit my size 13 male foot. Just a week ago in fact, I was trying to see if I could get some platform Converse, but they only go up to size 11(female).

[Christen]

I'd love to be able to wake up each morning and decide how I'm going to present for that day, male or female, and not have anyone blink an eye.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Zylia, I would like to start with changing my wife from a DA-DT to accepting.