Yelled at from a car while out today.

[Jason+]

I had a few errands to run today. I needed to pick up some wine for later, go to the Payless and pickup the shoes I had ordered and get some lunch. For reference I was dressed like this (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?210972-Black-and-Red-Dress-with-a-Smile!&highlight=).

The first stop was at a Rite-Aide that happens to have a decent selection of wines and liquors. The staff greeted me the same way they always have whether in a dress or pants. I browsed through and found what I wanted and headed up to the front to pay for my items. An older gentleman in motorcycle riding gear said hello and asked how I was doing. After a brief chat he offered me the spot ahead of him but since he was there before me I said thank you and had him go ahead through.

Next stop was the Payless. After I parked the truck as I was about to cross the road I saw a car coming and waited for it to pass. After the car passed I proceeded across the road and heard the driver yell out "fag" as he moved away from me. I looked and without much thought answered with what first came to mind: "dumba$$." If he had anything else to say on the matter I didn't hear it. I am sure it had to happen eventually and as harassment goes it doesn't get much milder than that.

While it was a little surprising I can't say it had much effect on my day. If that is the worst thing that happens today it will have been a pretty good day. Obviously it had enough effect for me to want to share it.

[rachael.davis]

Panty Bliss' talk on drive by stupidity is wonderfull
http://www.queerty.com/watch-irish-drag-queen-gives-amazing-speech-on-gay-rights-20140204

[Genny B]

Sorry to hear what happened to you today Jason. Rachael has replied with a great link! Love Panty's attitude!
Genny B

[docrobbysherry]

Isn't it odd that so many vanillas think dressers must be gay or bi?

And, considering how common and accepted being gay or bi is in SoCal, I wonder why someone would yell that to insult u?

Why not, "You're outfit sucks!" Or, "Who dressed u, a 3 year old?" Or, "Did u buy that at Goodwill?"

[CrossJess]

Sadly you will get this, heaven knows ive had my fair share of abuse over the years. Thing is small minded people know no different, what amazes me is they always do it when they are in groups are driving passed its never on thier own to your face. Sometimes i do confront them and make them feel akward, my dad always told me the power of keeping calm and using words is always better at bringing someone down rather than physical violence.

[thewife/soon2bex]

This is so sad. People should be allowed to be who they are. I applaud you for being you. :clap:

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Jason, Sorry to hear some narrow minded jerk put a wrinkle in you day.
It's this very thing that keeps many of us from venturing out. The worst part of the whole thing is the jerk forgot all about you in less than 5 minuets after your encounter, and it was on your mind much longer than that.
So now about those shoes????? Heels by chance? Oh yeah, and wine!!!!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Jason+]

Panty Bliss' talk on drive by stupidity is wonderfull
http://www.queerty.com/watch-irish-drag-queen-gives-amazing-speech-on-gay-rights-20140204

Thank you Rachael, it was indeed wonderful!


Sorry to hear what happened to you today Jason. Rachael has replied with a great link! Love Panty's attitude!
Genny B

Don't worry Genny, most of the haters burned out their influence long before my first pair of panties.


Isn't it odd that so many vanillas think dressers must be gay or bi?

And, considering how common and accepted being gay or bi is in SoCal, I wonder why someone would yell that to insult u?

Why not, "You're outfit sucks!" Or, "Who dressed u, a 3 year old?" Or, "Did u buy that at Goodwill?"

Sherry, his motivations are unclear. Since it was a two or three at best word exchange, I don't know. The outfit at least as judged by my peer group here wasn't all that bad. It was a (C)Ross dress rather than my good will favorites but not sure that is truly relevant. :D


Sadly you will get this, heaven knows ive had my fair share of abuse over the years. Thing is small minded people know no different, what amazes me is they always do it when they are in groups are driving passed its never on thier own to your face. Sometimes i do confront them and make them feel akward, my dad always told me the power of keeping calm and using words is always better at bringing someone down rather than physical violence.

The interesting part here is that he was by himself as far as I can tell. I would for sure since grade school prefer to walk or talk my way out of a fight.


This is so sad. People should be allowed to be who they are. I applaud you for being you. :clap:

Thank you very much, that means a lot especially with what you have on your own plate.


Hell-o Jason, Sorry to hear some narrow minded jerk put a wrinkle in you day.
It's this very thing that keeps many of us from venturing out. The worst part of the whole thing is the jerk forgot all about you in less than 5 minuets after your encounter, and it was on your mind much longer than that.
So now about those shoes????? Heels by chance? Oh yeah, and wine!!!!
Much Love,
Kristyn

Kristyn,

Wrinkle yes, major, not at all. Somebody disliking me got burned out somewhere along 1st or 2nd grade long before I knew about dresses and heels. Wine yes, and what I was wearing at the time of the leveling of the charge was a lovely pair of red heels. What I was picking up was a pair of black patent flats and a new pair of tan summery sandals. As for the wine, it's currently taking any remaining edges off of a small wrinkle at best. :)

[Andy66]

It makes me laugh when people say fag, dyke, whatever like its supposed to be an insult... I mean considering that being gay isnt even a bad thing. What a dumb insult.

I like to call people dumb@ss too. Makes me laugh. It reminds me of the dad from That Seventies Show. :rofl:

[Tracii G]

Your return comment was priceless and sooo true.LOL

[typhoidmary]

I get stuff shouted at me once in a while, either that or things said loudly about me that I was obviously meant to hear... other than the things they say being idiot non-insults like "tranny", the part I find funniest is that almost no one says these things to my face, it's always when I've walked past and my back is turned. It's always men, too. You have to remember I'm not exactly a threatening presence, I'm only a bit above average height for a male and I barely weigh in at 135lb most days. It just makes me realise how pathetic these people are.

[Katey888]

Sorry to hear that Jason... Good response and the right one! :cheer:

It helps me to remember that a significant majority of folk out there are just plain stupid... And don't have the qualifications to prove it.. :)

You just keep on being you! (I know you will anyway - I'm backing a winner!) :hugs:

Katey x

[kimdl93]

Yup, altogether a pretty good day out. One idiot really doesn't matter.

[Marcelle]

Hi Jason,

Well handled on your part. An insult hurtled from a moving car demonstrates the courage of the person so I doubt he had the desired effect when you returned fire and probably spoiled his entire day. However, you got to go out, in a great outfit, great heels, get some wine and put a dumba&^ in his place. Congrats.

Hugs

Isha

[Krisi]

That's pretty rude but it's something that's going to happen to you from time to time. It's an indication that you don't "pass".

[Beverley Sims]

Jason,
Maybe he was asking for a cigarette. :)

You do have to take these comments in your stride and if they move on you can too.

[Alice Torn]

My very first full day out and about , in several towns, that happened to me as a used a crosswalk. Yelling something at me from a vehicle. I was dressed in a very short dress, dark hose, and black patent pumps, though, and a too short of a wig.

[Andy66]

That's pretty rude but it's something that's going to happen to you from time to time. It's an indication that you don't "pass".

Kind of hard to tell from still pictures, but IMO he passes better than some genetic women Ive seen.

By the way, nice outfit, Jason. I especially like the shoes.

[Eryn]

I'm sure that calling that person "dumb***" made him stop, reconsider his position on LGBT issues, and develop a whole new attitude toward us.

Or, perhaps next time he will rise to your challenge with physical assault.

Angering stupid people is seldom wise.

[Sandra]

That's pretty rude but it's something that's going to happen to you from time to time. It's an indication that you don't "pass".

Well how bloody rude...it shouldn't matter whether the individual passes of not, it doesn't give anyone the right to go around name calling!

Jason I love your reply..these people must lead very boring lives to have to go around name calling.

[samantha rogers]

The world is full of angry people carrying around the baggage of anger, hate, stupidity and pain. They always want to share that baggage and get others to carry it with them. The best way to refuse to do so, I think, is to smile and wish them a nice day as you walk away without picking up any of that baggage. If you let them anger you then in a way they have won. Haven't they?

[Lorileah]

I'm sure that calling that person "dumb***" made him stop, reconsider his position on LGBT issues, and develop a whole new attitude toward us.


There seems to have been an issue with timing, I am sure Jason would have loved to sit down and buy the guy a drink and discuss the intricacies of being in a TG world. However, the guy was driving away and a one word reply was all Jason could do :)
I am not sure the reply was enough to cover why the poor guy was born in a kennel to a mother who didn't know what breed the father was. :)

Yes we all know the correct response was throwing your middle finger...no wait that wasn't it, um...running after his car to prove you aren't ga...no that wasn't it...Oh yeah, ignoring him....yes that's it, but we are human and we don't get to plan these things out.

The man was an ass,always was an ass and he will remain an ass. You can educate the ignorant but you can't do anything with stupid

(with apologies to mixed breed equids)

[Majella St Gerard]

Once someone yelled "QUEER" at me from a moving pick up truck, that's how cowards act.

[LilSissyStevie]

When I was a teenager, about the time you heard "fag" a Schlitz bottle would wizz by your head having been thrown from a carload of jerks. And that was just for having long hair. Then they would hurl their greatest insult:"Are you a boy or are you a girl? (http://youtu.be/yDpGsFI3WNg)" :heehee:

[Bria]

I'm with Lorileah on this, you can't fix stupid!!

Hugs Bria

[Eryn]

There seems to have been an issue with timing...the guy was driving away and a one word reply was all Jason could do....

My point was that lowering oneself to the same level as the drive-by shouter has no upside other than a momentary sense of one-upsmanship. Shouting back has several possible downsides. An dangerous downside might occur if the shouter happened to have one or two equally intolerant friends along. Escalating the situation could easily lead to the car stopping, a face-to-face encounter with the angered occupants, and an unflattering story in tomorrow's news. A lesser downside of responding is that it tells the shouter that you heard what he said and it had the desired effect of hurting you. This encourages him to continue his behavior. Leaving the shouter doubting whether he was understood is better in the long run. :)

Young GGs have to put up with catcalls from passing autos fairly often and they quickly learn that the best response is no response.

[reb.femme]

Hi Jason,

You can't beat a piece of drive by bravado. How did you know his ass was dumb though? :devil:

Rebecca

[sandra-leigh]

I'm sure that calling that person "dumb***" made him stop, reconsider his position on LGBT issues, and develop a whole new attitude toward us.

And if Jason had ignored the person, the driver was going to stop himself and say "Wow, the fag ignored the insult so well, maybe those LGBT people aren't so bad after all; I should reconsider my yells" ?

When I was around grade 5, a kid from another school kept bullying me. He didn't know me other than by sight, but he would insult me, be pushy, call me "fag", and so on. I tried ignoring him, but he just stepped up his bullying. He was a bigger kid and a year ahead of me. His bullying occurred in parks where the only "authority" was the police. He had no respect for me.

Eventually I got tired of the situation. So one day, I went alone to a park area that I knew he would pass through soon, and waited (not long.) I told him that I didn't know why he was bullying me, but since he was obviously not going to stop, that I was challenging him to a fight. He didn't apologize or explain; he said, "Okay". I took my glasses off and put them aside, asked him if he was ready, and he said yes; when then fought (by hand). I didn't have experience fighting; my body was not a "fighter's body", my arm muscles were not well developed; I was smaller and lighter and younger and less experienced than he was. But I wasn't a push-over. In time he tired me and pinned me, and I conceded the fight; he was tired himself and he accepted and helped me up. And invited me over to his house. We became friends.

I could have been hurt, yes. I took that risk. What I did not do was allow him to continue bullying without a challenge, did not accept the idea that if he was going to bully that I should just grit my teeth and take it. I made it clear to him that it was not acceptable, not angrily but still in terms that he could understand and respect. In turn, to him, I stopped being "just someone to push around": I became an equal, someone who was not afraid of him -- brave, even, considering his obvious advantages.

I am not, in relating the above, promoting violence: I am pointing out that some people consider ignoring provocation to be a weakness, an indication that you will not struggle because "you know you deserve it" or because "you know you are powerless". A return insult can thus be a signal that you "have some spirit". There is, yes, a risk, especially in a gang area, that the other person might feed a need to "show you who is boss". Sometimes you need to "earn a little respect"

[Farrah]

Some people are idiots. He probably did that because, he hasn't built up the courage to come out dressed!...I sure you looked amazing! :)

[tracigirl_tv]

....and let us not forget the positive experience with the gentleman at Rite-Aid. So the tally is one positive, one negative.

Funny how the negative experience always stands out (funny = peculiar).

Thank you for sharing this, Jason.

hugs,

Traci

[Momarie]

Absolutely Erin.
As a woman, it's scary but the best thing to do is to ignore it.
And not give them the power to know it's unsettling to you.
Only a man would invite confrontation in that kind of situation.

[PaulaQ]

@Jason - please be really careful and aware of your surroundings hon. There are men who will assault you because they don't understand you. This has happened to friends of mine. The minute you put on a dress, your normal "I'm a dude - don't F*** with me" aura is just gone. And some insecure and hateful people will do a lot worse things to you than call you names.

If you are going to be out, some self-defense training is not a bad investment of your time and money, in my opinion.

[sandra-leigh]

Only a man would invite confrontation in that kind of situation.

All of the participants of the Women's Liberation marches must have been male, because women would not have invited confrontation??

The topic is sometimes referred to as "street harassment" and it is a big problem. If you search you will find many internet sites in which active reaction by what appear to be women are described, and resistance strategies are discussed (http://ottawa.ihollaback.org/top-ten-myths-of-street-harassment/). Are we to understand that those are really men in disguise?

[mechamoose]

Small mind is small.

You were just more than he could handle, honey! Offer him a tissue.

- MM

[Eryn]

Only a man would invite confrontation in that kind of situation.


All of the participants of the Women's Liberation marches must have been male, because women would not have invited confrontation??

Sandra-Leigh, I emphasized in bold font the part of Momarie's post that you apparently overlooked.

We must pick our battles, and only a fool picks a battle without being in a position of strength. The marching feminists you mention were in a position of strength.

[Momarie]

Thank you Erin.
That's exactly what I meant ~ being in a position of strength.

[sandra-leigh]

We must pick our battles, and only a fool picks a battle without being in a position of strength. The marching feminists you mention were in a position of strength.

I personally witnessed protests of about 5 women, and of about 10 women. That second one was single-file, signs held up in hands (and so not ready for defense). The only "strength" in their position was that assaulting them was technically illegal, even if not as illegal (then) as assaulting a male. Not that there was any police protection available. For a couple of those 5-women protests, the police where there not to protect the women but to take them into custody as soon as they did something illegal like touching one of the cars driving through the protest group.

You apparently overlooked my reference to street harassment, and the link there to a project to resist it -- including by yelling back. Are all those women "fools" ? You and Momarie are dangerously close to using a "No True Scotsman (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_true_Scotsman)" argument.

[Ladynlingerie]

There are a-holes everywhere. don't let it get you down. Put on your big girl heels and move on...

[Eryn]

I personally witnessed protests of about 5 women, and of about 10 women....

How does a group of five protesters, each of whom has the others for support and who are within the sight of authorities, compare to a lone woman on the street confronting someone who has already proven that he is hostile toward her?

The worst thing that could happen to the protesters is that they are taken into custody if they violate the law. They each have the others and all the onlookers as witnesses if anything illegal occurs.

The lone woman has no support and no witnesses. She could very well end up dead with her attacker completely unknown.

Are you sure you still want to advocate an aggressive approach from such a weak position? This might encourage someone to make a decision that will end her life.

I read your links about street harassment. The Hollaback website says:


We don’t ever want you to get hurt trying to help someone. Always think about safety and consider possibilities that are unlikely to put you in harm’s way (e.g., calling 911, getting a group together, etc.)

Apparently they also acknowledge that safety comes first.

[Momarie]

A True Scotsman might take such a aggressive approach...
But a lone woman on foot in heels and a dress wouldn't.

[Jason+]

Kind of hard to tell from still pictures, but IMO he passes better than some genetic women Ive seen.

By the way, nice outfit, Jason. I especially like the shoes.

Andy, thank you for the compliment I do like those!


I'm sure that calling that person "dumb***" made him stop, reconsider his position on LGBT issues, and develop a whole new attitude toward us.

Or, perhaps next time he will rise to your challenge with physical assault.

Angering stupid people is seldom wise.

How does he know my voltage regulator isn't one "fag" away from tripping off line?

Instead of responding in kind I could have asked if felt that way all over or just in spots. Lorileah's tongue in cheek solution might actually have worked better. Maybe I could have invited him to the Tilted Kilt which was next to the Payless in the shopping mall and discussed it over a beer. Chances are the kind of person willing to accept such an offer and possibly learn from the encounter isn't the same type who would shout things out of a car in passing.


Absolutely Erin.
As a woman, it's scary but the best thing to do is to ignore it.
And not give them the power to know it's unsettling to you.
Only a man would invite confrontation in that kind of situation.

And as a person, man or woman, sometimes you need to speak up within the boundaries of your personal safety. Would I have responded differently if it was 2:00 am outside a bar in downtown Los Angeles and our vocalist wasn't the only one in his vehicle? Assuming I'd already made the string of mistakes necessary to be there by myself I would like to think I have the presence of mind to adjust my response but after all I am a man.


A True Scotsman might take such a aggressive approach...
But a lone woman on foot in heels and a dress wouldn't.

I'm Irish, English, and Welsh with some Scot thrown in the mix if you listen to my grandmother. What that effectively means is that the only thing 2/3 of me agree on is they hate the other 1/3. :D I am not 5' 2", 120 lbs or a woman. Without heels I'm 5' 11" and more than I'd like to admit past double 120 lbs. With heels I'm 5' 11" plus the height of two weapons of opportunity. This also could be patently "man" thinking but I have to work with what I am.

I am not implying that the way I handled it was the best I could have or advocating for rising to every challenge issued. I also can't accept the basic tenet that quietly ignoring catcalls and insults is just part of being a woman and should be accepted as almost a right of passage. Women and Men are both worth more than that.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Aggravating a bad situation is always a bad idea, you never know what people are capable of today. This isn't Happy Days and 2 guys who have a disagreement may not just put up their dukes, throw a few punches and call it a day. There are plenty of insane people today, living in a time where human life means very little and you never know what someone is capable of. If you can let it go, why not let it go? Why put yourself in a riskier situation if you don't have to?