Natural feminine mannerisms

[Tina_gm]

I am one who has them. I have had them all my life. In fact, until a couple years ago, I did all I could to not display them, often without success. Now still... I do try to keep them at bay, especially when around other male friends.

I know how to cover them up if I reallyt need to, but, now that I am on a journey of self acceptance, I am finding this harder to do. Perhaps because now there are times when I don't hold them in and I let them occur naturally?

For me, my biggest is sitting. God do I sit like a girl. legs crossed, arms down and in, and often crossed. I have been told I have a girly walk and stance, and my hand gestures can be girly at times. While this is not a constant, it happens. Anyone else have this going on and struggle with it?

[PaulaAnn]

It's not a struggle for me,it's natural and is who I am.In fact ,I'm so happy that I no longer must mask my nature.
PaulaAnn

[Nadine Spirit]

Oh all the time! I too have done it all of my life. It always bugged me that others always commented to me about my mannerisms. I have learned to control them also, but only when directly thinking about it. But lately I have been telling myslef that it is okay, it is just another aspect of me. And actually I kind of like it and I think people's responses are funny. I always imagine what they must say about me when I am not in the room, but now instead of being bothered, I am amused by it.

[RenneB]

I wish this came natural..... I for one, have to work at it. I am constantly watching my walk, making sure one foot in front of the other, feet straight.... In the winter, after a few steps I catch myself turning around to check my footsteps.

For some of the mannerisms they've become second nature. Getting into the car butt first and crossing my legs is now a full time habit, in both modes. I now even brush the bottom of my slacks at work before sitting down at the desk. Just habit I guess.....

Renne.....

[Emogene]

My councilor has indicated that I most probably have an actual split personality given my inability to totally control when and how I feel or present as a female. There were other factors in the diagnosis such as a late appearance with no previous know precursors to cross dressing and a major mental trauma shortly before Emo made an entrance, etc.. When Emo wants to flaunt it (or is simply present), I am often the last to know or notice. My SO, for instance, can simply look at my face and knows who she is talking to at the time. Since we, and I do mean we, are who we are I, the male component, just have had to learned to accept that I am what I am.

That does make for an interesting selection of say socks of a morning while dressing. :)

[Tina_gm]

Nadine, I find that when hanging with my male friends I am able to control it more, and more of my masculine traits are present. it is around women that I seem to have to be more aware. And Drinking definitely does not help at all lol. I was about 10 beers in to an all day all night party, I was walking back from a drinking game and my wife's sister commented on how I was walking so girly, I wasn't trying to. My wife had had her share too and let me know loudly that her sister thought I was being girly.... So then I really let it loose walking to the food table just to do so., My step grand daughter then said, gramma, he needs to wear a skirt and heels..... kids lol they know more than we realise....

[Nadine Spirit]

That is too funny!

Yeah around women my mannerisms also come out much more, and yes when drinking also!

[Michelle789]

I had natural feminine mannerisms as a kid and a teenager. My parents did everything in their power to repress me. They always called me on them, and I slowly learned to repress them over the years, to the point where they became practically non-existent in the past two years. Now I'm trying to regain them back. I'm truthfully not sure how masculine or feminine my mannerisms are. I can definitely sit cross-legged like a lady, aside from that I'm not really sure where I am on this.

[Kristia]

Hello. I'm new, only found out this website existed a couple of days ago. Hope I'm not butting in adding my comment as a newbie.

I postulate mannerisms are purely physical, but that too does affect the minset. Minset comes into play, for example if your body is weaker (I.E. you are a small woman), you mentally compensate by doing things differently than a stronger bodied person (I.E. a big male) will do them. Another thing that affects the mindset is what you like, or try to emulate. For example, if a boy is brought up by mom, dad is not around, then the boy may grow up trying to emulate mom in every way because that's all he sees. Other than all that, after a child begins to walk, no one helps the child do it any more, everyone just grows up walking however they see fit to do it. There are a few exceptions to that, yes you can be trained to do things a certain way or the other until it becomes habitual (parents, finishing school, whatever), but most people end up with mannerisms that are most efficient for their physical body type (and again, that does affect the mindset).

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o GM, And Kristia your butt is here for that very reason.
I think this has a combination of nature and nurture. Both playing a part here. We generally do whatever comes naturally, it's just easier, but society has nurtured us to do what is expected. When we relax and feel society isn't watching we revert to our natural actions.
I don't know if I would consider it a struggle, but something I'm aware of.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Marcelle]

Interesting thread GM. I tend to do "guy" much easier than "girl" but there was a time in my life when "girl" was more prevalent. It had nothing to do with CDing and more to do with environment as I was raised in a all "female" home and my mannerisms were taken from that environment. When I went out to the world I had male friends say . . . "you walk like a chick" or "don't be so girly". So I mimicked my male friends and took on the guy persona. Flip forward to now and "girl" mannerisms came easy but I did struggle at first. Now I do find some of them are finding their way into "boy life" and at first I tried to mask but gave up. Really in the end it is who I am so I am good with it.

Hugs

Isha

[devida]

I remember being teased on the street for my walk by other boys when I was nine years old with my parents in New York City. When I came back to the States as an adult I was amazed at just how feminine my walk and mannerisms were compared to most American men, although they had seemed quite normal during my teenage years in Europe. So I do wonder how much of this is cultural rather than gendered. I do understand that American men don't cross their legs because they have to constantly present with enormous genitals lest anyone mistake them for women but isn't this just a bit silly? I found this hyper masculine type of walking, sitting and gesturing pretty unattractive and although I did, while in my twenties, make some vague attempt to be more macho, I gave it up. Very few people have the courage to ask me why I'm wearing effeminate clothing let alone mention my so called effeminate mannerisms.

There was a really interesting discussion on Dan Savage's podcast about how these days even among gays effeminate mannerisms are criticized due to the development of bro culture among gays and particularly on the dating sites. That was depressing! I have hung out with American gay men most of my life partly because I found their mannerisms more comfortable. I may have to return to Europe!

[Beverley Sims]

I have them and I do look theatrically articulate sometimes.

Talk with my hands also.

I get by. :)

[samantha rogers]

Ah, this is an interesting topic for me.:battingeyelashes:
I honestly cannot remember how I might have moved when I was young. We lived in a very aggressive and homophobic area when I was young and I quickly learned that to survive I needed to adopt very masculine physical mannerisms as I was thin and not particularly strong. I believe that this effort to learn to "play" a man, coupled with an artistic imagination led directly to my becoming an actor. Now, after decades of experience playing many different male characters, and with a lot of professional training in isolating patterns of movement for different roles, I find I no longer know exactly what was perhaps once organic to me.
Having only recently begun to go out and be around others as myself, I have to struggle not to "play" at feminine mannerisms and movement, but rather to allow myself to rediscover the natural actions and movements that might have evolved organically if they had been allowed to by circumstance. The training and experience has been a mixed blessing. On one hand, knowing how to observe and mimic is now a great benefit. On the other hand, I specifically do not want to fall into once again "playing" at this as though it is just another role. I want to find what is real and authentically me. Sometimes I catch myself, and realize I am falling into easy stereotypical moves and need to pull back and force myself to allow things to unfold naturally. It is challenging, but extremely rewarding when I make progress in this.
Rewarding not in the sense of succeeding in moving so as to "fool" others, but in getting closer to experiencing the joy of reconnecting with who I might have been and who I still hope to be.
I don't expect many will fully understand this situation, but perhaps some may.

[Eselka]

I definitiely have feminime mannerisms (though I can't remember if it also was the case when I was a kid). Sitting, walking, hands... But it feels natural and I've never ever heard a single negative comment about it, so I don't see it as problem :) You may have a point devida, I live in France and putting aside the recent bursts of homophobia it's a very tolerant society.

[Richelle423]

I always look at mt nails with my hands stretched out and I tend to sit with my knee over one another.My grand father and father did so as well so I don't know if that is a fem gesture at all.I watch talk shows and see male guests crossing thier knees.

[Katey888]

This is a really interesting perspective on how we do what we do...

Mannerisms aren't innate, are they? As Devida has indicated for us Europeans, there's also a cultural perspective - and Sammie has been trained in the performing arts (which, after all, is what we all do - perform - consciously or subconsciously, as guy or en femme..) so mannerisms and persona can be trained.

But then there'll be some things that come through naturally... I wish I'd had some sisters or female cousins to learn from... I have to think a lot about my posture and movement... the only part that apparently comes naturally (according to my wife, anyway...) is that I dance like a girl... :cheer:

Disco, anyone...?

Katey x

[Eryn]

I've always felt comfortable crossing my legs like a girl, and could even cross them twice. I had to consciously teach myself to cross them like a boy so I wouldn't get teased.

The other day, I was with a rather out-there young lady who, despite wearing an above-the-knee dress, managed to cross her legs boy-style while remaining modest! I was amazed! :)

[Farrah]

Now that my wife has accepted my dressing (YAAAY), I no longer mask them at home. However, I do mask them everywhere else. ;)

[Abbygirl]

Gendermutt,
I say, let it all go and just do what is comfortable! I have had similar mannerisms all my life and I can empathize. I don't cover them up as much as I used to- the older I get the less I care. (I just want to be me - if I don't do it now then when am I going to?)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi GM, I will some times catch myself walking in a feminine manner sometimes.

[typhoidmary]

I've been told I walk a bit like a woman, I'm not sure if that's from wanting to look effeminate or just because I'm so uncoordinated and prone to losing my balance though, probably a bit of both. I don't really pay much attention to it. My voice is kind of high pitched as well, tbh I really hate it because I sound like a 14 year old private school boy whose voice just broke, or something. At least it means my singing voice is kind of unusual, I guess.

[Paulacder]

Setting is also my biggest give away. I also have a very feminine smile, so I have ben told, the smile comes natural, I don't do it intentionally however seeing photos that have ben taken, it's obvious.............

[mariehart]

I think it's generally accepted that you can adopt mannerisms particularly when you're exposed to them constantly. It has been suggested that gay men are often become more 'camp' when they're exposed to others who are camp. The opposite must be true as well. But the implication of all that is that it's not just nurture you have to be acting against your nature in order to take on the mannerisms of others.

But also crossdressing could be seen a role play. We are all natural actors whether we know it or not. Dressing in a skirt and then sitting around legs wide apart isn't exactly realistic. On the other hand if you dress up as a Confederate soldier to re enact Gettysburg it might be a good idea to adopt a southern accent, chew baccy and spit like trooper would.

I do think we all have natural mannerisms whether we hide them or not. I do have natural 'female' mannerisms but for many years I was of the belief that I was hiding them well. But with hindsight, as far back as school others saw that side of me. It's really only now putting together various incidents over the years do I realise I wasn't hiding them very well. A friend described me once as the nearest thing to a woman and still pee standing up. I thought it was funny and didn't tell him I preferred to sit down! My wife sees it in me.

But lately I made a decision to stop pretending and just be myself. Now that doesn't mean I've turned camp. But I stopped trying to act like a man. I'm no good at it anyway! Never fooled anyone. I feel much more relaxed now.

[mikiSJ]

When I was 18 (1965) I was having a refreshment with two girlfriends (one more than a girlfriend) and out of the blue they both said I should have been born a girl and I thought "oh, sh!t, do they think I am a fairy!.

Hmmm, maybe they knoew something that took me almost another 50 years to realize.

[Tracii G]

Gender mutt I'm like that too I can't help it.Once I get comfy around someone I tend not repress it.

[mechamoose]

"Mannerisms" == public display

Are you being YOU or are you wearing a mask?

If you are wearing a mask, WHY?

Dare to be yourself! The people who really give a s#!t about you won't turn you away over it. If they do, they weren't really your friends.

- MM

[Tina_gm]

A great many interesting replies, thank you all. Not that I am really surprised by any of them.... but nice to know that when it comes to this aspect of my femininity, I am far from alone. My wife is the person who is the only person whom I am able to allow myself to just be. I know ultimately that is a choice.

One thing that surprises me still is the randomness of it, and how sometimes my wife will comment on it when I am less realizing I am showing them then other times when I feel more likely that I am. I continue to be puzzled by that.

It is not a big surprise that when I am feeling more in a feminine mode, the mannerisms are more likely to be present. They still do occur randomly not just in a more feminine mode, but sometimes when in a more masculine mode as well. Less often, but sometimes I will do something that my wife will see or remark on, and sometimes because of it she will think I am in a more feminine mode than I am. Maybe because it is happening less frequent so it stands out more?

In both masculine and feminine modes, (when I am letting go) both masculine and feminine mannersims are present, and what comforts me most is that I do not make any attempt to direct any of it. In fact, when I do let go, I never attempt to direct any mannerisms toward the fem side, it is just allowing them to occur. Even while dressed, which I do alone, I am not purposely behaving in any physical way more feminine, although I am fairly certain that I probably am, simply because I am most connected to my feminine side.


To those who suggest I simply let go all the time and let it happen however it happens, that won't be happening. I have built a life with only the masculine side present. I have so much invested into that life which I do not want disrupted. It is not a mask I wear, at least in my case, it is more like a stereo equalizer. It has masculine, mid range and feminine. I have parts of all of those which are present at all times, and in a fairly equal amount. In public and to all those who only know of the masculine and perhaps mid range, those are what I will keep present. Basically I just dial down the feminine so what is seen is just the masculine. At times it can be a bit of a chore, and an annoyance, but for me it is a livable situation.

[mechamoose]

I'm both genders. It sounds like you might be as well.

You have to protect what you need to, but there is a path there.

PM me sweetie!

- MM

[Darling Micki]

Samantha,

An intersting thought on this.
how does one be themselves when they have spent so much time attempting to be other people.
stereotypical mannerisms may not be wrong if they happen naturally.
It may be that having to take a step back and forcing things to happen is not the correct course of action.

Who knows.

I find that when I'm dressed a number of my mannerisms appear very femme. Some have commented while I was showing off on cam about them.

My personal thoughts are to always be yourself, to the best of your ability, without thinking about it too much.

Ttfn now gotta get back to work.

[Allisa]

Oh my have I, my hand movements are more fluid and when using my fingers only the ones needed are utilized the others are held up out of the way and I tend to clasp them more when not in use. Crossing legs at the knees and also at the ankles with knees bent and together. Just lately I was told that when I let my hair down from my pony I turn my head pull the band and then swish my head from side to side and fluff with both hands, I never thought about it before. I also make that" tsk" noise when things go wrong so I need a lot of restraint at times. I know there are more but those are the most prominent.

Bye-Bye Lisa

[missmars]

I don't have natural female mannerism.

[Petra_Briar]

I don't know if I have natural feminine mannerisms because as a kid I was teased because I was tall thin and pretty sensitive....not the macho type. I did a lot to try and get people to see me differently. Now at 50, I no longer feel the need to be macho but I still struggle to really let the feminine out in public. I have no desire to live full time as a woman, but do enjoy when I can wear what I want and feel the real me.

[suchacutie]

BT (before Tina!) I didn't realize how much my mannerisms were a mixture! Once we started to educate Tina (we = my wife, mostly) about the mannerisms that generally gave off the "clues" of "feminine", I began to be able to separate the gendered mannerisms with my gendered selves. It was fascinating to see that my male self is now probably viewed as more male than before since the mannerisms that now belong to Tina are excluded from my male presentation. It's all a lot clearer and more consistent. Just one more piece of gender education that comes with being trans!

[CynthiaD]

My masculine persona is artificial. I've spent years watching males trying to figure out the "right" way to behave and the "right" way to react to things. It's such a relief to put on a dress and just let the natural mannerisms flow.