Happiness to despair

[Donnagirl]

Not sure where to post this.... Should have been in the picture gallery but...

I was so sure today was going to be that first picture post, show the real me, post a face shot avatar and take that next step. But no!!!!

Now my wife has historically been really hot and cold over the whole crossdressing thing, mostly displaying the, 'do what you want but I don't want to see, don't want to know and don't care as long as you don't embarrass me.' This has softened over the past year or so, since my mother who had come to stay with us finally succumbed to cancer. My wife has let me wear a little more around the house, heeled boots, painted toes, g string and bra but she still sets ground rules that are non negotiable. I learned early on that debate was futile and to accept what little gains I was given.

Yesterday I was surprised, extremely surprised, shocked no less... She bought me a wig! She did not just grab the first one at hand but actually thought it through. It is the same colour and style as my younger sister wears her hair. 100% human hair, shoulder length strawberry blonde. It is perfect, but she does not want to see me wearing it.... OK, she's working night shift tonight, let's see what we can do.

Hours of effort have left me practically in tears... I've never really had hair, crew cut through school and a shaved head from 24 years old. I've never seen the effects, the change to my face shape and what it accentuates. As many of you know, I did live (and still do live) the uber male life (yes probably compensating) military, special forces, police, big motorcycles, fast cars....

Now as a teenager and into my early twenties I boxed. I boxed for the state, I even boxed for the military. I could probably claim that, for a period I was the second best boxer in my state, 19 ametur bouts and I came second in every one!!! Eight times my nose was broken!!! One cracked jaw and one compression fracture of my eye socket is all I really have to show. And boy DO THEY SHOW!!!

Once I put the wig on, all I can see is the huge bend in my nose. It seems to highlight the asymmetry, exaggerate it even. It is totally ugly male!!!! It's more than a dissapointment, it to totally demoralising... I look like a thug in a wig. I look ridiculous, there is nothing even slightly feminine to my looks. So I've got no body hair and enough body fat and man boob to fake a cleavage but those small advantages can never outweigh this.

Short of plastic surgery, I'm at a loss to a solution. It seems I'll stay hidden away for whole lot longer...

Apologies...

[Marcelle]

Hi Donna,

Sometimes we are our own worst enemies when it comes to looks. I understand you reticence to take a picture when you feel you look "uber male" and to be honest, posting a picture is not a necessity if you are not comfortable with it. However, don't beat yourself up about how you present as it is for you and nobody else. With the exception of a small percentage (miniscule IMO) we all look like dudes in dresses no matter how much we believe, hope or pray we pass. Blend possible, pass not likely as there are too many tells in a guys face and you don't need a broken nose to draw attention to masculine features. I have been blessed with a smaller frame which allows me to blend in public when dressed but I never survive first contact as my face reads "boy". But I have learned to accept that.

IMO revel in the moment, your wife has taken a step forward and now you get to be Donna with hair and that is a great blessing. So be Donna, accept her with all her flaws . . . broken nose and all. Perhaps Donna was a boxer too. :):battingeyelashes:

Hugs

Isha

[Beverley Sims]

Donna,
Stay hidden with your wig and remember, your wife bought that for you with your welfare in mind.

[Katey888]

Bless you Donna.... :hugs:

Isha makes a good point as usual about your wig - sometimes the thought and feelings behind an object and act are much more important than what you might gain from that object in and of itself... Treasure the feeling and knowledge of what your wife has tried to do for you...

I can't say much about how you look, obviously - that's your secret still! But it should not be just about that.. (OK - I know that's easier to say for those of us now knowingly blessed by not being super-macho through life...) - but it doesn't happen the first time you try, or the second, or... you get the idea.

Keep trying - keep practicing... Different makeup, different lighting, the right pose can all make a big difference (and don't hesitate to try a little photoshop either - all the pros do it!) So few of us are ever going to end up a male Cindy Crawford, but we can probably all do better than Les Dawson with a bit of patience and perseverance... but you don't have to post something if you're not happy with it! It makes you no less of the great individual you are... :)

Anyway - our beauty always lies just beneath the surface... ;)

Katey x

[Teresa]

Hi Donna,
I'm sorry you're paying the price now for proving the male side of you, many of us wear the scars luckily mine are minor but as others have said we are more critical of ourselves especially if you've had a military background.
If I might make a couple of suggestions, altough it was great your wife bought you a wig, blond ones make it more difficult to get makeup to work, if you could get one more like your natural colouring your features tend to blend in better.
Also had you thought of checking out GGS who box and see how they deal with facial injuries and what they do with their makeup.
Just a tip about your pictures, try and zoom in on the camera, the effect will be a reduction of the size of your nose and chin in relation to your face, the wider you go the worse it gets, smart phones are the biggest culprit for bad pictures, also broad bright light with no shadows will reduce the lumps and bumps on your face.

[Andrea Chenowith]

Just a tip about your pictures, try and zoom out on the camera, the effect will be a reduction of the size of your nose and chin in relation to your face, the wider you go the worse it gets, smart phones are the biggest culprit for bad pictures, also broad bright light with no shadows will reduce the lumps and bumps on your face.

Excellent point.

From my day life, here's a great illustration of just how much impact focal length can have..

http://stepheneastwood.com/tutorials/lensdistortion/strippage.htm

[TxCassie]

My Dear Donna,

Please dear, do not fret! The beauty of your soul shines through any physical ah "bumps". Oh, how I felt for you as you told us of you experience. I told my therapist time and time again; In male mode, I see how soft and feminine I am, but if there any way for me to know how masculine appearing I am, all I have to do is dress 'en femme". The first time in a wig, or in makeup is usually not our best experience in regards to appearance. While true, you may have a few "bumps", all that means is that you'll have to learn techniques and skills to deflect, enhance, cover, lighten, etc... While I am not saying you can transform yourself in to a supermodel face, I am going to say, you can learn to soften and bring out the glamour in you.

Could be a different style wig, a different cut, color? Don't let the first sight be the sole determining act that deflates your desire to be the woman you are inside. It will take work honey, being super macho male is not only skin deep but is definitely hard on the skin. Eight broken noses! OMG Girlfriend! :doh: I can imagine how the other guy turned out! :devil: I remember when I was a frosh in high school (secondary, I think it's called down under), the nun who taught me in my elementary catholic school saw me at one of my high school football games (American football). I was in the band and already knew I was gay, so being around the jocks terrified me. The nun asked me why I didn't go out for football like my other buddies. I stood there, and thought, Well, Sister, football just hurts too much, and I don't like to be hit!, DUHHH! "twist and snap girlfriend" :battingeyelashes: She just looked at me and said a Hail Mary, I think! lol :battingeyelashes: I admire you so much for your life and your ability to know who you are and do something about it.

So, honey, the point of my long, long post, don't give up! Never Give Up!, Yes, it will take a little more work, experimenting, failures and small successes, inch your way towards glamour and physical beauty. But never forget dear, the beauty of you is where right where it belongs and is most beautiful, inside you, let it shine dear! :daydreaming:

Now, I realize all of this is so mushy, touchy, feely and all for an Ulta Super Dooper Macho Guy, but honey, the way I see it, there's much to be said for taking off that tight jockstrap and slipping into a pair of soft, silky panties, any day! :heehee:

Hugs,

Cassie :love:

[Launa]

Hang tight!

1. We cant see what you look like but regardless have you been to a professional make up artist? I have and they can perform a lot of different miracles.

2. Once you are done with the makeup artist you need to head to a good wig boutique and see what really looks good. You might think the wig your wife bought is perfect but it might be 'ok' once you compare it at a wig shop.

3. After the wig store then you need to shop for some nice jeans, heels and all the good stuff.

4. If you have a bent nose from being in the ring then you can justify some FFS surgery one day. Its a good excuse to tell everybody you needed to get rid of scar tissue plus fix the nose!

[Amy Fakley]

give it some time. Hair changes everything, maybe that's just not the right style for your face.
find a friendly wig store, and try on lots of different styles until you find one that looks right for you.
like the ad says: "you're gonna like the way you look, I guarantee it" :-)

[BLUE ORCHID]

:daydreaming:Hi Donna, Pull the hair down in front with some bangs and a pair of large frame tinted glasses
to draw the attention away from your nose and some lipstick , Keep a jar of cold cream handy to remove the lipstick.

[Farrah]

Don't be so down on yourself. Most makeup works wonders. Just watch some tutorials to help you cover those imperfections. I'm sure its not as bad as you think. Don't let it stress you! We're doing what we love. Remember to have fun with it! :koc:

[Megan Thomas]

As someone with a badly broken nose too, can I just point out that passing the majority of the time is possible as I do. I get read more for my voice than my nose. Learn the art of good make up as that will go a long way. Another trick is to wear glasses, even if you don't need them, as they can help disguise a crooked nose.

[Launa]

Not sure but contouring might be able to help with the crooked nose.....?

[Donnagirl]

Ok so I finally did it.... The avatar is really me!!

I put a picture of 'the nose' in the thread 'OK.. So meet Donna'.
Thanks for all the help, advice and kind words, it was enough to make me try again and this time get it right!!!

Cheers,

[DonnaT]

I think your wife made an excellent choice on the wig.

I also think you should make your picture available for your wife to look at, if she so chooses. Just tell her you really appreciate the wig and how it looks on you, then tell her there a picture if she's interested. No pressure.

[Donnagirl]

I am surprised at the results too... When I look at the picture I see my sister, not me... Weird!!!

[Stephanie Sometimes]

That's a very lovely avatar Donna! I like the wig style and color on you as well and kudos to you for posting it gal. It's a big leap for a lot of us to post a real picture avatar and I am so glad you decided to but at the same time I understand why many here are not in a position to post a real pic no matter how much they might want to.

Teresa had some great advice on taking photos, it's all about camera position and lighting.

Hugs,
Stephanie

[giuseppina]

I would be very surprised, after all that damage, if you don't have trouble breathing, Donna. Your insurance might pay to fix your nose if so. ;) The Canadian Public Health care plan likely would, as it is likely to be considered medically necessary surgery to correct breathing issues.

This is meant more as a general lament more than anything else, but it's too bad that a death or some other tragedy in the family is needed to wake people up and recognise that some things just don't matter in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't have to be a spouse's crossdressing.

That said, it would be a good idea to recognise your wife's change of heart in some tangible way.

[Donnagirl]

I think your wife made an excellent choice on the wig.

I also think you should make your picture available for your wife to look at, if she so chooses. Just tell her you really appreciate the wig and how it looks on you, then tell her there a picture if she's interested. No pressure.

DonnaT,

Well I did show her, not only this pic but the entire 'selfie-fest' that was yesterday evening. (All stored safely on an encrypted drive on a secure laptop). There were even shots without the wig!!!! Still not sure how to judge the reaction. There was definitely a smile... Not a cynical smile, a genuine 'eyes as well' smile. There were compliments, but there was a reinforcement that Donna stays away while she is around.

There was, however one quite enormous gain.... We are shopping this weekend for make up. I don't own any, hence the lack of a decent concealer...

So, wait out!!!! Who knows what the next few weeks will reveal. I must admit I had the best time ever!!! There might even be a smile. :)

[MsVal]

Your wife bought you the wig, and is taking you shopping for make up ... and you feel self conscious about your nose.

I like the avitar. I like it a lot. You may not be the cutest CD around (yet), but you are off to a great start.

I too have a great wife that has bought me feminine things, and consider myself the luckiest guy in the world. I humbly suggest that you have so very much to cheer about that you should consider the nose just something to overcome. Consider the very many accounts of unaccepting wives, and even divorces. No amount of make up or surgery can make those go away.

Best wishes
MsVal

[DonnaT]

Good to hear Donna! :)

Be careful and don't get carried away. Wait for her to ask to see any more pictures.

I know many of us want to include our wives/SOs in our dressing, but it takes time for some and never for others.

[Katey888]

So now I can say something about your look as I posted before your avatar pic blossomed.... :)

YOU LOOK GREAT! What more to be said...

Well - I had completely forgotten what you had said earlier about your schnozz... and you've obviously got the camera angle and lighting just right as I can't see anything wrong at all...:D 'Course - with the boxing reference some of us might have been expecting Stallone in a wig... ;) But there's no evidence that I can see from here... You should be really pleased with Avatar #1! (in 6 months I'm up to Avatar #23... :eek:)

Honestly Donna - it will be good to see the whole you, particularly with your impressive... errrm... frontage... :o

Katey x