What Caused You to Become a Crossdresser?

[Confucius]

I hope you don't mind being introspective for a moment. We all come with a history. What do you think caused you to become a cross-dresser? Society tells us that males are privileged with unearned social, economic, and political advantages which are granted to them solely on the basis of their gender. Why couldn't we be happy with our own gender's privileges? Was your early childhood traumatic or stressful? Did you have poor male role models? Did you think girls had it better in life? Were you told that you should have been born a girl? Or, was there nothing at all unusual to account for your condition?

In my case, I have been attracted to cross-dressing as long as I can remember. My mother tells me that she was longing for a daughter when I was born. I was a disappointment to her, but six months later she found herself pregnant again. This time she gave birth to my sister. It was on a Christmas morning and it was the happiest day of her life. My sister grew up pampered, spoiled, and a princess. I grew up believing that my mother would have loved me more if I was born a girl. I thought that all parents preferred girls, because girls didn't cause any problems, and they were prettier, smarter, and just better persons. I believed girls had it better in life than boys. I also had a brother who was 3 years older and constantly provoked and insulted me. We would get into fights and I would always get beaten. My older brother was a constantly berating me. I found solace in rummaging through my mother's closet and telling her I was playing "mommy". All this was before I was 5 years old. I was taught to conceal my cross-dressing interests, as it brought shame and ridicule.

I believe that over-valuing the female (female envy) in early childhood caused my brain to be hardwired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. In my early childhood I was trying to gain contact with my mother, but with puberty the (involuntary) sensations were very sexual. As I have become older it is more about comfort, reducing stress, and being happy.

[Alice Torn]

I think it is because of family influences. And fantasies.

[PaulaQ]

Genetics.

[AKADonna]

When I was a child, I was the only boy in the neighborhood and always played with the girls. Doing this for 10 or so formative years probably taught me to think and act like them to some degree. Later, when I discovered my Mom's lingerie drawer and had some fun trying things on, I became enamored. Then things cooled off for about 30 years as I went to college, in the service, got married, had 5 kids and did all of the family stuff. (During that time, never had many feminine thoughts or urges) Later, I was a macho executive and one day when visiting a BDSM mistress, she feminized me and that was the spark that lit the fire! Since then, I have had urges to dress in lingerie and more recently, fully as a woman. I get those feminine urges with increasing regularity now. I feel that chemistry is doing its part as I have ceased growing hair on my arms, legs, underarms and chest. My breasts have begun to grow a bit and my skin is so much softer than it ever has been. (I feel like my testosterone has decreased and estrogen has taken over!)

For whatever reason it's happening, I have come to savor and thoroughly enjoy feeling really feminine! As I deal with all of the family and society judgmental issues that his presents, my softer, more girly side makes me so much more mellow! I just love being DonnaSue!

[Tina G]

Honestly i don't know. I did grow up with a family full of women after my father passed away when i was young but I still feel like i have always enjoyed being Jenny.

[Zylia]

I don't know, what causes autism or ADHD? Are we asking people with those conditions what caused it for them? Is it ever as simple as a childhood trauma that could have been averted?

[Rachael Leigh]

For me it's the million dollar question, I've got my ideas but I don't have the answers

[Lorileah]

if there is a "cause" it is internal. This question has been asked hundreds of times and never resolved. Why ask why?

[mechamoose]

Is it ever as simple as a childhood trauma that could have been averted?

NO

I'm on the Autism spectrum. My Dad was (but he didn't have a clue)... All three of my kids are, and one of my two grandkids are.

It is biology, not environment. Our brains function differently.

In 'gamer' terms, we have some stats we can topload, but by doing so other stats are weak.

- MM

[Alberta_Pat]

Absolutely NOTHING caused me to "become" a crossdresser.

It is just who I am.

[mechamoose]

What 'caused' me to be a crossdresser was me trying to find a way to express how I felt inside.

Or was it how I felt inside that caused me to be a crossdresser?

Chicken... egg... chicken... egg...

- MM

[Beverley Sims]

There was a great blinding flash of light from out of the cosmos that hit me and flooded my body with gamma rays.....

No..... That was when I was beamed up to the Enterprise.....


Gee! I don't know if there was a what, maybe a who?

Me? :)

[Kate Simmons]

All the possible "causes" notwithstanding, I believe we are exactly who we are supposed to be. Learning to work with and optimizing what we have is what it's all about. :)

[Crissy Kay]

It was definitely Petticoats, in my case!!

[Zylia]

NO

I'm on the Autism spectrum. My Dad was (but he didn't have a clue)... All three of my kids are, and one of my two grandkids are.

It is biology, not environment. Our brains function differently.

In 'gamer' terms, we have some stats we can topload, but by doing so other stats are weak.

- MM
I have a ASD diagnosis as well, Asperger's specifically, pleased to meet you :D This is my point exactly, notwithstanding the fact that 'environment' can have an effect on what we consider biology. No-one ever asked me what caused my ASD, just how I deal with it in my day-to-day life (for as far as it has any effect on it at all). That's what I consider more important about cross-dressing as well: how to deal with it instead of trying to find a non-existent or non-reducible root cause.

[Lorileah]

I have to ask. If a petticoat made you a crossdresser for instance, if they didn't invent petticoats would you not be a crossdresser? Or the neighbor girls dressing you. If it was the neighbor boys making you wear a baseball uniform, would you be a major league star? What caused the fantasies? There must have been some trigger, right? You didn't sit under a tree and suddenly say wow I dreamed I was wearing a dress.

[Katey888]

I did say in another one of these 'why' threads we should have a virtual sin bin for anyone who asks again... but instead..

I'm plagiarising one of Bev's answers to a related question... (here it comes...)

I think it's just insanity :) (Thanks Bev! :cheer:)

And if you need proof, look no further than the old definition: Those who keep doing the same thing (asking why) and are expecting a different outcome (an answer...) :facepalm:

Katey x

[stephNE]

I don't believe there was an "event" that caused me to start crossdressing. It is probably all in genetics. I too was doing this by about the age of 5. I was just attracted to my mothers things. I would put on her bras, panties, jewelry, etc. and go off to my room and play. There were a few other boys in our neighborhood, but they like to play outside and get dirty. The girls tended to play inside, read book, and I found them much more fun play mates.

[mechamoose]

So then the answer is Gender Disphoria.

Some part of us didn't feel 'at home' in our own skin.

Is it/could it be more complicated than that? I don't see how.

<3

- MM

[NathalieX66]

Hanging out with girls too often when I was a kid. Girls seem like they are on another planet than the boys. All I know is I like it.

[PaulaQ]

So then the answer is Gender Disphoria.

- MM

Yep. That pretty much sums it up - we all share some degree of gender dysphoria.

[mechamoose]

Girls seem like they are on another planet than the boys.

So you have identified with females since you were a kid?

I think I see your answer...

- MM

[Nadine Spirit]

Genetics to begin with. As an adult who can control his behaviors, I do it because I like to.

[PaulaQ]

@Nadine - if you control the behavior, then try to stop it, and report back to us.

[njcddresser]

I haven't a clue. I'd love to know why but have given up stressing about it and rather have learned to embrace it and enjoy myself

[mechamoose]

As an adult who can control his behaviors, I do it because I like to.

You have to control your identity?

Why can't you just be you and deal with what comes after that? Isn't that the REAL situation? Or will your mask become your identity?

FLAUNT it honey. Be you, be proud, and don't apologize to ANYONE for who you are.

Anything less is a lie.

- MM

[Nadine Spirit]

I could control it, if I wanted to, but I am not interested in it. I do proudly flaunt my desires. As I see nothing wrong with them.

I am not a believer that I have to act anyway at all, because I feel it. I choose to act the way I want to.

I don't think I can control my desires, but I do think I can control my actions. If I choose to ignore my desires it will probably affect lots of things and throw me into a bit of an emotional hell, but just because I desire something does not mean I have to act on it.

[Jenniferathome]

I am adamantly against the notion that we are "made." I have to set aside the very rare physical/psychological abuse victims. Voluntary cross dressers are born cross dressers. The genetic link is there, when we are born, no differently than for homosexuals. Whatever cocktail of hormones and proteins that each of us gets, is variable and results in differing start conditions, but the foundation is there.

[mechamoose]

From a poker perspective, you have cards in your hand. And then you play the table and let them believe you have X or Y in your hand.

Bluffing in poker is an art and an expected element of the game. I don't really think that has a place in day-to-day life.

- MM

[Eselka]

I second the opinion that it doesn't matter what made me a CDer, it's just who I am and I'm happy with it :) That being said, social environment, psychology and probably dozens of other factors played an obvious role in my recognition of my needs as a CDer and my acceptance of them.

[Hell on Heels]

I have no other answer than that of Paula's, genetics. I grew up in the middle of the dairyland in Wi.
No downtown, no main street billboards, no overly femme anything to influence me, unless someone can explain to me how a corn or wheat field could provoke such a reaction.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[PaulaQ]

If I choose to ignore my desires it will probably affect lots of things and throw me into a bit of an emotional hell, but just because I desire something does not mean I have to act on it.

Good luck with that. It didn't work out so well for me.

[Jaymees22]

As Popeye said "I am what I am." I don't know if Popeye was a crossdresser but I know I am and I'm happy that I am one. Hugs Jaymee

[mechamoose]

Popeye would make an *ugly* girl.. but if he wants to wear a dress, *I'm* not going to argue with him... er.. her.

[Nadine Spirit]

Good luck with what Paula? I have lots of desires that I control.

For example I have a desires to eat spoonfuls of sugar. Pretty much everyone from my mom's side of the family has this affinity. I am adopted and I never met any of them until I was about 30. That was when I found out that all of us are sugar-aholics. I didn't control my desires until I was about 30, which is why at 30 I ended up about 50 pounds overweight. I controlled my desires, exercised and dieted, and lost the weight. I have now maintained my weight for the past 10 years. Have I lost my desire to eat spoonfuls of sugar? How about brown sugar mixed with butter and eaten by the box? Nope, I so want to do that, right now, so much so that I am having to swallow often so that I don't start drooling.

The desire never leaves, but I can choose to act or not.

I am sure life is different for everyone and I know many here are quite fond of saying, the have to do this and they have to do that. Fine, go ahead, have to do whatever. But that does not mean that is me. I accept who I am and what I want and choose to act on it, or choose to put things in place that help me control my desires.

For the record that means moderation of most things, so while I don't eat boxes of brown sugar, I maintain my weight well enough that I can occasionally eat sweets.

[Milou]

Did you have poor male role models? Did you think girls had it better in life? Were you told that you should have been born a girl? Or, was there nothing at all unusual to account for your condition?

In my case, I have been attracted to cross-dressing as long as I can remember. My mother tells me that she was longing for a daughter when I was born. I was a disappointment to her, but six months later she found herself pregnant again. This time she gave birth to my sister. It was on a Christmas morning and it was the happiest day of her life. My sister grew up pampered, spoiled, and a princess. I grew up believing that my mother would have loved me more if I was born a girl. I thought that all parents preferred girls, because girls didn't cause any problems, and they were prettier, smarter, and just better persons. I believed girls had it better in life than boys. I also had a brother who was 3 years older and constantly provoked and insulted me. We would get into fights and I would always get beaten. My older brother was a constantly berating me. I found solace in rummaging through my mother's closet and telling her I was playing "mommy". All this was before I was 5 years old. I was taught to conceal my cross-dressing interests, as it brought shame and ridicule.

I believe that over-valuing the female (female envy) in early childhood caused my brain to be hardwired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. In my early childhood I was trying to gain contact with my mother, but with puberty the (involuntary) sensations were very sexual. As I have become older it is more about comfort, reducing stress, and being happy.

I can relate to your story, we should have coffee sometime.
My biological father left me and I spent my first four years with different families. Afterwards, my mum met my current dad (who is also a crossdresser) and we were a close family. Then my sister was born who was pampered and basically got all the attention. I also got attention, but more in a strict and forceful way. Fast forwards, out of nowhere I started with crossdressig during my puberty. I have no idea what the real cause is, but crossdressing feels pretty damn good.

[Confucius]

Thanks for your responses.

I am truly happy for those of you who don't give any consideration about the "causes" and are more about "accepting", however, for those introspective persons (like myself) who want to understand themselves, it is still important to question, probe, and learn. After all, many of us have asked this question before, and have come to terms with it. Are there trends? Are there things we share in common?

There is no doubt that there are biological factors as well as environmental ones. It certainly is in our brains. Our brains release the neurotransmitters (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and others) which produce the sensations of well-being, pleasure, gratification and bonding. (Not to mention testosterone which gives this condition sexual overtones.) However our brains are plastic and develop neural connections based upon learned perceptions. What learned perceptions do we share in common?
- A belief that girls have it better in life than boys,
- Poor male role models,
- Dominant females who berated males in your life,
- Bullies who physically and psychologically tormented you,
- A sensitive boy who wanted his mother's approval,
- Envy of a female sibling,


Theoretically the mechanism seems to be: (1) the brain develops neural connections (synaptogenesis), (2) the neural connections are reinforced through learned perceptions (psychological, and environmental factors), and finally (3) a trigger mechanism is activated, and the brain releases the neurotransmitters. In most, if not all, cases our brain is interpreting cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. This "contact with a female" association can be internalized, where the person believes they have a female side separate from his male side, or, it can be externalized, where the person's "contact with a female" is outside of himself, and he only sees himself as regular "man in a dress".

If you have any thoughts/theories on the learned perceptions that made cross-dressing work for you, then I'd appreciate hearing it.

[Seana Summer]

I have no idea why I am a part-time Crossdresser. I have often suspected my Mother and older sisters had something to do with it but who knows. I am very skeptical that it is genetic but I have not been able to rule it out. Seems like more of a learned behavior that would not exist in a world without nylons, skirts and heels among other distinctly feminine fashions.

There was a time when I pondered this question intensely:thinking:,......... wondered if it could be cured:thinking: ............Now I just shop and be Happy!!:dance:

Did you see the new diamond back stockings at Secrets in Lace??????

[Milou]

Thanks for your responses.

- A belief that girls have it better in life than boys,
- Poor male role models,
- Dominant females who berated males in your life,
- Bullies who physically and psychologically tormented you,
- A sensitive boy who wanted his mother's approval,
- Envy of a female sibling,


Yeah, it might explain it, but only for some of us. Have you seen the movie: "Les garçons et Guillaume, Ã* table!", it mirrors your description.

- Holds true for me. My sister grew up in a loving family and had no responsibilites at all. I do believe that girls are more valued than guys in western society, but this might be me, since I'm an oversensitive male with no self-esteem.
- My real dad left me, and my current dad is also a crossdresser. I didn't know till recently, since we don't talk much at all. During my childhood he was constantly working.
- I love my mom, but she's a real tiger mom. I had to perform well in school and basically controlled everything in my life. I couldn't choose what to eat, what to wear and what to do (except the crossdressing). I was basically a robot following her orders. I made a thread about it, but no one took me seriously. Also, Freud and Proust wrote some books about this in combination with sexual perversion.
- Yes, but I think we all had to deal with bullying to some degree.
- Yes, but I think it's mutual. We didn't see eachother in the first four years. Also, my current dad told me I was a sensitive boy when I lived with him.
- Probably.

[Marcelle]

To be honest there is no answer and I don't think any science is any closer to figuring this out, with the exception of a few hypothesis (no theoretical evidence established to date). You can choose to accept who you are and live with it or you can latch on to one of the hypothesis (nurture or nature . . . pick you poison). For me the answer is simple I started cross dressing because it felt as normal as anything else I do. So I won't look for a reason to explain why I dress and act like a boy and won't for why I dress and act like a girl.

Hugs

Isha

[Donnagirl]

Who can tell? I did grow up with no brothers and lots of sisters, but that just made me leave home early to join the army!!!
I think it is just a part of me, and I wouldn't change a thing.

[Barbie Anne]

Genetics.
I agree. I was born this way and the only outside influence was possibly my higher power making me who I am.

[natcrys]

I think my mom wore too much perfume when during her pregnancy of me. :p

[DonnaT]

I was born this way.

[Alice Torn]

Confuscious and Milou, I think you are very much onto a lot of it. Boys and men , used to be regarded and valued more than girls. Not so anymore. In China, for decades the government caused people to abort female babies. Now, there is an acute, dangerous SHORTAGE of girls and young women , in China, and way too many men, who cannot find a lady! So, Chinese men are angry, frustrated, and desperate, to find foreign girls and women! I had one older sister, who was the only daughter, and was spoiled. My dad resented very much having three sons after that. He wanted pretty daughters, not boys and men, who would compete with him , for mom's attention! i saw girls as better than boys, and at age 14, i strted putting on my sister's and mom's stuff. I definitely see women as better than men, and often better off, now.

[Carmen]

First was the curiosity.
Second was spending my childhood and adolescence surrounded by droves of girls.
Third was discovering that I easily passed for a teenage girl. My natural hair was always shoulder length.

[Ladynlingerie]

Two of the neighborhood girls dressed me up. I enjoyed it.

[PaulaQ]

Boys and men , used to be regarded and valued more than girls. Not so anymore. In China, for decades the government caused people to abort female babies. Now, there is an acute, dangerous SHORTAGE of girls and young women , in China, and way too many men, who cannot find a lady! So, Chinese men are angry, frustrated, and desperate, to find foreign girls and women! I had one older sister, who was the only daughter, and was spoiled.

1. You do not live in China - or at least your Location says "Midwest U.S.". In the Midwest US, there are slightly more women than men.
2. If you think women have it so good, try living as one for a while - without putting your man suit back on for anything. Report back to us after that.

[Wildaboutheels]

EVOLUTION plain and simple. The evidence is obvious and THIS very site offers incontrovertible PROOF in many ways, in many places.

How MEN's brains are UNconsciously CONTROLLED by our vision... to meet our most basic programming. Nothing at all complicated or mysterious about it.

At all.

We cannot "control" it and no amount of obfuscation is going to change it.

Additionally, your own experience [along with many others at this site] offers ample proof of the role of Nurture in what makes us Human and at least contributed to a "cause" for some. The very fact that so many need or want a "cause" fully confirms the Shame and Guilt that this very Forum is built upon.

BUT... a wise man [or woman?] once said "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink".

This very site is ample proof of that.

[NicoleScott]

This again? I thought this was settled science. CDing is caused by guitar-playing. Or maybe vice versa. Nothing to fret about.

[LilSissyStevie]

Cross dressing can be no more genetic than riding a bicycle or eating spaghetti. How the sexes dress is a historical/cultural phenomenon not a genetic one. The gene/hormonal wash/DES arguments are, IMO, just pseudo-scientific updates of the "devil makes me do it" argument. In my case Confucius has it pretty much nailed except that I don't believe I "interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female." For me it is just the fetishization of childhood emasculation trauma. I find it cathartic the same way that some rape victims find it cathartic to fantasize about rape scenarios. I don't really fully understand how that works but I know it does. Compared to some of the other ways I have expressed PTSD, my CD/emasculation fetish is pretty benign.

Either that or Cthulhu makes me do it.

[PaulaQ]

Cross dressing can be no more genetic than riding a bicycle or eating spaghetti. How the sexes dress is a historical/cultural phenomenon not a genetic one.

Yes, but there is generally a difference. It doesn't matter so much what the differences is between the way the sexes present themselves - why does there need to be a difference at all? Some of that difference is, at minimum, accounted for by the differences in the shapes of men's and women's bodies. And that IS genetic.


The gene/hormonal wash/DES arguments are, IMO, just pseudo-scientific updates of the "devil makes me do it" argument.

Why then do so many of you appear to suffer from a mild form of gender dysphoria? It's way milder than the full-blown nasty version I got - but there are many common characteristics - so many that it's more or less impossible to tell, for certain, who's a CD, and who's a TS, until AFTER the fact of the TS transitioning! And there is plenty of evidence that there is at least a genetic component to transsexualism.

[tammie]

HI Loves: I remember being forced to put on a party dress my older sister had outgrown when I was about 4yo , humiliated infront of my sister and her little friends complete with lacy socks and maryjanes , htne when I was 14yo a very sexy MILF told me I should be wearing a bra since as she said "my tits were bigger than hers".

A week later I picked up and put on my sisters black lacecup underwire Vassarette bra a 36C and it fit me like I was measured for it , and I almost feinted from the sensation and knew instantly I was a CD and a sissy boi forever, but it was only few months before I got really started being a femme sissy man .

My mom caught me so many times she bought me my own bra slip and pantygirdle. She gave me pills to grow more breast tissue and took me to h er gay friends for the bieds and bees talk (I got a demo too) . Now I cd and have sissy sex often, and fill up a 42C bra

[Melissa18]

I really believe this, if my mum didn't have that yellow dress hanging in her closet when I was about 4yo, i blame it on the dress!
Seriously I think it is the way I'm wired, I just feel I should have been born female

[LilSissyStevie]

Paula,

The variation among individuals is MUCH greater than the variation between groups. So the fact that one can find small statistical differences between the aggregate of men and the aggregate of women doesn't mean diddly squat. Individual men and women are all over the place with respect to characteristics. I believe that all CDs experience gender dysphoria, however mild, in the sense that gender is a social construction and dysphoria is a feeling of incongruence with that. The only real difference I see between CDs and TSs is something called "gender identity." That's not an insignificant matter and I don't claim to have any understanding of it. For me, my gender identity was formed by a definition:"boys have penises." I have a penis therefore I'm a boy. That doesn't seem to work for TSs.

[PaulaQ]

The variation among individuals is MUCH greater than the variation between groups. So the fact that one can find small statistical differences between the aggregate of men and the aggregate of women doesn't mean diddly squat.

There are marked and identifiable physical differences between genders, and the typical shapes and sizes of their bodies. Believe me, if there weren't, transition would be as simple as changing clothes. Things such as height, fat distribution, muscle mass, breast development have a big impact on clothing design. There's a reason a lot of us look like "a guy in a dress!"

There are other differences that aren't really clothing related as well:
- various facial features
- facial / body hair


Individual men and women are all over the place with respect to characteristics. I believe that all CDs experience gender dysphoria, however mild, in the sense that gender is a social construction and dysphoria is a feeling of incongruence with that. The only real difference I see between CDs and TSs is something called "gender identity." That's not an insignificant matter and I don't claim to have any understanding of it. For me, my gender identity was formed by a definition:"boys have penises." I have a penis therefore I'm a boy. That doesn't seem to work for TSs.

Why then do many CDs here have gender expressions that seem to involve the appearance of their physical body?
- breast forms
- wigs
- shaving everything (or more extreme laser or electrolysis)
- Body shapers of various sorts

I agree with you that the gender identity of CDs and TSs is different. Y'all identify as male, we identify as female. Whether or not one has a penis doesn't enter into the matter at all - that's your sex, not your gender. Your gender is a matter of what's between your ears. Unfortunately, given the current state of the world and our society, the impetus to deny that one is TS remains very strong, so strong that it's often quite difficult to pin one of us down as TS until we transition. Sure, some of us freak out at age 5 when we get dressed in the wrong clothing and have to transition young, but most don't. This is one of my main problems with theories that separate gender expression from gender identity - it sure doesn't seem to be the case in some of the worst affected suffers of GD!

BTW, that article you posted a while back about the identity defense model of gender identity posits that CDs and TSs are in fact related.

[natcrys]

This again? I thought this was settled science. CDing is caused by guitar-playing. Or maybe vice versa. Nothing to fret about.

I see what you did there.. :p

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Confucius, I think that it all started when I was about two or three days old when my mom dressed
me in that little white receiving gown to go home from the Hospital.

[kimdl93]

There is a growing body of evidence that there is a genetic and developmental, that is hormonal influences in the womb, that lead individuals to be CDrs. The anecdotal evidence on life experiences is less compelling.

[Madilyn A.]

Confucius, Your story so describes mine. I was told at a very early age, that I should have been born a girl, that my parents had a boy already 2 1/2 yrs older and wished I had been a girl. My brother and older male cousins also used to terrorize me and echo my parents comments. By 5 yrs. old I was well on my way as a young crossdresser. The rest of your story is spot on as well.

[Dianne S]

I am actually TS, but for a long time I thought I was "just" a cross-dresser.

I'm convinced it has to do with brain chemistry. I believe there's some sort of biological cause behind most types of transgenderism. Whether it happened in the womb or afterwards, I do not know.

[Brittany CD]

I will probably never know. I don't really think about what made me want to crossdress

[NicoleScott]

When I saw "crossdresser" in the title, I thought of men who identify as men and who like to crossdress, as opposed to transsexuals who may "crossdress" for entirely different reasons. There must be different causes for such different drives to crossdress. Confucius told his story, never mentioning being a TS, having gender identity issues, wanting to transition...etc... just those events that led to a boy becoming a crossdresser.
In this and previous discussions of crossdressing causes, some believe "it" to be genetic. If "it" is the drive to crossdress for reasons other than sex/gender mismatch, I'm not on board. At whatever arbitrary point that ape evolved into human, lost hair and began to wear animal skins, clothing was functional. Distinctions between what was considered male clothing and female clothing happened, in the deep time of evolution, a blink ago.
Have they found that pantyhose gene yet?

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Have they found that pantyhose gene yet?

lol, I was thinking the same! Of course there's not a crossdressing gene - that's scientifically absurd. There might be a genetic difference between men who crossdress and those who don't, such as genes that affect visuals/tactility/or maybe brain wiring that responds to stimuli such as clothing/femininity differently than other men. But a dressing gene?? Not likely. I actually sometimes wonder if those men who have a lifelong compulsion to present regularly as a baby (Adult Babies?) or as an animal (Furries) for relaxation etc, aren't carrying the same genetic differences as the male identified crossdresser? Maybe they over-valued dependence or their cats simple life or something? Just a thought.

And yep, Confucius your story matches my H's. He never had dysphoria of any sort as a boy but definitely overvalued females. (smart man, lol) Have you heard of that UK guy, Alex Reid? Apparently he kept getting asked questions that he'd never really considered until he got outed - like, 'when did he doubt his masculinity' etc. But the poor guy never thought he had, so he hired some forensic psychologists to figure out his gender issues once and for all, and he's happy to inform the world that he's been diagnosed with a finger-sized crossdressing 'kink'. He even did hypnotherapy and got tracked back to the day it started when he was 7 and tried on his sister's dress out of curiosity. I think he might have overvalued females like you did, and the clothes also looked interesting to him. He also knew it was taboo, which made him feel excited. You should read his experiences as they're quite interesting, especially after his public shaming by that awful Katie Price!

Anyway, your theory could work I think. There are genetics involved, sure, but I'd bet they're more about susceptibility to behaviours like crossdressing rather than an actual crossdressing gene. I don't think this is linked to TS at all either. Sorry Paula :) But after looking into all this further I truly think there are more than a few things at play here, and at least two distinctive conditions that look the same but are actually not related. Sometimes, even though it looks like a sheep and walks like a sheep, it's not a sheep. It's that dang wolf in costume. :)

[sissystephanie]

What caused me to become a Crossdresser? Putting on a pair of my older sisters fancy panties! I think I was 6 years old when that happened, and I was hooked!!

[PaulaQ]

Anyway, your theory could work I think. There are genetics involved, sure, but I'd bet they're more about susceptibility to behaviours like crossdressing rather than an actual crossdressing gene. I don't think this is linked to TS at all either. Sorry Paula :) But after looking into all this further I truly think there are more than a few things at play here, and at least two distinctive conditions that look the same but are actually not related. Sometimes, even though it looks like a sheep and walks like a sheep, it's not a sheep. It's that dang wolf in costume. :)

Bear in mind that the answer you like is the one that is convenient for you - it's the answer you want to be true. Believe me - I'd like nothing better than for you to be right. I just don't believe that you are. I'm not saying that all CDs will become TSs - not at all. I am saying that I think the evidence suggests to me that they are related conditions, closely enough related that it's currently impossible to tell them apart until after the fact of transition. I think this is very scary, to be honest.

I suspect they'll eventually discover structural differences in our brains that explain all this, and possibly even make it possible to differentiate between CDs and TSs at an early age. (Because you'd want to treat a TS young - but not a CD.)

We just aren't there yet. And yes - I will be very surprised if there isn't an underlying biological cause to both CDing and transsexualism, probably some combination of genetics and development in utero.

Because look - what you suggest is that gender identity is completely independent of gender expression. Can you really believe that? When kids tell you that they are trying to find their identity - how do they do it often? Through expressions such as clothing, music or art. Our self-expression is linked to our identity - I don't really see how it can be otherwise. They aren't in lock-step - but there has to be a connection.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Actually, I think it's possibly harder having a husband who does this for non-gender/sexual reasons. OUR identity can get messed up with it then as I know I started to wonder if I was the lesbian! What would be more convenient for me is there IS a similarity between you and my H as I might actually understand then. Then he might be the more feminine, nice guy he said he was before I realised the truth!

And seriously, what about those men who dress as babies? Don't you find a curious similarity between their experiences (started in childhood, they don't remember why, just that they were drawn to it, it's not sexual but it is relaxing and they HAVE to do it as it's part of their identity and it progresses and increases over time) I find them very similar. In which case, some crossdressing might be more related to the other identity differences men have than TS. I say SOME crossdressing as I think there's obviously the gender kind that is related to TS and is a different condition entirely.

I do think people can crossdress for completely different reasons, though. And maybe no two men have the same reason? In which case, this discussion is completely pointless! :)

And now I've peaked my own interest and want to know more about Adult Babies, lol

[Marcia Blue]

I believe that I was just born this way. My early childhood was uneventful, nothing traumatic or out of the ordinary. I remember crossdressing when I was as young as 4 years old. Way before anything else could have influenced me.

[Tracii G]

Hell I have no idea.

[PaulaQ]

Actually, I think it's possibly harder having a husband who does this for non-gender/sexual reasons. OUR identity can get messed up with it then as I know I started to wonder if I was the lesbian! What would be more convenient for me is there IS a similarity between you and my H as I might actually understand then. Then he might be the more feminine, nice guy he said he was before I realised the truth!

Tink - you know I love and respect you. But seriously, you have no idea what hell is until you've tried living with someone who's transitioning. At this point, I'm a horrible ghost to my wife that brings her tremendous grief and sorrow whenever I communicate with her. (Which is rarely enough.) From her perspective - I died last year, but my revenant haunts her still, never letting her grief begin to wane. There are good reasons why 90% of our marriages to genetic women as trans women fail.

But hey - if you think you got it worse than that - well, I'm really sorry then, your situation must be just awful.


And seriously, what about those men who dress as babies? Don't you find a curious similarity between their experiences (started in childhood, they don't remember why, just that they were drawn to it, it's not sexual but it is relaxing and they HAVE to do it and it progresses and increases over time) I find them very similar.

I'm not particularly enamored of explaining something we don't understand, like transgenderism, and "explaining" it with another term we don't understand "fetishism". Maybe they are related, maybe they aren't.

Ray Blanchard suggested that Heterosexual MtF's are essentially men who fetishize their image as women until it becomes a part of them. Aside from not explaining FtM's at all, and being based on very small samples of MtF's, suggesting that MtF's are fetishists doesn't help those of us who are just trying to be recognized as women. There are many radical feminist "TERFs" who argue that someone like me is simply a self-mutilating fethishistic man who emulates women as an extension of the culture of rape. (I didn't say it made a hell of a lot of sense - but YOU try living with ideas like that!)

Although his idea was OK based on the data he had - he really didn't have enough to make the extrapolations he made. He did make the rather impressive observation that TG individuals tend to suffer from clusters of paraphilia - many of us have various fetishes. I certainly do. Why this would be true is not clear.

If there's obviously a difference between the CDing of your husband, and that of a transsexual, please explain it. I've thought about this a great deal, and spoken with many transsexuals and cross dressers. *I* can't tell the difference just based on behavior. If you can't point out what the difference is - then I submit there isn't one, which suggests then, by your reasoning, that I'm just a really extreme fetishist - certainly not any sort of woman of any sort. Just some pathetic, self-mutilating, thing of indeterminate gender.

If I, and people like me, are that screwed up, then perhaps the people who want to imprison us have it right. Certainly we don't deserve equal treatment under the law as our preferred gender. You can see why I don't much care for this line of reasoning.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

No worries Paula - the world would be dull if we agreed on everything. And for the record, I don't think you're a fetishistic crazy person! I don't think any TS are. I just think TS are different from the average male-identifying crossdresser and that's where we disagree :)

I'm just curious now what Confucius has up his sleeve with all this as he has some very interesting ideas.

[Adriana Moretti]

my own curiosity caused me to cross dress.....

[PaulaQ]

And for the record, I don't think you're a fetishistic crazy person! I don't think any TS are.

That puts you in the minority then. :(


I just think TS are different from the average male-identifying crossdresser and that's where we disagree
Clearly there's some difference as we transition and they don't. We (generally) need estrogen, and they don't.
We're women (if you believe us, which most do not), and they aren't.

The problem with bringing fetish into this is that TS folks get painted with the same brush - a very large number of people view us as perverts and rapists. Unfortunately we don't get to switch back into our man-suit anymore to avoid trouble - so we take it straight in the teeth.

[tina99]

I transitioned to female 12 years ago, and in many respects, I think that women do have it better than men. Most people are surprised when - or if - I tell them I'm trans. I used to be a computer programmer, and the software companies didn't care what sex I was. Since I was a good worker, they treated me with the same respect (and pay) that they gave the men. And I had some female managers as well.

One of the biggest liabilities for men, in my opinion, is that they have to hide most of their emotions to be accepted, while I can show my emotions, because women are allowed to show them. This causes significant psychological issues for some men.

Cops tend to trust women more than they trust men, and unlike men, women are not usually assumed by people to be a threat. (Is this guy sitting by me a creep or not)?

I wouldn't go back to playing male for a million dollars.

What good would a million dollars do me if I couldn't enjoy spending it because of the depression I would experience because of my gender dysphoria?

Besides, dark blues and grays don't look good on me :) .

[LilSissyStevie]

Paula,

The short answer is that CDs like myself try to change physical characteristics for the same reason we CD. Regardless of the "root cause" we all try more or less to appropriate symbols of femininity, sometimes including the physical ones. Body modifications are just an extension of cross dressing. This is not the same as "being a woman." There are plenty of women that are hairy, flat chested, have no butt, skinny thighs or broad shoulders. There are also women that are aggressive, individualistic, combative, born leaders, and who are good at math. Are they still women even though they don't fit the supposed ideal (or stereotype)? Of course they are! Cross dressers, including myself, seem to see femininity and masculinity in much more abstract and categorical terms than most people. It's that abstract idealized femininity (as the opposite of masculinity) not womanhood that I seek to express. I know its all BS and I do it anyway for reasons I already stated. I'm satisfied that morphology and the presence of a Y chromosome determine my sex if not my gender expression. Are gender (actually sexual) identity and gender expression independent? I would have to say yes. There are plenty of feminine guys that nevertheless still accept that they are males and masculine women that never doubt that they are, in fact, women. There is no way to tell someones gender identity by observing them. You have to ask.

Tinkerbell,

What is the relationship between cross dressing, adult babies, adult little girls and even furies? Also what is the relationship between those things and stuff like cuckoldry, male chastity, female domination, small penis humiliation, sissy maids, forced feminization, sexual submission and any number of other kinks sprinkled throughout erotic TG fiction? One word - emasculation.

[Seana Summer]

- Dominant females who berated males in your life,
- Bullies who physically and psychologically tormented you,
- A sensitive boy who wanted his mother's approval,




These seem to ring true for me and have been among the things I have considered in the past as explanation as to what got me started. I am among those who started very young, too young for it to have been a sexual thing

It is also interesting to note that over the years I have typically had strong GG S.O.s . Hmmmm..... Could it be that boys are attracted to girls that remind them of their mothers?? and vice verse? women are attracted to men who remind them of their fathers??? Maybe this is why it may seem genetic??

[Rhonda Jean]

I could control it, if I wanted to, but I am not interested in it. I do proudly flaunt my desires. As I see nothing wrong with them.

I am not a believer that I have to act anyway at all, because I feel it. I choose to act the way I want to.

I don't think I can control my desires, but I do think I can control my actions. If I choose to ignore my desires it will probably affect lots of things and throw me into a bit of an emotional hell, but just because I desire something does not mean I have to act on it.

An unpopular answer that I agree with entirely. Well said, Nadine. Sorry Paula, my friend. This isn't an indictment on you.

I find something very interesting in the contrast between Nadine and Paula, though. Y'all correct me if I'm wrong.

Paula's wife was diametrically opposed to any sort of cross gender behavior. Nadine's wife is so incredibly supportive of it that she refers to Nadine as her wife! Look at her website. It's awesome!

An interesting dichotomy at the very least.

[PaulaQ]

@lilsissystevie - the body dysphoria you describe is one of the primary symptoms of GD that I have. You just have a milder version of it, I expect. If you think that I'm any less influenced by an idealized female body than any CD, you are just mistaken. In my case, I've hated my male body for my entire life. I preferred death to the hell I lived in, trapped in this body. It's simply all wrong.

[Tami Monroe]

I truly believe that at a young age, I felt feminine urges, therefore THAT made me want to CD. I mean, literally, during the 1972 Olympics, as a toddler, I identified myself with the women's gymnists. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I have memories of my life all the way back to my crib.

[suchacutie]

Everything we do is buried in the brain's biochemistry. How that biochemistry came to be could be debated forever, but there it is. There is no way around it. Even with outside stimuli, the brain must lock onto it. It's all in our heads waiting to be let out.

In my case, "it" didn't find its way out for 55 years! Then within 48 hours my wife and I found Tina, were completely amazed, and are still having a terrific time exploring who she is. Just today, not quite 9 years later, we had an hour's discussion about some new aspects of what Tina might be!

It is incredibly exciting to learn about who each of us is. Once we start down that path, once we know what is there buried in our biochemistry, there is a compulsion that, in retrospect, seems completely natural!!!

On August 20, 2005, my world changed. We lead incredible lives!

[Michelle789]

I asked my therapist about cross-dressing and autoeroticism. She is an expert on both gender and human sexuality. She told me a few things that are shocking.

1. Cross-dressers are female identified, with gender dysphoria that is less progressed than a transsexual, and that CDers don't hate their maleness or even enjoy being male, but they are female, while a transsexual typically cannot endure much more time playing male, because the GD has progressed so far.

2. What you do in private is who you really are. If you CD in private, than you are really female identified. If you fantasize about being a woman when masturbating, then you are really female identified.

3. Most CDers don't transition because the GD hasn't progressed far enough to warrant it. They love their wives, love having sex with their wives, don't hate their penises or beards, and feel they have too much to lose trying to transition, and yes it's true that you have a lot to lose. Many CDers who stay in the closet and don't venture out the house en femme for the same reasons, fearing too much to lose plus transphobia.

4. A CDer is essentially female identified with a partial male persona, rather than male identified with a partial female persona.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Michelle, maybe your therapist is right, but I'll say this - if my H is female identified, he's annoyingly male about it! And not in an 'I'm hiding my true feminine self' way - in an annoying doesn't listen, needs-a-man-cave, can't listen, refuses to talk about anything, will never listen, stubborn, clueless, fix-everything, obsessive, competitive male sort of way!! (Yes, I just used every cliche in the book but dammit, gender IS a cliche) If there was anything even remotely feminine about my H's internal workings I sure haven't experienced it yet. Believe me, I've looked! I've looked so hard I literally cried when I couldn't find it because there has to be SOME benefit to living with all this. But hey, he can cook, clean, wave his hands around and walk in heels. I guess that makes him one of us.

Can I join the third gender please? Because this one's getting awfully crowded.

[Claire Cook]

I think Rodgers and Hammerstein said it best for me :

"Who can explain it, who can tell you why?
Fools give you reasons, wise men never try...."

I'm just happy to accept who I am.

[MissTee]

Not sure I'll ever know, and at this point in my life I don't care. I am in a loving and supportive relationship, and I feel fulfilled. Dressing is only a very small part of who I am and what I appreciate in life. I focus on that.

[Andrea Renea]

Don't know, don't care. Just know I've enjoyed and been doing it for close to 50 years.

[Jorja]

I thank God every day that I am not a crossdresser and have to try to answer this question. Now if he would give up a few answers on why I needed to be a girl..... :)

[Ressie]

I asked my therapist about cross-dressing and autoeroticism. She is an expert on both gender and human sexuality. She told me a few things that are shocking.

1. Cross-dressers are female identified, with gender dysphoria that is less progressed than a transsexual, and that CDers don't hate their maleness or even enjoy being male, but they are female, while a transsexual typically cannot endure much more time playing male, because the GD has progressed so far.

2. What you do in private is who you really are. If you CD in private, than you are really female identified. If you fantasize about being a woman when masturbating, then you are really female identified.

3. Most CDers don't transition because the GD hasn't progressed far enough to warrant it. They love their wives, love having sex with their wives, don't hate their penises or beards, and feel they have too much to lose trying to transition, and yes it's true that you have a lot to lose. Many CDers who stay in the closet and don't venture out the house en femme for the same reasons, fearing too much to lose plus transphobia.

4. A CDer is essentially female identified with a partial male persona, rather than male identified with a partial female persona.

If all this is true it explains a lot. It all makes sense to me. But I hate my beard!

[sometimes_miss]

I asked my therapist about cross-dressing and autoeroticism. She is an expert on both gender and human sexuality. She told me a few things that are shocking.
Michelle, if your therapist is telling you what is generally believed by current experts, then we are all in a great deal of trouble. The missing information and inaccuracy is staggering; it sounds like she gave you the most simplistic explanation she could come up with; the kind of 'Because I said so' explanation that parents give little children.

Now then, my experience. Sexually abused as a child after starting primary school, I was told that god had made a mistake, and that I was really supposed to be a girl. Over the years, the concept was frequently reinforced that I should learn how to be a girl, so I would be prepared when god fixed me. Spending most of my childhood believing I was a girl, the idea 'took', and became a permanent part of my personality. I really believed through all those years that when I reached the age when girl's bodies changed, it would happen to me too. When I went through almost my entire high school age before puberty arrived, I was almost certain, and when my secondary male sex characteristics started coming in, it made me even more confused, as I was sure god had forgotten all about me. I can't say for sure, but I believe that certain things in our personality become permanent at certain ages, and I believe that gender identity is one of them; I think it occurs somewhere in the range of puberty years, but will never be sure. However, the feeling that I'm a girl, and should be wearing female clothes and behaving as a female, has been present in the back of my mind ever since, so after 50 years I don't think it's ever going to go away. For those who believe it was there since birth, well until I was told this, I had always felt and behaved as a normal boy.

One of the biggest problems we have with modern psychology, is that as part of a scientific world, theorists search for the one, true cause for the disease state. after all, they've narrowed down the causes for virtually all physical and mental diseases to infectious, chemical or simply a case of the parts wearing out. So everyone just assumes that GID will eventually wind up being the same thing. However, from reading case studies and first hand experiences, everything points to a variety of causes, because it's clear that our experiences are so different, and occur at such a great spread of physical ages. The single commonality among western mtf gid, is the effect that social stigma of expressing any female behavior has on us, and the embarrasment and/or shame many of us feel when we are 'caught' trying to be the females we have the urge to be; and those feelings, unfortunately, often suppress rational thinking as well as memories that could have helped us figure ourselves out. So many of us don't want to know the cause, lest we somehow be responsible for any of it, because for a boy to want to be a girl, we are told throughout our lives, is the absolute worst thing he can be. Effeminate boys are ridiculed, sissies are outcasts, every 'real male' group uses feminine pronouns as insults to other males. So it will be extremely hard to learn the causes, because even scientific members don't really want to learn the truth, that their own scientific method as always used before, simply won't work this time around, because there is no ONE answer to be found.

[PaulaQ]

So everyone just assumes that GID will eventually wind up being the same thing.

1. That's completely incorrect, Lexi. The current scientific thinking does not assume all CD's will transition - far from it.
2. Consider that you are possibly kind of a statistical outlier.

[Katey888]

I asked my therapist about cross-dressing and autoeroticism. She is an expert on both gender and human sexuality. She told me a few things that are shocking....

4. A CDer is essentially female identified with a partial male persona, rather than male identified with a partial female persona.

Fascinating stuff! And perhaps a little hard to swallow totally... this might be a very well-educated opinion but I don't believe there is anything truly that concrete about GD..?

I also can't believe that this is still so binary? If there is so much flexibility with being able to accommodate until this hits a point at which TS is the right definition (and way forward) doesn't this also mean that if CDers were truly female identified, we wouldn't be able to just dress 3 or 4 hours a month (which was me last month, but I'd rather it were more.... Oh - hang on... ;)) without suffering real angst about not expressing more? I still think there's more a mix of gender identities and a broad band - say in the beyond 60% 'female' category, where there is more comfort gained in considering transition... I think also it's just not as simple as that, but it's certainly not binary...

Interesting though! :)

Katey x

[Samantha_Smile]

I don't think anything ever caused me to crossdress.

My mum did reveal to me early on in life (years before I first 'borrowed' her clothes) that when I was a baby up to the age of 2 she would dress me in girls clothes.
Not to take me out in or anything like that, but she used to knit and sew clothes for my female cousins, and she needed a willing mannequin of the same size.
That's where I came in LOL.
I still don't remember any of this, even to this day.

In terms of when I started to realise I liked it?
Well my dad was always around, so it wasn't for lack of a male role model.
But there are myriad theories, loner kid, bullied, never had a GF until I was 17 (started age 13), the kids in my street were mainly girls so we would play together a lot.
I dunno, I just kinda wondered what it felt like to wear the clothes that girls and women wear.
One try and I was hooked.

[ReineD]

I asked my therapist about cross-dressing and autoeroticism. She is an expert on both gender and human sexuality. She told me a few things that are shocking.

Has your therapist read this new textbook (2013) for LGBT therapists?

http://www.amazon.com/Counseling-LGBTI-Clients-Kevin-Alderson/dp/1412987180

Here's the full chapter on crossdressers. It includes citations to major studies done in the area. You will see there are different theories.

http://www.sagepub.com/upm-data/47510_ch_7.pdf



1. Cross-dressers are female identified, with gender dysphoria that is less progressed than a transsexual, and that CDers don't hate their maleness or even enjoy being male, but they are female, while a transsexual typically cannot endure much more time playing male, because the GD has progressed so far.

By definition, crossdressers are male identified or gender-nonconforming (gender-fluid if you will). Else they would not be crossdressers, they would be female-identified transsexuals.



2. What you do in private is who you really are. If you CD in private, than you are really female identified. If you fantasize about being a woman when masturbating, then you are really female identified.

This is not true, if you look at the vast population of male-identified CD fetishists or CD non-fetishists, who do CD in private and who are not in the least bit interested in identifying as a woman. Read some of the threads in this very forum about this, and also do a google search of CD + sex and have a look at the millions of websites that cater to the fetishists, far more than there are support websites for the CDers.



3. Most CDers don't transition because the GD hasn't progressed far enough to warrant it. They love their wives, love having sex with their wives, don't hate their penises or beards, and feel they have too much to lose trying to transition, and yes it's true that you have a lot to lose. Many CDers who stay in the closet and don't venture out the house en femme for the same reasons, fearing too much to lose plus transphobia.

They do not transition precisely because they do not hate their male sexual characteristics. They would not be happy living as women full time nor would they be happy without their male sexual functioning. I think it's a mistake to paint all CDers as men who float in the breeze according to societal mores and who don't transition because they fear losing their families and risk being stigmatized. The simplest explanation is that they are exactly where they want to be, even though the fantasy of living life as a woman is tantalizing.



4. A CDer is essentially female identified with a partial male persona, rather than male identified with a partial female persona.

I suppose there are arguments for both sides of this debate. But please read the link above together with all the threads we've had here by members who do not identify as women. There is a difference between transsexualism and gender-nonconformity (and just plain old crossdressing) and it's more than having various degrees of gender dysphoria.

BTW - transitioned TSs will tell you it was not technically gender dysphoria they had (they actually were quite clear what gender they are), it was more a question of being dysphoric with their bodies (their sex).

I believe there are however, (although this is difficult to measure), gender-nonconformists who either do not know if they are, or would rather think themselves as transsexual. I think it takes time for many people to navigate through this most difficult determination and in the end, there are those who will discover they are TS, while others will discover they are not.

And last, there are therapists (not all of them) who do have tunnel vision possibly because of their limited exposure and/or their own personal bias. Some of these therapists believe that everyone who dresses must have GD, while others believe that everyone must be inherently fetishistic. The truth is, there are TSs, there are fetishists, and there is everyone in between including those who have partial GD and those who have not.

I think it would be helpful to seek a therapist who has successfully counseled a healthy mix of both TSs and CDs.

[Cheryl T]

What "Caused" it??
Genetics for sure!!!

My explanation...
My father had 2 brothers. All 3 were married to unrelated women. Between them, in my generation there are 4 male children. Of these 4 I crossdress and my 3 cousins are all gay. We were all brought up in separate homes and are slightly different in ages, enough so that we did not have the same experiences growing up.
I see no other explanation besides Genetics!!

[almalove]

I've done a lot of reading and research about homosexuality, gender, crossdressing, bi, les, and at the end of the day, I'm just about in the same place I started, it seems that there's not one factor alone, or one predetermine reaction, there is psychological, genetical, psychoanalytic and sociological factors, then there are the reactions, that are not the same for all persons, that why we have gays,trans, bis, crossdressers, lesbi and some conbinations, For me at times I'm more confused then at the beganing, but this is what I know about me, hetero,cross dresser, I have tried to stop but we all know where that ends, so today I take one day at a time enjoying life as much as possible with what I'm, good luck

[sometimes_miss]

1. That's completely incorrect, Lexi. The current scientific thinking does not assume all CD's will transition - far from it.
2. Consider that you are possibly kind of a statistical outlier.

Not the end result; the cause.

[tryingtoblossom]

I personally have no reason. I remember from a young age (about 4) i would pull the neighbors female laundry off the line and wear it. And have been doing it ever since. I have no problems with my manhood at all I just enjoy dressing as a woman seeing how the other half lives. The women always seem to have better everything that guys. I was a top sportsman even was in the military for a number of years. The only people who really know of my fondness for CD my mum and dad. Having said that I only a few years ago found out my father was a CD.

[franlee]

Absolutely NOTHING caused me to "become" a crossdresser.

It is just who I am.

I agree with the addition of, "it is what I wanted to do."

[drushin703]

I don't know exactly..But I do remember that Mom's favorite girdle, much to her surprise, also turned out to be my
favorite girdle. The rest, as they say, is just optokinetics....dana

[tina99]

I was born transgender (i.e. with Gender Dysphoria), and knew it from a very early age. I am TS.

__________________________________________________ _____
A lot can be learned about Transgender people from Intersex people.

For more on this, see Lynn Conway's page entitled
"Basic TG/TS/IS Information" at
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS.html .

Lynn Conway's home page is at www.LynnConway.com .
She is transsexual, and is a very successful Computer Scientist and Engineer.

Her site is one of the largest TG sites on the web.

[celeste26]

"Xenoestrogens are a type of xenohormone that imitates estrogen. They can be either synthetic or natural chemical compounds. Synthetic xenoestrogens are widely used industrial compounds, such as PCBs, BPA and phthalates, which have estrogenic effects on a living organism even though they differ chemically from the estrogenic substances produced internally by the endocrine system of any organism. Natural xenoestrogens include phytoestrogens which are plant-derived xenoestrogens. Because the primary route of exposure to these compounds is by consumption of phytoestrogenic plants, they are sometimes called "dietary estrogens". Mycoestrogens, estrogenic substances from fungi, are another type of xenoestrogen that are also considered mycotoxins."

Chemicals like those cross into the womb and wash the fetus causing feminization in utero, they wont change the genetic code but they will effect the gender expression. One well known chemical was DES given to women who were suspected they might have premature delivery, that chemical is well established as causing intersexed conditions.

All of the arguments for a "nuture cause" for being CD have plenty of evidence to offer counter evidence against them.

[tina99]

.
WPATH essentially says that many crossdressers and other transgender people have, to some degree, a gender identity which does not match the sex assigned to them at birth.

They also say in their "Standards of Care," that "gender identity... [is] understood to be firmly established by age 4, though for some transgender individuals, gender identity may remain somewhat fluid for many years."

(From www.wpath.org/site_page.cfm?pk_association_webpage_menu=1352&pk_association_webpage=3947 ).

__________________________________________________ ___________

WPATH, formerly known as the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, wrote the Standards of Care for the Health of Transsexual, Transgender, and Gender Nonconforming People.

WPATH's web site is at www.WPATH.org .

A PDF of The Standards of Care, version 7 (2011), is at
www.wpath.org/uploaded_files/140/files/IJT%20SOC,%20V7.pdf .

__________________________________________________ ___________

I am a retired Computer Programmer, formerly with a large corporation, and part of my job was recommending which hardware and software the company should buy.

Another part of my job was doing research on various things, and then providing the company with the results of my research.

If I had just given them my opinions (recommendations) about what they should buy, but not provided any documentation about how I developed my recommendations, they would have told me that they needed documentation showing how I developed my recommendations.

The same was true when I was in college. My professors did not want just my opinions, but supporting documentation about how I developed those opinions.

===

[lovetobedani]

I've read all of the posts and some a few times. I can identify with what many have said. I agree that females are by and large treated better and are more highly valued than males. I've always thought this way. Females have so many more choices in life as well. My parents definitely treated my sister better then me. With that said, I'm not so sure that my experiences had anything to do with my cross dressing.

I can remember bad as far as when I was about four playing with any trying on my mothers bra. When I was a little older I recall looking at a lingerie ad in the Life Magazine wondering if I would grow up to look like that. I was never all that athletic and was always the last to be chosen on a team to play ball. I liked doing less competitive things more. When I was about eight I wondered why I wasn't born female. I stated dressing fully when I was about 13. I skipped the wear one item of female clothing at a time then add to it. I wanted to look as female as I could from the start. I have no idea why I started. I just did. It just felt like the natural thing to do. I was happier with what I saw in the mirror. Then I grew up and now I'm a larger build cannot pass and appear extremely masculine. The biggest issue that I've faced is not feeling like I belong anywhere. I identify with females more than I do males but I'm not accepted as one. I try to fit in with males but I struggle with that. I've come to accept who and what I am.

I'm grateful that this forum helps me find many others out there who are like me. Now I don't feel all alone.

[Maryesther M.]

I was a late comer here. In my early forties I had to spend some time away from home studying and later on working abroad. I missed my leggy mini-wearing wife and I found a flared mini that fitted me, shaved my legs one evening and paraded in front of a mirror admiring my bottom half feminine appearance.

First it was the powerful sexual buzz associated with pulling on tights and a short skirt. That was way before digital photography and the internet. Later on with the acquisition of boobs & wigs it became the narcissistic camouflage thing. I could take 25 years off the appearance of the old dial by hiding it under make up & a wig.
This reinforced the dressing up bit, which was enhanced by fitting breastforms & pumps bought on the internet. As for 'passing' or living 'en femme', they were both a complete non-starter, so the pleasure was & remains totally private.

M.

[WhisperTV]

For me it wasn't genetics. It wasn't due to a bullying female figure. I strongly doubt I'll ever get a sex change, or even take hormones.

It's just something I tried and found that I liked. The biggest mental trauma in all of this for me is that it's a somewhat expensive activity.

[sometimes_miss]

One of the things that continues to amaze me, is the huge percentage who insist that what they believe caused GID in themselves, MUST be the only possible answer for all of us. While I understand the tremendous desire to believe that there are lots of other people similar to yourselves, still, it staggers the mind how closed minded such a huge part of our civilization is. Why is it so difficult to accept that others have had a different path in life than you have?

[jaymee144]

Cross dressing has been a part of my life since before I can remember, its just taken different shapes and played different roles. We in my family often joke about me having been the forgotten child (youngest of three) which really rings true. My sister was the center of attention and I think I too had some envy for that. Curiosity brought me into her closet and form there It just became this compulsion.

I wouldn't say that I started "truly" accepting my femme side until college. It was when I first realized how depressed I was. I first dressed up for a drag ball at school and the escape was what sunk me in. It became a way for me to not be me. When I finally lived on my own, I spent a summer dressed as much as I could and online. The confidence I got from people telling me how beautiful and cute I was became intoxicating. I think that experience, that acceptance, thats what really caused me to become who I am.

I don't know if I agree with you when you say females are treated better :/ There is a very prominent male privilege in this world that many of us happen to benefit from.

[WhisperTV]

I don't know if I agree with you when you say females are treated better :/ There is a very prominent male privilege in this world that many of us happen to benefit from.
Depends. Males tend to get paid more, but also thrown in jail more. And if a man ever finds himself in a custody battle with an ex-wife he'll probably find the woman is seen as the more important parent by default.

I don't even want to think what would have happened if I had been a CDer when I divorced my ex. I'm not sure I would have even been able to see my kid.

[Stephanie Sometimes]

What caused me to become a crossdresser:
225706

What tried to keep me from being a crossdresser:
Parents and family
Peer pressure
Bullies in school
Friends
Media
Religious brainwashing
Career
What I assumed the girls wanted in a man
The laws in the state of Texas when I was growing up (it was called “female impersonation� and it was illegal)

And who knows WTF else!
Hugs,
Stephanie

[abby054]

I have no idea what caused this. It has always been part of me, as far as I know. The very first question that I recall asking as a little kid had to do with gender aspects of clothing. The first several questions, in fact.

Causality, as my electrical engineering professors taught me, is difficult to establish and requires much more rigor than mere correlation. As I cannot identify a time before crossdressing appeared in my life, identifying and proving a cause is too difficult for me to establish.

My professors also taught me that a causality is a powerful thing, leading to, but not guaranteeing, an ability to influence and control the behavior of a system, whether simple and inanimate or much more complicated and even biological in nature. (The final exam in my second course in control theory was a biological system control: Controlling gypsy moths in New England, a complicated control problem and one in which causality is subtle and important. Proven causality influences oaks much differently than it influences pines, for example. And that bio system must be kept unstable, odd as that may sound.)

What would happen if I could identify and prove a cause? Would this cease? I doubt it, but I cannot say for sure. Some things cease when the cause is removed and other things do not. Would I really want it to cease? Not really. Fortunately, I enjoy it and it shows no signs of disappearing from my life, my wife's opinions notwithstanding.

If anything, this rambling may help reinforce the notion that causality is difficult to establish and, even when proven, it remains a fact that is difficult to apply effectively.

[sometimes_miss]

I don't know if I agree with you when you say females are treated better :/ There is a very prominent male privilege in this world that many of us happen to benefit from.

See, it's those good things (or privileges as some like to see them) that we often forget about because we've always had them. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. In today's western society, women have gained so much that it's easy to envy parts of their lives; so much so, that we feel the burden of male responsibility that much more, and so it's easy to view a girl's life as more carefree and devoid of all those responsibilities. Men rarely consider all the difficulties that women have to deal with on a day to day basis throughout their lives.

[susan jackson]

What caused me to be a crossdresser?

I was born!

[Mollyanne]

Ha, finally someone has asked me why I dress????? I grew up in a very stressful family unit. I also found out that I was supposed to be a girl at birth but I am a male(NOT LIKING IT ONE BIT)!!!!! I liked the way girls looked when dressed up, how they smelled, how they walked, how they talked and everything else a female does. I found that I liked very feminine underwear and started wearing the things of my lust at an early age. As I grew older my penchant for dressing became stronger and I wanted to be a girl more than anything else. I "borrowed" moms stuff and always tried to put the things back the way I found them but I knew mom knew what I was doing, and she never said a word to me. I did finally tell her out of necessity and she just nodded her head and said that she knew.

Molly

[Ressie]

Born this way or early childhood development? One thing I remember about my 4th birthday. I got my first pair of jeans and I liked the way my butt looked in them. Within a couple of years I was wearing panties that were for my sister's doll (until my mom found out). One halloween I didn't have a costume so my mom had me wear my sister's coat to go trick or treating. Played dress up at a neighbor's house and liked the feeling of wearing heels.

I felt that my mom and sister had an influence on me, but maybe they were reacting to something about me? I read somewhere long ago that boy toddlers shouldn't be dressed in girl's clothes because it will have an affect on them. Did this happen to me? Maybe, idk. By age 17 I told my mom I wished I was a girl. Probably peer pressure influenced me to accept that I was a boy? I could go on, but summing up, the answer is unknown.

[tryingtoblossom]

Nothing caused me to be a crossdresser. I just enjoy how the clothes make me feel. What it feels like to see and know what women go through. I am not gay or have thoughts of having sex with other men. I have been like this from a young age. I have wondered at times why I am like this and have tried to stop for many years but I cannot give up wanting to crossdress. Nor do I want to.

[Sarah Doepner]

Society decided that there were some types of clothing that were appropriate for specific people and inappropriate for others. They call it crossdressing if I wear a skirt and top or a dress and heels. They call me a transvestite if I attempt to bring a look together that matches clothing that is designed originally for women. I call it enjoyable, comfortable, an interesting challenge, being true to myself. So society made me a crossdresser.

[Michelle789]

And last, there are therapists (not all of them) who do have tunnel vision possibly because of their limited exposure and/or their own personal bias. Some of these therapists believe that everyone who dresses must have GD, while others believe that everyone must be inherently fetishistic. The truth is, there are TSs, there are fetishists, and there is everyone in between including those who have partial GD and those who have not.

I think it would be helpful to seek a therapist who has successfully counseled a healthy mix of both TSs and CDs.

My therapist has counseled CDers, TSes, FTMs, couples, and even "failed men". She does not believe everyone will transition, and is neither a transition mill nor a gatekeeper. I find her to be very objective, humanistic, and willing to look at every single angle. Her thinking is not black and white, and she admitted that she's not sure whether or not these CDers would ever transition, nor what would potentially cause their GD to go into overdrive pushing them towards transition, but she did say there is definitely a solid female identity with CDers. We talked about this for about 20 minutes, along with a bunch of other topics, so I'm sure I could ask her more questions about this subject. I also asked her about these "failed men". She told me a few interesting things about them.

1. They're very rare. Less than 1% of all MTF TS/potential TS cases are failed men, and 0% of CD cases.

2. Their gender dysphoria is usually caused by some childhood trauma or sexual abuse (or misandry or the other stuff that Kelly Jameson talks about a lot).

3. Even true CDers and TSes may have experienced childhood trauma or sexual abuse, which needs to be separated from the actual GD.

4. Their female identity is typically a weak and sporadic female identity, and is far weaker than that of a cross-dresser.

5. They typically believe that it's easier to be a woman than to be a man. So do some CDers or TSes.

6. They cross-dress sporadically, and typically never cross-dress for any sustained periods of time. Many cross-dressers and TSes may purge and have large gaps in between their CDing, but when they start it typically lasts for a sustained amount of time.

7. When they go to TG support groups, they quickly realize that they're not TS, TG, or even a CD. Typically going through any early transition typically quickly find out that their not trans anything, and usually give up cross-dressing completely.

8. Sometimes trying HRT or sustained cross-dressing or sustained living as a woman is the only way to figure out for sure where you fall on the gender spectrum.


1. That's completely incorrect, Lexi. The current scientific thinking does not assume all CD's will transition - far from it.
2. Consider that you are possibly kind of a statistical outlier.

My therapist concurs on this too. If you're a wife of a CDer, in spite of the fact that your hubby identifies as female, you don't have to worry about him transitioning. Statistically 98% of CDers will never transition. In the 2% case that he ends up transitioning to she, than there's nothing you can do to stop it. Some things we're powerless over. You have a far better chance of divorcing your husband for reasons other than cross-dressing or transitioning - try 50%.


If all this is true it explains a lot. It all makes sense to me. But I hate my beard!

Nothing is black and white. Just because you don't hate your beard doesn't make you not TS, and just because you hate your beard doesn't make you TS. I suppose that you could be a cis-gendered male, not trans anything, and still hate your beard.


if my H is female identified, he's annoyingly male about it! And not in an 'I'm hiding my true feminine self' way - in an annoying doesn't listen, needs-a-man-cave, can't listen, refuses to talk about anything, will never listen, stubborn, clueless, fix-everything, obsessive, competitive male sort of way!!


That doesn't mean anything. Lots of TSes are like that before they transition, they had to learn male behavior to survive as a male, and often have a hard time breaking down those learned male behaviors. Even cis-women can have some of those traits, although much less likely. Cis-men can also be very effeminate. There is a such thing as an effeminate male, both gay and straight, that aren't any CD nor TS nor trans anything.





Can I join the third gender please? Because this one's getting awfully crowded.

I'd like to see the gender binary removed as a requirement to live life, and for us to have options to live within the binary, or outside the binary. Even if we transition from male to female (or female to male) we should have the choice to either live within the binary or live outside the binary. Yes, a fully transitioned TS woman may choose to express masculine traits and live outside the binary while still identifying as female and taking hormones and getting surgery to feminize the body. Remember that gender identity and gender expression are different things. You need not have to fall within all gender stereotypes to identify as a certain gender.

[Dana3]

I don't know if there is any one single thing that "Caused" me to become a cross dresser. Nor even there is such a thing? I've always been drawn toward the feminine side, women, femininity etc. I've always acquiesced toward women and femininity even as a young child and as far back as I can remember.

But in the "real world" where I was forced and compelled to live in my day-to-day existence, its was the "Need" to acquiesce toward the societal, cultural, and religious "Norms" that were thrust upon me in heavy handed fashion all most on a daily basis. Thus in the name of self preservation? I subscribed to the social, cultural, and religious "norms" as defined to me?

What is considered and taken for "normal" is probably heavily skewed toward nefarious intents by which and that have very little to do with being a "real man" OR a "real woman. Indeed in doing so is driven more by profit and the all mighty dollar as anything else.

What the difference between a pair of "Boy Shorts" and a pair of "Tighty-Whihty Men's cotton briefs? One is sold in the women's section of Walmart and costs about 80% more and the other in the men's department and cost about 80% less? And Oh yea the latter has that arrangement for your privates which I've never understood the need for?

[Michelle789]

Indeed in doing so is driven more by profit and the all mighty dollar as anything else.

Sometimes I feel like the entire system of patriarchy, along with the gender binary, was socially constructed as a system to control resources (or lack thereof, especially food) as humans migrated away from the equator into colder climates, and a season which we all dread, called winter, wipes out our food supply for 6 months out of the year. Bears hibernate for the winter, birds fly south for the winter, and humans created patriarchy to survive winter. So yes, the mighty dollar does drive the gender binary and transphobia, along with racism, sexism, and homophobia.

[Foxy Lady]

I was nine or ten and saw my mothers OBG on top of the hamper and I just had totry it on, I did and mom caught me. She was upset and punishment she said I would spend the next weekend in bra, panties girdle, stockings, slip and dress. I was hooked and been dressing ever since.

[manito_76]

It was about my 10 years, when I stayed at home and when I turned the stuff of my mother, I felt an indescribable thrill of seeing nylon stockings. I think they are to blame for everything.

[AnneC]

I remember lots of things but one thing that stands out in my memory is trying on my grandmother's girdle when I was bout four or five. She thought it was cute and when I think back to how I came to be this way, I always come back to that. It is a wonderful memory.

[Lacyfem]

I can see we are all different as my first time is still vivid in my mind and not sure whey it happened as alcohol was involved when I was 11. Parents out to dinner and started drinking my dad's bourbon and was feeling real good. I remember feeling very sexual and dropping all my cloths on the living room floor and going into my mom's bathroom and pulling out a bra and panty from the hamper and putting them on for the first time. That did it, I was hooked as so liked the way I looked and the sexual feeling it gave me. For the rest of my years at home I dressed a lot in my mom's lingerie, hose and heels but not dresses or other clothing as that came later in life when I fully realized I loved being a gurl as it certainly isn't an accepted thing. As to why I or anyone else feels the way they feel, who knows, I just know I've not been able to stop over all these years and don't intend to any more as have gone too far and enjoyed so much being a gurl. Besides, womens clothing is so much more exciting in both under and outter wear isn't it. Also, getting older the makeup does help doesn't gurls. So women though they complain sometimes do have it better than men. So who cares of the why, I just am who I am!

[TGMarla]

What caused it? Simple. I did. No one did this to me, it was not some kind of reaction to my father's rejection, or some need fulfilled that my mother did not provide. I put on pantyhose one day, and was instantly addicted to the feeling. The rest of the clothing grew out of that. I began to crossdress because I was curious about the clothing. I did it because I wanted to.

[Krista1985]

Well a few years back,

I was bitten by a crossdresser and transformed into one myself during the next full moon. But for real, my intro to CD was somewhat different/somewhat similar to others descriptions. I always kinda knew something was different about me, never really could put my finger on it until I had some time and space to myself. I started being drawn to TG stuff online in my late teens/early 20's and it just grew. Before you know it, I have some basics, the forms and pocket bra, the padded panties, some outfits, then little by little added the rest until I had everything I needed. No way I'd go back to not dressing either.

[ReineD]

1. They're very rare. Less than 1% of all MTF TS/potential TS cases are failed men, and 0% of CD cases.

2. Their gender dysphoria is usually caused by some childhood trauma or sexual abuse (or misandry or the other stuff that Kelly Jameson talks about a lot).

3. Even true CDers and TSes may have experienced childhood trauma or sexual abuse, which needs to be separated from the actual GD.

4. Their female identity is typically a weak and sporadic female identity, and is far weaker than that of a cross-dresser.

5. They typically believe that it's easier to be a woman than to be a man. So do some CDers or TSes.

6. They cross-dress sporadically, and typically never cross-dress for any sustained periods of time. Many cross-dressers and TSes may purge and have large gaps in between their CDing, but when they start it typically lasts for a sustained amount of time.

7. When they go to TG support groups, they quickly realize that they're not TS, TG, or even a CD. Typically going through any early transition typically quickly find out that their not trans anything, and usually give up cross-dressing completely.

8. Sometimes trying HRT or sustained cross-dressing or sustained living as a woman is the only way to figure out for sure where you fall on the gender spectrum.

While some of the points above may very well apply to the less than 1% of TSs and 0% of CDers you speak of in point #1 (the "failed men" +?) , this is not at all what you said in your post #81 that I addressed earlier. You were making rather large blanket statements about CDers as a whole.

[Emi_]

Um... A cause??? Not really sure that science has figured that one out. Lots of theories, but there really isn't any kind of tipping point where I suddenly "became" a cross-dresser. I was aware of being this way long before I can even really remember anything else. I struggled with it for most of my life and made lots and lots of stupid mistakes along the way, but I have always been this. What's more, I'm not really sure that knowing a "cause" would influence me in any particular way - I am not a victim of anything, I am who I am and I am fine with being me - that is really the best one can hope for, to be at peace with one's own self.

[tiffyjo]

Hmmmm, good question. My answer, "I'm not sure". I found an old pair of my mom's panties in a rag bag. My curiosity got me and I had to try them on. It felt soooo wonderful. The rest is history.

[Ressie]

As I've said in another thread… Some boys (or men) wonder what it would be like to try on a female garment. What do most guys think? Do they wonder but tell themselves "No way am I trying on panties"! Or is it that the thought never crosses their mind?

The first group become CDs or fetishists, but there was something that brought on the curiosity in the first place.

[jessica wai]

I am a hetero male with typical male interests.

I started CD since 14 years old.
I think my introverted, empathic and gentle personality is closer to female.
I feel more relaxed talking about girly stuff (home, cooking, entertainment, shopping) than harsher and competitive male stuff.
I am Asian and I do not feel that I could match the other guys in physique and body size.
I was very impressed and excited when I was hit on or phrased by men in the street when I went en femme in my 20's.

Now, being a CD is the only truly exciting and relaxing activity I could think of.
Applying makeup, picking clothes and then going out en femme is the single most enjoyable activity for me.

Yet, I have not done it for 2 years now !

[tightsplease1986]

I was nine or ten and saw my mothers OBG on top of the hamper and I just had totry it on, I did and mom caught me. She was upset and punishment she said I would spend the next weekend in bra, panties girdle, stockings, slip and dress. I was hooked and been dressing ever since.

That sounds like one of the best punishments ever for cross dressers like us!

[Tina June]

I have no idea what caused my crossdressing, I just have always thought that I should have been a girl.

[dana digs sweaters]

Genetics!

The genetics that I am the only boy with 5 sisters.
So there is No How, No Way I was not going to end up in girl clothes somehow.

The genetics in which all of my sisters are Fem girls.
They still looked like girls even when (at different times) 2 of them wore my football uniform for Halloween.
The genetics that I did not look like a boy when I wore one of theirs cheerleading uniform for Halloween. Dolled up completely mind you.

The genetics in which the 4 youngest (me included) have such very strong facial resemblances.
The genetics in which I was physically a late bloomer. I could wear their clothes until after I had a growth spurt at 17.
The genetics in which I liked their fashion styles while growing up and that they like mine now that we are adults.

My choice to wear their clothes, away from them, while growing up is not genetic.
Just as my choice to dress completely head to toe in female clothes after getting out on my own at 18, is not genetic.

[RobynC]

My earliest memory was I should have been born as a girl. My older sister was more of a Tomboy that didn't really like to dress up and put makeup on. While I would have loved to be dressed in an Easter dress and bonnet. Once my sister and mom dressed me up as a girl for Halloween, I don't recall resisting and I enjoyed the wolf whistles the neighborhood boys gave me. As we got older my sister seemed to be uncomfortable with the whole Junior & Senior prom thing. We were about the same size and I enjoyed wearing those gowns, I think they fit me better then they fit her. I don't know if anyone here has tried past life regressions where they hypnotize you and you recall past lives? Well I had this done and recalled several past lives, one sticking out the most. Being a girl that died at a young age in the early 1800s. Who knows what happens when you die? But maybe somehow or someway a piece of her soul is in me? I like dresses and gowns also, so maybe that is why I feel this way and became a crossdresser?

[Sc0rp10N]

Hi, new here...

I did not cross dress young, really late bloomer (39 and only recently started), no hormonal imbalance, not overly exposed to porn, straight, masculine, not really sure I fit in...

I'm a macho guy, always have been, hairy, masculine, in control, tough, confident, etc. Then a couple years ago, my wife, while still my girlfriend wanted to use her toy on me. As macho as I was, with the crazy, swinging, fiery sex life we had, I was up for experimentation. I liked it. But was conflicted afterward. Felt less than macho. So that continued sparcely for a couple years, until about a year ago. The act had started to make me feel a little submissive and feminine afterward vs my usual dominant nature. Our crazy sex life had cooled, we'd gotten married, she'd been dressing less and less sexy and her wearing little club dresses had always turned me on, so I suggested I could wear one while we did THAT. She was a tiny bit apprehensive, but agreed. It did the trick. I didn't feel unmanly or gay afterward because I was playing a girl. We took some pics during because I always love looking back to the good times. I liked the body shots but made sure to crop my head out of all the shots cuz I just didn't want to look at me wearing a dress. Over analyzing as guys normally do, I came to the conclusion, the more I looked like a girl in the pictures, the more satisfied I'd be about the experience. So I got breast forms, corset, heels, wig, makeup etc. The first night I got totally dolled up, we had planned to have sex, her using a strap-on toy on me, we were having some drinks leading up to it, petting and touching, making out and laughing and I just felt so good and comfortable I suggested not having sex this time. She said I looked amazing and I felt amazing. We took some pics, I was happy with them. We enjoyed our drinks, had a good time being close and went to bed. I was really horny though, but amazingly, I was not frustrated which is a big deal for my macho self. Anyway, long story short, I've completely dressed up a few times now, a couple times with sex, a couple without and its been some of the most fun I've had in years. I only do it for THAT type of sex though. No other time or reason. It doesn't always end in sex, but that is the reason for it. I'm still a very macho guy 99% of the time. I'm sure she loves that break. Also, she is awesome for putting up with all my craziness, the swinging, the cross dressing, etc.

oh, and just 2 nights ago, we were discussing that its something we should only ever do in private and, of course, I agree, but I'm also a little more adventurous and told her I thought it would be ok to go get a room or maybe attend a Halloween event, when she gave me an awesome compliment- she said she didn't think a Halloween event would be a good idea because I'm way too good at this... And it was only the 4th time I've ever done it all the way! Of course, she's a little worried to be seen in public, I think, or have anyone we know find out, and I'm right there with her on those, but care less about people I don't know and won't see again knowing. I think the compliment was double-edged, but I'm not worried about it, I was just thinking, can you imagine the sort of "tantric" effects of walking around, eyes on you, stressing out, and then release later in private?! Well I'm sure some of you can... Anyway just wanted to throw that in... Sorry for the novel...

[Tinkerbell-GG]

What caused it? Simple. I did. No one did this to me, it was not some kind of reaction to my father's rejection, or some need fulfilled that my mother did not provide. I put on pantyhose one day, and was instantly addicted to the feeling. The rest of the clothing grew out of that. I began to crossdress because I was curious about the clothing. I did it because I wanted to.

Honestly, after months of chatting to other wives off and on and hearing their H's stories from the horse's mouths so to speak (and not just all the femme forum competitiveness that is so common) most had a similar story. Curiosity did it. Nothing else. Tried it once, liked it, and there began the habit of a lifetime.

I have to wonder whether the confusion that seems to happen to the crossdresser later in life (not the TG or TS as I still believe they're different) is just a result of too much distance between the initial CD moment and their lives now? It's incredibly difficult to remember childhood clearly. Curiosity really could be the start of this for many, yet time leaves many thinking there's something else going on.

And Michelle789, I got to thinking about the female identity thing your therapist talks about, and I suddenly realised that as a female, I have no idea if that's MY identity! Seriously, I know I'm female, I have all the female parts, but for all I know I could have the brain wiring of a football player. How would I ever know? What does feeling male or female actually mean?? If you ask me, we're all just human, and feeling feminine or masculine is an emotion, not gender. I sure don't feel female of male. I just....feel.

Why are you all feeling something the rest of us don't??

[WhisperTV]

ale identity thing your therapist talks about, and I suddenly realised that as a female, I have no idea if that's MY identity! Seriously, I know I'm female, I have all the female parts, but for all I know I could have the brain wiring of a football player. How would I ever know? What does feeling male or female actually mean?? If you ask me, we're all just human, and feeling feminine or masculine is an emotion, not gender. I sure don't feel female of male. I just....feel.
I'm with you on this one, Tinkerbell. Men have feminine emotions and women have masculine emotions. It's just natural.

I think there are a very small percentage of CDers who really were "born this way". Those are probably the ones on their way to becoming transsexuals. But for most who say "I was born this way" I think it's something they tell themselves so they feel more feminine, or its therapist-induced hog wash.

No one is forcing them to put on nylons. Not society, not their genes. It's their choice.

:2c:

[ReineD]

I'm with you on this one, Tinkerbell. Men have feminine emotions and women have masculine emotions. It's just natural.

Can we really classify emotions as being either male or female? I believe that we all feel the full breadth of human emotion.

I once kicked in a wall (between the studs) with my heel, in anger over having found out my ex had had sex with another woman. I don't think that my emotions were male. I was just being an angry female.

Are men being female when they feel shy, for example? I think they are just being shy men.


... so I suggested I could wear one while we did THAT. She was a tiny bit apprehensive, but agreed. It did the trick. I didn't feel unmanly or gay afterward because I was playing a girl.

This is interesting. Dressing like a girl gave you permission to experience feelings that you did not think was OK for men to feel. Maybe this is what is different about some men who end up CDing .. they have a rather rigid, unforgiving view of what men must feel, so they construct a different persona in order to feel the full breadth of human emotion? I think it's OK for men to not feel macho.

[LilSissyStevie]

This is interesting. Dressing like a girl gave you permission to experience feelings that you did not think was OK for men to feel. Maybe this is what is different about some men who end up CDing .. they have a rather rigid, unforgiving view of what men must feel, so they construct a different persona in order to feel the full breadth of human emotion? I think it's OK for men to not feel macho.

So, do you think this might be the cure for CDing? The realization that a man doesn't have to be macho? POOF! Fetish gone! It hasn't worked so far so maybe I'm just not realizing hard enough.:o

[Ressie]

No one is forcing them to put on nylons. Not society, not their genes. It's their choice.

But why did we choose? How do you know it's not genetic? Kids are naturally curious about things, but not all boys are curious about trying on mom's or sister's dresses. Either that or the curiosity wasn't strong enough to go through with it.

I don't think there's any proof yet if it's genetic or or caused by events that happen during early childhood.

WhisperTV, you're speaking as if you aren't a CD by using the pronouns them and their. This implies that you are either a GG or an admirer. ?

[wanda66]

I just felt comfortable with nylons and the pleasure I felt wearing them. May be the taboo that boys dont wear such thing . For as long as I can remember it has excited me even now after 60 years its a rush...my inter self cause me to crossdress, I really wish it wasn't such a social issue....

[Tinkerbell-GG]

But why did we choose? How do you know it's not genetic? Kids are naturally curious about things, but not all boys are curious about trying on mom's or sister's dresses. Either that or the curiosity wasn't strong enough to go through with it.



I personally think the latter. I don't think curiosity needs a genetic reason. It just is. On that particular day at that moment, women's clothing appealed to you more than nine other little boys maybe thinking the same. Maybe their brothers/mothers/fathers walked in and the moment was forever lost. Maybe their mother didn't wear pretty lingerie or they weren't jealous of their sister that day. Maybe they tried on the superman outfit instead? Who knows!

By why does it have to be SO complicated?? :)

[ReineD]

So, do you think this might be the cure for CDing? The realization that a man doesn't have to be macho? POOF! Fetish gone! It hasn't worked so far so maybe I'm just not realizing hard enough.:o

No, I don't think there needs to be a "cure", although I do believe that people can stop if they want to and with the proper techniques, depending on how much fetish is involved ... not obviously if it is a matter of gender ambiguity or non-conformity. But we do have at least one member who has done extensive work with therapists, and who says that having integrated all his feelings have removed the obsession. Dressing is now a choice for this member and not something he cannot control, in other words he is also happy in guy mode.

This is why I thought that Scorpion's comments were interesting.

[WhisperTV]

Can we really classify emotions as being either male or female? I believe that we all feel the full breadth of human emotion.
I agree 100% Reine. But it is common practice to label some emotions male (like agression) and some female (like nuturing).


But why did we choose? How do you know it's not genetic?

WhisperTV, you're speaking as if you aren't a CD by using the pronouns them and their. This implies that you are either a GG or an admirer. ?
We know it's not genetic because genes don't control your behavior (with all due respect to Lady Gaga). Genes can give you the ability to, say, eat meat, but that doesn't prevent you from being a vegetarian. Genes can give you the ability to feel what we typically call feminine emotions, but that doesn't require you to wear a dress.

The "they" pronoun was used to refer to the people who think "I was born this way". I'm not in that group, so I used "they". Sorry if I offended anyone. That wasn't my intent.

[Jenniferathome]

But why did we choose? ...

Genetics + opportunity + denial. This also explains the late bloomers.

and as for all this "female identified" discussion...bullocks! I'm a guy. I only identify as male. And, I am a cross dresser. I'd bet my life this is the norm contrary to the armchair psychologists and vocal minority.

Tink, this is riddle with no answer. Maybe it's really a Haiku?

[ReineD]

I agree 100% Reine. But it is common practice to label some emotions male (like agression) and some female (like nuturing).

Females can be aggressive, and males can be nurturing. Think of all the olympic female athletes for example who compete aggressively, or even my experience with kicking in the wall! :p And think of all the fathers who care for their kids, more so now than ever since both partners have jobs outside the home. And custody is being granted increasingly to fathers, who can very much have a tea party with their little girls. :)

I realize that emotions are labeled female or male by some people (I think mostly by people here :p), but I think this is wrong. As the mother of three boys, I was proud to encourage the expression of their emotions when they were growing up, especially their tendencies to be nurturing. They are now incredibly sensitive adults who make great partners to their girlfriends! :) I dare say that many women my age or younger feel the same way.

[WhisperTV]

Again I agree with you 100%, Reine. :)

[Samantha Clark]

This is a fascinating thread to read. Responses are all over the map and quite far ranging. The responses seem to cover both individualized responses (why I crossdress) and attempts to generalize (why does anyone crossdress). Attempts at generalizations often draw on personal experience and opinion, but that doesn't make the effort to generalize uninteresting. They reveal the poster's personality and biases, which gives dimension to the person.

I won't attempt to reach a generalizable truth about what causes crossdressing, other than summarize what I've posted before about any behavior being a complex interplay of both genetics and environment. It is illogical to state that any behavior is caused by one to the exclusion of the other.

So why do I have a desire to crossdress? I don't know. I only know that I have that desire and it gives me pleasure. I don't have any early memories being drawn to women's clothes, so I can't point to any early impressions as a factor.

Really interesting thread to read. Thanks to the OP.

[Ressie]

I agree 100% Reine. But it is common practice to label some emotions male (like agression) and some female (like nuturing).


We know it's not genetic because genes don't control your behavior (with all due respect to Lady Gaga). Genes can give you the ability to, say, eat meat, but that doesn't prevent you from being a vegetarian. Genes can give you the ability to feel what we typically call feminine emotions, but that doesn't require you to wear a dress.

The "they" pronoun was used to refer to the people who think "I was born this way". I'm not in that group, so I used "they". Sorry if I offended anyone. That wasn't my intent.

Are you sure genetics have absolutely no role in behavior? Has this been proven? The meat analogy isn't quite convincing me.

To me, intersex explains a lot. Intersex are born this way, so why can't gays be born this way? Why can't CDs be born this way? We can choose not to be what we really are I guess.

It may be nurture rather than nature, idk. There isn't enough evidence for me to speak in absolutes one way or the other. Most of us are conveying our experience in this thread of why, and we're all a little different (unique). That ain't scientific though. Most of us had early childhood CD experiences that returned big time at adolescence, but genetics might also be involved. Humans are quite complex which has me keeping an open mind on this topic.

[Rachel Morley]

What caused me to become a crossdresser? I’m not sure if I was born this way or if I was born this way but somehow needed a “trigger” to release the desire to want to wear girl’s clothes or not. However, there is one thing that happened to me though, when I was six years old that I shall never forget. All my earliest memories of wanting to crossdress came after this happened.

As children, the kids in our street often played games in large groups. There was one time that I remember when about twelve of us were playing hide and seek. I remember running and hiding in my parents garage with one of my friends Rebecca, who lived a few doors down from me. I can’t remember the exact details of how it happened but, while we were hiding, Rebecca insisted that she dress me in her cardigan sweater. I can still recall to this day the intense feelings of excitement and fear that I had when she was doing this to me. I think I was excited because I really liked Rebecca, she was one of my best friends, and I enjoyed her attention. Also I think the fear was borne out of doing something (wearing a girl’s cardigan) that was somehow “forbidden” and also the fear of getting caught. We could have been found at any minute. Mix all of those emotions together into an intense moment, and at a formative age and well ... all I know is that after this event, my desire to want to dress up in girls clothes grew stronger and stronger ... and I still love to wear feminine cardigan sweaters today :)

[WhisperTV]

Are you sure genetics have absolutely no role in behavior? Has this been proven? The meat analogy isn't quite convincing me.

To me, intersex explains a lot. Intersex are born this way, so why can't gays be born this way? Why can't CDs be born this way? We can choose not to be what we really are I guess.

It may be nurture rather than nature, idk. There isn't enough evidence for me to speak in absolutes one way or the other. Most of us are conveying our experience in this thread of why, and we're all a little different (unique). That ain't scientific though. Most of us had early childhood CD experiences that returned big time at adolescence, but genetics might also be involved. Humans are quite complex which has me keeping an open mind on this topic.

Well, I didn't say they have no role in behavior. I said they don't control it.

I don't really buy into the idea that being gay in controlled by genetics either. I'll give you an example. Currently, my sexual preferences look like this (rough estimate):

Percentage of population I would consider sleeping with
Women: 1%
Men 0.1%
Transgender: 5%

But in my early teens the numbers would have been:
Women: 20%
Men: 0%
Transgender: 0%

Clearly I cannot say "I was born this way" about my current behavior. My sexual preferences changed over the years because of my experiences and my choices.

Perhaps I could say "I was born this way" about my preferences in my teens, but I'm not really convinced of that either.

[Samantha Clark]

To say that genes have no control over behavior is to misapprehend the question. Genes can in some cases "control" behavior. But in most cases, genes can have an influence on behavior. The degree of influence can be quite significant. Simply because genes do not control behavior in the same manner as eye color, the role of genetics cannot be so facilely dismissed.

[ReineD]

I can still recall to this day the intense feelings of excitement and fear that I had when she was doing this to me. I think I was excited because I really liked Rebecca, she was one of my best friends, and I enjoyed her attention. Also I think the fear was borne out of doing something (wearing a girl’s cardigan) that was somehow “forbidden� and also the fear of getting caught. We could have been found at any minute. Mix all of those emotions together at a formative age and well ...

Although some members will disagree, a popular theory for the crossdressing (and not transsexualism) is that it came about by early sexual imprinting. People will say they are not sexual when they're little and it's true that little kids don't have sex. But one's sexual development does start in the toddler years:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/sexual_health/development.html#

Kids do discover quite early (3-5 years old) that touching themselves feels good for example. And I remember having intense crushes on boys at an early age, in fact I think that my first love was Mighty Mouse (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdIev12fCPs)! Seriously. I was six years old. I can still remember the feeling when I heard, "Here, I come to save the day!" I would get butterflies in my stomach when I watched the cartoon. (And sadly, for most of my adult life I did believe that men's purpose was to save the day. I think I had a Cinderella syndrome.) :p

You describe some pretty powerful elements that might well have imprinted your eventual desire to crossdress: the intensity of the feeling as you tried on a piece of clothing worn by a girl you especially liked, and the excitement associated with the taboo.

A number of different things could easily imprint a multitude of CDers at an early age.

Not to go on and on, but my SO had an insight about how an insignificant incident when he was little, affected fears that he had as an adult. This has nothing to do with gender, but the principle is the same. Their family was driving in a rough neighborhood in a large city that was predominately black. He heard his father say, "I'm locking the doors". (Sorry for the non-PC story, but this was beyond my SO's control and it happened 50 years ago). Anyway, as a young man he often needed to pass through that neighborhood and he couldn't figure out why he felt nervous, until he remembered where that had come from when he was a child. A 2 second incident when he was 6, informed reactions he had when he was 20. For some reason, the urgency in his father's voice made a strong impression on my SO.

I think we are a conglomerate of our past experiences, even seemingly insignificant ones.

[sometimes_miss]

I think we are a conglomerate of our past experiences, even seemingly insignificant ones.
And this, can be the biggest problem. Even in therapy, we can only even consider that which we remember. All the little, 'insignificant', even ever so brief events can have long term impacts on who we become, and who we are. And when it comes to things we either don't want to remember, or subconsciously repress, it's all still there, affecting the rest of our lives, whether we're able to acknowledge it, or not.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Although some members will disagree, a popular theory for the crossdressing (and not transsexualism) is that it came about by early sexual imprinting. People will say they are not sexual when they're little and it's true that little kids don't have sex. But one's sexual development does start in the toddler years.


Actually, little kids apparently DO have sex. (see recent news article below) Anyone saying kids are not sexual are denying basic biology. We're born with a sex drive, whether we recognise it or not. By the way, this article will turn most parents stomachs!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2638450/Boys-aged-FIVE-quizzed-rape-200-10s-accused-sex-crimes-including-girls-young-six-NSPCC-blaming-relentless-rise-online-porn.html

Sometimes-miss, my guess is most truly don't remember that insignificant moment but whether that's because they've subconsciously blanked it out or because they were too young is anyone's guess. Hypnotherapy and ordinary old therapy would probably clear up a lot of the confusion I often read here.

[Paula_56]

My mother took DES and IMHO that's what did it

http://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/gender-identity/

[Lynn Marie]

It's pretty much accepted in the Transgender community that no one has any concrete evidence as to why this phenomenon happens. For those who feel that they are a girl trapped in a boy's body, acceptance is pretty easy. For those of us who are quite happy being boys and girls, it's not quite so easy. Especially when we take one of those gender tests on the Internet and we come up 100 % boy!

[Vintage4sarah]

Paula, I just read your posting on DES. Thank you for the link. My mind is spinning as my mother took DES for several years before I was born. Now comes the research.

[Farrah]

I have tried to answer this question for years. No one thing or person influenced it. I simply liked the feel of undergarments and one day I decided try it on, and the rest is history. I guess lingerie caused me to become a crossdresser. Well, I'm glad I became one!! I'm loving every minute of it!

[Stacye Rose]

I like to wear dresses, make-up, and high heeled shoes.:daydreaming:

[Aviatrix]

So many varying experiences, some that can (or think they have) pinpointed and exact moment or action. While for some I truly believe crossdressing is a choice and probably a fetish.

So for me, I don't know what caused me to be a crossdresser other than it is who I am and how I was born. Let me go down the list:
- I was an only child
- I don't recall either of my parents ever telling me they were hoping for a girl
- My parents divorced when I was 9, the rest of the time I was rasied by my Father who remained single
- As a child, I played with war with my guy friends, but was just as comfortable and happy playing clapping games with my girl friends during recess and on field trips. I climbed trees with both my guy and girl friends!
- I did have a pink Care Bear growing up, until my first dog adopted it as her own (Could this be it?)

So looking back, I never had a direct influence but I was always a little bit more feminine. I know that I always had an attraction to girls and I liked how they dressed, acted, and looked but until about 12 years old never thought that was me. Around 12 is when I know I became actively aware that I was different. What triggered the awareness was when I first tried on girl's clothing and instantly felt the butterflies in my tummy when I looked into the mirror, and I just felt and looked right. Even though that is how I felt, I didn't truly understand this feeling until later in life when I learned that I wasn't the only one that felt that way. Up until that and because of social norms that were taught, I felt ashamed and embarrassed. Whew, am I glad that phase is over!

And here I am today, open about myself to most of the world and happy about it waiting to the day I get to live more of a full time life!

--Charlene

[bianca316]

Admiration of womens clothings. They have so many different types and styles than guys. Accessories and all the other fun stuff. That's what drawn my attention

[ReineD]

My mother took DES and IMHO that's what did it

http://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/gender-identity/

I tried to track the study produced by Scott P Kerlin "Prenatal Exposure to Diethylstilbestrol (DES) (2004)". It apparently was presented at a conference, but I can find no evidence that it was published in any peer reviewed journal.

Here's the study:
http://www.desaction.org/documents/SCOTTKERLINRpt2005.pdf

There is also a CNN news article that is a cut and paste of the wording provided in your link:
http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-811910

I could find no other reference to Kerlin's study and I'm wondering if it was not published because his work is unsubstantiated.

There is evidence, however, that DES caused physical abnormalities in male sons: non-cancerous epididymal cysts and some other genital abnormalities, and a slight issue of infertility:

From the CDC.gov: http://www.cdc.gov/des/consumers/about/effects_sons.html

Here's another report from the desaction.org, that additionally states there are possibly higher incidents of testicular varicoceles (swollen varicose vein on the testicles), along with the possibility of testicular and prostrate cancer. They do say there is no evidenced-based research in human populations showing that homosexuality, transgender and transexualism are at issue:

http://www.desaction.org/dessons.htm

Last, here are study links from scholar.google on the myriad physical efffects of DES. I've only clicked on the first few links, and the only references to gender identity state there are no significant differences between DES children and the general population.
http://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=Prenatal+Exposure+to+Diethylstilbestrol&btnG=&hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C14

My concern is, a belief that DES causes gender identity issues might be an all too convenient way to explain away the crossdressing for those who look for explanations, even though there does not appear to be any evidence.

[Gailmiles]

far back as I can remember I liked looking at the lingerie adds in the newspaper. later in life a female family friend that had been staying with us left a box of clothes behind.. I was disappointed when my mother found the box and threw it away.

[janel p.]

Those pantyhose laying on the floor. Had to try them and was hooked.

[Sister Rachel]

" In my early childhood I was trying to gain contact with my mother" .. well in my case I can certainly relate to that, my mother and father separated when I was about three years old, and, unusually, my mother relinquished custody of me to my father after a few weeks or months, as a result I was raised first by my paternal grandmother and then, from age six, by a hostile stepmother ( "hostile" by her own recent admission). My first crossdressing experience occurred when I tried on some very feminine knickers from my grandmother's drawer at about three, when granny caught me I told her that I was "playing babies". I did read a theory once that cross-dressing in males is rooted in early separation from one's mother, and there may well be something in this in your case (emotional), and mine (physical) ? It's not true in all cases though, as anyone who has read through the many threads on the topic here will know, and I certainly can't say that my very secret and suppressed childhood feelings that I SHOULD have been born a girl all stem from this ..

.. just like you, at puberty it became a very sexual thing, and now mainly comfort, relaxation and happiness .. and a bit of fun :)

[Tinkerbell-GG]

" ...not true in all cases though, as anyone who has read through the many threads on the topic here will know...

They wouldn't know though, Brenda, as early childhood memory is fleeting and subjective. Every single member here might have one significant thing in common yet we will never know unless we perform hypnotherapy and other rigorous research on them.

Hmmmm....would that be so wrong?? :)

[Annie M]

It's complicated, maybe genetic or DES, the way my mom raised me or that I'm really a woman trapped, I don't know. Physically I am nothing like any of the men in my family, A good 50 pounds and 3 to 4 inches shorter.

[NicolaF]

Some of my first vivid memories are of playing with the two girls who used to mind my while my parents worked when I was between 3 and 6. Some of the time when I was at their house (they were sisters, aged 13-17 roughly) they used to put make-up and jewelry on me, and I remember absolutely loving it.

Whether that is what caused me to start, or whether I would have developed this way regardless of those events, I guess there will never really be a way of knowing that.

[Renee Elise]

For me it all started with an innocent curiosity about pantyhose. Once I put them on for the first time there was no turning back. Eventually my curiosity extended to other forms of female clothing and enjoying the tactile sensations eventually led me to dressing completely. Liking how my legs looked in nylon originally, and liking how they looked in nylon under a skirt even better brought me through the "looking glass." I think of myself as a red blooded guy who happens to have a wider range of clothing tastes than most.

[Tina_gm]

my feminine side.

[looking_good]

Absolutely NOTHING caused me to "become" a crossdresser. It is just who I am.
My favorite among the responses to a thoughtful question. I think I just fell in love! Thanks for making my day.

[missmars]

After I watched TV news about transwoman people(I was only 8 years old), I wanted to have female breast and enjoyed wearing a bra.

[ScarlettLox]

I honestly dont know the moment when i became a crossdresser. There was not one moment when i was like "kk now i wear girls clothes too" its just always been a part of me. I had a good childhood and was not repressed or anything. I have always dressed flamboyant even when not in fem clothes, and i did not start really dressing alot till recently.
Short version, i like girls clothes, i like being a girl sometimes.

[lpjamey]

For Me I was around 12 or so and had always had a fascination with lingerie in catalogs. One night after getting out of the shower I saw that my sister had laid her clothes out for school the next day and I thought I should find out what these pretty things were all about so I tried on the bra and panties and I was hooked. I also found something else to to keep my young mind racing but that's another story!

[Stephanie Julianna]

I can't remember that far back. My earliest memory of wanting to dress was maybe three years old. So what caused this love of things feminine? Maybe a hold over of a previous female life?

[ArleneRaquel]

I have always wanted to live as a female. I have felt so since the age of 6 or so.

[Stephanie Sometimes]

DES Connection to CD?

The fascination and desire to CD always seemed like something I was born with. As early as I can remember I knew there was this forbidden activity that I would someday embrace. I always assumed it was genetic, after this thread I begin to wonder.

The possible pre-natal DES connection with CD’ing is very interesting and thanks to Paula for bringing it up as I had never run across it. I don’t know if my mother took DES or not (if she were still alive I would be compelled to ask her). She was the kind of person that was fond of pharmaceutical solutions for almost anything and the time frame of my birth (1949) is consistent of when DES was being promoted by physicians so I now suspect that she may have taken it. I think the truth is destined to remain a mystery in my case.

As I read the various medical reports about the known and likely medical side effects on males of pre-natal DES by the mother I find that I have experienced at least 50% of the serious side effects in my lifetime. And that is not even including the possible connection with CD’ing or transgender tendencies.

Very interesting and thanks again Paula for bringing it up.

Hugs,
Stephanie

[Bryanne]

I'm not really certain. I grew up doing a lot of manly, macho things, and have always had very masculine interests, like sports, cars, horror movies and such. But right around the age of twelve, I became simply fascinated with girl's clothes, and wanting to wear them. And then came makeup, and I was hooked.
I've only had one girlfriend that knew of this (the ex-wife didn't wish to know or hear of it), and that was in my teens. She was fairly supportive, loaning me bras and helping me dress at her house. I lost my virginity to her when we were both fifteen, following a session of dressing and makeup, yet, for all of the sexual connections I could make to it, it just seemed like a natural thing to do was dress in girl's clothing.
It simply came over me in a wave at that age, and has stayed with me. Some guys play fantasy sports, I play fantasy shopping. I truly wish I knew what sparked this.

[NANNETTE]

I wanted to be a girl from a very early age. I developed a fascination with my Mothers stockings and later her tights. I tried a dress on at the age of six and attempted to put a pair of stockings on. I was very envious of the girls in my school when they started to wear nylon tights. I eventually tried on a pair of my Mothers tights at the age of twelve and have never looked back. Like a lot of people who have worn tights for the first time as a young child I could not believe how good my legs looked in tights. I have loved tights and dresses and skirts and shoes ever since.

[LeeAnne]

I agree, we are just wired as we're wired. That said, I do think certain influences "help" us along our path. In my case it was early and frequent exposure to a close family member's beauty salon. I would read her magazines and admire the gorgeous hairstyles in them. To this day, nice hair is my favorite aspect of CD'ing. Alas, the bane of my existence: I'm mostly bald. :brolleyes: I'm looking forward to getting my first wig. I've always had a femme side fairly close the surface. I remain happily heterosexual, but no longer feel the need to suppress what comes naturally.

[Diedre]

My mother did sewing and alterations for added income. Around age 12 she started using me as the dress form for skirts and dresses in my size range.

I really started getting into it which didn't go unnoticed and was eventually replaced by a dress form she got at a thrift shop. But by then the seed had been planted and I kept secretly dressing.

[EllenJo]

Reine said: "This is interesting. Dressing like a girl gave you permission to experience feelings that you did not think was OK for men to feel. Maybe this is what is different about some men who end up CDing .. they have a rather rigid, unforgiving view of what men must feel, so they construct a different persona in order to feel the full breadth of human emotion? I think it's OK for men to not feel macho. "

Once again your insight express how I feel about being dressed. I was raised on a farm and worked outside with my father from a very early age. He did a good job to teaching me how to be a man. However I was always jealous of my sisters that got to help Mom in the house and wear such pretty things. As an adult I found that "being Macho" had its rewards but can be very tiring. When I am dressed I give myself permission to relax and not be manly. I can express emotions and feel very comfortable performing what I was taught to be very feminine roles. It gives me a break from my standard role in life. Over the years I have been able to incorporate these new emotions into my male persona and my wife feels that this has made me a more complete person.

[Pam]

A difficult question. I have have some guesses but the best approach is to accept your self as you are
When I was younger spent too much time try to figure it out

[NavyM2F_WAM]

I'm not totally sure what it was. However, a sister dressed me up once. I wore a dress for a little while before I gave it to my first girlfriend. I think those had at least a little to do with it.

[sometimes_miss]

It's pretty much accepted in the Transgender community that no one has any concrete evidence as to why this phenomenon happens.
Actually, we have plenty of evidence. The problem lies in those who want to find the ONE and ONLY cause of transgender feelings. But if you discard that limitation, it's pretty easy to figure out a lot of us if you examine each of our lives extensively enough. There are those who are clearly either genetically or chemically affected before birth, others who may or may not have genetic influences which 'turn on' the gender switch at various points in life, some who have no such predisposition but were influenced during specific stages of development, and of course, any combination of the above. Or perhaps something else entirely, such as a virus or even physical trauma which can cause changes in our brains. Because if you look for a single cause, you're not likely to find it. Perhaps there is a part of our brain which determines gender feelings/behavior/self identification, just as there are parts which focus on hearing, sight, or speech; but until there are more advanced ways of examining our minds, we aren't going to find it. Remember, every thought, every feeling we have is generated by chemical/electrical changes occurring in milliseconds. And we can't measure each thought yet. Eventually, but not yet. Besides, that is the end result of what CAUSED those things to happen. In the meantime, for those who still think there's one and only one cause, happy hunting. I don't think we'll get an answer in our lifetime.

[Stephanie47]

It's just speculation. I was the second child born. My mother seemed to always want the perfect family: a son and a daughter. I have an older brother by fourteen months. I was "suppose" to be a girl. Well, my dad's sperm thought otherwise. I heard her comment too many times. One day I cried about it and she consoled me that she loved me. My genetics were totally different than my brother. I took after my father's genes. I was rough and tumble. I was all boy. I'm beginning to think I was still subconsciously plagued by my mother's disavowed desire that I was suppose to be the daughter of the family. I ended up dabbling in her lingerie draw and trying on her dresses. Why" I really don't know.

Recently my mother passed away. Since then I have had no desire to "dress up." I wonder if my cross dressing became a way to seek some acceptance on her terms. Now that she has passed away I'm wondering if I have been set free. Next week I plan to fully dress. I'm wondering how I will feel.

[Taylor Ray]

I once started a thread entitle "The Golden Key", which was meant to be a satiric romp on such "why questions".

Understandably, the thread was deleted by the mods (as satire is meant for the bar room).

But I will say that the art of "satire" was once considered a "high art" by the European literary community, which meant that it revealed truth in "non-traditional" ways.

I forget the specifics of the thread, but several of us fine gals here in the forum had begun to reduce the "why" equation to a few key items, which included but certainly was not limited to:

1) Smurfs
2) Guitars
3) Twinkies (the pastry)
4) Some type of special Rum
5) A haphazardly discarded "maid's outfit"

The equation was nearly finished, you see, but the final "ingredient" had been written on a bar napkin that mysteriously "disappeared" when the United States defeated the Russians in hockey during the 1980 Winter Olympics.

[tat2s and panties]

II have never really thought about it , and never really cared about what " caused " Me to love all things femme ! I just go with it and enjoy it !

[Dora]

I went through several phases before I embraced crossdressing more, when I was younger I didn't understand why I was trying on womens clothes and also I used to feel guilty that I was doing something wrong when I was younger because of being raised around a very strict religion, then a few years ago I started to go to a gay/straight bar for the first time and going to a gay/straight bar is what helped me break free mentally from the strict religion I was raised in.
Also about a few years ago I all of a sudden dawned on me in one day that what I need to do is accept my feminine side, as soon as I did that I happened to find crossdressers.com, also that very same day one of my co workers came up to me and she told me my personality reminds her of Dora the fish because I keep forgetting things and thats how I came up with my female name.
My future goals is to eventually do a male to female transformation when I visit Denver, I really want to get some updated pictures on here, also I can say that by embracing crossdressing its one of the very most best things I have done and now I understand myself alot more:)

[Maria Blackwood]

Not sure this is a cause, so to speak. Like many men, I always liked women in lingerie, and one day the odd idea hit me about what it would feel like to wear it myself. I had a Fredrick's catalog (this is a year before the WWW erupted into the world) and ordered a gown and a chemise that the size charts indicated would fit me. They arrived, I put on the gown, and a few minutes later after my jangled neurons settled down, I realized I had something new to explore.

Not exactly a Marvel/DC comics origin story, but there you have it.


The equation was nearly finished, you see, but the final "ingredient" had been written on a bar napkin that mysteriously "disappeared" when the United States defeated the Russians in hockey during the 1980 Winter Olympics.

It was Chemical X.

[Velocity]

Sheer curiosity about how it would feel got me to try it out. Putting it on got me hooked.

[playful tam]

it was my step mom also. she got stuck raising me at the age of three, hated me it seems and decided to use me for her pleasure. she never tried making me a girl but her constant sexual influence made me crazy for anything feminine at a very early age. and it led me to experiment.

now that i'm a senior. dressing takes on more emphasis regarding the powerful feminine feelings that i enjoy and how i move - i even seem to eat more lady like (less food) when i'm in that mentality.

i turned 66 today and one of my fervent wishes is that i could just go to the store in female clothes and not be judged. would i shop differently - i suspect i would become much more a woman than i ever could as i hide everything.

my step mom wore an open bottom girdle and she had me go under her dress and unhook the stocking garters attached to the inner side of the girdle. i was about 7-8 and ruth wore no panties that day. i remember being totally confused and exquisitely excited. she soon educated me about her body and how she wanted pleasure, but that first sighting rewired my brain.

[immike]

I have no idea why I am a part-time Crossdresser. I have often suspected my Mother and older sisters had something to do with it but who knows. I am very skeptical that it is genetic but I have not been able to rule it out. Seems like more of a learned behavior that would not exist in a world without nylons, skirts and heels among other distinctly feminine fashions.

There was a time when I pondered this question intensely:thinking:,......... wondered if it could be cured:thinking: ............Now I just shop and be Happy!!:dance

Did you see the new diamond back stockings at Secrets in Lace??????

I began by trying on Mothers dresses,then got bold and took a fresh pkg of pantyhose out of mothers drawer&put them on
and stepped into a pair of Mothers high heels&enjoyed walking around the house for hours,dressed in her clothes.Next,I began trying on all of her skirts&silky blouses&her blazers

[Ressie]

Playful tam, wow. Sounds like child abuse. Probably woudn't be appropriate to continue this story, but let the mods decide!

[amyjacks2014]

^.^

I come from an abusive childhood. My means of dealing with the abuse was to force those feelings of anger and hatred deep underground, so to speak. When this finally failed, I developed a dissociative identity disorder, that lasted until 2011, when I forgave my mother (14 years after she died). In 2011, I was able to heal the identity disorder by unifying the personality. The female side won the portion that controls presenting identity and so on, so I now feel like a woman trapped in a man's body. With that done, I could finally REALLY get into exploring and dressing in women's clothing.


Amy M. Jackson

[Lacey New]

The old nature or nurture question. How do I know? I do know this. I grew up in the age of the miniskirt and a dropped pencil was often rewarded with the sight of som nylon and lace and the mystery of what was under there. Between my mother and a sister a year younger there were plenty of silky nylon things and curiosity took over. It did not take long for the thrill to end in reward. Somewhere between the thrill, the risk and the ultimate reward, it just never stopped and while it is not so much about the teenage reward anymore, it is still an ongoing pleasant experience. It took me a long time to come to grips with the fact that yes, I am a crossdresser and not just a guy with a panty fetish but I guess like Pavlov's dog, I've just had my bell rung one too many times.

[GenieGirl]

I was born this way I think. Been doing it since I was around 5. Just naturally preferred girls things.

[WhisperTV]

I was sexually assaulted by a band of pink unicorns in the ladies room of a perfume factory. I've been prancing around in dresses and smelling like a field of wildflowers every since.

[nvlady]

I became a crossdresser because I couldn't change my genes.

[sexycindy]

I just sort of tended to like both manly and girly things, fitted into all social groups. Enjoyed dressing when I tried it on and off, then when I disclosed this to my partner she helped me discover it further and here I am

[Ilsa]

Two sisters, a doughty mother and a father who was dressed by his mother!

Always Ilsa:)

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Just like what most others said... I was born this way. I just needed to accept it. :)

[Vanessa5]

Not to read into it but I believe that I had some help from outside sources. Missing father figure-mother wanted then preferred my sister accompanied by being molested by an uncle.

[shawnsheila]

I remember being about 6 when my mom found me walking in her heels and makeup smeared all over my face. Then at 14 I remember being up late at night and praying to God that he would turn me in to a girl, all the while dressing in my moms clothes while she was out. After that I suppressed it until about 19, when I dressed as a hooker for halloween. It was electrifying. Years later and embracing who I am, I would say I was born this way... My Family doc and my psychologist concur

[Desirae]

Although I can't prove it, I think what "caused" me to become a CD was that my father's lawyer friend told my mother when I was a baby what a "beautiful little girl" I was.

[Angie G]

My Dad dressed but I never knew that when I started puting on what ever I could find to dress up in.And my Mother alway baby me.:hugs:
Angie

[bill1962]

My Dad dressed but I never knew that when I started puting on what ever I could find to dress up in.

Yes, my father dressed as well. I'm not 100% sure but I think that had something to do with my parents divorce. My mother has hinted to such but never come out and said it. I've always thought that I 'secretly' knew about my fathers' needs but repressed them until I was a teenager. Then I started acting out towards my mother by dressing. But of course, this is all conjecture at this point.

[lynnef]

Originally curiosity, later I just felt so much more comfortable in girl stuff.

(I've never really felt "privileged" in any way based on my assigned physical gender, in fact it's lately been more of a handicap/annoyance than anything... :| )

[AndreaSC]

Being the youngest of three boys, I guess my mom wanted a girl, so she would dress me until I was four. Then when I turned 7, I started dressing on my own and when I was at my next door neighbors, we would play dress up and I would dress as a girl. During my teen years when I would house sit, I would wear the owners clothes. I have been out a few times, but then I was younger and no kids, now I have kids and have a hard time getting to dress. But I do LOVE IT!!!

[Saepe]

I haven't cut my hair since my mom passed away three years ago (I was 18), and my CDing has steadily increased in the mean time. I've thought often that there's probably a correlation, though I'd hesitate to say causation. It's interesting food for thought, though.

[Mishell]

This one is easy for me. Mom . She wore pantyhose 24/7 and always dressed pretty. She was a single mom and I was an only child. I remember giving her foot rubs and liked how her pantyhose felt so I tried them on and I was hooked. Growing up in the 60's and 70s, pantyhose and short skirts were the thing. All of moms girl friends wore pantyhose and I loved the look of legs in them. I started wanting to dress like them. Mom taught modeling at a college so I was always surrounded by pretty girls.
I wasn't wired to dress. It was something that I tried and enjoyed. :)

[missVS]

Interesting respones to this question. For me I did my first cross dressing while I lived in Germany at the age of 27. It was due to the stocking heel lingerie fetish I have and so I figured heck let me try some of the stuff on and it was exciting. Years later it has evolved into full crossdressing and trying to be more and more feminine each time I do it.

[Amanda L.]

I remember playing with my toy cars on the floor when i was 7 or 8. i saw a pair of mums nylons on the floor and a pair of her shoes. Dont know what possessed me to do it but it put them on. I took them off real quick. The next episode came when I was about 13. I was in bed reading a car magazine and saw an add for motor oil with this gorgeous blonde model in white overalls. She took my breathe away and I got the notion to dress up as a girl the next day using my sisters clothes and cosmetics. I was on school holidays so was on my own during the days. Next morning got up as soon as the house was empty and dressed in girl clothes and makeup. I cant recall if there was any sexual excitement just sat in the living room. after awhile I took everything off and showered as I felt "dirty". Never had any more desires until about mid 30's. All my life though I cannot say the word 'stockings' in conversation though I love wearing them and the way they feel. I must have suppressed the desire to dress as I couldn't even touch my wife's under garments.
Then in 2012 I was home alone, working outside, when I got a sudden urge to go inside and check out my wife's wardrobe. She was away for the weekend and so I spent the rest of the day and evening dressing up in her clothes. That was it there was no going back. Over the past 2 years I have amassed my own collection of dresses, skirts, lingerie and makeup (all without her knowledge). We now live apart, due to work reasons and so I now fully dress every Friday and Saturday night. I get a great sense of pleasure from it but am fearful of where this is going. I would like to come out to my wife but she would not take it well. I also fear losing respect of my sons and work mates. I don't want to become a woman full time, I am happy with my male life, but this crossdressing thing gives me a hell of a rush.
All the best with your individual journeys
Amanda

[joanna4]

When I was younger I became obsessed with shiny clothes. As I grew these clothes were mainly seen worn by girls and they look good plus it was more acceptable as I see them in person and on TV. So I began wearing whatever shiny clothes such as leather and faux leather that my parents sold in the fashion store. When I became a young adult and learnt to drive. I drove to thrift stores and discount stores to buy lingerie and used leather clothes. Then I started to complete the look with wig and makeup and now my closet has a variety of sexy clothes to which I can make into different outfits.

[Michelle V]

Genes. Possibly growing up without a male figure in my life, Dad was an a_hole and we clashed any time we where together

[Robbin_Sinclair]

A great thread. You set yourself up a bit by asking "become" a crossdresser.

This part of the query resonated with me. "Society tells us that males are privileged with unearned social, economic, and political advantages which are granted to them solely on the basis of their gender."

I "became" a crossdresser because I hated myself as a male. I learned by my then drug induced mind that I could feel whichever gender I wished to be. I wanted to feel entirely what it was like to become a girl. I picked "Robbin" because it was close to my male name but now it would be something more feminine, like Stephanie.

I like not being in control. Being with the wind. Being unconventional, wearing what I want in a hot climate, not what what men are supposed to wear. This site helped me along quite a bit. Had I gone straight to the porn sites or, I'm convinced, any other site, it wouldn't be the same.

But now porn and feeling like a woman has made me more accepting of the hard private parts that I have...and other boys have. When i dress up these days, it is for the feel. I don't worry as much because it is usually a kilt, woman's silky top and ballet slippers. I don't go out, like my first episode in downtown Chicago 18 months ago.

I am easily bi now. Both work for me. Still, if I'm ever allowed out alone again, I will have time to be very dressed, would love to have it happen in a place that is accepting of people like me and try to link up with whoever will accept me. I'm comfortable with anyone in the world, as long as he/she is not mean.

That's my story. xxrobbin, wishing I could be Stephanie, or Celeste, or Ambrosia...or, or, or. xx:hugs:

[Pacefurther]

It is pads... Thery are so comfortable under the hips... And pad leads to all of the other stuff. I made a quite decent expanation in my intro.

Here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?215529-Hello-Another-anonymous-newbie

[irene9999]

No one event ever caused me to start crossdressing, but there were a few things that nudged me into that direction. I was always attracted to girl clothes, even as a child. As I grew up, I was very skinny and about the size of a girl, so was always curious about wearing their clothes (I guess I had pink fog back then!). I started trying on stuff belonging to my mom and sister and I liked it, so I just kept doing it

[CarlaWestin]

In my youth, influenced by my older brothers and their Playboy magazines, I became enamoured and obsessed with females. Especially their breasts. the bigger, the better. Along with showing a particular curiosity with my mother's bra drawer, I just decided it was easier to become my own dream girl. Fifty yeaars later, that just still holds true. The best relationship I have ever had with the opposite sex, has been with myself.

[bentervine]

I've been attracted to cross-dressing since childhood, have no idea why. For a while I thought it might be due to early issues with dating...but that can't totally true. I think it may be genetic on some level. Part nature, part nurture.

[sayhi2dd]

Like many have replied, it's hard to say. There were many things that happened to me when I was young but can't point to anything specific as the definitive reason. I guess it's inherent in all of us but needs to be cultivated. The cultivation an take many forms.

[Frédérique]

What Caused You to Become a Crossdresser?

Is this your first time on Earth, Confucius? :heehee:

Sorry – a girl in art school used to ask everyone that pointed (and profound) question… :o

[Betty-Lou]

There was no standout moment or particular event that caused this. I just one day happened into my sister's closet, saw her panties and dresses, started feeling knots in my stomach, put on her clothes and ... the rest is history.

[Robyn2006]

I was raised in a family of women, with two older sisters, a mother, and a rather absentee father. In particular, my eldest sister by eight years became my role model from early on. She was and is drop dead gorgeous, and I was always enthralled watching her get all dolled up, how she was able to transform herself into such a glamorous woman. From as early as I can remember, I wanted to be just like her. Who wouldn't????

[nikinylons]

Hi everyone, I'm a MTF CD, happily married and have been dressing for many years now while exploring and developing my female side. Like many of you, my dressing started when I was 11 yro when I found my mom's L'eggs Sheer Energy pantyhose hanging in the laundry room. Growing up, mom would dress in front of me and wore them everyday, so it wasn't really a big deal until puberty hit, and I slipped them on and they became a part of my life. Growing up in a great family in the 70's and 80's, I was around classy, well dressed women. From my mom to my teachers, I was influenced and infatuated with the way they dressed and carried themselves as a lady should.

After that fateful day when I first slipped the pantyhose over my body, it became a daily thing. In school, I would sit on the front row to get a good view of the teacher's legs and a bonus upskirt shot every now and then. I was obsessed, in a good way though. One day after school, I went to mom's drawer to put some pantyhose on and decided to try a slip. OMG it felt incredible! Mom was smaller than I was so none of her dresses fit, but she had a leotard that felt so good hugging my body. I'd stand in front of the mirror in awe at the shine on my legs. All of the girls I ever dated wore them too and I was very open about my affection for them- that taught me the power of compliments. Women work a lot harder at looking good than we do, so they always appreciated it.

It wasn't until I was in college when I asked my girlfriend if I could wear them during sex too. She said yes, and it was phenomenal! Overcoming that hurdle was huge for me. Years later when I married, I started putting on my wife's lingerie and dresses with my pantyhose when she was gone. It felt so good but I was very insecure about it. Our sex life accelerated and one night I asked her if I could wear lingerie too, she said yes and WOW! She tolerated it but never seemed to appreciate it like I did. We eventually grew apart, split up, and when I met my current wife I made myself the promise that I would confess my CDing early on and see what happens. I had a lot to lose if she ratted me out, but fortunately she embraced it instead. We were on our second date out with some friends, had lots to drink. Needless to say, we were sexually charged and I brought it up. I emphasized that how much it was a part of me and that I wanted her to help me on my journey, because at that time it was still just pantyhose, lingerie, and dresses only. She sat back for a minute and said, "Well, first, I love pantyhose too and wear them everyday. Second, if CDing is a part of you then I'll have to learn to love that side too, but first we'll have to shave your legs." Shocked and relieved at the same time to find a woman who adores pantyhose in the early 2000's as much as I do was like finding a diamond in the rough. I knew right then and there that she was going to be my wife.

The past 10 years have just been incredible. She, along with our daughters, have taught me how to do my make up properly, hair, nails, and how to be truly feminine. They love and support me whether I am in boy or girl mode. I love spending time front of the mirror putting on make up and trying new looks. I absolutely love the transformation process. Being feminine is easy for me because I have always thought like a female is trapped inside of my male body. She has said over and over that knowing about my CDing up front and that I didn't change as a person when I dressed was easier to adapt. She helped me shop for clothes, wig, and my first pair of high heels. The heels and wig were shipped together and when I put them both on for the first time, I was in love with what I saw and so was she. My ultimate goal was to be passable and together, over time, it finally happened. We have been out twice. First in San Francisco and then in a town close to where we live on Halloween. Both times I was hit on and complimented numerous times, which really boosted Niki's confidence. It was exhilarating and scary all at the same time, but twice was enough for me. Since I work from home, I just dress here now and am perfectly happy.

We have two adopted daughters, now in their early 20's and when they were 16 I showed them and my wife and I told them at the same time. Fortunately they were pleasantly surprised and embraced it as well. They both said, that everything made sense now and you make a beautiful lady. They love doing my make up and buying me things. Life is truly wonderful and as I sit here in a dress, full make up (that my youngest daughter did for me today), bra, breast forms, pantyhose, and heels, I'm thankful and blessed to have made it this far and to have wonderful accepting people around me. Niki went through the ****ty, selfish stage and is now all grown up into a beautiful, mature lady who has made me a complete person. Who knew that an article of clothing like pantyhose would unlock a whole new world that was waiting inside me? Thank you pantyhose! I am who I am, a straight male who has natural fem tendencies and a family of females who love me regardless what I want to wear :)

[Laura J]

Dunno

I could blame it on the fact that I have never had a dad. I guess i have always just though women were better than men...

[nikinylons]

I can totally relate Ellen.


Reine said: "This is interesting. Dressing like a girl gave you permission to experience feelings that you did not think was OK for men to feel. Maybe this is what is different about some men who end up CDing .. they have a rather rigid, unforgiving view of what men must feel, so they construct a different persona in order to feel the full breadth of human emotion? I think it's OK for men to not feel macho. "

Once again your insight express how I feel about being dressed. I was raised on a farm and worked outside with my father from a very early age. He did a good job to teaching me how to be a man. However I was always jealous of my sisters that got to help Mom in the house and wear such pretty things. As an adult I found that "being Macho" had its rewards but can be very tiring. When I am dressed I give myself permission to relax and not be manly. I can express emotions and feel very comfortable performing what I was taught to be very feminine roles. It gives me a break from my standard role in life. Over the years I have been able to incorporate these new emotions into my male persona and my wife feels that this has made me a more complete person.

[Lacelover]

It must have been in my girl jeans, Oops, I mean genes.

Lacelover

[Alice_2014_B]

I guess for me it was high heels. I vaguely remember my Grand-Mother and Mother looking into tap-shoes for (cannot recall my age at the time). For some reason they had a pair of girl's tap-shoes too. I do not remember if I tried them on or they just used them to find me a size or something. But that is the earliest I remember of that.
The knots in the stomach, as I have read in at least one of the posts here; I recall those very much.

[Simone_40]

DNA? :confused:

[Leanna Jean]

I started the awareness of how pretty females were and the clothes they wore at around 3 years of age. I found my grandmothers' long dresses so colorful and fun to wear. I would then put flowers in hair and I felt so pretty. Then there was my mother she was such a beautiful woman who would tease me as she dressed. She would put lipstick on my lips. She then dressed me as a little girl when she made dresses for my cousins, my first and only modeling job to date! She painted my nails, made up my face, put perfume and even clip earrings. So with that as I got older I would try on my mother's clothes, shoes, jewelry and makeup. I remember an episode of Gilligan's Island where Gilligan was dressed as a convincing girl I loved it. I also remember the episodes of General Hospital that had a crossdresser as an everyday character. i then had a series of girlfriends who convinced me to dress, yeah I tried to resist. But starting in the 90's things became different and dressing wasn't so out of place and my urges got stronger which takes me to today!

[Zoe B]

I don't know if there is a single event moment, I have always have jobs that seemed to be labelled 'female' careers (like nursing), not that I ever saw them that way. I always found shopping to be more fun in the female section - new styles for each season and so on, unlike the men's section of no change clothes.

Unless it was the decades I grew up in 70's/80's, but in honesty nothing has made me crossdress I just enjoy it.

[kimberlybates]

I believe it was the curiosity over the long blue silk nightgown that I found sitting in the laundry basket when I was home alone. It belonged to my Aunt. Once I had tried it on I was hooked. I loved the feel against my skin. After that experience I began to dress in women's lingerie every chance I found.

[MelanieAnne]

My mother never missed an opportunity to let us know she wanted girls. :devil:

[Chiana]

In my case, there was no defining moment. No outside influence. No weak father. No dominating mother. My Mother didn't want me to be a girl. No older sister or neighborhood girls who forced me to dress up. Etc. From my earliest age, I was interested in feminine things. In the words of Lady Gaga. "I was born this way." I never have looked for a reason to justify my crossdressing. It is just me.

[sylviatv]

i cant explaine. it just happend and feels good. Mabye it is our dna

[LANKO]

I can't really pinpoint one single moment. The thoughts that do come to my head.. I don't know if they actually swayed me, might be just memories and braintricks.

1. When I was young, I remember seeing my Mom's Victoria Secret's catalog.. this was right before puberty.. and maybe the first time I got to really see "underneath the clothes" clothes for women. Bras, panties, nighties.. they were so different from what I wore. They were also expensive as hell. My wifebeater shirts and undies came in packs of 3-6 for a fraction.. this stuff must be gold! When you are little and have no income (or any sense of money in general), you put certain things on pedestals without realizing it.

2. From puberty I went through the "usual" male phase, trying to get ahold of any porn I could. Acquiring porn throughout high school was very exciting compared to now.. I guess it's because it's like alcohol and cigarettes.. getting away with it is more exciting and thrilling when it's not legal for you.

I remember finding a nearby corner store that had a rack of mags and VHS tapes.. I would go in and be scared out of my life to look at what they had. Picking up something and waiting to pay for it at the counter seemed to take FOREVER. Right now when I'm buying heels and makeup.. I get a very similar rush as somewhere in my brain I'm thinking "this isn't for your personal use"---someone's going to call me out on it. But that store never care I wasn't 18 yet.. and what a rush when I came out with my purchase.

3. I've had several girlfriends in my youth.. but my first one in college really, really knew how to dress. She was Japanese (though born here), and really was into fashion---heels, makeup, matching bra/panties, brand name bags. Amidst all the sweatpants and hoodies, she really stood out and I appreciated her efforts when we went out. She was also the first girl that in our sex life, would keep some of her clothes on (eg heels on, jeans down to the ankles, bra still on). My previous 2 girlfriends would always strip all the way for the act, so this was new and I loved it.

Those are the 3 off the top of my head. I don't know. Maybe they have nothing to do with what I'm doing right now with my feminine dressing. Maybe they do. Maybe it's something that I can't even remember. If I had to put money on it though, probably something to do with the above.

[Kristina_nolagirl]

God. And so glad he (or she) did!

[biannne]

I don't think I can put finger on one event or reason. But as baby, my grandmom used to dress me as girl .... never knew why and I never asked even when I grew up. I have high pitched voice and kids called me girly.
Even as kids, I loved older women and their clothes and when I was 11 or 12 I was pair of my moms old panties.
But it wasn't till I was 30 that I started dressing up.
I am not sure what reason, I have always felt like I was trapped inside man's body.


Ana

[Tinkerbell-GG]

This is a fascinating thread. I don't actually see that many 'I was born this way' or 'it's genetic' answers, even if this is the accepted theory here. What I do see are men who felt curious about girl things and stepped over a boundary most other men don't. That's it. Nothing extraordinary or even that unusual. Your stars aligned on that day, for whatever reason, and the rest is history.

Yep, fascinating. :)

[Jenniferathome]

....stepped over a boundary most other men don't. That's it. Nothing extraordinary or even that unusual. ...

But WHY did we step over the line?

Psst, its genetics ;-)

but sadly, science will never prove me right.

[Ugly Michele]

My sisters dressed me as their sister, would take me shopping with them among other things.

[Wildaboutheels]

It's well established FACT that men are easily turned on by looking at FEmales or female body parts. Which in many cases leads to the promised land where all kinds of CHEMICALS are released by the brain. This is all completely autonomous. Men putting on/wearing SPECIFIC clothing items [that females usually wear to look their "best"] enable this.

It's simply E V O L U T I O N at work and endless obfuscation or denial is not gong to change it for 99% of the CDers on the planet.

And no one but the most most extremely UNsharp person would claim to know just how many men actually Crossdress.

Refusing to accept that any amount of CDing that our brains associate with Os will quickly become addictive is a sure fire recipe for never being able to shed the shame and guilt.

[Nadya]

I don't know if there really is specific event that caused my desire to like to dress like a woman. I've always had good friends that were female. My guy friends were never the macho type because that's not really who I was and that tended annoy me. I always did things that were not typical little boy things with my mother (e.g. needle point, english horseback riding, collecting my little ponies, etc.) but I don't know if it was a product of my own interests or my environment. Tough to say for sure.

[Joyce S.]

You have all probably heard the phrase "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"? To me, this is it. I admire and respect women and while I do not wish to be one I do like to dress like them. Heels, I love heels, oh and fluffy dresses....


JS
"God put us here to learn how to love one another"

[Skylarlynn40]

I really don't know why I started crossdressing. I know that I was drawn to the pretty clothes and how they felt against my skin. I specifically remember a couple situations where I initially dabbled in dressing. One time I saw my mother's bra laying on the ground and looked around to make sure no one was looking before I held it up to my chest. Another major moment for me was when my mother had bought my sister a pink one piece swimming suit. I saw it hanging in the bathroom one day and had to try it on. I have been dressing off and on ever since.

[Kylee-Blackstad]

To be honest, unlike my partner, I never had any inclinations to cross-dress earlier in my life at all.. I think the first time I sort of did and felt rather comfy when I threw on the top of my friends nurse costume over my shirt as a joke. I strangely liked wearing it. That was I think when I was 16. When I started college in my early twenties, having watched my friend cross-dress for a sociology project, he asked me how I'd feel about doing what he did. It never phased me that I couldn't do it, or wouldn't do it. I suppose me being a pretty boy with a taste for some fashion and not really caring if I was hyper masculine or not factored into it now that I think about it.

When I accepted my bisexuality a number of a years ago, it really opened up a lot of doors to me and in a way gave me license to do things I never would have fathomed being a straight dude. I now had experiences and relationships they wouldn't have had at all. Then two months back that sort of comfy feeling of wearing that nurse costume sort of came back looking at my partner's clothes. So then I did an "earth princess" sort of "drag" outfit for a party. It was way too much fun sashaying and feeling hot. My partner notices that more feminine leanings come out of me that don't normally show, and it's rather automatic and unconscious to me.

So in looking at things, there maybe some sort of genetic disposition, but it was really my cultural experiences and new sexual identity that lead me to fully come into being as a cross dresser. There's also a somewhat good chunk of it that's political to me, which is kind of way I don't really care if I happen to pass or not. Guess you could say that's why I chose a rather androgynous avatar. I actually feel more validation when a guy checks me out and then realizes I'm not a girl and sort of looks surprised. Every time that happens I think in my head:

"Hope you enjoyed my cute little butt!"

[typhoidmary]

I think for me it was just something innate. I was influenced by people like Brian Molko and Davey Havok in my teens and got into makeup... slowly got to the point where I am now, it's just kind of built and built and I don't know if it will stop. by this point I'm not even very comfortable being referred to as a man even though technically people are right to do so.

[Jenny Gurl]

But WHY did we step over the line?

Psst, its genetics ;-)

but sadly, science will never prove me right.

Exactly. I believe several replying to the post were thinking back to the first time they acted on their desire to dress feminine , not actually stating why they felt the need to dress in the first place. Many break the question down to "Nature" vs "Nurture". In other words did mother nature make you that way, or did something in your nurturing cause you do become a crossdresser. For the record, I was born this way with no influence whatsoever that would cause me to be a crossdresser. I was raised in an very conservative christian home where I would have every reason to not want to be a crossdresser. No one in the family would accept it, our religion forbid it, and if I were to have outed myself as a child for being a CD, it would have been shunned by my family, probably beat daily at school, and been driven to suicide in a short time. I was not dressed by anyone or in any way encouraged to be feminine. Many will quote the first time they remember either dressing, putting on makeup, etc. but the truth is, if any of these events happened to a person who was not born a CD, they would have reacted completely different and not have become a CD in the future. Kind of like a diabetic having too much sugar the fist time and saying that amount of sugar caused their diabetes. It may have caused that particular person to become diabetic, but only because of a predisposition to be effected by it.

I was born with feminine traits, and that is all there is to it. I did learn at an early age that as I sometimes would reveal a bit of feminine traits I was quickly ridiculed and I quickly learned that although this was my true inner person, I would have to hide it or face negative retribution by all I knew.

Summary: Genetics, born this way, hopefully science will verify this and be able to identify TG genes in the future so the TG person can best deal with it knowing who they are. It would also force the larger population of people who either don't understand it, or have some other religious or moral reason to ridicule and hate a person for simply being born with traits they have no control over.

[ReineD]

I did learn at an early age that as I sometimes would reveal a bit of feminine traits I was quickly ridiculed and I quickly learned that although this was my true inner person, I would have to hide it or face negative retribution by all I knew.

What feminine traits did you feel? I know you had to hide them, so they weren't physical traits. Was it that you cried easily as a boy and you had to learn to toughen up? My younger brother was that way. Or were they desires, like wanting to play with girl toys, wanting to wear what girls wore, in short wanting to be a girl?