Which Parent to Blame?

[Ms. Laura]

Hello Everybody,

I was thinking about a book that I read called Men and Sex or something like that. It had a chapter on crossdressing and the author, a psychologist, collected fantasies and writings by men on the subject (as well as others). She claimed that nearly every CD comes from a family with a very dominant father and drew a link to that. I was thinking, well yeah, I have one of those but my mother used to be very fashion oriented. She would always drag me shopping and was into designer styles for her and me. At age 3 my first suit was by Botany 500. I think somehow I picked up on this from her and her mother. Being an only child, I don't know, maybe I dveloped an interest in women's clothes? I always liked everything my mother liked from music to art, etc.

I was just wondering what your thoughts were. Also, I don't really blame my parents, they were decent parents, if divorced and neurotic like so many others.

[jenna19]

In my family it was just the other way around. My mother was the dominant one. My father was always very needy and lacked self esteem. My mother was the one who propped him up and ran the family. I used to be very shy and would spend many hours with her and her friends. I don't know if that had anything to do with my crossdressing or not, but I've always thought that it did play a big part.

[Helen MC]

Perthaps the answer is not that the boy who crossdresses has a "dominant" or "domineering" father but that he and his father were never close to each other.

This was the situation in my case. In the 1950s and 60s when I grew up, having been born in 1953, the man was still considered to be the "Head of the Family" and the Breadwinner. Not that my Mother was a shrinking violet , she ruled the roost in domestic matters. However my father was the leader of the family . As was also typical of men of his time, he was your archetypal macho man. He wasn't cruel or nasty but uncompromisingly masculine, into Sports and other man type things. Even as a young kid of Primary School (Grade School) age I simply wasn't interested in such matters, nor am I now. Throw or kick a ball to me and I will simply get out of its way not kick it back, hit it with a bat or anything, I have never liked male Team Games of any kind, whether to watch or take part, I wasn't into fishing, I didn't want to tinker about with the car, get involved with DIY etc. Instead I was even then, long before I first tried on a pair of my Sister's knickers, happier reading a book, making a model, helping my Mother and my Sister Anne cooking and doing things around the house. My father soon realised that it was no use trying to take me to the football- soccer- and I actually feel asleep at one match and he left me to just get one with life. As I have said in other posts whilst I respect him my father and I have never been affectionate to each other whereas I loved my Mother and love my Sister in the fillial and platonic sense of the word "love" of course!

So it may be that the boy who becomes a CD or TV has rejected the Male Role Model in his life, if he ever had one, and instead has focused on the Female Model, be that his Mother, Sister(s), Aunt, a female Neighbour or woman School Teacher.

Just a theory, I am not a psychiatrist and I don't have a lot of time for that sort of thing anyway.

[MsMichelle]

Personally, I don't subscribe to the parent theory at all. To use any of the dominant parent theory would rule out the possibility of th "Third Gender" and that is one that makes far more sense.

[Ms. Donna]

Both of my parents are good, loving & reasonable people and I never felt that I'm TG because of them. However, I used to ponder 'why' questions all the time: Why am like this? Why can't I be 'normal'? And finally, Why didn't my parents do something to help me?

When I finally put aside the 'Why am like this?' and 'Why can't I be normal?' questions, I was left with being really angry at my parents. How the hell could they have not realized what was going on with me? Why didn't they do something to help me?

When I finally confronted them on this - basically comming out and saying that I have issues with my gender - their response was "We've known that all along." When I asked why they didn't do something about it, their response was "What would you have wanted us to do?" I had no answer. (What should they have done? I don't know.) My mother then told me "We just figured that you'd work it out eventually on your own."

Which of my parents is to blame: neither. I can't think of anything better they could have done.

There is no denying that we are influenced by our parents, friends, and a host of other factors. However, IMHO, none of these things makes us the way we are. They might help us to realize it, but they're not the casue.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Laura

I don't think the parent theory holds up to scrutiny, as there are so many variables.

It most likely a combination of factors.

For instance there have been inter-sex children which suggest there is a sliding scale with men at one end and women at the other.
The same could be said for sexuality with straight and gay.

where we fall on both of these scales may determine why we are here.

Also there is a theory that an event during puberty may trigger cross-dressing.

These are just a few ideas.

[jeniinnylons]

This is wrong for me.

My mom was the dominate parent not my dad.

[LisaRaye]

I have to say that it is not true its just and opinon what the arthur is saying. My parent were seperated before I was born it was just my moms, but we live with her moms and it was alot of us in one house. It was my moms and her kids me and two other brothers and her sister with her three girls plus my grandmother. So I would have to say I picked up crossdressing from the girls in the house concidering it was so many.

[DanaJ]

Blame? I certainly do not blame either parent, or anyone else for who I am. I am who I am, and I'm not looking for reasons or excuses for it. For the record, neither of my parents were much into child-rearing, but I had lots and lots of friends of both genders.

I have no idea where the CD thing comes from, but it seems to have always been there my whole life (even though I waited well into my adult life to act upon it).

[Raychel]

Hello,

I don't know if I buy the parent theory either. Both of my parents were very good and supprotive of the kids in the family. My mother was the one who stayed home and took care of business there. My father had 2 jobs just to bring home enough bacon to support all of us. Overall we had a very good childhood. I can only blame my crossdressing on pubescent experimentation.

The girls of that age always thought I was good looking, but it seems as though it is my mind that is the huge turn off to them. Maybe if I was better with women then I would have been out dating and doing other things. But for me that did not happen all that often. I was shy and had a hard time meeting girls. So one night I tried on a pair of panties to see how they felt. Of course you all know what happened then. Instantly hooked of course. With alot of guilt at first, but now at 46 years old I have accepted that is who I am. Life is good for the most part.

If I could only hit the lottery. :rolleyes: than there would be no troubles at all.

[Helen MC]

I would say that I don't BLAME anyone, that is totally the wrong word to use. I am HAPPY to be a CD and even before I first wore a pair of girls' panties I had found something attractive about them and female clothing in general and was always biased towards the cultural, aesthetic and feminine side of life rather than the physical, athletic and masculine side. However I am "straight" sexually being attracted to women not men and have all the male genitalia intact and functional and have been married. I consider myself as a man with some female personality aspects and who is sexually aroused by wearing female clothes in particular panties.

My answer higher up in this thread was to make the point that some CD and TV males may not have had the stereotype bullying hard father of many accounts similar to the fat slob in the Amityville Horror who was shot in the guts at point blank range by his very bullied and humiliated son, but instead may have had a father who simply was not a male role model for them, and with whom they had little or no "bonding". We are in the "Nature Vs Nurture" argument as is often postulated in the matter of Homosexuality .

As for myself, I feel I would have been a CD anyway and have always been happier as "Helen" whether hidden beneath my externally male persona dressed in drab outdoors at work etc, or as I am as I type this, in the privacy of my apartment dressed en-femme.

[TGMarla]

Well-put, Raychel. I concur with your sentiment rather closely. There does indeed seem to be a common thread here....most had some kind of domineering parent, and none here blames the parents in any way. Interesting. Now mind you, there is a distinct difference between a "dominant" parent and a "domineering" parent. In my family it was clearly my father. He was a hard line overbearing "my way or the highway" type. He was highly educated, and raised himself in foster families while he grew up, as his own mother was far too poor to raise him properly, and his father abandoned him when he was but a very small child. He was seemingly incapable of displaying his love to his children, although we all know that he really did love us very much. But we were a family of three children, and all of us had issues with him. Our mother was, and is, very adoring to us all.

But I cannot buck this clear trend either. My father did not cause me to crossdress. Like Raychel said, it was pubescent experimentation. I tried on a pair of pantyhose for reasons that had nothing to do with crossdressing, and I was hooked from that day on. One thing led to the next, and I was wearing the "full regalia" before too long. My father actually caught me wearing a dress once, and pantyhose under my regular pants once, too. He did not react the way I would have expected him to. He was calm, and told me that as a child, he had had a tendency to pick through his own mother's jewelry drawer, that this was likely just a phase, that I would outgrow it, and that I should not do this again. I appreciated his not humiliating me in any way, and I patently ignored his advice (and still do). He never became aware that I continue to crossdress as an adult. He passed away nearly 5 years ago.

So I have always blamed myself for this little habit, not my parents. And heck, I don't even feel a need to assign blame. For the most part, I'm glad that I crossdress, even though it has caused me problems here and there. But Mom and Dad didn't have anything to do with it in my opinion.

[Jeri Rene]

My father was an abusive drunk.
Never spent anytime with me.
Never had a good word to say to me.
So while alot of the Dominant theory matches my childhood, I don't think my dressing has anything to do with him.
Granted I do have a few social issues...I'm very uncomfortable around people I don't know and am unable to talk to them more that short responss to questions. I have pretty much no self confidence or self esteem.
These have everything to do with my father but I don't see a connection between that and my dressing. To be honest I don't really care about the "why's" of it all. I dress because I like to.

[Raychel]

So I have always blamed myself for this little habit, not my parents. And heck, I don't even feel a need to assign blame. For the most part, I'm glad that I crossdress, even though it has caused me problems here and there. But Mom and Dad didn't have anything to do with it in my opinion.

:iagree: :clap:
I totally agree. No blame to place if you enjoy it. And I DO ENJOY IT. :thumbup:

[GypsyKaren]

I really don't think that my parents had anything to do with how I became who I am now. I have memories of playing with my best friend Sally and thinking I was a girl like her before I had any memories of anybody else. Both of my parents were bad, and I do have lasting issues from all of that, but I really don't think that had anything to do with me starting to wear girl's clothes or having a feminine nature.

Who knows why I turned out this way, I really don't care anymore, and I would never use the word blame in any of it. All I know is that I'm happy with the way I am, happy as a clam, happy as is, you know. If any one thing or person had anything to do with it all, well then I'd have to say I'm grateful. The trip to get here may have been pretty rough, but I do like the end results, it's a pretty cool place to be.

GypsyKaren

[suzy]

Well........I'm not so sure...........

I'm not so convinced that there isn't something involved that was caused by the behaviors of my parents..? I just don't know...........................

My father was very strict. He was a very hard worker, came home tired and hungrry. Any lip from the "kids" resulting in picking yourself up off the floor after he backhanded us. Mom, loved us and sheltered us, sometimes..but we occasionally angered her. It was a difficult time during the 50's and 60's....

I was punished in various ways...one was by being hit and beat....not that I didn't deserve it...but on more than one occasion I was placed in little girls clothes...and one time that I can remember while dressed in girls attire, I was tied to a chair... Why? I can't remember what I did...but I didn't enjoy the punishment then...

Growing up wasn't pretty for me as I expect it wasn't pretty for a lot of us (everybody).............but....

Do I blame my parents? No!... I am convinced that my CD has nothing to do with my parents... Itr's ALL about ME!!

It is me!!! It is ALL about me...and how I feel... but somehow I wonder...what role, if any, was my childhood a factor to who I am now???

I don't know!

:clap: :clap: :clap:

[Sharon]

I want to begin by saying I really dislike the title of this thread. If we are to begin accepting ourselves for who we are, then there is no "blame" to be given. I am what I am, and no one is at fault.

My parents had the most equalitarian marriage you can imagine. At no time in my life was one more dominant than the other and each would, and did, acquiesce to the other on countless occasions.

You can blame the genetic pool which was handed down to me through my parents. I don't know. You can blame God Himself for mismatching my brain to my body. I, again, don't know.

Nor do I care.

[Sarahgurl371]

My Dad was the dominant parent as well. He is a very strong and independent person who has high expectations for how we get thru life. My Mom and I were not very close in my youth, my Dad and I were. They both new about my CDing, after all this came out about 2 years ago, my Dad told me Mom found some stuff in my room and confronted him about it. He never said a word to me. He told her that I am just experimenting, leave him alone, its just a phase. Prior to that, at about 6 or 7, Mom caught me wearing a pair of her panties, I remember having to see a therapist or something because of that incident. When I recently asked about the outcome of the incident, I was told that they were told nothing was wrong with me. It had even been mostly forgotten about by both of them.

They are both very open minded people, who taught me to never disregard something based on its face value. Never judge a book by its cover, so to speak. At times I wished they had intervened, maybe it wouldn't have caused all this grief. But I also think if they had forced the isssue back then, I'd probably have others problems from that. So I don't blame them at all, I think they did the best they could with us.

[Butterfly Bill]

I had a strong-willed mother, and and older brother who educated me as much as my father. There was a dynamic balance between the three of us males together vs. my mother and my sister. (I had another brother who was autistic with speech inabilities who added another direction.)

I was the youngest of the family, and my parents about let me run wild compared to the way they reined in the others. After the antics of the autistic one, nothing shocked them any more.

[Sophia Rearen]

She claimed that nearly every CD comes from a family with a very dominant father and drew a link to that.


Myth Busted. By the responses so far, I'd have to say that was a bunch of( as my loving mother would always say) whoeee! I've tried to analyze my parent to child relationship and I can't find anything that would cause me to crossdress. I am what I am. My parents shared a relationship as I do with my wife. Maybe I started looking at my dad's playboys too early in life:D

[AprilMae]

Horse Hockey! My dad was a regular Beer drinking, cussing , blue collar guy. He woked a round the clock, overtime..whatever. While not physically affectionate, none in my family are, he was always there for a game of catch, or to take me to a ball game, or whatever, even if he had just worked a long shift. My mom was a typical 1960's housewife, she ran the house, my dad handed over the check and she managed the finances. I was a bit closer to her only because I was the firstborn and spent more time with her because of dad's hours. there is way too much psychobabble in todaays world trying to explain things. Sometimes people are just different. That's all.

[charly]

I've never met my father. I think my crossdressing has something to do with the fact that there were hardly any male figures in my life. However growing up I was surrounded by women. I lived with my mom and my sister. And there were a lot of other single moms with daughters in the neighborhood. Its strange but there wasn't many boys. I alway's wanted to be just like my sister and her friends and my mom's friends. My sister was in "Brownies" (similar to Girl Scouts) and my mom volunteered for them, so I alway's got to go to all the Brownie meetings and events :cheeky:

[Deborah]

My father was the punisher when he was there. He being in the military was gone alot so i didn't get to see him that often. When i did then i was getting my butt whipped.:rolleyes:

Do i blame him? No i don't. I think i am the way that i am for other reasons of which i don't know.

[SherriePall]

Very interesting thread. Looking back my father was dominant, yet my mother was left to do most of the parenting. She pretty much taught me how to play baseball (and no! I do not throw like a girl) and other things. Is this what caused me to become a crossdresser? Don't know. If it were a factor, then in today's society there should be fewer CD's because the parenting is supposed to be more evenly shared and both parents more involved in their children's lives.
So, ....

[jjjjohanne]

Neither of my parents were particularly "dominant." They were reasonable, well balanced people.

[Aunt Peg]

My father was dominant, but had alot of self esteem problems. Always had to be the life of the party. My mother had depression and mood swings. I was the youngest of 3 boys. My brothers were much older and constantly critisized me. My mother wished that I was a girl. Maybe too much wishing! LOL

So I grew up in a crazy family! But maybe instead of blaming, we should be thanking them if they caused us to CD. Because I feel that CD'ing is a gift. Alot of my male frieds have no clue to other's feelings or how to listen. It has also made me a better parent.

[Gwen]

Am I a freak because I like steak and chocolate. I think I was born that way but I don't know - maybe my parents taught me to like them. I LOVE to crossdress. Sometimes I even crave it. This does not make me a freak. Who decided it was wrong for me to like crossdressing? Not me... Crossdressing has been very telling in my life. I ponder what it really says about the people who judge me for it. It does not speak well of them. Crossdressing is a matter of taste. Who can criticize me for liking something. How can there be blame for my sense of taste?

[Keri]

My dad was 56 when I was born, and only concerned himself with work.
My mom was much younger stay-at-home. Neither directly influenced my having a feminine nature. Think my shyness had most to do with it.

There's a theory that some cd/tv types are that way because they created within themselves, when they were adolescents, a feminine alter-ego that became the girl they thought they'd never love, and they contented their lonely selves with this inner girlfriend. What happens to guys when they begin their hormonal changes stays with them for life. All too complicated for me, but it's one theory.

Wonder if any highschool hunks ever took up the cd lifestyle? ever had to?

[Laurie Ann]

Blame? I certainly do not blame either parent, or anyone else for who I am. I am who I am, and I'm not looking for reasons or excuses for it. For the record, neither of my parents were much into child-rearing, but I had lots and lots of friends of both genders.

I have no idea where the CD thing comes from, but it seems to have always been there my whole life (even though I waited well into my adult life to act upon it).

Dana I agree with you.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

The "domineering mother" theory was the popular explanation 40 years ago for all sort of things -- including crossdressing, transsexualism, homosexuality, impotence, etc.

None of it has held up when researchers actually studied the issues. Richard Docter specifically looked at this in his book "Transvestives and Transsexuals." The Burroughs in their "Crossdressing, Sex and Gender" also debunked this -- pointing out the prevalence of crossdressing in a wide variety of cultures throughout history.

[MsMichelle]

Both of my parents are good, loving & reasonable people and I never felt that I'm TG because of them. However, I used to ponder 'why' questions all the time: Why am like this? Why can't I be 'normal'? And finally, Why didn't my parents do something to help me?

When I finally put aside the 'Why am like this?' and 'Why can't I be normal?' questions, I was left with being really angry at my parents. How the hell could they have not realized what was going on with me? Why didn't they do something to help me?

When I finally confronted them on this - basically comming out and saying that I have issues with my gender - their response was "We've known that all along." When I asked why they didn't do something about it, their response was "What would you have wanted us to do?" I had no answer. (What should they have done? I don't know.) My mother then told me "We just figured that you'd work it out eventually on your own."

Which of my parents is to blame: neither. I can't think of anything better they could have done.

There is no denying that we are influenced by our parents, friends, and a host of other factors. However, IMHO, none of these things makes us the way we are. They might help us to realize it, but they're not the casue.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

Like you Donna I question the why for years, right up to the point I got professional help. In my case and likely with many others it call came down to the genes. I totally accept the fact that I was simply born into the wrong body. My brain tells me female even though the body may say male.
If you look at the fetish aspects of crossdressing, then I might subscribe to the concept of nurture vs nature. But it would not apply as a rule to the entire Transgender spectrum thats for certain. I would say the same thing may apply to sexual orientation. Is someone gay because of their up bringing? I doubt it very much. They can no longer change wo they are any more than I can change my eye colour.

[Amelie]

Both of my parents had to work long hours, they had many mouths to feed. I was raised mostly by my grandmother and yes I do blame her. She was a nasty miserable person straight out of the 1800’s, I blame her for all of my mental defects, well her and those *******s I met in Times Square

[KellyCD]

I never knew my father, as far as i've ever known he's been in prison for murder.

I only had my mother and my aunt and sisters growing up. Alot of female role-models and no male ones.

Is that the reason for my crossdressing? Maybe. Ibut i'm at the point where I don't care where it came from cuz it won't change anything. I deal with today.

[uknowhoo]

There's a theory that some cd/tv types are that way because they created within themselves, when they were adolescents, a feminine alter-ego that became the girl they thought they'd never love, and they contented their lonely selves with this inner girlfriend. What happens to guys when they begin their hormonal changes stays with them for life. All too complicated for me, but it's one theory.

I hadn't heard that theory before. I've always figured I was just born this way (nobody's "fault"), but this theory seems to ring true for me. I'll have to ponder it. Thanks Keri.

Hugs all,

Tammi


btw, it's wonderful to seee you back w/ us Amelie ;)

[ChristineRenee]

No offense here, but not sure I like OR agree with the title of this thread. It kind of puts this in a negative light which is something I have fought most of my life to see it as. I am a child of the 50's who came of age in the 60's. My parents were a product of their time. I had a very male upbringing despite the fact my mother really did want a girl very badly. (my only other sibling was my brother who was 10 years older than me.) I found out much later in life that my mother took female hormones before and during her pregnancy with me. Perhaps this contributed significantly to my being TG...can't say for certain. But I don't believe it, being TG, had anything to do with my environment...I will say that.

My dad was the sole breadwinner in our house until I was 15...when my mom went to work outside the home for the first time. While he was the recognized "head of the household", in truth, my mother probably was the domestic ruler of the house. In any event, they were both disciplanarians...and the dual dictators of our home. Their word was law and you did not challenge that.

Like I said...I had a very typical childhood for the 1950's and into the 60's. I started CD'ing at the age of 12 and I think it began largely as a curiosity, a sexual titilation, and sort of progressed from there. If it evolved primarily as a result of hormonal imbalance while in the womb...again...it's hard to say...I'm certainly not a genetics expert. But I certainly don't blame either of my parents, my childhood upbringing, or environment. We were all a product of our times in that respect. They provided me with a good upbringing and good values, and I was never want for anything...especially love. So no blame here...I consider myself very lucky to have had them as my parents.;)

[Holly]

During my "formative years" my parents were seperated, with me and my younger brother living with mom. She was always the disciplinarian. Mom and dad got back together during my mid-teens. To tell you the truth, I don't know, nor do I particularly care if my parents contributed to my crossdressing or not. What I do know is this; they both loved me, sheltered me, clothed me, fed me, educated me, encouraged me. For all these things and more, I am grateful and miss them so. If they were at all responsible for my crossdressing, then, as Aunt Peg suggested, I should thank them. It has opened me to exploring and experiencing a whole universe that would have been shuttered tight to me had I been satisfied accepting the typical sterotype of the modern western male figure.

[Amelie]

Yes Christine I agree with you. In my post, I was sort of kidding about my grandmother, she was nasty to me but I don't blame her for the way I am today.

But I did meet some shady characters when I was a teen and they did have an effect on me. They did influence me into the world of Cd's, TS's and other things that are on the bizarre side of life. I never thought of wearing womens' clothes until I met these guys.

So, I don't blame my family, they did their best.

[JoAnnDallas]

I am a BOOMER, having been born in 1947. I must admit that it was my allergy to cotton when I was a pre-teen that may had the most Influence in why I am a crossdresser. I am athe youngest of three, two sisters and me, so I grew up in a household of women. LOL Dad was the master of the house and gave me a lot of attention, so he was a great influencer in my life. But I digress.... As I said I was allergic to cotton. It got so bad, that I would break out into BIG RED whelps that were not only ich, but hurt. Back then almost all male clothing was cotton or cotton based. The doctor suggested that it would help if I wore female underware, female PJ's, and satan sheets on my bed. So mother made me wear panties, stockings, camios, slips, silk socks, and girls PJ's. This worked but I was still getting whelps on my upper thighs so later she took some long leg panties and sewed stockings to the legs, so she kinda invented pantyhose LOL.

My older sisters used to teas me about it and sometimes made me put their dresses on. Mother would always get onto them, so after a while they quit.
When I reached about the age of 12, I started outgrowing my allergy. By the next year mother made stop wearing female underware start wearing male underware.

[renee k]

I can't blame either one, both were loving and caring. And I do miss them.My father traveled quite a bit and died when I was eighteen.
My mother dressed me up as a girl for Halloween a couple of times and let me try on dresses and shoes, whenever I wanted. And did my makeup for a Halloween party during High School. Maybe that's what influenced my desire to dress.

Huggs, Renee

[Gretchen]

I have sometimes wondered if somehow my parents relationship to each other and to me may have had some influence on my initial urge and decision to try on Mom's clothes. There might be some indicrect connection but I don't think it was primary or even a matter of "blame". I don't think I have ever considered my parents to "blame" for my desire to wear my mom's lingerie and stockings at age 12 or what transpired and developed with my crossdressing over the years.
I know now it was something in me that was just waiting to be released and acted upon. I did fear if they ever found out, they would surely disown me and send me to an orphange or children's home.
The parent child relationship in my family was dysfunctional to say the least and I certainly accepted my mother's dominance and clear leadership in most family matters. That dynamic is another story altogether, but suffice it to say, my parents never got along and fought frequently. My father was generally physically present but with no firm emotional connection to me or to my mother. I do know their arguing and quarreling all the time upset me a lot and I was always walking on eggshells when they were together in the same room.
The urge and need to CD may be something I was born with because I can remember strong attraction to girls and girls clothing as far back as age 3
or 4.
All I know for sure is that there is some unidentified driving force that has waxed and waned in me all my life that has accompanied me to this moment in time when I find the urge very strong and still unexplainable for sure. It does not matter "why" or "who" or "when" to me today. It just mostly "is".
Yes, I am completely closeted and am comfortable with being Gretchen with me and me alone. I have no current interest in sharing that personna with anyone but you all in these forums. Disclosure is not an option for me at this time and I am also comfortable with that and have accepted the requirements and extra effort needed to remain fully closeted.
I suspect there are still a number of "family of origin" issues left for me to explore and understand better, but CDing is not one of them.
Love,
Gretchen

[Genevieve G]

I don't think my father was dominant. He was a good father, but never really spent a lot of time with me (I'm the youngest of 4). He never played Hot Wheels with me, never took me to the ballgame, etc. I know this probably made my mom mad, but I don't blame either one of them for anything. My spouse thinks that I just had too much time on my hands before I was a teenager, which led me to crossdress. I was crossdressing before I knew what sex was--I was a pretty ignorant child. I really don't think there's anything either one of them could've done. I guess I feel predisposed to be feminine.

Tina

[Robertacd]

Hello Everybody,

It had a chapter on crossdressing and the author, a psychologist, collected fantasies and writings by men on the subject (as well as others). She claimed that nearly every CD comes from a family with a very dominant father and drew a link to that.

Intresting... I blame my mother (since I had a non existant father) she was very dominant and I guess all I ever wanted was to please her and be a perfect as her.

[emmicd]

I feel I was predisposed to crossdressing but i don't attribute it to my parents at all. I had a very happy childhood and many fond memories of my Mom and Dad and my childhood.

I learned to be a gentleman, respect others and try my best.

I will teach my son to be a gentleman, respect others and try his best as well!

emmi

[Rosemary]

As well as myself, my father is a cross-dresser too. Apart from present day I only ever saw my father dressed up once , and that was when I was 12 years old.
I can remember being attracted to feminine clothes and other things before that but. So I don't think seeing my father dressed has anything to do with the way I am now. Of course it leaves the question of how come I'm just as attracted to wearing girls clothes as he is. It's been suggested that I may be a genetic CD/TV, but I don't really know.
Even if it could be proved that my dad passed the desire to cross-dress on to me, I would not be bitter or anything. Unlike some CD's I've spoken to on this and other forums, I like and enjoy the way I am.:angel:

Mary

[ginafaye]

my parents were decent people but basicly just never there....they both worked nights ......dad factory work mom waitress........my sister was made to babysit me at ages where we should had have real adults around.she was 3yrs older a tom boy and a bully we still have issues at some level she is jealous of my sucess cant just be happy for me.........summers a lot of time we spent with realitivesmostly female dominat houses i guess what im saying is there wasnt a real male around growing up all my male role models wre school age coachs and friends

[JulieFL]

My father passed away shortly before my 1st birthday so that theory doesn't hold water in my case.

While I don't 'blame' my Mother for my CDing, I do think she was the primary reason, as looking back I'm pretty sure that Mom wanted me to be Gay. She didn't quite achieve what she wanted, but I am a Bi-curious CD so she was close :(

JulieFL

[MarinaTwelve200]

To blame a parent for a childs "Crossdressing", Is just too much of a generalization, IMO.

Crossdressing is but an outward expression shared by several very different conditions, each with a different exigenisis. Transexuals crossdress, so do some homosexuals. There are also "Escapist" Cders who CD to releive stress and there are Fetish and Sado-Masochistic (humiliation) driven CDers also.

These all ALL different conditions that ONLY share wearing the clothing of the opposite bio-sex in common. It would be nonsense to attribute ALL CDing to something as simple as a "dominating male parent" or other "one size fits all" cause.

Sure, the male parent thing MIGHT be a factor in ONE of the causes of CDing, but WHICH ONE?---If the data is lumped together to begin with,with no distinction between the TYPE of CD, it is entirely meaningless and irrelivant.

[Ms. Laura]

Hi everyone, I've ben fascinated reading the responses to this topic. There is a lot of very personal, introspective information in them.

To begin with, please don't let the title of the thread put you off, I noted that DanaJ, Sharon and Christine Renee had taken exception to the word blame. A better phrase might have been, Was one of your parents a motivating factor in your crossdressing? However that's not a very provocative title and the Author's theory really does assign "Blame" even if she doesn't say so.

Also, I'm not blaming anyone, I wast just looking for a discussion and boy did I get it!

Yeah, I mean short of them forcing you to crossdress daily, you can't really blame a parent. There may indeed be some deep psychological connection between a certain kind of environment and a Tendency (that's only tendency or predisposition) to crossdressing. I don't know. When I read Raychel's story and being awkward around girls and unsuccessful with them and then leading to experimentation I really saw my own story. However, I must say that I had experimented before that, just not to the same degree as when I became older.

Anyway, thank you all very much for such thoughtful responses. I'd have to agree with the majority of you that her hypothesis is likely unfounded or at least overly simplistic.

[kristytv]

My father passed away shortly before my 1st birthday so that theory doesn't hold water in my case.

While I don't 'blame' my Mother for my CDing, I do think she was the primary reason, as looking back I'm pretty sure that Mom wanted me to be Gay. She didn't quite achieve what she wanted, but I am a Bi-curious CD so she was close :(

JulieFL

that sounds like an interesting story in itself ,