Being hit on in girl mode

[CrossJess]

I’m just interested in how you girls go about dealing with such instances because there are many cd’s that venture out into the real world myself included but there are times when the male of the specie’s will look at you and think "very nice" and may make a move to chat you up and a lot of cds can easily pass as a woman, now the thing is it’s a well known fact the cd’s are not gay and are as straight as a brand you ruler so does it make you feel awkward getting male attention and how far would you take it because when your not in girl mode would you even contemplate a guy hitting on you?...probably not.


Lol I think you can pretty much guess my reaction to this question :daydreaming: so Ill leave it as said hehe :o

[Kate Simmons]

A well dressed CD looks like "fair game" to some guys, so be prepared. How far we take it would be an individual decision. In my own case, I make sure there is no doubt in the guy's mind about who and what I am before anything else. :battingeyelashes::)

[DeeArel]

On this side of the pond, many males have gotten bolder and skip the formalities and get bluntly to the point. Instances like these are easy to handle with a no thank you.

The ones with the more traditional approach introducing themselves, offering to buy you a drink, and making conversation pose a dilemma. It could be innocent or heading some place. At what point do you say no. Most of the time I decline the drink but will chat. If it gets to the point of an offer, I decline.

[mariehart]

I wish. The only real time it happened to me was in the Transformation shop near Euston Station in London. I'm sure you know of it. After being 'transformed', I was in the lounge area. An older CD wearing a nice dress but otherwise without make up or anything actually kept hitting on me for sex. Wanted us to go down to the changing area. I was afraid we'd get kicked out or something so said no. But he was persistent. Eventually to avoid him I went down to the shop section and started browsing.

A man came in and saw me. He didn't say anything but stared at me and followed me round the shop. I'm afraid, after rejecting the other person. I now teased this one, giving him sly little looks, adjusting my skirt. Holding up dresses and lingerie against my body. Very naughty behaviour. Then I left him all hot and bothered. I should be ashamed of myself but I enjoyed every second of it.

So I disappointed two men that day!

[suchacutie]

It doesn't matter what gender we're presenting. Look attractive and you get hit on. The techniques for generating distance are the same. My favorite is to start talking about my spouse in glowing terms. I've even asked the "hitter" what a terrific anniversary present might be.

The only time this approach might not work is when the other party is inebriated. Then a "by" is essential as I walk away.

[Beverley Sims]

It happened a lot when I was young but my girlfriends always helped me with put down lines.

The wrong time of the month seemed to work well.

Could last for weeks with me. :)

[Lorileah]

simple. Answer number one, you want to go out with the guy, he's polite and you like him
"Yes"

answer number two, you aren't into guys but spent a lot of time getting ready and you like being looked at
"Thank you, that is sweet but I am just not looking for anyone right now. But thanks for the compliment"

answer three, he is annoying, you don't want to date him for many reasons.

"No thank you."

You can expand scene one if you are interested. Scene 2 and 3....just direct your attention elsewhere

[Jenniferathome]

... and a lot of cds can easily pass as a woman, ...

I feel compelled to correct you. Unless the male in question is wearing beer goggles or is otherwise severely impaired, if you are getting hit on by a guy it's because he knows you are a guy and he is gay. No big deal but he ain't fooled. The number of cross dressers who can claim to "pass" are infinitesimal. People sometimes win the lottery too.

[tryingtoblossom]

I have not been brave enough...nor ready enough to venture out to have this happen to me yet...very interested to see the answers...I guess being straight and loving to dress and look like a woman I would have to decline...I would be afraid to have a conversation as my voice is not quite girly enough I may have to take lessons on that if there is any.

[samantha rogers]

If you are just out, then it is flattering but like Jennifer said, my guess is that it is rare that the man in question is unaware of the real situation, especially if you are in a TG friendly bar. In that case, it just depends what you want, right?
Of course, there are some few girls who really do pass 100%. Then it is a totally different situation, and extreme care is called for, I expect, though I certainly do not expect to ever face that myself...LOL

[larry]

This post confuses me. "CrossJess" has an avatar that says "Girly Gay Guy" . So I would guess it would be a compliment ??

[Jesse Six]

'Being hit on' is not really the issue, IMHO. Like other said, a "no thank you" is usually sufficient.

I find it more annoying that men get 'down to business' pretty fast. When I'm out in a nightclub I like to dance and socialize, no funny business. Unfortunately I found that whenever a guy starts smiling and chatting me up, and if I respond with the same, his hands will start to wander on my body soon afterwards. So, I end up mostly dancing with women now (or trans ppl), because they seem to get that, hey, we can have fun together and nothing else is expected.

[Sarah Doepner]

It seems that the only time men talk to me when I'm en femme the only proper answer I have for them is "No, I don't have any spare change."

[Lorileah]

Unless the male in question is wearing beer goggles or is otherwise severely impaired, if you are getting hit on by a guy it's because he knows you are a guy and he is gay.

what! :eek: I have never dated a gay guy! They all tell me that they are straight...absolutely 100% dyed in the wool hetero...never had a gay thought in their lives. They just "admire" my beauty.

(Did you buy that?)

I agree with Jennifer, the CDs who can pass are rare, the rest get made in seconds and are targets for guys who don't want to admit they have gay tendencies.

[typhoidmary]

I've been hit on quite a few times over the years. A month or two ago I was drinking with some friends and we got talking to these two somewhat inebriated (but very nice) Irish guys over here on holiday, one of them made a point of telling me how I was turning him on and how he viewed me as a woman even though he knew otherwise from the off. IRL I always go by my birth name so I wasn't exactly misleading him either. I wasn't even looking that great having just come off of a four hour band rehearsal. I have to say, I loved it :D

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I had a guy hit on me at Southern Comfort the last time I was there.

I don't pass and he knew I was male despite my presentation. He was one of those guys who chase after T-girls.

Anyway, it scared the crap out of me so badly I almost called my wife to ask her what to do! I was more scared of her reaction than dealing with him so I never called. I figured she would have told me if I wanted to play at being a woman I would have to learn to deal with it.

I did ask a couple of new girl friends for help and they rallied around me. It was a nice to see the support.

In the end he was a gentleman and respected my declining his favors and that was that.

Oh, when I got home and told my wife she almost fell out of the chair she was laughing so hard.

[Persephone]

Even at my age I've been hit on and once even "stalked." It comes with the territory of being a woman, it is how the human race mates.

I pretty much go with Lorileah, polite and without bruising his fragile male ego. After all, it is a bit flattering to be asked, so he deserves niceness in return, even when saying "No."

Hugs,
Persephone.

[CrossJess]

This post confuses me. "CrossJess" has an avatar that says "Girly Gay Guy" . So I would guess it would be a compliment ??

What's confusing out he post larry? "girly" = yes "gay" = Yes and for me it would be a compliment if some guy hit on me but the post isn't about me it's about others would do if they got hit on.

[Marcelle]

I can say it never happens to me. The closest I ever get is when guys process from the ground floor up. They see a pair of tight jeans . . . gaze keeps going up. Passable breasts . . . gaze keeps going up. Face . . . WARNING, WARNING . . . DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER! I agree with Jennifer . . . those who pass are rare. The rest have too many tells and any attention given (in that let's be a couple . . . nudge, nudge, wink, wink) is either booze or the guy is gay.

Hugs

Isha

[PaulaQ]

I'd enjoy getting hit on by a guy, if it was even half-way civilized. My experiences with this so far have been more like a prelude to rape rather than a come on for sex. Heck any sort of minimal gesture of civility would be nice you know like "hey, nice shoes, wanna ----?" That would be an improvement. :(

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi CJ, I could imagine that happening in a GLBT bar.

[Paige62]

Hi for me i would find it the ultimate compliment i have never been out dressed and only dress when i know i wont be discovered that said i have worn heeled boots at work when i know no one else is around and i go walking around but would love to have the confidence to go out dressed xxxxxx love hugs and kisses Paige

[WhisperTV]

If he was cute I'd love it, if not I'd still take it as a compliment.

[PretzelGirl]

I also want to reaffirm that most of us don't pass. And we are not all straight. Just as many of us are gay as there are in the cis community.

As far as what to do when being hit on? Maybe someday I will be able to tell you. :sad:

[Katey888]

Y'know, I think we're all missing something here...? Please don't ask me to bring a fully formulated idea to the forum - on a holiday weekend too (and it is here in UK as well) - but given all the acceptance we mostly have around non-binary gender and also non-binary sexuality, is it not possible there is a small but specific sexuality nature that falls somewhere between gay and bi (probably) that does not find males presenting as men attractive but is attracted to males presenting as female? Particularly where those males (if you accept this about most of us) really are TG to some degree and therefore are able to express a genuinely female aspect to our persona...?

Like I said - half-formed idea, cast out here as pearls of wisdom.... :D (now exits for second coffee and before the real debating starts...)

Or they're just kinky and we're one up from Dolly resident in the field next to the pub... :eek:

Hasn't anyone who got hit on (Girly Gay Guys aside in this one..) actually asked the hitter why they do it? That would be an interesting conversation... but probably no more illuminating than us asking ourselves 'why' we do what we do.... Time for that coffee now... :doh:

Katey x

[Rogina B]

Katey,I find that men process very visually.Then they assume that because of appearance,one wants their attention.To actually question the horn dog that's hitting on you so hard as to WHY he is interested,would probably not be pleasant. "Any port in a storm" is probably the most honest and accurate answer most could give! Women can be serious admirers as well and very much enjoy good conversation over appearance.And when they realize that you are there just being yourself,with no agenda,the conversation DOESN'T change! The male ego tends to get bruised easily when told you aren't interested. Some eager male admirers of "all things T" are sometimes closeted dressers or sometimes have a "T" fetish which can take many forms. My experiences anyway.

[WhisperTV]

is it not possible there is a small but specific sexuality nature that falls somewhere between gay and bi (probably) that does not find males presenting as men attractive but is attracted to males presenting as female? Particularly where those males (if you accept this about most of us) really are TG to some degree and therefore are able to express a genuinely female aspect to our persona...?
Katey x
That's basically what I am. Girls and transgender attract me. Only very rarely am I attracted to a normal, non-transgender man, be he straight or gay.

And yes, the personalities of the transgenders play a big role in my attraction to them. I can't pin it down to any one thing, so I'll just say I think there's a lot more going on with the personality of a transgender male than with straight or gay males.

Edit:
In reply to Rogina's "Any port in a storm" comment, I'd have to say that doesn't apply to me. I'm actually very picky. I'd break down the percentages of people I actually want to sleep with like this (rough estimate):

Female: 1% of their population.
Male: 0.1% of their population.
Transgender: 5% of their population.

Transgenders get a higher percentage because they tend to put a lot more work into themselves and it shows. But since there are so few transgenders, most of the people I want to sleep with are women.

But the odds are that no matter what your sexual label is, I don't want to sleep with you.

[Jillian Faith]

I've mostly only been enfemme in public during the day with only occasional after dark outings limited to plays or support group meeting, never been in a bar or club enfemme, so Jill has never encountered male attention in public. I have been hit on online by tranny chasers or guys that thought my profile picture = GG (obviously much easier to pass online). The online flirting did validate my femme ego but I would never let it progress further than a cordial online chat. Funny thing is I've been hit on by gay men while presenting as male many times, which was met with a thanks but no thanks dude before moving on.

[Ressie]

I’m just interested in how you girls go about dealing with such instances because there are many cd’s that venture out into the real world myself included but there are times when the male of the specie’s will look at you and think "very nice" and may make a move to chat you up and a lot of cds can easily pass as a woman, now the thing is it’s a well known fact the cd’s are not gay and are as straight as a brand you ruler so does it make you feel awkward getting male attention and how far would you take it because when your not in girl mode would you even contemplate a guy hitting on you?...probably not.


Lol I think you can pretty much guess my reaction to this question :daydreaming: so Ill leave it as said hehe :o

1.)Passing close up is pretty much impossible for most CDs.

2.)Sorry but not all CDs are straight. Most men assume that CDs aren't straight. In fact, some prostitutes are men dressed as women.

3.)Men get hit on by other men that are in male mode all the time. So yes, I have contemplated being hit on in male mode.

I've been hit on as a male, but never while en femme. A lot of times I didn't even realize that I was being hit on! I'm not sure what your question is CrossJess, but I take it that you would enjoy attracting men with the chance of having sex with them? Just make sure it's safe sex sweetie.

[Talisker]

CrossJess - Firstly i think your facts are wrong. Most but not all CDs are straight.
Regarding male attention I think there are quite a few men who consider themselves straight but are attracted to CDs. I dont go to bars and not that often in public so only been approached a few times. About half of them by women. Depends on the person but can be intesrting to talk to them for a while.
if you dont want male attention tell them up front your a lesbian.

[Lunchbox]

Flirt right back!

[Jenniferathome]

.... I think there are quite a few men who consider themselves straight but are attracted to CDs. ...

You may be right, but of course, they'd be wrong about how straight they are. Straight men are NEVER attracted to cross dressers.

[Rogina B]

Edit:
In reply to Rogina's "Any port in a storm" comment, I'd have to say that doesn't apply to me. I'm actually very picky. .

My comment was about THEIR logic...not mine!

[JazT95]

I agree with what others have said - take it as the ultimate compliment. Surely if a guy tries to hit on you, you must be attractive to him? That enough shows that you've done a good job :)

[samantha rogers]

So, here, I can answer this now in a non hypothetical manner...tee hee
I went dancing last night. I needed some girl time really bad. No group meeting this month and no one seemed available, so I just went by myself. No big deal. The local TG bar, GiGis is great on Saturdays. Walked in around midnight and headed to the bar. There was a guy there who followed me around the last time I was there, but that time I had a crowd of girlfriends around me. So, I got my drink and grabbed a table. Sure enough, here he comes. Fine. I said to him..."Hey, You know what kind of girl I am, right? And I am also married, and going home tonight to my wife and this is not your lucky night."
But it turned out he didn't care. :heehee:
Nice guy, likes "gurls" and likes to dance. And he is tall... remember I am six three barefoot. And I wanted to dance... :daydreaming:
LOL...so I danced with him...Ha...even let him buy me a drink... tee hee. Had a great time, and also danced with some other girls along the way and, at the end of the night, my gentleman and I parted friends. No harm done.

[Alice Torn]

Samantha, Great you had a good time, and no trouble. You have more guts than i do. I am still too timid to go to a gay bar alone, and also, i don't like being around a lot of drinking and very loud music. Was the music real loud?

[Ressie]

Sammie, you're starting to have too much fun!

[GenieGirl]

It always makes me uncomfortable when Im out and guys hit on me. Especially lately, I've had a few guys hit on me since I've been going out to quite a few bars/clubs lately. I admit it is always flattering and that's about as far as I wish it to go as far as them complimenting me in how great Ithey think I look, but that's where I try to end it. If it goes any further I scream the "I have a girlfriend" line which I've learned that doesn't work with all men...Had a few guys try to get a little too feely lately ie grabbing tush, trying to massage my shoulders...really? Wth? Anyways just been a little creeped out with interacting with guys in bars etc unless I know they are gay because I'm not what they are interested in so nothing to worry about there :). As for being hit on/complimented by girls that is always welcomed and enjoyed :D

[samantha rogers]

Genie, that is about the only advantage in this context to being six three...LOL...I don't intimidate easily, even in a miniskirt.

[mechamoose]

I guess I'd say to be happy with the attention, even if you look like Grizzly Adams in a skirt.

If they like you enough to come on to you, then they *like* you. They are *interested*.

Isn't that what we all want?

It may be about transforming for many of us, but isn't it mostly about being accepted & wanted for who we are?

<3

- MM

[GenieGirl]

I think you mean you do intimidate easily being 6'3? lol. Hope you are doing great Sam. Every time I hear Let it Go I think of you :)


Genie, that is about the only advantage in this context to being six three...LOL...I don't intimidate easily, even in a miniskirt.

[mechamoose]

At 6'3" (I'm 6'2", 235#) I could be wearing a tu-tu and nobody is likely to say a thing.

Seriously.

- MM

[Rogina B]

I guess I'd say to be happy with the attention, even if you look like Grizzly Adams in a skirt.

If they like you enough to come on to you, then they *like* you. They are *interested*.

Isn't that what we all want?

It may be about transforming for many of us, but isn't it mostly about being accepted & wanted for who we are?

<3

- MM
Please define "like" for us,as you see it...A horn dog "liking you" isn't much of a confirmation of being a good person as I see and know it.

[Lynn Marie]

Early on I was frightened by guys when out. One of my CD girlfriends helped me to relax and feel free to flirt with the men a little without fear. Just making sure they are fully aware that I'm not "that kind of girl". We all like to flirt and be flirted with. It's great for the ego and works both ways. My girlfriends are extremely attractive only because we all present extremely well.

[samantha rogers]

I think you mean you do intimidate easily being 6'3? lol. Hope you are doing great Sam. Every time I hear Let it Go I think of you :)
Lol...yes, what I meant was that it is not easy to intimidate me. And, I suppose there are those who might be intimidated BY me...but I don't look for that reaction unless I need to...lol

[5150 Girl]

I simply inform then that I am both taken, and a lesbian, but it was still flattering to be asked.
I did have one guy who would not take that for an answer, and kept trying to put his arm around me. I finally had to sink my nails into his arm, remove it from my shoulder, brought him to his knees, looked him square in the eye and said "What part of lesbian do you not understand?"

[Sabrina133]

simple. Answer number one, you want to go out with the guy, he's polite and you like him
"Yes"

answer number two, you aren't into guys but spent a lot of time getting ready and you like being looked at
"Thank you, that is sweet but I am just not looking for anyone right now. But thanks for the compliment"

answer three, he is annoying, you don't want to date him for many reasons.

"No thank you."

You can expand scene one if you are interested. Scene 2 and 3....just direct your attention elsewhere

What Lori said....As i only go out in girl mode, i've had to use all three. But i agree, its wonderful to be recognized as a woman.

[Algoma]

I've been hit on at clubs or bars with other CDers hang out. By CDer's and guys. It is kind of flattering, even though you know you're not really passing. Never really followed up. Hugs, Algoma

[Lola]

I have never been out in public... toooooo scared to,,,,,, i wish i was like you gurls.....mmmmmmmmmmmmm

[Cheyenne Skye]

When I first started my gender therapy, I was taking public transportation to my appointment. One time I had a guy get up from the front, walk back to the seat in front of me, turn around and ask me if I had a boyfriend. My response was to show him my wedding ring and tell him "no, I have a wife" (my wife and I were still trying to work things out at the time). He turned around, got up and went back to the front without another word. I didn't think it was a compliment. I thought it was creepy.

[Eryn]

At 5'14" and with a fiftysomething face I haven't faced the problem of being hit upon. Maybe it has something with the fact that I wear glasses?

If I were, the answer would have to be a polite no, as I am happily married.

[CarolynO]

'Being hit on' is not really the issue, IMHO. Like other said, a "no thank you" is usually sufficient.

I find it more annoying that men get 'down to business' pretty fast. When I'm out in a nightclub I like to dance and socialize, no funny business. Unfortunately I found that whenever a guy starts smiling and chatting me up, and if I respond with the same, his hands will start to wander on my body soon afterwards.

This happened to me last year(first time)at a T bar.He flirted a little at first then the deep kiss,let him initiate to see how it felt and wanted to take me to his place.Didn't even chat me up much either.
Was shocked how blunt and direct he was.But like you and others said,a simple" no thank you" stopped it there.

[bianca316]

Never happened. But would be nice and let them know I am happily married. My wife and I always enjoy new friendships though.

[Donnadcd]

Can honestly say its something I would welcome the opportunity.

[StephanieDragg]

I’m just interested in how you girls go about dealing with such instances because there are many cd’s that venture out into the real world myself included but there are times when the male of the specie’s will look at you and think "very nice" and may make a move to chat you up and a lot of cds can easily pass as a woman, now the thing is it’s a well known fact the cd’s are not gay and are as straight as a brand you ruler so does it make you feel awkward getting male attention and how far would you take it because when your not in girl mode would you even contemplate a guy hitting on you?...probably not.


Lol I think you can pretty much guess my reaction to this question :daydreaming: so Ill leave it as said hehe :o

we are all different, so I would disagree with your statement "its a well known fact that cds are not gay and are as straight as ruler" , I consider myself bisexual, so If I am out as a woman shopping or dining or doing whatever and get hit on, I guess I act as any lady would, depending on the gentleman, (or lady) I accept their compliments and leave it at that or have accepted dinner or lunch invitations and go from there, I solved the problem of awkwardly finding something to write a phone number on by having pretty business cards printed up with a picture and email and phone number.

[CrossJess]

we are all different, so I would disagree with your statement "its a well known fact that cds are not gay and are as straight as ruler" , I consider myself bisexual


Fair play Stephanie I stand corrected :hugs:

[Pat]

Err.. well... if I dress up and go to a bar in girl mode, I'm kinda hoping I *will* get hit on. :o

Of course, a jerk is a jerk no matter the mode, so rude behavior or unpleasant presentation gets shut down quickly. But a smooth talker has a better than even chance with me. ;)

[GenieGirl]

Jennie,

I've been quite impressed at the smooth talkers that have approached me and how forward they have been. I gotta give it to them for having berries that big lol. I'd never approach a girl like that so strongly...not even if I was drunk.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Not sure, if I were to leave the house fully dressed, I am sure they would know I was a guy. If that didn't matter to them and they were nice... Not sure what I would "do" with him but I am sure I would be nice back.