Who Do You Blame?

[Julie Gaum]

A very recent tragedy highlighted a plight familiar to younger CDs. I’m curious as to how many had similar experiences as I, but if you happened to have been dealt at birth a hand involving an unbalance in hormones or genetic markers then please do not reply for evident reasons.
In grammar and high school I was neither physically or mentally an achiever --- more of an introvert with little attraction to girls. When I did date my mother’s corset restrained my impulses to perhaps a goodnight kiss. I called it my “iron maiden”. Then came the war and that imprint was obviously still with me. Offered an English farmer’s daughters to show his gratitude to me and a fellow airman I quickly opted out to the consternation.of my buddy. I did pick up an Alabama gal when rained out of our home base only to let her sleep off a “bad period” in a hotel room --- too scared to do otherwise. And so it went until at 21 a much older woman in a college boarding house took away the virginity of a willing pupil.
Looking back to all those years I certainly didn’t put an onus on all the females in the world but rather on a deep seated desire to cross dress. So my question is: How many others remained virgins until their 20s due to our rather unique inclinations?
Julie

[ReineD]

Your story mirrors my SO's, minus the war experiences. And I do notice posts from members here, who say they also did not pursue girls in their teenage years like the other boys and who weren't motivated by the same desire to sow their wild oats so to speak ... for a variety of reasons.

Why do you think this is?

[typhoidmary]

until I first experienced sex (I was 18, my interest in CDing had barely started) I never had much interest in it. I didn't even really understand... self pleasuring, shall we say, until my late teens. I think I always had quite a childish view of dating and sex up until then, I wanted a girlfriend but more for the company and comfort of it all. I don't really know why I was this way, maybe I just matured a bit slow.

really interesting to read your story Julie :)

[Alice Torn]

I am 60, and still a virgin. My older sister, is 65, and a virgin. I had a few chances to go all the way , but stopped short, because of morals, fear of getting someone pregnant, and guilt. I did not date until 27, and sadly, she died of drugs. Certainly have had great frustration, anger, and feeling cursed at times, but did date quite a bit in my 30's, but no sex , and just handshakes, hugs, and a few pecks on the face. I have had a number of older men friends, who also are virgins , and old now. There are more than most think. I know a lot of GG's don't need a man anymore, are sick of male attention constantly aimed at them. A lot of men are frustrated, because they are rejected so much. It is awful, that a few get violent toward women, though. No excuse for that. Some men snap. I know that one reason i dress in womens clothes, is too feel like there is a lady on me, next to me, and i can be a lady for a few hours at a time. Being on disability, low income, I have almost quit hoping for a SO or wife.

[Barbara Dugan]

I never had the opportunity to crosdress and always wonder why I didn't had the the desire to chase girls but to be honest neither guys were interesting to me. Till the time I was on my late 30's and put on some women clothes that I had found and discovered the key to my sexuality....I love masculine guys

[Julie Gaum]

Hi Reine. The purpose of this query was to invite members' input as to why they also may have been late bloomers and whether CDing was a major factor. Actually, when I finally found the thrill of sex I became very selfish in that my desire for fulfillment far outweighed my partner's interests. I was probably looking to take the female's role in sex play without being aware of it at that time. Hope we can get a number of responses and if their reasons were similar to mine.
Julie

[Jenniferathome]

Nope, I was a very typical horny teen. The fact that girls could see me coming from a mile away kept in check until I was 16.

[Christen]

Hmm .. No, from me. Being a CD certainly didn't put a hold on my male 'inclinations'. Maybe my affinity for femininity actually worked for me as a young man, perhaps I was a little more in tune with girls than my friends.

[Alaina R]

Yes, I think CDing can have an effect especially if it is tied in with your sexuality. In my case it is very tied in so I knew if I got serious the CDing would need to be brought into the discussion. I was not comfortable with that and so tended to shy away from relationships for fear of exposure/rejection etc. My first sex was at 21 with a girl I got serious with at college. Luckily she was okay with the CDing when I revealed it. After that relationship ended (for unrelated reasons) the same issue existed for me as I got older and it continued to cause me to shy away from some situations that might have worked. There were other instances where I did get involved and really think I'd have married once or twice if not for the CDing. I eventually did find a woman, now my wife, who was a good match and likes CDers but it took many years and was kind of a fluke.

[Rogina B]

Have had fun with girls and boys since age 14...Glad I did..no regrets..

[Lorileah]

My Tgism had nothing to do with it. It was my upbringing...and teh fact the girls wouldn't date me

[kimdl93]

I liked girls, wanted and eventually had intimate relations with girls, but had this nagging desire to be a girl. Very confusing but it wasn't sufficient to keep my hormones in check.

My biggest fears were a) getting someone pregnant and b) STDs...and that was pre HIV

[ReineD]

Hi Reine. The purpose of this query was to invite members' input as to why they also may have been late bloomers and whether CDing was a major factor.

Well then, my SO told me that he was hugely shy with girls all through high school. He felt all tongue-tied around them. He also was intellectually endowed (a math and physics nerd and I say this in the nicest way), and it took longer for his social skills to develop. He told me that he never thought a girl would be interested in him, to the point where this caused him a great deal of stress his Freshman year of college. He didn't start dating until several years into college. I don't know if CDing was a factor.

[Diane Smith]

I was not sexually aggressive as a young man, and then when I reached my 20s, the few girls I was genuinely interested in were already taken. I lost my virginity at 21 and have had a few physical relationships since, but nothing that ever felt like it would be permanent or lead to marriage. I'm 57 now and still unattached -- no wife, exes or kids. I would not be opposed to finding a partner even now, but age and my own perfectionism about finding the right match probably dictate that I'll live the rest of my life alone.

- Diane

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Julie, I dont really know if CDing had an influence or not. At that time in my life I had no idea what exactly CDing was about. I did remain a virgin to the age of 21.
I had many GG friends in high school, possibly more than guy friends, I'm sure some of them really liked me, and probably wanted me to date them. I sure a few were confused because I just thought of them as a good friend. During school hours I enjoyed spending time with the GGs, rather than with the guys. This could be because of where I lived, none of these GGs were anywhere nearby, only a couple of the guys were close to home.
It's interesting to take a look back, and think! Thanks Julie!
Much Love,
kristyn

[sometimes_miss]

I didn't reach puberty until I was 17, and development after that wasn't terrificly quick, either. Add to that, the tiny penis insecurity, and it took me until 24 to manage even attempting sexual intercourse, and of course, the first experience was a failure, a condom that didn't cooperate, and standard missionary style was simply not a good idea. I hadn't accounted for the mental gymnastics that were required for me to pretend to be doing one thing in order to appear to be a 'normal guy', while fantasizing the roles being reversed. I've never felt normal being the aggressor during sex.

[Teresa]

Julie,
Thanks for posing the question.
I had a GF at about 5 until secondary school, just hand holding and kissing but I did become sexually active at about 9.
Secondary school was all boys, we were worked hard six days a week so not many had GFs. I made up for when leaving school, but I guess through school I remained a virgin till my late teens. My CDing remained constant from the age of 8, somehow I managed to find GFs that liked CDing, so I never felt held back by it.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Julie, were you embarrassed by the CD so avoided sex? Or was it because crossdressing WAS sex for you and you didn't really need a partner?

My H was also a late bloomer apparently though I sure didn't notice this by the time we met :) But then, he's since acknowledged that CD is very much tied to his sexuality. If you look up paraphilia you'll find most men with one struggle to start a typical sex life as their fetish essentially fulfils this need, at least temporarily.

If it wasn't about sex, then I'd be curious as to what came first - did the crossdressing compensate for not feeling appealing to women, or did the crossdressing MAKE you feel unappealing to women?

Or neither?? :)

[mikiSJ]

I was always attracted to girls in high school but I was fearful of a real serious relationship and the discovery of who I really was. I was an attractive guy in my late high school year and had plenty of opportunity to go all the way - unfortunately going all the way also meant never achieving an orgasm. In fact, my first orgasm occur during my first marriage, and I even faked it on our wedding night.

[mariehart]

In your case Julie I don't think delaying was that unusual with the WW2 generation. Different attitudes prevailed back then I think. But oddly enough I think I too would have declined the offer of the farmer's daughter too.

I was very late in having sex not through any lack of interest but simply opportunity and my innate ability to completely miss the signs. Neither my gaydar or straightdar worked at all. I think my first sexual experience with a man was in my mid thirties and my first time with a woman with full sex was aged 42. Even then I was dating her for months before I made a move.

Was it anything to do with CDing, well maybe. But when I first started wearing girl's clothes. I rationalised it as being an attempt to get close to girls by becoming one even though I always fervently wished and wished I would wake up one morning as a girl. Ah the confusion of puberty!

More than anything though I think it was my personality that held me back. I am shy, feel I'm ugly and unattractive. Why would anyone want to have sex with me runs the line of thought. On the other hand is this way of thinking the result of my gender dysphoria? It's a chicken and egg situation. Which came first?

It's difficult to say!

[Lynn Marie]

I was sniffing around the edges as early as 14, but managed to avoid getting into trouble until 22 or so. I then made up for lost time with a passion!

Seems as if I've been a late bloomer all my life in just about everything. I really can't blame it on anything in particular, maybe just caution and a little understanding of the consequences of my actions. As with most everything else, my CDing also blossomed late in life.

[CarlaWestin]

If you look up paraphilia you'll find most men with one struggle to start a typical sex life as their fetish essentially fulfils this need

I think most people, not just men, struggle with puberty and maturity. Is a paraphilia not a good thing to have? I had a burning desire to be near females that trumped all the usual boy pursuits. Along with a desire to be submissive and the short cut of crossdressing to become my own fantasy woman, I had a lot of unacceptable fantasy urges. But, the whole dating thing, as approved by society, was so excruciatingly complex and disappointing. My generation wanted to dance, drink and smoke whereas I just wanted to be a pretty damsel in distress. I never did meet that perfect life partner although, I absolutely love and adore my wife.


When I did date my mother’s corset restrained my impulses to perhaps a goodnight kiss. I called it my “iron maiden”.

OMG! Corseted by your mother? Maybe that had a little psychological effect?

[Confucius]

Well, I started cross-dressing when I was very young (3-4 years old), and when puberty (and all the testosterone) arrived it changed my cross-dressing to become much more sexually arousing.

Like many cross-dressers I was a shy, quiet, and sensitive boy. I was in introvert in high school and had a low self-esteem which made me very uncomfortable around girls. It wasn't so much about being a late bloomer, as much as it was just being shy. I was attracted to girls ever since I was 5 years old, and when testosterone (that puberty thing) hit, it made me more uncomfortable dealing with my sexuality.

There was a time in my life when I thought that there was something wrong with me, and that lowered my self-esteem. I thought I was the only person in the world who cross-dressed. I thought I was a freak and my cross-dressing gave me feelings of guilt and shame. I thought it was a substitute for my need for human intimacy, and I believed that if I had a girlfriend then my cross-dressing would disappear. Today those misconceptions are my greatest regrets.

[calliekat]

I blame my sisters and mother. I have two sisters, no brothers. My father was never around much so I never grew up with a "father figure. I grew up with my sisters and my mom. I never did the "boy things" I probably might have if my father was more part of the family. My mom never treated me like a girl, and did her best. But being around her and my sisters so much, I'm sure that highly influenced my desire to start dressing.

[Katey888]

Not me I'm afraid, Julie... :)

Late teens for me and although I was painfully shy I did so want to date a girl in 6th form (I think that would be high school for y'all over the pond..;)) - tried but blew it, but then was given my introduction to that climactic part of life by two older women (not at the same time, I hasten to add) when I was 18. Thinking back to those days, I have to admit that... errr.. correctly occupied clothing was quite the thing for me, as you'd expect for a normal reaction, I suppose... I can't honestly say that the two aspects crossed until a bit later while in a relationship.

I'm not sure that I'd anticipate any direct link between our degree of sexuality and TG/CD nature - although I can understand that there might be either a substitution approach happening for those who were not successful, or an opportunist approach (when an SO's apparel may be inadvertently left available) for those who were... I don't know about blaming anyone or anything, though.... isn't it a bit like blaming your parents because you're blonde or not blonde...? :thinking:

Katey x

[RobynC]

Growing up my dad worked 2nd or 3rd shift or was drunk coming home from the bar. No matter how hard I tried I was not a big muscle boy making me an easy target for the neighborhood bullies. I knew I was different at a young age when I didn't like playing with things boys played with. I enjoyed playing with my older sisters dolls and doll house. Until dad came home unexpectedly and laid the law down, with his belt. One Halloween I didn't have anything and my mom and sister dressed me up as a girl, dad was working. I knew right away I was missing out on something. When dad died the last thing he said to me, well your the man of the house now. I tried to deny how I felt by getting married twice, both ending in disasters. I never really had a sober father figure in my life and I'm not much of a father figure to my own son. Do I blame anyone? Not really, maybe when I move on to what ever comes next, I'll understand why I feel the way I do. Until then I'll enjoy living the single life and as much as possible the life of my better half.

[Farrah]

At a young age, I wanted a girlfriend. However, I think I wanted one simply because I was suppose to. I liked girls, but my cding may have caused me to be an introvert. Having a girlfriend meant that you had to open up and talk about things you didn't discuss casually. I didn't open up to many people, because cding was a part of me.

[CrossJess]

until I first experienced sex (I was 18, my interest in CDing had barely started) I never had much interest in it. I didn't even really understand... self pleasuring, shall we say, until my late teens. I think I always had quite a childish view of dating and sex up until then, I wanted a girlfriend but more for the company and comfort of it all. I don't really know why I was this way, maybe I just matured a bit slow.

really interesting to read your story Julie :)

This is very much how I was too, I've cross dressed from about 6 years old onwards and it was never a secrete either my mum was more than willing to dress me as a girl because that's what made me happy I don’t blame my mum I thank her for letting me be who I am, she’s the best mum in the world.

I was a virgin up until about 22, I was a very confused young man from my teens up until 25, the thing is I was always surrounded in girls when I was at school and collage but I never saw them as someone to have sex with, ok yes I had a few girl friends but it was more best friends kind of thing, we would fondle and do all that stuff but that was a far as I went with it, I was very young and my mind was all over the place with my sexuality and questioning what I was really about and why I was preferring to dress and behave like a girl, I lost my virginity to my childhood sweet heart jojo who I knew from year dot and we were courting for a while and got quite serious at one point but she knew me inside and out and knew I was in a dark place and struggling with some knots in my spirit, she knew I was batting for the other side before I knew, me and jojo have a very close bond now and I’m really glad we got together for that moment because we both lost our virginities together and she is my best friend.

When I was 25 I met my first love and who I’m still with now and it was at that point when everything started to fit into place because he was in the same place as me and we both helped each other to discover who we were, 10 years on and I couldn’t be happier I worked out that my crossdressing was purely a result of gender miss match though I’m happy enough being a boy but the spirit is most defiantly 100% female, I'm the result of a computer glitch in the baby factory lol bet they were using Windows :brolleyes:

[Eselka]

Hi Julie, it's impressive how you just described my life so far (except for the corset thing, that is). I never felt any sexual inclination towards a girl until 2 years ago, to the point that I asked myself if I was gay. And yet I met a few lovely girls who had some affection for me, but more like a best friend, you know, the one who listen to all their fears and keeps their secret. Maybe my CDing was in the way, I've never thought about it that way but you really opened my eyes on this. Will have to reflect on this !
And then I happened to cross paths with my current girlfriend, and well... let's just say I caught up on all these years :angel:

[Dianne S]

I remained a virgin until 22, but not for lack of trying. Girls / women just weren't interested me when I was a teenager. I was very shy. Plus I was (and am) very small (160cm/5'2") and women seemed to prefer taller men.

I don't know if my CDing had anything to do with it... I doubt it. What finally gave me self-confidence was the most useful high school course I ever took: A course in drama. I was the stereotypical science geek, so getting in with the acting crowd was way outside my comfort zone. But having to act stupid in front of my peers really helped me; I eventually was able not to care what others think about me. This has been hugely useful in my expeditions when presenting as female. :)

[JamieG]

I was very shy around girls and didn't lose my virginity until age 25, but I'm not sure that CDing was the reason. It wasn't a huge weight on my mind in my teens. Sure, I'd sometimes see a girl in a cute skirt and pantyhose and wondered what it felt like to be her, but I didn't become catatonic. My problem was that I wasn't what most high school girls were looking for. I was scrawny, dressed in clothes that my mom chose, and a bit bookish. However, I believe that becoming more comfortable with my CDing has made me more confident, and in so doing, that has made me more attractive to women. I think it is no accident that a few months after I went to a Halloween party in a jester costume (essentially a minidress and tights), I met and started dating the woman who became my wife.

[reb.femme]

I started my journey into dressing at age 10 and lost my innocence at age 14. Unfortunately, brain wasn't tuned to the fact that life continues from said act and I became a daddy at a very early age. CDing definitely didn't interfere with my drive.

Rebecca

[Sister Rachel]

I lost my virginity at 15, with an "older woman" ( she was 16!). I didn't tell her about my crossdressing, but I'm fairly sure that SHE would have been into it, which I can't say of any of my later girlfriends, who were fairly few and far between until I married Anne 19 years ago.

[samantha rogers]

No, quite the opposite. I was chasing girls from a very young age. Kissing them in the first grade. Lost my virginity with a girl on the beach in Australia when I was 13 and never stopped chasing them until I married my wife. It just took a long time to figure out that what I was really chasing was the girl in me.

[Marcelle]

Hi Julie,

No I was a typical hormone driven male teen which only went into overdrive when I joined the military and got to travel the world.

Hugs

Isha

[kaylyn]

I've dabbled in crossdressing sing I was like 8-9 years old. I lost my virginity at age 19. I was a bit of a ladies man in hug school and sex never happened while I was there but everything else that could have happened happened. I met my girlfriend of three years at freshman initiation at my college. We were together for 5 months before it happened. She knew I crossdresses and didn't care. I don't think dressing has anything to do with it. I think it is 100% a person to person basis.

[Alice Torn]

From all the posts, i have seen, it looks like I, at age 60, am the oldest virgin yet on here! I did know men tha were in their 70's who told me they never dated, and were virgins. But, virgin in body, not mind!

[sissystephanie]

Although I was a virgin until age 23, I dated and played around with a lot of girls before that time. But I was waiting for the right girl. I never actually had sex with any person until I married. And being a CD had nothing to do with it, it was just the way I was raised. My dear late wife is the only person that I have had sex with! And at my current age, she may be the only one in my lifetime!!

[Mollyanne]

As a teen, I was shy because of a speech impediment (stutterer), crossdressing was my outlet for sexual gratification. Whenever I became frustrated because of my stuttering, I turned to crossdressing as a release and I liked the release more and more. I overcame my speech problem and continued "dressing" because I liked it, needed it and made me feel good. I liked how I looked and how I felt. I still do to this day. My wife knows of my penchant for "dressing" and is not happy about it but she tolerates it. I am now in my very early 70's and I don't see me stopping or curtailing what I REALLY like doing.

Molly

o

[Julie Gaum]

First, let me thank all those wonderful responders --- where else but on this Forum can one have such a frank, up-front discussion with everything out in the open?
On one thing we can all agree — the cross dressing community is very diverse. This morning on TV Harvey Fierstein, with an amazing three shows running on Broadway simultaneously, was asked on the progress of cross dressing. He said in one sentence: Fifty years ago you could get arrested for walking on the street but now I know that I know nothing. By the way one of the shows is about a group of married men who meet regularly to dress and just socialize in the 1960s.
Why is the thread entitled “Blame”? At a Santa Barbara college a young man in his early 20s recently killed 6 because he blamed the entire female population on him still being a virgin. Interestingly not one reply blamed females for their being a late bloomer.
Was kind of vindicated to see one category with a 50% edge over the others. And that was the group who related of their shyness and being introverted. They agreed that their social skills developed later (late bloomers) but only a few ventured to explain it. Several voiced the common answer often noted that they had low self-esteem, believed that they were the only CD in the world (Before the Internet), or thought, sometimes in truth, that they were physically, personality-wise or mentally unappealing to GGs of their age group. Thus, if one disliked themselves why on earth would a GG be attracted?
A sub-group of the above tied in second place, but in all honesty their CD journeys had totally different beginnings for, whether they were aware early on or later, they were dealt a different hand through genetic or hormone unbalance or by the H. Benjamin syndrome. For some physically they may have discovered that their statue was smaller or that their male attributes were not what might be called the norm. Gravitating to the female world in play and garb most did eventually marry, though generally of short duration. A few in this group found that they were gay or Bi early on or they were young men before they could accept their orientation. This entire group must be excluded from the basic purpose of this thread simply because their dilemma was pre-ordained so should not be considered to provide reasons for their social experiences as teenagers or young adults that were shy or laid back in nature or had already accepted who they really were.
The last group to tie for second were those who reported that they were not apparently hindered by cross dressing inclinations, may not have even known that these tendencies existed until later in life and were sexually and socially very active teenagers.
Finally, to reply to several questions: I was misleading in that I had swiped an open bottom girdle from my mother and wore it roller skating and on dates. I compared it to the Middle Ages torture devise in that I believed it restricted or restrained my emotions and made sexual advances, at least for me, out of the question.
To Tinkerbell-GG: Neither — was not embarrassed nor would I say that it was sexually a substitute for the real thing. Not to say that the fetish aspect to a teenager wasn’t a frequent “fix”. Referring back to the majority group above and going back to the 1940s, CDs were indeed alone. As frequently noted we were alone in the universe and thought ourselves as some sort of perverts. You can, I’m sure, see why we had such a poor opinion of our own worth. I had a crush on a blond Swedish gal in school. For every Christmas I would leave a nice gift for her on the doorstep of her parent’s home without even a card identifying the sender. She was on a pedestal for years to come. That may appear to be at odds with those gals I did date but avoided anything beyond a peck on their cheeks. To sum up, I believe there is a common denominator for most — we were very confused or able to articulate our feelings.
Again, thank you all, it was illuminating.
Julie

[Athena_]

I don't think I would blame anything in particular. Mom was and is certainly strong willed. I would have to say that I was a fairly typical teen. Chased girls as long as I can remember, caught a few. Lost "it" at 15 with a 17 yr old. I was basically unsupervised by a parent for most of my teenage years, mom worked and dad was not in the picture. I continued to crossdress as a teen, even when in relationships. Borrowed a few items from girlfriends over the years (purged those items ages ago). I Married in my early 20's, and I have been happy in my Marriage. I am certain that a therapist could make a killing off of my issues looking for a reason why I enjoy crossdressing, but I am content to accept it.

[bimini1]

I was attracted to girls but was scared to death of them in middle and high school. I was not like my friends who boasted of their exploits with girls. They could have been lying some I guess but at the time they seemed to know what they were talking about. I never hardly ever approached them I wait and they would come express interest in me.

I was shy around other boys with the exception of an "inner circle" I hung with. But now put me in a room with girls and I'd talk your ear off. Some college roomates noticed this one night in a girl's dormitory and asked me why aren't you like that around us? I really could not answer that. I am fascinated that many CDs describe themselves a shy, introverted boys, yet I know very few real girls who identify like that. I think women just talk alot more than men. Maybe I felt more at ease with girls in that respect, hell, still do. I would go hang out with girls but really would not make a move to try and get in their pants. I never really "ran women" but always found myself in a relationship. I felt somehow threatened by girls who really "had it going on" and folks would always say 'you could do much better than her'.

Lost virginity at 15 shortly after my first nocturnal emission. I'm 49 now and I swear that girl still has a hold on me and I would not trust myself in the same room with her to this day. All the while I had been CDing regularly at 10. Looking back I wouldn't call it erotic but it was somehow breath-taking and exhilarating. Whenever I got with a new girlfriend I would swear off the CD.
Now I do not know how many sex partners the average male has, but I'd be willing to bet I am well below that average. I had sex with like, 3 girls all thru college.

I was embarrased on more than a few times with impotence issues, which left me asking what the hell is wrong with me? For christsakes I had opportunities with some of the 'finest' women on the campus only to not be able to perform. I'd be all ready to go during foreplay, especially if she was wearing something I liked. But once the clothes came off and it was time to get busy, I would fizzle as if on cue. Mentally it dogged me everytime I was with someone. That really devastated my confidence on many levels. I was a jock in college and isn't that what jocks are supposed to do? I was going looking for someone to blame for alot of my life. Then it dawned on me, blame must go, it must be excised somehow. I look back with regret on the one's that got away like that.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I married at 22 and that was when i had my first intercourse. Until then my crossdressing fantasies and my left hand were my only avenue for sexual release, I had a steady girl friend from freshman to junior year of high who dumped me because I would not have sex with her. I think it was a combination of fear and my catholic upbringing. I always loved to be around girls but more so because I like being with them when they dressed up. Always wished the clothes off their backs. I don't put any blame on anyone. It's just the way I was wired.

[Laura Collette]

I was a virgin till I was 20 and in college, but not because of CDing which I hadn't even thought of at that time. I was very shy; I sought sexual acceptance in college because I was so insecure about myself. One girlfriend who broke up with me said I would have to learn to love myself before I could truly love a woman, and although you could argue semantics about what she said, I only fell in real love after I found my own path in life. There were several lonely years when I had given up searching for "the right girl" because of a particularly painful rejection. But finally I found her, quite by accident, because we had the same interests and had become friends for several years before I reached out to her romantically. We've been married for over thirty years now and I treasure our relationship although it's no longer a sexual one. I find my sexual excitement through the same CDing I discovered and practiced during my lonely years. My crossdressing is very private now; I don't go out dressed, but I do go out underdressed. I think I've achieved a balance between my sexual needs and my emotional ones this way. Social mores channel us into some of the most creative acts -- as an artistic person I should discard the last shreds of guilt about crossdressing but haven't quite managed it yet.

[LeeAnne]

I was painfully shy and picked on frequently in high school, and college was a religious time for me so I remained celibate until I got married. We were both virgins and woefully inexperienced and the honeymoon was disastrous from a sexual point of view. I don't think we ever made much progress forward in the 19 years we were together. Once every two months was a real accomplishment. When I met my girlfriend (present, live-in girlfriend) we both realized we had something special: an openness and frankness that neither of us had ever had before. I think the this-is-sex-and-this-is-how-we-do-it nature of my marriage precluded experimentation and exploration, to the detriment of that marrige. Thus, with my current girlfriend it was only natural I was able to let LeeAnne come out from under wraps, given the accepting and accommodating nature of our relationship. As I have said to my gf many times, "where were you 30 years ago?" :)

[Taylor Ray]

Blame? I'm not sure where that fits in, but I did have a similar experience growing up.

Lots of physical intimacy from 15 to 20, but no actual "intercourse".

I believe that our "rather unique inclinations" are a blessing.

[Charla McBee]

While I most certainly did have a typical interest in girls and very much wanted a relationship, I've always had way too much respect for women to ever make a move. When I did have a great thing going at one point in high school, I actually threw it away while trying to impress my peers and looking forward to the ridiculous promise of being a stereotypical college frat boy, something I realized later I never really wanted. I actually turned down every single opportunity that came my way in college for those same reasons of respect, morality, and fear of possible consequences no matter how drunk I got.

I pinch myself every day now that I'm married to that one serious girlfriend I had back in high school. It only took us both about a decade to finally come around.

[Raychel]

I was never very good socially, for some up-bringing reasons that I won't go into here.
and for that reason I was never really that good talking to women or making friends at all.

The CD'ing was not really to blame for any of it, It really did not stop me at all from making
friends or getting dates, the other issues were the problem. this still haunts me to this day.
and I guess will till the day I die. :sad:

But I did meet a wonderful woman that would learn to live with all my quirks.
and here it is 26 years later and we are still together, So even thru it all, life is good,

Who do I blame, I do not blame anyone, Life is, what it is, I deal with it and try to be as happy as I can.

[karinels]

I remember telling my parents before I was 5 years old that I wanted to be a girl. All the years growing up, I would get caught wearing my moms or sisters clothes and got punished for it. I was told it was just a phase and I would grow out of it. During my teen years, I was very attracted to girls, but I think now it was more envy than lust. I was very shy and awkward, was bullied a bit at times, not very athletic, not a standout in class at all. The yearning to wear girl clothes varied over the years, but never went away. I was 18 when I first had sex and married that girl a short time later and only for a short time, lol. An accepting gf about 10 yrs ago supported my dressing, but that also opened the door to attraction of guys. I started realizing that I was wanting to experience a man and that secret led to that breakup. I have dressed more and more over the last few years at home, and about 2 years ago, finally met up with another cd and the rest is history. I know now how to be truely happy even though I cant be full time yet. Had I been more persistent as a child, and my parents more understanding, I may have been able to be me 30 years ago. It is what it is.

Girls were not the reason I was a bit of a late bloomer. That was all on me.

[sarahcsc]

Hi Julie,

I lost my virginity to my most recent ex girlfriend, and I was aged 27. I had many opportunities throughout my life starting at the age of 19 but nothing eventuated because I was always too shy or nervous. I wonder today if it had to do with my sexuality or rather personal issues but I think its both. I just thought that life was supposed to be "like that", where a guy gets together with a girl and something magical happens. And when it finally happened for me, although it was exciting, I thought it was more of luxury than a necessity. A recent study published (read it from BBC) showed that virgins are more unlikely to have intercourse the longer they put it off. Perhaps I put it off too long that I don't feel the need to do it anymore? I don't know.

One thing is for sure, I certainly feel sexiest when I'm feeling feminine but would ironically never allow myself to be with a man/woman under those circumstances. CDing to me is very intimate, much more intimate than sex. In other words, I'd have to feel very very safe with a person before I can let them see me dressed. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to feel as such with any of my ex-GFs.

[Elle1944]

OP may I ask which war? I was born during WW ll, but no memory of it, but I do remember Korea and I am a Vietnam Era Veteran, I served in Germany from 1963 to 65 of a 3 year hitch. And so many great responses and I certainly identify with those who started cd'ing very young. Late 1940's I was 4-5 years old. We lived, as a preschooler, down a dirt road and actually it was a "holler", you yell at the mountain and it yells back, LOL. We were the last house down this road surrounded by a huge apple orchard, 1,000's of acres of apples. Few neighbors, dad was a drunk, but mom split from him when I was 9. But before that my sister apparently wanted a sister to play with being 16 months older than I and she would dress me in one of her sun dress's and petticoats and pantie. We would play house, cut out paper dolls, collaring books, hop scotch, jump rope and dolls. Oh I had my own boy toys but would rather play with her and her things and her girlfriends. Learned to dance at a young age and much envied and chastised by other boys in grammar and high school when attending school dances, they were "wall flowers" I was on the dance floor. I had a paper route when I was about 12 until about 14, I would come home from school and change my clothes, but would wear my mom's garter belt and nylon stockings and a pair of her silky panties when I delivered newspapers on my route, the excitement of getting caught aroused me in a peculiar way, I suppose. At 14 I fully dressed in mom's clothes I didn't know why I had those, "I am different than other boys of my age feelings or thoughts, sort of like the round peg in the square hole", until at 14 years old. I dressed fully in mom's lingerie and dress and put on some makeup and her jewelry and perfume and probably the last time I could fit into her hi heel shoes. I saw myself in the mirror and realized I should have been born a girl, that was the feeling I had inside me all those years, I was free from the bondage of the first 14 years of my life, I remember turning on my sisters 45 record player and dancing to the latest Elvis hit "Jailhouse Rock", I danced through the house ever so free from the bondage I felt for the first 14 years of my life. I wanted to stay dressed like that until my mom came home, the excitement of getting caught and punished by her making me wear girly clothes and shoes and the fear of getting caught and beaten, the first of many wars and revolutions that occurred in my being. Needless to say I undressed and never said a word to her about it for the next 20 years or so. My desire of wanting to be a girl, it never came to be so true especially when I started High School. My dad would have liked me to play football, but the only spikes and padding I was interested in were spiked hi heel shoes and the padding in the shoulders of my mom's silky blouses and dresses. That day at 14 "all dressed up" changed my life forever.

In my grammar school years I envied my sister especially when mom took us shopping for school clothes. I marveled at the pretty girls dresses, petticoats, skirts, panties and shoes with the bows or flowers and the pretty patent leather so shiny, boys only wore tie shoes and came in 3 colors, brown, black, oxblood, that or black and white converse canvass sneakers, yuk. Even a shoe salesman once was shocked when he measured my feet, he said "he has feet shaped like a girls". My sister was envious of my natural wavy hair and my legs and soft skin. Even in the Army I was walking back to our bivouac area from a debriefing as a non commissioned officer (sergeant E5) after a war game of training from battalion headquarters. I lurked behind visiting the latrine. A voice behind hollered a name and since I was the only one in the immediate area I turned and said "wrong guy" he said to me "I thought you were sergeant so and so, he walks with a wiggle like a girl too", I just turned and smiled and kept on walking, you just can't hide it sometimes, what comes natural.

Blame anybody for my being a cd/tv, na, I knew at that very young age of 4 to 5 something was different.

My first hetero sexual experience with a girl, a lady, I was 22 years old, and just out of the Army. My first gay experience I was 24 and it was with another TV. I have had 3 such experiences only with "girls" of the transgender community and all were from my days while visiting NYC and Greenwich Village. I am not attracted to the manly athletic type hetero male and in fact attracted more to GG women, married 2 times in my life, both ex wives have passed on, and only 6 weeks apart last fall. My first wife and I had 3 beautiful children and I was entirely in their lives while they were growing up, I even remained a volunteer in our community serving on our First Aid Squad for over 25 years and as Captain and Chief Instructor for many of those years. My children have produced 6 beautiful grandchildren one of which is now in college on a football scholarship he won while in HS, he was a star point kicker kicking his longest field goal of 54 yds, I am so proud of him and my dad would have loved him.

[Mink]

I blame the government

:ph34r:

[Sally24]

I think there are many common traits of transgendered people. I grew up very shy and introverted. Did not date until college. Did not experience an orgasm til my second year of college. Lost my virginity at 23 with my present wife. Since I wasn't actively dressing, that didn't directly affect any of this. In biology it is very hard to change just one thing. I think whatever ultimately causes our brains to be trans also affects many of our personality traits.

[LilSissyStevie]

Through no fault of my own, I was sexually precocious. By the time I was 13 I'd done lots of sexual stuff but not penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex. The first time for me was when I was 13. The girl was 16. We were both patients in a mental hospital on an experimental co-ed unit. We snuck into a empty room and somehow accomplished the deed despite the fear of getting caught. It was awful. PIV sex has always been my least favorite kind. I seem to lack the instinct for it. To top it off, she felt so guilty she confessed the whole thing to the staff. Because I was the male, it was deemed to be all my fault!!!! I was exiled back to the boys only unit. The staff was angry at me for ruining their little co-ed experiment. What did they think was going to happen?

After I got out of there, I had lots of sex but never when I was not "under the influence." I needed drugs and alcohol to be around people especially girls and I had quite a different personality when I was using. By my late teens my addiction problems progressed so that I couldn't function any more. So I remained involuntarily celibate until I sobered up when I was 24. The first time I had sex after sobriety was the second time I ever had sex sober. Despite all this, I've always had somewhat low libido at least compared to the women I've been with. A lot of that has to do with the kind of sex I was getting. I didn't really like the male role and fantasized about being the female. I don't really blame anybody. It is what it is.

[Alice Torn]

I also blamr the Bilderbergers and the New World Order!!! Nyuk Nyuk.

[Claire Cook]

Hi Julie,

What a thoughtful thread, thanks so much for starting it. I relate to many of you who who responded. I was physically a late bloomer, and really naive about sex. Looking back, I see that there were times in high school and college when I could have lost my virginity, but for whatever reason it didn't happen -- either the girl wasn't right, or whatever. It wasn't until grad school that it happened, and then a couple of times with the first girl I got serious about. It wasn't until I met my life-mate and soul-mate there that it became right -- and good, and stayed that way.

I have no idea if my CD'ing or TG was involved. I don't know about others of you, but I had guys hit on me in both high school and college (my CD was totally in the closet) and if I was naive about sex with girls, I had no idea what gay sex was about -- at least until my best friend once asked me to "do him". I didn't (and still am totally heterosexual). I am convinced that I was born TG, and maybe folks picked on up that -- even if I had no idea about transgender at the time (but I knew I loved to get into my mother's things).

I'd like to think that sex for me just had to be with the right person.

[Janine cd]

I never had a real sexual encounter until a was married at age 25. My approach to girls and dating was rather haphazard. I think that my desire to crossdress crippled any relationship.

[MayaMe]

Well I'm in my the mid 30's and still a virgin. I have not really been noticed much, I am shy and introverted to the point that I have never gone on a date or even asked a girl out. I think my crossdressing plays a small part in that I am always hiding a large part of me and that I think there is no women that would love all of me. It may happen one day, but it won't happen if I don't get out there. So in the end my shyness and being introverted is the largest cause.