Vulnerability

[sabrinaedwards]

There was a thread sometime ago that I could not locate but mentioned being vulnerable while "dressed." I think that the vulnerability while cross dressing adds to the euphoria. I love being in high heels, wearing delicate hosiery, having my nails done, and having long hair. I love driving my sports car this way. I enjoy getting out of the car in a way that requires me to act sooo femininely. Is this a turn on for you also? I believe it is part of the emotional package.

[Confucius]

Your brain is hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. When you cross-dress your brain goes into action releasing a host of neurotransmitters which produce the sensations of well-being, pleasure, gratification and bonding associated with "contact with a female". These important neurotransmitters associated with sex include dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.

The sensations of euphoria is associated with dopamine. Dopamine is a very interesting and important in sex. It is the driver, it gives us compulsive behavior, the expectation of gratification, and pleasure. However if you do the same thing, over and over and over, well, it causes the brain to fatigue and release less dopamine. Of course you want to feel the rush of your earlier years, so you feel a need to escalate your cross-dressing and take greater risks. When you take greater risks you feel vulnerable, but that also means you are pushing your envelope, and that allows your brain to release more dopamine.

[Kate Simmons]

It's exciting being a woman at first and so on as new threshholds are reached. Over the years it tends to not be so exciting anymore just routine. This has a lot to do with brain chemistry as Confucius has said but it also has a lot to do with being who we are and our comfort level. Sometimes reaching our comfort level means being satisfied. It's not always going to be exciting but it can "feel right" even so. Take it from an old geezer who knows. ;):)

[Jaylyn]

Just think my brain enjoys wearing the clothes, heels, hose, and makeup. Love being vulnerable.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Trust me, this is not a feminine feeling. Women might feel vulnerable because we are often victims of violence. It's a horrible feeling to carry around. I don't think any woman anywhere would describe it as euphoric so this is very clearly a MALE feeling.

I really don't understand why this theme runs so heavy here?!?

[WhisperTV]

Tinkerbell, I've known women who enjoy feeling vulnerable to the point of getting off on it.

That doesn't mean they spend their time walking down dark allies hoping something terrible will happen. And I don't think the OP meant to imply that.

[Marcelle]

I thinks a predominant reason I dress in jeans is to ensure I can deal with things should they go south quickly. Dresses hinder my ability to defend (trialed in a mock attack with my wife who kicked my ass) as do heels. I have taught self defence to women for years and I can tell you, girly skirts and dresses are not conducive to defense. But I think you are talking more about the euphoric feeling of being dressed in a manner you see as feminine and I understand that. But to be honest I can feel just as girly in a pair of jeans or shorts as I can in a dress but less vulnerable.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sabrina, I sometimes will get in and out of the car like that I'm wearing a skirt.

[Beverley Sims]

I find it easy to hold my legs together when getting out of a low/sports car even in male mode.
Do it in slacks or jeans in female mode.
Much neater.

[Jenniferathome]

This is the thread I started: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?211505-quot-Do-you-feel-vulnerable-when-you-are-out-quot&highlight=Vulnerable

The point of the thread was not a positive, rather a commentary on how men and women are really quite different.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

But I think you are talking more about the euphoric feeling of being dressed in a manner you see as feminine and I understand that.



Well, that makes more sense to me than you all having a desire to be victimised! Believe me, living your whole life knowing that half the population can hurt you and you can't do much about it (other than invest in a weapon!) is not fun. Jennifer, your thread talks about that. Girls are usually raised to avoid finding themselves in a vulnerable situation and I don't think I'd ever get out of a car alone at night in a sexy outfit and feel safe. But I think maybe 'vulnerable' here means feminine?

I still think I should be insulted by all this 'femininity is weak' stuff but hey, you can't choose what turns you on now, can you. As Whisper mentioned, some women like this, too. I'd think for a woman though, that a fetish like this could end very badly if they're not careful.

Interesting discussion :)

[ReineD]

Well, that makes more sense to me than you all having a desire to be victimised!

Right. They're talking about sexual vulnerability, which women (and men) can also feel if they're into aspects of BDSM for example.

Trouble is, I think that some CDers mistake these euphoric feelings for feelings of femininity because dressing up does create euphoria (in some CDers). I know that a lot of members have, in the past, referred to the euphoric feelings as "feeling feminine".

But feeling feminine and having heightened feelings that border on arousal due to dressing and looking like a woman are two different things.

[Marcelle]

Well, that makes more sense to me than you all having a desire to be victimised! Believe me, living your whole life knowing that half the population can hurt you and you can't do much about it . . . I still think I should be insulted by all this 'femininity is weak' stuff but hey, you can't choose what turns you on now

Hey Tink,

I agree there is nothing exciting about feeling vulnerable and while women are apt to be victimized in their lives every one (including men) should have a healthy sense of caution. Heck, someone tried to mug me with a knife, in broad daylight, when I was visiting Brussels (hmm, never did get my waffle). All this to say, while men seem to think that their size, strength or whatever will get them by, fighting is never the best course of action unless you really have to and most times it goes bad.

Femininity weak . . . not likely. I have had the pleasure of knowing and sparring with many a female MMA fighters and they could kick my ass three ways to Sunday. I was talking to one of them last night and asked her if she felt vulnerable when out and about . . . her response was while she feels she could handle most situations, she still feels vulnerable when alone especially when she is dressed a bit more sexy (she carries pepper spray . . . just in case). In the end I am not what you would call a big guy or imposing figure of a man so when I am out "en boy" I walk with caution as you never really know.

Hugs

Isha

[Deedee Skyblue]

Your brain is hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female.

So, the whole crossdressing mystery is solved. No more questions about why! Hooray!

Deedee

[noeleena]

Hi,

So. Your brain is hard wired to interpret cross dressing as actual contact with a female.

And the person concerned is not a female let alone a woman, how strange how very strange,

okay i dont know how to answer that . so all i can say is if your not a born female how can or would you know, is it not more of a.... wont..... to aspect, or pink fog or a fantasy .

i do lots of dressing and could be classed as cross dressing depending on the school of thought, and those of us females who do are just that females, born females.

As for being vunerable. yes i am because im a woman and that goes back allmost 67 years, from birth, and even then i was as i'v said because of a man who would have killed us then. so yes i know what its like first hand,

...noeleena...

[MissTee]

There could be another dimension to the "vulnerability" mentioned that could be interpreted as "not so in control." For me, it is a refreshing brain break to completely hand the reins of control to my wife on occasion -- and especially when dressed -- and let her decide what's next. This could include what to wear, where to go, what to do, what to eat, etc. In this sense, then, it is a form of vulnerability with a high degree of trust infused such that one knows they will not be victimized, but rather guided.

Can't say why it's much easier for me to do that when dressed than when not. In any mode, though, I never allow myself to be vulnerable to a stranger or put in an unsafe situation.

[WhisperTV]

Right. They're talking about sexual vulnerability, which women (and men) can also feel if they're into aspects of BDSM for example.

Trouble is, I think that some CDers mistake these euphoric feelings for feelings of femininity because dressing up does create euphoria (in some CDers). I know that a lot of members have, in the past, referred to the euphoric feelings as "feeling feminine".

But feeling feminine and having heightened feelings that border on arousal due to dressing and looking like a woman are two different things.
It goes back to labeling emotions. Some are labeled male, some female, even though we know the emotions aren't limited to males or females.

The feeling of vulnerability is generally labeled female. "Damsel in distress", a women tied to the railroad tracks, fairly common images of women being vulnerable. The knight in shinning armor, the hero saving the day, fairly common images of men being strong. Not very confusing.

The only confusion I'm seeing here is folks confusing someone talking about role playing for talking about what it means to be female in real life.

[Kate Simmons]

Personally, I feel more empowered when en femme rather than feeling like a potential victim. It varies with individuals but I think the reason I feel this way is because I'm in touch with all of my feelings and know who I am and where I'm going.I don't look at women as being weak and vulnerable anyway. Anyone who can carry a child for 9 months is one tough cookie in my book. If difficulties would arise, I would have no problem invoking Rich's muscles if need be.It's mostly mindset and perception the way I see it.:)

[Katey888]

Sabrina - you mention acting femininely as contributing to the euphoria... I can get this with respect to just trying to disguise my maleness in movement and posture and how much that contributes to the overall visual effect, and I have got in and out of a car with high heels on so I know that it takes a bit of extra care anyway, unless you really want to sprawl in the gutter (and yes, some of us are there already, metaphorically... ;)) And that's why I think this is a very relevant part of this discussion...

The only confusion I'm seeing here is folks confusing someone talking about role playing for talking about what it means to be female in real life.
I'd suggest this is a confusion - I've been in urban environments coppers feel vulnerable in, never mind male or female - could it be the euphoria partly comes from being someone or something you're not?

You know and nobody else does? (Unless they look closely, and then you hope they're taken with a shapely pair of legs stepping delicately from a sexy sports car rather than clocking one of those giveaway signs?)
And in this context, perhaps the feeling of vulnerability you speak of - and I think we all feel in a way - is the vulnerability of being found out? Of being 'read'...? Because now you've been spotted for the impostor you are (in presentation terms and in the muggles world view..) - and that knowledge makes you vulnerable...?

I think I could feel that when out - heck, I feel a little like that in my own garden... ;)

Just rambling and thinking... :)

Katey x

[WhisperTV]

I'd suggest this is a confusion - I've been in urban environments coppers feel vulnerable in, never mind male or female - could it be the euphoria partly comes from being someone or something you're not?

I think there are lots of reasons to feel vulnerable, in real life and play, for men and women. I was just pointing out that the OP was not trying to describe what it feels like to be a biological woman. He was talking about role playing.

But yeah, even though I'm not out and have only been doing this for a few months, I've already been caught. And yes, it was a rush. I also understand the kind of vulnerability MissTee was talking about, from both sides, and it's a rush too.

[AnneC]

Since I have never gone out in public, I haven't felt vulnerable. But I have felt excited by just being dressed and the fear of someone finding out. Different kinds of vulnerable I guess.

[celeste26]

Being vulnerable=risky behavior. Whatever type of behavior it might be, the high produced is well known.

There are far too many forms of risky behavior to catalog. Are we going to add CDing to that list?

[bridget thronton]

When I am out feeling vulnerable is not at all fun - and yes it is cuz i feel someone might be planning me harm (regardless of how I am dressed - when I go home after teaching at 9pm there are very few cars around)

[shawnsheila]

I remember the first few times going out in public how much of a rush it was, both feeling vulnerable, scared and thrilled. After going out often enough, my fear level has dropped and I feel like a regular gal (which is still very nice) but I do miss the rush I felt when first going out in girl mode. I still feel weird when speaking with men or male clerks when I am in girl mode but I feel very at home and comfortable speaking and interacting with women. This next trip to California I take in two weeks, I'm planning to be in girl mode the full time for both my conference and out and about. I am excited about that :)

As for safety, I am more aware of my surroundings and pay attention to peoples body language more then in male mode. I too am an instructor of martial arts and have been in quite a few scuffles in the past where i feel confident i can hold my own if my only option is to defend myself but i would rather not be in that situation to begin with (fighting in a dress an heels is not very practical either). Just be cautious and don't be afraid to scream for help.

[Donna June]

Driving my car one time while dressed going nowhere in particular. A big pickup truck was tailgating. I never give "the finger" but I threw my hand in the air kind of like saying back off. That little gesture caused what looked like some big macho guy to get even closer and follow me for miles. I got away by going through a red light. I was scared and quite shaken up afterwards. I realized then what Tinkerbell said about knowing half the population can hurt you and you can't do much about it. At a whopping 127 lbs. I knew I wouldn't stand much of a chance if this guy got violent. I understand what Sabrina means about feeling vulnerable, but this type of vulnerability is not fun.

[Lorileah]

Don't confuse a sexual fetish or lifestyle with actual life. Wanting to feel vulnerable would involve having some control over that especially when used for sexual purposes. Actually being vulnerable is totally different. Also don't confuse submissive behavior with being vulnerable. Any situation where you don't have control, you are vulnerable. If you go car shopping without checking the cars out before hand, prices etc. You are vulnerable to the salesperson. That is not life threatening. However, on a daily basis, just as a matter of presentation (and for most GG's) you are more vulnerable just because someone sees you as a target. Any TG who goes into a situation where they have not done the research is vulnerable. Trust me, I learned this and luckily it wasn't a life or death situation.

[ReineD]

Don't confuse a sexual fetish or lifestyle with actual life.

Right. There are three types of vulnerability that I can immediately think of:

1. The fun type of vulnerability mentioned by the OP, felt by people who willingly place themselves in situations where there is no real danger. It can be particularly thrilling when there is a willing exchange of power and both men and women can place themselves in these situations, for example a Dom/Sub arrangement. Just about any sexual fetish brings with it some loss of control that the participants willingly engage in.

2. Unwilling vulnerability to real life dangers to health, life, property, or environment (that both men and women can feel). This is Not just a female emotion. Men can feel real fear over some circumstances too.

3. Emotional vulnerability: opening oneself emotionally so someone else, so they see our true selves. This is not sexual and in many instances can be frightening because there is a perceived risk of rejection.

I think a lot of people primarily think of just one type of vulnerability and so there are lots of tangents to the topic.

[suchacutie]

The sources of vulnerability when we are presenting as our feminine selves can vary with our circumstance.

For those who are completely in the closet, that passing of that knowledge to anyone could generate a massive mental vulnerability.

For those who are not out to their spouses, any time dressed is a potential vulnerability.

For those who share their femme selves with their spouses, but not anyone else, there is not only the personal vulnerability but the shared vulnerability of the impact on one's spouse of being outed to otheres.

Then there is the vulnerability of being outside the confines of one's home, with all the negativity that can be thrown our way by those who feel we are not savory individuals (job, status, physical harm, etc).

Then there is the vulnerability of our internal view...acceptance vs. self-loathing, etc.

I'm sure the list could go on and on, specific to our own fears/situations. It again shows that we do not take our lifestyles lightly, and are completely committed to the duality that we need in our lives, regardless of our potential vulnerabilities.

be safe!

[arbon]

I have had some uncomfortable experiences the last few years living as a woman, one of those experiences was especially scary.

- there is the vulnerability I can feel because of being trans and rather out in the open in that regard. But I have a much greater feeling of vulnerability as a woman. Sometimes they come together - in the one instance when I got really scared by two guys that were not backing off there was the added fear of them realizing I was trans and what else they would do because of that. But that they were so focused on me and saying what they were saying that night my trust in men went way way down!

Some guys are real creeps, and dangerous, and target women. When you are the focus of their attention - yikes! it's no fun at all

When I was living as a guy I would hear the way some guys would talk and see how they treated woman. But it was not directed at me so it was hard to truly understand how women could feel. Now I get it, I've been on the receiving end of that and it really changes perspective.

Even just a simple day out with a friend this last weekend reminded me how careful I need to be now after one dirt bag harassed us and another called us "bitches" for no reason as we were walking up the street. When I was living as a guy that sort of stuff did not happen. So as a woman always got to me more on guard and aware.

But its not any kind of turn on!

[Michelle789]

Vulnerability can come from the three sources that Reine talked about, and can be either about being a woman or about being trans. Last night, I got home at 2:30 am after hanging out with a Wednesday night support group that I normally don't go to because I have work, but being off work this week, I drove to Torrance and went to the support group and out to dinner afterwards. When I got back home, I noticed my neighbor, call her ST, was sitting in her car as I drove in. Her parking spot is across from mine separated by the main driveway. Although I only see her occasionally, and this was the first time while dressed as a girl, I notice she has a habit of sitting in her car for long amounts of time when going in or out, like she is a cop staking out the area. I had a feeling this might be trouble, at least emotionally for me, since I never told her I was trans, but she knows I park in my spot and knows what my car looks like.

So when I got out, she starts yelling "hey, hey." I just ignored her and walked on. As I started walking up the stairs to my apartment, which is a bit of a walk from the parking lot, I hear her yelling "hey, hey" again. I didn't look back and just walked inside my apartment. I could tell by her voice that she had gotten out of her car and was following me.

It really freaked me out because I felt I had been clocked by my neighbor, but more so her aggressive attitude towards it. I have been spotted while en femme by many neighbors by now, many whom I have said "hi" to while dressed as a guy, both male and female neighbors, and not a single one said anything. I think I got a couple of gentle "hi" or "hello" and yeah a guy once stared at me, but getting stared at is a normal part of being a woman. But this girl, ST, was very aggressive about it. Even my young male neighbors were more gentle about their approaches. Like I said, for the most part the neighbors don't care. But I was really freaked out by ST's behavior. I'm not totally surprised by this, because I have noticed her to be very aggressive in the past. I once even told her, while dressed as a guy, that I thought she was a guy in a past life, and she agreed with that too.

Sometimes women can be aggressive too. They can be jealous of us if we're seen as prettier or better dressed than them. They might be clocking us. I think in this case because she recognized my car and my parking spot, I was being clocked and she was wondering WTF. I'm not that concerned about her knowing I'm trans, or even figuring out it was me; I'm concerned about her aggressive behavior and getting out of the car and following me. This was REALLY CREEPY. I want to make this clear for anyone who tells me to grow a thick skin, because I'm working on it!!!

P.S. I guess now she knows I'm trans.

Edit: ST is someone who I have been "friends" with before, our relationship was more than just "hi" and "bye" like with most other neighbors.

She is different from the girl who I came out to three weeks ago, who no longer lives in my building.

[sabrinaedwards]

Hi Tinkerbell, thanks for your response and your insight. Perhaps vulnerability was a bad choice of words. The feeling I'm talking about is similar to going skiing on a black diamond hill. There is fear but exhilaration. That's what I feel when I present myself as a women. This is not a sexual feeling but something else.

[Jane P]

I hate feeling vulnerable ,I think that is why I kept myself closed off to my wife for so long. There was no way I was going to open up my " weakness " to anybody. I was not about to expose myself and risk feeling worse about myself and also risk her feeling worse about herself because of me.

I do not speak of the physical vulnerability , but the emotional vulnerability of being outside the norms of societal acceptance. Until very recently , any time I tried to reveal anything about my feminine self was met with enough resistance that I would continue on in denial that it even exists.

Having opened up recently to my wife has made me feel vulnerable in a brand new way . Even though she has known about this part of me for years , it had never been discussed , and now that it has , however briefly, I am now of mixed feelings. I am partly glad that it is out in the open again , but also have the fear of being alone .

This probably isn't the kind of vulnerability anyone was getting at but I have been stuck in my head since reading this thread.

[Eryn]

I never want to feel vulnerable in public! That's fear and fear isn't fun! If I'm going out wearing something that restricts my mobility I make very sure that the places I go are safe for that activity.

Rather than vulnerability, what I do get from being out dressed is some respite from the male responsibility to be in control of every situation that comes along. In male mode I change flat tires, in female mode I'd be more prone to call AAA. I can be pretty because I don't have to be ready for any eventuality.

[tina99]

.
I could also arrange a lawsuit for Sexual Harassment.

I am a transsexual woman and am just happy being my true self, as I have been for 12 years.

I don't want some prejudiced thug coming up and bothering me :Angry3: .

[ReineD]

Perhaps vulnerability was a bad choice of words. The feeling I'm talking about is similar to going skiing on a black diamond hill. There is fear but exhilaration. That's what I feel when I present myself as a women. This is not a sexual feeling but something else.

Sabrina, you're referring to risk-taking behavior. People feel it when they ski on black diamonds, as you say, or when they jump out of airplanes. Some crossdressers feel it when they crossdress. There's the risk of being found out, or for some CDers it's about a power exchange (the CDers who fantasize about forced feminization).

Risk-taking behaviors release endorphins in your brain that cause your feelings of euphoria. It's not necessarily sexual, but endorphins are the same neurotransmitors released during sex. And for some people although not all, seeking the high that results from the release of endorphins can become addictive. The point is, you engage in seeking this high willingly because it makes you feel good, and there may be a build up that eventually does cause a sexual release, even if it is not every time. I dare say that crossdressing makes every crossdresser feel good, even if they don't recognize it as thrilling. The thrill itself does wear off after a period of time, according to what many of the CDers in this forum say, but what remains is a sense of comfort.

[sabrinaedwards]

Jennifer, this is not the threat that I alluded to. The thread that I am referencing discussed the crossdressing and its relationship to being delicate.

[sabrinaedwards]

ReineD, I think you captured how I feel. When I go out crossdressed I am taking a big risk. My life as I know it could be over. That is the thrill for me. I took a chance and I beat the odds.

[GenieGirl]

I felt vulnerable at first....very nerve racking to go on in a dress an heels as a guy and applaud all of you that have taken that step. Takes real courage to someday do that indeed in the society we live in that has not come to completely accept it yet. Once I got used to going out, it rarely fases me anymore...If anyone was to talk shit to me about being out in drag I would just smile and talk shit back....not that it has happened yet and hopefully I never had that problem. I have only received compliments from women and a few gay men who have told me I should do drag and would make the other girls look bad??? Sorry but I am no performer and can't dance so um...that's a big no lol.

BTW, I have a sports car too...2010 370z Monterrey Blue w/t Sports Package, 6 speed manual...hell to drive with heels on!!!....what you got Sabrina???>.....maybe we can "DRAG" race someday haha..with or without the heels!!!...kidding...or am I ;)

Erin, In the event of flat tires or any other breakdown I keep a well equipped tool kit behind my back seat compartment (2 seater car) for emergencies!!! oh and you should see my Kobalt flashlight its nice and shinny and has magnets of all sorts and can stick to things and bend in all directions....just like that one girl in that video ;)....and of course im talking about that contortionist girl you sillies not Pamela Anderson.... :D

[tina99]

.
I just knew that I was really a female inside, and I like(d) being the real me. I hated playing male.

I deported the old me. He's now living in Siberia :) .

I've known I was transsexual since I was 9 years old, have dressed female off and on since then, and transitioned 12 years ago.

I transitioned when I did because I could no longer be fired or evicted. I have never been married.

[GenieGirl]

Congrats to you Tina. I'm at that point in my life of debating the transitioning thing....I might be ok if I did it at my current job but I dont plan to stay there long term anyways and am looking for something better. I think once I get to that next better job Iwill start the process.....my gf is up and down about it as she has her won issues with sexuality and thinking she is a lesbia...which i think she is just bi.....complicated situation thee....so anyways trying to move and find anything engineering that I could probably transition into....

Ginger.

PS congrats! I'm sure the past 12 years have been the greatest for you or at least I hope so!!!

Ginger

[tina99]

.
And Medicaid is paying for it.

I have an intake with Toby Meltzer in Arizona in August.

I can hardly wait to bail out of this messed up country and move back to Latin America. I lived in Guadalajara, Mexico for a year and a half and I loved it. I came back to America only because I had to.

Two more long years. My transition will be complete, and I will be GONE :D .

[tina99]

.
No one else knew, but I've known I was transsexual girl since I was 9 years old.

I transitioned 12 years ago.

[sometimes_miss]

Your brain is hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female.
Doesn't apply to everyone. Interesting concept, though.