We had the talk last night

[AprilMae]

My S/O and I finally had time to sit down and talk about this whole business since she found out last week. Of course first questions:

"Do you want to become a woman?" No
"Are you gay?." No
"Do you want to be with a man while dressed up?" I admitt`ed that I have had fantasies about it but never acted on it, and probably never would.
"Do you want to dress like that all the time?" No
"How often do you do it?" When the mood strikes me, sometimes days in between.
"Do you wear all the makeup and stuff?" Not yet but I would like to try it. A little resistance here, I cant blame her. We'll see.
"Do you go to any of the websites, to look at pictures?" Yes
"Do you like them?" Yes some times. I like seeing how they dress and do their makeup. And sometimes the really pretty ones are exciting. She agreed. She did some homework obviously.
"Are you gonna be more girly now? I don't want a lesbiam type relationship." I assured her that my demeanor doesn't change much when I'm dressed. I'm not a macho type to begin with..she's seen me cry at certain times, and we've often joked that I am sometimes more feminine than she is.
"Are you in some online romance or anyhing like that" No.
"You don't have a Girl's name, do you?" Whoops..had to fudge a bit here. But since I didn't until I registered here I fibbed. No. will work on that one too.
Basically she wanted to know that the same person is still here and that she is not gonna come home to a girl everynight. Maybe sometimes..but she still needs the scruffy guy in the Grungy sweats and baseball cap. I assured her that he will still be here and will be around as much as he wants.

Not a bad start, we talked a bit about when and how often she wants to see this, and she has even admitted some gender reversing fantasies of her own in the bedroom as well as taking a more dominant role at times which is another thing I wanted to explore with her. So we shall see. I'll keep you posted if you like.

[Sarahgurl371]

Good luck to you both!

[Joanne08]

Hi AprilMae,

What a conversation. Having recently been in the same situation, you're making tremdous progress with you relationship. Best of luck to you and your wife.

Love, Jo

[Ms. Donna]

Hi April,

Sounds like a good start. My best to you both!

Love & Stuff,
Donna

(BTW, Great avatar - I've always thought Lt. Ellis was totally hot! :) )

[RenaCD]

April it sounds like you are off to a real good start. And your talking to a wonderful person with an open mind, Treat her with love and respect and hopefully thats what you will get in return.
Your Both in our Thoughts

Big Huggs Rena

[LisaRaye]

I wish you both the best of luck. have fun:clap:

[TGMarla]

Well, it's a start. Not a bad one, either. This could have gone way worse for you. So good luck and please let us know how it all falls out. (No, not your hair....!)

[Holly]

April, you're on your way. Keep yourself informed so that you can be ready to answer her questions truthfully. Offer to help her research as you may need to guide her away from some of the seeder websites that distort crossdressing into something that is only sexual in nature. There's a wonderful support group here for GG's seeking knowledge and support. Hopefully your wife might be interested in that as well. Please do let us know how things progress.

[jamie_44]

It is very good that there is communication. The road can be a little bumpy but we Cder's must look at it from their view. Keep talking and have patience with each other and most important LOVE each other!

[Missy Anne's GG]

That's great April! Sounds like she's pretty open-minded about this. We'll be waiting for updates!

Hugs,

Missy Anne's GG

[AprilMae]

Thanks for all the support. We went shopping today and it took on a new dimension. iIwas much more vocal and critical in her choices and showed her what I would buy for myself . I also told her how when we were on Vacation last month and were in a shoe outlet, i wanted about 5 pair of shoes I saw there, besides the 3 pair of men's shoes I bought. She probably won't want to go as far as I might want with her, but I will be able to do some things in the open, like shaving and polishing my toenails, which she is willing to help me do. Give and take and that's fine with me. I told her the frequency won't increase much, just the timing may change..or no more running to change when she gets home. We'll see.

[DonnaT]

Congratulations April.

I reckon she'll let you know when too much is too much, like my wife does.

You might want to ask her to call you April, if you take her up on the gender reversal in the bedroom, to get the name out in the open.

[Nikki Dee]

Hi. April...I think that's pretty good start don't you.??...there are thousands of girls out there that wish things could go half that well for them.!!,,good for you love...hope it all continues well for you both....enjoy.
Love nikki. x

[Tracy Lynn]

Good luck April. Sounds like your off to a good start.

[Kieron Andrew]

You might want to ask her to call you April, if you take her up on the gender reversal in the bedroom, to get the name out in the open. I Think thats a great idea.....if shes willing to try the gender reversal thing in the bedroom you need a femme name....right???

[kristine239]

yes, it may be time for you BOTH to consider attending a conference like www.ifge.org/convention. Here you will find great friends both for you and your SO as well as a lot of professionally run workshops presented by many healthcare professionals that will share experiences from a wide spectrum of CDing. It has always been a wonderful experience for all "first times" and "old timers" both CD's and SO's. Hope you can make it.

Love Kristine

[Marla GG]

Sounds good April. She asked all the usual questions and didn't completely freak out, so I'd call that a success! :thumbsup:

Now just remember not to run before you can walk.....give her plenty of time to get used to the idea, read up on it (you are right, it sounds like maybe she has already done some homework), and decide how much she can handle. If she starts to feel threatened or overwhelmed, it will take you both that much longer to get to a place where she trusts you and you are both comfortable.



We went shopping today and it took on a new dimension. iIwas much more vocal and critical in her choices and showed her what I would buy for myself .

Woo careful! Maybe it was just your choice of words here, but being critical of her clothing choices isn't exactly going to win her over. Remember, she still needs to feel like the woman in the relationship, so try to avoid encroaching on what she probably sees as her territory until you know she is comfortable with it.

And yes, please do keep us posted.

[Tina Dixon]

Well good for you, no more sneaking around, just wait till the two of you go shopping;)

[paulaN]

I'd say that was a complete success. keep on gurlen. remember don't push things too fast. remember we're all pullen for ya.

[Raychel]

Congratulations on the talk. Communication is good. I hope that all works out the best for you.

[Shelly Preston]

Well done

You seem to be over the first hurdle but there will be more questions.

I wish you both the best of luck.

[Fallen Angel]

I bet thats a big lift off your shoulders and i wish the both of you great luv and thoughts on this new road

[Ivana]

This is Ivana. Remember me? I'm very sorry to hear about the unfortunate rough understanding between you and your wife. I sincerely hope everything becomes rectified after a while. Best wishes.

Ivana
Berkeley


My S/O and I finally had time to sit down and talk about this whole business since she found out last week. Of course first questions:

"Do you want to become a woman?" No
"Are you gay?." No
"Do you want to be with a man while dressed up?" I admitt`ed that I have had fantasies about it but never acted on it, and probably never would.
"Do you want to dress like that all the time?" No
"How often do you do it?" When the mood strikes me, sometimes days in between.
"Do you wear all the makeup and stuff?" Not yet but I would like to try it. A little resistance here, I cant blame her. We'll see.
"Do you go to any of the websites, to look at pictures?" Yes
"Do you like them?" Yes some times. I like seeing how they dress and do their makeup. And sometimes the really pretty ones are exciting. She agreed. She did some homework obviously.
"Are you gonna be more girly now? I don't want a lesbiam type relationship." I assured her that my demeanor doesn't change much when I'm dressed. I'm not a macho type to begin with..she's seen me cry at certain times, and we've often joked that I am sometimes more feminine than she is.
"Are you in some online romance or anyhing like that" No.
"You don't have a Girl's name, do you?" Whoops..had to fudge a bit here. But since I didn't until I registered here I fibbed. No. will work on that one too.
Basically she wanted to know that the same person is still here and that she is not gonna come home to a girl everynight. Maybe sometimes..but she still needs the scruffy guy in the Grungy sweats and baseball cap. I assured her that he will still be here and will be around as much as he wants.

Not a bad start, we talked a bit about when and how often she wants to see this, and she has even admitted some gender reversing fantasies of her own in the bedroom as well as taking a more dominant role at times which is another thing I wanted to explore with her. So we shall see. I'll keep you posted if you like.

[AprilMae]

Thanks for all the replies. Marla your insight is especially valuable for obvious reasons.

Woo careful! Maybe it was just your choice of words here, but being critical of her clothing choices isn't exactly going to win her over. Remember, she still needs to feel like the woman in the relationship, so try to avoid encroaching on what she probably sees as her territory until you know she is comfortable with it.


A poor choice of words on my part. I meant to imply that I was more forthcoming in opinions, beyond the usual male "It looks nice, whatever you like is fine dear". I was more like" Why not a pullover instead of a buttondown with those pants, or a longer skirt would be better, or this fabric or color over that one. Stuff like that. And when she actually asked me in the shoe dept, "Would you wear these"? and I said, no, she actaully agreed,and bought a pair I told her I would buy. And the saga continues........

[maid phylis]

dear apr;) :thumbsdn: il .hello dear ,and way to go girl.for me it took a very long time before i told my wife and i am so glad that i did it as it opened more doors for me to pass through and now i am a member of one of the best cd groups in my part of the world .its crossdressers int and i am so happy to be a member of this great group. love phylisanne

[pauleen]

April,
you took the hardest leap in your relationship,and now your on the right track, good for you and your wife no more hiding . just take it slow from here on out dont flood her with your c/ding til she gets used to the idea,and she gets more info . if she truly loves you she will accept you for you no matter what you have on . good luck my prayers are with you and your wife best of luck.
hugg,s pauleen

[Shelby]

After reading many postings about wives either slowly excepting or plain supporting your choices, I think its wonderful. Imagine how much closer couples will become. The reversal is kinda kinky in a cool way, always been a fantesy of mine. Being able to shop with your spouse and her asking for a more honest opinion that what typical guys answers tend to be is refreshing. The likely hood of me further pursuing a CD lifestyle will most likely increase and if it does and I ever get into a relationship, I hope I find someone as open-minded and willing to participate in my lifestyle rather then oppose it.

[AprilMae]

It's funny that since we talked initially, I haven't had the time or even much of a desire to dress, save for wearing pantyhose undernearh on a couple of really cold days. I am actually a bit more reticent about her seeing me than she is, as this having been such a private place for 30 years. She seems pretty well adjusted to the whole thing already, yesterday morning as she was dressing for work, I was trying to go back to sleep as I am on swing shift this month, she asked very matter of factly, "Do you have my black lace panties"? I didn't of course, as I told her I never touched her clothes save for trying on her shoes, and her goodwill donations, some of which wound up back in my closet mysteriously.

[sandy_folsom]

April,
From the sounds of it, it looks like your wife gained a girlfriend when you had the talk. Going shopping with her and helping her pick out clothes and shoes is a bonus for her.

[Sierra Evon]

HI , it sounds to me like your talk went well, Im happy for you. Kudos""

[Melanie R]

April,

You may want to place yourself in your wife's hands. Let her come up with your feminine name. Perhaps she will help with your makeup, buying your clothes and telling you what she likes and does not like related to your femme clothing and activities. You in your femme self become her creation. This has worked for many CD's who we know and perhaps can work for you. Just go slow and let her determine for herself what she is willing to accept and support.

Hugs,

Melanie

[appollonia]

hi!
love your line. my mom wanted me to find a nice girl so i became one. i also
wonder if i should let my mom know my wife hates appollonia. but she enjoys my choosing her outfits.
appollonia

[Amanda420]

Wow, your situation mirriors my own almost to the tee! However my wife was not all that understanding. Its comforting to know that others have shared exact experiences.



My S/O and I finally had time to sit down and talk about this whole business since she found out last week. Of course first questions:

"Do you want to become a woman?" No
"Are you gay?." No
"Do you want to be with a man while dressed up?" I admitt`ed that I have had fantasies about it but never acted on it, and probably never would.
"Do you want to dress like that all the time?" No
"How often do you do it?" When the mood strikes me, sometimes days in between.
"Do you wear all the makeup and stuff?" Not yet but I would like to try it. A little resistance here, I cant blame her. We'll see.
"Do you go to any of the websites, to look at pictures?" Yes
"Do you like them?" Yes some times. I like seeing how they dress and do their makeup. And sometimes the really pretty ones are exciting. She agreed. She did some homework obviously.
"Are you gonna be more girly now? I don't want a lesbiam type relationship." I assured her that my demeanor doesn't change much when I'm dressed. I'm not a macho type to begin with..she's seen me cry at certain times, and we've often joked that I am sometimes more feminine than she is.
"Are you in some online romance or anyhing like that" No.
"You don't have a Girl's name, do you?" Whoops..had to fudge a bit here. But since I didn't until I registered here I fibbed. No. will work on that one too.
Basically she wanted to know that the same person is still here and that she is not gonna come home to a girl everynight. Maybe sometimes..but she still needs the scruffy guy in the Grungy sweats and baseball cap. I assured her that he will still be here and will be around as much as he wants.

Not a bad start, we talked a bit about when and how often she wants to see this, and she has even admitted some gender reversing fantasies of her own in the bedroom as well as taking a more dominant role at times which is another thing I wanted to explore with her. So we shall see. I'll keep you posted if you like.

[AprilMae]

April,

You may want to place yourself in your wife's hands. Let her come up with your feminine name. Perhaps she will help with your makeup, buying your clothes and telling you what she likes and does not like related to your femme clothing and activities. You in your femme self become her creation. This has worked for many CD's who we know and perhaps can work for you. Just go slow and let her determine for herself what she is willing to accept and support.

Hugs,

Melanie

Thanks Mel. Right now she is kinda stepping back, so i am not gona push her. Due to differing schedules I have 1 or 2 days a week when I have the house to myself to indulge. I don't know if she will ever want to participate, but she doesn't mind what I do by myself , as long as she knows I am not carrying on with someone else or plan on going too far.

Hello Apollonia. Amanda, I'm sorry things didn't go as smoothly for you. Maybe in time.


HI , it sounds to me like your talk went well, Im happy for you. Kudos""
Nice to meet another Space Cadet.

Thanks to all who have replied, I may have been a bit remiss in acknowledging all of you.

[Dayna]

Baby steps, AprilMae (OctoberNovember does not have the same 'ring' to it...)!

Keep the dialogue open, be there to answer all of her questions honestly, and don't rush it--make sure she always knows that you are the guy she fell in love with, no matter what you might be wearing!

[AprilMae]

Baby steps, AprilMae (OctoberNovember does not have the same 'ring' to it...)!

Keep the dialogue open, be there to answer all of her questions honestly, and don't rush it--make sure she always knows that you are the guy she fell in love with, no matter what you might be wearing!:thumbsup:

[karen fox]

Hi. April...I think that's pretty good start don't you.??...there are thousands of girls out there that wish things could go half that well for them.!!,,good for you love...hope it all continues well for you both....enjoy.
Love nikki. x

ABSOL-PIGGIN-LUTELY! Well said & well done for telling your wife!

[AprilMae]

ABSOL-PIGGIN-LUTELY! Well said & well done for telling your wife!

She gets the kudos. She was the one who stumbled across my stuff. I just owned up to it.

[Sierra Evon]

love to read your posts, my ex, was never that understanding to me she told me just before my divorse in 2000, you can shop like a banshee, and have a little vally girl attitude, I was like whatever , 11 yrs. of of marriage , I dont care I'm 100 times happier anywho,soo,Aprilmae glad your S/O is taking you well, communication is always key,,take it slow,wish you all the best, see-ya

[AprilMae]

Tonight before I left for work we discused some weekend plans. Friday we are going to see Tom Jones. I joked about her throwing panties at him and suggested maybe a pair of mine. We won't seee each other on Saturday, but for sunday she suggested I show her some of my wardrobe. She has been doing a little more reasearch on this and is getting more comfortble with it. I'm actually a bit aprrehensive. This has always been a private thing for me, and I don't know how I fell about showing it even to her. I told her I will think about it.

[MsEva]

Congratulations on your dialogue April. So happy things went better than expected. She sounds like a really nice girl. You have a winner there..keep her happy.

[Dayna]

Tonight before I left for work we discused some weekend plans. Friday we are going to see Tom Jones. I joked about her throwing panties at him and suggested maybe a pair of mine. We won't seee each other on Saturday, but for sunday she suggested I show her some of my wardrobe. She has been doing a little more reasearch on this and is getting more comfortble with it. I'm actually a bit aprrehensive. This has always been a private thing for me, and I don't know how I fell about showing it even to her. I told her I will think about it.

Can't tell you how happy we are for you April!

When I revealed myself to my wife many years ago, I sat her on the couch, ran into the bedroom, and came out wearing one of her two-sizes-too small teddies...she giggled...I ran back and put on another...and she giggled...then a third (she was into teddies back then), and then some white 'hose...she stopped giggling. She had had enough, and she let me know it. I had made a fool of myself, stretched out her intimate apparel, and left her more confused then I could have possibly imagined. Took years to recover from that fiasco...if only I had known then what I know today!

If I had the chance to do it over (the chance that you seem to have now--in other words, if I were you) I would carefully lay out ALL of my clothes on the bed and allow her to look at everything collectively. Then, I would step back and let her take it in...let her talk first. Hopefully, she will offer some sort of critique, and then you might let her know what kind of things are on your wish list. If she wants you to 'model' any of your clothes, let that be her call.

Your journey together is certainly off to a great start!!