Wanted ! Ways to distract my mind from CD thoughts

[jessica wai]

I have stopped crossdressing for nearly 2 years now.
Still, I have thoughts to crossdress DAILY.
I think about it as soon as I wake up. Such thoughts just keep recurring throughout the day. Almost daily, I visit CD and Tgirl websites and these give me some respite.

I have grown a moustache and a beard. This is the way I keep myself from CD acts.
It is working well.

However, I just cannot distract my mind from CD thoughts.

Any tips and experiences to share ?

N.B. Sorry for asking this question in a forum that is mainly for sharing the joy of CD. I agree that CD is a part of me and should be celebrated. However, I hope other girls know that each person has his/her own circumstances and might not allow CD in his/her life for such unique reasons.

[Kate Simmons]

The obvious answer from me is to work on making it a conscious choice rather than having it remain a compulsion. That is accomplished by really getting to know yourself and taking ownership of your feelings and no longer being ashamed or afraid of them. This puts you at the helm and not the process(of CDing). It takes work, however, and doesn't happen over night. Good luck. :)

[Princess Grandpa]

Hug

I fear I have no answer to your question. I just felt the need to offer my support.

Hug
Rita

[jessica wai]

The obvious answer from me is to work on making it a conscious choice rather than having it remain a compulsion. That is accomplished by really getting to know yourself and taking ownership of your feelings and no longer being ashamed or afraid of them. This puts you at the helm and not the process(of CDing).

Thanks.

I am actually quite conscious and accepting about my CD. I know I just need to avoid it for a few years for personal reason. I know in the end CD is what I enjoy in life (although not necessarily the greatest enjoyment for me).
I just need to stop those thoughts which are quite disturbing.


The problem is:

The more I THINK, the STRONGER is the CRAVING
The more I try to avoid such thoughts, the GREATER are the COMPULSIONS

Any practical tips on what to do precisely?

[Melissa_59]

Whenever CD thoughts enter your head, think "Margaret Thatcher in a string bikini in the winter!" over and over.

[Jane P]

I feel I am somewhat in the same situation right now . I know I am a duck , I have admitted to being a duck , I think I have always had feelings that I am a duck , but also know that it would be easier for the rest of the world if I were to not look like a duck.

I question this constantly and I only wish there was a simple answer other than getting through another day. I know that he world would not end if I were to start quacking and flying about , but there is a much better chance of being shot down in mid flight.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Jessica, You say it's not the the greatest enjoyment for you. I get that!
Can you do whatever it is that you get more enjoyment from on a daily basis? At least often enough to take your thoughts off of CDing for a while? Stop visiting web sites that remind you of CDing! Thats like dangling a carrot in front of a horse! I wish the best, It certainly wont be easy.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Emi_]

Well, first of all, dwelling on anything is only going to make your fixation about it worse.

Secondly, it sounds like you have some serious reasons for refraining from cross-dressing. It seems that you would do well to consider if those reasons are really worth your efforts. It sounds like you are in an agonizing position - I would argue that agony is not really a virtue. If the reason for not cross-dressing is powerful enough, any agony is bearable in the long run. But, if not cross-dressing doesn't really have a great reward at the end, then the agony is just painful.

We didn't choose to be this way, but we certainly have to make some choices in our lives because we are this way. As in any choice, we must way the rewards against the cost and determine for ourselves what is really worth doing or not doing. Only then can we have peace about our decisions and the resolve to see our way to our goals.

[heatherdress]

Jessica - you keep looking for something here that is more likely attainable with a therapist. You mix your dreams and desires about the admitted joys of cross dressing with requests for help to avoid dressing. I feel for your struggle but can offer little. Obviously something important has prevented you from crossdressing the past two years and I hope you feel good about your success. You are right, however, by recognizing that this is a forum of crossdressers, not individuals who are committed to not crossdressing. Good luck. I do feel for you.

[Rachelakld]

Tried self flagellation? I don't think it ever worked but lots of Christians believed in it.
I tried giving it up,
and also breathing under water like aqua man (I passed out).
Parachuting was fun, but then thought more fun in a dress - so no point trying that.
Paintball - I wish I could have worn that girls camo outfit, she was hot - no point trying that either
Going bush for a few weeks - but in the snow, I wore 3 pairs of stocking to keep warm - so that didn't work
White water rafting, a one piece bathing suit would have been nice.

Sorry - I got nothing, best of luck to you

[Launa]

Martial arts, try any discipline that works for you.

[NicolaF]

Hi Jessica

I feel I somewhat know where you are coming from. I feel I have spent a lot of my life wishing I wasn't a crossdresser, I know in so many ways it would make things an awful lot easier.
I guess if you don't want to dress there must be a clear reason for that, so I guess the best thing to do would be to concentrate on why it is that you don't want to/can't. I myself haven't dressed for over a year and a half now and to be honest a huge amount of the time that desire isn't there. I have had a reason that I didn't want to dress for and focusing on that reason has made it a lot easier. Sometimes if I drink a lot the desire is there more, and I do let my "inner girl" out a lot more if in a group of women and I'm drunk, so maybe avoiding drink could help a small bit.

But that's probably just me, everyone is different so that might not work for you!

[Jane P]

Hi again Jessica
I just want to say don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't visit here if you don't want to dress. I think it's all part of learning who we are. If we can accept ourselves for who or what we are then the clothes shouldn't matter. At least that is what I try to tell myself sometimes.

[Sc0rp10N]

I'm no expert, but have always found a vigorous workout routine can distract me from a lot of things that bother me, make me anxious, stressed or angry. Something involving plenty of weightlifting sort of gets the testosterone flowing and makes me feel more masculine, which tends to put any less masculine thoughts to the backs of my mind. Also, working on very technical things like budgeting, repairing or tinkering with mechanical stuff, etc. Just ideas.

[jessica wai]

Thanks for all the feedback.

I suppose, life is not meant to be easy.

If I could just be able to CD whenever I want to, I guess today I would be doing it 128 hours a week. I would be travelling around whenever I could en femme. I would be meeting new friends as a girl.
Yet, here I am, due to personal reasons which are totally justified, agonizing over how to control my urges to CD.

To me, CD is the most enjoyable thing on earth. (I said its not the most enjoyable thing earlier since I know the joy is short lived. Once I CD for over 3 days, I no longer have the urge and want to go back to acting male).
However, acting out on my CD urges will cause more harm than good for me today.
Thats my dilemma.

Thanks again for the useful advice.

[Butterfly Bill]

Once I CD for over 3 days, I no longer have the urge and want to go back to acting male)

So find places and times you can do it, and do it.

[CrossJess]

Whenever CD thoughts enter your head, think "Margaret Thatcher in a string bikini in the winter!" over and over.


Yummy! that's such a picture, feel really sick now.....lol

To the topic in question, can I ask why you want to stop cding? is it that much of a bad thing? the more you try to suppress these feelings the more they will thrive, you can't open Pandora's box and expect to close it again trust me I've been there and have the TShirt to prove it, I've been so much more happier now that I've let my mind have complete freedom over everything

[NicoleScott]

So find places and times you can do it, and do it.

I agree. You were vague about why you don't crossdress, citing "personal reasons". For most of us, it's because we have people in our lives who we think would be unaccepting and we don't want to risk life turning ugly. So, go find some private time and place, and do it. Or you can continue to fight off the actual act of crossdressing - how's that working for you?

[Confucius]

Several ideas to reduce the cross-dressing compulsion.

1. Biologically: Your brain is hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing (or just the thought of it) as actual contact with a female, and it releases the neurotransmitters which produce the sensations of gratification. The neurotransmitter associated with the urge for gratification is dopamine. If you want to reduce your urges for cross-dressing then you need to reduce your dopamine levels. For instance, when you masturbate your brain releases prolactin which inhibits dopamine following orgasm. http://www.entelechyjournal.com/pulling_away_after_sex1.htm

2. Psychologically: Most cross-dresser suffer from a case of female envy. They think females have it better in life. What you need to do is reprogram your brain into believing that men have it better in life, and that society favors males over females. You have to love and relish your male side. Consider the social construct of male privilege - males are given advantages and rewarded simply for their gender. Females are judged and valued solely for their appearances, and if their appearances don't amount to much, then they are garbage. I'm not saying that's right, it simply reality. So relish your maleness, and be happy to be a man.

[Georgia_Maine]

Jessica, I feel that you and recovering alcoholics have similar stuggles. Like them, you have to accept that the urge to CD will always be there to some extent and just say "not today". I wish you strength and my love.

[jessica wai]

Several ideas to reduce the cross-dressing compulsion.

1. Biologically: Your brain is hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing (or just the thought of it) as actual contact with a female, and it releases the neurotransmitters which produce the sensations of gratification. The neurotransmitter associated with the urge for gratification is dopamine. If you want to reduce your urges for cross-dressing then you need to reduce your dopamine levels. For instance, when you masturbate your brain releases prolactin which inhibits dopamine following orgasm. http://www.entelechyjournal.com/pulling_away_after_sex1.htm

2. Psychologically: Most cross-dresser suffer from a case of female envy. They think females have it better in life. What you need to do is reprogram your brain into believing that men have it better in life, and that society favors males over females. You have to love and relish your male side. Consider the social construct of male privilege - males are given advantages and rewarded simply for their gender. Females are judged and valued solely for their appearances, and if their appearances don't amount to much, then they are garbage. I'm not saying that's right, it simply reality. So relish your maleness, and be happy to be a man.

Confucius : you have it absolutely spot on. You're brilliant. You advice fits exactly what's in my mind. Thanks a million. Georgia : you are right too. It's like a compulsion for me. Thanks too for the other feedback.

[Tina_gm]

When an addict 1st stops doing what they are addicted to, it obsesses in the mind. They will think about, crave, even dream about whatever it is they are addicted to. Eventually though, those things will reduce in time and become much easier to deal with. When people are addicted to something, it is an external stimulation of some sort, gambling, smoking, drinking, or other drugs. None of those things are who we are. They are things we do, often to great detriment physically and mentally.

When it comes to CDing, it is what we do because we have internal feminism that when dressing becomes a connection of the internal and external. You have quit CDing... and that is ok, but you cannot quit the femininity, sorry.

When it comes to any given situation, work, family or some other social event where you do not want the distraction, it is a matter of training your mind to focus directly on what you are doing. When it comes to long term in general, you have decided for your reasons to not dress, but that won't cure you of your feminine side. So, are there any other ways in which you can find some sort of outlet for your feminine side? Doing so will likely not cure the desires to CD, but having some sort of connection to your feminine side might make them a little less distracting.

[Beverley Sims]

Find yourself a girlfriend...
That sure kills it dead........ For a while. :)

[suzy1]

Some here liken crossdressing to an addiction and they make a good point.
But this need [and I did say need rather than an addiction or compulsion] is to me the same as needing to drink or eat or breath. O.K. you are not going to die if you do not crossdress but its still a part of you and an important part.
If there is one thing I have learnt since coming here is its impossible to eradicate this need in most of us.
So I think you are on a ‘hiding to nothing’ if you are hoping to distract your mind from dressing. Try going without eating anything tomorrow and see not only how much you start thinking about food in the end but notice the similarity with that and your thinking about dressing.

Its who you are and your stuck with it Jessica.

[ScarlettLox]

I, unfortunately just have support to offer and no answer.
What I would do to distract myself from something is play a game or get a hobby though I feel those would be a bandage over a gaping wound so to speak.
Hugs

[rachael.davis]

How did I distract myself from gender identity issues?
Alcoholism, black rage, anger, clinical depression, figuring the military was a great place to get killed and resolve all problems, punishing the snot out of my body in high impace martial arts.....

Didn't work terribly well all in all

[Elle1944]

How did I distract myself from gender identity issues?
Alcoholism, black rage, anger, clinical depression, figuring the military was a great place to get killed and resolve all problems, punishing the snot out of my body in high impace martial arts.....

Didn't work terribly well all in all

Hi girls I'm new here and this is my first post but rachael.davis said it all, the more I tried to put it off, "giving in", the more depressed and punishing I got too. I became "Lonesome, Hon'ry and Mean" (good song title). How many times did I purge my "stuff", wasted a lot of time and money to buy it all over again.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jessica, I think that Crossdressing is like the Mafia, You just can't quit it.
I think that that's why you keep coming to these forums.

[Madilyn A.]

Can't be done !

[Christen]

Hello Jessica,

I wish I could offer you some time proven ways to get it out of your thoughts, only one problem, as others have said, there isn't a way to do it. Well, not one that works for too long. I thought it was just me who always had CD'ing on my mind but a thread I put up just proved to me that most of us think about it constantly. In the end, like Kate Simmons said, once you accept that this how it's going to be you can put it further to the back of your mind. Must say, once I was offered aversion therapy as a help to stop crossdressing, but you know I couldn't think of anything worse.
Maybe you just need to 1) accept your needs/desires, 2) give yourself some boundaries, so that you meet your needs but don't go overboard, 3) be kind to yourself, you are not making yourself do this, a need to CD is not created by choice.

Good luck,
Christen x

[jessica wai]

Once you accept that this how it's going to be you can put it further to the back of your mind.
Maybe you just need to 1) accept your needs/desires, 2) give yourself some boundaries, so that you meet your needs but don't go overboard, 3) be kind to yourself, you are not making yourself do this, a need to CD is not created by choice.


I totally agree.
Acceptance is essential (I have done that !)
Set limits, say only CD in certain conditions and under control (That's reasonable but not practical for me. I am in a Zero Tolerance situation)
I agree CD is part of me and its one of my greatest passions. Stopping CD is certainly my choice and I am not forced into it.
I do not think CD is an addiction like alcohol, but it is coming close. The cravings are there and they cannot be controlled but they are not yet overwhelming.


How did I distract myself from gender identity issues?
Alcoholism, black rage, anger, clinical depression, figuring the military was a great place to get killed and resolve all problems, punishing the snot out of my body in high impace martial arts.....

Didn't work terribly well all in all

Could you be having gender dysphoria instead of enjoying crossdressing ?
CD should not be that bad, its just not accepted by some quarters of the society and certain family members / S.O.s


Hi girls I'm new here and this is my first post but rachael.davis said it all, the more I tried to put it off, "giving in", the more depressed and punishing I got too. I became "Lonesome, Hon'ry and Mean" (good song title). How many times did I purge my "stuff", wasted a lot of time and money to buy it all over again.

I am not saying about quitting cold turkey.
I have made up my mind about stopping CD after caring balancing the pros and cons.
The pros are there but the cons are more significant, in my own case.
With that decision in mind, quitting is not hard.
I have lots of facial hair and stopped waxing my limbs.

My problem is just that these thoughts about CD still creeps into my mind daily, especially when I wake up.
I can ignore them if I were busy. But when I am by myself, the urge could blow up a bit.

I think Confucius' comments sum up the rationale behind my experience.

[Jorja]

Well Jessica, you could try a BFH (Big Friggin' Hammer) but you are only going to get a severe headache that way. Otherwise, I think you are stuck with your thoughts.

[LovelyGeek]

1) find a therapist that specializes in gender
2) get a rubics cube and keep yourself occupied

[rachael.davis]

Could you be having gender dysphoria instead of enjoying crossdressing ?
CD should not be that bad, its just not accepted by some quarters of the society and certain family members / S.O.s

Ya Think? :)

[kimdl93]

I suggest carpentry. Every so often you'll hit your thumb with a hammer and your mind will be off CDing.

[WhisperTV]

However, acting out on my CD urges will cause more harm than good for me today.
That's a classic sign of addiction. You may want to see a therapist.

[CarlaWestin]

Become addicted to not CDing. And do a 12 step program and wear a t-shirt with a picture of a dress with a red circle and line through it. Give lectures on the evils of CDing. Lobby congress for antiCDing legislation and circulate petitions to ban CDing within 1000 yards of a school zone. Oh, and by all means, join an organized religion so you can get the group hate thing going. Surround yourself with other elevated nonCD'ers and create a great anti crossdressing society!

Like yourself, I'm tired of women wearing ball caps and pants.

:straightface:

[WhisperTV]

No, it's serious Carla. Putting on a dress is not going to do more harm than good. But for some it can lead to other activity that does.

A therapist or a group for sex addiction should really be considered.

When what you're doing causes more harm than good yet you struggle to stop doing it, you're probably an addict and should seek help.

[Taylor Ray]

Sorry to be the "devil's advocate", but here it goes:

The problem is not your desire to cross dress. The real problem is the inhibitions you feel toward cross dressing. Your inhibitions could be related to shame-based conditioning you experienced from your nuclear family and your cultural milieu.

Confuscius' theories are adamant attempts at rational analysis, but they don't apply to me because of my sexual orientation. I certainly do not have "female envy", and recently I have had little desire to have physical contact with a female.

[LICutie]

phew, i feel like i am in the same (or a similar boat) as you, Jessica... and the waters can get rough (yet at other times they seem very still). great replies from the other members, too; very insightful and varied.

my feeling is, ultimately, no one can tell anyone what is wrong or right. so it may come down to what it all means to the individual, and advice and recommendations can (and should) be taken or left at one's choosing.

so how to distract the mind from CD thoughts?

i do believe that if one can pour themselves into another activity, then the mind will be so occupied with that other activity that there will be no room for any other thoughts. personally, meditation and physical exercise (such as yoga or running) can sometimes allow me to distract my mind.

but there is so much in the world, whether it is clothing stores, or media that shows the female form and femininity that it is difficult for the thoughts to not be triggered and to not insert oneself...

even so, doing it in mind and doing it in body, IMHO, are a different thing. so if "acting on CD urge" is "more harm" then just thinking about ("CD thoughts") should be "less harm".

of course, the question may be will it (thinking about it) and repression lead to eventually doing it anyway?

maybe it will, maybe it won't.

personally, sometimes i am scared. i feel like the more i abstain, the more i am building up for an immersion, excursion, what have you... and my fear is that if i go over the edge; will i actually be able to return?

idk maybe if we can just accept this part of us whether active or inactive, practicing or non-practicing; this is a good starting point.

if the urge tips the want from desire to a need, so be it; it may be out of our control by then.

perhaps professional help is needed.

then again maybe, to quote the Vedas which say something to the effect of, the way to squash one's desire is to do it (whatever the desire is) so much you don't want to anymore (kind of how you said "Once I CD for over 3 days, I no longer have the urge and want to go back to acting male").

maybe to be in the middle of male and female is fine, too; maybe we don't have to be so much one... or the other?

[Farrah]

Quitting is one the most difficult things to do. CDing is a part of us. Its almost like getting rid of our desire to eat or sleep. It is a part of you and probably will never go away. I've made conscience efforts to quit many times for the last 32 years. Needless to say, I'm still CDing. Good luck! :)

[franlee]

The ONLY way is to find something you enjoy more and become so obsessed with it that it over rides the CDing. Otherwise you are like all the CDer's I know and that is for as long as you live.

[LICutie]

Very true words indeed, Farrah.

Although quitting and reducing (or taking a break) may be different things, imho.

And when you say "it is a part of you" that also rings true whether we feed it or starve it pay attention or ignore it, it remains but perhaps if it becomes our modus operandi than it is out of proportion and needs to be checked.

That's why i am on the fence because thwarting it may make the thoughts stronger and conversely indulging may decrease.

So to fill up the mind as much as possible with something else at least delays the process for the time being.

That said if it never goes away, we can always return

[LICutie]

Fran, thank you for that; it is short and sweet... and makes sense.

But perhaps reframing CDing is in order in that there doesn't have to be guilt and shame involved. It shouldn't be. Of course when other people are involved then then it gets more complicated.

Also it is said that if we periodize activities they can be more powerful so maybe taking breaks may be useful, too, in that our eventual enjoyment can increase instead of decrease with time.

[Jessy Jamz]

Jessica, I respect your choice to stop CDing, but outside of practical reasons like you don't have the opportunity or ability to actually do it, I just can't imagine why you would suppress it. Suppressing things just makes them worse.

I also don't buy this cding being a proxy for contact with a women, or that it has anything to do with female envy. Way off base for me, although I would consider myself trans* so I am coming at this from a different place than some of you.

However, if you do want to stop CDing, the first step would be to refrain from looking CD related material online. It's just going to provide a trigger. A therapist would be VERY helpful as well.

[Ressie]

Do volunteer work helping other people. This will get your mind off of yourself and your problems. Just make sure the job isn't helping women shop for clothes!