i need advice

[stacy956]

Hi ladys i need some advice.....long story kinda short is i was married for four years and in that time i had a lovely lil girl well her mom knew about me crossdressing she.never aproved of it made me stop doing it or she would leav me and would take my lil girl she keept telling me this until i completly stoped crossdressing. Well after time she keept throwing it in my face that i was gay and that she would out me to my family witch in time she did and to her fam its was the worse thing ever but i hung in there for my lil girl bc i love her like nothing in the world ..,..she would check my phone daily smell me after work to see where i had been all kinds of other things she did anywho one day i got fed up with it i broke down i told her i wanted a divorce i couldnt liv like that and she said ok so we got divorced well here is that question can she legaly take my child away if she tells the court that i crossdress? She threatens me now that she sees me a lil happy to taking me to court pls girls if you or someone you know gone threw something like this pls help out i really appreciat . It .....ps sorry about all the bad grammar. But i wrote this in a hurry lol

[Jenniferathome]

You need to see a family law attorney. This person will tell you that parental rights are not lightly regarded.

[EllieOPKS]

Seek the advice of an attorney. They can advise you of the predicted outcome. Personally, in todays liberal world I think you have better chances of custody than she does.

[DonnaT]

It's not very likely. Your attorney might even be able to keep your CDing off the record as not relevant to raising a child.

[ScarlettLox]

Yeah, its not relevant so its unlikely that it would be used against you.

[AllieSF]

State laws vary all over the place. Then the local judge may also have his or her own opinions on this side of us. So, as others have said, a good attorney is probably your best bet, because vindictive spouses can be nightmares.

[Chari]

Some states require a "reason for the divorce", and it is doubtful CDing alone would be a strong enough motive! As others here have posted, best to obtain legal council about the legalities in your state for your issues.

[stacy956]

The thing is im from texas and i work in cali 6 months out of the year and i havent really looked into what texas laws are sense she is the but i will get an attorney. And go from there thanx ladys for ur good advice i really appreciate it/ jenn /ellie/ donna/Scarlett/allie/chari .....thank you

[Steph_CD_62]

I agree that every state is probably different, and the judge could also have his/her own opinion on crossdressers.
When I went through a divorce from my 1st wife, I told my attorney that I was a crossdresser and he said in Nebraska that wasn't an issue. He did ask if I hid it from the kids, which I was.
He thanked me for letting him know up front, but unless it was brought up in court he wouldn't say anything. And since my ex-wife was over 1,000 miles away and didn't show up for court, the subject of crossdressing was never brought up.

[Pippa A]

Hey Stacy,

Loads of good advice form others on the legal issues and I can't really add to that, but I would like to say that I've gone the divorce route (not cd related in my case) and I know others who have too, and I know how terrible it feels when you go through it.

But... No matter how bad and worried you feel at the moment, it's not permanent. It will pass, and you'll emerge from it far happier than when you were married. Once you're ready, you'll view this as an opportunity to grow and to really be the person you know is inside you. I promise you, one day, like me, you'll think it was the best thing that ever happened to you.

My thoughts are with you in the meantime Stacy - Hang in there, it really does get better.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Stacy, I don't know if you are already doing it but keep a detailed
log of all the threats that she has used against you and talk with a family law Atty.

[giuseppina]

... i will get an attorney. ...

Good for you. We have only one side of the story, but it sounds like good riddance.

As someone above pointed out, keeping a record of events is a good idea.

In an ideal world, the courts couldn't care less about the interests of the parents when awarding custody of children. The child(ren)'s interests should come first. In reality, there is usually something seriously wrong with the mother before the courts consider awarding custody to the father.

Your barrister/solicitor should know about the crossdressing so s/he isn't blindsided by any grandstanding your ex does. Don't be surprised if your ex tries something along this line using this or any other purported fault.

The sexuality of the parent has a lot less to do with being a good parent than the ability to parent among those who don't have an axe to grind. Chances are high you will need an expert opinion on this matter.

If she tries to use the crossdressing or any other reason to run you down, that is child abuse IMO. An order to both of you instructing both of you not to talk about the other parent in the presence of the children is fairly standard in acrimonious breakups. It's not a good idea to criticise your ex to your children whether or not any such order is in place. That makes you look bad in the eyes of your children.

[Marissa]

TEXAS :) for those that don't know, it can be a hard state for a divorce.. up front, we are friendly, but don't stir the pot in our way of life... lol.. ok..i may be jesting a bit..but i have gone throught 2 divorces in this state.. none to do with my dressing but last ex could have brought it up but she was not the mother of my kids.

Take the adice given, Stacy..get a lawyer, explain the situation and you will be told the worst. This lifestyle in most case won't prevent getting custody..but its the overall picture of what is best for the child. And that means joint custody too. Don't let threats scare you if you really want your child in your life..and you are willing to let it all come out. Is the price worth it? good question to ask yourself.

I hope the best for you in representation and outcome.. think you will do what is good in your heart :)

[Michelle (Oz)]

Again, getting an attorney is paramount. I'm not in America but had some experience with State custody law. Some thoughts based on that experience played out over 6 months are:

record as dispassionately as possible all the pluses and minuses of both of you re parenting - that way you'll be prepared to make your case as well as prepare your defence
do not make any statements/promises to your wife on any matter - she can use them against you
given you live in two states you might be regarded as an absent father unless your family traveled with you - that will complicate matters as to finance and her legitimate opposition to relocating your child
expect that joint custody will be the best you can hope for unless you have very strong arguments as to why your wife isn't a fit mother
be prepared for your crossdressing to be highlighted in any custody battle - but take a positive position, e.g. didn't involve your child, you were sensitive and caring, etc
CDing is a legitimate activity and recognised as such (I assume) in anti discrimination legislation
without knowing circumstances prepare for a financial battle given a young child - joint custody allows some account of your costs too

I stress that I'm not an attorney nor US based, so just some thoughts.

It is a very unfortunate circumstance but you are NOT in the wrong with CDing.

Michelle

[stacy956]

Hi ladys i got an attorney and im doing as u ladys advised me to note of everything that went on and the good and bad about me and got some witnesses to back me up that im a good person and responsible. Hope for the best and if everything comes out in the open im ready :)

[docrobbysherry]

I live in Cal. where divorces r "no fault". Meaning u can get one at any time without cause. The main points of contention here r money and child custody.

Custody hearings can be become nasty. I strongly suggest that u have some financial weapon that mite allow u to trade with your ex for joint custody. Secondly, if u have some embarrassing dirt on your SO stock piled for the custody court hearing, maybe u can trade with her. Both of u keep quiet during the hearings and just let the court hear the facts of how u live and why having your daughter would be good for both of u.

Do not do ANYTHING without consulting your attorney first!

During my divorce, my lawyer went nuts when I told her she was NOT to mention my ex's affairs in court. We had already agreed on joint custody so it wasn't relevant. And then, my ex may have mentioned my CDing. Which was only in it's pre embrionic stage back then.