Going Out - Explaining it to someone

[Marcelle]

Hi all . . . promise not a rant or ramblings of Isha's mind but, just a story about an encounter I had yesterday. :battingeyelashes:

I had taken an Isha day yesterday because I wanted to buy some Capri pants I had seen while shopping "en boy" with my wife (she actually suggested the Isha day so I could try them on - I do not do the boy trying girl clothes on thing). So, after getting dressed (first time not using beard cover . . . just foundation - laser is a wonderful thing) and trying some nail art (purple polka dots on yellow - fingers / toes - opposite colours) I grabbed my keys and drove to the city. I took public transit down to the city center and went about my day. I did meet up with some GG friends for lunch and talk, got my pants (love them) and decided as Isha always does . . . Starbucks, reading and people watching to finish out the day.

I normally like to sit outside but it was full so I had to sit inside. Now it was busy with lots of folks and I found a corner table next to a group of young women (20 something). I got a few stares and there were some hushed whispers conversation probably went something like this:

Don't all look at once but I think that is a guy . . . and naturally they all turned around and looked :doh: When this happens, I normally just smile because I know it is curiosity and not meanness.

I continued reading and could overhear their conversation and they were talking about the new series that came out "Dracula". I know the series well as being fans of all things horror my wife and I have watched it. Now I got the distinct feeling as I was reading and the table conversation was a bit more quiet that I was getting stared at again. So I looked up and they were staring. So I just smiled again and then one of the women said "We really like your nails". I said thank-you and then one of the other said "Sorry, but we have to ask . . . uh . . . are you a . . . " Now I suppose I could have got upset over such a direct question but they were young women and to be honest it was a legitimate question so I let them off the hook and said (girl voice mind you) "Yes, I am a guy". Now this led to me being pulled into their conversation but it was just talk and most of it centered around television series they like to watch . . . the topic of me being TG never came up (at least not for a bit of time).

There was an awkward silence moment (you know when conversation starts to die down) and then one of the women simply asked "Why do you do it? Go out dressed like a girl I mean" Let me put this in context for you. This was not a facetious question but one of curiosity. You have to admit to the uninitiated it can seem quite odd "Dude dresses up like a girl. Doesn't look like a girl but just plops him/herself down in the world for all to see" :eek: So I cut her some slack and responded back with "Good question but I am not sure I can explain it so you would understand as it is just something that feels so right" She may have been shaking her head and saying "I see", but I don't think she understood. Then a perfect analogy dawned on me since she was one of the women who absolutely loved the new Dracula series. Bear with me now as Isha is about to get all nerdy on you :heehee:

I asked her if she remembered the episode where Dracula walks in the light of day for the first time in 400 years to which she said it was one of her favorite episodes. I asked he did she remember how the actor portrayed Dracula as he felt the sun on his face. She responded "pure and utter joy". To which I responded "that is me". She was still a bit confused so I told her I might not be a 400 year old vampire but I have hidden this part of me from the world for a very long time and when I made the active decision to come out and finally go out it was like finding a lost part of me. Much like Dracula revelled in the feeling of the sun on his skin after 400 years, I revelled in the feeling of sun on my face "en girl" out in the world with people around me no longer having to hide in the darkness. This is the feeling I kindle each and every time I go out.

I am not certain she got the entire analogy but she did seem to understand. At that point I had to catch my bus so I thanked them for the pleasant inclusion and left. Will I ever see these women again? Most likely not as it is a big city. However, it did feel really good just to be another person in the conversation. So like Dracula who yearns to be out in the sun, that is the reason I like to take Isha out in the world so she can be just another person with the sun on her face. :daydreaming:

Hugs

Isha

[Jamie Marie]

A very good explanation for the intended audience. I hope that they were enlightened and will remember this experience in their next encounter with a TG.

[KittyD]

Wow thats a totally great story Isha :D Well played sister :D

[samantha rogers]

Isha, I have said this before and I will say it again. You are my absolute hero. I say that from the bottom of my heart, girl. Your level headed courage and your even handed willingness to engage make you the superwoman ambassador of the TG world. We cannot all do what you do, sister, but, my God...if we did? The world would change overnight.
You brought another big teary smile to my face this morning, honey.
Thanks...thanks for just being you!
Love
Sammie

[AnneC]

That is a wonderful explanation. Sometimes simple is the best. Thank you for sharing this.

[Jenelle]

Yet another great Isha thread :) Isha that is a wonderful story and you handled it so well!

[Sarah Doepner]

Isha, I don't think I could have come up with anything better on the fly like that. You handled it well and opened a window into our world for people who could very easily now be allies. I haven't had many opportunities to engage in that kind of conversation, but when I have, I really wanted to treat that person with respect. I try to explain that it's a journey of self-discovery and I never saw the future me before I took the next step. I'll stop when there is no place else I feel good about exploring, but for now, here I am.

[Chari]

Isha, That was a very understandable reply, that will hopefully give others a positive understanding of our "craft". Enjoy.

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Great story Isha. You are a great CD ambassador as Sammie mentioned. I haven't seen the Dracula series but I like the analogy, sometimes I feel like I haven't been able to dress in 400 years, LOL!
Hugs,
Stephanie

[PaulaQ]

Much like Dracula revelled in the feeling of the sun on his skin after 400 years, I revelled in the feeling of sun on my face "en girl" out in the world with people around me no longer having to hide in the darkness. This is the feeling I kindle each and every time I go out.


Great analogy. When I started going out last year, I felt like I was given a brief furlough from prison - a chance to exit solitary confinement, and feel the sun on my face in the prison yard. When all you know is misery, simple happiness feels like euphoria.

[kimdl93]

Great analogy!

[Suzanne F]

Isha
You write so well. I try to explain to people all the time about the joy of being out in the world as I really am. From the first moment my heel hit the pavement I have not looked back. My group of friends from this site are wonderful ambassadors for us. I hope I am too! We are always asked about why and how and we answer their questions as positively as possible. Allie and Rachael have been great role models for me as I have developed as a woman. I love how they don't hide when we are out in San Francisco. Isha I am so proud to have started this journey about the same time as you. Thank you for sharing your life with us !
Suzanne

[Annaliese]

Beautiful story, when good questing are ask, out of curiosity, it good to answer it, it a teaching moment.

[Bryanne]

What a great story and such an insightful response!

[reb.femme]

Hi Isha,

I don't watch the programme but the analogy is perfectly apt.

Rebecca

[Beverley Sims]

Isha,
I know how you must have felt.

Dragged into a conversation with a group of women and being accepted as someone worthwhile to interact with.

It is an awesome feeling and has left me absolutely exhilarated on more than one occasion .

[AllieSF]

Now this led to me being pulled into their conversation but it was just talk and most of it centered around television series they like to watch . . . the topic of me being TG never came up (at least not for a bit of time).

This has been my friends and my exact experience just about every time that we go out. They naturally react when they see something/someone different, maybe are a little surprised and then very curious. Once the awkwardness is dealt with it is really surprising how well and where the conversation goes, and for how long. The more comfortable they get the more courage they get to eventually ask those sometimes pointed questions. That special moment then gives us that wonderful opportunity to be ourselves and nicely answer their questions.

Another analogy about their take on us would be when we see someone different, maybe with full arm tattoos, or multi colored hair or piercings. We may like or dislike the look and then get curious to maybe actually see some of the details of the tattoos, find out what do they mean to that person, how many do they have that no one can see, or whatever other curious thought comes to our mind. Given the opportunity to actually talk to them about their tattoos, piercings or colored hair, we would probably find out that they can be some of the nicest and down to earth people who just look different. I did exactly that last night when talking to a bartender at one of our favorite wine bars. This guy is 6-3 well built, played hockey a lot in Connecticut, had multiple tattoos on his arms and upper body, a man's man. As I talked to him about his tattoos he opened up and explained how he was a Martha Stewart fan and had brightly deep blue painted toe nails! Who would have guessed.

[Rachel Morley]

Wow, what an awesome experience to have. I loved hearing this. Surrounded by inquisitive GGs, no negativity, only acceptance (or nonchalance?) I'd be totally ok with that. I think you answered their questions like a true ambassador! YGG!

The nearest I have come to a situation like this was several years ago a group of us went to the Cotillion Ball in San Francisco and after the event was over went back to our hotel for a nightcap. We (3 "CDing couples") were sat at the bar and at the other end of the bar were two "regular couples" and the two women in their group kept looking at us, and then one of the GGs came over to one of the wives in our group and started a conversation about why we were all in ballgowns but then, of course, the questions came about why we (the non-GGs) were dressed like we were. Anyway, to cut a long story short, it was rather like your experience. The others in their group came and joined us too. They were all super polite and very inquisitive as what exactly a crossdresser is and does? .. and in particular, they wanted to "how it worked" for married couples? We enjoyed the moment and tried to help them understand, just as you did with the "vampire girls" :)

[LeeAnne]

That's a great analogy. Loved it! Thanks for sharing this: it made my day!

[natcrys]

Loved reading that little story.. and those capri pants look good on you! :)

And that analogy.. I think I will use that as well. Though probably at a certain point they will keep asking questions.. like why I keep on doing it after all these years.. and then I have to resort again to the standard "it just feels right and like I should be doing this" answer. :p

[stacycoral]

Miss Isha, girl what a great story, I so happy for you, and you do your best to show that we are just people, thanks you, hugs girlfriend.

[Christen]

As always, Isha, your attitude is inspirational.

Love to you,
Christen x

[Katey888]

Great story and a good explanation Isha - while you do have a mixed bag of experiences it's good to hear that the positive ones are outscoring the negatives!

Just a thing about dear old Dracula though... Isn't the old, sun on face thing for him, normally a prelude to some catastrophic need for moisturiser before getting wafted away on the breeze as 400-year old Transylvanian dandruff...? :eek: Not that you want to carry the metaphor that far, but just that I'm a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to horror films... ;)

And I think I might just be booking Katey's first outing somewhere in Canada... Why...? Well, by the time I see the light of day in public, pretty much everyone there will have either heard of Isha or had a conversation with her and have been educated first hand on what we're all about... :D

You are a serious Ambassador, girlfriend, there should be some award you get for what you do! :cheer:

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Thanks for your kind comments and replies. Talking to people out in public when the opportunity presents itself was something I started while "en boy" after I met my wife. When we first starting going out, she told me because I could come off as quite aloof and a bit scary to folks it might be nice to look a bit more friendly. So, when I was out in public I would engage people in polite conversation if the timing was right ( I didn't just rush over and say "hey" as that could get a bit awkward :eek:). Isha is just doing what I have always done only she looks a bit nicer/friendlier doing so. I truly believe that most people are more curious about us than we think and when the opportunity presents itself then it is nice to educate. Will it change their way of thinking? Hard to say but at the very least they can walk away with interesting dinner conversation :).

Now don't get me wrong, I will only engage "en femme" when I am sure the field of battle ensures potential success. In the case of the women and the men (a few weeks back), the situation seemed good for a polite (non confrontational) discussion. I have been sitting doing my Isha people watching thing and seen stares and hushed conversations to which I would not even give notice to. Specifically, the potential for a hostile response was quite high and there would be nothing gained from going over and trying to convince these morons TGs are just plain folk. The women were an "easy day" as they were polite from the start. The men a few weeks back could have gone either way but if the initial contact was hostile " this girl would have walked away with her latte". :battingeyelashes:

So if the opportunity presents itself, I will engage. Now I will admit it is a bit self serving as it gives me the opportunity to practice conversing in my girl voice and helps to normalize the process (just being a person out and about). :battingeyelashes:

Hugs

Isha

[Ressie]

Conversing with people is something I'm fine with. Conversing while en femme is still possible. But trying to explain why is something I'd rather not get into. Kudos to you Isha. I'm sure it would be much easier to have a conversation with curious women, than a group of guys.

[Teresa]

Isha thanks for sharing that experience your outings just get better, so will the nails get more interesting or be toned down to blend in more ?
What concerns me now is where are the bats from that fly round my garden at dusk ?

[Sara Jessica]

There is a common thread in here, the word ambassador, the process of teaching. Face it, the Muggles just don't get a daily fill of our TG uniqueness in their world. Heck, they're lucky to ever encounter a member of our tribe (think of how rare it is when we see one of us and we have an eye for it).

Curiosity can be a healthy thing, even if it starts off as being kind of awkward. When it leads to discussions that are illustrated here, then our work as ambassadors can really shine through...even if only one Muggle at a time.

[Nataliebabe]

Isha thank you for sharing this and thank you for being such a wonderful ambassador for this thing of ours!

[Genny B]

Excellent analogy! So jealous of you Isha! I never had the nerve while in the military to even create an account here! You have gone so far beyond and in hind sight of my own path, I think you took the better road!

Genny B

[flatlander_48]

Well, no one has ever asked me this question. Anyway, for me the realistic answer would be that I really can't say. However, there is something that I learned after the fact.

I am a great one for experiencing out of the ordinary situations. I think they go a long ways towards helping our understanding how the world works and how we humans function within it. As examples, for me personally, I've lived in a foreign country for 6 years, I like going up in tall structures and I've driven a few race cars. While there is a superficial level to each of these, there is also another level of understanding that exists. To illustrate, living outside of the US gave me a sense of the range of perceptions that are held about us; things that would never had occurred to me otherwise.

Being a bisexual person and a crossdresser have shown me a lot about how insidious sexism is. There is a saying: "All that glitters is not gold.". Some things that may appear to us to be respectful of women turn out to be things that subtly define the role of women. Experiencing or seeing the world from a feminine perspective can be very enlightening. But, as I said, these are things that I learned after the fact and not something that initially drove my crossdressing.

[Marcelle]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your comments much appreciated.


Excellent analogy! So jealous of you Isha! I never had the nerve while in the military to even create an account here! You have gone so far beyond and in hind sight of my own path, I think you took the better road!

Genny B

Hi Genny. Fortunately for us TG is not an issue in the Canadian military so that makes it a bit easier. I realize it is not the same in the US military.

Hugs all

Isha

[September]

Isha, your post has made me deliriously happy. Thank you for your courage and friendly nature. You're an inspiration!

[Carmen]

Isha you have the most interesting and positive encounters with the general populace.
I've had several conversations with people that I have met out there...this goes back (hmmn) 20+ years now.
Most people are cool after that initial conversation...(they find out that I'm not a psycho).

[Athena_]

Isha,

You Rock! I have been so inspired by your stories, courage, and experiences!

[Hell on Heels]

Bravo Isha, you handled that one with great finesse. Relating Cding to something the young lady could wrap her mind around like that was a smart move.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Julia B]

Great analogy!

[abby054]

Nice analogy that fit the situation well. As a professor, I go to "teaching professor" conferences regularly to meet the best professors and to learn how and why they are so effective. One of the methods the real pros taught us is exactly what you did. Relate the difficult concept to something in the student's day to day life. Videos, music, sports, etc. are top items in their lives. Contemporary is important. To bring it home, the pros taught us to think that when we think in terms of Johnny Bench, Richard Nixon, James Bond, and Karen Carpenter, we should be relating to our students as thinking in terms of people like Russell Wilson and LeBron James, Barack Obama, Dracula, and a host of rappers. It takes work and gets more difficult as we grow older, particularly for those who are not naturals at it, but no one becomes a pro at anything without a lot of hard work. You gave me a great inspiration. Thanks!

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Thanks for sharing. In the end, wether they understood or not is irrelevant. They learned from you that not all CD's are deranged weirdos that must be avoided at all costs. You showed them you are just an average person. I think that is WAY more important.

Thanks for representing us well..

[amyjacks2014]

^.^

I like it! You handled what seemed to be genuine curiosity with a sensible response
and real information. Too many stereotypes and too much opposition or discrimination
is based on not having this information out there. A dismissive you can't judge me
response would have been detrimental to these GGs perhaps understanding what a
crossdresser does and why. So, you contributed to helping another person understand.

Something that doesn't happen too often in today's society. :)


Amy M. Jackson