Is it weird that it's all or nothing?

[Aspen K]

Heyyy Everyone!

I just have a question for you ladies. For me I go through highs and lows of wanting to be a man and wanting to be a woman. One day I will want nothing more than to be a girl but then the next day I will be very content with my male body and self. Is that normal? Does anyone else feel this same way??

[Alice Torn]

For some of us, this is VERY normal. Some of us are conflicted, and have a love/hate thing about one or both roles we have, and some of us learn to accept both sides, and even like both sides.

[Tracii G]

Sure I think its pretty common.
I have learned to live with both pretty easily, the trick is to keep a balance if you can.

[Katey888]

Hi Aspen,

I believe this is as normal as normal gets around here... for some of us, anyway... :)

Quite happy being male me - but then I just have to get fully glammed for a while... and with some minimalist girly moments in between... ;)

Just be sad for the muggles who never get to understand what it feels like to really change your perspective...

Katey x

[Katie01]

I explained to my very supportive gf that when I make love to her I love being her man but I also love the idea being girly with her too. Bless her heart she was up for it. It's all good so far.

[WhisperTV]

For me its normal. I like both sides.

Yesterday I got a whole batch of new cloths. PJs, tops, a LBD. But I spent the whole day as a man. I didn't even take the new clothes out of their packaging.

[Teresa]

Whisper that's some self control ! You tend to kick yourself when you find something doesn't fit ! I knew I should tried them sooner !!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Aspin, That is the great thing about this program, We can have the best of both worlds.

[Marcelle]

Hey Aspen . . . normal . . . big affirmative for a CDer (in most cases). I have struck balance between "boy me" and "girl me" sometimes they share a day other times it is all theirs.

Hugs

Isha

[Pat]

Don't know if it's normal, but that's how it is for me. People come at cross dressing from many different angles. Some are truly women trapped in a man's body. Some are dudes in dresses. And there's a whole spectrum in between.

My inner rationalization is that people who are comfortably male and female at the same time are a reasonably normal type for some small segment of the population and modern society as a whole has yet to come to value us. But there are others like us out there and there are people who need/want us. (Not talking sexually, but for the insights we bring and the comfort we provide and the general richness we add to our culture.) So I think we're normal and it's the binary nature of man or woman that's unnatural to us. So we end up acting in one role until the other needs to burst out rather than acting in our natural dual-nature role all the time.

Makes sense in my head, but doesn't really become words well....

[daarleane]

Actually Jennie-cd you said it quite well, it is when we try to live up to the "images" that we run into problems. The "real man" images leave no room for you to act as you want to. You have to decide what image you are comfortable with in your circumstances.

[WhisperTV]

Whisper that's some self control ! You tend to kick yourself when you find something doesn't fit ! I knew I should tried them sooner !!
Oh, don't worry Teresa. They won't stay in that packaging for long. :battingeyelashes:

[bimini1]

I reiterate what's been said about balance. I get into trouble when the scales tip too far to either side. You seem to have a pretty good balance I'd say just go with it if that suits you. The older I get the more I seem to come into my own.

[Amy Fakley]

I dunno ... I used to look at it that way; as a sort of sine wave between girl and boy mode. The more I think of it lately, it's just one of two extreme stereotypes that our culture has set up. Neither extreme really applies to me.

Am I more "manly" when I have to replace the alternator in my pickup truck? When I'm doing yard work? PLEASE! Women do those kinda things all the time. Am I more "girly" when I've got my wig and makeup and my favorite dress on? Well ... yeah I guess. But look around, there are quite a few of us here doing that too.

I am whatever the heck I am. Lately I'm just trying not to get caught up internalizing what everyone else thinks I should be

[Elle1944]

Ah the wars and revolutions I often refer to in my own being in my early life as a cd/tv. After a while you won't or shouldn't be so concerned about your choice of male or female mode, just be yourself. Being self centered, and no pun intended, we are much aware of what others might think of us if they knew. I do believe and kind of know that psychologist's will diagnose such behavior as "bi-polar", those hi's when we think of ourselves as female, and those low's when we think of our male roles, and vice verse, yes we are unique. If we're still in the closet the saddest part of our lives is when we have to remove our polished finger nails, remove all the makeup, take off our breast forms we've worn all weekend and resume our lives as men come monday morning, some of us may very well "under dress" with lingerie under our male attire to suppress the depressive thoughts. Lot's of women, GG, do manly things and some may even resent any implication that they are women and sometimes need a man around the house. Seen a few of those in my lifetime. But I'm sure they don't have the same wars and revolutions as we do, they just do what needs to be done. You will too, in time. Just remember all things in moderation. I found much peace in a spiritual nature, a higher power, a turn off I'm sure for some. Those are things I needed direction from and learned not to think "God" hates me too, like some of our tormentor's. And Aspen, to me, it sure is normal with those feelings, best of both worlds, so I've been told by Generic women.

[samantha rogers]

Here's my 2 cents. Yes, on one hand I can and for most of my life have kept the two quite separate. But I hate it. Pure and simple. Thats where the problems come from. Because separated neither one is quite me. And so there is anxiety and artifice in either.
What I am seeking is authenticity.
What I am seeking is a place of comfort in between where, regardless of how I am dressed, the essential person living inside is centered and balanced and content.
It isn't a matter of how I look, but how I feel inside and how that translates organically into how I act, speak and react to the world. It has been confusing and is difficult.... but I am getting there. It feels good. It feels a little better every day.
It's worth the trouble.:battingeyelashes:

[Farrah]

I can relate! I came out to my wife recently. One day I'm really excited about talking about fashion and being dressed. However, a few days later, she tried to hold a conversation about it and I wasn't really into it. I had to explain the "Pink Fog" to her. I explained when it is thick, I'll probably be her girl BFF. On the otherhand, when its not thick or not there at all, I'm your run of the mill guy. I tell her that makes me complex. So, to answer your question, I think its normal. ;)

[Trishpdxcd2]

For me it is normal. I wouldn't want to give up the fun things I enjoy on either side and I don't really mix them much. When I am a girl, I want to feel completely feminine and when I am a guy I don't.

[devida]

I do think that gender is a spectrum and practically nobody exists at the ends of perfect female and perfect male. Most people are within a comfortable margin of male or female. For transgender people this isn't true. Some of us would like to be entirely the opposite of the gender defined for us at birth and these people transition. Many of us have to just become accustomed to being somewhere between the binaries. For many of us this does change all the time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Somedays I am much more femme, some days a bit more masculine. I use my clothes and makeup to make myself comfortable with the way I feel. I refuse to present myself in a way that is too different from the way I feel. I simply won't do it. It makes me more miserable than whatever perceived indignity at my inappropriate gender presentation people around me might feel. They don't have to live in my skin. I do.

I am what I am and what I am is a verb, not a noun. Nouns are frozen in place, verbs move. Exactly where I am on the gender spectrum changes all the time. Respect yourself, respect your humanity, respect your gender, which isn't male or female but something moving in between these two binaries. If you want respect from others, start with yourself. It is, for you, completely normal to feel more femme one day and more butch another. You are transgender and being transgender is a journey, not a goal, and the journey is fabulous!

[CrossJess]

Im happy enough with my body ive always and luckily looked half and half girly boy like Hovis bread best of both

[samantha rogers]

Davida - Loved what you wrote! Agreed completely!

[Renee Elise]

Not at all weird, at least from my perspective...when I want to get dressed up I like to look and feel as feminine as possible. Sometimes I might go for a stretch of time where I may not dress for awhile, let my beard grow out, etc...I like the analogy of the sine wave very much - rather apt. I view it as having a wider spectrum of self expression than most other guys, and as a result much greater depth of understanding. I find having this femme side helps me stay less tense, prone to vexation, etc. in guy mode. We're all unique individuals and therein lies the fun :-) .

[WhisperTV]

Davida - Loved what you wrote! Agreed completely!
Except it should end as "and the journey is FABULOUS!"

Oh wait, no. That's the gays.

[Tina_gm]

Yes for me. There are times where my masculine side is in control, then other times where I am feeling more feminine and I just seem to notice and relate far better to women. Malls can get weird.... Walk into a mens section, I can get interested in the clothes or sports stuff, tools etc etc... then walk into a womens section and get interested in all that stuff. I think it is likely the nature of being transgendered. almost like a chameleon, we, or at least I tend to blend in with my surroundings or what I am doing, mentally anyway.

[Sc0rp10N]

I reiterate what's been said about balance. I get into trouble when the scales tip too far to either side. You seem to have a pretty good balance I'd say just go with it if that suits you. The older I get the more I seem to come into my own.

oh ain't that the truth! Tipping the scales too far... Every now and then, I'm a bit too macho and my wife gets very annoyed and it comes completely naturally because that really is my personality, but then there are also times I feel I'm pushing the cd thing a little too far, like a week ago when I mentioned venturing out of the house. Its so far, just a bedroom thing for us, even though, the first time I did it, the house was clear of children and I was able to wander around and even step outside for a smoke. So, for the most part, its well balanced, but every once in a while, the scales tip a little.

[Alice Torn]

Gendermutt, A chameleon is what i tend to be, and too often, i am a people pleaser that way, and worry about what others are thinking of me. This is a flaw , and i need teflon, a thicker skin, and i seldom go out dressed because of paranoya and fear of what others think. Sometimes, in male mode also. Part of me wants to blend, and part of me wants to stand out! Is this alla continuum?

[Rachel137]

Oh I so relate to many things you girls are saying!
For me sometimes it is less and sometimes it is more.
I don't know what controls or determines how much and when. But sometimes I am soooo girlie and feel like the woman that is trapped in this body.
And other times feel like a guy but you know never 100%. I am always aware that I should have been and was supposed to have been born a woman.
Sometimes what really brings me down is looking in the mirror and seeing this very male face.
Some days it is all girl clothes and if not then all girl things under my boy clothes. Some days all boy stuff.
Just relax and go with how you feel that day. Know that you can be both.

[Tina_gm]

Rachel, I can relate.... while often times my surroundings and what I may be doing do play a big part in how i am feeling internally, there isn't always a rhyme or reason for it. Some days or parts of a day I will relate almost entirely to women. Other days or such it will be just as a regular man. I am learning to roll with it, but there are times when it gets to be a bit confusing.

[Rachael Leigh]

This for sure describes me, some days I just need my guy time but wow when it hits I want to shop dress and all in girly mode. Most of my personality I have somewhat an all or nothing attitude.
It seems to be very common from reading the other responses

[abby054]

I am definitely familiar with the territory. It is not the only part of life that I do not know what to do about.

" You are the wind. I am the lion...You whip up the sand. It stings my face. I roar in defiance, but like the lion, I must remain in my place. And you, like the wind, will never know yours."
--Sean Connery, "The Wind and the Lion"

[Janine cd]

I agree with all of you that seeing oneself as a man sometime but cherishing your feminine self at other times is perfectly normal. It becomes an issue only when the feminine self takes complete control and the man in you loses it's proper place.

[Christen]

Aspen,

For most of us here I suspect this is very normal. I'm usually totally content with being my male self, albiet with a constant level of envy of everything feminine. Sometimes I dream about how wonderful it would be to be a woman, but reality and dreams are different. Sometimes, too often, I wear women's clothing and the dream comes a bit alive. But I wouldn't throw away my life for it. As Traci mentioned balance is very important.
And I also subscibe to the gender spectrum idea. We are all at different points of the spectrum, sometimes it take a while to get happy with where you are.

Christen x

[Nikki Rich]

For me Crossdressing comes to mind most everyday, some days just a fleating thought some days more. I really want to find the balance I hear about so one or the other doesn't seem so overpowering.

[AmyGaleRT]

It's not weird at all, Aspen. I consider myself "bi-gendered," in that, while I was born male, I have both male and female aspects to my soul, and dressing as one or the other brings those particular sides "to the foreground," while the other side is still present, just "in the background." I am working on being able to interact successfully in the world whether I'm being a man or a woman. (So far I'm succeeding.) Both halves of me are valid, and I need to be able to express both; my male side usually "wins by default," but the woman inside will not be denied for long! :battingeyelashes:

- Amy

[RADER]

When I have to do man things, I am very Happy to be a man.
Than there is the wanting to dress up that makes me can't wait
for the "Day Off" to get dressed and be a Lady for some well deserved time off.
Rader

[Angie G]

I love being girly as much as I can. When I must be my male self It can't be over fast enough.:hugs:
Angie

[Beverley Sims]

Highs and lows are a normal cycle.
Wearing of clothes is all one way, or the other.

No halfway point there.