If your relatives said that your new self wasn't welcome, would you visit them ...

[tina99]

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... as your old self?

I once asked my parents if I could visit them as Tina. They live in another state, and said okay.

If they had said no, I would had told them, "Then I'm not coming."

I won't dress male to pacify others, and I'm prejudiced against people who are prejudiced against transsexuals.

If I wanted to visit them with a partner who was of another race, and they said they that my partner wasn't welcome because of their race, I would not visit them either, because I don't like haters. I would not even visit them by myself.

In the old TV show, "I dream of Jeannie," Jeannie often asked, "Do I please you master?"

My father once said, when I was very young, "I don't live my life to please others."

I don't either.

When my mother, whom I had just come out to on the phone by saying that I had just changed my legal name to Tina, told my father, he called me and said, "I don't approve, but I accept you anyway." Later, when I went to visit them, he said, "You seem a lot happier now." And they both said, "We're just glad you're happy :) .

I didn't have a clue how to explain my transition to them, so that's why I did it that way.

Besides, I figured that if they hated transsexuals, there was nothing I could do to change that.

Before I visited them, I sent them a copy of my new driver's license, which said, Tina ***, Female (with the number blacked out) and another picture of myself. I also sent them a copy of the book, "True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals," which Amazon sells.

I have an intake appointment for SRS with a Dr. Toby Meltzer in Arizona in August. I'll tell them - After I get the surgery.

I don't ask, "May I, Mother?" unless I'm going to do what I want anyway.

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What would (or did) you do, and why?

[kimdl93]

Would it be possible that your parents might want to be there to help you through surgery or recovery?

[lingerieLiz]

There is a lot of difference between someone who is transitioning and someone who dresses as a CD even if they dress a majority of the time.

[Delila]

I wish I could say how I would react. I feel I am in at least a similar position. My family wouldn't react so well. You are a lucky lucky girl.

[Angela Campbell]

I would not visit them. I transitioned and I will never be that other person, I cannot be that other person.

I told my family face to face. I explained it In detail as a medical condition. All are supportive except for 2 of my kids.

[Jorja]

My mother died of cancer when I was only 6 years old. At 14 my father told me I was not welcome in his house. I did not have any contact with him for about 15 years. However, I always made sure he knew my location and how he could contact me. Every time something good happened like job advancement or public recognition, I made sure he knew about it by sending him the newspaper clipping. When I graduated from college with honors I made sure he got an invitation. One day while at work, my father showed up. Without hesitation he gave me a big hug and told me how proud he was of his daughter. From that day until he passed away, we developed a great and loving relationship.

[KellyJameson]

I had to distance myself from my parents because I could not tolerate the mixed messages.

My fathers fear will be that people he associates with will find out and he will be publicly embarrassed.

When I turned twenty one he offered to meet me at a local pub but did not want me to tell anyone I was his child because he did not want them to know he was old enough to have a twenty one year old child

Extremely vain and superficial so not someone strong enough to be proud of having a transsexual child.

With my mother she is more passive aggressive so accepts me while rejecting me but once again I know it is all about her.

I thought my younger brother would accept me because his testes never dropped and he has been taking hormones since he turned twelve. His height is 5'4" and with a total absence of body hair so we have had similar struggles but he turned religious in a big way so I'm an aberration in his eyes because I did not accept "Gods plan".

I doubt he will live to see his thirtieth birthday because he is miserable and obese, where I'm happy and healthy.

Everyone in my family for whatever reasons were invested in my not transitioning but they would always try to make it seem like they had my best interests at heart.

I needed clarity in my own mind so removed myself from the mixed messages.

I need to be either accepted or rejected openly but not something that feels like both.

[Dianne S]

I feel incredibly lucky because every one of my close family members has accepted me unhesitatingly.

Only my wife suffers anguish from this, and that's to be expected, but even so we are trying to stay together.

[PretzelGirl]

Jorja, you got the eyes going.....

I am early in transition but have already been asked this. The answer to me is simple. I am transitioning so I can live as me. If I want to keep going back and forth, well I am already doing that now. Also, once you are on HRT so long, dressing in male clothes doesn't fool anyone. So it becomes a useless effort. I understand where those that ask are coming from because they want to hang on to the old you. But I don't agree with it.

[dreamer_2.0]

...Without hesitation he gave me a big hug and told me how proud he was of his daughter. From that day until he passed away, we developed a great and loving relationship.

I love that story, Jorga.

[tina99]

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My brother and sister both disowned me.

I was uninvited from the last two Thanksgivings and the last Christmas that I lived near them in Seattle.

Relatives and Friends are often two very different things. Some relatives, and also some "friends" are actually only Fair Weather Friends. I think that True Friends/Relatives are the only ones worth staying in contact with. The rest are often prejudiced against transsexual people, and I don't like haters.

For me, relationships with my relatives were often love/hate relationships. I know many couples, including my parents, who have a love/hate relationship.

I lived in Guadalajara, Mexico for a year and a half until 2011. I stayed with a family there for a few days. The wife had transitioned from Catholic to Protestant. When she did, her family disowned her, and she quit a job because she got harassed so bad. That is quite common in Mexico.

Unconditional love is often a myth. The reality is often, "You no longer please me, so I disown you."

In the old TV show, "I Dream of Jeannie," Jeannie often asked her master, "Do I please you master?" If she hadn't pleased him, he probably would have told her to get back in her bottle, and then thrown the bottle back into the ocean.

Relatives, and some "friends" often do essentially the same thing.

[Dianne S]

My brother and sister both disowned me.

I'm very sorry to hear that. I find it extremely sad that someone would do that to you for trying to live an authentic life. And anyway, how would it really affect your brother and sister? What is it to them if you present female instead of male?


Unconditional love is often a myth.

Families and people are all different. I have seen many instances of unconditional love. I've also seen many instances of unreasonable and hurtful rejection. It's just not fair.

[Aprilrain]

I told everyone that I was going full time when I changed my name, that was august of 2011, I haven't tried to look like a guy since. I think it's important to have a full time date and stick to it. My name change just seemed like the obvious time to do it for me.

[Nicole Erin]

My step parents are not so fond of who I became. Mostly step-dad. He is not like this raving prick about it but does not want to be embarrassed. He is kind of awkward to be around so I have not been over in a few years.
Regardless of gender expression, I am not a fan of being told how to dress.

Though my family is really small, no I would not visit as my old self.

[becky77]

No I wouldn't. I made the choice and anyone that can't accept me is collateral damage.
It hasn't worked out that way but I prepared myself to lose all, anything better was a bonus.