Men's or women's bathroom when going out?

[gaby1988]

Hi people. I just registered on this site to share my experiences with you and ask for some feedback.

I am a 25 year old male . I was born biologically a man but in the outside I have female features (Face and body). For this reason, many people in many places mistake me by a girl, some others simply think I am a transexual, and some people (the minority) look at me like they don't know what I am.

I always try to wear unisex clothing. Due to my appareance , very masculine clothing is a little bit awkard for me to wear and I dont consider myself a transexual as to wear female clothing, so I tipically go for skinny jeans, neutral fitted t-shirts, etc.

The big problem to me comes up when I go out to a club or bar and I had to go to the restroom.

Many times it happened to me that when going to the Men's bathroom the security guy would tell me " Hey, the ladies bathroom is that way" or even if I was able to get in, other guys in the bathroom looking at me like "Why is there a girl in the men's bathroom?" . To me though, going to the women's bathroom is not an option, I just dont feel 100% comfortable doing so and I feel that someone is going to scream at me or something like that if I do so.

So what should I do ?

I believe my main problem is that I dont see myself as 100% feminine and I feel like I dont "pass" or "blend" between women when actually other people do see me like a woman (or something very close to that) and they expect me to act like that. The other day a girl tried to introduce me to his brother in a club and she was like "But are you a trans or a woman?" and I was like "I am a boy, I am not trans" and she never understood that I am not trans nor a woman, that I never transitioned, etc.

[Anne2345]

Um, this forum deals with transsexual issues. From the substance of your first post as a member on this site, I have no idea who you are, what your background is, how you identify, or really even what you are asking other than what bathroom you should use. So why don't you tell us a little more about yourself and why you believe this is the appropriate forum for you to post within first? Perhaps then we could be of more assistance.

[Angela Campbell]

If this has been a lifelong thing, why is it an issue now?

best advice I can give is use the one your ID matches.

[Martha G]

I make a good passable woman when dressed. So I just use the ladies room.

[gaby1988]

I will provide more info for you guys to understand.

I was born biologically a man. However, in the outside I have both male and feminine features (more feminine than masculine features) so a lot of people mistake me by a girl even though I dont dress like one (this happens to me during day light, night , clubs, bars, restaurants, hospitals, etc) . I never dressed like a girl actually. I always wore clothing that can be considered unisex like skinny jeans, fitted t-shirts, netrual colors , etc for the following reason:

-If I wear masculine clothing (like baggy jeans or baggy clothing in general), I would look like a girl wearing male clothing or a girl who is a lesbian ( Been told this many times).
- Wearing women's clothing was never an option to me because I dont feel the need to.

So it's not that I am trying to pass as a girl and I try to dress like one, nor do I do anything to physically look like one . I was just born this way.

One more thing: I do like men, I am not into girls or anything. . I enjoy the fact that men like me. Never regreted for what I am.

What I am asking for here is suggestions, what to do in the scenario where I have to choose whether to go to the men's bathroom (an be stared by everyone like "What is this gal doing here?" or even not being allowed by Security people ) or go into the women's bathroom (which I dont feel comfortable with because even though I look like one and I do like men, I am not a girl!)

That being said, I do see myself as an androgynous person.

Here are some definitions I looked up on the dictionary for those who are not familiar with this term:

- Partly male and partly female in appearance; of indeterminate sex:
- Androgyny is the combination of masculine and feminine characteristics
-.being both male and female; hermaphroditic / having both masculine and feminine characteristics./ having an ambiguous sexual identity / neither clearly masculine nor clearly feminine in appearance.

[Kathryn Martin]

Bathrooms are there to pee in. I cannot possibly imagine why you would be uncomfortable in a women's bathroom because you are attracted to men. This is quite frankly a bullshit question. What weird designs do you have in a women's bathroom other than pee or poop?

[Angela Campbell]

So....what have you done for the last 25 years?

[gaby1988]

Bathrooms are there to pee in. I cannot possibly imagine why you would be uncomfortable in a women's bathroom because you are attracted to men. This is quite frankly a bullshit question. What weird designs do you have in a women's bathroom other than pee or poop?

That is not what I meant. I said that I would not feel comfortable going to a women's bathroom because I am not a women, even though I might look like one, I am not.


So....what have you done for the last 25 years?

An androgynous person can easily pull off a more masculine or a more feminine look, depending on what you like the most. You will look good either as a man or as a woman.

For the past year or two, I have been pulling off a more feminine side of me and I recently noticed all these things that happen to me when I go out ,I run some errands, walk in the street or simply interact with men in general. Probably the previous 23 years I focused on having a more masculine appearance because I felt attracted to men and I needed a more masculine look to attract gay males. Now that I discovered a more feminine side of me and that I could actually attract a lot more men than when I looked like a "guy" , I noticed these things going on.

[Aprilrain]

Why is everyone being so nasty?

I think if you identify as male and basically dress as male then use the men's room.

When you say you have a blend of masculine and feminine characteristics what are those characteristics specifically?
Do you have long hair? A feminine face? Slight build? Lack of body hair? Boobs? Curves? Height? Etc.

I've seen some pretty fem looking guys but they were still clearly guys same for masculine looking women.

I have a question for you, which bathroom do you want use, and can we see a picture of you?

[Dianne S]

I am not a woman, even though I might look like one, I am not.

In that case, your best bet might be to head on over to the Transmasculine forum to see what FtM folk do to look more masculine. That will eliminate any ambiguity about your gender and allow you to use the men's room.

[gonegirl]

So what should I do ?

I think it's pretty obvious. Since you identify as a male and are physiologically male then you should do something to masculinize your appearance. Try growing a mustache and cutting your hair short.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Males use the mens room

Perhaps you are overthinking it.. I guess if you feel so femme that guys might give you crap its a personal issue you must deal with but going to the ladies room doesn't seem to solve the problem

simone is right...if you are for real and if you want to fix this...your hair can easily make your gender clear if that's what you really want.

[bimini1]

I am anatomically male. When out dressed presenting en femme I am still male under the clothes. I don't care what my mind is telling me or how much effort goes into my femme presentation, physically, hormonally, my physiology is still male. I still stumble over this issue too. I don't know if I would ever feel totally comfy in a woman's restroom. It's like I would be invading a space reserved for women, even if I was presenting as one, I would feel like its somehow wrong to go in there.

I have been in a couple while out. It was unnerving. I felt I belonged but at the same time did not. This issue can bring out some raw emotions.

[CrossJess]

You and me both sweet lol fem features and dressed as a girl really throws the guards off huh lol but you got to remember that you are still a guy even though you look like a girl, i wouldnt dream of going into a girls toilets and snapping one off haha, you also got to respect the ladies as thats their private area were no man should go

[ArleneRaquel]

For moi always the ladies.

[Tracii G]

Post a pic that might help.
I would say the mens room and the other guys in there can go suck eggs.
If they give you any guff say I'm a male and I need to pee what are you doing in here?
I get that too because I have long hair and dress in mostly womens clothes.
If I am dressed enfemme I use the ladies room.

[Majella St Gerard]

Use the restroom of the gender you identify with.

[NavyM2F_WAM]

So far, I have only had to use the restroom once while en femme. I have been nervous about this issue ever since I started crossdressing. I was at a movie theater here, and I knew I couldn't hold it until I got home. So, I decided that I was going to HAVE to go pee. I got up enough courage to go into the lades' room. Thankfully, no one was walking around (and possibly, no one was in any of the stalls, either), so I was okay. I hurried into the closest stall, shut and locked the door, and remembered that women usually pee sitting down. So, I did. I stayed there for a little longer than needed, because I heard 2 or 3 women come in and use the restroom while I was there. When I got out, I never saw anyone in there. I guess my first time in the ladies' room was a success. However, we will see how it goes with one or more women in there at the same time as me.

[Kate Simmons]

I don't have that issue at the club I go to as the rest rooms are unisex. Otherwise I'd advise to go to the one you are most comfortable in.:)

[Sarasometimes]

So when the security guard said only men why not just say "Dude I'm a guy". Society likes to get clear signals so when you give off unclear ones they need to figure it out somhow and in your case they sometimes see female and others they see male and inquire accordingly. If this bothers you enough you may be happier giving a stronger masculine or feminine signal, your choice of course.
As for what I do when dressed and attempting to blend is, firstly avoid the need, secondly find unisex or single seat restrooms (most Starbucks have them) and if all else fails go for the ladies room, preferably in a low traffic location and be quick.

[Ressie]

I tried on some skinny jeans and looked ridiculous! I'd guess some of us are envious of your fem characteristics. And I'm guessing from your description that you're also smaller than the average man? Can you grow a beard? Put on some weight? Or maybe you don't want to look more manly. Heck, I used to have men whistle at me when I was young just because I had long blonde hair and was thin. I was only trying to look like a hippie musician lol.

[Pat]

Seems to me that if you go into the men's room and step up to the urinal, everyone's questions and concerns will be answered (if they had any.)

[typhoidmary]

I always use the men's. and yes I get the whole "wrong bathroom" thing, and yes it makes me feel anxious using the men's room because I really don't want any attention when I'm trying to go, particularly when some men aren't exactly polite about it. That said, I don't think any woman wants a man using their bathroom so I'd never use the women's on that basis. I'd rather be the one being made to feel uncomfortable than be the one making others feel uncomfortable.

[Ally.Nichole25]

I am wanting to take my boyfriend out while he is dressed and treat him to dinner as a surprise for his birthday...I am just worried he will use the wrong restroom and feel uncomfortable.

[bridget thronton]

That would be my idea of a great birthday date.

[amyjacks2014]

^.^

I have it good! When I am anywhere other than work, I use the men's bathroom, because as someone else
said, *I* would rather be the person feeling a smidge uncomfortable, rather than having women concerned
for their security while in the bathroom because there is a gender-male in the women's room dressed as a
woman.

Having said that, even though my boss made what I considered borderline harassment specification that
I *WOULD* use the men's room, I discovered that the place where I work has a family bathroom downstairs
that works perfectly. If you can find a place that has a family bathroom, then the problem is solved.

Amy M. Jackson

[Beverley Sims]

Try going to the bathroom directed by security, it usually works.

I go to the bathroom associated with the gender I am emulating.

[Krisi]

I think you are creating your own problems and then asking others to solve them for you. This is a crossdressing forum but you haven't indicated that you are a crossdresser or that you go out dressed as a woman.

If your birth certificate and drivers license indicate "male" and you have a penis, the men's room is the one you should be using.

If strangers mistake you for a female and you don't like that, adjust your clothing to be more masculine. And/or, as someone else suggested, grow a beard or mustache.

Simple answers for a simple problem.

[Marcelle]

Hi Gaby,

I see your dilemma in that you look feminine and using the men's room may be a bit awkward but in all honesty if you identify male, are male and have ID to prove it then use the men's room as it is your right. I am guessing from your post you don't identify as "female" so using the women's restroom could also be awkward and if security arrives due to a complaint then you might have some explaining to do. :eek: I have seen some really girly looking dudes in the men's room in my life and to be honest, I might think . . . "hmm TG but out as a guy tonight" but have never thought "What is that girl doing in here?"

So unless you are phenotypically female and not distinguishable from a genetic woman (i.e., breasts, curves, no facial hair, softer features) we (males) all have markers which loudly proclaim us male. Even most of the truly pretty CDers do not actually pass on close contact and, I am certain you have some male features which most will see in the close up light of a restroom . . . not to mention standing at a urinal to do your business is a dead giveaway. :heehee:

Not trying to come off as a wisea%$ here but, in the end if you identify male, use the appropriate restroom if someone says something put on your best guy voice and say "Dude . . . I'm a dude" and that should end the conversation right there. However, if you are inclined to present as female then dress appropriate to the gender and do what the rest of us do if we use the ladies room . . . get in, do your business and get out.

Hugs

Isha

[Ressie]

Why not post a pic so we can….? Oops, with only 3 posts it ain't gonna happen!

How come butch women never use the men's room? hmmmm.

[Claire Cook]

As usual, Isha gets to the heart of the matter and I'd take her advice.

[Pink Susan]

Has to be the Ladies ?? , is anyone really going to use the Male Restroom , wearing a pretty dress and make up

So what anyway ? , we all share the same toilet on an aeroplane

[NavyM2F_WAM]

I was crossdressing last night (after midnight here). I went to the ladies' restroom. This time, there were at least 4 women in there. I even had to wait to use the sink to wash my hands. However, no one said a word to me, in any context, about any subject.

[AmyGaleRT]

When I am being Amy, I use the ladies' room, as is explicitly allowed under Colorado law. I have never had any trouble in doing so, not even in a heavily-trafficked ladies' room in the Colorado Mills mall, some of the ladies in there with young children in tow. Of course, I don't hang about in there unnecessarily; I do what I have to do and exit.

- Amy

[NavyM2F_WAM]

The grown women usually don't say anything, but the little kids give me the weirdest looks, even when I have checked and double-checked my look.

[Aprilrain]

Has to be the Ladies ?? , is anyone really going to use the Male Restroom , wearing a pretty dress and make up

So what anyway ? , we all share the same toilet on an aeroplane

The OP clearly states the he is a boy and he wears androgynous clothes, so no "pretty dresses or make up"

Anyway it's clear that the OP is now gone and this whole thread was made up anyway.

[Carrie R]

I once stood at the urinal. A guy called me an oxymoron! We had a good laugh, didn't bother me a bit.

[StephanieDragg]

i always feel a need to reply to these posts about restrooms, please check the laws in your state regarding this, I live in Michigan, the law here states that I must use the restroom for what I represent on my drivers license, which is male, of coarse I also go to many places that are lgbt friendly, so the issue doesn't come into play at those places or of coarse if a place has a "family restroom" that is always an option, but out of respect for other patrons who may be opposed to having a man enter the ladies room, no matter how passable or not one is, please be aware of any laws in case someone has an issue, like some lady in there with her daughter or something and complains to the management, it could cause one to get one of those special little dots on the sex offender map at worst. I have even asked politely which restroom they would prefer me to use, it is easier to ask for permission than to beg for forgiveness.

[Vickie_CDTV]

If you are a male, and identify as such, use the men's room. It will also keep you out of legal trouble if your gender is questioned or a scene is made.

If you are unhappy about being mistaken for a woman, why do you dress androgynously? Why don't you make your appearance more male, like F2Ms do?

[susmitha]

Recently I had two experiences. I was in drab on both the occasions. Once, I was at a shopping mall. Suddenly, I had to use the rest room. Instinctively, I went to one and found there was no place to stand and pee; but only two enclosed cubicles which could be used as toilets. I was astonished. When I came out, I looked back and saw the nameboard showing that it was for ladies. I felt very happy that I used the correct one, according to my mental gender. In the second case, it was a convention centre and exactly same thing happened. Maybe, mentally I am getting attuned to using the rest room appropriate to my mental gender, without my own conscious knowledge.

[NavyM2F_WAM]

So far, each time I have had to use the restroom while out en femme, I have gone to the ladies' room without thinking about it too much. It is getting easier and easier to just go in there.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gaby, Go to the one that you are presenting as.

[sometimes_miss]

Seems to me that if you go into the men's room and step up to the urinal, everyone's questions and concerns will be answered (if they had any.)

^this. some things are easiest when simplified.

[AKADonna]

I use the restroom that's appropriate for how I am presenting at the time. The only problem I've had with that is when I had to change from F to M in a public restroom - where I go in as a woman and come out as a man! You're bound to get the attention of whoever is in whichever room you choose. (My solution has been to find gas station with lockable, single toilet restrooms and then it doesn't matter so much.)

[VanessaReid]

I work Nights doing deliveries and a lot of places I go to there is no one around ( I have keys ) so I always use the little Girls room on matter how I'm dressed