Advice

[Rachel86]

Until recently I have always considered myself to be simply a crossdresser.

I'm 28 years old now, crossdressed for the first time when I was around puberty age and came for the first time when I was wearing a dress (not on purpose managed to get turned on whilst racing on the playstation and took a corner too vigorously).

I know that this all probably sounds "classic crossdresser". Recently though I have been questioning myself alot more. I realised that I am jealous of women because I'm not one. I feel almost manic at the moment like all I can focus on is am I a woman? I can force myself to do something or think of something else but time to myself and I am back on the same subject. So much so that it makes me want to scream.

I have thought about hormones (not self medicating) and I'm not sure whether I am scared, excited, happy, depressed or all of them.

I guess my question is, is it possible that I am just a crossdresser with "pink fog" or is this the beginning of dysphoria? Do I just need to go to a councillor?

Sorry for the lengthy post and I'm sure you have all seen similar threads started are sick of them...

[Chari]

Rachel, Many here have gone through those exact same confusing feelings, and survived! Each of us must decide where & at what level on the gender scale we are comfortable and confident to express our feminine side. Please consider what gives you pleasure, not only in your femme mode, but as your male self too. To say you are "jealous of women" goes deeper than "because you are not one". Is it their clothes, makeup, their figure, or just their entire way they live their life? Finding, understanding, and accepting who you are is the first step in your journey. It can be an exciting adventure, but will depend on how deep you what to go into the "pink fog". Enjoy.

[DeeArel]

Many of us have and still do go through periods of "am I a woman." In my case, there are lengthy periods where the thought may persist. The old brain says how much easier dressing would be if I had a female body. As complex as being a crossdresser is, transitioning IMHO is far more difficult.

Only you can sort out your particular situation.

[arbon]

Are you seeing a therapist? That would be a good place to start to help figure things out.

[Rachel86]

Hi Chari, I'm really not sure how far I want to go, up until a few months ago I thought I was a regular crossdresser. I am envious of their whole being, clothes, hair, make up, bodies, shoes, you name it. I can't place I just want to be them.

Hi Dee, I don't think it is just "how easy would it be to dress". I picture myself as a woman more often than not. Believe me I am terrified that this could be more, and I am praying I'm just over thinking it.

Hi Arbon, so far no therapist. I think I might need one though...

[celeste26]

One question you might ask yourself is: Do I really have to transition? There are multiple levels of living less than a full transition. If it is clear that you really have to transition, then there is you answer. Making choices where there is no real going back suggests caution.

[KellyJameson]

Jealousy is often created out of our imagination.

The problem is that the imagination rarely captures the actual life of those we are jealous of.

We weave fantasies in our imagination of how those we are jealous of are living their lives.

The reality is much different.

You want to be sure you are not trying to become a fantasy as "a life that you think you could create and live".

Crossdressing seems to be fantasy driven almost like a form of play acting and it is made dangerous by mixing in male sexuality when that sexual desire is for women.

The sexuality acts almost like fuel that feeds the fantasy that is already being fed by the imagination.

To find and know your identity is probably more difficult for those who have had a strong sexual desire for women and who are prone to being seduced by their imagination.

The crossdresser becomes seduced by these two forces coming together and they experience unhappiness that reminds me of withdrawal symptoms when they cannot capture what they are trying to reach (become).

Here are some examples of how women really live.

Are you comfortable being sexually objectived ?

Are you comfortable living in a body that is more difficult to live comfortably in ?

Are you adaptable when you no longer have the brute strength you have relied on so now must make the effort to find clever solutions to old problems.

Mirrors have the potential to be your worst enemy.

You will pay triple for clothing and usually you will not be happy how it fits.

In general you will not have the freedom to walk wherever and whenever you wish unless you can live with that risk.

In general you will more likely be a target for crime because you will be perceived as being less likely to defend yourself.

Transitioning is dangerous and extremely expensive so depending how far you take it you will at the minimum be looking at hundreds of hours of discomfort mixed in with periods of pain where you wish you were dead.

Your history regardless of how well you blend in will always be with you.

In my opinion there is no such thing as one hundred percent stealth so you have to own your history as always living with the possibility that someone will learn you are a transsexual.

Acceptance does not mean that you will actually be viewed by those "accepting you" as a woman and it has been my experience that natal woman will usually "NOT" see you as a woman " as how they define what a woman is".

The only thing in my opinion that makes this all acceptable and possible to live with is if you are fighting to live your identity.

There is no room for imagination, fantasy or sex or you will psychologically and physically destroy yourself.

There can be nothing that comes out of "the man" when seeking "the woman"

You actually must be coming from a place of emptiness and desolation that compels the search for self that was created from living contrary to your core identity and essence from the very beginning.

[Ashley D.]

You need to talk to a therapist.
At one point most all TS felt they were a CD.
And from what I understand a lot of CD feel at some point they may be TS
Only you can answer that but a therapist can help.