What's the "secret handshake"?

[Emi_]

I'm just wondering if there is some kind of indiscrete sign that some place is friendly towards the trans* world.

Think of it as the "Se nabla español" for the trans* world. LOL!

I have seen some places use terms like "t-friendly," or "cds welcome" or the like, but I'm looking for something kind of universal that most of us could look for and recognize.

If there isn't such a sign or symbol, what are some ideas about what it should be? What would you look for on a business card, store window, or website that could tell you that trans* are welcome and respected there without being too conspicuous?

[Kate Simmons]

If we told anyone, it wouldn't be a 'secret" very long, would it? :battingeyelashes::)

[bimini1]

There was some talk on here a while ago I don't know if you recall. Something about wearing a rubber band or purple rubber band so we could at least identify others like us. I think most would be too paranoid to wear an identifying mark like that but I sure would like to know if others around me shared this 'kinship'. An online prescence is one thing but nothing replaces face to face communication and interaction. One thing I've learned by coming on this forum is there are literally hundreds of thousands of us. You never know. We could be coworkers, neighbors. You never know. Some don't want to know.

[AllieSF]

The easiest way is to find some place that offers services or sells something for money. The majority of those welcome everyone, including straight people. Any secret handshake or symbol will become very public once it becomes popular, thus defeating the "secret" side of it. Just go where you want, act properly and enjoy. Bad service, then you don't have to visit them a second time. Any fear you have going into a "T" friendly place should be about the same for a regular general public place. Try it and you will see what I mean. Good luck.

[dianne_1234]

What would you look for on a business card, store window, or website that could tell you that trans* are welcome and respected there without being too conspicuous?

I can easily recognize trans-friendly stores, they're the ones with a sign that says "Open."

[Kelley]

Visa, MasterCard excepted is a good indicator

Kelley

[Emi_]

I am asking because I am a photographer who would like to let my fellow trns* folk know that our studio is a safe and caring environment. While I generally shop for my goods and services anywhere I please, I know that not everyone is at that comfort level. Advertising is against the rules here, but it was hoping to find some symbol or wording I could use on my advertising elsewhere.

[Kelley]

You could put a small trans flag on the door or in the window.

Kelley

[kimdl93]

If we told anyone, it wouldn't be a 'secret" very long, would it? :battingeyelashes::)

What she said.

But seriously, I just check the local LGBT magazine for clubs, restaurants, even Dr.s and plumbers.

[WhisperTV]

You could put a small trans flag on the door or in the window.

Kelley
This seems like a good idea. Words like "privacy", "discretion", "open", "accepting" all seem reasonable to me as well.

And, of course, you could get right to the point and advertise in local LBGT publications. Edit: Opps! Kim beat me to the punch on that one.

[Emi_]

We advertise dress-up and theme days for ladies (pinup days or lingerie days) and we wanted to add something to our advertising that discretely told trans* folk that they are welcome too while not turning off anyone not trans* by not being overly obvious that we welcome trans* clients.

[AllieSF]

How about the colorful rainbow flag next to all your other credit card emblems on the window or in your ads. I do not think that any words would need to accompany that well known symbol. You will also be advertising to a much bigger special audience.

[Michelle (Oz)]

'Open' works for me and I don't want nor need positive discrimination. That said I see where you are coming from Emi. Why try to be subtle? Use words like private sessions available by appointment, or transformations arranged. Go to any TG groups in the region and spread the word.

[Emi_]

The point of being subtle is discretion, not discrimination. It is one thing to not care what people think, but quite another to simply dismiss their feelings. Some folks are uncomfortable with being trans* while others are uncomfortable being around trans*. We are trying to serve as many folks as we can without forcing anyone to feel out of place.

[Adriana Moretti]

Visa, MasterCard excepted is a good indicator

Kelley

yea......pretty much.....

[Vickie_CDTV]

Wanting to let the trans community know you are supportive and accepting is not a stupid idea at all, and as a business owner who works with the trrans community and being a TV myself I can speak from experience on both sides. While your service is not as up-close intimate and personal as mine, it is the kind of business that you want people to feel comfortable and also understand what they may be interested in specifically.

Yes, absolutely advertise in GLBT newspapers and such, maybe sponsor a trans event, get yourself listed in the "gay yellow pages" if you have one in your area. Also, if you have a trans support group, you might want to attend and pass around business cards or even do a presentation if you can. The transgender flag on your door isn't a bad idea (it is not something the average cis person would recognize), some businesses in my area used to display something similar with a "Safe Place to Be Yourself" sign with a gay pride rainbow background (but the trans flag would be more discreet.)

[Deedee Skyblue]

Personally, I stay away from places where they don't accept MasterCard and Visa.

Deedee

[Lynn Marie]

I had a quick, glib answer to Emi's question. I'm glad I read all the responses and didn't make a damn fool of myself. Just because I can afford to no longer worry about what others think sure doesn't negate the discretion that so many of us must demand. Sometimes I forget just how fortunate I am.

[stefan37]

Come on. You want to advertise you are trans friendly say so. Electrologists do it and they seem to very busy as do many other businesses. There is so much secrecy surrounding this topic. And the increase in business from trans friendly folks will more than offset any lost revenue from prejudiced individuals.

[Emi_]

I appreciate Lynn Marie's comment very much. It is true that many forget or ignore just how fortunate it is to be able to move about and act as freely as one desires. For many, there is still a need for discretion and secrecy.

What's more, in a business like mine, one cannot afford to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I cannot simply turn my back on the clients who have been my bread and butter for nearly 20 years just to serve the trans* community. Even further, there is no guarantee that trans* and trans*-friendly clients will be enough to support my business without also taking in non-trans*-related clients.

My hope was that there would be some kind of general idea that could be used by all businesses to showcase our trans*-inclusiveness, but the answers in this thread seem to only show that we ourselves are not fully inclusive of ourselves and are happy to dismiss anyone outside of our individual comfort zones.

[michelleddg]

In looking for photographers willing to do a photo shoot, I found several who stated their posture towards shooting CD's in their FAQ's on their web sites. Hugs, Michelle

[Beverley Sims]

Emi,
It was a good question and as it has been asked before in different ways I think all you can expect are glib answers.
Most of us have learned to live with the problem and we usually find the right spot to shop and deal.

[Jaylyn]

I know what you mean by wanting the business of everyone. I would love a place or symbol or handshake that said I am in business to severe all not just a certain crowd. I think the symbol should be be very small or no intrusive but that we CD'ers would know. Of course as mentioned it wouldn't be long before every one would know and the straight crowd would say I'm not going in there someone might confuse me with a CD..... It's kind of like when I went into a dirty book store once I was looking every where and parked in back so no one would see my pickup.... I didn't want anyone to see me there. Guess it was guilt or something stupid I was feeling. A business owner that just wants business and offers good service to all should not be discriminated against because of a sign or a flag or whatever. We as CD'ers are kind of all in the same boat but with many different kinds of propulsion going on. We are all at different levels in what we want. I would feel better knowing I was going into a store that is discreet and could care less what I'm dressed like. I would enjoy the shopping experience more is they were accepting or even better a CD themselves.

[Cheryl T]

We could tell you what it was, but then we'd have to kill you....lol.

Some way to recognize a sister visually would be a great help, so long as the acknowledgement in public was discreet.

[Veronica Lacey]

Hi Emi...

Michelle's response kind of jolted a thought. Do you feel that much of your business is by people walking by your shop window and saying "Hey, let's arrange a sitting" or do they seek you out in the yellow pages or online? If a rainbow symbol of some kind is not enough to get the message through them perhaps just the notes in the FAQ is a simple way to begin?

Good Luck!


In looking for photographers willing to do a photo shoot, I found several who stated their posture towards shooting CD's in their FAQ's on their web sites. Hugs, Michelle

[Eryn]

There actually is a symbol, developed by the Human Rights Campaign:

226768

I don't worry too much about places being friendly or accepting. In the mainstream I've never had an experience worse than someone accidentally referring to me as "Sir," and that has only happened a couple of times in as many years.

[Aeslyn]

I can easily recognize trans-friendly stores, they're the ones with a sign that says "Open."

lolforever...