Honesty... Yes!! It Works!!!!

[Melora]

Hello Sister CDs..
Wow it has been a Long while since I have written on here!
A LOOOOONG Going topic on this forum is "Should I tell Her"..
I can Not say to Tell her After Being With Her for a while.. I would say YES!
However, I can understand the circumstances where you say no, I can not do that.. I understand.
When last I wrote, I was separated and going through a divorce.
The Separation between the Ex-Wife and I is at least 50 percent on Me, because I deceived Her for over 16 years! The Other 50 percent is because of other things, which is not really for this place.. However..
I met a girl about 3 weeks ago, who I hooked up with. I told her straight out in the beginning, in the phase of getting to know one another, what I am, a CD/TV.. She was totally Cool with it! Heck, she even has the exact same shoe size as me and has moved in to my place and has threatened to even Dress Me up and take me out! She has over 90 shoes!!! Awesome for me! Yay!! :battingeyelashes:
Anyways...
Since "Telling HER" is Always a discussion upon this site, All I have to say is this.. "TELL HER!".. As soon as you can, Just right After some intimacy, IF you feel that IT Feels RIGHT... But DO so, as soon as you can.. It IS a 50/50 Bet.. She will either Love you or Hate you for it...If Not.. Then Oh well... More fish in the river!
At any rate, PLEASE TELL The girl Up Front!
She MIGHT just Thank You for it, in Many more ways than one, Or just Blow you off!
Find a Girl who Will Accept YOU for being YOU! That is All that I can say!
For the Gurls that are Hiding it.. I Feel for You, but I do not know what to do..
However, Honesty IS the Best Policy!
Katie

[avant1465]

I'm am now spending time with a lovely SO, who I told - early on - that I C/D'd. She was oh-so accepting... and likes that I can be ALL of myself, when she and I are together..... In fact, (as I've mentioned here, previously), upon arising in the AM, and taking coffee and the newspaper, she EXPECTS me to be en femme.... and - one day when I failed to appear so - she asked me: "Where's Diane today?" She's a lovely lady..... and I wouldn't trade her for 6 (or more) Taliban detainees!!!!

[Aviatrix]

That has been my same exact experiences over the past 10 or so years. Before getting to know someone, before becoming overly attached, I let them know about this little part of me. I only had one that thought it was odd (of about 5). Although none except the last one panned out for marriage, none of the relationships ended because of my crossdressing or dis-honesty. Think the dis-honesty is the biggest thing that hurts relationships, especially those that have been going on for years. Me personally, if my SO did something like that to me I would wonder what else is she/he hiding from me and why couldn't I be trusted from the beginning. I have been surprised how many people actually don't care one way or another that someone is a crossdresser. The hardest part is for us girls to get the shame and embarrassment that was taught to us at younger ages out of our heads. Times have changed, it's a much politer and accepting society. I've seen that just from my few weeks of reading other's experiences on here, not to mention my own!!

For those who don't think so, how will you teach your children to think about and treat "people like us?" If your child was transgendered, or just a crossdresser, would you support them fully or try to have them keep it private and be scared to venture out?

I hope the relationship keeps growing Melora! It's great having an accepting, supporting, and encouraging SO! Make sure though you give her just as much!!!

--Charlene

[Melora]

Yes!
Honesty IS the best policy!
But, in a Beginning relationship it is Up-most for things to work..
We have seen Soo Many stories on here about "I wish I told Her", OR "Should I tell her"!!
I Know that "Should I Tell Her", can BE Difficult, But it IS a gamble, But However, is Love Not a Gamble too?
Tell Her!! Is all that I can say.. I Lost once, with not knowing the rules of roulette, and laying the cards in front of my possible Significant Other!
Katie

[Robyne Rocks]

(Hi, I'm new here)

I'm a GG married to a CD, and I've pretty much always known about my husband's dressing (also I enjoy it just as much as he does). As I just posted elsewhere, I would never have married him if I had reason to believe he was not being honest with me. I wholeheartedly agree that honesty is *always* the best policy.

Consider this: If you truly care about your wife's feelings and happiness, why would you then rob her of the opportunity to choose the life she wants? If she can't be happy being married to a crossdresser, and you can't be happy without dressing, there's nothing wrong with either of those things, but the individual should be able to make an honest and informed decision. If you love them, let them choose. And if you love YOU, let yourself BE you, without shame or fear.

That's my two cents. :)

[Teresa]

Melora I'm glad that you could be honest in your new relationship, it could have gone two ways and you were lucky.
Tinkerbell posed the honesty question in LOVED ONES section about not telling her H that she had discussed his CDing with close friends, I backed her up because she had a right to come to terms with the problem.
I've gone as far as I can with discussions with my wife, I'm still not being totally honest with her, she doesn't know all the facts, also she doesn't know about the forum. So do I now push it to tell all and finally destroy my marriage that I've managed to get back on track, the ball is more in her court to talk to me ! I now have more to lose than gain in saying anymore!
Part of Sarah's thread also dealt with honesty even as a therapist she stated it's almost impossible for a CDer to be totally honest ! I know some of the lies I live with I end up believing because its the only way to get through when it hits rock bottom !
Can I live with myself ? Yes ! If I hadn't lied sometimes I wouldn't be here to live with anyone !

[Jaylyn]

My wife knew that I loved to dress from time to time early in our relationship. I told her as we were dating that I loved makeup and how she dressed. She told me that it was ok as long as it didn't come between our love for each other. She is very accepting as we have been married over forty years. I really don't take advantage of the dressing but she sometimes out of the blue tells me to go and get dressed and we have some fun. I'm still not out as I said I'd never embarrass her so we just play and sometimes me by myself. She lets me use her things and she has even borrowed some of my clothes. Maybe sometimes at our age we just accept things others see as problems. The truth is always the best policy.... Up front as quick as you can.

[Katey888]

I'm happy for your enthusiasm and your success in finding an understanding SO, Katie - that's got to be good for you after what sounds like a traumatic time... :cheer:

But revealing all is not for everyone... nor is it necessarily the best thing to do as everyone's circumstances are different... :)

Of course honesty is best... and I'm sure it works - sometimes, but not always... and the 'sometimes not' cases may have been better to avoid.

We all have a choice - and the right to exercise it the way we see fit for our situation. :)

Katey x

[Christen]

Good advice. And good for you and your GF!!

Christen x

[Ally.Nichole25]

Good advice! I'm so glad my boyfriend was honest and open about it with me! He has given me the chance to be a loving support system for him!(:

[Paula_Femme]

Congratulations Melora, I so glad things worked out for you! I've CD'd on and off since my early-mid 20's and have always been up-front with any potential partner, sure, it's cost me a few potential relationships, but better to know in the beginning than have a relationship implode amidst accusations of lies and deceite at a later date!

Good luck to you both!!! :)

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

I agree with Honesty being the best policy. I know that there are times and circumstances that make the decisions for us and we aren't able to be totally honest with folks. I told my wife the night we met that I am a CD and we talked about it and after a bit less than a week, i helped her move in and a couple of months later she found us a nice trailer. I met her family (very judgmental) and she and I had a good time and laughed with each other because all the males in her family were of the opinion I was/am a mass- murderer and we left it at that. (i only murder bugs with my windshield) She is very understanding and helpful and has taught me how to put on makeup with out a mud trowel.

[Katie01]

I've recently shared with my GF and she is very accepting and supportive. She's kept it light and in perspective for me, as I tend to over think things. I'm pretty sure this was the right thing to do. I didn't tell me ex wife of 26 yrs. and I now wish I had. She trusted me completely but I'm sure at some level knew there was something I was withholding. This troubles me. On the other hand, as my therapist told me... There is a difference between secret and private. Some things are just a private matter.

[Princess Grandpa]

I love stories with a happy ending!

Hug
Rita

[Beverley Sims]

Melora,
I do agree with your sentiments and when you have a good outcome euphoria sets in.
Sometimes the reaction is not so good and that is sad.

[Wifeofdonna]

Yep, I agreed. This all true. Now we are working thing out together. He honest with me and I be honest with him. Before he were CD with out me knowing. I get too upset and confuse what is he doing the girl cloths. He were no commication with me and he hiding. It's make me worries what going happened his further woman body. He was "Pink fog". I just want him to slow down. I was upsetting he spend lots of money on woman things. My mind wanted to take my 3 kids and husband to holiday in Gold Coast. Now, he accept we should go for holiday and we are saving for holiday.

Tomorrow, I'm taking him to shopping together I am excited to buy him new girl cloths. He is so happy!! I am so happy. I want him as Donna go out. Make him happy. Tonight I teach him make up.

[abby054]

Honesty is a two- way street. I can be honest, but my wife can be honest also. Her version of honesty, regardless of topic, is blunt and outspoken. Her shrink encourages her to be "assertive" and "proactive". Cross-dressing is bad, to put it concisely, and I am bad for engaging in it. That must be said loudly, forcefully, and at every opportunity. A compromise, if one is to be made, is DADT, avoid creating opportunities. So I rent a storage unit and keep the peace. Be careful out there.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Katie, It's true that honesty is the best policy.

[Marcelle]

Hi Katie,

Yup . . . honesty is a good thing and that includes in all aspects of our life. It has worked out for you and you have potentially found a soul mate and that is a good thing. However, telling someone something early on in a relationship could as you say go both ways and it could go south very rapidly. I think each person has to determine what is right for them at a given point in their lives. Some people don't even truly understand what is going on with them . . . heck it took me 32 years from the first time I dressed (suppressed from that point) to figure out what was going on . . . married my lovely wife and told her 24 years into our marriage once it all came crashing down around me.

I agree in principle that if you are 100% comfortable with a theoretical stranger knowing you intimate secret (i.e., you don't care who knows) and you are prepared to flip that 50/50 coin and move on to the next relationship and try again then honesty is a good policy. However, if you are confused, not sure and are having a hard time figuring yourself out the better part of valor suggests you abstain from serious relationships and figure yourself out before announcing to a potential mate you like to wear women's clothing. All I can say is tread lightly because two parties could wind up hurt in the end.

My two cents

Hugs

Isha

[~Joanne~]

But revealing all is not for everyone... nor is it necessarily the best thing to do as everyone's circumstances are different... :)

Of course honesty is best... and I'm sure it works - sometimes, but not always... and the 'sometimes not' cases may have been better to avoid.

We all have a choice - and the right to exercise it the way we see fit for our situation. :)



I agree with Katey. One of the biggest things here is about being honest but honesty is a two way street also yet it is spoken here time and time again as if it's only one way.

Here's the thing that is almost NEVER taken into consideration when we talk about this topic over, and over, and over, and over again....for a lot of us, this didn't develop until we were WELL into a relationship. Seeing that is is considered abnormal (which heats me up a bit) we are always riddled with fear and guilt and for most of us, we believe that this will go away. Surely it should come to the forefront when you realize (and accept) finally that it is not but that alone could last for years, the denial.

We all know what the end results of "telling" may bring down on you, why would you lay all of your cards on the table at the very beginning of something that may not turn into anything to begin with? How many times have you been dating someone to find out they weren't the person you thought they were? weren't they not honest from the beginning themselves?

Granted I have told my SO almost two years ago now and I wish I had been stronger of a person to have told her a long time ago, had more trust in the person she is but more so had the courage to accept that this is who I am. Had I , I wouldn't have hidden all my clothes, dressed secretly, or did a lot of lying trying to cover up the tell tales left behind....but hindsight is 20/20. I knew she was stronger, and smarter, than most women I have ever met and holding this back was a mistake but the fear can become overwhelming at times. She has accepted this unconditionally, supports me, and encourages me to be myself.

I wish we all had this but that is not the case. Each girl here MUST decide for themselves if telling is the wisest thing for their own situation. There is no rule saying that you have to lay all your cards on the table while the other may have a few aces up their sleeves they haven't shown yet. I do however agree that You should NEVER walk that aisle before all cards are on the table so both know what they are getting into but not until that point in time.