On HRT 4 years but ...

[pose007]

I have been on hrt for close to four years now, but am living my life as a male, still. I have a thousand legitimate reasons such as extremely tall (6'4"), family, money etc etc etc, but what worries me profoundly is the knowledge that the business I run and own, which I love, would falter if I transitioned openly. I would not realistically be able to continue working in the business and community I have been a part of for 25 years now. So the big question is - then what. Who do I become? So I transition and live openly as a female and then what. I worry that I would be an empty shell - a female one which is what I want, but living for what? This may sound silly, but I need more than 'just' living as a female.

[arbon]

I would not realistically be able to continue working in the business and community I have been a part of for 25 years now. .

Why is that? Are you sure you would not be able to?

[Angela Campbell]

Instead of thinking "I will lose my job" or "what if I don't pass" or "what if I can't afford procedures"

try deciding what you want, then figure out how to get it. It can be done. It isn't easy, but it can be done.

[PretzelGirl]

I worry that I would be an empty shell - a female one which is what I want, but living for what?

What is it you are looking for in life? If you think you would be an empty shell if you transition, then maybe you shouldn't. What has being on HRT given you? Are things better off now or were they better off before HRT? I don't see in here what makes you happy. I only see thinking of what could negatively happen.

What will make you happy Pose?

[Inna]

If this is your sentiment then truly you should remain as you are. All the reasons are legitimate and substantiated. You see, being true to your self isn't about preserving existence, but allowing truth emerge and bring light into life and through such bring love onto self, despite the consequence.
Truth isn't for fearful, nor contentment, truth is for rapture, truth is despite pain, anguish, loss, and turbulent upheaval. Truth is for its own sake!

[Rianna Humble]

Pose, you will often read the advice not to transition if you do not need to or if you have other things that are more important in your life than becoming recognised for the woman that you know yourself to be.

It seems to me from what you wrote that running your business as a man is more important to you than transition, and so is your current standing in your community.

You say that you want a female shell, yet you are happy being a man with the status that this gives you even after 4 years of hormones. Have they changed your body so little?

Whether or not you transition, you will be welcome here as a member and we will be happy to offer you what support we can.

Perhaps you could tell us more about why you are taking hormones and yet prefer to live as a man?

[pose007]

thank you for your responses. Why did I start het? I couldn't not do it is the best way to describe it. I simply had to and I can't ever imagine stopping. The changes have been quite dramatic actually. My body and mind are not congruent with those of a male anymore. Given my age (50+) and my late start with hrt my facial bone structure is still clearly that of a male. I reread my op and can see now why your comments are mostly negative regarding my need to transition. I work in the art world and one doesn't have to be a man to do what I do. I have run my business for a very long time and I am very aware of what it takes to eek out a living in it so when I say that I could not realistically continue to make money with my own business if I transitioned I know I am right. Angela, I am precisely at that point where I know what I want and am trying to figure out how to do it. For the moment, that is where I am stuck. Usually, if I set my mind to it I have a way of getting what I want, but I just haven't figured it out yet. I am however very slowly progressing towards a transition.
I guess I was hoping for some encouragement on how to deal with upending your life. The empty shell comment was not a good one.

[LeaP]

I don't know why you think being male is necessary to make a living. I don't doubt at all that you know your current business extremely well, but it is also true that there are successful women in the art world. Gallery owners. Artists and artisans. Curators. Dealers. Auctioneers. Teachers. Critics. I don't envy anyone trying to make a living in the arts, but it should be possible for you. If you are a tenor opera singer, male dancer, or something else where your sex is intrinsic, of course, all bets are off.

There are areas in which men dominate, but then there are also those in which women dominate. Are your skills and knowledge transferable? Are you in the visual, performing, decorative, applied, commercial arts ...?

[stefan37]

I own my business. Transition is the best thing I could have done to help make it a Success. My customers , employees, suppliers are all accepting even if they don't understand it. I meet new clients on a weekly basis and have no trouble interacting off closing the sale. Transition is what you make it. Own it and people can see the positive energy and react favorably to that energy

[Angela Campbell]

Yeah, figuring out how is the hard part sometimes. Being an engineer I did what I do. I analyzed the options, and made plans, gathered materials and resources and did what I could. The fear is the thing that slows most of us down, getting past that is the thing. Very few of the things I feared turned out to be a problem.

[StephanieC]

The one unfortunate thing I've learned about life is that it requires hard work and, sometimes, compromise. We would love to snap our fingers and replace the bad with the good but I'm not sure that's possible. Oftentimes, it takes a lot of time to make progress but I think the most important part is to decide what direction you want to take:the pace and the path can be at your choosing and you can make mid-course adjustments.

Try to decide where you have to go, make a start, and take one step at a time. And be patient.

[Dianne S]

I own my business.

I was really interested and inspired that you transitioned as a business owner. I too own a small business (around 10 employees) and plan on transitioning. It gives me hope that it worked out well for you.