Primary or Secondary?

[MandyTS]

Hello girls (and boys),

I have been thinking all morning about transgenderism and transexualism, motivated by planning (or not planning) my next 5 years or so of my life. I am in a difficult situation, life will not allow me to transistion right away, mainly due to a two probation status in my new job starting in September. After probation I am under tenure and fully protected through California state Anti-discrimination laws in regards to transgendered behavior.

I read an article whos link has been posted before about what is gender and transgendered. There was this little chart (see link http://www.transgendercare.com/guidance/what_is_gender.htm ) about CD vs TG vs TS. Now we all know I don't fall into any of those cats, but what struct my attention was primary vs secondary trans. When I was young and throughout life I never throught anything about my sexual organs or about being male or female, I was male and that was it, but I was not macho, etc. Now the definition says that to be primary you never develop a male primary sex identity... I seem to have developed a male identity on the outside, although without hormones there were no conflict.

Throughout my life I had no idea on what I was, I wore girls clothing, etc but never for a sexual response (how could I have one anyway). When the doctors pumped hormones in my body I had sexual urges, but I very really found pleasure in them. It was not until college (late) that I realized pleasure in "sex", basically mastribation, and even then it just felt good, kvery simular to the smooth feeling of a skirt, etc. Of course the "sexual fantisies" were not about sex with woman, but as a woman with a guy... remember I have no hard wired sexual orientation.

I feel like I am entering a transistion stage of TGism for a few years until I turn 26 or 27 when I can fully transistion. Knowing this am I primary or secondary or is it a wash?

Thanks as aways!

Mandy

[Maria D]

Personally, I think everyone is in their own little box, alone. There are some boxes that closely resemble 'some' or even 'most' people, but they don't cover everyone perfectly.
I am ME, and if anyone wants to put me in a box, so be it. But the box is not 'me', it doesn't define me, it doesn't control my behavior and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't mean anything.

That's just my view though :)

Take care
Maria
xxx

[KatieKaboodle]

:clap: YAAAAAY! :clap: Someone agrees with my theory of individuality! :clap:

Seriously, I only use labels superficially to give people a gist of what type of person I am. I don't think ANY label can accurately describe ANY one person out there; the stereotypes are too strict for ANY of them.

Katie

[Elizabeth]

Hi everyone,

The primary clue that someone TS is the fact that they beleive they are actually the gender opposite of what thier body actually is. This fundemental beleif is the central element. It is us who tell the psychologists that we are transsexual, not the other way around.

What we are talking about is, at what age did you figure out that the feelings you were having were because you had the wrong body. I do not recall when I figured it out, but I know that by the time I was 9, I read an article in Readers Digest about a woman trapped in a man's body. I instantly could relate. That was the first time I recall actually putting it all together. From that point on I knew I was a transsexal. I knew I was never going to tell anyone. There was no way I could survive by myself. I assumed that anyone finding would mean being completely segregated from society. I held this beleif until May 2004 when I came out of the closet.

I am not sure what that means because clearly I knew early in life that I was in the wrong body, but it was not until later in life that I decided I would rather be dead than to not get to be the person I was truly meant to be.

Does it really matter.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[MandyTS]

My therapist said today that these were old terms and they don't really apply anymore. We had an interesting coversation in regards to time frames. I am actually going to take things real slow and move into a new role smoothly as possable. I am 24 now, I hope to be in RLT by the summer after I turn 28 years old.

We all have to find out about ourselves someway and unfortunitly labels are a part of that... if we could just forget.

[CaptLex]

Mandy,

I thought about you this weekend. Sunday night I was watching Grey's Anatomy (a show I never watch 'cause I find it more like a soap-opera, and not as much about medicine as I would like). Anyway, there was a teenager who they found out was intersexed when they biopsied what they thought was an ovary and found out it was an internal testes.

The parents wanted the surgeon to remove "any boy parts" (as they put it) when they went in to remove a tumor, without telling their child (which they had raised as a daughter) what they had found. The teenager had told one of the interns that she/he felt different and like a "freak", which the intern related to because he had been a big geek in high school. When the doctors realized the truth, the surgeon refused to comply with the parents' wishes (basically SRS) and the intern refused to lie to the teen.

The parents didn't think their "daughter" could handle the truth (since she/he had already attempted suicide), but in the end the teen found out the truth and not only took it well, but was clearly relieved. I think most of us can relate to that relief when it finally makes sense to us (if not to anyone else). So the kid took a pair of scissors to her/his long hair and the mother accepted the change by helping with the haircut.

I know it was just a television show, and these things are too easily and quickly resolved on television, but I was happy that the episode was handled well and without making us seem like freaks. Mandy, I hope you (as well as the rest of us) can find the answers that fit us best too. :)