How to handle seeing him dressed for the 1st time.

[Ally.Nichole25]

I am going to be seeing my boyfriend all dressed up for the first time and I am not sure how to handle it. It is going to be so different seeing him dressed and I am scared that I wont be able to handle it. I love him more than anything in the universe and I want to be as supportive as possible but I am scared that my opinion will change after this happens. I need some advice...Please help! :straightface:

[Eryn]

If it helps, just think of it as meeting another person, not your boyfriend.

You love him and it is unlikely that seeing him dressed will change that markedly. In fact, the fact that he has brought you into this special part of his life will probably make your relationship stronger.

People in relationships handle such situations differently. When I'm dressed, my wife and I are friends and treat each other as such. Other people take different approaches. You and your boyfriend will find a way that works for the two of you.

[Farrah]

My wife hasn't had the chance to see me dressed. However, we have discussed it. I was a bit apprehensive, but she said that she would just treat me like one of he girls. I'm still nervous, but she continues to reassure me that she's going to be ok with it. I certainly hope so!....I hope everything works out well for you and your S/O.

[Rhonda Jean]

I'm not speaking from experience on this, but do you think it would be easier if you helped? Start to finish, from the skin out. Then it'd be gradual. Also, have fun with it! A few bottles of wine would probably be a good idea. It certainly shouldn't be all dead serious. We're supposed to enjoy doing this!

How about warming up to it over a period of time. If he doesn't already shave all over, that's a pretty benign thing to start doing all the time, not just for dress up. Same with wearing panties and keeping his toes polished. If he's got pierced ears, let him wear some of your earrings, at least when you go out if not all the time. By all means, get his brows done! Everybody looks better with their brows done. If his hair is long enough to do anything with, get out the rollers or the curling iron. If you get used to seeing this kind of thing all the time, I wouldn't think it'd be much of a shock to see him fully en femme.

I don't know why there should be a "Bus driver, move that bus!" moment. The "big reveal" is unnecessarily dramatic.

[Paula_Femme]

If it's any consolation Ally, he's probably as scared of your reaction as you are; that was certainly the case for me the first time my girlfriend met "Paula," even though I'd been open about my crossdressing from our very first contact.

Has he shown you any photos of himself en-femme? I had shown my girlfriend photos of "Paula" the first time time we met face-to-face to gauge her reaction; her initial comment was, "Wow, great legs!!!" :battingeyelashes:

I remember someone else had seen her boyfriends closet and actually picked out the outfit he'd wear the first time they met, that seemed to reduce her apprehension as I recall, but with the best will in the World, it's still going to be pretty nerve-wracking for the two of you!

Try not to stress TOO much, and good luck to you both!!! :bighug:

[Ally.Nichole25]

He has shown me some pictures of him as "Sarah" and he looks great! I'm just nervous of seeing it all in person. But know matter what, im still going to love him and support him. Thanks for the great advice!(:

[CrossJess]

Lol so lucky i wish i had a crossdressing bf, but yea cross that bridge when you get to it my sweet, you may find that you like him dressed, im guessing he is going full on fem then, i must admit i think i would rather bring it in slowly rather than go full on too soon because it can be a bit of shock knowing how he dressed before as a guy then all of a sudden hes gone full fem and looking totally different, just see how it goes but warn him you may be uncomfortable with it first off and need a bit of time to get used to it

[Ameli]

I believe that love conquers this type of thing and you shouldn't worry too much about this. The fact that you are sensitive about your reaction speaks volumes. My wife and I found that it was easier to have something else to focus on, so we would cook dinner together or play a game or watch a movie instead of just staring at search other. Maybe that will help take away the awkwardness of the first meeting. My suggestion is for you to honour the first time with a small gift. I bet your bf would love a necklace or something that shows you support this part of his life. The first hug and kiss will also fill your partner with joy, I know it did for me. Please let us know how it goes.


Ameli

[Sc0rp10N]

My wife was "awed" by my first fully dressed presentation. I had worn little club dresses previously, but no make up, no breast forms, etc. She said I looked like a completely different person. BUT refuses to allow me to adopt a girl name, which, I'm not hell bent on. I think it was such a drastic change for her, she had to put the brakes on a little bit. No biggie, we can talk again later. Just fyi, it might be a huge surprise. My wife smiled ear to ear all teeth as she told me what she thought about it that first time and that made all the difference in the world.

[Beverley Sims]

Th first times I have experienced with girlfriends has always been positive in the extreme.

I might add they had reinforcement from others beforehand.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Hi, Ally, it is great that you are willing to do this. Maybe pick the part that you think will be the most jarring, and ask your boyfriend to pass on that particular area the first time you guys are together with him dressed. For example, if you think the thing that will affect you the most would be boobs on your guy, ask him to dress without forms the first few times. Or makeup or a wig, or whatever else scares you the most. Get comfortable with her without that one scary thing, and then after a while, have her go all the way.

Another thing that might make you comfortable is to help her put on her makeup - that way you can watch a gradual change and you can be sure he is still 'there'...

Deedee

[Di]

Just remember this......they will be just as nervous as you and prob more so.
Do what makes you most comfortable....help in getting ready if a gradual way is best for you. Just do what makes you both comfortable.I just opted seeing her in all her glory meeting me at the door our first time. Relax, enjoy maybe have a casual night sipping wine and doing each others nails...or cook together....whatever it is relax.:hugs:

[hope springs]

When dressed up i like to be treated and respected as a woman. This is a potential problem for significant others. You have only ever known them as a man. Everyone's relationship is different so take this with a grain of salt. I would treat him like a very close female friend. Talk, open up, share. Bonding and intimacy are very important to my femme self and suspect he would appreciate those atributes as well.
Dont be afraid to laugh and joke with each other while he is en femme. My wife cracks me up all the time while im dressed and i feel closer to her for it.

[Kate Simmons]

You are a very pretty woman Ally. Hopefully he appreciates you. I agree with Di. Just relax, be yourself and everything will be fine. Many women don't have the luxury of their man being in touch with his feelings.:)

[Krististeph]

I would suggest possibly telling your boyfriend exactly what you said here- this IS unchartered territory for the both of you, and its not like there is a lot of social media or discussion about it. You both need to be aware that there will probably be some false starts & mistakes: words not taken as they might be meant and perhaps a little heightened sensitivity.

Take the time to get used to each other- and I would suggest you both keep a journal- just write down your thoughts- that can be shared with each other. Journaling and thoughtful reflection are a big part of experiencing something new- remember that you want each other to read it: it's a great place to clarify any words or actions that might have been misunderstood, or to say that you wished you had reacted different, and the like.

This is a part of your boyfriend, regardless of whether or not he is wearing female or male clothes. He empathizes with some part of femininity, or what he perceives as femininity, and wants to experience or express it.

If you get turned off or grossed out at first sight (you won't), you need to understand that he may need your help in looking like the image you would like- he may need some fashion help. But for now- just think of it as a dress up costume- get dressed up yourself- and have a fun night in or out! Remember how you felt a little insecure wearing that new dressy outfit, does it really fit well, does it over-emphasize my bum, etc? Multiply those feelings be about 5, and add another whole category of insecurities on top of it. If something about his look turns you off, consider ho you might go about telling him in the same manner as how you would tell your one of your female best friends that something didn't work.

He'll probably like being treated the same way you would treat a girlfriend, the honesty, candidness, & closeness that girlfriends share.

Or think of it as having a girlfriend you can be attracted to, but without having to go as far as exploring bisexuality. Of course, if you are bi-curious, this can be a rather fun and easy way to explore it without as much "personal" risk... even though it is not really the same thing.

Pretend it is part of a role playing game: get him to do things guys generally do not think of much, the little things, like: putting the lid down on the toilet seat, keeping your room or apartment cleaner and tidier, better grooming, changing the T.P. roll before needed.

You can also coach him on behavior and mannerisms: read up on the "how to act (be) a..." forum answers. Google 'how to act like a... (lady; debutant; southern belle; cheerleader; model; co-ed...)

Have fun!

[DonnaT]

Be honest with yourself and your husband. Some women can't handle the change, no matter how hard they wish to try, and instead of being honest, pretend all is OK, until it gets to be too much.

My wife (1975) thought I looked pretty, and suggested that if we had a daughter, she would be very pretty, which turned out to be true. Now, she prefers I do not wear the wig and makeup around the house.

[Laura28]

He is very lucky that you are so supportive. My wife still has no desire to see me in person fully dressed, yet she likes when i send her my pics all dressed up?? I dont understand it but i am guessing in time she will come around. She says she loves the pics but does not want to see in person????

[ReineD]

I love him more than anything in the universe and I want to be as supportive as possible but I am scared that my opinion will change after this happens.

People look at alternate gender expression one of two ways: either they have an open mind about it, or they don't. And the messages we got about gender expression while we were growing up, have a lot to do with how we look at it as adults.

So fundamentally, ask yourself how you are prepared to see your boyfriend: as a male who is outside the box and willing to get in touch with his feminine side, or as a male who shamefully expresses a femininity that men should not express.

If you tend to think the former, then you should be OK. You'll see your boyfriend's spirit no matter how he presents. But if you think this is shameful, then you may have a more difficult time with it than someone who doesn't.

So my advice is to keep an open mind. :)

[Sarah Doepner]

Plan to do something once he is dressed so the whole encounter isn't you having to stare at him. There is more to your relationship that just looking at one another, so have something in the fridge to drink, some snacks or treats you can sit down and chat over. Anything that can distract the two of you from the obvious, will allow you to connect on something else. Slowly you can get into the conversation and ask the questions you need to ask and reinforce the support you have for him.

If it goes well, it's very likely that he will fall into a pink fog and want to repeat the experience as soon as possible. Your judgement will be important here and it will be necessary to let him know when you have reached your limits and want your boyfriend back. It may be good to have him read the comments on your two most recent posts, just so he knows you aren't just coming up with this totally on your own. By the way I think he has chosen a wonderful name. :o

[kimdl93]

Well, if seeing what you've heard about doesn't change your perspective somewhat, then you're not human. But it's also possible that you already have a mental image of him dressed in your mind. Reality may not be as disconcerting.

Don't be upset with yourself if your visceral response is something other than you hope for. This is a first. It's bound to feel unfamiliar, possibly something worse.

But it's only a beginning.

[MonctonGirl]

It's just Halloween a little sooner ... and more frequent ... have fun with it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ally, It's like the old saying goes, Love conquers all.

[Marcelle]

Hi Ally,

A bit late to this thread but I asked my wife how she sees me when I am dressed. She told me that while it is sometimes hard to see beyond the make-up and wig, she knows that I am still there so the clothes, make-up and wig are only an exterior, the interior (me) stays intact in her mind's eye.

Hugs

Isha

[KellyJameson]

It could affect your sexual attraction for him. A lot of the clothing for women is clearly designed to make them more sexually alluring to men.

This can be disconcerting to a woman if she is attracted to masculine appearing men.

Think Harrison Ford at his best and now picture him in a mini skirt,nylons and heels.

It can be an emotionally jarring experience.

If I was in your position I would ask him to dress very conservatively with a skirt below the knee. Very tastefully and nothing that sexualizes the presentation.

I like men who crossdress because usually they have a sensitive, creative, artistic temperament along with high intelligence.

A lot of good can come with a man who crossdresses but it can "possibly" play havoc with your sexual attraction to and for him.

I personally would not find a man who crossdresses sexually desirable unless somehow he has a very strong virility that still comes through.

That certain masculine energy that you can feel when you are around it.

[sometimes_miss]

Remember that he's the same person that he's always been, and this part of his personality contributes a lot to who he is, and how he feels about you. All that's changed is how you see him on the surface. The vast majority of men NEVER express any of the more feminine emotions they feel, because society won't allow it. Women especially, usually can't handle anything that might make their mate seem less masculine, less stable. Yet, again, he's always been this way, so it's only your interpretation of him that has changed, not who he is. Everything about him is the same guy you fell in love with. We don't actually fall in love with a person; we fall in love with an image we create of that person, based on what we know of them. And in this case, all the qualities you fell in love with are still there. The only thing that's changed is you now know more of what makes him all the wonderful things he is. Don't fear it; embrace it; more knowledge is always a beneficial thing.

[khaleesie]

I've read that some women actually find it attractive after the initial shock has subsided. I don't mean men in women's clothes in general. Just the man that they love. My wife truly likes it when I am wearing Lingerie and such. I haven't gone to the point of full female and she admits that she's not sure how she would handle it. Time will tell.

I wish you two much luck.....

[Jenniferathome]

I've read that some women actually find it attractive after the initial shock has subsided. ...

Really? Where did you read that, Cross Dressers Fantasy World Magazine? If by "some women" you mean "almost no women" then I agree.

Ally, my wife's greatest fear was being able to "un-see" me afterwards. That fear was unfounded but it took her many months to be ready to see me. If you are going to meet "her" because you want to, great. If you are doing it because he wants to, wait. This should be done on your terms.

[khaleesie]

Really? Where did you read that, Cross Dressers Fantasy World Magazine? If by "some women" you mean "almost no women" then I agree.

Well, my wife is one of the 'almost no women'....

[suchacutie]

I would suggest that you and Sarah have an activity planned, just as you would with a date with your boyfriend, but it should be something different since it's now Sarah that you'll be spending time with. I think that if you treat this as another bit of time with "him" it could be confusing. Also, my guess is that after the first 30 min. or so, the time will take on a life of it's own. Lastly, remember that this is Sarah and girlfriend conversations are allowed and appreciated, though Sarah may not be adept at those yet and may need some help with that:).

Have fun!

[ReineD]

... but it should be something different since it's now Sarah that you'll be spending time with. I think that if you treat this as another bit of time with "him" it could be confusing.

To the contrary, I think that whatever they might do to normalize the situation will be advantageous. This means spending time at home while he's dressed, doing what they usually do at home. Ally will have enough on her plate without having to worry about doing "girly" activities and seeing her boyfriend, not only looking different but acting different too.

But, that's just my :2c:

Some GGs treat this as a harmless lark and they get into painting nails, etc. I think this is because they already see their boyfriends simply as men dressed like women, who are engaging in a kink, and they do their utmost to have fun and accommodate. While other GGs look for reassurance that their boyfriend is the same person.

Rare is the woman who can see the "girl within".

[suchacutie]

Reine, my only personal experience (and we can't have too many, obviously) is that wonderful first time my wife and Tina got together. I hadn't planned anything but she had, and she just started talking like we were long time girlfriends. She had rented a chickflick for us to watch (never would in male mode) but we started off talking about makeup and clothes and shoes. It was terrific and nothing like a night en homme. That set the stage and made her comfortable with how Tina would visit until we really understood each other, hence my suggestion.

[Marcelle]

To the contrary, I think that whatever they might do to normalize the situation will be advantageous. This means spending time at home while he's dressed, doing what they usually do at home. Ally will have enough on her plate without having to worry about doing "girly" activities and seeing her boyfriend, not only looking different but acting different too.

I agree 100 percent with this comment as that is exactly what my wife and I have done to normalize Isha's existence in our relationship. I have spent some nights dressed (wig, clothes . . . sometimes no make-up, sometimes with make-up). We do what we normally do, talk, vent about work, watch television and just exist. I do not use the Isha voice at home (although my wife has heard it) but I do alter my mannerisms/walk (part of the process for me). In the end, we are the same husband/wife dyad I am just dressed differently. She (my wife) has told me this has gone a long way to normalizing our relationship when it comes to CDing and me being dressed.

Hugs

Isha

[suchacutie]

It's fascinating to see the different takes on a relationship when one of the partnership is transgendered. Unlike Isha's situation, my wife and I specifically don't want to fold Tina transparently into our relationship. We want my gendered selves as separate as possible, as we see them as separate.

Maybe it's significant to have the conversation sooner rather than later to see where their relationship fits at this moment.

[Brenda Freeman]

When ever you meet someone for the first time you make initial judgements wow he is cute, handsome, tall short fat thin, then when you get the chance to know a person that all dissapears and you see the soul! I guess this is kind of like that but you already have seen and love the person beyond looks. I think you are wonderful for having an open mind and I am sure you two will find ways to continue that love. I told my wife later in marriage scared her but I new in my heart she loved me the person and we worked out our comfort zones to allow me to express my feminine side. Not having to hide it from the one you love most is so importnant and we enjoy conversations about clothes make up etc. and I can relate better than most men what a women likes to wear, shopping is fun. there are great benefits to having an understanding spouse. Works both ways if you let it. She prefers to not see me dressed but has and is comfortable around Brenda and even points out times when she will be gone so I can have some girl time. She encourages me to be happy I have gone out, gone to a few Tgirl events with her full blessing and encourgaement.
You are a special lady I hope you two enjoy everything that comes your way.

[Eryn]

However one feels initially about meeting his girl self, with love and perseverance you will figure out a way to incorporate this side of him into your relationship. You both have expectations that are probably not completely correct, and you will adjust your attitudes and expectations with experience. After a time it will become the new normal in your life.

[kimdl93]

The thing to remember is that one size does not fit all. Each relationship has it's own dimensions, each person their unique mix of attitudes,etc. So,nits very risky to project any individual experience on any other.

It is, however, safe to say that if the foundation of affection is solid, love will find a way. Not necessarily the same way as you...collectively, or I may have found.

[Tracii G]

He is still the same person its just clothes.
He loves you remember that and this is a huge step for him too.
Relax and have fun with it.