When you realized you weren't the only one.

[Melissa18]

Hi ladies,
When and how did you realize that you weren't the only one who like to dress, that you weren't alone doing this, that there was others out there like you.

I tried on my first dress when I was about 4y/o, and I remember always being confused as to why did i like to wear dresses and skirts, and am I the only one that does this!. Then one day when I was about 12 or 13 y/o, a group of friends and I were at an inner city street fete and we saw a crossdresser very nicely dressed going about her business and thoroughly enjoying herself!. My friends all started joking about it amongst themselves , but I had a sigh of relief come over me, like WOW, there are others like me, I'm not alone in this.
It was a feeling that a weight had been lifted from my shoulders!

Adelaide

[kimdl93]

I'm referencing an earlier age, of course, a time when all we had was the wood burning Internet and a hand cranked computer. Back then, we heard rumors of transvestites, then saw Renee Richards and began to worry, maybe that inevitably what will happen to us.

But seriously, even in high school we knew that there were other guys like us....we lacked any way of knowing that there were generations of us, and that very likely we knew other closeted CDrs. It's better now, less hidden and a lot more good information is available.

[Kate Simmons]

It was in my teens in the early 1960's when I read an article in a weekly tabloid paper about the strange world of men who wear women's clothes.:)

[Sarah Doepner]

It was the late 1960's and I was in high school when I found a book in the city library with photos of transvestites. That ended several years of wondering what was going on in my head. I'd heard stories and we had the comic relief of a few actors who would do routines in drag, but I'd never seen anything serious and not judgemental. It was another 30 years before I met anyone else face to face. In fact, I hadn't realized how long I was totally on my own until you asked that question.

[Amy Fakley]

I remember it quite clearly. The late autumn of 1994, my college's computer lab, about 11pm.
took a break from working on an assignment and started browsing news groups.
that night literally changed my entire conception of who I was, and how I fit into this world.

I grew up in a very small town (graduating high school class of 30 or so students), extremely conservative, religious parents who sheltered me from nearly everything. To be fair, I had an inkling ... I'd caught about 5 minutes of a Donahue episode in the 80's when I was in grade school before my mom rushed in and shut the TV off. I didn't know much, and in those days, there weren't too many ways to find out for a kid in my environment.

for all the things the internet has destroyed ... newspapers, the music industry ... attention spans (LOL) ... it has given us something huge ... never having to not know something.
A few nights ago, I was out with my family having dinner, and we had cheese fries. One of my kids was like "I wonder who invented cheese fries". Within 2 minutes she had her phone out, and found an amazingly specific answer. Check the wikipedia on cheese fries. Your mind will be blown.

For people like us, this is a huge thing. It's not even like that for kids growing up these days.

[Lucy Lou]

For me it was like this:

I started dressing in a dress in my mid teens, very occasionally. Then in my early 20s I started waring stockings and suspenders and teddies and basques. That went on for quite a while. Then many years later I started doing a bit more. Always felt very scared about it. I had played a few gigs at 'gay balls' where there were many cross dressers and all the guys in the band made jokes so I kept quiet.

I always wanted to go a bit further, make up and stuff. But I always held back. Then about 5 years ago I went for it and bought a wig and high heeled shoes and some make up.

Then one day, I rang the house of an old friend of mine, a woman answered, or so I thought. After talking for a while I found out that this woman was an old friend of mine who was renting the house. We talked for a bit and he told me he was a transexual and had changed into a woman full time. Holding back, I said nothing about my cross dressing, but over the next few days I thought about it more and more and realized that she was exactly the sort of person that I should talk to about my little secret. Well, I did and he told me about a web site, which I looked at but wasn't for me. Then I found this site and suddenly my life changed.

I started dressing regularly with make up, wigs, shoes, jewelry, painted nails, perfume, lingerie [though that is something that I have worn for years, 100's and 100's of times in fact] and dresses.

I firstly talked about purging and then other things and soon found myself feeling so relaxed about my dressing and do it weekly. I love dressing and know that it is something I will always do and feel so happy to be able to talk about it with others of like mind.

I hope you will carry on doing it, especially if it feel good, which for me it does. Love and kisses Lucy Lou xxx

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

While I can't recall any moments during my childhood that stand out, I do remember the curiosity. I can remember investigating the makeup bag of a aunt... Looking at all the items, wondering what everything was for... I can remember trying on my mothers shoes. I remember finding her collection of pantyhose. There were also moments of television that dabbled in crossdressing themes (Bugs Bunny certainly comes to mind), but even though I was aware of the idea, I still didn't know it even had a label. I didn't know (or think) that anyone did such things outside of television or fiction...But secretly curious.

Fast forward a couple of years (but still in a time quite before internet), I was playing a game on my Amiga 500. It was Leisure Suit Larry 3. For anyone who has played that game and still remembers it, there is a scene in which Larry sneaks behind a stage to try and get some action with a dancing girl. They both strip down, and start going at it... then suddenly the lights go out and a show is ramping up to start. In a hysteric rage, both Larry and the girl fumble around to try and get their clothing back on...in the dark. Impossibly, Larry ends up in the girls dancing suit. A bikini with big puffy headdress, puffy tail and high heels, and when the lights come up, is forced to perform the show as though he was her. Since the girl took off with his clothes, Larry is forced to walk around still wearing her clothes.

ANYWAYS

Larry heads over to see his lawyer about getting his divorce papers (or something to that effect). When he walks into her office wearing the bikini, she says something like 'Larry! I didn't know you liked to cross-dress!'..

I was like, 'huh...crossdress?...that's a real word??...hmmmmm'. Amazingly, up until that moment in my life, I had NEVER even heard the word used. But upon reading it, I knew it was something more than I imagined. That, only if enough people had been doing this, would it warrant the existence of an actual word to describe the activity. I somehow felt relieved and excited. And MORE curious...

Can anyone guess what some of my first ever internet searches were online? Heh. ;)

[Deedee Skyblue]

I am an engineer, and in the mid 80s I lived in Connecticut. Somewhere, I read that if you were a CD, you were probably an engineer who lives in Connecticut. I don't know who said that, or what was the basis of saying it, but I was thrilled and amused by it.

Tell you what, though, the first time I read messages here is the first time I realized that there were people whose thoughts about dressing were almost identical to mine... not that any single person thinks just like me, but for almost every thought I once felt was totally unique, there was at least one person here who had a similar thought. I LOVED that! Still do...

Deedee

[WhisperTV]

I agree DeeDee. It's been great reading what everyone has to say. :)

I had tons of questions when I first got here and just hanging out has made them fade away. I don't even remember what the questions were anymore. I just feel happy now. :)

[Ally 2112]

Actually for me it was before i started .I always used to read Ann Landers in the paper (for the younger generation she was an advice colomnist) and every once in a while there would be a letter from a crossdresser or someones wife asking advice

[dana digs sweaters]

Been crossdressing since 5.
Was a girl for Halloween at school, 2nd grade, age 7.
Never seen anybody else until the 4th grade when 2 boys in my class dressed up.
I too read some Dear Abby & Ask Ann by then.
Had seen Flip Wilson do his Geraldine quite well. Reruns of Uncle Milty. Klinger from M*A*S*H.
And these guys playing women straight up. Even in scenes with their male selfs.

So, definitely age 10 when I knew other boys liked to dress as girls.

[Melissa18]

[QUOTE=Tracy Hazel Lee;

Heh. ;)[/QUOTE]Can anyone guess what some of my first ever internet searches were online?

I don't know what the first ever Internet searches were, but I do know that when a friend of mine was teaching me how to use the web in the very early days, typed in the word "transvestite" into the search engine , my interest did sky rocket during the lesson,.

[Christen]

I was young, probably 10 or 11, there was a photo in the newspaper of a female impersonator on stage with two guys. I studied that photo so hard, there was a guy dressed up and looking perfectly like a woman. I knew then that some men dressed as women, still didn't think that other boys might be doing it too.

Christen x

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Adelaide, I guess I was in my Very early teens and saw the Dear Abby & Ann Landers strips in the news paper.

[Rhonda Jean]

My experience was a bit different. Although I remember being utterly fascinated by Rene Richards, the ones I looked to were the rock musicians. There was Bowie, of course, but I looked to those who were less obvious. I had long hair, and I was the only one I knew with long hair. But, there were plenty of rock stars with long hair, feminine clothes (but not necessarily women's clothes), long curled hair, nail polish, earrings, etc.. Anytime I saw musicians on TV I look for makeup and high heels. My friends and, as far as I knew, other people passed little judgment.

I remember after school watching Paul Revere and the Raiders on a show called "Where the Action Is". As I recall, one day Paul Revere had his hair braided (instead of a ponytail) and was wearing a feminine looking cable knit sweater my mother said was called a shell (or maybe that was the pattern of the knitting). I would have been about 8. I had never had my hair braided, and I had never seen a male with braided hair. I asked my mom to braid my hair, which she did, and begged for one of those sweaters. It was some time later, probably birthday or Christmas, she knitted me a sweater that looked just like it. To me, I was dressed like a girl. But I had a cover story. I was dressing like a rock star!

Other than that it was probably when I was old enough buy porn magazines. I'd look for crossdressing or transsexual themes, and read the cd stories in Penthouse Variations over and over.

[Janine cd]

It was when I was in college and discovered in a psychology course that there are people who crossdress called transvestites. That was a revelation for me. For the first time, I didn't feel alone. It also answered the question, was it O.K. to wear feminine things.

[JessMe]

For me... it was the rare occasion when my mother and I watched television together when I was a kid. ...I can't remember if it was Maury, Donahue, Oprah, or Jesus himself... but SOMEBODY had a show about "when teen boys tell their moms they wanna be teen girls!!! "Up next after the break" ...I couldn't speak. I just sat there with a dry mouth and stared.

[Brandi Lesalle]

Finding this forum has been a godsend for me...I always knew I couldn't be alone. But the majority of things that you find out there are so negative or the sterotypical "must be gay" really hurt and push us farther back into hiding. I think bugs bunny did it for me as well.

[VeronicaBea]

It was sometime in 2003 or 2004. I was washing clothes, and I couldn't resist trying on my wife's clothes. I researched crossdressing on the internet, and was excited to find out that I wasn't the only guy who enjoyed wearing womens clothes.

Before that I thought I was a freak because I only saw guys wear pantyhose and dresses for entertainment purposes.

[Melissa18]

[QUOTE=Brandi Lesalle;3528418]Finding this forum has been a godsend for me...
So say all of us

[Deedee Skyblue]

I'd read the cd stories in Penthouse Variations over and over.

Yes! Me too. I still remember one letter about a guy who went to lunch a restaurant (alone) dressed, and his girlfriend and another woman were eating at the same place. She noticed him, and spent the rest of her lunch covertly studying him, and when they finished, she made some excuse to her friend and went over and sat down at his table. I don't remember the sex part - but that scene was something I wish could have happened to me!

Deedee

[khaleesie]

I've been 'dressing' since I was a kid. I always assumed I was a freak; CD isn't my only non-mainstream proclivity. In my late 20s to 30s I had read a few things so I knew it wasn't just me, but I didn't realize that it was far more common than most realize until far later, probably late 30s. I always been closeted and didn't research it much, until more recently.....

[Deedee Skyblue]

Finding this forum has been a godsend for me...I always knew I couldn't be alone.

Before I joined this forum, I tried a couple of others, and they gave me the impression that I was a freak. I'm not looking for a hookup, I'm not interested in pictures of male genitals (I know what they look like...) and dressing is not primarily sexual for me (any longer, at least :o ). I thought I was the only one who dressed because dressing is fun and comfortable.

That was the big reveal for me - there are others who are interested in social interactions as a CD without having to deal with the highly sexualized aspect as well.

Deedee

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've been crossdressing, or thinking about it since I was 8 years old. I saw the comedic crossdressers like Milton Berle, Bob Hope and Flip Wilson. I heard about transexuals like Christine Jorgenson and Dr. Renee Richards. I even read the book and saw the movie (The Second Serve). I knew about drag queens and female impersonators, and even went to some drag shows. I read RuPaul's autobiography. But these were all caricatures of women. I was over 50 when I first saw a crossdresser who was elegantly dressed and nearly passable. I was too afraid to even introduce myself to her, but to me, that was the tipping point when I really started dressing up fully like a girl.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I was a Freshman in high school and was going to a Catholic High in Brooklyn , N.Y. Since it was a college Prep school we were given assignments that required that we go into Manhattan to the 42nd Street NYC main Librarey at Fifth Avenue. I took a lunch break and headed down 42nd toward the West Side Highway. This was 1963. You could check of the 10 Commandments as they were being broken as you traveled each block. Just past Broadway there were tons of adult movie houses and book stores. That's when I spotted a copy of DRAG magazine in the window of a store and for the first time saw a picture of a man dressing to pass, unlike Milton Beryl. It was at that time that I realized I was not alone. Years later, I became friends with the owner and editor of Drag, Lee Brewster, and he was a great influence in my life. Sadly, he has passed away and I miss him very much.

[Donna June]

Probably around ten years old. I heard my mom and her friend talking about a newspaper article that was about a boy who insisted he was a girl. I was fascinated, I thought I was the only one in the whole world that felt like that. Shortly after that I was looking at my older brother's copy of the "Village Voice", saw an article on female impersonators. Again quite fascinated. Decided that is want I wanted to be when I grew up, though I didn't. My dream would have been to grow up in to a female, not an impersonator of one.

[Teresa]

Adelaide,
I wasn't aware of others into Cding until I saw a newspaper feature about Danny la Rue, my mouth went dry and my ears started to burn ( do others remember that feeling as a teenager ?) I could not believe it was a man, I don't know if I ever wanted to aspire to that level but the image stuck in my mind for months !

[Farrah]

I found out that I wasn't the only one when the internet became easily accessed. I must've have been about 20 or 21. Before that, I was like other--I thought that I must be guy or I want to BE a woman. However, I did not feel that way. Like you, it was like a big weight lifted.

[Jane G]

Well it's wonderful to read all these posts. What a varied and wonderful bunch we are.

I can't recall ever having a sudden realisation that there were other crossdressers out there. I've crossdressed from around 7 years old, but the first time I walked into a CD run shop and bought my first wig, I was 30. Having left the navy at 29. I guess it was from there on.

[ReineD]

The first time I ever heard of CDers was in the 1970s when I was in my 20s. My ex told me that he had heard of or seen a picture of (I can't remember how this came about) Drag Queens who worked at Finocchio's Club in San Francisco (http://www.sfgate.com/news/article/What-a-Drag-Finocchio-s-to-Close-2899225.php). My ex told me that he was amazed at how much like attractive girls these men looked and that he thought we should go to that club some day. I was somewhat surprised at his enthusiasm and was honestly impressed with his open-mindedness, which was uncharacteristic of him. LOL

We never did make it to the club, but for many years I thought the only men who dressed like women were those who did it for entertainment. I don't even think I asked myself if these men were straight or gay.

Over time, I saw movies (Dressed to Kill, Silence of the Lambs), and I developed a rather sketchy idea that some men who dressed like women were either rather sick or gay (Rocky Horror Picture Show, La Cage aux Folles). But in 2002 I met a hetero CDer who was more like the members in this forum, and this is when it dawned on me there were individuals who do enjoy dressing in order to express a feminine self. My SO told me about herself in 2007, and then my education really began. :)

[michelleddg]

I'm a bit hazy on all of this, but a couple of early catalysts were Dear Abby columns and seeing Jim Bailey change into Peggy Lee and Judy Garland on the Ed Sullivan show. By late high school and early college I was a researching fool checking library card catalogues and The Readers Digest Guide to Periodical Literature finding anything I could on the subject. Another big breakthrough was just out of college seeing a small ad for Lee's Mardi Gras Boutique on 10th Ave in Manhattan. Making that pilgrimage was one of the scariest things I've done in my life. Not long after that I was in London on a work assignment and made my debut at a Tri Ess-equivalent meeting. I cannot fathom how much different my life would have been had the internet been invented 20 years earlier! Hugs, Michelle

[Requal Jo]

There are more out there than you can image Adelaide. You will see what I mean by Avatar.

[Michala]

It was the early 60's and I knew that I liked to dress in my mother's clothes. Especially her bras and stockings with a garter. I always worried that there was something wrong with me and then I read and Ann Landers column about transvestites. Came to realize that I wasn't the only one and that most likely I was more normal than I thought. Still didn't tell my mom but at least it was comforting to know that I wasn't alone.

[janetcgtv]

In the 1950's, when George Jorgensen came back from Denmark and became Christine Jorgensen. She was very harshly handled by the press and she lost her job. There was also something said by the media "That there is something wrong in Denmark".

[Melissa18]

It is amazing how many of us girls after realizing there are others like you, will then devour libraries, books, and magazines on the subject.
Before the Internet, I would always be at the library trying to find anything on the subject, always checking the advice columns in the paper, buying any Magazine that mentioned it on the cover, always flicking through my brothers playboy and penthouse story section , and truly I was only reading those for the articles not the pictures, I was always more interested in my friends Cosmo etc or my mothers mags?

[Laura28]

I recall at least i think i do i was around 18 and went into my first adult bookstore. there on the shelf were lots of magazines with pictures of crossdressers and TV's. I wanted to buy a bunch but with my friends so i had to come back on my own later that day. I remeber going through them and saying wow i guess i am not wierd.

[Lea]

I never remember a time when I did not dress but it was in my mid teen age years that I learned about others.

The way I discovered the information will date me.

My first discovery was at the local library. I would go to the card file and look for books on crossdressing. Then one day I found a book that mentioned transvestites. The old card filing system that they could not trace what you were looking for.

The second that’s what I am moment was a Phil Donahue talk show. Phil was interviewing crossdressers who held jobs, were married and well-spoken. They were showing crossdressing in a positive light.

[2B Natasha]

Adelaide.

I wish I knew a date. I wish I had an epiphany moment where I found others like me and a light just shone from the sky and I knew I wasn't alone. But sadly that was not the case. I have no date to point at. It was probable later in life that I found out that there where men that liked to wear clothes designed for the female body because it felt right. I knew there where drag queens quite early on and I also knew there where women who had transitioned. But us CD's, the folks who live in-between the drag queens and the transitioned. That wasn't until later. My first probably real experience where it all came home for me was a predominantly gay halloween party in Seattle. It was put on the " Tacky Tourist" called " Things that go bump in the night " They had rented out the whole aquarium for the party. I was working for a gay male couple at the time and they insisted that me and my wife come down and join the party. I had no idea what to wear because this was literally the same day. So I threw on some of my wife clothes that fit me and she put on some of my construction gear and off we went. When we got there, there was the usual assortment of mostly gay men and drag queens. OK literally thousands of gay men and probably 200 drag queens. This was a giant event. But standing against the walls in the shadows mostly being ignored for the most part. Heh. It's just eh way it was. This is where many men dressed as women. Not drag queens, But men trying very hard to look like natal women. I think they where being ignored not so much for dressing but it was a highly sexually charged party and gay men for the most part don't find men dressed as women a turn on. This would have been around 1989/90. It was probably that night that I first really got the fact driven home that there where others like me out there.

Cheers

[Roxie]

I knew there were others like me however when I had a talk with my past girlfriend daughter my world changed.I knew she had gender issues of her own as she likes to dress as a male. So one day I Told her about my cding. not only did she "get it" she knew how I felt on the inside.I owe her a lot for her help and understanding and will always love her for it

[MssHyde]

It was about 1964 approx. I picked up a life magazine and seen pictures of transvestites and transsexuals also had some crossdresser pictures in it..

I was excited, (really) it made me feel strange, I was drawn to it... I had these desires with out an explanation..

first time I didn't feel alone...

[Alice Torn]

When a neibor in a rooming house i used to stay at, walked up to me when i was working on my car, and i said it was a nice day to be working on the car, and shortly after, at a singles club dance, asked a very tall "woman", for a dance. i realized during the song, that she was a he, and just thanked her for the dance after. At another dance, also noticed a few taller ladies, that were CD or TS. Shortly after, i bought my first thrift store dress, and strted dressing fully.

[Rhonda Jean]

It is amazing how many of us girls after realizing there are others like you, will then devour libraries, books, and magazines on the subject.
Before the Internet, I would always be at the library trying to find anything on the subject, always checking the advice columns in the paper, buying any Magazine that mentioned it on the cover, always flicking through my brothers playboy and penthouse story section , and truly I was only reading those for the articles not the pictures, I was always more interested in my friends Cosmo etc or my mothers mags?

It's funny to think about now, but I used to go to the library and read volumes of stuff just to find a reference to a male wearing makeup or any little tidbit. I'd buy record albums of people I didn't even like just to have the album covers. Some of the guys on those album covers looked like they'd been to Glamour Shots. Hey, that's a good topic for another thread!

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Adelaide, I guess from my teen years I had suspected I wasn't the only one, but being raised in a very rural area, picture corn fields and large dairy farms, there was no way to confirm my beliefs.
Even being suspect that there were others, I had know idea of how many others there could be.
I don't think I was truly aware, or possibly, I just wasn't willing to accept, that I am a CD, and I am part of
what seemed so strange to me as I was becoming aware.
The internet was my ticket, and trust me, Im not on the computer type, I didn't jump on the internet from the get go. I didn't touch computers, and when I did I certainly didn't go straight into searching CDing.
Somewhere in the mid 2000"s was my first reality check, but still not sure of myself.
Self acceptance didn't come until a year ago, and with the help of this forum for confirmation, I can finally
let myself grow.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[sometimes_miss]

We had a gay neighbor who was in show business, who occasionally wore women's clothing so my initial thoughts were that I might be gay, but that made no sense because I was always feeling like I was in love with one of the girls in my school classes all throughout my school days (yes even in kindergarten, I had a crush on one of the cute girls). I started to read psychology books early, I think when I was 11 or 12, and came across the term transvestite. As I was having sex as a girl, and with an older boy, I thought that meant that because I was sexually involved while being dressed and behaving as a girl, then that of course meant I was a transvestite. Only later once the abuse stopped, and I was dressing up but not having any sexual behavior connected with the dressing up, did I start to wonder what else I might be, because the term transvestite at that time was defined as dressing as the opposite sex for sexual purposes. Through my late teens, I sort of believed that I was transsexual, but none of the 'labels' fit me entirely. I didn't find out that there was anyone who experienced the exact same things as I did until around 1992 when I got internet access to the usenet, and discovered alt.transgendered newsgroup.

[ChristinaK]

I always loved to wear my sisters clothes back in the sixties, but had no idea why. One day when I was about 8 or 9, I read an article in the newspaper about crossdressers in San Francisco. I was happy that others thought the same way, but hadn't put too much thought into why I did it or became ashamed until I hit puberty. MASH had Klinger, "Some Like it Hot" was like porno to me and I wished I could dress that way in front of others, but still felt that I was not a "cross dresser." In High School, two gay men were guest speakers in our classroom. One was dressed in a tight purple sweater, bra, skirt and full makeup. It turned me on thinking about doing that myself, only not gay. I fantasized sexually about having a girl friend that accepted me when dressed. I finally realized I was a true cross dresser after I was married and still wanted to dress. In fact, the urge became stronger. That was in the eighties.

In puberty, I was truly worried that I was gay, but girls really turned me on so I was very confused. I finally decided it was purely a sexual fetish and lived in denial for a long time with tremendous guilt. Now that I'm older, I truly enjoy going out en femme. Still can't explain it, even to my wife. I am the way I am and that's okay. I'm happy that people are so accepting now. Dressing is a true joy.

[Adriana Moretti]

as soon as i got the internet....some time in the 90's...remember??? ...when AOL was dial up and your phone would be busy for hours?? Yeah...then....the internet showed me I was not alone...now I made it my goal to show others they are not alone either this site does a great job of that .

[CynthiaD]

I started crossdressing when I was very young -- three years old or so. It took me almost until I was a teenager to realize that most boys didn't want to wear girl clothes. They actually preferred boy clothes! (How weird!)

When I was a teenager (early 60's) I found an issue of "Sexology" magazine that had a straightforward, non-judgmental article about transvestites. I didn't react strongly to it, but I realized then that I wasn't alone.

Sexology magazine was truly amazing. It was decades ahead of its time in discussing the entire gamut of sexual issues openly, accurately, and without judgment. Many of its articles would make good reading today. It was published by Hugo Gernsback, who started the first science fiction magazine, and invented the term "Science Fiction."

[Lacey New]

Not really sure but there were hints along the way. I think perhaps the first one was the little ad in the back pages of Playboy or maybe Penthouse for a place called Michael Salem's TV Boutique where there was a picture of an androgynous person dreaming of a well dressed woman. Of course there was the fascinating story of Renee Richards and, like many folks have already posted, occaisionally, Anne Landers or Dear Abby would post something about a husband / boyfriend / son who liked to wear female garments. However, those were rare snippets of information signalling that there was this very rare group of people who "experimented" with crossdressing - nothing about whether there were reasonably normal rational people or whether they were sex-crazed perverts. I don't think that it was until the internet came along that I was able to figure out that there were a fair number of us. Part of it came when I started reading customer reviews of panties. Seems a fair number of men wear the same styles that I do.

[Melissa18]

Not really sure but there were hints along the way. I think perhaps the first one was the little ad in the back pages of Playboy or maybe Penthouse for a place called Michael Salem's TV Boutique where there was a picture of an androgynous person dreaming

Hi Lacey,
now you're making me reminisce about the old days, i forgt about the Michael Salem AD's ,I would look forward to picking up my brothers playboy or penthouse, check the forum pagesto see if there were any TG related stories,then straight to the Michael Salem AD and day dream a way how I could get to his boutique in the USA from Australia! This was all happening while I was an early teen

[Mishell]

I was actually in my 20s. I got a job in an adult store and saw TV Epic . WOW.. I wasn't the only one. I started exploring this new world where I wasn't alone.

[Beverley Sims]

When I was twenty, very out and guys would ask me for makeup and dressing tips.

"Er! you look good do you think I coul get away with doing it as well?"

That became a familiar opening line to a quite unique conversation.

[Stephanie47]

There's a world of difference in finding out you're not the only cross dresser, and, coming to the realization there may be nothing wrong with you- or at least you're not what everyone says you must be. I am a child of the 1950's and 1960's. My earliest foray into the world of wearing women's garments occurred when I was a young child. My mother use to hang dry her slips in the bathroom or on a clothes line she hung down the hallway in our apartment. I came to love the feel of nylon. It was a fascination with the fabric. It had nothing to do with wanting to be a girl. I tried on her slips when I had the opportunity. There was no sexual aspect to it. A single digit boy in the mid 1950's never heard about sex. As a mid teen I reentered the world of trying on her slips. Then her bras and panties. Then a girdle and stockings. Then a dress.

I felt I had to be a pervert. In the 1960's you were either straight or gay. Christine Jorgensen may have been transgendered, but, that did not play out well among the populace. There was something wrong with her and the men who wanted to marry her. I must have been a "queer" or a "faggot" in the terms of the 1960's.

I had no urge to cross dress for many years. However, when I was dating cross dressing was in the back of my mind. How could it be I really grooved on girls, but, I had liked wearing women's clothing???? Confusing thoughts. After marriage my wife and I did end up with some bedroom play antics; wearing a nightgown and stockings. I pretty much thought I must have had an aberrant streak in me, but, nothing to worry about.

The first inkling of a cross dresser in the wild was a young man who lived down the block; six houses away. His wife discovered he was a cross dresser. Yuck! Perversion! His wife dumped him quick and hard! I heard the conversation between my wife's cousin who worked with the man's wife and my wife. It was not pretty. It wasn't hostile. It was why would any woman stay married to a guy who liked to wear women's clothing? So, I knew I was not alone. There was another one of US nearby. Then there was an incident in the neighborhood where a totally frustrated cross dresser took his own life. He set fire to his house. He sat in his recliner fully attired. He held off the responding fire department by shooting in their direction. The house burned to the ground. The newspaper article reported his charred body was found with his high heels strapped onto his ankles.

I'd say it wasn't until I lurked around this site that I came to realize I was not alone. I had already come to the conclusion I was a normal hard working guy with a little quirk my lovely wife did not understand. That made two of us.

[tifftg]

Interesting question and it got me thinking about my various phases.

I was born in the mid-50's and remember dressing in my mother's clothes and sister clothes in the late 60's. I was 14 or 15 and I can recall walking to the Ben Franklin store to buy a pair of Legg's pantyhose. Once I could drive I would go further and buy shoes and skirts and tops. Still thinking I was alone. When I was 17 early 70's I went into an adult bookstore and saw the drag magazines. That told me I wasn't alone but didn't really seem real. At age 21 I went to a drag show and talked to one of the queens still not seeming real. Then in 89 or 90 I logged onto Prodigy and one of the chat rooms and then finally I felt connected, AOL really drove that forward. What a ride.

[ArleneRaquel]

When I first attended Gay Pride Events in the 1970's, circa 1974. That os when a leaned alot about myself.

[shayleetv]

When I was 13 or so, I had a conversation with my mom about her youth and who her friends were. At the time most of my buddy friends were girls and I was curious if mom had boys who were her buddies. She told me about one of her friends that was a boy sort of. Sort of, I enquired. And that is when I found out about boys who like to dress as girls and the subculture that surrounded him. She told me after high school he left forever for New Orleans to be a female Impersonator. She got some letters form him but after she married mom never heard from him again. I don't remember a time when I wasn't dressing up in girls clothes. When I was 11 my mom and sister stopped participating in my cross dressing and I went underground. But now at 13 my mom was telling me of someone else in her life like me. After that conversation nothing more was ever said about the subject but I knew my mother knew about me and I was not condemned for being a cross dresser. I never thought about being the only one after that, but did often wonder why me.

[Penny Lane]

For myself, the realisation that I was NOT the only one in the world who preferred his sisters clothes to his own came in 1962 or 1963 with a Bonanza Christmas Album of all things.

Inside was a story with a few illustrations about a young slim beautiful woman who arrives in town on the stagecoach, then a series of murders took place by a young slim gun-man. It turned out that the gun-man was using a woman's clothes as a disguise during the day. The saloon owner, Kitty? noticed a shaving nick on the woman's neck and put two and two together But more to the point I WASN'T alone as there were now two of us who dressed up, I'd be about 9 or 10 at the time but already knew I was different and in the wrong body! I read and re-read that story until I must have almost worn the ink off the page.

Later, the occasional article in the news-papers I delivered showed that there were others like me. But they were usually court cases of some sort and it almost frightened me to death that this "thing" was going to ruin my life. Which, in some ways it has, but that's a whole different story!

Take care all, Penny xx

[heather88]

I had dressed since i was in elementary school and didnt know why. I think id known that other people had done it since i was about 10 i think but the eye opener for me was when my gay cousin told me that he did it alot too. eye opening moments are hard to forget, but it takes such a huge weight off.

[Bryanne]

I had dressed and held a fascination for more femme attire since my pre-teen days, and wondered if I were gay or mentally ill for a bit. With age comes some clarity and understanding, but as a young boy, well, you can imagine my fears. My only real idea of crossdressing came from the movie Tootsie, which couldn't have been the bet place for that information. I had met a great young lady who was new to my school in the seventh grade, and she introduced me to a world I had no clue that existed, via some magazines she had gotten a hold of. We were very close, and one day I shared my secret with her, and she told me about seeing pictures of men dressing in women's clothing, and we began to explore drag and female impersonation, and it was the Phil Donohue show that really opened this youngster's eyes.

As things go, there's often someone closer to home, and it turned out to be one of my friend's neighbors who had a brother who was very much into crossdressing, and in him I found a friend and someone I looked up to. He was very closeted, and we'd trade clothes, makeup tricks, and other things, and when he moved to College, we lost contact some months later. But he will always be that first "real" other cossdresser that I knew, and that was around 15 years of age for me. Certainly a pivotal point in my life.

[dana digs sweaters]

Interesting story Shay Lee. Peaceful knowledge with your mother :)

And Bryanne, what wonderful experiences to have, as you said during a "pivotal point" in your life.

[Melissa18]

As things go, there's often someone closer to home, and it turned out to be one of my friend's neighbors who had a brother who was very much into crossdressing, and in him I found a friend and someone I looked up to. He was very closeted, and we'd trade clothes, makeup tricks, and other things, and when he moved to College, we lost contact some months later. But he will always be that first "real" other cossdresser that I knew, and that was around 15 years of age for me. Certainly a pivotal point in my life.



Hi Bryanne,
That is amazing to have someone that close to you that also liked to dress.
I have a similar story, I went to school with someone, and I ended up working with him, and during our time working together it came out that he also liked to dress, alas I never did confide in him my dressing habits,in hind sight I wish I did.
Adelaide.

[Christen]

Hi Lacey,
now you're making me reminisce about the old days, i forgt about the Michael Salem AD's ,I would look forward to picking up my brothers playboy or penthouse, check the forum pagesto see if there were any TG related stories,then straight to the Michael Salem AD and day dream a way how I could get to his boutique in the USA from Australia! This was all happening while I was an early teen

Funny, I thought about those ad's just recently. Wondered who else remembered them.

Christen x

[Bryanne]

Hi Bryanne,
That is amazing to have someone that close to you that also liked to dress.
I have a similar story, I went to school with someone, and I ended up working with him, and during our time working together it came out that he also liked to dress, alas I never did confide in him my dressing habits,in hind sight I wish I did.
Adelaide.
Adelaide, it was truly a blessing, but scary at the same time. As he became more free in his exploits, I harbored a lot of fear at being outed for it. Over time, he made me feel perfectly comfortable in my own skin -- and dresses! I would give almost anything to recapture that confidence.

He had a great way of looking at it, in that dressing was an outlet for creativity and the feminine side we were conditioned to hide, and that if we didn't embrace that, it was a waste of potential. That drives me to this day. I often wonder if he still dresses as well, and regret having stopped for so long. Strange to have been both embarrassed AND wishing to have done it more like that.

Thinking back, and not certain that anyone had mentioned this, but seeing Jimmy James on an episode of Donahue ignited a lot of interest in dressing for me. A bit on the drag or impersonation side, but a big influence to achieve a look.

[giuseppina]

When I was at university for my first degree, I came upon a book about crossdressers. The author might have been Robert Stoller. I was satisfied I wasn't alone and unlikely to be gay.

[Diane Smith]

I actually became aware that there were other boys who liked to dress up in their mother's and sister's clothes at about the same time that I, myself, was making my first forays into Mom's closet. There was a neighbor boy, and a pretty good friend of mine, a couple of years older than me who regularly crossdressed. His mother was upset about it, and came over to talk to my mom a couple of times. My own mother was pretty open and nonchalant about those kinds of things (indeed, she had a major part in getting me started dressing), and I'm pretty sure she mainly told the neighbor lady not to worry about it, or punish the kid for it, and that he would find his own way in life eventually. (And he did, although it took him quite a while.)

After one of these meetings, my Mom came and filled me in because she didn't want me saying anything when I was over at this friend's house that might upset the delicate situation in his family. And, as far as I can remember, I never did. My friend always had some women's accessories like stockings, purses and bathrobes lying around in his room, but I never saw him dressed.

Anyway, that was my first inklilng that, as Mom put it, "some boys like to dress up in their mother's clothes," but it tuned me into the possibility and from that point on, I was very attentive to anything I could see or read in the media about crossdressing and transsexualism. There wasn't a lot of easily accessible material in those days (early to mid 1960s), but if you kept your radar on, you could at least pick up the hint that you weren't the only one with this interest.

When I was ten or so (1967-ish), a copy of Harry Benjamin's book, "The Transsexual Phenomenon," showed up on my grandfather's bookshelf. I never had the nerve to ask him why he had it or was interested in that subject, but you can bet that I devoured the contents in small doses whenever I had some time to myself in their house.

- Diane

[AKADonna]

I secretly wore my Mom's bras and panties when she and Dad went out for the evening. Later, my older brother had a job as a lingerie salesman - selling high quality lingerie to department stores. He had 3 big suitcases full of samples that he used for demonstrations. One day, after he noticed that I had been through his samples a bunch, he took me down to the garage and said, "Look, if you'll quit going thru my samples, I'll give you some lingerie of your own!" With that, he gave me my first 2 bras, a slip and a camisole! I considered this be acceptance - at least from my big brother, so I continued on from there! Now, I'm 70 and still love how feminine I feel in a cute bra and panties! I don't have too many occasions to go out fully en femme, so I am content to underdress most every day!

[Melissa18]

, my older brother had a job as a lingerie salesman - selling high quality lingerie to department stores. He had 3 big suitcases full of samples that he used for demonstrations. One day, after he noticed that I had been through his samples a bunch, he took me down to the garage and said, "Look, if you'll quit going thru my samples, I'll give you some lingerie of your own!" With that, he gave me my first 2 bras, a slip and a camisole! I considered this be acceptance - at least from my big brother, s!

What a great elder brother, he is one in a million!

[Lexi_83]

Started being attracted to women's clothing articles before I was 10. I think my parents had some suspicions (despite several purges) so eventually I was discovered. Heard my parents talking and my dad said "I think he's queer" and then they called me down and asked me if I had been doing it long and did I want to talk to anyone about it. I denied all.

For a long time I thought I must be "queer" as my parents said. Over time, I figured out I wasn't gay and it was the feminine expression that I was really looking for. There were occasional items that popped up using the term transvestite or crossdresser and I realized that might apply to me.

That's when I really started researching what tranvestites and crossdressers were and discovered the community at large, though not this specific one. Wish my parents had used Google!