Anne2345
06-08-2014, 11:02 PM
The end of the world was nigh upon me.
Or so I thought.
God knows I have written more than my fair share of dooms day posts on this here forum in the past.
I mean, I was a one thousand foot tall tranny, I had a career, a wife with a career, a young child, and I lived in a socially conservative community. It just couldn’t work out for me. It was too hard. I was too scared. The world was too brutal. It was an impossible scenario. I had zero chance of making anything meaningful and worthwhile happen.
And if I even tried, boxed in by society and circumstance that I was, I would be beat down big time, tarred and feathered, stoned in the public square, flailed repeatedly by cat o’ nine tails, and ultimately burned at the stake for being a tranny.
I saw no future for me. I saw nothing but loss, loss, and even more loss. I saw my world completely falling apart and ending.
It was a hard thing to deal with. One of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. Of course, it was all society’s fault. It was my conservative community’s fault. It was vast numbers of naysayers’ fault. And somehow, someway, it was even El Chupacabra’s fault. But one thing that was clear to me at the time was that it patently was not my fault. I couldn’t be my fault. I mean, I was the victim of a continuous beat down by the bully world I lived in. It wasn’t my fault that they didn’t like me, or that they couldn’t handle me, or that they would rather I die than present myself openly in public for all to see.
And these very serious issues that I wrote about here, these tremendous injustices I described I experienced and suffered in excruciating detail, I at times was bewildered by the lack of sympathy I received from some here. It hurt that some within my own community here would attack me for simply doing what I saw others do – present to the forum the truth as I perceived and experienced it to be. What I thought I was doing was nothing less, nothing more. So screw those here who could not buy into what I wrote. I didn’t need them anyways, because they clearly did not understand.
Fast forward to the here and now, though, and it’s an *entirely* different story.
I see now that I was completely wrong.
I see now that I understood very little.
I see now that I was blind to the truth.
I see now that I allowed fear to completely dictate the decisions I made, and influence negatively my view and perception of the world around me.
And I see that I failed completely to take any responsibility for myself whatsoever in what was going on in my life at the time.
The thing was, though, that I was a victim. But I was not a victim for the reasons that I believed I was. Instead, I was a victim of my own naivety. I was a victim of my own lack of imagination. I was a victim of my own fear. I was a victim of my lack of confidence in myself. I was a victim of my own lack of strength and conviction. I was a victim of my depression that I allowed color my decisions and thoughts. I was a victim of my own lack of true understanding as to what any of this actually meant.
And, ironically enough, I now understand that I had no balls. None whatsoever. I was pathetically weak in this regard. I didn’t even try. I was incapable of substantively trying.
Thankfully, however, the world did not end. Not my world, or the world as a whole. We are both still alive and kicking.
Except now, I am chock full of self-confidence. I now believe I understand more about myself than I ever have before. I even feel really, really good about myself. I feel great, even.
Sure, the reality and the probability is that I will continue to lose certain aspects of my former life that I believed I valued before. And even if it was reasonable that I value such things, I now can see other possibilities exist within this world. It’s not all bad. It’s not all evil.
Rather, what it is is what we make of it. My biggest mistake prior to this year was that I refused to take responsibility for myself. But to be fair to myself, I really did not understand this. My grip on this concept was tenuous at best. And I guess I just wasn’t ready yet to open my eyes to the true reality of the world and myself in general.
Yeah, there is still much hard work to do. But that’s okay. If I lose things I had before in life, I will find other things to take the place of what was lost. I see now that what I am doing is simply giving myself a chance to make this work for me. And really, what more can anybody in any aspect of life ask for but a chance to accomplish and make do with what is.
I am good with this now. I control me. I am responsible for me. And instead of shirking from the responsibility and shying away from the challenge, I choose to meet it head on now. It will not get the better of me.
So for those of you currently out there that think the world is going to end, I am sorry, but you are out of luck. It just ain’t gonna happen. I simply will not allow it.
Because I have a life to live, and a life to make my own.
The future is wide open. It’s wide open for us all. We can either accept this and make our way through it as best we can, or we can deny this simple truth and continue to flail around in fear and self-imposed impossibilities and misery.
Dare to dream. Dare to live. Dare to take life by the f’ing balls and make it your own.
It’s out there for the taking, after all.
I see that now. I get it.
And I’m on it, and I shall grab it and hold on to it with all my might.
It’s all good now. Because there is much hope, and because, in the end, I am the master of my own destiny. Just as all of you are.
You just gotta believe. And to all those here that I thought were jackholes to me, I thank each and every one of you for the service you did me. Y’all some wise ass bitches having been there and done that and all. I appreciate, admire, and love each and every one of you. Your support, understanding, and work trying to bust through my extraordinarily thick skull was well worth the effort, and I thank y’all from the bottom of my heart for doing so.
Just know that you all have created a monster in so doing. But a monster who knows exactly what she wants, and is working her absolute butt off to make it happen.
The world ending?
Ha!! What a complete, total, utter joke.
More like the world is just now beginning for me, and the sky is the limit . . . .
:)
Or so I thought.
God knows I have written more than my fair share of dooms day posts on this here forum in the past.
I mean, I was a one thousand foot tall tranny, I had a career, a wife with a career, a young child, and I lived in a socially conservative community. It just couldn’t work out for me. It was too hard. I was too scared. The world was too brutal. It was an impossible scenario. I had zero chance of making anything meaningful and worthwhile happen.
And if I even tried, boxed in by society and circumstance that I was, I would be beat down big time, tarred and feathered, stoned in the public square, flailed repeatedly by cat o’ nine tails, and ultimately burned at the stake for being a tranny.
I saw no future for me. I saw nothing but loss, loss, and even more loss. I saw my world completely falling apart and ending.
It was a hard thing to deal with. One of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. Of course, it was all society’s fault. It was my conservative community’s fault. It was vast numbers of naysayers’ fault. And somehow, someway, it was even El Chupacabra’s fault. But one thing that was clear to me at the time was that it patently was not my fault. I couldn’t be my fault. I mean, I was the victim of a continuous beat down by the bully world I lived in. It wasn’t my fault that they didn’t like me, or that they couldn’t handle me, or that they would rather I die than present myself openly in public for all to see.
And these very serious issues that I wrote about here, these tremendous injustices I described I experienced and suffered in excruciating detail, I at times was bewildered by the lack of sympathy I received from some here. It hurt that some within my own community here would attack me for simply doing what I saw others do – present to the forum the truth as I perceived and experienced it to be. What I thought I was doing was nothing less, nothing more. So screw those here who could not buy into what I wrote. I didn’t need them anyways, because they clearly did not understand.
Fast forward to the here and now, though, and it’s an *entirely* different story.
I see now that I was completely wrong.
I see now that I understood very little.
I see now that I was blind to the truth.
I see now that I allowed fear to completely dictate the decisions I made, and influence negatively my view and perception of the world around me.
And I see that I failed completely to take any responsibility for myself whatsoever in what was going on in my life at the time.
The thing was, though, that I was a victim. But I was not a victim for the reasons that I believed I was. Instead, I was a victim of my own naivety. I was a victim of my own lack of imagination. I was a victim of my own fear. I was a victim of my lack of confidence in myself. I was a victim of my own lack of strength and conviction. I was a victim of my depression that I allowed color my decisions and thoughts. I was a victim of my own lack of true understanding as to what any of this actually meant.
And, ironically enough, I now understand that I had no balls. None whatsoever. I was pathetically weak in this regard. I didn’t even try. I was incapable of substantively trying.
Thankfully, however, the world did not end. Not my world, or the world as a whole. We are both still alive and kicking.
Except now, I am chock full of self-confidence. I now believe I understand more about myself than I ever have before. I even feel really, really good about myself. I feel great, even.
Sure, the reality and the probability is that I will continue to lose certain aspects of my former life that I believed I valued before. And even if it was reasonable that I value such things, I now can see other possibilities exist within this world. It’s not all bad. It’s not all evil.
Rather, what it is is what we make of it. My biggest mistake prior to this year was that I refused to take responsibility for myself. But to be fair to myself, I really did not understand this. My grip on this concept was tenuous at best. And I guess I just wasn’t ready yet to open my eyes to the true reality of the world and myself in general.
Yeah, there is still much hard work to do. But that’s okay. If I lose things I had before in life, I will find other things to take the place of what was lost. I see now that what I am doing is simply giving myself a chance to make this work for me. And really, what more can anybody in any aspect of life ask for but a chance to accomplish and make do with what is.
I am good with this now. I control me. I am responsible for me. And instead of shirking from the responsibility and shying away from the challenge, I choose to meet it head on now. It will not get the better of me.
So for those of you currently out there that think the world is going to end, I am sorry, but you are out of luck. It just ain’t gonna happen. I simply will not allow it.
Because I have a life to live, and a life to make my own.
The future is wide open. It’s wide open for us all. We can either accept this and make our way through it as best we can, or we can deny this simple truth and continue to flail around in fear and self-imposed impossibilities and misery.
Dare to dream. Dare to live. Dare to take life by the f’ing balls and make it your own.
It’s out there for the taking, after all.
I see that now. I get it.
And I’m on it, and I shall grab it and hold on to it with all my might.
It’s all good now. Because there is much hope, and because, in the end, I am the master of my own destiny. Just as all of you are.
You just gotta believe. And to all those here that I thought were jackholes to me, I thank each and every one of you for the service you did me. Y’all some wise ass bitches having been there and done that and all. I appreciate, admire, and love each and every one of you. Your support, understanding, and work trying to bust through my extraordinarily thick skull was well worth the effort, and I thank y’all from the bottom of my heart for doing so.
Just know that you all have created a monster in so doing. But a monster who knows exactly what she wants, and is working her absolute butt off to make it happen.
The world ending?
Ha!! What a complete, total, utter joke.
More like the world is just now beginning for me, and the sky is the limit . . . .
:)