if I had long hair id be pulling it out. ARGGH

[randie]

just gotta vent. I dont have to work today and on top of that its a very cool rainy windy and all around miserable day. So my thoughts were to go out to a local second hand shop in town that has a lot of really nice stuff that doesnt really seem secondhand and the prices are great. I thought that being such a crappy day and early that most people would be at work or school, or at least not walking around downtown in the rain. So off I went, get to the store and go in, theres about 6 women in there and 1 guy. The women all seem to know each other and the women working there. I immediatley spotted some real nice stuff. There was a 1920s flapper dress that looked vintage. Real nice. So I turn around and walk out. Dont even look at anything else. I just get so scared in this situation. I cant seem to get over the hump. Im not ashamed of myself but I have a bit of a problem with people staring at me and judging me. Im always terribly self concious when Im out alone in any situation, not just looking for clothes. I wish I had a freind to go shopping with, Im not good at the lone wolf thing. I had one gg freind who I was very close to. Shes even referred to me as her "best girlfreind" (and she doesnt know about my secret. That felt good to be called a girlfreind). We were so close for awhile, even sleeping together on a regular basis. (not sexually, just sharing her bed. were not attracted to each other in that way). But she now has a boyfreind and I might as well not exist cause she never talks to me anymore. Shes just too busy living her life with her boyfreind. Im happy for her but sad because now the 1 person that I felt closest to is basically out of my life. We used to hang out every day, or at least talk everyday on the phone. Now on the rare occasion that we do get together I feel like Im just a third wheel. I feel like Im just entertainment for the couple. I cant do it anymore. I just need someone to be myself with and she was the person, and right when I was ready to tell her about myself she ends up joined at the hip with her boyfreind and Im right out of the picture. I guess Im being selfish but I feel like Ive lost my best freind, and in a sense I have. I guess Im ranting here and probably not being coherent, sorry. Ill stop now, I just had to vent. Anyone else have problems with shopping alone? how did you get over the hump? I've tried mail order but sizes are so different from brand to brand that I end up with things that dont fit and I get too scared to return them. Once again, sorry for the long rant I just had to get it out.

thanks girls
randie

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Hugs Randie! Sounds like a tough day. Hang in there, the sun will shine again. :)

[Lawren]

Hi RandieI used to be that way when shopping. I just made up my mind to brazen it out. It's really nobody else's business what you spend your money on and it's your wardrobe, not their's. My biggest worry is being seen by someone I know and I solve that by doing my girl shopping in nearby cities where I know my friends/relatives aren't likely to be. If you want that flapper dress just go into the store, glance around to see if anybody you know is there and if not, pick it out, go boldly to checkout, make the purchase and leave. Yes, it will be frightening the first time or two but VERY few clerks will ever comment on what you are buying and why. Their job is to sell it to you and not play two bit psych games while doing it.

Just do it, Hun

LoL, Lawren

[babe4life]

Hi Randie, I feel for you! My best friend lives with her boyfriend on the other side of town. It is really sad. At least we do still see each other once in a while. As for the hurdle of shopping. I can definitely relate.

Have you ever done something that you took a decision and just went for it? Like bungee jumping or rollercoaster or taking a tight gap in traffic or ripping off a plaster? That hump is something like that too. I still feel uncomfortable when I do go and shop for something and I prefer high shelves that I have some privacy while browsing, but some days you just take the decision to go in and get something that you want. More often than not it is fine. Heart pumps and races, but what the heck. I did that with that nightie I bought the other day. And it definitely a favourite item in my wardrobe - even with kids and moms and "normal" people running around. For all they know, you could be shopping for a girlfriend or a sister asked you to pick it up for her or ANYTHING. Of course, I have yet to do that with a bra ... Bit obvious asking for a 38B I think :)

I do prefer going to a place that doesn't have teenagers around though. Somehow, they worry me :)

Good luck!!!
Vicky

[Amelie]

First thing Randie, there is no need to apollogize, you are not ranting, this is a important matter in your life, that many here can relate to.
It is very tough to shop on your own, after years of dressing I still get nervous shopping for fem items. That is the reason I started making my own clothes. When you see people in the shop, are they people you know? If they don't know you, then don't worry what they say or think, you probably won't ever see them again. Also if you don't know them, tell them you are performing in a show at some club and you need fem clothes, I don't thinkthey will be going to a club to check if you are telling the truth. I find being up-front with the store is best, then they know right away, and aren't guessing at what your intentions are.
As far as your best friend leaving you,,, well join the club, this is something that happens to everyone here. Not to make a harsh judgement,, but your
friend sounds like one of those girls you meet in a club that says I will hang out with you until my boyfriend arrives. It is very hard to meet someone (GG) on the same wavelenght.as yourself. If you can be content on doing things on your own, some gg will notice this in you and it won't be long before you find a friend.
Now I'm ranting,, Anyway good luck Randie, I hope all the best to you.
Love Amelie

PS-When I meant being up front with the store I meant tell them the clothes are for you.

[randie]

thanks so much girls :) I appreciate all of your thoughts so much.

luv randie

[eleventhdr]

Well this is a bit of a what they used to call a sticky wicket or at least the british used to anyway. Here is how I do this it took me a very long time to overcome it but I finally did i just finally said to myself i really do not care what others think of me personally I am going to be who and what I really am and hang it all the rest. Who are others to judge me anyway. If and when i really want to buy stuff I just go right in and buy it and sometimes I even tell the sales people that it is for me for coustum stuff so they know what it is all about then. Like I say it is not easy to be able to develop this kind of confidence but it can be done I know because I have finally done it. But basically underneath it all way deep down I am still the very shy little person I laways was. I just finally learned to control it all and hey it does work this i do know. I am still the shy one with real gg's it is still very difficult to talk with them one on one about anything that is really important and still being immature about tis kind of stuff conversation wise this is still a big hangup with me. I do not know or understand why though you would think having been female in other incarnations that I would be able to get over it but maybe it is something that is deep in the male physchie and being born male this time around yet again I am just stuck with it i think most males who were or have been females in past lives rreally do realize that the female is the supuior sex all around and perhaps thsi si why we have this difficulty try as we might to overcome it we perhaps really are always just stuck being little boys forever in dealing with reall gg's they just outgrown us in maturity very early on and we are forever trying to catch up but never really can. Perhaps that is another reason why so mnay of us are cd's we really do want to be feminine and be able to be mature like reall gg's are. Oh well!. Perhaps that is why we do turn to dressing as well. like girls.. Anyway just a few thoughts on it all. I still think maybe you can work rreal hard at it and be able to overcome it in a way as i have. Please do let me know alright I am with you on this one. Thank's everso Suzy Ann!. More Later!.

[Christine1960]

I too used to feel scared and be and still do sometimes :o . The first time I bought women’s cloths I just thought that a GG can go and buy this item why can’t I do the same? For example, a GG will touch up their makeup or lip stick why can’t I do the same with going into the store and buying something feminine? I thought and still do, I have a female side also and buying women’s cloths are just as natural as any other “women’s thing.” ;)

I think it is always so scarey when the clerk asks if she can help you and you say, I looking for something in X-Large or size 16 or size 18. Whom does she think will be wearing it when a male standing in front of her is asking for this particular size of women’s clothing? :D I almost always have had a very positive response from the store clerks. I have also gone into Lane Bryant’s and the ladies could not have been more friendly and helpful.

Second, I think it is a very good idea to inform the clerk who the cloths are for, and it’s such a rush to have them know it’s for me and that they are still so accepting. Many stories and posts on this site and others tell of the joys of shopping with the clerks knowing full well who is going to be wearing these cloths. I must add that when I go to a boutique for the first time, I go in male mode to check out the place, the dressing rooms, the clerks, and the attitude, etc. When I leave and have felt a positive response, I let the clerk know who will be wearing the cloths which will soon be bought at my next trip to their store. ;)

[kristi cd]

I just get so scared in this situation. I cant seem to get over the hump. Im not ashamed of myself but I have a bit of a problem with people staring at me and judging me. Im always terribly self concious when Im out alone in any situation, not just looking for clothes.

I know exactly what you mean, I don't know how many times I've gone in a walked right back out without getting anything. And don't feel like your unloading on us, that's part of the reason we're here. ;)