We told our son today!

[Suzanne F]

Today we sat out eleven year old son down with my sixteen year old daughter . She is here for a three week visit. We have waited until she arrived to tell my son that I am TRansgendered. My daughter knows about me and has been very supportive. She refers to me as her Suzanne. We hope that she will help my son process this new information.

I explained to my son that from a young age I knew I was supposed to be a girl. I told him I had carried that secret around for many, many years. I then explained I go out regularly as a woman to meet friends. We showed him a picture of Suzanne. We tried to make sure he knew I would always love him. We also showed him the current Time magazine that deals with transgender issues.

He cried and I cried. He told us he cried because he didn't want his father to change. It was clear that this was upsetting. My daughter also shared her understanding and support. It was very touching. We told him when be was ready he could meet Suzanne. He is doing better but is a little shaky.

I am tired and need to go. I can fill in details tomorrow.
Hugs
Suzanne

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Suzanne, My god! What an evening that must have been. Very much more emotional than you revealed I'm sure. Baby steps takes a whole new meaning at this point I think.
You have shown such composure so far, I'm sure you will work through this as well.
Love him as a father will love a child, and he will see that you are the same person he has alway known.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[gonegirl]

Suzanne, I have walked this path before you. You haven't asked for comments but because you posted this in a public forum I'm going to share with you what I believe to be sound advice.

Take it very slowly with your son. Allow him plenty of time to adjust and don't overwhelm him with too much information. Let him get used to you, the person, before you share the physically female you. My kids had six months to get used to me actually being "a girl" before I showed them my overall physical change. This is almost certainly the biggest event in your son's short life and your father-son relationship is being redefined. This could take a long time and it will surely evolve for you both. Make sure your son knows that this is a very rare thing to happen to someone and that it is not going to happen to him. And most importantly, love and protect him emotionally as you always have. This is what will strengthen the incredible bond of parent and child that you share.

[Suzanne F]

Simone
Yes that is great advice. I have been slowly revealing my true self to him for the last year. He often says I am more of a girl than mommy. However nothing really prepared him for the reality of me changing physically. I do need to take it slow but I wanted him to hear it from me while his sister was here. Thanks for responding and yes I am open to any comments. I am a big girl and can take the criticism if given.
Suzanne

[Aprilrain]

Susan I can only imagine how hard that was. My kids were much younger so it was much easier for me. Give both your kids time. The best thing you can do for your loved ones is show them that living your truth gives you your best quality of life.

[KellyJameson]

If your son has never shown any identity struggles and is planted firmly in "boy soil" as identifying as and with boys/men, he possibly used you as part of this identity formation.

He could feel like he is losing part of himself as you transition and this could cause an identity crisis.

Transitioning would not be nearly as threatening to a daughter who finds her identity with the mother and contrasted against the father as "the other" even though it has challenges for her as well.

Puberty creates the second tier to identity formation where sex and gender identity coalesce or collide.

If not already, in the near future he will naturally experience this storm and it may be helpful to him to have men around him that he can identify with that you chose so he is not led into joining a gang to find his identity.

Single mothers raising sons deal with this issue all the time.

[kimdl93]

Tough one, but under the circumstances, you did the right thing. The key is to constantly be there for him even if he pushes you away at times. In the end he needs you...as you are.

[Janelle_C]

Suzanne I know how hard that was. My two kids are in there twenties, I was so scared. But I knew I had to do it. I can't imagine having to tell younger children. I now how draining all this is. I know how hard all this is not only on us but also the ones we love. Even when they love us and support us it is still hard on them too. Be patient,it's a lot to take in.

[Suzanne F]

Thanks everyone for support. My son is so amazing! He took a few days to think everything over. Then came out of his room to see Suzanne before I left with his sister for an outing. He said he wanted to see me. He took a close look and said,"You look good!" When we returned he wanted me as Suzanne to watch a movie. I have a picture of him and his sister snuggled up to me on the sofa. So sweet! He says he is ok with me as Suzanne. I have assured him he can ask any questions as they come up. We are leaving for a short vacation today and I can be myself as I choose. I want to make sure he gets some special time on this trip. I love him so much !
Suzanne