Jessicajane
06-09-2014, 07:14 AM
Having read a number of posts recently that alluded to wanting to venture out for the first time it seemed an idea to put some thoughts on a post, that could be added to by others, as a sort of reference and basic guide …I am not dedicating this post to telling people what they should or shouldn't do…that not my place… but what is the point of having some experiences if you can't pass them on to others ...wether its to laugh at my own expense or to help others avoid some of the pitfalls that an intrepid trans/CD, whatever you class yourself, may face when you are in the early stages of venturing out from where ever you class as safety.
I have been going about in public for maybe a couple of years now certainly long enough to learn some lessons, but new enough to this to still remember the thumping heart and the sense of panic… I’ve have had great successes, near death total disasters and pretty much most in between, but importantly when out as Jessica I love it, I feel free, I feel my true self and liberated….be warned it is a drug few try and don’t get completely addicted to..!!
The basic facts
I love to people watch and what I have noticed is that when out, unless you draw major attention to yourself at least 50% of people that pass you won’t even look at you…sorry..but they are just way too busy with their own lives….maybe 25% will catch a peripheral glimpse of you from an angle be it at the sides or back band again will subconsciously acknowledge you but little more…. And 25% ish will look at you , register what they see and react according to your appearance and confidence. Let me be clear when I say react…the vast vast majority of times they will register and ignore you, occasionally smile or acknowledge you in some way …a bad reaction is extremely rare even in cases where I have made a total goose of myself people have been fine, I’m thinking the time I slipped on a tile in a shopping centre, in heels, instead of going to ground I did a lord of the river dance impression trying to regain my balance whilst uttering a most un-lady like expletive at high volume…let me tell you a lot more than 50% of the people around me knew that Jessica was not a genetic woman , but nobody laughed (not to my face anyway) and even the poor lady I nearly took out was nothing more than a little startled but still managed to be pleasant!!!
The Do’s and the Don’ts
So you decided to go for it , what should you consider in preparation to venturing out…(Please people feel free to add to the list as you feel fit…)
Do’s
• Plan ….I am a big believer in making a plan of where you are going, how to get there, and what you intend to achieve when there…not everybody agrees with this but first times out can be nerve racking…if you have a plan , including an exit one should you not feel comfortable, then it will help the focus on what you are doing and certainly in my case helped calm the nerves.
• If you want to reduce your being noticed make the best effort you can with your makeup coverage…clean shave and use a foundation that covers the shadow. The lipstick technique is a winner for me …google it if you don’t know what I am refereeing to or PM me and I will explain.
• If it helps you don’t be afraid of calling at a make up counter when first visiting a shopping mall, I routinely do this …just ask them to give your makeup coverage a quick check over and if you are not happy with an element of your application ask if they can advise/tidy it up for you…quite often I will get some lashes or some other inexpensive item…sponge etc, but they will give you support for free and as long as you are polite and friendly they will be happy to help…MAC are very TG friendly, but to be honest they all are…with awesome make up your confidence will soar…after a trip to MAC I am ready to take on the world…!!
• Try and dress appropriately to the location, time of year and time of day…..a wedding dress or formal gown to a shopping mall and you will have every set of eyes on you….leggings or a pair of jeans/shorts/skirt and a basic pretty top and far less people will give you a second glance
• Do think about wigs, shoes etc etc…the more effort you have made with your presentation the fewer people will notice you and those that do will tend to respect the effort…if you are going to venture out of the house, try and invest in a quality wig, they are not that expensive these days and your investment will pay dividends in how you present….as for the shoes…keep your 6’ stilettos for the night time dance floor…flats or small heels are the safest and most comfortable option…ref my previous mentioned experience if you don’t believe me..!!
• Do Walk don’t run…I am such a hypocrite with this and I am working on it each and every time I go out…nerves often make us speed up and we power through the crowds…drawing attention as we go… breath, calm the nerves, and with shoulders back slowly but purposely proceed on your way…women tend to take their time(when not in a rush).
• Try and practise your deportment…again I am weak in this area, and feel that I mimic John Wayne more than Claudia Schiffer …practise your walk at home again it will help you blend in, and if your name is Jessica Jane try not to slouch!!!.
• Try not to make direct eye contact with people as you walk , smile look ahead and almost “through” people , direct eye contact can make others uncomfortable and
• Do be polite to people, they will reciprocate
• Relax and enjoy yourself.
Don’ts
• Don’t panic, if you stuff up on something , anything, whilst out..stay calm use logic to get out of the problem. An example of what not to do was on my first outing I nearly died when half way across the road ,in heels, I realised that I wasn’t going to make it before the taxi passed instead of stopping and letting him pass, I tried the running option that I would of done as a man…the result was I nearly died and somewhere in Adelaide is a traumatised taxi driver who thinks trans women like to play deadly games of “chicken” with oncoming traffic…!!
• Don’t take on more than you can handle, start small and grow in confidence before tackling mount Everest
• Don’t be put off if someone gives you grief and certainly don’t engage them…I had this recently, virtually my only negative experience as I was walking into a store a man and woman who were either drunk or on drugs..or both passed me and started shouting that I was a man…I ignored them totally and proceeded into the shop, they did not follow and although it was not pleasant it didn’t knock me of my stride (they were total drop kicks as humans) and it is actually my belief that if you are hassled and stay calm and carry on people will support you more if you need it and will certainly think less of the people doing the hassling.
• Don’t assume that everyone who is laughing or appears to be looking your way is having a go…many many times people are sharing an in joke as they walk along and don’t even realise they have looked at you in the process.
I used to think this all the time, don’t flatter yourself; the fact is they are more often than not in their own little world.
Phew well there we have it a break down of some of the points I consider when going out ….hopefully someone somewhere gets a benefit, and for those who are already out, maybe you can add your suggestions and advise…..
I have been going about in public for maybe a couple of years now certainly long enough to learn some lessons, but new enough to this to still remember the thumping heart and the sense of panic… I’ve have had great successes, near death total disasters and pretty much most in between, but importantly when out as Jessica I love it, I feel free, I feel my true self and liberated….be warned it is a drug few try and don’t get completely addicted to..!!
The basic facts
I love to people watch and what I have noticed is that when out, unless you draw major attention to yourself at least 50% of people that pass you won’t even look at you…sorry..but they are just way too busy with their own lives….maybe 25% will catch a peripheral glimpse of you from an angle be it at the sides or back band again will subconsciously acknowledge you but little more…. And 25% ish will look at you , register what they see and react according to your appearance and confidence. Let me be clear when I say react…the vast vast majority of times they will register and ignore you, occasionally smile or acknowledge you in some way …a bad reaction is extremely rare even in cases where I have made a total goose of myself people have been fine, I’m thinking the time I slipped on a tile in a shopping centre, in heels, instead of going to ground I did a lord of the river dance impression trying to regain my balance whilst uttering a most un-lady like expletive at high volume…let me tell you a lot more than 50% of the people around me knew that Jessica was not a genetic woman , but nobody laughed (not to my face anyway) and even the poor lady I nearly took out was nothing more than a little startled but still managed to be pleasant!!!
The Do’s and the Don’ts
So you decided to go for it , what should you consider in preparation to venturing out…(Please people feel free to add to the list as you feel fit…)
Do’s
• Plan ….I am a big believer in making a plan of where you are going, how to get there, and what you intend to achieve when there…not everybody agrees with this but first times out can be nerve racking…if you have a plan , including an exit one should you not feel comfortable, then it will help the focus on what you are doing and certainly in my case helped calm the nerves.
• If you want to reduce your being noticed make the best effort you can with your makeup coverage…clean shave and use a foundation that covers the shadow. The lipstick technique is a winner for me …google it if you don’t know what I am refereeing to or PM me and I will explain.
• If it helps you don’t be afraid of calling at a make up counter when first visiting a shopping mall, I routinely do this …just ask them to give your makeup coverage a quick check over and if you are not happy with an element of your application ask if they can advise/tidy it up for you…quite often I will get some lashes or some other inexpensive item…sponge etc, but they will give you support for free and as long as you are polite and friendly they will be happy to help…MAC are very TG friendly, but to be honest they all are…with awesome make up your confidence will soar…after a trip to MAC I am ready to take on the world…!!
• Try and dress appropriately to the location, time of year and time of day…..a wedding dress or formal gown to a shopping mall and you will have every set of eyes on you….leggings or a pair of jeans/shorts/skirt and a basic pretty top and far less people will give you a second glance
• Do think about wigs, shoes etc etc…the more effort you have made with your presentation the fewer people will notice you and those that do will tend to respect the effort…if you are going to venture out of the house, try and invest in a quality wig, they are not that expensive these days and your investment will pay dividends in how you present….as for the shoes…keep your 6’ stilettos for the night time dance floor…flats or small heels are the safest and most comfortable option…ref my previous mentioned experience if you don’t believe me..!!
• Do Walk don’t run…I am such a hypocrite with this and I am working on it each and every time I go out…nerves often make us speed up and we power through the crowds…drawing attention as we go… breath, calm the nerves, and with shoulders back slowly but purposely proceed on your way…women tend to take their time(when not in a rush).
• Try and practise your deportment…again I am weak in this area, and feel that I mimic John Wayne more than Claudia Schiffer …practise your walk at home again it will help you blend in, and if your name is Jessica Jane try not to slouch!!!.
• Try not to make direct eye contact with people as you walk , smile look ahead and almost “through” people , direct eye contact can make others uncomfortable and
• Do be polite to people, they will reciprocate
• Relax and enjoy yourself.
Don’ts
• Don’t panic, if you stuff up on something , anything, whilst out..stay calm use logic to get out of the problem. An example of what not to do was on my first outing I nearly died when half way across the road ,in heels, I realised that I wasn’t going to make it before the taxi passed instead of stopping and letting him pass, I tried the running option that I would of done as a man…the result was I nearly died and somewhere in Adelaide is a traumatised taxi driver who thinks trans women like to play deadly games of “chicken” with oncoming traffic…!!
• Don’t take on more than you can handle, start small and grow in confidence before tackling mount Everest
• Don’t be put off if someone gives you grief and certainly don’t engage them…I had this recently, virtually my only negative experience as I was walking into a store a man and woman who were either drunk or on drugs..or both passed me and started shouting that I was a man…I ignored them totally and proceeded into the shop, they did not follow and although it was not pleasant it didn’t knock me of my stride (they were total drop kicks as humans) and it is actually my belief that if you are hassled and stay calm and carry on people will support you more if you need it and will certainly think less of the people doing the hassling.
• Don’t assume that everyone who is laughing or appears to be looking your way is having a go…many many times people are sharing an in joke as they walk along and don’t even realise they have looked at you in the process.
I used to think this all the time, don’t flatter yourself; the fact is they are more often than not in their own little world.
Phew well there we have it a break down of some of the points I consider when going out ….hopefully someone somewhere gets a benefit, and for those who are already out, maybe you can add your suggestions and advise…..