thinking of quitting

[Gwinnie]

I just don't feel there is a point anymore. I'll never be good looking. I don't look good as a guy either. It's getting too expensive and I still haven't gone out yet. When I'm at home I just don't feel like it. My wife is pregnant and I would like to go out at least one time before she has the baby. Cause after that I think I'm done unless we're alone or away somewhere. So, maybe I'm done. I just don't know.

Gwendolyn

[Princess Grandpa]

Hug

I won't ever be pretty either. Your right it can be really expensive. I would suggest when you quit, don't actually throw it all away yet. Pack it in some box and stow it somewhere.

Congratulations on the baby. Enjoy this time with your family it goes by all too fast.

Hug
Rita

[Ineke Vashon]

:violin: Perhaps you feel being left out. Being pregnant is a huge event and takes priority over most everything else. You didn't mention love, but if you love her your wife deserves your first consideration and support.

Ineke

[amyjacks2014]

^.^

Hey Gwen,

I don't think I look all that great either, although I consider myself a work in progress,
and in my male mode, I'm just an ugly-looking 46-year old. I am also terribly self-
critical.

HOWEVER ...

You were good enough looking to have a wife, and now a child. That's certainly
a good thing. It sounds like the others who have commented have the right idea.
Your wife and child should come first, but don't throw out your femme stuff,
because you may feel the urge sometime in the future.

Good luck, and it sounds like you have some excitement ahead of you!


Amy M. Jackson

[hope springs]

First, what is your goal in dressing? If its to pass then 90% of us wouldnt achieve that goal either. If your truly concerned about your looks when en femme then just stay away from mirrors. Your not going to enjoy it or reap the benfits unless you have some self confidence. Which in no way, shape or form has anything to do with looks. Dont believe me? Ever seen a 300 pound black woman strut like she is a runway model? I have, lots of times. Their inner self screams " this is me, love it or piss off" adopt an attitude of fearless self worth based on who you are, not your outside. If that dont work, start hanging out with heavy set black women

[Katey888]

Gwinnie - some things in life are way more important than hobbies, urges or passions... :hugs:

I'm sure very many of us here have also set aside 'girl-time' when other aspects of life have taken priority - it doesn't mean you won't ever want to do it again...

Your wife knows and is understanding - there's good advice here in just packing it all away and putting Gwinnie in suspended animation.. :)

It may come back - it may not... The future is like that.... a bit uncertain....

Katey x

[AshleyT]

i have tried to quit crossing dressing but it always to comes back to me so im not going bother trying to quit anymore just take breaks from time to time

[mykell]

Gwendolyn,
you have been here long enough to know you just dont quit CDing and it wont quit you,
absence will make the heart grow fonder, going Out has never been the end affirmation for myself it has always been how i FEEL,
if you feel like your comfortable in the clothes thats what counts. sitting around and being comfortable is a good thing.
congrats on the baby......

[Beverley Sims]

Gwinnie,
At home and in private, do you enjoy what you do?
If the answer is yes then keep your aspirations high, you will get there someday.

Having a baby coming along is tantamount to someone finding a new girlfriend.

The whole spectre changes and new situations arise to interfere with what we do.

You won't be done after the baby arrives you will just have other things to occupy your mind for a great while. :)

Dressing will not go away it will just go into hiatus, so, do not despair, just look forward to the fun that starting a family can bring you.

Dressing is something you can always return to at some other time.

[Jaylyn]

Always put things in the order of importance. From battle fields to the nusery. Right now I would say the baby is your most important thing and should be at the top of the list. Remember if a baby is crying order of importance to get them to quit.... Check diaper...check to see if hungry..... Check to see if needs burping.... Those three are all you need to be concerned about.... The dressing needs to go on the back burner and then after the young is sleeping all night you might want to resume....

[Kate Simmons]

I can only say one thing my friend. Love and enjoy your family first and foremost. Then whatever else is meant to be will fall into place.:battingeyelashes::)

[Gwinnie]

Thanks for the replies. The baby thing has been going on for a few years. My wife and I are the lucky 1% where we both have issues. We just did IVF and I had to have surgery as well so they had to go in and get what was needed. It hurt. Hurts more just thinking about it. Just so much stress and ups and downs. Mostly downs. Just hard to get excited about anything anymore.

Gwendolyn

[mykell]

from the second your baby exits the womb the memory of that procedure will fade and "ups" and "excitement" will be your reality, so many "firsts" are heading your way....

[lovetobedani]

Gwinnie..........

I like you can never pass nor am I especially good looking as a male either. I've felt like you do many times only to have who I really am come out. I view dressing like a spring. The longer you go without dressing the more that spring compresses only to jump up at a later time. If you think that it's expensive now just wait until you purge (as we all have) and go to repurchase it all over again. My suggestion would be to store your things until you want to dress again..................Trust me you will.

[Stephaniew]

I agree with princess ... store it away... purging is expensive too.... over the years I have tossed away several items

[NicoleScott]

Having a child and crossdressing are not mutually exclusive. You can do both.
As CDers, we are driven to wear the clothes, and our beginnings were any thing but glamorous. But over the years we worked at it, trying new things and learning how to do it better. I find it surprising that your desire to dress is diminishing because you're unhappy with the look.
But if the desire just isn't there, why fight it?

[Pippa A]

Hey Gwinnie... About looking good - If you're waiting until you're completely happy with your look, forget it! Nobody ever is. How many GG's do you know who are completely happy with their look? Even models obsess over every tiny flaw they find. Forget images in teh media - they're all airbrushed

Whatever you decide, the most important thing is that you find a way to be comfortable with who you are. You are who you are, so don't sweat what you can't change and just learn to enjoy being you.

Good luck whatever you do, and congratulations on the baby :)

[kimdl93]

Do it. There is no reason to continue and no penalty for changing your mind later.

[Samantha Clark]

Having a baby and raising a child is the most important thing you can do. When I held by daughter in my arms moments after she was born, my life changed forever and made me a better person. Having an infant will fill your universe. You will have depths of love you never knew you were capable of. It will be a miraculous thing.

Your life won't be over after your baby is born. It will be different, but there will still be opportunities to pursue your happiness. Right now it is stressful for you as you and your wife anticipate and prepare. Don't make any decisions now. Wait until after your baby is born and life establishes a new routine before making any choices.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gwen, Just think about your upcoming child birth and just put your things away and sooner or latter the urge will probably come back.

[WhisperTV]

Gwendolyn there is nothing more important than your family.

I'd say more but you already know it and I just put on a new outfit that arrived today and I'm just floating in pink fog right now.

[darla_g]

Gwinnie, you don't need to post a thread if you want to quit. People do it every day. If you want to do it fine, but I'm guessing you are somewhat torn. Do you derive pleasure from dressing? If you do then you can continue to do it but its entirely up to you.

[Tracii G]

Just pack up your girl stuff for another day.
Congrats on the little one coming soon.

[Pink Susan]

I can't quit , I have no choice , this is me

Yes its hard , yes its expensive , yes its getting difficult to look beautiful in my 50's .. but this is the hand I was dealt , so I play it best way I can

[Rachael Leigh]

Gwinnie don't let being a CD define you your family and children are way more important than this. Despite what some here say it is possible to stop if you truly wish to

[amyjacks2014]

^,^

I am with Pink Susan. I am not stopping dressing up. In fact, I am expanding
what I am doing. Not sure what I will do next ... probably a purse, and then a
necklace and something to start attacking the face hair more permanently ...
I have options.

My previous comments were to say that if you can stop dressing up and be
comfy with it ... especially if you have family obligations that are standing between
you and your dressing up, then there is nothing wrong with it, or you.


Amy M. Jackson

[Farrah]

Well, from experience, quitting is not an option. You may stop, but you'll be back. I know I'll never pass or look drop dead gorgeous, but the feeling is amazing. I hope you make the best decision for you and your family. Muah!

[Michelle789]

Gwen,

Purging is a BIG mistake. I purged once and REGRETTED it, because that means you have to buy your entire wardrobe all over again. Not only is it expensive, but you have to go through the headache of buying wigs, makeup, clothes, shoes, and accessories all over again. Now that I have a complete wardrobe, I just find that I buy a new item of clothing when I find something I like, or replace a worn out item, but it make shopping way more fun to be maintaining or improving an existing wardrobe than to start from scratch.

If you wish to stop CDing, just place your stash of clothes in a closet so when you want to start CDing again, everything will be there and ready for you to use when you start up again.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but your desire to CD will NEVER go away. It will only get stronger. You have gender dysphoria that is less progressed than a transsexual. You probably won't transition, but you do have a female identity, and a need to express that.

If I feel like I don't pass well or look attractive enough, I try to see what it is that gets me clocked or causes me to look unattractive, and I try to fix it. I find that wearing blue (lighter preferably), black, or red clothes suits me well, while white looks just completely awful on me (well, white tops do). I'm not so sure about tans or beige or neutral colors how they look on me. But I find that certain clothes look better on me, and for me that means more femme styles.

I find that clothes that fit me right are important too. Too tight and I feel uncomfortable. Too baggy and I feel like totally not feminine, like a "dude in a dress".

Passing is very much confidence. We clock ourselves first. I find that self acceptance of who I am is the most important part of passing, and is something I work on every day. Of course, I am TS and am transitioning, but this applies to CDers as well as TSes. We're all in this together. Oh, and FTMs are in this with us too, as they deal with a lot of the same issues as we do.

[ReineD]

When I'm at home I just don't feel like it.

You need to follow your heart and not worry about it. If the desire comes back some years from now, then you can crossdress again.

If you look at the statistics on the Index page, you'll see that 27,000 members have registered in this forum, yet there are only 5,000 active members. Of those, only a few hundred participate on a regular basis (you see the same members post in all the threads). I'm sure that a lot of members have moved on from the CDing, or maybe they only put on women's clothes a few times per year.

The intensity to do this is different for everyone.

PS. Congratulations on your baby! And don't worry, there is still a life after we have kids. :)

[Confucius]

Gwen,

There are many things in life that are more important than cross-dressing; (e.g. your wife, your children, your career, etc.) Yes, I know cross-dressers who give up cross-dressing for decades. You can get help from organizations like Thorin's http://healingcd.wordpress.com/

You can also use some substitute items that feel like lingerie: men's satin underwear, or men's nylon pajamas. Wear a couple pair of nylon men's pajama pants and they slide against each other and feel sensual. You can use your imagination and experiment with some other substitute items.

Relish all the good things about being a man. There are great male virtues that make being a man wonderful. Good men love, protect and respect their wives and family. Remember, you are more than your cross-dressing. Cross-dressing does not control you, or define you.

[Marcelle]

Hi Gwinnie,

A little late to the thread and there is lots of great advice here already. Firstly CONGRATS on the baby, that will be a great moment of joy for both you and your wife . . . enjoy it as they grow quickly (my daughter turned 28 this year). Rather than just quit, why not box Gwinnie for a bit of time and see how it goes. You may find that perhaps a few Gwinnie moments in a week or month might be sufficient but then again you might still be hit by a desire to dress more often. So rather than purge everything (not sure if you are planning on this) just store it away. I am assuming your wife knows about Gwinnie? If so, have you talked to her about your angst as she might be able to provide you insight from her perspective. As far as passing or going out . . . sweetie, it is not a race or a competition. Very few of us truly pass and even some the prettiest CDers never survive first contact. If someday you do feel the need to go out, the only advice I can give is accept the fact you will be read and own it.

However, you have a new baby on the horizon and this is a joyous moment and one that will require your full-time attention. Let Gwinnie stew a little on the back burner (don't turn her off - just on simmer) and concentrate on getting the next chapter in your life on the go. Gwinnie will always be there when you are ready to return.

Hugs

Isha

[devida]

Hey Gwinnie, don't feel too sad, having a baby is tons of fun, absorbing, exhausting, stressfull, and delightful, but it sure isn't depressing. Should you quit cding? I don't know. It kind of of depends on how important it is for your identity. Maybe being a Dad in a kind of conventional dad-like way is more important. But if you haaven't had the baby yet really this is all just in your mind. You don't have to make any big deal decisions right now. Just be the best husband and new father you can be. It really doesn't make a bit of difference whether you want to dress or not. Let it go. If you have to put your clothes in a box, do so, but really, being a new father and wanting to cross dress don't actually have anything to do with each other. Don't let your mind distract you from your real responsibilities right now.

[Maria 60]

You could only wish sweetly, if only it was that easy, I will never come close to looking fem or will ever walk out that door but I am afraid it's in our blood. I thought the same thing and now with both my kids over twenty I still don't look like a girl and I still didn't walk out that door dressed yet. I have been taking my wife's advice since the day I told her, she told me not to look into it to much and have fun with it neither one of us asked for this, so just enjoy this gift that I have been given. I am not going to lie to you they were not the easiest years of my life but one way or another the dressing was a part of it. So try to quit if you want or you can just take my wife's advice and just roll the dice and go with it were ever it may lead you and most of all, just enjoy it.