Not so sure anymore

[Nikki A.]

As someone who has been comfortable presenting as Nikki, going out with friends, attending a liberal church and being somewhat active in CD & LGBT groups. Lately I've reached a point where I'm beginning to wonder why am I doing this and even if I should continue.
I'm thinking of buying another wig and I keep putting it off for no real reason. The defining moment was this past weekend. I was at my friend's store and she had just put out this lovely dress that I adored and I tried it on (along with heels that would have gone perfectly) and while I liked it and it fit pretty well, I didn't buy it because this feeling came over me and said why even bother. I just felt so out of place and just so wrong. I haven't been able to go out much recently, and to be honest I really haven't made much of an effort either.
Maybe it's just a lull, I know I won't purge just yet but I'm thinking of taking a break and reexamine if this is what I want or need to do.
I know I'm being a bit of a Debbie Downer, but again this choice or need of what we do is not always sweetness and light.

[Samantha Clark]

Maybe it is a bit of a lull. I feel there are fluctuations in my desire/need to dress. Sometimes I don't get into it at all, and then other times I can't get enough. I just remind myself that life is dynamic, not static. Go along for the ride and don't fret.

[bimini1]

Must be something in the air as I had just about the mirror image of this feeling today. I've had lulls before but this seemed different. I've had CD friends who believe some simply outgrow it at some point. Here I am 45 years along the way and these feelings come over me. And it is 1 week from a planned outing that I had really been looking forward to, or so I thought.
A new wig arrived today and its a hot wig. A smoker for sure and I looked great in it. I had been trying to find the style for months and finally found it. Maybe just anticlimactic I don't know but something was missing for sure.
It could be that I need to get out and blow the cobwebs out of my mind, then again we'll see.
I am going to proceed with the outing but I think it will be a real litmus test for me. I think some of mine has to do with being a relatively new father. This morning my 3 year old daughter said something to me about something that happened at her school along the lines of gender. She said something like only girls do this. And I said how come? Her response caught me, because boys aren't girls.
It kinda shook me as I was going thru these other feelings. It left me saying to myself wow if a 3 year old can tell the difference why can't I.
Funny how we'll spend all this toiling trying to quit down thru the years then the feeling leaves and we then get concerned about it going away. Insane.
I'm second guessing the whole thing now. Ride it out and see where it goes. Could wake up tomorrow with a completely different vibe.

[WhisperTV]

So take a break. Not the end of the world. Take some time off from the lipstick and perfume and panties and heels. Do something else that's fun.

Nothing wrong with that

[Sharon B.]

We all have been through a dry patch then something clicks and we are right back in it. It might be a week, month or year but we all know it will come back.

[hope springs]

What whisper said!

If it doesnt feel right dont do it. Its the only true advantage of being a CD, we get to choose. this side of ourselves was/is filling some need. If it doesnt fill it now, re-examine the motives.
Some say its a sign you may need to transition. Others its a natural up-down cycle. But im sure thwre is a percentage that truly dont want to dress again. Before you give up totally, just examine why you did it in the first place and see what else you can do to fullfill the need.
Good luck, and dont be afraid to ask yourself the hard questions

[kimdl93]

Ups and downs seem to be common. The feelings of being out of place and wrong may suggest that you haven't as fully accepted yourself as you may have thought. Even for someone who has out and active, there are still some ingrained feelings you have yet to shed.

You might want to ask yourself if it's your inner voice that's bringing you down or the echo of those old ideas coming back to haunt you.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nikki, Just put your things away and take a break and sooner or latter the urge will surely be back.

[Roxie]

there is no right or wrong. Just do what feels right. Who knows maybe in a couple of weeks that dress will be something you cant wait to get.

[Edyta_C]

Dry spells sometimes hit us. I am pushed toward dressing whenever I feel stressed. When I'm mellow, I can go for quite a while with out feeling the urge. Then sometimes the pink fog strikes. Just go with the flow.

Edy

[S. Lisa Smith]

Don't worry, it happens to a lot of us. Things will even out soon.

[amyjacks2014]

^.^

Like the others said, thee is no correct answer. You are not less of who you are because you wear or don't wear a certain type of clothing. However, I want to go a bit deeper, and suggest that it is not wrong to reassess whether or not you are really into cross-dressing. Others have suggested that your feelings might mean you need to transition. I think it might mean that you are having second thoughts, but both possibilities are equally valid.

Take a step back and think about it clearly. Run a good hot bath, and think about the situation while wearing nothing. Ink about what you would like to wear, male or female, and then wear it. As others have said, both here and in other threads: it is perfectly okay to take a break. It is perfectly normal to rethink things from time to time. :)


Amy M. Jackson

[ReineD]

... and while I liked it and it fit pretty well, I didn't buy it because this feeling came over me and said why even bother. I just felt so out of place and just so wrong. I haven't been able to go out much recently, and to be honest I really haven't made much of an effort either.

Nikki, how old are you?

I'm a GG in my 50s, and I'd say that if you are about my age, your feelings are natural. We don't continue to seek the latest fashion and the degree of wardrobe options that we did when we were younger, when perhaps our weekends were filled with parties and outings with tons of friends. Most women who are middle aged and over reach a degree of confidence in who they are, they settle into their lives, and there is less focus on the more superficial trappings of fashion. I'm not saying that we begin to dress like bag ladies just because we're middle aged, but I'm not as plugged-in to buying as many clothes and accessories as I was in my 20s, 30s, and even 40s.

Also, our bodies do change as we age, and honestly the latest fashions looked a lot better on me before I developed a little tummy. :p

One last consideration: as we approach retirement, I think most of us who are not independently wealthy pay closer attention to not making needless purchases. If I already have three or four current and fashionable dresses and I get to wear them on average once or twice per week when I go out, do I really need more? When fashions change then of course I do, but I find that acquiring one or two outfits per new season is sufficient.

So don't be so hard on yourself. Just wear what you have and enjoy. You're in good company!

[Karren J]

I will echo what everyone else is saying, take a break. Spend a day or week or month or whatever enjoying the other parts of your life.

[Linda Stockings]

Sorry for my long response. I agree with everything said so far. Since my earliest experience, I have had lulls, dry spells, and times without interest in dressing many times. They have lasted from days to months, even a couple of years. I don't pretend to even have a clue of REALLY why the desire (and activity) has always returned, but it has, after each lull. SOMETHING I HAVEN'T HEARD SO FAR, THAT HAS BEEN TRUE FOR ME IS THAT EACH TIME MY ACTIVITIES RESUME, MY "SKILLS" IN SOME DETAILS BECOME MORE ELABORATE. That is NOT to say that I feel any desires to transition, go full time, or even necessarily increase my frequency of going out. My satisfaction by dressing is usually better, in the form of being more believable, such as makeup skills, better ways to emulate a GG figure, how to wear and size shapewear correctly, to basic things like just making better choices in fashion combinations, choices best for my age, realistic heels I can actually walk in, go out in, etc. My early choices IN EVERYTHING were NOT very believable, and drew very uncomfortable attention. My main point is just that I too have always had these lulls and resurgences in my dressing activity. I really believe the VAST MAJORITY of us have such lulls.

Best of luck, and happy resolutions,

Linda

[Kate Simmons]

I took a break about 3 years ago myself Nikki. Since then family dynamics have changed somewhat since my Daughter and family had left and I sold my home to my Son. I stayed to help him with his boys. Since then I have met a wonderful lady who has absolutely no problem with who I am. Sometimes we just need a break to reflect on things. I thought you were doing pretty well with all of that. In any case, you know where I am Nikki and I'm not going anywhere. Take care. :)

[Tracii G]

Put the feelings on the back burner and do what feels right for you.
I have had spells like that too.

[heatherdress]

Nikki - Sounds like you are a bit depressed. Most of us get depressed now and then but if this is persistent, find a therapist. Crossdressing by itself sould not be causing you depression. Hang in there.

[Farrah]

You've been around long enough to know that you not quitting. Maybe you're taking break to sort some things out. I hope everything works out for you!

[Nikki A.]

Thanks for all the kind words and opinions. I know I'm not quitting, but I guess I'm taking a little break and reexaming what I really want or need to do. Maybe I just need a chance to get all dressed up and go out.
I don't think transitioning is in the cards for me. Yes, I think there is the aging issue and the feeling that I don't think I look as good as I used to. It's just that in the dress, with no make-up, wig and shaping, I looked like a man in a dress rather than a woman and it kinda brought everything into a focus that no matter what, this is what it is and what it will be.
Those that have read previous posts know this doesn't usually bother me, but, today was my crisis in confidence.
The funny thing is that a few weeks ago I was helping my friend at the store she is shutting down, I was wearing a denim skort in drab and a lady came to the door and I had to tell her that we were closed and where the new store was. I had no problem with being dressed like that and even commented on it after it happened.

[ArleneRaquel]

Nikki,
IMO lulls are just a natural occurance in a CD's life. Just rise it iut and see what happens. Best Wishes and don't let this phase upset you.

[Beverley Sims]

Nikki,
For sure go into a hiatus for a while, do not purge.

If you find there is no satisfaction any more so be it, if it comes back you still have your things all still there.

Maybe there is some other interest that is occupying your mind at the moment.

[Teresa]

Nikki I've checked your age and think you've got to the point where you start to question the value of things, does the outcome justify the effort. I'm happy to dress but the effort of makeup and the eventual removal makes me wonder if it's worth it for what I'm planning to do. I did think today if I got the chance to slip on the denim mini and a top to soak up some sun but no way was I going to do full makeup only lipstick. I guess if you go to the meetings try it in drab and see how much you miss the dressing !

[sherri]

I went a year and a half without dressing or going out, and only took it back up several months ago. Part of it was due to my circumstances, but I think mainly it was about how I was feeling. As others have said, agng brings with it certain realities that must be accepted about how we look etc, and I think we have to let that pot simmer sometimes in order to come to terms with it. And too, there was a bit of disillusionment, a long time in coming, about certain hopes not being realized, mainly about relationships falling to materialize.

I think my dormant period was healthy and necessary. In the end, I found me again, who I really am and the sensibilities with which I wish to experience life. I may not be expecting Mr. or Ms. Right to show up, but I still need to experience personal interactions as a femme person and outward expression triggers and facilitates that. And honestly, I physically and emotionally need the smooth legs and skirts and cute shoes and pretty hair and all that femme softness. Without it, I'm a 24/7 imposter.

[sometimes_miss]

Lately I've reached a point where I'm beginning to wonder why am I doing this and even if I should continue.

Either you feel that you need to do it, or you don't. Only you can know whether the positives outweigh the negatives.

[alexakennard]

You need to look inside and emotionally feel that you want to do this. If you've grown tired of it and don't feel an attachment, then maybe you can move on. But if you feel like your femme side is a part of you, then you shouldn't let it go. Maybe taking a break isn't the worst idea!