Ideal domestic role?

[Ciara09]

Hi

I am wondering about CDers what is your preferred domestic role at home? And I don't mean anything in terms of sexual fantasy, I mean the real you being who you are, do you prefer being the man of the house or would you rather be a homemaker?

I get a bit insecure about this stuff especially being a crossdresser. I am trying to be the man of the house but I'm kind of a failure at it. I'm terrible at fixing stuff, just can't wrap my head around how machines work and what not. I get anxious and frustrated when trying to do anything mechanical. I have no idea how cars work, I've literally never opened the hood on mine (I've only had it 6 months though). I feel like I can do manly stuff if I really need to or feel ambitious but I don't enjoy it and admit I try to avoid it as much as possible.

I do think my skills and mentality are better suited toward a traditionally female domestic role and I think I would be happier if that's what were expected me. I feel at peace when I'm cooking for example.

I'm not saying life would be easier in that way, I just think it would be better for me individually. I know when people talk about these types of stereotypes and it comes off as anti-feminist and I don't want sound that way, but I have to be honest I do feel like women tend to be better at certain tasks and men tend to be better at certain tasks, for whatever reason. Somehow I ended up gravitating towards an 80% female dominated profession just because it was what it was what I was good at. I used to always try to avoid being perceived as womanly but I didn't know my career was so female dominated until I started working and noticed I was surrounded by women. At home, I'm starting to feel there's quite a bit of pressure on me to try be something I'm not.

I think as a crossdresser my interest in women's clothes might correlate with my desire to be in a traditionally female social role. I always thought it was purely sexual but now I don't know, the more I open my mind up the more clearly I see myself as a more feminine person in general, not just when I have the clothes on. The clothes seem to just complete a self image for me that I think it's based on my innate personality, which I've worked hard to suppress over the years.

[Donnagirl]

For me there is no correlation.... I do most of the cooking and food shopping. I do my share of the washing and ironing. Ill vacuum, dust, clean the oven and mop the floors. But I also do all the servicing and repairs on the cars (including the jaguar), fix the plumbing, build verandas and book cases, rebuild the fences, repair the roof.... And so much more....

I guess I'm happy in either role, I just don't like seeing a job that needs doing not being done....

[Erica Marie]

I would be the tom-boy type. I am very handy mechanically. Can fix most anything, enjoy the outdoors. I prefer to be more casual yet at times when the moment is right it feels nice to be all prettied up. In my honest opinion a female can do anything a male can and I am proof of that.

[Kate Simmons]

I'm the man of the house, woman of the house and person of the house. The housework and chores aren't done by any elf, so it's up to me. If I don't do it it doesn't get done plain and simple. As far as fixing stuff, I fix what I can and contract the rest. I don't look at any of it as "man's work" or "women's work", just work.:)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ciara, There's not much that I can't do in the manly world,
But now that I'm retired I share all the house work with my wife.:daydreaming:

[Ciara09]

I don't think there's "men's work and women's work," and I do the best I can at whatever task I'm given. I just seem to be finding myself realizing that I'm not very good at traditionally masculine tasks and I prefer the traditionally feminine ones. I hope that doesn't sound sexist, I certainly believe women can do whatever they are motivated to do. Only talking about myself as an individual.

[EllenJo]

I am the man and the woman of the house. I do the yardwork, repair work, the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning. I mow the yard in jeans and mop the kitchen floor in a skirt. As far as which I prefer, it is actually a draw. I guess now that I think about it the house work is more fun sincle I dress the part of a traditional homemaker. My wife refers to me as "Suzie Homemaker". I do see the house work as a traditional woman's role but not really in a mysoginistic way. I was raised on a farm and worked outside with my father but was also taught how to take care of domestic chores by my mother. I do feel more feminine when I am taking care of the house.

[lacie21cd]

I would definitely prefer to be the homemaker. I already do the housekeeping already it would be nice to start it earlier than after 5p, currently I have a double shift. When we were both working my wife moved up the corporate ladder much faster than me, so I feel she is better suited to be the breadwinner. However having a child with special needs, a school age kid, and a toddler she chose to stay home. However, typically she is the one that kills the bugs and fixes things. I make sure their showered, rooms are tidy, and put them to bed. My mentality definitely correlates to the female side of the spectrum I think. At work, I love chatting it up with the girls at work about their weekend and they always make comments that I am the only guy who notices their new shoes or outfits, etc.

Lacie

Sidenote: Auto parts stores have these things called Chilton's guides you can they tell you how to put your car together and take it apart, anybody can be a book mechanic. It is just a matter of buying the correct tools.

[CrossJess]

Definitely the woman around the house, being gay and what's seems to be the thing with gay couples is that one tends to be the man and the other seems to take on a more girly role, guess which one I am lol having said and as girly as I am I'm not afraid of getting me hands dirty, I do love working on cars with my bf and I'm handy with DIY and so is my bf, there isn't a lot we cant do together I don't mean that as a big head but we both get things done, my bf is the man around the house he's twice the size of me and very strong so any lifting work is done by him lol no good asking me i couldnt lift bugger all, apart from that everything is shared around the house, the only thing I wont let him do is the laundry because lol the last time he did it was a bit of a disaster lol bless him so I do all that.

[Ciara09]

I am going through a period of introspection right now which is why I am posting on here so much. Really just trying to be honest with myself and figure myself out.

But I think my posts are really screaming with insecurity and I'm sorry for that. I know that's my biggest issue. I am more or less happy with my life and emotionally stable in my relationship which is all you need in your domestic life.

I should just except my role as man of the house as less than ideal but do my best at it. I have to admit I feel good about myself when I do fix something. I broke my iPhone and fixed it once. It was a struggle but when I finished I did a victory dance!

[stephNE]

I cross over into both realms. I like working on the house (I have built two different additions), but I also like doing laundry, cooking, etc.

[Ciara09]

Crossjess- I think ironically I tend to stereotype gay men as being really good at DIY and other masculine tasks. It's been my experience, and again I'm generalizing, that gay men tend to have both a good eye for design and good concept of mechanics. I have a gay uncle who is a DIY whiz. He's feminine and drives a pink pickup truck and works in a female dominated profession, but he can fix anything and he does amazing professional quality home improvement stuff. He's always the guy to ask for advice on a DIY project.

[Katey888]

I have to say I am constantly surprised and impressed by you folk in the New World... :)

All that industry and activity crossing roles in the home - I am certainly one for equality about the place but will always be more than happy to take on more than my fair share of the domestic role in our household... yes, I probably do most of it.

Why, Lady Katey had spent quite a while working on menus with cook the other day, just to make sure everything was going to be fine with the memsa'b... and then making sure that Parker, the driver, had got the Bentley's annual service in place... what with that and the bridge and tiffin afternoon at the weekend, I was working up a fair glow before kicking off the slingbacks and relaxing with a nice chilled amontillado on the terrace...

You all seem to live such a visceral, frontier-like lifestyle - I do admire and envy you all - I remember being with the Jeffersons at their plantation in Virginia many years ago for a short break... Oh - sorry... that's the gamekeeper again - have to go and make sure he's got the right feed for the pheasants and the Purdey's are cleaned and oiled for the weekend.... A girl's work is never done, it seems.... ;)

Lady Katey V. Kensington III

Sorry - seriously, I do everything - my wife's disabled...

[Kate Simmons]

I'm all for introspection Hon. Ive been there and done all that though and pretty much know who I am and where I'm going. That being the case my responses on here are usually pragmatic rather than gender oriented.:)

[Chari]

Ciara, IMO domestic jobs should NOT be classified by gender. Know a few "guys" that really enjoy & are experts in cooking, baking, decorating, etc, while some gals are very content and great at doing mechanical, electrical. carpentry, and most outdoor projects! Consider doing those "jobs" you enjoy most. The remainder may have to be contracted out. Enjoy.

[Maria in heels]

Ciara....you describe what I'm sure many of us feel. I can totally relate to you, even though I can fix anything mechanically, can do all the "honey do" lists without any problems, yet I am a great homemaker. I could stay and did stay at home with my older children for over a year while they were growing up to see what it was like, and I enjoyed every minute of it...so did they! My wife, who is not "domesticated" would rather go out and work instead of staying home.

Maybe this is partly because I grew up in a house with only sisters, and we all shared in daily duties...I sometimes wish that I were born back in the 40's and could be like those tv moms of the 50's .... not the Brady bunch years but before that, where dresses were beautiful, kitten heels in those lovely leather pointy toe pumps like "Mrs C" from Happy Days...

Oh well, we do what we must, conquer the world at our jobs, and then come home at night and change into our softer personalities...I'm ok with that. The traditional female role that you talk about is something that I have wished for in such a long time, but its past that time for me, and once the kids are gone, Maria will be out in full force, and I am sure that she will be happy.

So you aren't alone Ciara....

[Ciara09]

I think I was wrong to post this on here, because it's not about crossdressing. I shouldn't draw the community into this.

This is clearly about my feelings of inadequacy in general and I sort of regret putting it in gender terms because that isn't right to women or to crossdressers.

Sorry about that I am trying to be more positive but as I except myself I'm also working on my negative self image which might be tainted by insecurity about my gender role self perception. I just want to be honest with myself but maybe I need to restrain myself sometimes out of respect to the community.

[Teresa]

Ciara
My wife thinks household stuff is easy, most of it is but she doesn't know I do it in heels but I can still make the Dyson fly, I really do enjoy doing the domestic stuff dressed, I would love to venture out and do the gardening, mowing the lawn in a Tshirt and skirt that takes nearly two hours. Then you hear the silencer ( muffler ) blowing on the car and think there goes the nails again, hate that job, got to be done in overalls with a few choice unlady like words, might as well do the oil change at the same time.
Back to domestic bliss to cook the evening meal, oh ! look at my nails !!

[Christen]

Oh, Please, stop stereotyping women, and men for that matter. Haven't lifted the hood on the car? 80% of my mates (male friends) have no idea about mechanics. Love cooking? 90% of my mates love food and cook like champions. Ever notice how many chefs are male, and love what they do? And be assured, crossdressing rates amongst chefs is very probably exactly the same as the general population. One, you are not a failure as a man because you don't service the car. Two, you are not more feminine because you cook.
Look, I feel more comfortable in the company of women than men, often but not all the time. I like dressing up, and putting on an apron and working in the kitchen is sweet. But really we of all people shouldn't stereotype roles.
Sorry, didn't mean to sound cranky.

Christen x

[devida]

My wife and I are pretty much full partners in housekeeping . I may do slightly more maintenance than she does, but she dismantled the dishwasher the other day and often can come up with a solution to a mechanical or electronic problem that I can't. I do the food shopping, the cooking and the floors. She does the dishes, the surfaces and the laundry. None of the jobs are really gendered except for a very few where muscular strength or height is required. She buys most of my clothes including some of the femme clothes, although I buy my own bras (she buys my panties). We do shop for clothes online together and go to cosmetic stores together. We have been together pretty much 24/7 for the last 28 years. She runs our business. I make the jewelry we sell. It's really hard for me to see any kind of division by gender in anything we do. Neither she nor I seem to think that way, and, actually, we never really did.

[Pink Susan]

I can totally relate to your post Ciara
I am so different to most australian men , I don't own a single power tool , wouldn;t know what to do with one , have no idea about Cars , electrics , fixing stuff , building anything , can't fight , can't grow a beard .. gradually I'm learning to stop pretending , and its good !
Day off today , wore a floral dress , sheer tan pantyhose , frilly pink panties (as usual ), cooked , cleaned , vacuumed the House , this is me , it feels so right

[Christen]

OK, got you now. Clara, I understand, I think. Unconfident in what you perceive as the traditional male role, the 'usual' guy, the more macho type. You, we, don't have to be like that. You can be sensitive, caring, soft, and be just as good a guy as the next bloke. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Christen x

[bridget thronton]

I do not believe in classifying any work as gender specific. My wife is disabled so I do much of the housework (and my daughter has never been limited by me on any work things - she is currently planning a career doing home remodeling)

[Ciara09]

I love this community so sorry if I alienated anyone. I also love and respect women and didn't mean to sound otherwise.

The mistake I made was misinterpreting my own personal weaknesses as feminine personality traits. I think that does reflect society's views in general but it's wrong. At least I know where I went wrong though. Sorry, I am trying to get better.

[DanielleLee]

We have a simple rule, one being taught to our kids as well. "If you see something that needs to be done.... do it" Household chores can be done by anyone living in the household :-)

[mariehart]

Only yesterday I realised something. It was a normal day for me. My wife goes to work early, and I get up later, dressed and feed my boys and bring them to school. Went and got my hair done. Back home I got my breakfast and settled down with a magazine and some morning TV. I now permanently under dress but often I dress up fully in the mornings when alone. Mornings are me time and I don't do many chores.

At one thirty, I collect the kids from school, give them lunch, kick them out into the sunshine away from the TV. Then I spent the afternoon, putting on two washes, filling the dishwasher, cutting the grass in the back garden, cleaning up after the boys, watched them play with yucky snails in the garden, sort out and fold clothes, filling the dryer and hanging up the washing. Giving in to demands for ice cream with a trip to the local shop. Thinking about dinner. Then finally sitting down with a cup of tea and logging on to the computer.

It was then I realised. I was happy! This was better than any job I ever did. I said recently that in my wildest dreams I never imagined that at my age. I would be spending most of my time on domestic duties, bringing up two small children and taking a step back from what I once imagined was my dream to do what I now realise is actually my dream job. I'm even starting to write a book.

Now it's fair to say I'm not very good at it yet. Like all jobs you learn as you go and multi-tasking is routine. My wife is better at tidying. I don't do ironing. She on the other hand never does any DIY. I'm not good at that either but can hang wallpaper and fix things. I think some women seem to think all men are good at painting, plastering, gardening and carpentry. My wife did but as I pointed out many of these jobs require training and apprenticeships and are considered skilled jobs. It's the opposite gender stereotype to the notion that women are naturally suited to domestic chores and child rearing.

I have laughingly told my wife, she's the worst sort old style husband ever. Always working late, but expecting the dinner on the table and always leaving me with a list of jobs I should be doing. Hard to get money out of her also!

So it's a real role reversal for me but not for her so much. Of course there is no such thing as male and female jobs in the home. But the reality is that for the most part women are more likely to stay at home than men. All my married sisters did. On the other hand all my wife's sisters stayed working and three are the main breadwinners two with stay at home husbands. They also kept their surnames unlike my sisters who changed theirs. While I haven't I've frequently been referred to by my wife's surname and I answer to it.

Sorry for rambling but I think I'm trying to say that I have taken on the what was always until recent years the traditional female role in life and discovered this is what I always wanted without ever realising it. Male or female this is my role in life.

I think Ciara, you probably need to look at it that way rather than think in terms of whether or not women or men are better in one job or other. After all women have been pilots, soldiers and all the other macho jobs for years now. It's not the job so much as what the woman brings to it or the man in the case of traditional female jobs.

[Beverley Sims]

I just don't think about it much, I do whatever has to be done, otherwise it does not go away.

[Ciara09]

Don't want to continue to paint myself as someone who is obsessed with gender stereotypes but I kind of am at this point and I just thought of an example to illustrate what I'm like. If I'm talking to a guy and he brings up his car and fixing it or something, I can feel myself go red in the face because as a man I'm supposed to be able to talk about that kinda stuff but I've got no clue. I think there is pressure on me to be more interested in stuff that I'm not interested in or else be labeled a sissy.

I don't want to sound like a cry baby but stuff like that does happen with me quite a lot, and I think that's a big part of why I prefer socializing with women. Fixing cars isn't usually going to come up in conversation with group of women, that may sound sexist but it true. I also don't feel like I'm going to be ridiculed too much for not knowing about guy stuff in a conversation with a woman. So with women I'm less likely to feel embarassed about my maleness in a conversation whereas with guys I know it's gonna happen. I know the solution though, stop taking myself seriously!

[suchacutie]

We do what needs to be done, using our respective talents in the best way. Tina doesn't work on mechanical things nor garden nor any other needs that would "get her hands durty". My guy side is very mechanically oriented and loves to fix anything and everything! So, including my wife, there are three of us who handle everything that needs to be done. There is no stereotyping, just the best use of natural gifts. Long before Tina was understood to exist, we never did fall into the gender stereotypes, so once Tina arrived in out understanding we never missed a beat. That seemed to be one of the "Tinaisms" that was there before we identified Tina!

[Teresa]

Ciara I know you haven't put many personal details on your page but much of what you say you are capable of depends on your upbringing, I had it drummed into me that there's no such word as can't and if a job wasn't done right it got done again and most of school was like that. My wife lived on a farm so they were given manual jobs that were too menial for the boys, like moving the sheep and fetching and carrying in harvest time. The men didn't have a clue on domestic chores !
So when she married me she was confronted with a guy who would tackle anything from cooking to ironing and then go out and fix the car renovate houses, set up his own business and then find out he likes dressing up and he's not bad at that either. The only trouble is now I've turned sixty I feel like you except that I'm feeling worn out but everyone who knows me still come to me because I know something about most things and they think I still want the challenge of repairing everything.

Don't beat yourself up I think you're smarter than me at least you know your limitations and others accept you for that !

[MsVal]

Here's the stereotype in reverse:

My best buddy while growing up, I'll call him Jim because that's his name, came from a traditional working class Italian family. I had my knees beneath their kitchen table more than a few times and I can testify that momma made lots of really great food.

Time went on and Jim fell in love with, and eventually married a wonderful young woman from a wealthy family. So wealthy in fact that they had a cook. The cook didn't care for kids in the kitchen, so Jim's bride knew nothing about cooking - nothing at all.

Jim lost a lot of weight until they agreed that he should do the cooking.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Marcelle]

Hi there. I our house my wife and work with our strengths and weaknesses and negotiate the rest. She hates to vacuum and I truly love my (yes my) Dyson so I do all the vacuuming and she the dusting. The good old dishwasher does the dishes (thank goodness for technology), laundry we share and cooking . . . well let's just say that is my domain and nobody gets between me and the oven, BBQ or whatnot. When it comes to outdoors stuff, we share although my wife is not a big fan to the gas trimmer or lawnmower. Household repairs and renos tend to be my domain but that is because my lovely wife does not have skills in that department but she does help. So when it comes right down to it there are no "gender roles" just stuff that needs to get done. Of course unlike Lady Katey V Kensignton III we don't have a staff and our two dogs are no help whatsoever (ungrateful curs) :) :battingeyelashes:

Hugs

Isha

[mechamoose]

I do the cooking. I do the decorating. I help my wife with clothing choices. She does the bills. She is the disciplinarian with our son. I talk her down from ripping someone who has crossed us a new orifice.

This past Valentine's day, her card called me her wife, and my card called her my husband. We didn't coordinate that, it just happened.

Roles are roles, parts to play. It has nothing to do with gender, it has nothing to do with orientation. It is all about *fit*. The right partner compliments you... I don't mean praise, I mean filling in your weak spots. You cover for each other. You help each other. You protect each other,

I'm a 6'2", 230# dude with a beard and an *excellent* fashion sense. She is a voluptuous girl who is the 'pull my finger' parent.

Don't get so hung up on what chromosomes you have, figure out where you *fit*.

<3

- MM

[Amari]

Lady Katey V. Kensington III,
Thank you Ma'am, I did enjoy reading of your exertions!

Still chuckling...

Regards
Amari

[MissTee]

I do ALL the "man stuff" including car and home repairs, plumbing, welding, and whatever. I also cook and clean. I enjoy cleaning while dressed, but don't have to be. Drab mode when doing repairs. Overall, I don't prefer one over the other, and how I dress doesn't drive me toward any particular chore.

[grace7777]

Being single, I have to do the housework and the cooking or it does not get done. One of the reasons I have been living in apartments all my adult life is that I am not good at fixing things or doing plumbing work, so if something goes wrong I contact the apartment office and they send someone up to fix it. Another great thing about apartment living is that there is no yard work. As for auto repairs and maintenance I take my car to a mechanic.

Also I do not own any power tools. I do have a couple of screw drivers and a wrench and a pair of pliers to do minor things around the apartment. I can change a tire if I have to. A few years ago I did put a tv stand together and amazingly it has not fallen apart yet. In my car I have a socket kit and I cannot remember the last time I opened it up.

[Stephanie47]

As a retiree with a working wife I have assumed much of the domestic chores we use to share when I was still working. I do most of the laundry, ironing, vacuuming. baking, cooking. I do not necessarily do these chores en femme, although I do enjoy the June Cleaver look; heels, hosiery, dress, and all the proper undergarments. I wash the windows from the outside either en femme or en homme. Some of the care of the flower gardens is done en femme. I have done all the grocery shopping during our marriage. I am totally all thumbs when it comes to repairing cars, although all my male friends can no longer work/repair the latest cars with all the computer crap. I'm rebuilding the fence around the backyard. My do the lawn care.

My wife sews. She also cooks and bakes, but, not the same things I do. Basically, work has to be done. There's really no gender assignments anymore- at least in our home.

[Diane Lynn]

I do the cooking, baking, shopping, that kind of stuff. I do my own laundry, as my wife does not want my cloths to be washed with hers. I have a long haired Maine Coon cat the sleeps in my bed, and gets her fur allover everything. She is shedding her winter fur.

I was told recently by my wife, that if I wanted to be a woman, I should act like one, and do the domestic chores. She works all day, and I don't, so I figure I should do it. If I can do it in a dress, it is okay with me. I don't wear jeans or slacks, and I love my panty hose.

Diane

[Charla McBee]

I definitely seem to be more of a housewife than a breadwinner but it works.

[sometimes_miss]

I live alone. I do everything. Both single women, and single men, have to do the same. We farm out tasks that we are either unable to do, or can afford to have someone else do. I wear dressy type female clothing almost exclusively when at home, only change to work pants and shirts when the chore requires it, such as spackling/painting, or doing something (oh, like working under the car or up on the roof of the house, say) that might ruin otherwise pretty girl clothes. But yeah, I prefer to do my household chores while wearing my maid's uniform.