Ok I told her!

[mariehart]

This evening, we sat outside in the warm sunshine. Then I told her.

Now I regret it because it's clear she didn't know.

I don't know anymore.

We'll see how it works out.

I feel like the worst in the world!

[Katey888]

Chin up Marie! :hugs:

Genie's out of the bottle now... take it steady and calmly... try not to be any different to how you normally are and let her ask the questions...

Don't think you're the worst - all you've done is reveal another part of the real you...

And it has been a lovely day...? :)

We're all here for you - remotely, virtually - but here!

Katey x

[Jolene Robertson]

I'm sure she just needs some time to digest it. Give her some space and she is sure to have some questions. You didn't say what her response was. But as Kattey said "we are all here for you".

Best of luck
Hugs
Jolene

[Princess Grandpa]

Hug

I will be watching for updates. I so hope this ends with a happily ever after.

Hug
Rita

[mykell]

cant hit "cancel" been there, felt that, she wrote me an e-mail the next day, answered all the questions in a letter back, handed it to her and stayed while she read it,
offered the DADT scenario, she accepted and things are pretty much back to normal, will be a tough few days ahead, finish some projects that may have been started keep yourself busy but be available if she wants to talk, hard part is over, lots of help is available but a few more details would point us in the right direction for advising you, we here for you, if you need more advise send a PM. revealed in January after 30 yrs together...

[hope springs]

I hope you can both come to a reasoned compromise. Did she say anything? Were there tears? Did she hurl heavy objects at you? In order to offer sound advice we may need some more details. Failing that, i vote for heavy drinking

[CrossJess]

Its done now sweet, nothing you can do but just let her be and answer any questions she may have

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Marie, Read the signature line at the bottom of this post. vvvvv

[Marcelle]

Hi Marie. Remember this is a lot for her to digest and integrate so give her some room and time. Once you feel she is ready to discuss then approach the subject again. It is likely she will let you know when she is ready. Good luck sweetie and just hold your course and weather the storm.

Hugs

Isha

[Farrah]

I think everything will be ok. She didn't run for the hills, so she's probably taking it all in. Sometimes, I have to take a step back and say, "I dress up like a woman." Anyway, don't think you're the worst. You just shared a part of you that will probably compliment the person you are, already. Chin up and just let her know you're an open book. Like someone stated earlier, I'll be looking for updates. I'm hoping everything works out for the best, for the both of you! Muah! :hugs:

[kimdl93]

Who is she, what did you tell her and how did she resppond?

[Beverley Sims]

Marie,
Now is the time to sit and wait, answer the questions without embellishment.

It does take time for all this to sink in.

I wish you all the best.

[mariehart]

Thanks for the replies. I felt bad telling my wife but as I explained to her I also felt bad I never told her before. She said that it must have been hard for me to keep it a secret for so long. There was no drama or tears although I felt like crying. Her main issue was whether anyone else knew and whether I would tell everyone. I reassured her that I had kept it secret for so long then I would hardly rush out and tell the world now.

She said she suspected it all along. So it wasn't the surprise it might have been.

Her sister arrived at that point and we stopped the discussion.

I don't think she'll embrace it and encourage it but I also know she won't turn it into a major drama. Also I'm going to push it or envelop myself in a pink fog.

Knowing her as I do, she'll probably just accept it as a facet of my life and leave it at that.

We'll see.

[Charla McBee]

I think it's always best to get this off your chest sooner rather than later. I told my wife way back when she was still engaged to someone else because we have been close friends since 7th grade. She still ended up leaving that other guy for me. We both try to be completely honest with each other and that's why our marriage works.

Hope it all goes well for you.

[MsVal]

It may seem out of place Marie, but I am going to congratulate you.

It takes a great deal of emotional energy to keep something so significant a secret from one's spouse. Some would even say it is dishonest, or at least not fully honest. The joy of dressing is diminished by the feelings of guilt, and anxiety of having one's cache of clothing discovered, or worse yet, one's self, dressed. The burden of keeping a secret, second life becomes so great that disclosure, no matter how badly it may go, becomes a better option.

It is also very difficult to make that disclosure. It's is nearly impossible to get the first sentence past your lips, and the feeling that you were wrong to do so comes immediately after. Yet, sentence by sentence, even word by word, you finally presented the information you had been keeping secret. You empowered your wife to make a decision that could potentially crush you.

And she didn't.

You are well aware of the wealth of information on this forum regarding post-disclosure activities and communications. I have a great deal of faith that everything will go better than you fear.

Again, congratulations on taking that first big step toward full and open communications.

Best wishes
MsVal

[bridget thronton]

From her reaction - it sounds like a start, I hope things move forward without too much pain

[Pippa A]

She sounds pretty cool, that lady of yours. I feel pretty sure she'll come round. The fact that she commented on how hard it must have been for you shows she has a good heart and a lot of empathy, and I feel certain that between the two of you, you'll come to an arrangement where you're both happy with the situation. As others have said though, now's the time to give her room and time to get used to things.

Good luck Marie, please let us know how it goes :)

[Roxie]

you told her the truth , it a part of you.Hang in there

[SusansWife]

Pippa made a great point-- your wife empathized with the difficulty of keeping your secret, that speaks loads about her character :). I think she has the potential to be very supportive of you, with a little time to adjust to the idea.

[mariehart]

Just thought I'd update on my previous posts. As I mentioned previously we were interrupted by the arrival of one of my wife's sisters. Since then there wasn't much of a chance to talk again and anyway she didn't give any indication her attitude to me had changed at all. It's also fair to say my wife is a quiet thoughtful and very sweet person and not given to over reaction. So I wasn't surprised at this.

Eventually on Sunday morning I asked if she had more questions on the matter. She just said she'd let me know if there were any and left it at that.

You might think that's not very positive. But here's how our day went. As we were getting dressed we were talking about going shopping. She going on a business trip to England and needed to buy some suitable clothes. She also self conscious about her looks look so many women and she sighed and wished she had legs like mine. I laughed and told her that she should seen them in tights and high heels. She laughed too.

As it's summer she wanted her toenails looking good so we settled down and I filed, buffed and polished them for her. But we needed a new bottle of nail polish. So we headed into town and hit the shops looking for that and a summer trousers and sandals to go with her very nice top. We eventually got a nice pair of trousers and headed for the shoe shop with two increasingly restive small boys. After happily browsing through the selection, we both love shoe shopping, eventually found the perfect pair. After that we had a look around another shop with our oldest giving indications he was about to collapse from starvation now that he spotted Burger King in the mall. Then we remembered the nail polish. I soon found the perfect one, a dark red although we briefly flirted with a blue or green given the current trends. After replacing all the lipstick our youngest had removed from the display we went to eat.

When we got home, we settled down and I painted her nails with her commenting that you could tell I'd done this before.

On the whole a very relaxed and pleasant day. Oh and yes I got a Father's day present too.

What does it all mean? If I know the woman I married she's accepted it even if she's not very comfortable or familiar with the idea. I doubt if she'll encourage me but equally I don't think she'll use it against me. If anything she'll use it to her advantage when it comes to painting nails and shopping!

Time will tell.

[MsVal]

Thank you for the follow-up story, and the Monday morning grin.

Best wishes
MsVal

[brit_cd]

Sounds great. brave for telling her for sure/ glad she is a good person and could understand somewhat. Hope it keeps going well for you both.

[Jessy Jamz]

Good for you! It's so hard I know. She will need some time to get her head around it, but if your relationship is strong she will be supportive. Either way it's good you told her.

[Adriana]

Sounds like it worked out and as you said time will tell on how much she accepts it. I find that it has taken my wife several years to come to terms, but she is understanding and supportive :). Best wishes, Adriana

[mariehart]

You might remember how I told my wife finally in my previous thread..

Later I explained further. Last night we talked a bit more and I gave her more details She was very understanding and took it all onboard and it was clear that while she didn't really want to see me fully dressed she had no problem with me dressing as long as it was discreet. I even showed her the box with my clothes and told her the combination lock code.

Today I panicked, I built up stuff in my head. I decided to tell her I was going to get rid the few clothes I had and that I would stop any crossdressing in the future. Essentially I was feeling guilty about what I'd imposed on her.

When she came home from work and over a glass of wine and after a big build up I tried to tell her all this. She dismissed me straight away, it was no problem, she didn't get it yet but she would work it out. She was irritated that I would even think she would try and stop me and basically told me not to worry about it. After all the drama in my head she put me at ease in about sixty seconds.

I am in awe of her.

I am so lucky. Why did it take so long for me to reaiise I'm with for one of the best women in the world?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Ok Marie, Now the ball is in her court just don't overwhelm her with this program , Let it sink in.

[Beverley Sims]

It is always wonderful to be able to engage in positive dialogue.

[Teresa]

Marie do you think she's been doing some background digging to be that easy about it ? I know you've got some unanswered questions in your head, they never seem to go away ! I found it hard not having ground rules, I still don't know how far is too far !!
You are progressing well just take it at her pace, I sometimes ask if my wife wants to ask me about things, just to get an opening to be able to talk but she does always take the bait. I guess I'm still looking for total acceptance .

[mariehart]

Possibly, Teresa. I would be surprised if she didn't. Plus she asked some relevant questions. She seems very relaxed about it.
Like you I would prefer more clarity but I think it will come in time. I'm not going to do anything rash. At the moment I'm just happy not to have to hide from her anymore.
One change in her attitude I have noticed. She seems warmer to me, not that we were ever cold with each other. Needless to say I feel warmer towards her too. I kissed her this morning and told her how much I appreciated her handling of it all. She joked 'Only now you appreciate me?'

[AKADonna]

Marie: You are in a wonderful place with your spouse! Treasure the situation as it is and move forward real slowly. Please don't push too hard, too fast! It sounds like she is a very unique and special woman!

[bridget thronton]

Wonderful spouse