LeaP
06-13-2014, 03:18 PM
(by popular request. OK, just one, but still …)
There’s nothing to quite compare with a beautiful woman stepping up to the mic on karoke night and belting out a perfect imitation of Paul Robeson’s Ol’ Man River. Makes me tear up every time, though not for the sake of the music’s beauty. In a similar vein, if you are a MTF TS and your nickname is “Boomer” or “Froggy” you have a little, bitty obstacle to overcome. Ditto if you are prone to making the walls shake when you shout “Cut It Out” to the kiddies with an angry look and a lion’s roar. The lyrics in “I Am Woman” are metaphors, not literalisms!
But if you are stuck with a voice that makes women’s knees wilt, Bing Crosby jealous, and gets you tapped for the roles that usually go to Ving Rhames, is there anything you can do?
What a great question!
Why yes! There’s an app for that!
But before we get to THAT, why change your voice at all? After all, isn’t it fake, a lie, an imitation? And aren’t there women with deep voices?
Let’s take the last first. Of course there are deep-voiced women! Now let’s see – who are among the first always cited? Bea Arthur! There you go! Forget coming off as Charlize or Angelina. You now have a MUCH more realistic goal! Yes’m, stand right up in your next support group and announce that you want to sound like Bea Arthur or Ethel Merman. The fact that you might look a wee bit like Maude will certainly help your case, though perhaps not your quality of life.
Some examples illustrating the practical implications of this may help. Consider what might have happened if Princess Leia had Darth Vader’s voice:
On the positive side: “I don't know who you are or where you came from, but from now on you'll do as I tell you, okay?” Result? INSTANT compliance!
On the negative side: “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope.” Reaction? “Ew … in your dreams …”
What about the lie bit? I know! Surgery! Then it will be REAL! Is there anything that can’t be fixed with surgery? Why yes, as it happens, voice is one of those things that you can’t fix with surgery! But you can sure spend the money on it anyway! You, of course, will be the exception as usual. No, YOU won’t be the one who sounds like they are someone in an anti-smoking commercial, talking through an electronic tracheotomy box. No, YOUR voice will be a dead ringer for Diana Rigg’s. But just so’s you know, you also have a chance of winding up sounding like George Takei doing Minnie Mouse. The surgery is expensive. (Sounds familiar) How expensive? Bwahahahahaha!
But there’s that app. There’s a bunch of them actually. Google ‘em. They help. They work. And FOR ONCE, it doesn’t cost a lot! Train your little heart out for nary an extra widow's mite. It will, however, take a long time (sorry). And what happens with the one near-freebie out there? Hardly anyone does it! Alas – me too. And it’s one of the strongest tells out there, too. How perverse is that? And so gaggles of T-girls everywhere sound like mafia smoking dens when they let their guards down and relax. It’s a glamorous, fantasy life, no doubt about it. Maybe what we REALLY like is spending money?
I’m disappointed in myself. But I’m getting used to it.
Still want to transition in a heartbeat?
There’s nothing to quite compare with a beautiful woman stepping up to the mic on karoke night and belting out a perfect imitation of Paul Robeson’s Ol’ Man River. Makes me tear up every time, though not for the sake of the music’s beauty. In a similar vein, if you are a MTF TS and your nickname is “Boomer” or “Froggy” you have a little, bitty obstacle to overcome. Ditto if you are prone to making the walls shake when you shout “Cut It Out” to the kiddies with an angry look and a lion’s roar. The lyrics in “I Am Woman” are metaphors, not literalisms!
But if you are stuck with a voice that makes women’s knees wilt, Bing Crosby jealous, and gets you tapped for the roles that usually go to Ving Rhames, is there anything you can do?
What a great question!
Why yes! There’s an app for that!
But before we get to THAT, why change your voice at all? After all, isn’t it fake, a lie, an imitation? And aren’t there women with deep voices?
Let’s take the last first. Of course there are deep-voiced women! Now let’s see – who are among the first always cited? Bea Arthur! There you go! Forget coming off as Charlize or Angelina. You now have a MUCH more realistic goal! Yes’m, stand right up in your next support group and announce that you want to sound like Bea Arthur or Ethel Merman. The fact that you might look a wee bit like Maude will certainly help your case, though perhaps not your quality of life.
Some examples illustrating the practical implications of this may help. Consider what might have happened if Princess Leia had Darth Vader’s voice:
On the positive side: “I don't know who you are or where you came from, but from now on you'll do as I tell you, okay?” Result? INSTANT compliance!
On the negative side: “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope.” Reaction? “Ew … in your dreams …”
What about the lie bit? I know! Surgery! Then it will be REAL! Is there anything that can’t be fixed with surgery? Why yes, as it happens, voice is one of those things that you can’t fix with surgery! But you can sure spend the money on it anyway! You, of course, will be the exception as usual. No, YOU won’t be the one who sounds like they are someone in an anti-smoking commercial, talking through an electronic tracheotomy box. No, YOUR voice will be a dead ringer for Diana Rigg’s. But just so’s you know, you also have a chance of winding up sounding like George Takei doing Minnie Mouse. The surgery is expensive. (Sounds familiar) How expensive? Bwahahahahaha!
But there’s that app. There’s a bunch of them actually. Google ‘em. They help. They work. And FOR ONCE, it doesn’t cost a lot! Train your little heart out for nary an extra widow's mite. It will, however, take a long time (sorry). And what happens with the one near-freebie out there? Hardly anyone does it! Alas – me too. And it’s one of the strongest tells out there, too. How perverse is that? And so gaggles of T-girls everywhere sound like mafia smoking dens when they let their guards down and relax. It’s a glamorous, fantasy life, no doubt about it. Maybe what we REALLY like is spending money?
I’m disappointed in myself. But I’m getting used to it.
Still want to transition in a heartbeat?