How do you see yourself? All input/replies welcomed

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Disclaimer

While this question may seem directed at CDers who go out in public, I welcome replies from everyone based on personal observations which you may have experienced or gleaned from reading posts on this site. For CDs who don't go out I welcome your input because you will still have a perception of yourself but more from a private perspective. I know that our TS folks perceive themselves as the gender they wish to be, I know that inter-sexed folks perceive themselves as the gender of choice and I know GGs and GMs perceive themselves as their gender. However this is not to say you do not have insight into this question. So please feel free to pile on as I am quite curious how the community writ large sees this.

I had posted some pictures based on a experiment I conducted to determine how quickly my male physiology (arms and shoulders - bared) would get me read. Quickly BTW :eek:. One reply from one of our members got me thinking. Specifically she indicated that "she didn't think anyone would see me for anything but a guy (loosely quoted)" In my opinion that is an accurate appraisal. I have always maintained and never lost site of the fact that I am a guy . . . sometimes I just like to dress pretty :battingeyelashes: I prefer to blend when out and for me blending means being able to enter a venue (say Starbucks . . . this girl loves her coffee :D) without a shining beacon descending from the heavens a chorus of angles on unicorns announcing "GUY!"

I have never believed that blending means people look at me and see a woman, nor have I ever hoped they would. Let's face it, this thing we (CDers) do, can seem very weird to the uninitiated (not saying we are weird :)) and going out in public presents it challenges. However for me going out "en femme" brings a certain amount of peace/calm to my life and it just feels plain good . . . so I do it. However at no time do I feel as though I am woman or expect to be seen as anything but what I am . . . a guy. Blending just makes the experience a little bit more pleasant by allowing me time to normalize in a venue before the staring and finger pointing begins.

Now before anyone piles on with ... Well if you perceive yourself as a guy, why go through all the time and effort of presenting female? Seems counterintuitive :confused: If I could explain why I do it . . . well let's say that would be whole different thread. Suffice it to say that while I dress, act (mannerisms/walk) and talk (close facsimile) as a woman I do this to blend. I don't feel as though I magically transform into a woman or people will see a twenty-something hottie when I am out and about. Nor do expect women to accept me as one their own kind. What I do perceive is that I am a good person (regardless of how I am dressed) and I have the right to present in any manner I deem appropriate (within reason obviously). Sometimes I just prefer to dress as a girl and sometimes a boy.

So my questions are:

1. When you go out (or stay in) and look in the mirror do you see a woman or a man? Specifically do you feel as though your masculine (if you want to put name to it) side is subsumed by your feminine side?

2. When you are out do you wish to be perceived as a woman? I am not talking about blending (hiding in plain site) but more so you truly want people to accept you as a woman.

As I noted above for those to whom the questions do not apply please feel free to provide feedback based on your own personal observations either experienced or as gleaned from the posts on this site. :)

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Isha, I am a 71yr.old male but when I get dressed and made up and put on my blonde shoulder length wig
I can see a 60 something lady smiling at me.:daydreaming:

[Kate Simmons]

When I'm all done getting ready, I usually see what I would describe as a feminine type person looking back from the mirror. The whole effort makes the look. When I go out my aim is to have fun being myself and enjoying the freedom of same. I never have claimed to be a woman and how others see me is up to their own perception I figure. This is all good enough for me my friend.:battingeyelashes::)

[Jaclyn]

Hi Isha
First let me start by saying I always enjoy your threads and reply's, they are my favorite to read. :hugs:

When I dress I'm also trying to blend, I want to look and dress as close to a women as I can. Going unnoticed would be my goal so that I could safely fit in, not have to worry about ridicule and laughter or worse. Which is exactly how I dress in guy mode also, I'm not a trend setter.

I've yet to be outside the house dressed, except for under-dressing which I always do, but going out is a goal of mine. I first need the nerve and my wife's approval.

Jackie

[CrossJess]

When I look in the mirror I always see a guy and a very feminine looking one at that, I like being a guy even when I'm out I still present my self as a very girly guy, I wear a little bit of make up but not much, I don't bother with breast forms or bras as I have no real desire to have all that weight on me chest and plus I would feel silly having fake boobies, also I never wear a dress in public as that's not how I want to come across yet at home no problem as that's where I prefer to wear them not that I wear them that often anyway lol maybe on my most extreme days of feeling girly, my hair is naturally long and always have it tied up like a girl with a hair band/bow, it helps being gay because when people see a guy dressed in what I wear the instant reaction would be "ah must be gay" which I like that because...well.... I am just that! a gay guy looking incredibly feminine :battingeyelashes: or as my work colleagues say "JJ the Super Gay!":doh: and yes they even made me a T-shirt with that on :eek:

[noeleena]

Hi,

How am i percived and seen , no matter my clothes wether im in male or female work clothes in shorts a dress or my normal clothes of a skirt tops and head wear with or with out makeup though i dont wear makeup as you know .as i dont need it ,

my facial features are male .though thats open to ? , because my facial features have changed over the years as more softer in my looks, and just nice. my body is as female though not in all details as is well known

its not about what i see its about what i am. a normal female who is a woman though different in my birth.

im well accepted and get on well with people in all i do. i dont need to ask can i help its about those who know me its youll be there any way , and they wont me there with them.

My acceptance is based on who i am , not how i look or not i dont do blend in i dress differently and with our groups,

I never liked how i looked at age 10 facial wise and no different now , that does not stop me from loving myself as i should and accepting who i am, theres more in my makeup than just looks , my nature demeaner and manerisims and attitude as a loving woman. and person.

...noeleena...

[Donnagirl]

Isha,

This post, and your last posting in the thread that spawned it have me a little confused... Now forgive me if I stray into the realms of controversy, but for the greater majority the wider public, they do not have too many options. We, as a community have an extensive lexicon of terms to define us, even though we seem so against such labels. They have two, boy or girl. Now to say that you never expect to be seen as a woman, kind of implies that you expect to be seen as a man. Why, therefore go to all the effort. I'm sure you have looking like a man 'down pat' by now.

My efforts are directed at looking as less like a man as is possible. I do not want to be perceived as male and, therefore by inference I want to look like a woman. The reason I do not go out other than once in a totally secure environment is that I currently fail miserably in that intent. I do intend to do as much as is reasonable to correct this. I see success in this on a sliding scale of increasing levels of scrutiny required to detect. I do know one CD who is very far down that scale, as I hazard a guess, are many of the gurls here.

Whereas I will always be a man in a dress, always feel like a man in a dress, the less obvious I can make this the better. I would love to be perceived as a woman and for that to be effective it would require a certain amount of public acceptance as a woman. To just assume that I will always look like a bloke in a frock I find disheartening... Where is the aspiration??? I don't want to give up now after all I have been through!!!

[Tinkerbell-GG]

I suspect my H sees something that I don't see. I once asked him why all the 'googly eyes' at the mirror when dressed and he told me the guy in him was appreciating the girl looking back. Like, wow, head spin! But otherwise, I don't think his masculinity disappears. It's more like the femininity is added and the two are both there together, if that makes sense? And I know he'd love to pass and have everyone thinks he's female, and then he'd be equally horrified that he passed and everyone thought him female. His masculinity would be wounded. But then, his dressing is mostly sexual so I think there's more confusion.

Anyway, probably irrelevant but as a GG I know I literally never think about my gender. I can wear my hair back, no make up, tape on a moustache and flatten by boobs and I'd still just be me. The same if I were dressing for prom. Nothing changes. I'm accepted as a woman because I am one. That's it.

Isha, you say you don't feel different inside whatever you're wearing and you know you have masculine arms etc (for the record, all of these are GOOD on the heterosexual female scale :) ), but despite your acceptance of this, do you think you truly see your 'en femme' self as clearly as the general public? Or might you also carry a little of this fantasy mirror around with you?

(A side note - we GG's are not entirely without fantasy on how we look...we just deal with it differently. Eating disorders, anyone?!)

[noeleena]

Hi,

Donna,

Those around me know very well what i am im an intersexed female = both male / female and so the terms of only boy or girl is not quite correct as i have made known nation wide yes in New Zealand what our differences are. another reason im accepted. many in Austraila allso know as iv told many.

Im not talking about a few 100 or 1000 people . im very involved with our groups and well known by many ,

After you'v been on T V and interviewed for papers as well you are able to bring so much more into the public thinking so how are those of us percived . all i know is i'v been very well accepted,

...noeleena...

[Michelle Deere]

Hi Isha

my answers are:

1. Whenever I dress (whether it be for a couple of hours at home or to get out of the house, last time a year ago and before that 17 years prior) I always try to create the image of a woman. Though when I look in the mirror, I still know internally I'm a male. This is what excites me, the creation of a female exterior image.

2. When out, initially I aim to blend, but try very hard and have a deep desire to be perceived and accepted as "just" another women.

I never forget that I am a man, but for whatever reason, my crossdressing objective is to "pass". When I dress it's all or nothing, no half hearted attempt. Surprisingly though, for a few hours after shedding my womanly exterior, there is always a lingering or after image of a woman when I look in the mirror.

Michelle

[AnneC]

Great question. I think that when I dress I see a woman and my challenge is to look as much like one as possible. I do feel more feminine and think that is part of the transition. I don't think that really make the grade and hence have never been out. However part of my fun is trying to keep improving so that maybe one day I can go out and at least blend. Again great question and think it goes to the essence of crossdressing.

[Sara Jessica]

1. When you go out (or stay in) and look in the mirror do you see a woman or a man? Specifically do you feel as though your masculine (if you want to put name to it) side is subsumed by your feminine side?

While I have been a female at heart for as long as I can remember, growing up with a guy mug has made it very difficult to finally cut through that and see a woman looking back at me in the mirror when presenting as a female. Even more important to me though is that with long-ish hair, I see her nearly all the time no matter how I'm presenting.

2. When you are out do you wish to be perceived as a woman? I am not talking about blending (hiding in plain site) but more so you truly want people to accept you as a woman.

I like what Donna said, that the Muggles pretty much two choices when they process what they see...boy or girl. Anything in between is viewed through whatever prism that life has dealt them to that point. That said, I want the world to see me and accept me as a woman. The latter is much easier. Show some effort and decorum and the world can be your oyster. Being seen as a woman is much more difficult because we all have at least something in our builds or features that betrays us.

I too have said a thousand times that I expect others to see me for what I am in terms of how they process things, trans-whatever. At the same time, I hope to at least pass the first glance test, that at first glance all they perceive is a female. Anything beyond that is just gravy. But for the world to see me for who I am, they have to engage me in conversation first, or vice-versa, in order to get a view of what lies beneath the (hopefully) feminine exterior.

[MsVal]

Kindly accept this comment as from one that is new to all this, having come late to the party less than a year ago. I am still learning the basic skills necessary for an independent outing.

I view myself in this regard in two states and two dimensions. The state is whether presenting as masculine (Val) or feminine (MsVal). The first dimension being whether masculine or feminine (rough collection of stereotypical female appearance, conduct, etc.), and second being intensity (how much of my conscious thought it occupies).

The first dimension is bounded by the least masculine (or feminine) person I know, and the most masculine (or feminine) person I know. Intensity is bounded by indifference on the low end and absolute attention on the high end.

As Val, about 90% masculine, 10% intensity; 10% feminine, 30% intensity. Ie: I view myself as primarily masculine and give it little thought, secondarily feminine with that portion receiving some attention. It seems to always be on my mind.

As MsVal, about 40% masculine, 30% intensity; 60% feminine, 90% intensity. Ie: I view myself primarily as feminine and devote a great deal of attention toward that self image and its development. The masculine part, while diminished in view, receives a great deal more thought while I struggle to keep it subdued.

I wish to develop MsVal by increasing the feminine proportion to ~90% and both intensities to ~10%.

Is that too complex?

Best wishes
MsVal

[Renee Elise]

Hi Isha,

Thought-provoking post as usual - great questions. Since I haven't ventured out of my home as Renee yet:

1) When I'm en femme, I like to present in as feminine a way as possible. I know under the wig and makeup I'm still a red blooded guy who loves his tools and fishing gear, and yet I like how radically different I look once the makeup and wig are on. My femme look (aside from my facial structure and eyes) is nothing like how I look as a guy. Between the clothes, shoes, bra/forms and my face and hair, it's a very distinct set of feelings that's nothing like when I'm decked out in a suit. Looking in the mirror, I'd say I'm a guy who's looking and feeling feminine for a few hours. It's like taking a little vacation - very relaxing, fun, and uniquely special.

2) Haven't quite resolved whether or when I'll go out "en femme." I like the Spanish phrase "En su tiempo" - everything in it's time. I would like to go for a nice drive en femme at some point. Given how I present, if someone were to see me at a distance there would be very little traces of masculinity in my silhouette - it would no doubt be a very feminine image. I'd be fine if someone assumed I was a woman because that would be the logical thing to conclude based on the image I'm presenting. As for blending or passing, not quite there yet but I suppose I would want to get as close to passing as possible.

Hugs,
Renee


I suspect my H sees something that I don't see. I once asked him why all the 'googly eyes' at the mirror when dressed and he told me the guy in him was appreciating the girl looking back. Like, wow, head spin! But otherwise, I don't think his masculinity disappears. It's more like the femininity is added and the two are both there together, if that makes sense?

Yes - makes perfect sense :). I feel similarly once all of my preparations are done!

[Allisa]

When looking in the mirror I see a male but as I start to smooth out the edges I begin to see a more feminine male, there's no hiding the male features(low brow bone,etc.),so when out in public I am the most feminine male I can be in dress and manerisms. It's good to blend thus eliminating any unwanted confrontations. I am a guy who feels I can relate in some ways to women on some levels but will never totally understand what it's like to be a woman so to be perceived as a woman is not a reality so in that sense I do not want to be accepted as one just (for a lack of a better word)tolerated as one if that makes any sense. I must admit that my personality does change somewhat by the way I'm dressed but I am seeking help in that category, maybe a thread for some other time. I never lose sight of being a man while dressed at home or in public just trying to be the best me I can be. Did this answer the question or just pose another?

Al(Lisa)

[Marcelle]

... Now to say that you never expect to be seen as a woman, kind of implies that you expect to be seen as a man. Why, therefore go to all the effort. I'm sure you have looking like a man 'down pat' by now . . . Whereas I will always be a man in a dress, always feel like a man in a dress, the less obvious I can make this the better. I would love to be perceived as a woman and for that to be effective it would require a certain amount of public acceptance as a woman. To just assume that I will always look like a bloke in a frock I find disheartening... Where is the aspiration??? I don't want to give up now after all I have been through!!!

Hi Donna,

For me to say I expect people to see me as a woman would not be logical . . . one look and it is obvious that I am a guy regardless of how I present :):battingeyelashes:. Unfortunately I cannot turn the compulsion to dress "en femme" off ... if I could it would be an easy day and I would just go back to guy me, regain the 15 pounds of mass I dropped and carry on. So, I prefer to make the transition to "en femme" in public as painless as possible (blending). This allows me to get comfortable in a venue before close up inspection and interaction takes place. For me acceptance of my TG side by the vanilla world has nothing to do with them seeing a woman but everything to do with accepting me as a person who although different is still a good person. :)

I would never demand or expect people to see me as a woman because I am not. If people prefer to use gender appropriate pronouns, treat me accordingly or whatnot, then I am not going to jump up and go "Hey I am dude so treat me like a dude". On the other hand if person said "Sir" vice "Ma'am (far too old for miss :)) I am fine with that so long as it is not done rudely. If I am denied the opportunity to use the ladies restroom by management or a ladies change room (both have happened), I am not going to get upset but accept the fact that there are some limitations to this thing I do and some folks are not prepared to go there . . . once again it would depend on the level of rudeness as to how I take it. :)


. . . Isha, you say you don't feel different inside whatever you're wearing and you know you have masculine arms etc (for the record, all of these are GOOD on the heterosexual female scale :) ), but despite your acceptance of this, do you think you truly see your 'en femme' self as clearly as the general public? Or might you also carry a little of this fantasy mirror around with you?

Hi Tink . . . fair question . . . processing, processing :thinking:. I would say that is a fair assumption. I try to always remember there is a guy inside and for the most part I do a good job remembering that and dealing with the WTF stares and finger pointing :). However I would be lying if a little part of me saw a girl staring back every once and awhile (fleeting moment) and think . . . hmm I wonder if people could see me as a girl. :battingeyelashes:

Hugs

Isha

[Nadine Spirit]

1. When I dress up, I see a cross dresser. Not a typical male, but not a woman by any means.

2. Do I want to be perceived as a woman? That is fine if that is how others see me, but that is not my objective. My objective is to just be me.

I think a lot of my personal perception comes from my wive's observations. On mnay occasions she has told me that she does not care how I am dressed, she just see's me. She and I are quite clear, I am a male regardless of how I present, even though the vast majority of people who see me dressed take me for a female, I never do.

[samantha rogers]

This is a great question, Isha (you always do this, you devil, you...tee hee).
It cuts right to the heart of much of what is going on with me currently. Still working on an answer.
Someone on another thread remarked about actors having identity issues...yeah, duh. LOL
Born out of survival in a tough environment when I was a kid, and honed through many years of practice and training and experience, my skills at adopting not only physical mannerisms and vocal characteristics of a variety of "identities" is pretty damned good, even if I do say so. And I have a lot of experience internalizing the process as well. And here is where it becomes difficult.
Trying to reach peace with myself, and an authentic understanding of the person behind all those masks is exactly what I am doing this year.
For sure, there are times when I am presenting male and feeling, from habit, male as well, but I question the authenticity of those feelings, since they are based on years of built up coping mechanisms.
Conversely, when dressed, and out, there is no question in my mind or heart that I not only feel female, I feel "authentically" female. And I feel a peace, and happiness quite unlike anything I have ever experienced before.

But, then, there is the "actor" thing that has me second guessing myself. I am, as I say, very good at internalizing a role. So, at this stage (no pun intended...tee hee) I still have to question everything.

Day by day.

Thankfully, I am in no rush. It is the process that I am interested in not the result. For me the the journey is far more important than the destination.

And now we are apparently leaving (see my other thread)...sigh...wish me luck...tee hee.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled drab day...lol

[Nikki A.]

Good question.
When I look in the mirror, until I put a wig on a see a male in make-up and boobs and a dress. The wig is what makes me feel feminine. But there are times even with a wig on, I still feel like a man in a dress. Depends on the mood I'm in.
However when I do go out, I do hope that I am treated like a lady and addressed as I am dressed. If I'm dressed androgynous then however I am perceived is what it is. I'm not going to get bent out of shape either way no matter how I'm dressed. I do this for myself and not for others. If I'm happy then that's all that counts. So far I've been pretty well accepted, at least to my face.

[Cheryl T]

When I look in the mirror I see a woman staring back. One that might be showing her age a bit and could use a little help looking younger, but a woman none the less.

When I go out I try to "blend", but not because I'm trying to hide. It's simply that I'm very comfortable being an "average" woman in society. At my age I'm certainly not trying out for Miss (or Mrs.) America and I am perfectly happy being me. I just want others to accept and treat me as the woman I feel I am.

[devida]

Hi Isha

Good topic. But since your questions assume binary gender identification let me put in a word for the non binary.

If I look in the mirror, naked or clothed I see neither a man nor a woman. I see only me, existing in a varying place somewhere between what I consider the extremes of male and female. I don't only see this in terms of gender but even in terms of sex. If you ask a biologist they will quickly explain that sex is very complicated and there are enough studies of transgender folk to suggest that they really are biologically a bit different. I think that the binaries of male and female, man and woman, are essentially social, economic and psychological constructs designed to control people. I m personally, emotionally, intellectually, and politically tired of it. I refuse to continue to make myself unhappy by pretending to be somebody I am not and I am old enough and independent enough to not actually give a rat's fart for what other people expect me to be. I am not a man. I am not a woman. I am something else and in between.

I don't require that people view me as non binary. They can see me as a man, not be sure of what I am, think I am gay, transgender, just old and epicene or think I am a weird looking woman. I think most people are stunningly ignorant of both science and culture. They just don't see how culture and socio-political institutions trap them in cycles of anxiety and fear. I don't want to overwhelm them any more than they are already being overwhelmed by the barrage of gender and sexual conformity messages that are inundating them 24/7. Very very few people are likely to challenge me on my gender variance even though I wear make up and mostly women's clothes when I am in public. If they did challenge me I would probably get all shouty, but it doesn't happen. I am too tall, self confident, and frankly dangerous for this to happen much. The people who love me accept me as just who I am. I don't need any more.

[typhoidmary]

all I see when I look at myself is one confused mothereffer. I want to look as feminine as possible but being that I'm single, I don't know if I want people to actually perceive me as a woman, especially on nights out. It's just flattering when people do.

[carhill2mn]

I continue to be amazed by how much time and effort you put into thinking about your crossdressing life. My answers to your questions are:

1) I see a woman when I look in a mirror.
2) When I am out in public I do my best to be perceived as a woman. Based upon my experiences and comments from others, I seem to be succeeding which makes me feel good and further increases my confidence and comfort level.

[AllieSF]

1. When you go out (or stay in) and look in the mirror do you see a woman or a man? Specifically do you feel as though your masculine (if you want to put name to it) side is subsumed by your feminine side?

I am out all the time. When I look in the mirror before leaving the house I see myself a man in feminine disguise. I don't think about masculine nor feminine, but more along the lines of, "Wow! I like what I see one more time. Now let's get out of here to have some fun."

2. When you are out do you wish to be perceived as a woman? I am not talking about blending (hiding in plain site) but more so you truly want people to accept you as a woman.

Yes, for me it would be nice to be perceived as a woman, as in, "I have arrived!" but, that is not really possible so I accept that sometimes and at some moments I make a decent semblance of a woman. Fortunately and maybe a little luckily I am always treated well wherever I go. Treated well as me. The "me" is more complicated than just me as a man. I am generally a very nice and fun person to be with, like to laugh with others and at myself, and truly enjoy getting into the details of life and people. That interest seems to resonate very well with who ever I may meet, because it seems that they never really hold back on the details of themselves. That really makes my life so worth while to me.

[Diane Lynn]

I have always considered myself a woman, bit not a female. When i first went out, i had no wig, and my hair was very short. I combed it best i could, and used hair spray to hold it. I was not veru good at makeup, or nail polish. I did the best i could at the time. Yes, i got looks, stares, but i was happy. Now when i go into a store, i get greeted as soon as i walk in, and i feel welcome.

I do what i want/need to do, amd i am totally happy. Is a long road, bit i am on the road.

Diane

[Ava Tryptyk]

1) When I look in the mirror (or if I catch a glimpse of myself in the reflection of a store or car window), my perception of myself fluctuates depending on what I am wearing and how well I pass. If I am fully dressed (meaning having my wig and makeup on), I generally see a pretty girl. The exception to this is if I catch myself at an unflattering angle, like one that draws more attention than usual to my masculine-looking upper arms (especially if I am wearing a sleeveless top). In those cases I do see myself as a guy wearing women's clothing. Most of the time, though, I am satisfied with what I see.

2) I don't really care too much to be honest. I have been called "ma'am", and when having dinner at a restaurant with a GG, we were asked, "What would you ladies like to drink tonight?". I don't get offended when people refer to me as sir, though (I was addressed that way after showing a waitress my ID (male) to buy a beer). I understand that since I haven't worked on my voice, I will still sound like a man, and because of that, my main goal when going out is to be the best person I can be, to help give crossdressing exposure in this world in a positive light. Isha, I don't want to speak for you, but I think that we have similar goals in wanting to be "ambassadors" of the crossdressing world. By socializing with people I can increase the amount of people in this world who have had positive experiences taking to crossdressers, and I am hopeful that these people may defend crossdressers if they fall into a conversation where they are spoken poorly of (they could interject, "Actually, the other day, I spoke to a crossdresser in the grocery store, she was very pleasant to talk to.")

[Katey888]

Isha -In some ways I could wish you didn't ask these questions as they seem to throw up so many more than they answer! Not to mention turning an afternoon lapsing into the fantasy of a CD-controlled, alien-backed world government into something more mundane and, well, hard to think about... but anyway... for you... :D

I, like Donna, was also a bit confused by the apparent contradiction in your OP... surely you would still 'hope' that folk would see you as a woman, even if you felt the probability was low (which I couldn't comment on, as no direct experience) because if in that fleeting glance - whether received when shopping, in a dimly-lit restaurant or sunlit Starbucks terrace.. - you 'pass' (as in: no immediate alarm bells ring and you have effectively blended in just passing hurdle #1 - the 100msec fleeting glance at 20m), you have achieved what you set out to do? That being, the ability to go about your normal business, as normal. Because, as normal, no one would engage me in conversation about my hair, makeup or gender orientation... (not saying that you actively seek 'stranger engagement', but you seem much more willing than I probably would be.. :)) - no more than they would a GG doing their thing... So I do believe the OP and your response to Donna needs a bit more - analysis? (Dare I say it...?)

But back to your OP questions - as they are brain-achey ones... :facepalm:

Who do I see in the mirror...? Man or woman....? <aaaargh!!!!> I have to say: I think I see a woman... :eek:
That clearly needs expansion... I don't kid myself that I am a woman... what I think I properly see, in my mind's eye, is the woman version of me... same personality, likes, dislikes, sense of humour, weaknesses, etc, etc. But how I would want to look, if K**** was Katey... And presenting as woman allows me to relax my posture, relax my 'guy doing stuff', thing... to express more femininely, and that makes me beyond happy... because it embraces a large element of escapism in the transformation process... and that's just with me as an audience... :thinking:

Would that change if I were out in public? I dunno... I know that if I were I would want to pass hurdle #1, if for no other reason than it avoided any further scrutiny. Beyond that, I think I'd agree with your premise that under more specific observation, few of us would pass hurdle #2 (I'm going to define that as specific evaluation <5 sec at <10m :)) - but again as you've said, if you're a good person (which I read as polite and respectful to others) and you are dressed appropriately, most people will accept that... perhaps will think it quirky or weird, but not reaching for their pitchforks yet... ;) I'm sure I wouldn't want muggles to really believe I was a woman, however flattering that might seem...

So... is that just another reset for everyone to reinforce the 'who do we think we're kidding' perspective...? If so, I think you're probably right, because for fleeting moments that image in the mirror can be decidedly girly... but then there are others when I still just see me, and that's often a bit eeeewww... :)

Hope that helps towards the doctorate... ;)

Katey x

[Farrah]

Great question(s). I think when I look at myself in the mirror, I see a prettier version of me. I try to see how much I can look like a woman. All the while, I know its me. However, the image is something that really excites me. The answer to your second question: I've only gone out once. I was so nervous, I don't know what I wanted. However, looking back on it, I think I just wanted to blend. I just wanted to be out dressed, because I had sashayed around my four wall far too long. I think I blended. No one laughed or pointed, at least not to my face. Now that I'm preparing to try again, I think I'm trying to, once again, blend. If I'm accepted, that'd be nice, but not necessary.

[Confucius]

In minute 19:00 of this Grayson Perry interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G-2rgFLYzo

Grayson takes issue with female alter-egos, regrets he used to use a Claire alter-ego, and just considers himself "a man in a dress". I find myself much like Grayson. When I cross-dress I don't change my personality, I don't change my voice, I don't assume a female name, I just see myself as a man in a dress. When I cross-dress I get all the good sensations. My brain seems to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female, but this contact is not internalized. I do not feel as if there is a female person inside of me. I am just the same person I always am. I am happy to be a man and I think there is so much good about being a man. My cross-dressing is just the way my brain is hard-wired.

I do not cross-dress in public, but if I did, I suppose I wouldn't try to fool anyone into thinking I was a real female. I would just be a man in a dress.

[Roxie]

Had to sit and think about this for awhile, I consider myself a little of both male and female. In my job and running a bisness it's all male has to be that way and that fine . However deep down I have a lot of female desires , always wanted breast, shave my legs etc. Roxie is a new chick at this but I have come to accept the female side and it brings me great peace. As I have never stepped outside I really don't what to expect.however Roxie will be out and about at some point and I want to be seen as a female.As I look in the mirror at Roxie I look at who I am and like what I see
Thanks alot for the great thread Isha as I have not been a member for long,but have learned so much about myself that I feel blessed.

ROCK ON! Roxie

[Marcelle]

. . . I, like Donna, was also a bit confused by the apparent contradiction in your OP... surely you would still 'hope' that folk would see you as a woman, even if you felt the probability was low (which I couldn't comment on, as no direct experience) because if in that fleeting glance - whether received when shopping, in a dimly-lit restaurant or sunlit Starbucks terrace.. - you 'pass' (as in: no immediate alarm bells ring and you have effectively blended in just passing hurdle #1 . . . Beyond that, I think I'd agree with your premise that under more specific observation, few of us would pass hurdle #2 . . .

Hey Katey V Kensington III (you know you are never going to lose that moniker now :devil:). Not really a contradiction so much as healthy dose of reality for me. I don't expect to pass on close examination at all. In a way blending is what you are describing and perhaps I could have been a bit more precise. When I enter a venue "en femme" I naturally assume I will not pass "first muster" and will be read (way too many tells not to be read). However, I hope that if my presentation is good, my mannerisms, walk and clothing are all adequate, people will continue with their busy lives and pay little attention to kind of mannish girl who entered the fray. :):battingeyelashes:. This allows me a place of calm to continue from . . . I made in unscathed so now I can deal with the looks, stares, finger pointing, nudging, winking, guffaws and whatever else. So yes, in a way I hope they will see me as a girl (hurdle 1) but I am also a realist in that it will be fleeting but once I am in . . . too late they are stuck with Isha. :battingeyelashes:

When I talk about not caring if people perceive me as a woman . . . I truly mean that. It is not going to happen in my case. For example, I take public transit "en femme". When I first enter the bus and people are busy with their conversations, smart phones, I-pads, papers or just lost in thought, I assume out of the corner of their eye they see a girl (long hair, girl clothes, painted nails). That is all I can hope for as it allows me to meld into the group. However, the minute someone looks up from their I-pad, smartphone are returns from deep thought . . . they will see a guy in girl's clothing . . . there is no going back at that point. So I cannot force people to see me as a woman from that point forward or hope they will. I can however expect them to be polite and if they want to "sir" me politely that is fine. If they want to call me ma'am/miss/her/lady that is fine to. I really just want the latitude to go about my business in the same manner I can when I am "en boy". :)

Now I really have to get back to plotting the overthrow of an alien backed shadow government :heehee:

Hugs

Isha

[Beverley Sims]

When I was younger the man was not there, as I age I go steadily down hill, thicken out and lose that tight skin.

I see more of a guy poking out and I do not lose any sense of reality about the situation.
I have learned to live with it.
I still try hard to present myself in a decent manner.

I have not lost the desire to practice the art of looking like a woman.

[heatherdress]

1. When I look in a mirror, I see - me. If dressed as a woman, I see a sexy, beautiful version of - me. If I do not have eyeliner and lipstick and heels, I see - me. Plain, maybe handsome, but - me. I cannot think of myself as being a male before I shave and a female after I shave and put on my makeup. I am always - me. I also like - me. I am happy as - me. Maybe happier when I am dressed as a female, but I am still - me.

And I know I am a man.

2. When I am out, I really do not care the least bit that anyone else thinks that I am a woman or accepts me as a female. I want to be accepted and treated with dignity as a person, no matter how I am dressed.

[flatlander_48]

Right now, I am dressed completely en femme from the neck down. From the neck up, I am as I would normally be as a guy. As I was getting dressed, looking in the mirror I'm primarily looking at the clothes. There is nothing different about how I would look in the face otherwise so it doesn't command a lot of attention. I'm not a large person, so I don't have an overwhelmingly masculine presence. It's masculine, but not in the Hulk Hogan/Duane "The Rock" Johnson sort of way.

Going out dressed, I would prefer to be perceived consistent with how I present. That would mean being seen as a woman. It would seem odd otherwise.

[PaulaQ]

1. When you go out (or stay in) and look in the mirror do you see a woman or a man? Specifically do you feel as though your masculine (if you want to put name to it) side is subsumed by your feminine side?

2. When you are out do you wish to be perceived as a woman? I am not talking about blending (hiding in plain site) but more so you truly want people to accept you as a woman.


1. When I look in the mirror now, I see a woman. Before I began transition, I always saw a man unless I was fully dressed and made up. I hated the guy that looked back at me in the mirror. I loved seeing a woman look back at me - it was the reflection of what I'm supposed to be. I'm a lot happier now that I like who looks back at me in the mirror.

2. Yes, I want people to accept me as a woman - since I know to my core that I am one. After last week though, I'd settle to just be generally viewed as a human being by society at large. :(

[Sophie Yang]

1. Most of the time when looking at Sophie in the mirror, I see a blendable/passable women staring back. But on occasion, something just doesn't look or maybe feel right. Maybe most of the time it is just self deception. The glass is 95% full? For others, they may be their own harshest critic and their glass in 95% full the other way. Without looking in the mirror, for me, the male and female, the yin and yang coexist peacefully together.

2. I want people to accept me as me. When Sophie is out and about, she is usually alone, happy, and content. She also loves engaging people in chit chat, some idle, some more substantial. Being perceived, accepted, and treated as a women is a great feeling. It really substantiates that my presentation is working. I have never been part of the thespian scene, but I expect my feelings when perceived, accepted, and treated as a women are similar to what an actress feels when she has nailed the role before a live audience.

For the last seven years I have been on the road working. As of May, I started working from home and will be for the next two years. About four years ago Sophie was born after a very long incubation period, 52 years. Another gal with her own blog site coined the term for her activities as crossacting instead of crossdressing.

This last year I was in Minnesota, in a small conservative town, and spent many evenings and weekends crossacting. Was read at least once that I know of, obviously could have been read and not known about it. Was asked twice from two different guys who were hitting on me for hours two different times. Never gave the first guy a straight answer, had a ball doing the verbal sparring. Eventually told the second. Now I did find this exhilarating and fun, but not dangerous.

However, I find the everyday ordinary mundane chore interactions, grocery shopping, comedy club, flying, just as memorable if not more so. These were always on a first name basis. These were all pleasant human connections. Sophie just happened to be acting the part at the time.

[Princess Chantal]

Heatherdress reply for the first question suits me extremely well.
As for the second question, I would love to be perceived as male who is enjoying his crossdressing to the fullest. I welcome people observing me, perhaps my appearance and actions would affect the general stereotypes.

[Christen]

Hiya Isha,

42 years ago I went out dressed and know I was 'seen' as a girl, haven't been out since, so I reply from Camp Closette.

1. When you go out (or stay in) and look in the mirror do you see a woman or a man? Specifically do you feel as though your masculine (if you want to put name to it) side is subsumed by your feminine side?

When I'm dressed fully, makeup, hair, etc. I see the female me. She's not a different person just the female version of myself. So I guess, yes, my masculine side is definitely subsumed by my feminine. I don't believe for one second that anyone else looking in to the same mirror would see anything other than a guy dressed up.

2. When you are out do you wish to be perceived as a woman? I am not talking about blending (hiding in plain site) but more so you truly want people to accept you as a woman.

Hmm, I guess that would be my dream. Yes, I'd want to be seen as, accepted as a woman, I mean after all that darn effort! Seriously though, I'm pretty sure that's the thing that keeps Christen at home, I can't see myself being able to project a totally convincing woman.

Christen x

[sometimes_miss]

Well if you perceive yourself as a guy, why go through all the time and effort of presenting female?
It supplies the required tactile and visual feedback to me that I'm the girl I'm supposed to be. It's not to convince other people.

I'm curious; exactly how are you 'blending' if you're not passing? There was a thread a while back about how the public REALLY feels about us without actually saying anything to us about it. While you may perceive that 'you're a good person' do you really believe that everyone that sees you believes the same? Or that they all believe that you have the right to try to present yourself as a female? I'm not saying that you don't; but there are a lot of people out there that feel we're an abomination and an afront to their religious beliefs, and they'd just as soon see us dead, because they really believe that we present a dangerous role model for their children. Even worse, there's a significant number of the population that really believes that our behavior invites the wrath of god to smite us; remember the religious right's suggestion that 9/11 was god's response to the homosexuals here? THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO REALLY, REALLY DON'T LIKE US.


1. When you go out (or stay in) and look in the mirror do you see a woman or a man? Specifically do you feel as though your masculine (if you want to put name to it) side is subsumed by your feminine side?
I don't look in mirrors. It confuses the mind. And I don't believe in 'sides' to personalities, true multiple personality disorder is a very, very rare thing. I maintain that everyone who believes that they are maintaining a separate 'female side' of themselves is doing so due to either conscious or subconscious guilt/shame about embracing female feelings and behaviors; you see it over and over when people here refer to their female self in the third person, desperately trying to distance their real selves from all the female things that they really want. I hate to burst your bubble, but it's all you; the masculine, the feminine, all of it. Don't think so? That's not how the rest of the world sees you; dress as a girl, act like a girl, and they see a guy who really wants to be a girl. They don't think it's 'just another side of you' that's NOT REALLY YOU any more than they'd believe a seriel killer who tells them that the murderer isn't really who he 'really is'.


2. When you are out do you wish to be perceived as a woman?
If given a choice, I would have taken either 1. being a normal guy, not a crossdresser, or 2. being a normal girl, even if that meant being a gay one. Getting mixed up in the middle is a real problem, because the vast majority of the world is geared to be attracted to either masculine males, or feminine females. All I really want is to feel my own self image to be congruent with what would allow me to lead a normal life, with normal expectations of finding a mate. The closest consolation I've ever had, was when a gay girl told me that at least I had potential access to all the beautiful straight girls out there, that she did not.

[ReineD]

(A side note - we GG's are not entirely without fantasy on how we look...we just deal with it differently.

Right. I find I look better with each year that passes! My vision has gotten weaker as I got older, and if I don't wear my reading glasses when I look at myself in the mirror, I think I look gorgeous! No wrinkles or anything! lol

But getting back to Isha's question ... I have no clue how my SO sees him(her)self. In the very beginning he told me that his goal was to pass (this was years back when he was just beginning to go out in public), and this meant looking as much like a woman as possible. I remember quite a few times, my SO asking me if I thought that the SA/waitress/etc had any idea that she wasn't a female. But then quite a few other times, he'd tell me that he knew people knew he was a male when they interacted with her. So I think that my SO's feelings fluctuate. If she doesn't perceive any raised eyebrows, she is hopeful that people do take it he is a woman. But when she feels that she is read, it doesn't upset her all that much. Not any more, not unless someone is rude about it.

So to recap, I think that hope and a sense of reality are close companions and it is easy for many CDers to constantly fluctuate between the two, and to believe one more than the other depending on the prevailing mood. I say this, because I know how it feels on a personal level to want to believe something so much that I convince myself that it is true, even though I have an inkling that it isn't. So my mind cycles through contradictory thoughts in quick succession, like: "Yes, this is so. But maybe it isn't. But surely it is, I can feel it. Well, maybe not. But it feels as if it is, so I'll just stay here for awhile." and so on and so forth. I went through this while I was fighting for custody of my youngest child, believing that I would win even though everything was pointing to the opposite. But I digress.

If I should ask my SO how she sees herself when she is dressed, I don't think that he'd be able to tell me.

I also think that my SO has come full circle with his/her gender identity. But, this doesn't mean that we won't go through another round. :)

[Donnagirl]

Isha,

As, her ladyship intimated, I'm still confused... Can I please postulate a hypothetical??? Please answer only if you wish...

"If you engage in one of your forays into town and no one 'clocks' you, no one comments, no one sniggers or points, do you consider that trip a failure?"

It just seem 'arse about' to use the Aussie vernacular...

Hugs as always,

Donna

[Teresa]

Hi Isha your experiment with bare arms has raised some questions I might post on in the future.

As far as question 1 is concerned the last time I went for a drive I saw the woman, the male side had definitely been subsumed from head to toe!

Maybe you can put me right on Q2, not being out as you have, I would be happy to look more or less like my avatar ( possibly less full wig )so I would like to be passable. After that I don't know how seriously I would take it, I think I would pay little attention to my voice or walk and just want to be me, talking to people, cracking a joke and having a laugh ! So my question is why do I need to dress just to become me ? I can only answer it by saying I'm showing the whole of me I like and what I'm comfortable with.

[Marcelle]

Hi Donna . . . "arse about" :):confused: . . . okay you are going to have to send me a PM and define that term. I heard it once when operating with one of your military teams and forgot to ask.

Do I consider it a failure . . . heavens no. But then again I don't consider a trip out where I am read a failure so long as the interaction is polite and non-eventful. I guess the confusion (going to assume here) lies in how I worded my description of how I feel when out and about. So I'll have another go:

While I try my best to appear as a woman when dressed "en femme" it is so I can blend not pass (it is not going to happen in a million years or for a million dollars :)). I am not going to jump up and down and say "Hey everyone I am a guy". I will let others draw their own conclusion. If some people think "that's a girl" (most likely legally blind) :) that is fine by me. If others think "that's a boy" so long as it is not accompanied by rude comments or violence then I am fine. For me it is not about being a woman, being perceived as a woman but doing what feels right and dressing "en femme" feels right to me but I don't expect the world to see or take me for a woman as I am not. I am just me dressed in whatever gender I wish to present that day.

So to give it an analogy. I love playing soccer (football), love the speed, love the camaraderie of the team so some time back I joined a Regimental Team. Problem is, I had no skill whatsoever (never played in my life) but thought it would be fun to try. So standing on the sidelines with my soccer uniform on, kicking a ball back and forth to other teammates to warm up, people in the stands probably looked down and said "There is a soccer player". Now I knew I eventually had to go out on the field and perform and while I looked the part (athletic, great uniform) I knew I was not a soccer player. So I run out on the field and take my position (now blending) and all see a soccer player, however the minute I have to perform any coordinated hands and feet moves people automatically know . . . not a soccer player :sad:. At that juncture I did not think or wish others would ever see me as a great soccer player even though I might look the part. Does that mean I stopped going out on the field? Nope, because I was what I was a guy who likes soccer but doesn't play it all that well . . . I had good days and bad days but I still thoroughly enjoyed myself even when some fans got a bit rude. :)

Hope this helps clarify things.



. . . So my question is why do I need to dress just to become me ? I can only answer it by saying I'm showing the whole of me I like and what I'm comfortable with.

Hi Teresa and that is the catch 22 of what we do. While I can state I just prefer to be "me" out and about it is logical to assume . . . Why not just be you in guy mode? If I could answer why I am compelled to dress like a girl from time to time and why it feels good . . . well let's just say I would get out the military and write a book :)

In my circumstance, I cannot control the compulsion to dress "en femme" anymore than I can control the requirement of my body to breath oxygen. If I tried to quell the desire (stop) I would become miserable and end a very dark place where I was a year ago ... not going there ever again. However what I can do is accept it, integrate it into my life and when out dressed "en femme" continue to be just me . . . only dressed prettier. :battingeyelashes: However, I don't believe people will ever see me as anything but a cross dresser so it is easier to accept that truth than ignore it. It is kind of like going into combat . . . I get nervous and then accept the fact that bad things happen in a firefight and once I accept things could go bad I make peace with that and the nervousness subsides.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

When I look in the mirror I see a woman and when I go out, despite all the evidence to the contrary I wish to be treated and perceived as a woman.

[Butterfly Bill]

To answer the question that started this dress simply, I see what everyone else sees: a male wearing a dress. But to answer it in more depth, here is something I posted to Facebook a while back:
_____
Facebook is now letting you choose a "custom" option for your gender in your profile, as well as male and female.


A Slate page lists all of the choices you can make by selecting form a drop down menu.


http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_tense/2014/02/13/facebook_custom_gender_options_here_are_all_56_cus tom_options.html


Now where do I fit in this list?


I am not cis or cisgender anything. (This is language used on LGBT and crossdressing forums. It's the opposite of transgender, identifying and presenting to society as the sex you were born with.)


I am not transsexual, because I have not had the operation, nor do I want to. (I like being able to pee standing up.)


I am not really transgendered either, because I don't try to do what they call "passing", which is shaving, putting on makeup and a wig, wearing breast forms, and trying to make people I encounter in public think that I really am a GG (genetic girl), a real woman, and react to me as such -- calling me "ma'am" and all the rest. Likewise I am not MTF (male to female) either.


Nor am I intersexed (what they used to call a hermaphrodite, a person whose body has both male and female organs) nor "bigender", which looks like it also means the same thing.


Nor would I call myself "agender" (this is the first place I've seen this word, but the Greek prefix "a-" means "without"), nor "non-binary". And what "neutrois" is I don't really know.


Several of the terms that remain might apply to me. "Two spirit" I perhaps am, but that implies that I am Native American. "Pangender " might do also, but I think with me it is more of a case of switching back and forth from one to the other, rather than being all at the same time. Out of all the terms that start with "gender" -- I could accurately be called "gender nonconforming", "gender variant", or "genderqueer". (Not "gender questioning", I answered most all of the questions I had when I came out back in the 90s.) Out of all of them, I think I like "gender fluid" the best. That’s what I want to do; flow from one side to the other and back and then over again, depending on how I feel at the moment.

[Ressie]

Arms, hands, adam's apples and other male giveaways must be hidden to pull off passing. I can see myself in the mirror as a woman for a few seconds, but as soon as the hands come into view that goes away. Legs are also too muscular in myself and most every CD.

The human brain/eye connection fills in blanks at a first glance and sees what it wants to see. Looking closer a second time reveals those masculine attributes that haven't been hidden or disguised. And there are so many physical differences between men and women when you think about it.

So it seems that the question could be interpreted as: When you see yourself are you being real about your appearance or do you see the fantasy? For me, it's both. I prefer to see an attractive woman, but LOL.

[Teresa]

Isha we use the term in the Uk maybe we got it from the Aussies during the war, Donna may put you right. It just means to fool around to us, to be a complete "arse" just means to be a complete idiot, something I do quite regular like being outed to a horse rider or a commuter train !!

[EllenJo]

I see a feminine version of me. Not a true female but not a true male either. I see me and I feel pretty!
Ellen Jo

[Raychel]

When I dress up and look in the mirror,
the person I see looking back is true to ones self, comfortable and happy.
Just happens to be a guy, in a dress, pretty nice boobs, and some killer legs. :heehee:

[NicoleScott]

My CDing is and has always been about creating the kind of feminine (as my brain defines it) look that I like to see. I like glamour taken to a high level and then over-the-top. I like that look in GG's and CDers. No feminine identities or wannabees here. I'm a guy doing the looking, even when looking at myself in the mirror at the most glamorous OTT image I can create.
So, answer to #1: I see a woman, even knowing I'm not. #2: I have been out and have been seen as a woman by some and by a CDer by others. It's OK to be perceived as a CDer.
If there's a contradiction there, understand that there's some mind-bending going on in my transforming. I focus on what I want to see and I accentuate and exaggerate the things that I perceive as feminine. I'm sure the public sees me differently than I do.

[Donnagirl]

Isha we use the term in the Uk maybe we got it from the Aussies during the war, Donna may put you right. It just means to fool around to us, to be a complete "arse" just means to be a complete idiot, something I do quite regular like being outed to a horse rider or a commuter train !!

Teresa,

You are right, as a verb it does mean to act the clown, to engage in practical joking.. However, as for so many Aussie slang terms is has multiple uses and in my post is was used as an adjective, describing a reversal of the expected norm, doing things backwards or out of logical order... It can also be used as an adverb to mean an about turn, or sudden abrupt change in thought, direction or motion. I'm sure there are more... We are lucky 'down under' in that if a phrase seems to fit, it will!!! And I'm not arsing about!!!

Hugs,

Donna

[Richelle]

Isha,

Like many have already said, when I am out I want to be perceived as me. If they see a man dressed as a woman that is just as OK as being seeing as a woman.

I must not have the same strong male traits you have. Even when not out fully enfem, I am still sometimes precieved as a women. Of course it helps that I have longer hair cut in feminian style and wear long earrings.

When I fully dress as Richelle and look at mirror I see middle aged woman.

Richelle

[Stephanie47]

I'm an in home cross dresser. When looking in a mirror from afar I see a woman. The mirror does not reveal my six foot/190 pound frame. I wear stylish dresses and heels all the time while en femme. Up close to the mirror? I see an aging human being. I haven't decided if that an aging looking male or a aging looking female. Since I know I am a male, I'm my worst critic. I will never pass as a woman. I have gone out en femme on Halloween. That was when I was in my 30's. I got some nice compliments. I have not desire to go out en femme among the masses. I dress for peace and serenity. That would be compromised going out en femme and enduring the possibilities of stares and comments. When I am en femme at home or in my back yard, I really do not think anymore that I am dressed as a woman. There is nothing sexual or sexually gratifying about being en femme.

[grace7777]

When I am dressed and look in the mirror I see a woman.

When I go out en femme I want to be perceived as a woman. Also when out dressed
I feel like a woman. Before going out I put effort in to making myself look as good as I can.
In public though I am not always perceived the way I wish to be.

Now my goal is to be dressed en femme as much as possible. It Would be nice to live full time as a woman, but the reality of my life done not allow that. I am also now trying to learn female mannerisms and to act like a woman in ways other than just dressing. I am now starting to feel more natural when en femme than in drab.

When I first started CDing, my goal was just to dress en femme at home, but the more and more I discover my female side, the more I want to present as a woman. In the last year this desire has really grown stronger. I am now doing things I never thought possible a few years ago. As to the future I will have to wait and see what it holds, and I have never been good in predicting my own life. 10 years ago I could have never predicted my life being where it is now.

[Veronica Lacey]

Hi Isha...

While my wife is aware and reasonably supportive I do not go public dressed and do not plan to. I have some private time at home that affords me time to dress and relax en femme; I wear forms but no make up and no wig. I take no action to act female nor reflect female mannerisms although I suspect some of my regular mannerisms lean a little into the female spectrum.

When I look in the mirror I see a man in women's attire and that is it. I feel that the mirror accurately reflects who I am which is a guy who has found solace and joy in cross dressing. I have neither vision nor hope of being seen as a woman and that is just fine. If the day did ever come that I did go public I would hope that people just treat me as a person.

Enjoy!

[Rhonda Jean]

I've changed as I've gotten older. When I first started going out (late teens and early 20's) I saw myself as a woman and expected that everyone saw what I saw. Now I'm comfortable being seen as a crossdresser, but hopefully at least non-offensive or even attractive in a feminine way.

What I've never gotten over in 40 years of going out in public is the preoccupation with what others see me as. Every time I see someone looking at me, I wonder what they see. I absolutely doesn't bother me, whatever they see (unless it makes them want to beat me up or something), I just always wonder. I think that's why we like to get "ma'amed". Otherwise we would have no idea.

At this point in my life my preference is to be seen as a woman. To blend. My second choice is to be seen as somewhere in between, but worthy of being referred to as she or her. I love for that to happen when I'm not even trying to pass. I guess the general public is becoming more educated about such things because I have that happen more and more.

I did my own Isha type experiment years ago. I knew that people were reading me, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out how. So I started asking. For instance, I'd buy donuts one morning dressed to pass, then come back to the same place a day or two later and say something like, "I bet I was the only guy dressed as a woman you had in your shop all day on Monday." Or I'd figure out some other scenario to see if I passed. If I didn't, I'd ask them what gave me away. The most common answer was, "I don't know. There was just something." I heard that it was my hands, which I don't see how that's possible. I have small hands. Once I heard that it was because I was wearing a leopard print bra that was visible through my top. I can't see that as something that screamed "crossdresser" either. Once I heard that it was my wig. I wasn't wearing a wig. What I decided was that sometimes it really was "just something". Probably a whole bunch of tiny clues that any of them alone wouldn't have indicated anything. I've been called sir when I thought that nobody could possibly tell I wasn't a woman, and I've been ma'amed when I wasn't trying. Sometimes I think I get treated better because they know.

[alexakennard]

I think everything about being en femme to me is sexual. I feel sexier and more confident as a woman. I plan on wearing a female mask instead of make up as I don't want to change my facial appearance. I don't have a desire to be woman as I am still attracted to women. I just feel a sexual energy I don't feel as a man when I'm dressed in women's clothes. I don't plan on publicly going out, rather just dressing up at home. I see myself as a woman in the mirror when I'm dressed up, but as a normal guy when I'm not.

[Jaymees22]

1) When I look in the mirror I see myself as a woman. Sometimes I look better than other times, I guess we all have good days and bad days.

2) I don't go out too often but when I do I would like to be perceived as a women. I'm probably okay from a slight distance but close up not so good.

[Sc0rp10N]

Its all about the fantasy for me, so I pretend I can see myself as a woman, but I don't go so far as to convince myself. I know better. But its fun to pretend. And I don't go out. Someday, I think it would be fun to push the envelope, but it probably won't be any time soon.

[alexakennard]

That's exactly how I am. I see it as sexy and fun to pretend, but I also enjoy my life as a male. Since I wear a female mask, I think going out in public is a no go ever hahah.

[MssHyde]

I'd say I see a woman but I have to be very selective on every thing to make that happen. sleeveless I'd look like the hulk, in drag, me even adding sun glasses makes my jaw etc. look male...

if the moon is full the star are aligned and lights are dim I'm a gg..( well maybe not)

[alexakennard]

I definitely don't do sleeveless. My arms are not built like a lady. However, I do make an exception for lingerie (who doesn't). :)

[Teresa]

Donna thanks for the run down, I thought the full phrase to do things back to front was " arse about face ".
It's got me wondering where it came from, I think P.G. Wodehouse use to have Bertie Wooster saying " silly arse or was it "ass" as in stupid donkey. I still think it might have originated as military slang from WWI or WW2.

Maybe we should have PMd this as it has nothing to do with Isha's thread !

[KaylaRoxx]

It;s strange for me, and it's something im still largely trying to figure out for myself... when i'm dressed up i want to see myself as a girl so bad... but i don't. because i don't pass as a girl. i may just be too hard on myself, but for me when i look in the mirror i know that i will just never be able to look "good enough" to be up to my own standards for how i should be able to look. it gets pretty discouraging knowing that i probably won't be able to without at least some kind of surgery, which is something i really don't want to deal with. If i could manage to make myself passable then yes, i would see myself as a girl, but since im not quite that good yet i still don't completely see myself as a girl when i'm dressed up either. Having never actually gone out while dressed up, i can't really say anything on the second question.

[Emogene]

I am who I am and cycle seemingly randomly from my male self (the dominant birth, heterosexual male side) to Emo and back again all within the privacy of my head. This at times happens quite rapidly. I am usually aware of who is presenting based on my what is going on in my head rather than because of what I am wearing. My SO has stated that she can tell when Emo and I trade out based on body language, how and what is said and how my face appears. Interestingly, my diastolic pressure drops about ten points when Emo is the lead. As to the specific question, sorry, the mirror unfortunately lies and sometimes shows an old man rather than the old woman who is in fact present.

That said, clothing does not make the man/woman; I am who I am at any given time and all of the male/female accoutrements that I may be wearing don't change that one bit.

Emo is a classy older woman who does so like her things! :)

[natalie edwards]

When i look in the mirror i only see a girl. I look nothing at all like boy me.
On the inside i feel mostly the same but more at ease and relaxed. Love how i look so much better though.