JenniferZ2009
06-16-2014, 02:08 AM
So I have been transitioning for about 4-5 years now and have been on estrogen for 4 and had an orchi over 2 years ago. When I started out transitioning I was 200 pounds at 5' 11". I had a large beard but I had that lasered off with around 9 sessions total covering my full face. I had laser on my legs, chest everywhere. My occupation in the tech industry allowed me some advantages. I studied the skin care and makeup books. I new the whole routine that the system says one must follow to look beautiful. I ended up passing very very well. I think the extra fat helped out too. I got 2 new jobs since transitioning (i'm a contractor now) and no one had ever mis-gendered me.
I got real sick and had a stomach tear that tore through an artery. I almost died that night. I developed really bad IBS that night and my stomahc rebooted and every food i at afected my stomach different that it had before that night. Everything I ate made me sick so I ate nothing I have been loosing weight ever since in a significant steady manor over the last 2 years. I am now down to about 159 after a really bad month and a half long bad bad cold I got from a friend who had come back from India. It is also just at this point two years later that I am able to eat again and I am so skinny I feel emaciated. I get mis-gendered on a regular basis now. For a long time I did not have access to stores to get new cloths and the slow weight lose and baggy cloths and lack of a large mirror hide the lose from myself. I just went cloth shopping and am a size 5/6 pants and a size small top. I also was/have been going to some gender questioning and almost detransitioned (may still). Maybe that was causing the mis-gendering, I was very angry about being trans.
I pass so well but I have to wear fake hair. I have a $15000 hairpiece that is real human hair adn it is getting old and I have to have haircuts constantly to keep it it same length. I have male pattern baldnes and thinning hair. It is not too bad and could surive without a hairpiece but it is not very flattering. I am mor angy about that than anything. I so so so want to look like a cisgendered female... more so I want to be a female. I know that I am one if I feel like one and am finally letting myself feel like one (mental issues from childhood was messing things up in my head) but I want to have been born with a female body. That hurts me so much.
I practically have a females body but my hair is totally jacked up and it is classic my life. I succeed at anything I try but I can never fully succeed because something always happens either by my stupidity or Murphys law proves itself yet again. That is really the only reason I want to de-transition when I actually think about it. So now I want to continue with transition and have it be the best transition for me to make be happy and I run into something. I have so little fat on my body that my face now shows off my male features more and face seams hollow to me. If I don't wear makeup I get misgendered real bad (and sometimes if I do wear makeup). I also want to go back up to the higher dose of estrogen my doctor had me on that was working quite well before I got scared and drop my dosage down. But I might be broke for the next month and have to wait to go back on the higher dose. I so don't want to wait, I want to do this now!
That is were I am right now in my transition. Not sure what I aim to get from this post and sorry for the long rant but I needed to talk to someone like me. All my friends who are trans live so far away and I don't have a car anymore. I could probably start messaging them or something. I have a girlfriend who is trans and my boyfriend is cool with me being trans (we are in a poly relationship) but they are not the same. I cant go to my old support group due to it being so far away so I am trying to get back on here again now that I kinda know what I am doing my life again. Therapy has been a real good thing for me. It is midnight here and I am so tired. If you have a comment let me know and I welcome any input.
Jennifer
I got real sick and had a stomach tear that tore through an artery. I almost died that night. I developed really bad IBS that night and my stomahc rebooted and every food i at afected my stomach different that it had before that night. Everything I ate made me sick so I ate nothing I have been loosing weight ever since in a significant steady manor over the last 2 years. I am now down to about 159 after a really bad month and a half long bad bad cold I got from a friend who had come back from India. It is also just at this point two years later that I am able to eat again and I am so skinny I feel emaciated. I get mis-gendered on a regular basis now. For a long time I did not have access to stores to get new cloths and the slow weight lose and baggy cloths and lack of a large mirror hide the lose from myself. I just went cloth shopping and am a size 5/6 pants and a size small top. I also was/have been going to some gender questioning and almost detransitioned (may still). Maybe that was causing the mis-gendering, I was very angry about being trans.
I pass so well but I have to wear fake hair. I have a $15000 hairpiece that is real human hair adn it is getting old and I have to have haircuts constantly to keep it it same length. I have male pattern baldnes and thinning hair. It is not too bad and could surive without a hairpiece but it is not very flattering. I am mor angy about that than anything. I so so so want to look like a cisgendered female... more so I want to be a female. I know that I am one if I feel like one and am finally letting myself feel like one (mental issues from childhood was messing things up in my head) but I want to have been born with a female body. That hurts me so much.
I practically have a females body but my hair is totally jacked up and it is classic my life. I succeed at anything I try but I can never fully succeed because something always happens either by my stupidity or Murphys law proves itself yet again. That is really the only reason I want to de-transition when I actually think about it. So now I want to continue with transition and have it be the best transition for me to make be happy and I run into something. I have so little fat on my body that my face now shows off my male features more and face seams hollow to me. If I don't wear makeup I get misgendered real bad (and sometimes if I do wear makeup). I also want to go back up to the higher dose of estrogen my doctor had me on that was working quite well before I got scared and drop my dosage down. But I might be broke for the next month and have to wait to go back on the higher dose. I so don't want to wait, I want to do this now!
That is were I am right now in my transition. Not sure what I aim to get from this post and sorry for the long rant but I needed to talk to someone like me. All my friends who are trans live so far away and I don't have a car anymore. I could probably start messaging them or something. I have a girlfriend who is trans and my boyfriend is cool with me being trans (we are in a poly relationship) but they are not the same. I cant go to my old support group due to it being so far away so I am trying to get back on here again now that I kinda know what I am doing my life again. Therapy has been a real good thing for me. It is midnight here and I am so tired. If you have a comment let me know and I welcome any input.
Jennifer