Destination Brighton

[Sarah Ellis]

Not sure if I've even mentioned it here, so here goes.

After my assesments and consultations at both ends of the UK over the course of last year in which I was given the go ahead for surgery, I was finally given a date a few weeks ago now.

Tuesday 16th September 2014 is the day I go under the knife in the hands of Dr Thomas, at Nuffield, Brighton, UK.

[Jorja]

Congratulations Sarah, September 16th is as good a day as any to make an outie an innie. Please keep us informed as the day approaches so we don't forget.

[Starling]

Congratulations, Estella!

:) Lallie

[I Am Paula]

T:)hat is truly wonderful news. I'm sure the time will fly by.

[Sandra]

Great news :) the time will fly by and September will be here before you know.

[Nigella]

What a long way to go, at least by UK standards :) I live nearer to Leeds and was operated on by Mr Fenton at Wakefield, I'm surprised that you were not offered that one as it is much closer.

Anyway, as everyone else says, time flies, start your chuff chart now :hugs:

[Sarah Ellis]

Seems, the options given were London and Brighton. as far as I know, there is nothing in the North just now. There's only Dr Thomas at Brighton and James Bellringer, now at Parkside. I'm glad I actually chose Brighton, not just because of the Charing Cross situation. I prefer the facilities and indeed the whole area and people.

[Maria in heels]

Wonderful news! Congratulations on knowing Sarah's birthday

[traci_k]

Congratulations, September will be here before you know it.

[Sarah Ellis]

One of those weeks for me. 7 weeks to go. and a bit of an issue with my id documents. My gp and my bank manager say they can't sign and verify my identity. My gp practice, apparently, say they can't act as a verifier until I've actually had the surgery, which is daft and untrue. I do have an appointment next week though with my own gp (who knows me better) to discuss this. Failing that though, I've left it in the hands of Mary Soulsby (at the GIC), whom I've made aware of this predicament.

On another note, I decided to drop in on my folks yesterday after having my injection. My mum was out mowing the grass as I approached the gate. She said to me later in the day that she didn't recognise who it was that was waving hello to her.

She's not seen me in a summer dress before, so along with the fact that she liked it, it felt more than a compliment to me. Seems I am getting through a bit more now. Felt good inside.

Kinda had the chance too to talk a bit more about how I have been feeling all those years and that I really do not blame them in any way at all.
My mum is concerned, obviously, over what I'm about to go through, but I stressed that it is what I want and that I'm aware of any possible dangers etc.

There's still no movement on my name, but maybe a bit of a breakthrough here to come. My mum has used the words girl and female in reference to myself for potentially the first time to me. That is a very big move and definitely a change of direction.

[Sarah Ellis]

With just 43 days to go now until srs, I'm almost prepared. Just a few small things needed now, but most of everything is now done. I have my ID requirements to allow me to pass through airport security on my return journey. Now figuring out what other things to take in my permitted 10kg luggage. The laptop will have to stay though, as it's quite a weight in itself. So looking like the mobile will have to suffice. Not that I'm likely to mind much anyway.

Finally, the time is now days away. The ecstasy is building forever greater.

[Sarah Ellis]

With only 35 days to go now, the mind and body is all over the place.


They recommended I was off the 'mones last week, but I reduced and kept some going, but should really refrain as from today. But that's just me.

No panic or doubts or anything of the sorts as regards surgical procedures or the care needed, but I guess those butterflies are in full flight within me.

While just about everything is in place too, I'm not prepared or packed as yet, as I'm still undecided as to what little things to take and also that I still need a few small things. Those items will have to wait til next week when I have the cash I guess. That will be my final chance to get things together before I travel. That is of course providing those train and flight tickets get through to me as well as the funding for the taxi transfers. ..... Shouldn't be a problem though.

So yea, I guess I am starting to panic then.

[Sandra]

They don't tell you to come of the hormones for no reason you need to do as they say.

I'm sure the time will fly by and before you know it you'll be on your way home.

[Jorja]

Do you have someone lined up to help you post operation? You will need some help for a little while and would suggest you look into help if you haven't yet.

[Sandra]

Jorja is right, when Nigella got home I had to help her with everything and I mean everything for the first 2 weeks.

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

Lovely team at Brighton i'm there for mine on Tuesday 9th September, i know you know Sarah but other might not. I hope all go well go well for you operation and should see you there.

[Sarah Ellis]

Thanks Zoe. The same goes for you too. We'll no doubt meet as I arrive. Just look for me as I'm unsure of my room number yet. But should be there after 2pm on the 15th.

It's recommendations Sandra, as to the hormones, as each of us differs from the standard 'normals'. But I will be off them in the next day or two.

Shouldn't be any worries as to aftercare too. I have my partner who has said he'll be there just about all the time (unless he has to work). Also friends who can help out with any essentials and such. There's medical support wthin a mile or two also who can be here within 10-15 minutes.

[Sarah Ellis]

26 days to go for me now. Still no confirmation on my travel details though. I do have an appointment at the clinic on Friday with one of the co-ordinators, should have things cleared up.

Bit of a panic though now.

[Sarah Ellis]

Muchos excitos for me now....

21 days to go now before I make the journey. Just about all sorted. All I need now is some cash and to arrange my airport assistance.

[marsha leanne]

sarah, congrats on your upcoming re-birth day! I am excited for you, and wish you the best. please keep us in the loop, so we can cheer you on!

[Sarah Ellis]

Thanks everyone.

With only 18 days now (after today) I'm almost, but not quite done. Just need to print off my boarding pass for the flight. I called the airline earlier today to arrange my assistance with them. So all that should be a formality.

There's still one or two things I need next week. So apart from the inevitable problems arising round money, it's all go.

[marsha leanne]

lots of plain cotton panties, pads, and dark clothes

[Sarah Ellis]

Had my pre-op swabs and bloods etc done this morning. Got to my docs a bit late, through no fault of my own. But didn't have too long to wait.
Although, the nurse couldn't find my correct details on the computer and had to go through every letter on the system. Gotta call them again next week to make sure my prescriptions wil be in place, following my surgery.

Anyway, I went over to see my folks, following this, as I was duly starving by then. Lunch and coffee done, my mum gives me a shout (wish they'd refer to my name and pronouns by now though), she hands me a pink top that she didn't want. Then, about an hour later, I gets another shout (wrong name again......... grrrrrrr) to be handed a pair of black, leather effect, skinny trousers. Really wish, that with only 10 days now til I head to Brighton, that a move would be made on my name and such. But really happy of more acceptance.

Stayed around for tea tonight. Then left around 7pm to get a bit wet on the way home. So had to borrow a brolly and a top to wear, having turned up this morning in just a thin top and skirt.

Home around 8pm. Now winding down and off to my bed. A place I've been neglecting lately.

[Sarah Ellis]

Just had my call from Debbie at Nuffield, Brighton. They've completed my pre assessments and are all set to await my arrival.......

Now to try and sort out this benefit debacle.



FORTY FIVE MINUTES on the phone to the benefits department. JSA claim now closed and my ESA claim setup....

As per typical though, it won't be processed til I have my sick certificate to send back to them. So I see some issues..... I'll receive that on 23rd. I'll have to get that in the post immediately the same day (I'm sure it can be done).

Sod anymore calls today though. I aint talking to anyone else yet......

[Sarah Ellis]

Well. The time is here. I checked into my room at lunchtime, following a journey which started at 7am. Just had tea, now relaxing. I'm due in the operating room at 10.30 tomorrow.

[arbon]

Exciting! I hope it all goes well for you tomorrow :)

[Nigella]

Will be thinking of you and wish you a speedy recovery :love:

[Jorja]

I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Best of Luck and hope you have a quick recovery.

[Rianna Humble]

I'm due in the operating room at 10.30 tomorrow.

I will be thinking of you from 10:30

If you feel up to a visit from a mouthy old woman after Friday, feel free to PM me

[Sarah Ellis]

Any visits would be more than welcomed. Tankyou...... I shall let you know......

Now just waiting for them to come n get me....

[Sarah Ellis]

Today, today, today.......

While the sun breaks over the south coast.

It's a new dawn. It's a new day. It's a new life.

[Sarah Ellis]

Post op me

[marsha leanne]

yea!!! our new baby girl! you look great!

[Jorja]

You are going to think "Yea me" about the time the anesthesia wears off.

[arbon]

Cangrats Sarah!!!! Wishing you a speedy recovery :cheer: :cheer:

[Sandra]

Congratulations and big gentle :hugs:

[Di]

Congrats ! Hope you have a speedy recovery .

[Sarah Ellis]

Not the best of days today. But I'm in safe hands.

[Sandra]

Just take one day at a time and relax, don't try and rush things .

[PretzelGirl]

Yay Sarah! Wishing that you may you be back on your feet quickly!

[Rianna Humble]

Went to see Sarah yesterday, she was doing well but fed up lying in bed. She is due to be released Tuesday and has booked the car to take her back to the airport.

[Sarah Ellis]

Very nice it was meeting you too Rianna.Even though I wasn't at my best. It was good to have someone to chat to. The little gift was a pleasant surprise too.

Still got a bit of a bleed here. But the catheter will be out later and then on with the dilating and to try and mobilize me for my expected return home tomorrow.

Edit

Looks like I'm not coming home tomorrow. Another bleed again, just as I were about to dilate. I just wanna cry.........

[Sarah Ellis]

This morning at 5am, I was put on a nil by mouth regime. Mr Thomas came to see me at about 8am to examine me and proceed with another dilataion. This time though, there was little blood and he felt happy to proceed with my after op care and getting me mobile again.
So food was back on my agenda. A lovely full English disappeared rather quickly and then out came the catheter.....

To quote part of a line that nobody ever said.... "They will never take our freedom"

[PretzelGirl]

Glad to hear recovery is going in the right direction Sarah!

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

Pleased that recovery getting back on track.

[Sarah Ellis]

A lot happier now. So looking like I'll be home on Thursday at some point.

Can't wait to cuddle my baby.


The team here have been outstanding. Such great care, even in my times of emotional outburst.

Just one of me today. Up and about again.

232884

[Rianna Humble]

Glad to see you looking so much brighter

[Sarah Ellis]

I feel so much better....


Manual targeting systems still need to be worked on, lol.

[Sarah Ellis]

Homeward bound tomorrow. So if any more of you still wanna drop by, then you better be quick, lol. Seriously, anyone welcome who's in the area. A lot to do for me still, yet very little energy.

[Rianna Humble]

Love to, but I'm working till 10 at night this week

[Sarah Ellis]

Thankyou all for following this journey of mine. It is not complete of course. But my stay over the last few days is now at an end.

Flying at 7pm. Leaving in a taxi at 4pm today. So better pack the computer away....

See you all soon xxx

[kimdl93]

It's been very interesting and enlightening to follow your progress. Congratulations on realizing your dreams and wishing you a speedy recovery!

[Sarah Ellis]

Thankyou so much to everyone who has followed this and to those around the web who visited me too. I'm home now. So this part of my journey in life has passed with only a few hitches.

First day back home really. First daily regime went without a problem. Point is, I found it hard to get to sleep last night. Today, having also to deal with the DWP (social security benefits etc) and the 14 letters I had while in hospital. Trying to keep my claim 'alive' is costing a fortune over the phone. Now I have to deal with council tax and rent. I think I will leave that til Monday.

My head is in a million emotional bits, completely messed up. My whole stance on life has been massively altered. My emotions, my tastes in food and music, etc etc. Everything has changed.

I've made some new friends, got emotionally close to a few, developed a whole new attitude and outlook with life. I even sound totally different, kinda euphoric in a way. I'm not meaning the pitch of my voice, but my general sound and such. Oddly, I have picked up a noticeable trait of a southern accent too. That's the fun bit. I told them when I first got down to Brighton, that I'd probably end up talking like a local. Never realised that I actually would be doing this.

Met some lovely people and had some great times, despite being bed bound much of the time. Once I got on my feet, I just felt so happy, like I've never ever felt in my life. Such a shame to leave behind me, those who have given me a whole new lease of life and a future worth aiming for.
I shall be returning my thanks in more than just a small way to everyone.

On reaching the 'dis'comfort of my own sofa last night, while Paul cooked pizza for me, I called my mum to let her know I was back safe. We talked a bit, at first she was still using my old name. But then I noticed a change in her tone. She apologised to me, and without actually refering to me as Sarah, she says sorry, 'its hard after al those years'. Maybe, I'm getting somewhere. It would be nice, when I see her. Even if it is just to have a hug.

Paul has been absolutely fantastic while I was away, making sure my place was nice and tidy and clean, especially my bathroom and kitchen and bedroom. It felt so good seeing him last night after my flight landed and I was wheeled through arrivals.

So happy to have so many wonderful people in my life and to have someone so close to love and care and share.

It all, in a way, still feels surreal, like a dream. But my lifelong dream has now became a true physical fact.

I'm obviously in a bit of discomfort and have soreness right now. Those wounds and bruises will fade and disappear. But my emotional experiences are going to be a part of my life forevermore.

[Sarah Ellis]

Two weeks ago today, at about this time, I was coming round, back in my room, at Nuffield Health Brighton Hospital following my GRS. This was a day that changed my life forevermore. Not just in a physical way, although so far, the resulting appearance, even with the ongoing healing, is pretty damn good.
That day, changed my whole outlook on life mentally. After so many years, struggling and denying and even hating myself, I could finally take a glimpse at my future. It might have been a few more days before I saw the results, but I had in no doubt, finally crossed one of the highst hurdles I had ever faced.
The 16th of September 2014, will remain an important date in my history. A new beginning and a re-birth of new life.

[Kimberly Kael]

Congratulations, Sarah. May you heal quickly and get on with the life you were meant to live.

[Sarah Ellis]

Thanks to all you girls. It's been one heck of a journey. Still a very long way to go. Tired and still sore n swollen a bit. Financial trouble too with my claim for sickness benefit still pending.

My battle and my journey go on.......... Next in my plans, once healed and fit again, will be breast augmentation.

[Sarah Ellis]

That part of my destiny may have been completed. But today, exactly 3 weeks after surgery, and a day after my official 44th, I am able to resume with my hormones. Many other things sorted with finances, hopefully. Not that I get much.
My post-op check up is on 2nd December, which I will arrange travel for soon. I may also, as more of a comfort for me, make an appointment at my own doctor, just to check on my healing process.
Doing ok. A bit sore at times and obviously, still can't do much or get out yet. But I seem to be progressing slowly. of course though, there is no real rush.

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

Got check up with my doctor yesterday and all is good, so i say do the same as gives peace of mind. Try build up energy as surprising how it run quickly go's.

[Sarah Ellis]

Not much of an update as such, just keeping this alive really. But things continue very slowly. Still hobbling around at times. Maybe even slightly overdoing it too, which aint good. But day to day things are as they were really, so, as far as I know, all is ok.

[Jorja]

Hang in there, better days are coming soon.

[Sarah Ellis]

Off for my post-op check in 2 weeks time, back in Brighton. should just be routine, but I do still have some concerns Still feeling a bit uncomfortable down below, 8 weeks post now, and still feels as though I'm swollen too. Easier than it was, but still tricky even sitting at times.
I have been in contact recently with my surgical team and they've no real concerns as regards my recovery. I guess some can take longer than others.

[Sandra]

I wouldn't worry to much about the swelling Nigella was like that for quite a few months.

[Sarah Ellis]

It can make it tricky sometimes when passing water, as it can spray in various directions. But I am at least slowly recovering and healing along the suture lines, although, these too, can be a bit tender.
I know it's all pretty much normal. But I do worry sometimes.

Thanks x

[Sarah Ellis]

With 2 weeks to go before I travel to Brighton for my post-op checks, I can't believe it's nine weeks ago today, that I underwent my surgical procedures. The time seems to have flown by.
Still sore at times though and looking like Sherwood Forest too, lol.

[Sarah Ellis]

Given that I've been suffering with a cold, it's looking promising for my return to Brighton this coming week. I do have a few issues that I'd like to discuss, so this comes at the right time.

Coincidentally, it's exactly a year too since I first met with the surgical team.

[Sarah Ellis]

So, off I went, back to Brighton on Tuesday morning for my evening appointment with Mr Thomas at the Nuffield Hospital. A bit busy on the train down to London Kings Cross, but otherwise uneventful as I took my seat for the one stop (York) journey to the capital. Arrived on time, so plenty time to make my connection.
Walked across the road to St Pancras International to get my second train. The one I was due to get was running late, so I got on the earlier one which was also running slightly late (it makes sense).
This got me into Brighton station about 6 minutes earlier than planned. I had plenty time anyway, so decided to have a wander about, case wheeled behind me, and do a bit of window shopping and looking at some really nice things.
By then, I was getting really cold (it was feezing down there) so made my way back up to the station and round the back up to the hotel in which I was staying.
Checked in ok and went up to my room, heading right for the kettle, lol. Had myself a coffee and got ready, before answering a phone call from my baby asking if I had arrived safely, to which I replied that all was ok apart from it being really cold outside.
A short while later I headed out the hotel to walk into the town to catch the bus up to Woodingdean, where the Nuffield is based. I got there with plenty of time to spare, so had time for a natter and to use some free wifi (hehe).
Got called into Mr Thomas' treatment room just after 7.30pm, where we chatted before he examined me. Apart from a small amount of granulation, which was easily treated, my process of healing has gone extremely well so far and should continue to do so without any problems. Really reassuring to know this. So it was hugs all round as I left the hospital.
Back outside, it was even colder by now and trying to rain also, as I waited at the bus stop. Didn't have too long to wait though, before I caught the bus back into town.
It was then off to the shop where I got myself a nice bottle of shiraz to take back to my hotel room.
Didn't take me too long to get through this, hehe, once I returned, which made for a nice sleep.
Wednesday, I awoke at 6.30 and got up at about 7am to get myself ready. It was then down to breakfast at around 8.30 for a full English and pot of green tea before heading upstairs to pack and then check out, which was around 10.30am.

Then the fun started for my journney back home.

I should have been on the 11.00am train through to St Pancras. An earlier one was delayed due to an incident in the London area having knock on effects all over the south and southeast. The departure board then flashing up all kinds of times for the next trains. The tannoy announcements too, seemed to hark back to the 1970s, with not a word being understood by me, now very familiar with the Brighton accent.
But anyway, I eventually boarded the 11.23 (at 11.43) sardine can service to Bedford, which wasn't really going anywhere due to another incident, a fatality, further up the line, that meant a queue of trains and another 30-40 minute delay.
It wasn't even until reaching East Croydon that I managed to occupy a seat on the train, by which time I was sore and knackered from standing too long.
Eventually reaching St Pancras, somewhat 30 minutes late, meant I had missed my connecting train from Kings Cross and reserved seat on the 13.00 service.
So now I was looking at the 14.00 train to Aberdeen, which was a fast service, to Newcastle. All good in theory.
The fun of the day then continued. About 30 minutes up the main east coast line, the train came to a slow crawl and then stop.
Turns out, the overhead lines were down in Newark (Lincolnshire) which, with knock on effects, was resulting in a ninety minute delay to all mainline services.
So my journey, although not as bad as some experience, was bad enough, with me arriving back to Newcastle, not at 15.50 as expected, but at 18.30. A total time, station to station of 7 1/2 hours.

[Sandra]

Good to hear that things are going ok.

[Jorja]

Good to hear everything is going well. And now you know why I do not live anyplace close to a passenger train. Waiting on the !@#$ freight trains is a big enough pain.

[Sarah Ellis]

Recovery goes on, but GP surgery is a waste of time.... They won't take things further until they've heard from my GIC. Also, apparently, letters have gone astray from my psychologist to my doctor since BEFORE my operation. So much of my record from the past year is 'missing'.
Trying to chase up and arrange things, but looking now as though I'll have to wait til after the holiday break. Seems as though my own doctor thinks that the surgery was the end all of my journey..... Not correct at all. Just not very well informed in my opinion.

I contacted my GIC last week, but knowing them, they'll not get back to me. So another call looks likely to further my requests for more treatment, advice and arrange eventually for my BA surgery to take place if the funding can be put in place.

On another couple of points from my doctor. I've been refused funding for removal of neurofibromas on my chest. So I'm not finished there either.

But I did manage to get another 2 months sick. If that indeed gets to the social security department before Christmas.

If that doesn't reach them, then I am well n truly screwed over the holiday break.

[Sarah Ellis]

I should really rename or start a new one with this.

Mid January now and all is progressing, albeit it slowly. Still 'on the sick' as it were, but this period is due to end in about 5-6 weeks time. I may still be a little stiff and often feel very dry down below, but I'm improving and intend on a visit to a local clinic, just to arrange to be checked out as soon as there's a break in the weather. A lot easier than it was for me though, although now I'm suffering through the winter period with the colder days and bouts of SAD.

All this aside though, I'm doing ok and having seen my gender specialist last week, have made further enquiries and pushing for an appointment to try and obtain further funding for more hair removal and to hopefully secure some of the funds towards my goal of breast augmentation to which I feel is necessary to achieve a more comfortable look.

[Sarah Ellis]

Just getting to thinking. It's 137 days today since I underwent surgery at the Nuffield Health Brighton Hospital.

That's almost 5 months now. Time does fly.

[Sandra]

It does fly by hope everything is ok?

[Sarah Ellis]

February has been for me, pretty much a non event. The depths of winter are really a struggle for me at the best of times. Financially, it has been crippling, with juggling bills and food. No time for Sarah time. Meaning no funds to get out and even shop for some new or second hand clothing.
Waiting too on further appointments with the gender clinic and also to get my blood checks done. I've not been feeling too good, both physically and emotionally of late. There's issues with the social security chasing me about and wanting me to miraculously be fully available and fit to work. I'm not avoiding it all, but I am in no way ready. The stress and emotionally pressure has inevitably resulted in me piling on more than just a few pounds. It's not been the best of times, after such a ride through life.

[Sarah Ellis]

Going to take this brief moment of time through the beams of springtime sunshine to try and raise a bit of positive emotion. For the past few days, I have been seriously under the clouds, suffering from a virus that has been going round and round. I have in fact had a similar, obviously different strains, virus on three occasions since the new year. While my immune system has been building up, I have still been very susceptible to the little ailments that hound us. This latest one has almost run its course, though still has a bit of a sting left in the tail.
There have been many other emotional issues on top of all this during those winter months that I have been dealing with too. These have been leaving me in some very dark places that I've never really wanted to go to.
Managing though to lift out of this just a little with some help from various sources. But do sometimes feel as though I need a little more. It can take hold at times. Having come this far and more though, it certainly shows a strength and determination that I thought I would never be able to find at one time.
I still need to cry and release though. That can prove difficult to do when I need to at times.
I see those rays of sun out there though.

[Sarah Ellis]

Wow! Can't believe it's 253 days today since my surgery. Everything going as normal as it ever did now. Still strugles, both emotional and physical and any sign of work still a long way off. But getting by now and not really any integration and socialising issues. Confidence has improved massively. Been informed too that I'll be getting a visit soon from a special friend, who has helped me greatly in the last few years. She knows who she is.