I feel so happy

[8086sophie]

I've had some slight issues with anxiety and OCD lately (not related to dressing, something else).

But my family are away for a few nights on a short break and I have to work so I'm home alone.

I went out and bought some knickers and a bra this evening so I'm sat here now wearing a nice pink top with full length arms, matching underwear and a nice skirt that I've "borrowed" from the other half.

I feel so happy and relaxed. I just went for a simple shaped bra under the top, no padding etc. I keep looking down and it feels to natural.

I don't smile a whole lot, but I've been twirling in front of the mirror and catching the smile on my face.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not unhappy the rest of the time. But this is different somehow.

I just feel at ease like this.

I just wish I could talk about it with my other half. But she has a busy life. Kids, self employed, the house, it all adds up. Not sure she needs any more stress. :)

It's annoying. I have no problem with anyone knowing - yet there's no one to tell.

I need to find some way of chatting with her about this. It's not something I do a whole lot, but there are so many ways this can be taken badly. I can only begin to imagine how screwed up it must seem to someone on the outside.

I mean seriously - if your wife sat down one night and said she wanted to dress like a man. That she drew a moustache on her face when you were out. That she wore Y-fronts without you knowing. That she liked taping her breasts down to pretend they weren't there. That she would put socks down her pants to make a bulge..... that would seem pretty ****ed up... yet we seem to expect out other halves to somehow just accept our strange desires?

It's a crazy mixed up world all right :)

[Marcelle]

Hi Sophie. Firstly I am glad that dressing can bring you joy in a full spectrum sort of way . . . so keep doing so if it makes you feel good. Telling your wife, well only you can truly answer that question as you know your wife the best. You are correct in that to the uninitiated, what we do can seem weird so if you are going to tell your wife you have to be prepared for such a reaction and it will only go one of two ways (1) acceptance or some sort of acceptance; and (2) not good. My opinion on this and it is only my opinion and others will disagree, if you are at a point where CDing is integral to your emotional well being and you need to do it and hiding it is getting harder on you . . . then it is time to have the talk. However if you can live with stealing a moment here and there and it is just something you do to give yourself a quick boost of happy . . . do you really need to tell your wife. Again only you can answer that question.

Hugs

Isha

[Edyta_C]

Sooner or later you will have to tell. The CDing does not normally go away and for some of us is a key part of our emotional makeup. I am glad you had the moment of happiness.

Edy

[Beverley Sims]

Sophie,
At least you appreciate how your wife would feel.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sophie, Take it slow and make sure that the time is right.

[AKADonna]

Agree with the above responses, Sophie! I am in the midst of a year long plan to expose my CDing to my wife. We had a talk wherein I told her of my love for feminine underwear and how really good they make me feel. At first, she was worried that I didn't love her any more or that I had plans for a transgender switch. Once I convinced her that neither of these were the case, she has been more acceptable to the idea - as long as I don't ever let my picture be taken en femme (for fear the grandkids might get a new vision of Grandpa) - and she does not yet wish to see me as Donna. All of this is Ok for now (it's been about 4 months). Along the way, little comments have come out that help me to know of her gradual acceptance. Recently, we were in a department store and she pointed to a long, flowing Spring outfit and said "I'd bet Donna would look good in that!". I didn't think the time right just yet to pursue it that day, but it told me volumes about where she is.

Just take your time, take little itty bitty steps and don't push too hard!

[Teresa]

Sophie don't rush into anything, as you're a fairly new member have a good read through the threads even going back through some old ones, the MTF forum shuffles forward pretty quick it's easy to miss something you might find relevant.
Maybe Katie or one of the other mods has told you about the ten post rule, when you get passed that it opens up other areas, I would go to the loved ones section, I've renamed it the reality zone because you get more response from GGs and I've found it helps you get things in perspective.
I've checked your age and yet again you've nearly the hit forty mark, I've noticed many members including myself have come out about that age, mine didn't go well but to others a whole new life opened up to them with their partners. The advice many will give you is once said it can't be retracted.
In my case I had to get it as clear as could in my own mind before talking to my wife, I felt it was unfair just to say this is me, this is what I want to do and I can't help it. That's not an explanation to your partner that may know nothing of your CDing. Your last paragraph may relate to you, but GGs don't have a thread in their brain that relates to that so they may not see the reasoning in the same way. Sorry I've gone on some !!
Obviously you're enjoying what you're doing because it's putting a smile on your face !

[bridget thronton]

I would accept that behavior from my spouse because I love her - it is not up to me to dictate how she dresses

[docrobbysherry]

Your post is aperfect example of why most CD,s dress in private. It is relaxing and freeing. Allowing us to express ourselves in any manner of dress or undress that we enjoy. With no critical eyes watching us!