how to ship clothing with out the wife knowing

[shwana]

how can you have stuffed shipped with out the wife knowing about it

[Lorileah]

use a shipping place like UPS store

[Byron]

Watch the tracking carefully and know when to it is to arrive and be ready to intercept it that day. If you already order lots of other things not-dressing related online then this is not too out of the ordinary and should not raise suspicion. :D

[Saepe]

If you work at an office, have it shipped there. If not, get a PO box.

[Julie Denier]

I have parcels sent to me at work.

[CynthiaD]

If you have parcels shipped to you at work, be careful. I once worked for a large company that would open any parcels that appeared to be of a personal nature, and would inform your boss about personal items, noting that the shipping and receiving department was for company business only.

[Saepe]

^^ I guess your mileage may vary. The office I worked at previously had personal stuff shipped to most of the employees on a regular basis. (I haven't had to ship anything discreetly since moving to a new job)

[Deedee Skyblue]

PO Box, box at UPS/FedEx store. Don't have it shipped to your house and hope you can always intercept it!

But I am pretty sure if you are doing shipping and she doesn't know about it, when she finds out, your name will be mud...

Deedee

[Adriana Moretti]

I have more interceptions than all the NFL teams combined....in my hood fed ex comes at 10, usps 11.30, ups 2.30 .......

[ronny0]

how can you have stuffed shipped with out the wife knowing about it

Secrets will really hurt, once they are found out.......
Consider having 'the talk' before she discovers your hobby...

[abby054]

Get a PO Box. Do not try to intercept; one failure and you are toast. Do not send it to the office unless you are fine with being outed to your coworkers.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Shawna, Look in the phone book for Mailboxes.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

I agree with Ronny. Have the talk. Then shop together online and open the packages with your wife. I did it. It' s fun, and then you can model the items together.

[darla_g]

all the deceipt will catch up with you. why can't you just be honest with her?

[Janine cd]

I agree . A P.O.box, UPS store or Fed-EX store can accommodate any need for ambiguity.

[Kelly DeWinter]

At this point I would suggest playing the soundtrack from JAWS ........

You probably could ship things .... for awhile ... until you are busted. Search some of the threads here, you will find that honesty will win out in he end.

[AllieSF]

Sorry, Kelly but some also people lose big by making the big reveal. It is her personal decision to make, not yours, mine nor anyone else's. She can read some of those old threads, including the ones where crossdressing was the straw that broke the camel's back and destroyed the relationship, and then make her own decision. Yes, it works for some, but not all. There are also a lot of don't Ask Don't tell threads, some that work and some that don't. The success threads here are probably greatly outnumbered by the ones never discussed by people like us who are not members of this site. She didn't ask if she should tell her wife.

Shwana, you have received some good recommendations so far. Another way to avoid shipping is to just go in a store, thrift, Kohl's or wherever and buy what you like, for yourself, or for your girlfriend or wife, if they ask, which most will probably not. That way, no mailing, nor mailing charges and for some stores, you can always take it back for exchange or money back. Once you get up the courage, you can actually try things on in stores to make sure it fits before paying for it. Good luck.

[Miss Kitty]

I definitely agree in taking the honest approach and talking about it.

[Amy Fakley]

You can buy pre-paid Visa cards at wal-mart, use them on Amazon (or wherever) and have them shipped to any UPS store, just put "hold for pickup" in the name on the shipping address (and phone ahead to the UPS store to let them know). They'll accept US mail as well as fed-ex there.

Don't let people put the pressure on you to come out.
It royally sucks having to hide like we do, but reality is a harsh mistress. Only you can know your own realities, I for one respect them :-)

[Jaylyn]

Best just to let her know and then don't worry unless you have kids who are home all day in the summer. Like Lori says just go to a UPS store and pick up the package.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Allie;

Part of the value in belonging to a forum like this , is that along with our questions being answered, is that we can get added advice on WHAT and WHY we are asking. It's that added advice that sometimes has the most value.

You have a valid points, however there is more to the OP question then just "How can I ship items without my wife's knowing?"

Is it ethical to do so.
What is the long term effect when i start hiding things from my family.
Will this affect my character.

Yes, it will always be her decision, but what a person has to consider in making that decision can have life long implications.

There is the ethical question

[Beverley Sims]

If I want something quickly I save a day's delay by picking it up at the agents sorting room.

This applies to anything.

[CarlaWestin]

all the deceit will catch up with you. why can't you just be honest with her?

Sister, ain't that the truth? I've had PO Boxes. Talk about a pink fog generator. That's how I wound up with six inch heel black leather ballet shoes. No, you really can't walk in them. I've had my wife hand me a package from The Breastform Store, clearly marked Hold for Pick-Up, asking, "I thought you told me you quit this?" Really. Honesty is really a big relief although even that has it's moments. Just yesterday she handed a package to me exclaiming, "So, what's this?" My reply, "It's a fabulous long curly brown wig." Yeah, I got the look. The wig really is fabulous.

[DanielleLee]

Hi Shwana,

To answer your question, a paid PO Box or private mailbox in a UPS store, to which only your name is attached.

To the others,

Why are you assuming the OP has not told his wife? Maybe she does not approve, maybe it's a DADT. Isn't the consensus here, in addition to honesty is the best policy, that we as cross dressers can't ever stop? What's a cross dresser to do then?

We're still going to cross dress, but we need to continue to be honest at all times.... "Honey, I know you said that you didn't want to know about this and that you don't approve... however in full disclosure... I feel I should let you know I've ordered some frillies for myself"

Yeah, I'm sure that's going to work out just fine :brolleyes:

Each of us has to do what works best for us, after being honest upfront and letting the genie out of the bottle. (I totally agree in upfront honesty and disclosure)

What happens after however, in those scenarios where wives do not approve... well each of us has to walk in our heels and be ready to handle the consequences.

[Cheryl T]

The post office and others are all ok ways, but the honest approach is the best.
I did the hiding thing for so many years. It's toll on you is unseen and the deceit will have a massive effect if you are discovered.

Bite the bullet and be honest. If this is important to you you need to express that and if the love that exists is real and strong then all will work out...if not, then at least you know it wasn't true and you can stop tormenting yourself and stop sneaking about.

[abby054]

I agree with Ronny. Have the talk. Then shop together online and open the packages with your wife. I did it. It' s fun, and then you can model the items together.

I disagree. I tried the talk. She went ballistic. She yelled insults on sight for weeks. That was in 1997. She still feels free to berate me whenever she feels like it.

[Emi_]

Lying, hiding, deceiving, etc. are NEVER the best policy. That's not just true about cross-dressing, it's true about anything in your life - you made a promise to be completely open and honest with your spouse and to try to make a go of it for better or for worse. It's an US FIRST, not a ME FIRST kind of arrangement.

If you are honest and the crap still hits the fan, chances are they were gonna hit the fan sooner or later for any number of reasons. To be honest, a ready willingness to lie to a life partner is probably a good sign that the marriage you have is probably going to have troubles anyway even if you never once thought of wearing women's clothes.

Is it easy to open up to our wives about this? Hell no! It's really stinking scary! I know, I did it. Is it always going to work out and be a positive experience? Most certainly not. I was estranged from my family for years and my one and only sibling still barely grunts to me after nearly 20 years. Is it right to be open and honest and truly intimate with the person we claim to love the most in the world? YES!!! YES!! YES!!!

[Vickie_CDTV]

Like others said, get a PO Box or private mailbox at UPS Store etc. You could probably get away with having things sent to your work, but you never know if it might be opened by accident (or on purpose if having personal packages arrive there violates some kind of policy. It is always best to keep as much of your personal life and work as separate as possible, trans or not.

[AllieSF]

I hear what you say Kelly and all the others that state that Shwana should tell her wife. I too, which some may not believe, am an advocate of telling your significant other, "IF POSSIBLE". Abby's post is a clear indication of what might happen. Does it always happen? No. Does it happen more positively than negatively in the SO reaction department? I don't know and I would need a lot of hard data from either side to say that one happens more than the other. So, in a 50/50 chance of either negative or positive reaction, which one is better. If one is clearly on their way to transitioning then it is only a matter of when is the best time to tell for both. In a casual and occasional crossdressing situation, to me, there can be a lot of wiggle room as to whether to tell or not.

There also seems to be a lot of assumptions that the newbie asking that question or similar ones is an immature adult and hasn't already thought about what is best for themselves and their own situations, and have decided what they want to do. Yes, there are obviously some very immature to crossdressing newbies here (a minority in my opinion after over 7 years on this site), but most of them are very intelligent with a good head on their shoulders who have been making critical decisions all their life and are already prepared to live with and accept the consequences of their decisions.

In the end it is their own personal decision if and when and how to tell. I know that every time someone asks those simple questions about how to hide, how to receive, how to get out of the house, the crusaders for tell all and damn the consequences (maybe because they personally do not have to suffer those consequences) will start insisting that it is the only way to go, "Tell and live with the consequences, because I don't have to".

If the crusaders are always so motivated to not answer the OP's original question and instead prefer to recommend something else, why not just start a reminder thread on a weekly, bi-weekly or monthly basis with the main topic of why one should tell their SO's, how to tell them and when. Just remember that the mods/admins may just delete that type of repetitive thread.

Shwana, I have no idea where you are with all this and since this is not the topic of this thread, my only other recommendation not given in my previous post in this thread is that where there is a will there can and probably is a way to do what you want. There are always risks involved especially if you have to provide your real home contact information. So, maybe you want to select a service where that information is not required to purchase the service. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[shwana]

thanks for every thing I have talk to her be for about it and she will not stand for it I love her but also love dressing

[ambigendrous]

One aspect of being truthful to your wife hasn't really been mentioned yet, but needs to the thought about. It's something that young people tend to ignore, but as you find yourself, like me, closer to the end of your life than the beginning of your life you need to be aware of how your secret will be handled once you breathe your last breath. SOMEBODY will find your stash when they're cleaning out your closet/garage/basement/car or wherever you're storing your stash. How are they going to react to that discovery? Of course you'll no longer care but family members deserve to have their dignity maintained at such times.

[Amy Fakley]

Good grief. A newbie member posts a 13-word sentence about how to receive packages and a 2 page guilt-trip / pile-on ensues about coming out.
I sure love this place, but my God, sometimes I just shake my head.

Because something worked out for you, does not mean it's likely to work out for anyone, or everyone. Arguments of honesty and ethics are all neatly abstracted. Potentially blowing a happy family apart ... well that's pretty damn real. All I'm saying is that maybe we should think twice before instigating this kind of response?

This is a bulletin board for crossdressers. Even the most out and proud among us have certainly been in this pickle before, right?

What the heck, y'all?

[Kelly DeWinter]

Amy ;

It's just free advice the OP can take it or leave it. Forums have never been a place where you get a yes/no answer.

Ethics go to character and it's easy to see that people are trying save the Op future pain and hardship ( and do you really believe that receiving packages without your spouse knowing about it does NOT have the potential of blowing a happy family apart ?)

Most people HAVE thought twice about this and thats WHY the responses are what they are.

I'd love to here what GG's have to say on this issue.

I think the lack of response from them is because they are rolling their collective eyeballs at the suggestions of HOW to hide said deliveries.

[AllieSF]

Hi Kelly. I would happily agree with all your suggestions if you were ready to stand up and pay in cash, frustrations and pain short term and long term when someone followed your advice and then suffered the consequences of doing just that, following a strangers well intentioned recommendations. As we all know, it is ever so easy to tell someone what to do when we really do not know all the details of their unique situation. From a simple post we can deduct certain things that may or may not be correct. Now if Shwana follows your advice to a "T" and then all hell breaks loose because of that. She loses her wife who gets a court order to prevent her from ever contacting her kids, she loses her job because her now ex wife decides to tell everyone else in the world because of her hatred for her husbands perversion, she has to live in her car because without a job she cannot afford a cheap apartment, WILL YOU SUPPORT HER BECAUSE SHE FOLLOWED YOUR ADVICE????? Will you comfort her, will you give her a decent paying job, will you give her a place to live, and so on??

As I said before honesty is the best policy, but each needs to make their own decision. You give your advice because you hope they follow it, right??

I have two friends whose wives got court orders preventing them from seeing their kids. One ex wife refused to get their kids social security numbers thus allowing the husband who always paid for the child support to at least claim that child support as a deductible on his tax return. His wife pumped venom into those kids over many years. My friend was only able to see his loved children a few times over many years. You make your recommendation as if there is nothing to lose, and if there is you don't have to worry about it because you personally did not lose anything.

If you want to consistently recommend that one must always, always, tell the SO everything, then please at least tell them that sometimes it doesn't work out and that the worst case scenario, though rare, still can happen, so make the decision considering all possible outcomes and take the risks that they are willing to take. Otherwise, please get off that lofty soapbox.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Allie , If only the world worked how you suggest, to have others pay for our decisions. I noticed you excluded the opposite , If things turned out great what would you offer a handwritten thanks for the 'free advice' ? You have to get real when it comes to advice and consider it according to your situation (or in this case the OP situation). Of course there is the opportunity to 'lose', just as there is the opportunity to 'win'. Would you prefer that when it comes to relationships, that we hide what makes us uncomfortable ? I have been on the loosing side by withholding the TG part of me from my ex (Note I said ex, so I KNOW , all of what it is possible to lose) So I submit instead of a lofty soapbox, I speak from a ground level perspective, that most relationships do not survive deception. Jeannie and I have been together for many years now, and I made it a point not to withhold,lie,deceive(insert word here) about CD/TG being what I am or about what I wear or when I wear it. if you read the other posts in this thread , most also recommend honesty.

To paraphrase an oft quoted line "What a tangled web we weave , when those we love we start to deceive"

So I'll stand by my original opinion, that yes the OP can figure out/be advised on how to receive a package in the mail without his wife knowing, but ............ it's not a good idea ! (Cue the music for JAWS)

If anyone else would like to take me to task on my opinion on honesty, please PM me , so that this thread an go back to the OP topic of hiding his clothes purchases from his spouse.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Lying, hiding, deceiving, etc. are NEVER the best policy.


Maybe true, but I wouldn't know. I do know it may be the only policy.

My wife knows, and is unhappy about it.

Why throw gas on the fire, when I can ship to a PO Box?

Over the long term, the PO Box is cheaper than the UPS Mail box. When I had a UPS shipment, I would have it shipped to a UPS store for "Will Call." I just had to notify the UPS store in advance and pay $5. Now my PO has street number delivery, so the shipper can't even tell if it is a PO Box.

One shipper told me they didn't ship to PO Boxes. So I just gave them the PO street address and it arrived just fine.

[sometimes_miss]

You can buy pre-paid Visa cards at wal-mart, use them on Amazon (or wherever) and have them shipped to any UPS store, just put "hold for pickup" in the name on the shipping address (and phone ahead to the UPS store to let them know). They'll accept US mail as well as fed-ex there. Don't let people put the pressure on you to come out.
It royally sucks having to hide like we do, but reality is a harsh mistress. Only you can know your own realities, I for one respect them :-)
As above, the odds of a marriage surviving your coming out to her are not good; sure, there are some 'success stories' here, but there are far more destroyed marriages. Don't let the pink fog fool you into believing that everything will automatically work out. It usually does not; and of course, consider the worst possible outcome should you consider coming out to your wife; if you can live with the worst possible outcome (divorce, her locking you out of your house, cancelling your credit cards, taking everything out of your bank accounts, having your car listed as stolen, her outing you to work, friends, family, and more terrible things, then go ahead, because it's very likely to happen.
That said, I have used a UPS store mailbox now for 15 years. Every delivery company will deliver there, you can have them notify you when packages arrive, and you never have to worry about where your private mail and packages are. I only pick up my mail once a week, the people are very friendly, and don't care what you order. I often work nights, and get all my stuff delivered there so that I never have to be woken up by the delivery people.
As you can guess, my experience coming out to the wife did not end well.