excited/depressed

[Myasummers05]

Not sure where to start, so if this sounds jumbled up sorry in advance. I am prior military, my wife was a military brat growing up, well out of the clear blue she has decided to join the National Gaurd. She tried joining back.in.2010 for active duty, but couldnt loose the weight, and now that she has lost weight she is tryin for the guard, which at this point is a go! :/.. If she does go she will.be gone to.basic and AIT for 27 weeks total. This is going to be the most enjoyable but saddest part of my life "besides the birth of our 3 children". I will b able to.dress pretty much anytime, while kids r at school.or asleep which i am very VERY excited and happy about, but i.will b in a great state of depression, for.we have never been away from.each other that long :(... Has anyone else ever gone through this or something similar to.this? If so how did you deal with it?? Im looking at it as time needed apart from.one another which every couple needs but 27 weeks is a long time to b away from an S.O :'( any advice would b great. I received a message earlier tonight from a local cd sister about meeting up sometime with her n her group, if my wife does go through with this whole national guard thing, this might b a great thing foe me to get my mind off my wife being gone, but i have to get over my fear of going out in public dressed first, since i.dont get to but on halloween. I know i will.have a great support group.on this site as well :) but if anyone has any pointers/advice on this situation i would greatly appreciate it! :)

[Christen]

Hi,
I've never been separated for that long, that's for sure, but I have had periods of up to six weeks. Not the same I know, however I certainly missed my partner .. and I took the opportunity to dress as much as I could.
My experience was that while I loved being able to take the time to dress, I also got a bit depressed. A mixture of missing her and too much self indulgence, I think.
Only thing I'd suggest is that you set some sort of limit, maybe set dates to dress and do it really well. Otherwise things may get out of hand.
Good luck,

Christen x

[Genny B]

Are your children still at home? If so, you may be so tired at the end of the day getting dressed may seem like to much work. I am prior service also and there was a four year time frame where I was hardly ever home and it was hard on both of us. When we die get a phone call to each other all we really talked about was how tired we were. I'll never forget when I flew into Champaign Illinouis after not seeing my family for a year and I got off that puddle jumper to meet a son I hadn't even met yet, it was great, but I don't ever want to do that again!

Genny B

[Myasummers05]

Yes my kids are still at home Genny, but are pretty well able to manage to fend for themselves for their ages though. Granted she has decisded to go when they will b back in school which will.give me time during the day to do.as i please if i am off work to dress, but i am probably going to b to.depressed to dress because my house will b empty of my wife for to long :( shes not even left yet and here i am.already depressed :-/ this is going to b a very hard time for me because we r so.danged close to.each other, even if we have a massive argument! Lol

[MissTee]

CD time would be the least of my concerns. In the total force concept, National Guard and Reserve get deployed. With all we have going on in the Middle East I'd worry about her getting sent into that. BTW, I'm retired military (24 years) and serve on military affairs as well as congressional legislative committees for military support. Many reservists are on approaching 10 or more overseas tours of duty in the last decade. I'd give that woman a hug for her service commitment, while worrying about the motivation to join and her safety. Respectfully, I'm not sure I could celebrate dressing under those circumstances.

[Alexis.j]

Just be careful about getting to used to the freedom to dress and do as you please, while she is away. .. as when she returns, you would have to get used to things having to go back like it was, which might lead to bigger issues and depression. Just be careful.

[Beverley Sims]

I agree with others here it is not all going to be wine and roses as children will take up your time.
Does she know about your dressing, that bit of deciet could be challenging.

[Teresa]

I may have missed it but does you know about your CDing ? Is she partly doing this to give you more time to dress ? I guess knowing or not your 27 weeks of possible CDing is going to be tempered with guilt and some depression with the temporary loss of your wife.
Maybe easier said than done but I don't think I would dress 24/7, still set aside some time as if your wife is still about and set yourself a list of must do jobs. My wife knows about my dressing but does appreciate I take care of jobs around the house, it makes you feel better because you know you haven't been totally self indulgent. I think Bev has a point about not going OTT when your wife is back getting use to to old routine is going to be harder.

[Marcelle]

Hi Mya. Canadian military (32 years) here. My wife and I have been married for 24 years but in actuality we have only been together (in the same place) for 21 of those years. Separation is never easy. CDing aside, I recommend you invest your time in your kids, your hobbies, and yes CDing if that will help you through. The longest I have been separated in one stint from my wife was an operational deployment of 11 months . . . now in a way it was easier for me (in the sense that time moved quicker) as I was busy. Still, it was difficult and all you can do is concentrate on one day at a time, set a routine and move forward.

My one word of advice on "reintegration" (when she comes back). You will both have established what I refer to as "singles routine" in that you are used to doing things "your way". This does not always mesh with "couples routine" or the way you used to do things. Talk about that and ensure you integrate you "singles" routine back into your relationship. I imagine that there will be other separations in the future so you will need to go through this a few times. It never gets easier, just more comfortable in doing so.

I too wonder . . . does she know about your CDing? If not, I would be cautious in exploring that side "public wise". Should a mutual friend of your wife and yours recognize, that is probably not the news she wants to receive on basic. If she does know and you have never ventured out . . . I would discuss this with her before she goes to ensure she is comfortable with it as well.

Hugs and good luck.

Isha

[Mollyanne]

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here, first off why is she joining the Guard???? Is she getting away from you and the children???? You stated that you guys have school age children and I am assuming that you will be taking care of them, is that correct????? As far as your "girl time" is concerned I don't think you will have any time to fulfill your "need" to dress. You, as the caretaker parent will be up to your neck in everything and every part of raising them. But in any event, GOOD LUCK to you.

Molly

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Mya, I was just wondering , does your dressing have anything to do with your wife's decision ??