I have a question...

[Amylou2014]

So a little info. Many of you may have read my posts, but long story short, my husband of 2 yrs just came out to me last mouth, he said it's only a sexual fetish thing.
I think I many have just proven that true.
I don't know how to put this.....
Me and my husband were trying on all of our new dresses, we were playing around for about an hour, we got all dresses up, he got super turned on he loved when I told him how sexy he looked in his new dress,we had sex, and after he...."finished" lol sorry don't know how else to say it, he hated the dress, he wanted all of it off. Like he undressed soooo quick. Even went so far as getting it out of his sight. He went straight back to be my super manly husband.

Does this ever happen to anyone else?

[Jorja]

For some this does happen. For them it is a purely sexual thing. Once they "finish" it is done and they show hate and embarrassment. They are ashamed of what they have done. It is quite common. Just reassure him everything is alright and that you enjoyed it (if you did). Also reassure him his masculinity still intact.

[Rogina B]

Like Jorja suggested,tell him it is all good! I used to work in a "dresser's boutique" in the Boston area,and most visitors there behaved like your husband..but they always came back!

[AKADonna]

AmyLou: , I have experienced similar "letdowns" after reaching sexual climax when I found myself crossdressing as a sexual thing (earlier in life). Sooner or later, though, the feminine feelings and urges came back, over and over again. Then I read a lot of books & articles on the subject and determined that my CDing is a "gender-bending" rather than a sexual thing. Now that I am 70 and hormonal changes have taken place in my body (No more hair on my arms, legs, underarms, chest, etc), I get those urges with increasing frequency. (Some on this forum call this "The Pink Fog"). In short, I don't think that what you've seen your hubby go through is probably not the last you will hear of his crossdressing! He is not alone as there are millions of us out there who experience the same feminine feelings and urges. I applaud you for the way that you support him and are open to helping him discover and manage his feminine side.

Please continue the dialogue! It is very healthy and the communication between you and your husband is of critical importance.

[flatlander_48]

The problem is that your partner thinks that he did something really unseemly, but that isn't the case. The reaction you saw is a result of years of conditioning. When males are young, we get a TON of messages (some overt and some covert) about what constitutes a Real Man. We aren't supposed to figure out the concept of masculinity; rather we are to just accept what we've been told.

When we get into a situation where those notions are challenged, and we like it, it scares us and there is a Strong Pull to return to our comfort zone. We have to because we think the we have broken something and it needs to be put right. The truth is that real life is not so simplistic. MANY of us incorporate female traits along with the masculine. Assuming this kind of episode happens with some frequency, hopefully the pressure will ease and he'll be more relaxed about things.

[Marcelle]

Amylou . . . Jorja hit the nail on the head so I would follow her advice on this one.

Hugs

Isha

[Amylou2014]

I agree, he has been cding since he was about five, he said he cd a couple times a month for the last 15 yrs.

After he took it all off I confronted him about it, I told him it was ok, that I liked it, and I asked him how long until he feels the need to get dressed up again, he said the feeling will come back tomorrow after work, when he needs to de stress and relax.

[Paula_Femme]

...he said the feeling will come back tomorrow after work, when he needs to de stress and relax.

Hi Amylou

I'm sorry your husband is struggling with this, it must be quite painful for him, but as long as you keep reassuring him that he's okay, that you're okay with it - as long as you are, do be honest with him! - he will hopefully start to accept himself, who he is, and be happier for it.

A lot of crossdressing starts as a sexual fetish, mine did, but just as your husband indicated, there's a deeper emotional component to it, and it's this that will remain, and probably eclipse the purely sexual element in time.

Good luck to you both!!! :)
Paula

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amy, It sounds like everything goes dead after the BIG-O .

[Amylou2014]

O no, that hurt a little, I'm ok with it being a sexual thing, but I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with it being a non sexual thing. Wait idk. I'm confused now....I guess I'll figure out how I really feel in time.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I used to have a similar reaction, except the "having sex with my wife" part of it.

But I've evolved to a much higher level now, and I really, really hate going back to boy mode when the evening's over.

So, maybe there's still hope.

[MissTee]

Sounds like a familiar story. In youth the hormones rage, and conveniently the libido masks the self loathing many feel when they dress. Thus, after finishing, a satisfying of the hyper-libido occurs and the self loathing returns. Then it's "off with the dress."

What's most telling is the cycle that repeats itself over and over and over. In time, and with age and diminishing libido, a deeper meaning is accepted (or not) and it becomes not about sex.

[Linda Stockings]

I'd say the nicest thing is that you're OK with it. His sudden negative feeling about the dress is sort of a mystery to me. I once asked an SO who was VERY adventurous in the bedroom, and she said she'd never had any desire to see me dressed up. I guess I should have been brave enough to let her see me that way and perhaps THEN decide, but I never did. No women that has ever known that part me wanted any part of it. There have been lots of discussions on this forum as to why so many GG's don't like it. If you do, your man should be forever grateful.
Just my humble opinion,
Linda

[Princess Grandpa]

Back when I was deeply in denial I would be overcome by guilt and shame once I "finished". I couldn't get the offending garment off and out of sight soon enough. My wife wasn't involved in those few incidents over the years. I don't know if I could have handled it to be seen.

Last year I had this epiphany that I was a cross dresser and I was able to accept this part of myself. Dressing has a strong sexual component for myself and my wife enjoys it greatly, there is no longer any shame or need to get away from the clothes "After". We enjoy a very active sex life. Dressing doesn't necessarily result in sex and sex doesn't require dressing.

We have been taught our whole lives that a man who would do such a thing is no kind of a man at all. He is a sicko, a freak, a perv! It's hard to get past a lifetime of conditioning. I hope your husband appreciates you. Your a remarkable woman! If it helps; I always knew I would love and accept my son if he were gay. I realized if he were transgendered I would accept him no less. If I can accept this for my son or a stranger I must accept it in myself as well.

I hope he finds peace with this. I hope you both have a lot of fun with it. We certainly are!

Hug
Rita

[Beverley Sims]

I think it is more common than realised.

After a good intimate session it is not uncommon when younger to completely turn off dressing and become the agressive male again.



Until next time sex rears it's ugly head. :)

[cdrachael]

At the moment I live with my ex. strange situation but anyway. I get dressed in clothes I feel comfortable with and we have a few drinks. It sometimes turns into a sexual encounter with my ex initiating the sex. unfortunately allow she is attractive I end up not getting turned on enough for her as in not to be rude but don't get hard. She is o.k. with this and we just hug.. Nut the next day she continues to apologize for her behavior. but I assure her that its fine. This makes me feel bad that she has to apologize I reassure her that we had fun. But at the end of the day it makes me realize that I want a man not a woman.

[CynthiaD]

After great sex, when all the basic urges have been satisfied, for a brief time, we often become asexual, and sexual things become unimportant. This includes the recognition of the difference between men and women. During this brief time, your husband no longer recognized the difference between men and women as being important, and retreated back into his comfort zone. Once the euphoria of sex has worn off, his urge to crossdress will likely return.

[emma-louise]

Yes i know exactly how he felt its happened to me a few times, I have hated myself for being a cd afterwards

[Amylou2014]

To all the people that says this happens to you, what's your age category?
If you don't mind me asking.


Under 20
21-30
30-40
40-50
50+

[Amylou2014]

Thank you for replying

[flatlander_48]

While I am familiar with the concept, it plays out somewhat differently for me and less so than it used to.

65...

[Amylou2014]

So I'm gathering, younger males, or newer cders.....

[Glenda58]

I did when I was younger but now at 66 I just like dressing up.

[Dena]

So I'm gathering, younger males, or newer cders.....

Hi, yeah, I think so. I haven't felt that way in decades!

[Naomi Rayne]

Its hard to pinpoint exactly what the thoughts and feelings are because each person is different. That used to happen to me when i was a kid im 24 now because i didnt know how to deal with liking something that i thought i wasent "supposed" to like because i always thought there was something wrong with me. Its also just possible that its purely sexual for him so once thats done he feels the need to get out of the stuff and go back to being him. Really theres no way of knowing except talking it out with him about what he feels and why he feels what he feels. I do think the younger males as i have just described and new cders because exploring something in the beginning always sends a person through the mental trials and tribulations of trying to understand all sorts of feelings. Even if he was dressing up as a kid feelings that go unsorted can still present themselves years and years later. The good thing i would say is that this is something pretty common that a lot of people experience.

Just talk with him and its likely things will get sorted out, or you will at least hopefully then understand how he feels.