The End of Denial

[Josephine]

This is the first time I have made a post in this section, so Hi to everyone. I am almost 60 years old, and have denied and fought with myself for far to long about what I really am. I have always known i am a woman, but hid it, stuffed it, denied it, and hated myself for it. I have finally decided to change my life around,and try to get some happiness out of life before its too late. I have been living full time as a woman for the past year, and 75% for the year before. I finally realize that it is so much more than looking like a woman, clothes, makeup, etc. I have seen many therapists before, but Friday last week I went to see the intake evaluation therapist at the U. of Minn. Sexual Health Center. It took me almost 5 months to get an appointment with him. He asked me questions for an hour, then we talked for another half hour. In the end he say's, "I am ordering an appointment at one or our Dr.s about hormone therapy for you". They will call you no later than this coming Monday. He also said to let him know when I was ready for any additional steps to transition. I told him, "ASAP I would like to do the SRS, as I am not getting any younger," LOL. He said, "as soon as you are ready", which i think is wonderful! I asked him if he was going to "label" me? He said, "As far as i am concerned, you are transgendered, and a woman. I was so happy it was unbelievable, like a huge brick being taken off my shoulders. He suggested joining a group therapy, or see him again. Do you ladies think group, private therapy, or none at all? Is it an absolute that you must see a therapist, or is it voluntary? Do you think I am weird to think I don't need a therapist?
I don't think I have ever smiled so much in my life as i did on Friday last week. On the way home, I started crying because of all the time I spent being what I am not. I will not feel guilty about it though, because I did raise 2 wonderful daughters. I am really hoping that the hormones will help me, as I have read from other girls on this site, I am ready. Nobody or nothing is going to stop me from being a whole woman.
My brothers, sisters, daughters and some friends think that its probably the right thing for me. My sisters both said that me being a transsexual makes things about my life make a lot more sense to them. Everyone has been so understanding and loving, it makes me feel sad for all the ones that are going through hell with their families and friends. I have read posts here about girls saying that they are 35 and think they are too old to transition. I say you are not too old unless you are dead! At least I will go out a happy girl, instead of a miserable male. Knowing that I am transitioning makes me the happiest girl in the world!! Sorry if i have been ranting, but I had to share this with the world!
Josephine

[Jannis]

I am so happy for you. I wish I had the same prognosis. You really seem to have your support crew together and having made the big step two years ago. You have received validation of your efforts in the past and the struggles with that part of your life is over. There is a new book of life awaiting for you to fill in the blank pages as everything is possible now before you. God Bless You!

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Josephine, :welcom: to the Transsexual forums :hugs:

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I think that the intake therapist had it right when he suggested that you find a support group and also feel free to contact him again.

Some of us may feel we can do it on our own, but it is helpful to have a support group and a therapist in reserve for when you feel the need to work through something with others/someone else.

In my case, I started on my own, joined a support group but only attend infrequently and also have a clinician I can contact for specific help/advice.

[I Am Paula]

Your story echoes mine very closely. Denial is such a powerful thing. I started transition at 54, and I am fast tracking it as much as possible, to allow the time I have left here on earth to be the best of my life.
I used my therapist as a means to an end. I felt I had good support from my own friends, and family. This has worked for me, but were all different. Being a loner, suffering badly from GD, I had learned to cope by myself before. I did join a support/social group. We meet monthly and sometimes we talk about heavy issues, and sometimes more social things. It's just nice being with people who really understand.
I am so glad your transition is going smoothly, and you are happy. I'm glad to say that about mine. Getting there is half the fun.

[Jorja]

Da Nile ends in the Mediterranean Sea. :)

Even though your therapist is confident enough to advance you on towards your goal, do not be afraid to consult with them if and when the pressures of transition mount upon you.

[Rachel Smith]

I started HRT at 57 and remember the relief I felt that day. Enjoy every day of the rest of your true life, I know I do.

[Julie Hall]

Josephine,

Well I am 59 and finally admitted my need for transition to myself after much hemming and hawing along with a healthy dose of fence sitting. I have a doctor but have yet to start hormones, second appointment coming up! I have a private therapist I have been seeing for years as there were issues other than gender to work through.

I too hope hormones help, though self admission for me has done wonders. I intend to continue individual therapy through HRT as there are still some issues I hope to resolve and I trust my therapist.

I wish you the best of luck!

[Josephine]

Thank you all for your advice, and your wishes. I have my first Dr. appointment on August 12th. Seems I have joined many others here in the "waiting" game. There is many more in transition here in Minn. than I had ever known. All I can do is wait my turn I guess. They told me that the first visit requires 45 minutes, that is why it takes so long to get it. I hope it doesn't take another month to get the hormones after that.
Josephine