I can't be the only one. Can I?

[2B Natasha]

I was just looking in the picture section and ran across some pictures of folks out and about with other ladies. Every time I see those pictures I think to myself if I would want to be in them. Almost every time the answer is no. No I don't want to hang out with a bunch of trans folk just because we all fit under one umbrella. I did do that in the beginning and to tell the truth it was ok. But once we both got our legs under us it wasn't what I wanted anymore. We, my wife and I have gone to events in bars and the like, with other ladies. BUt I just don't feel any real connection. with the people or the place. Please don't get me wrong here. There is nothing wrong with the people we just don't seem to be grooving to the same cosmic rhythm about how and what defines life. Now don't get me wrong. I am not delusional and think I am some sorta super model. I'm average if not a bit tall with shoulders that are unusually large. It's more that I find I want to go to the theatre and see a play. Go to dinner and drink wine and talk with my wife. Go shopping. Hit downtown and people watch and drink coffee. The bar scene just isn't my thing and neither are " Support groups " I don't get support groups. Support hose I get, but not groups. I can' figure out what they are supporting? The bars next door that they all go to afterwards perhaps?

So am I the only one who feels this way?

I don't expect many answers.

[Rachael Leigh]

Natasha I totally get it and if I were out and about I would much rather just shop and go do my normal stuff so yeah your not the only one.

[AllieSF]

I think that you will find several people who think like you or in variations/degrees of joining others with like interests. I like to fish, but would hate to fish off the bank next to 10 other people trying to do the same thing. So, you life style choices are yours and may or may not coincide with that of others. No big deal. I only occasionally go to support group meet ups and always have some type of fun. Though I am not a groupie for those types of activities, but occasionally they can be a lot of fun. What I don't get from your post is what you do not get about support groups. What don't you get? They some times offer proactive support in the way of so to speak, tech talks, about dressing, makeup, transgender and transsexual issues and how to talks. They also support by offering a secure locale for people on the trans side to meet up with others like themselves, to get out of the house for the first time, to network, to go shopping with others, to arrange special shopping events at nearby women's stores like Dress barn. They offer special social gathering like dinners, bingo parties, barbeques, formal dances and so on. What is not to get from those activities? Some people like bars, others museums, other support groups, "T" friendly places. To each their own, and no one forces anyone to join or participate or go if they do not like that. You are very fortunate to have a supporting wife. Supporting wives are vary rare as can be seen from this site. It appears to be improving over my 7+ years here, but still has a very long way to go. So, if you did not have a supporting wife and had a DADT situation or did everything secretly, would you then maybe need and actually enjoy a support group? It is OK not to want to participate. As you are not necessarily like a lot of others, the others may not be anywhere like you either. As for going out with other ladies, us without a significant other or with one who does not participate with us, then it is very nice to go out with someone of like mind to enjoy the real world. I do that all the time. Now, I am not a fan of big groups when out. I go out more than a few times with people with whom I want to go out with. If I do not click well with someone, then I may limit my times out with them, because I like to be drama free and that includes my own drama of being out with someone I would rather not be out with. Sorry for the long paragraph, but for whatever reason my "Return" key does not work on this site today. Is it a site glitch?

[Karren J]

your not the only one,

the best analogy I can give you is runners. When your on a trail you'll see cat runners and dog runners, the cats are alone and all they are there for is the run no companions just the iPod and the trail and they are happy. The dogs are in groups where everyone is talking and laughing and having a great time together and they just also happen to be on a trail, they too are happy. Neither type is wrong and both are happy with their choices. As for me I'm a cat and this is all about me, my goal is being feminine not being around people who are feminine. If in the course of doing my thing I happen to run into some others fine but that doesn't bother me either way.

So after all that blah blah I'm with you.

Meow

[Samantha Clark]

Kelly said it. I'm a cat person too.

Meow (and purrr).

[Christen]

I like Kelly's analogy. We're all different and we should celebrate that as much as anyone, possibly a fraction more.

Christen x

[Aleca]

You are not alone. I found myself feeling out of place in support groups and in clubs. Went to these places several times in the late 90's and didn't really connect with anyone that well and would ask myself what could be wrong with me?- wanting for years to come out of the closet and now that I was somewhat out didn't want to be out. What I realize later on is that I am an introvert by nature so even if was hanging around transgender folk would feel out of place. For one, going to clubs I could not carry on a conversation as I could not hear anybody.

[Taylor Ray]

This wonderful post should be honored!

Yes, perhaps it is real after all: truth can be found within each individual's sacred journey.

We are all Holy, as individuals.

Mobs, however, are....

[2B Natasha]

@Allie

It's not what I don't get so much as the times I have been to a support group, I didn't feel it was anything more then a stitch and bitch session. So to say. Nothing real productive happened and the meeting. So perhaps the meeting in your area are better then mine, which I wouldn't put beyond the mark. Or perhaps I went a a particularly bad time in the group as the dynamic was changing.

Yes we are all cats and dogs with different coats on that is for sure.

Cheers

[kimdl93]

I'm somewhere in between, like you, I'm not a all that much into clubbing, it I do enjoy quiet conversations at LGBT friendly bars. I have no aversion to getting out with other TG people. At the same time I really would like to do things en femme with my wife.

I've never been in a formal support group. I am seriously considering joining the local Tri-ess chapter! not as a support group! but as a social outlet. I do think it would be fun and positive to get out and socialize en femme.

[RenneB]

Great topic. I like the best of both worlds. As I'm generally out and about "mainstreaming", I do get to met up with other girls from this site on occasion. The group has really brought me out and I try to be at their functions to tell others of my journey...not to mention they really are a great group of friends.

Renne.....

[AllieSF]

Thanks for the reply. I totally get that some people, and even me to a point, are not into groups. Yes, I think that it may be the specific group that you met. I have experienced and read about so many good groups out there that have their routine moments and then their truly fun moments for one and all including the wives. The River City Gems group in Sacrament, California is one such group. The other good things about groups is that one can meet others with similar interests beyond crossdressing that may be a type of binding ingredient that let's one be themselves outside the group with a sidekick with whom they have something else in common, and some type of connection that can lead to being friends. I am not trying to sell groups here, but just trying to say that it may very well be the quality of the group that makes it work for most or not. One interesting thing that I noticed when I went was that very few times does the subject of crossdressing, clothes and makeup really come up. I personally, being curious and thirsty for knowledge of how people and couples deal with all this, ask a lot of direct questions in those areas and get into some very interesting, enlightening and very open and honest conversations that have helped me better understand, and have helped me to help others who are trying to come to terms with themselves or their SO's.

[Alice Torn]

Natasha, I agree . I am not a bar person, and don't like all the drinking, and loudness. i would rather go to a symphony, or quieter lounge or someithing like that.

[Kate Simmons]

I guess it all depends on what you like to do with it. Personally, I love going to the club en femme and dancing all night. The energy is unbelievable. Otherwise I'm perfectly content with being an older gentleman.:battingeyelashes::)

[lingerieLiz]

While I'm on this site quite a bit. I'm not here to become cd friends. I'm not really a joiner in the first place. My wife and I have friends with similar interests which we associate with. Our friendships are based on doing things and not on sexual orientation, color, nationality, or any other umbrellas.

I have no problem with support groups, some people need them and like them, but not me.

[Adriana Moretti]

I'm with Kate.....I LOVE going out dancing and hitting clubs...I do that in BOTH modes...support groups..ehhh...booorriinggg....going out shopping dressed, etc..to me is just as boring... dinners are fun though......everyone is different. I can see how all these options can seem unappealing to some... i would REALLY love to go to a sporting event dressed. Yankees/ Knicks/ Jets ..I have yet to get the courage up for that though btw...if you are ever in ny there is a group that goes to plays, resturants, art museums that kinda thing. When it comes to other girls...we are ALL different, and all unique...you have to appreciate that fact and accept them for them...everyone is into what they are into...I learn from others all the time, and find everyones story,journey etc interesting.

[Beverley Sims]

Natasha,
You only see a small selection of diversity here.
Yes there are many others that would like to find the right niche.

That is why there are support groups.

You can network there.

[sometimes_miss]

In the real world, I don't get along with men very well; sure, I understand them, but for the most part, I never belonged to the horny guy herd that likes to get intoxicated and thinks of women as just something to have sex with and move on. I also hate the almost constant competitive underlying atmosphere of who's the toughest, who's the smartest, who's the most successful, etc.. Even at the one support group meeting that I went to, there was all that going on. Conversation always drifted to work, sports, and of course those who were interested in finding out if I was interested in dating men. The support I need or could offer wasn't ever going accepted there. That was my one and only visit. It seemed that crossdressing was the only thing I had in common with the people there, and that simply wasn't enough, mostly because our reasons for crossdressing seemed to be different as well.

[audreyinalbany]

I've gotta agree. I'm not into crowds, or bars, or clubs; I'm not really interested in hanging out with other cross dressers either. ideally, I'd like to have a smallish group of GG's to hang out with, go to theater, movies, museums, lunch.

[emily606]

Natasha,

Since my first crossdressing experience was extremely humiliating, I'm a lot more like you. I mostly crossdress in private. I haven't been seen by anyone in over 20 years. I have no desire to bring shameful attention to myself. While I don't believe it's shameful to crossdress, I do think that if I dressed up and put myself out there, I'd be asking for it because I'd simply look awful and I just don't want that for myself.

[Karan]

No, Natasha. you arn't the only one who feels that way.:)

[Wildaboutheels]

Nah, hardly. I'm hardly antisocial, I get along fine with most everyone at work, I love to watch and listen to people but I simply have no need or desire to hang out with/do stuff with friends regardless of/it has nothing to do with how I am dressed.

Now... IF I had any friends interested in tennis or racquetball, who lived within a reasonable distance, I would be up for that. But I really can't think of anything other than that. I have been married "more than once" and been in my fair share of LTRs, but reached the conclusion that "Dogs are a man's best friend". A dog can give one ALMOST everything a woman can... with very few of the "compromises" and "concessions" that go with the territory.

BUT, having said all that, I don't try to "present as female"/dress to "pass" so my input is probably worthless...

[Ressie]

Natasha, it sounds like you've been there and done that and prefer to go out en femme with your wife to quieter restaurants. I can understand that, but I'm not there yet. As a closet CD I've only dressed out of the house 3 times, and each were among other CDs. I enjoyed meeting and talking with others similar to me. I've spent much of my life in bars, so I'm comfortable in them. I'm even more comfortable with others that I can relate to. Love it!

I haven't had the experience of going to a whiny support group. But it doesn't sound like my cup of tea.

[Marcelle]

Hi Natasha . . . you are not alone. I prefer to just do what I do with no real agenda. I like to go out and people watch in the malls or at a Starbucks. I like to walk around the stores and just browse, go to hardware stores and pick-up paint for weekend projects, go to the movies. So I just like being out and about on my own terms. I would like to get out to a bar for dancing (on my bucket list) but I also like going to a jazz bar and just listening to the music with good friends (GGs and GMs).

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

Natasha I'm glad you've posted this thread, it's so easy to get caught up with the crowd and think your missing out !
I haven't experienced the things you have but I can understand what you're saying. You like to dress as you choose and go about the things you would normally do, but can't see the need to do it as part of a group, it's not what you want from your CDing.
I feel exactly the same, I only really dress around the house when I'm alone, I would love my wife to accept it, so I can be comfortable going out with her. I don't want to embarrass her or use her as a prop, I want to enjoy how I feel and share it with her.
I suppose many CDers wish for that and turn to support groups as the next best thing, possibly for many it works for them. Support groups wouldn't survive if people didn't enjoy using them and we should be grateful for the time people devote to running them, I don't think it's for me but if it's the only way I can get out maybe I should try one. The fact is it's never going to happen with my wife.
I certainly don't think your comments are weird !!

[Tina G]

I'm interested in mixing it up, going alone at times, being with real girl friends of mine and finding a support group if possible.. it's still an adventure for me.

Tina

[Saepe]

I'm very introverted, so I don't like hanging out with people or forming cliques in general. It's awkward to me, trans/CD or not. I'm perfectly fine joining support groups on the internet and leaving it at that, both for this and for other things (like game development, which I'm into).

That said, as I'm writing this, I'm sitting in my office at work wearing lipstick, women's shoes and androgynous clothes. People have accepted that I like to dress androgynously and don't make a big deal of it, so I can get away with it at work and in public. I have yet to appear in public in a dress, skirt or with bra and forms, though.

[LRoberts]

Kelly, what a great description!!
I seem to be a cat person also. I think most of the ladies on this site are cat people. I know I've been a loaner most of my life. Even when I'm in a group of people, I've felt not completely a part of the group. (This is just my opinion).

[2B Natasha]

Thanks for all the responses. I knew I wasn't alone in this think but it's always nice to know it instead of just believe with no facts to prove it.

Regarding the cat and dog analogy. I find that I am both but at different times. I do like groups of people and routinely organize GNO events. I wish more of my friends did the same. It would seem that I am in that age where people just don't really want to go out and do anything. My fantasy football group, that I have known since I was 6 years old. We only get together now for a draft. In the old days we would do EVERYTHING together. Now it's like pulling teeth. Same with my girlfriends. If I don't organize it, it ain't happening. BUt here in lies that issue that i become a cat. If it isn't my wife then I go alone because it's to dang hard to get people to do anything. PLus my wife is game for just about anything. SO off we go. I strike a balance of girl/boy time going out with her and out we go!