The DADT explained

[Secret Drawer]

The DADT or Don't ask Don't tell relationship is sometimes confused by what I read in threads on occasion. There are a few things that are important to understanding them. One is that if you have not told your spouse, it is NOT a DADT relationship! The don't tell part is regarding talking about your adventures or related things to CDing. It is not "I haven't told my SO." Therefore, for those who have the idea that a DADT is lying to your SO, it isn't. The CD has come clean and the SO chosen not to be a part of it, there is no lying in that. For the SO, it isn't a matter of burying ones head in the sand, it is more a rather not encourage the behavior or simply a turn off. Thus the SO wishes not to participate.
In its least favorable form, the SO knows about the CD, but the CD is pretty much regulated to the closet. At least if there are some stray fragments around you don't have to fear being questioned about it... In its highest form, the CD can basically do as they please as long as it doesn't involve the SO, sort of a don't want to see it or hear about it, but if they walk in on you in a skirt it won't stop the world.
In my case, I have my closet fully exposed if my SO wishes to explore it, or even borrow something! Everything goes in the wash without question, even skirts, etc. BUT... she does not want to "particularly" see me dressed, although she has walked in on me a few times and said nothing one way or another. I also pretty much work out in femme stuff and we often work out together, so I guess she is used to it because it is never questioned or negatively effects our relationship.
There is something to be said for truly loving someone unconditionally!

[Amanda L.]

Thanks for the explanation. I was wondering about what DADT meant but thought it might have been silly to ask
Cheers
Amanda

[Teresa]

SD ,
I'm slightly confused by your Cding situation your wife is silently accepting your accidental encounters and is ignoring your dressing when doing workouts. Is she totally happy because it makes you happy or will she suddenly blow a gasket one day and let you know what she really thinks ?

[Beverley Sims]

It all comes down to a level of tolerance.
While you dont push the boundaries maybe your wife tolerates the situation.

Start pushing the boundaries and asking her to partake in your activities may be the straw that breaks the camels back.

[Secret Drawer]

Teresa, Beverley Sims has it exactly right, while I am extremely patient, I don't push boundaries. I imagine that over time my wife will relax a bit as she sees no ultimate harm in what I do. Since she knows I am crossdressing, and I do not hide that from her, she doesn't put too much stock into seeing me if in a mistimed situation. I do not push it or force it on her.
One thing I left out was the big problem with DADT's, which is moving forward. If you never can really talk about it or work together with it, you can't progress in that particular place. In other words, it is tough to come out to other members of the family when the wife doesn't want to know much about it herself!

[Nyla F]

Good explanation SD. I think it is worth mentioning that in DADT it is important to agree to what the boundaries are. Generally when you first tell your spouse about your crossdressing you explain the extent of your activities. If you enter into DADT at that point, it is safe to say that it only covers the activities already disclosed. If you start out admitting to just underdressing and the SO says OK as long as she doesn't have to see it, then you can't add dresses, forms, and a wig without negotiating new boundaries. It is really difficult to have those discussions because you know she doesn't want to talk about it. The bottom line is in DADT you do have to "tell" enough to establish boundaries -- only then can you start the "don't tell".