Analyze or enjoy?

[Kate Simmons]

I think sometimes we tend to want to analyze and figure out why we CD as that is the nature of the human "beast" to question ourselves. I know I used to wonder and get to the point of being anxious as to why I did it. I've established, for myself at least, that is has to do with addressing deep feelings that were buried long ago and were not considered proper (at that time) for a boy to have. Funny how some things seem to stick with us all our lives. At some point, however, after accepting my feelings and taking ownership of them I decided to just enjoy the CDing and let the chips fall where they may. I'm not overly self consuming and self centered and care a great deal for my friends and family. There are a couple of threads going on as to disclosure prior to marriage and the like so we won't go there.

Suffice it to say I've pretty much stopped trying to analyze it for the most part and simply enjoy it. While I know questioning our own motives is a basic part of the human condition, I refuse to beat myself over the head about something that seems to be a very basic part of me. Too much time wasted in that respect when I could be putting the time to better use.So my question here is: "Do you analyze your CDing or just enjoy it?" Happliy I've decided to do the latter. :)

[cdterri]

Just enjoy to the max!

[jackie_p]

Earlier in life I beat myself up over it, a LOT. But since the internet, the availability of much more information, and especially this forum, I have dropped
most of the analysis and just try my best to enjoy it as often as I can. Life is SOOOOOOOO much better now.

[Sherlyn]

The only thing I tend to analyze Kate is my look in the mirror.. :D..before I go out the door...:)..can say 90% of the time I do enjoy ..but there is always that 10%..to be cautious of ..lol

[Krististeph]

Well spoken Kate. Personally, for me, I think there are different levels of questions... sunch as how much of being a cd relates to how much i question existence in general, etc. but then i have always liked the big questions. It's a personal thing, but i do agree that one can run the risk of letting it take over your life or actions if one does not consciously remain aware that it is self indulgent to analyze ones self, and like any indulgence, must be consciously overseen or it can have an abnormal or unacceptable amount of adverse effects.

Being a cd for me is really basic- it's what I am, I agree, and i don't need to analyze it to feel okay with it (any more), but it is interesting, the depth of its being part of me i think is a good argument for the correlation of the fundamental level of the biology- the BSTc region of the thalamus- a very primitive part of the brain- explains the depth of the feeling- very much a part of one's self; rather than an adopted affectation...

You may choose to analyze or simply enjoy it; (or) "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice..." (apologies to Neil Peart)

(It's funny, RUSH fans are mostly male, yet I seem to run into a great many CDs who none the less, like me, are very fond of Alex, Geddy and Neil. I guess music appreciation is not linked to the stria terminalis of the thalamus in the brain... :-) )

[Marcelle]

Hi Kate . . . at first I sure did analyze. When that trigger was tripped a year ago and Isha made her presence known loud and clear . . . mass confusion on my part :eek::confused:. After all I was a guy . . . what on earth would possess me to want to dress like a woman? So I did the typical "why" thing with my therapist, explored my childhood, my young adulthood, my sexual experiences past/present, my relationship with my wife , etc. etc. all to answer "Why?" You know what I discovered . . . I can't answer it, science can't answer it, psychology can't answer it . . . in fact it is all guess work and conjecture with various hypothesis but no solid literature/theories.

So I could either remain dug in on the exposed flank and beat myself up about why or just push right, embrace Isha as part of me, incorporate her in my life and go on living. Like you my friend . . . I choose to enjoy as life is too short to worry about why. :)

Hugs

Isha

[Katey888]

Nicely put, Kate.... :)

It is the nature of the human beast to analyse and, unfortunately, to feel a need to judge too...

Be nice if we could all park both for a time and practice a little 'live and let live'... ;)

Perhaps threads should be colour coded for 'fun' and 'ferapy' (sorry... :D) - that way we could easily follow or avoid the weighty issues...

Katey x

[hope springs]

The precise moment i realized i was a CDer, i knew withn minutes why. Once i knew why i realized it was going to be a part of me into the forseeable future.
So i never needed to ask why and was free to let it work through me. Understanding why doesnt mean it goes away. For people like myself its there for a very healthy reason. It also has some very positive "side affects" like understanding women a little better

[LANKO]

I feel like the two aren't mutually exclusive. I enjoy analyzing this aspect of my life.. and if anything, I can always play the "for science!!" card later. :P

[CarlaWestin]

Earlier in life I beat myself up over it, a LOT. But since the internet, the availability of much more information, and especially this forum, I have dropped
most of the analysis and just try my best to enjoy it as often as I can. Life is SOOOOOOOO much better now.

Yep, that's me, alright. After a gruelling week at work, I just went to bed at 6:00pm last night fully exhausted. No nightie, no boobies, no panties. Just dead, deep dream, well deserved sleep. I woke up fully refreshed at 3:00am and dressed in jean skirt, gray wife beater t-shirt, cross-trekker flats, long brown curly wig and flowing 38L with sz24. Big jiggly boobies. Why? It makes me happy. I went out for a hour and a half walk. Around the subdivision I live in, out the gate, down the road to a shopping center and back. Still dressed and buxom I'm having a couple of beers. The sun's up now so I walk outside and check the mail box. Love the feeling of the crisp morning air (80F) on my legs and arms. I'm way past the analysing part. Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, a therapist told me that crossdressing was just excess baggage to carry through life. I think analysing it is the baggage.

Come on, look at this picture. No make-up, just a smile.

[ReluctantDebutant]

Analyzing and beating oneself up are two different things. Beating yourself up is telling yourself to stop out of self-loathing, analyzing is asking yourself why out of curiosity. Like most I would beat myself up about this early on. Then I gave that up to just enjoy it. But I wasn't really enjoying it. It took analyzing it to figure out what CDing was and where it should be in my life. Now I am finding happiness.

[Secret Drawer]

I think I have learned to go with the flow as I have learned to accept myself warts and all. Thus analysis is not the forefront of my thinking (anymore!). However, as I enter new stages of "being me" and wanting full disclosure out and about, I find that my SO, and the countless others that surely will ask will want to know "why?" and so I do spend some time coming up with different ways of (maybe) explaining it... So for me, it is a non issue in my brain, but for the rest of the world... inquiring minds need to know!

[bridget thronton]

Once I got past fearing exposure I was able to accept it was part of my being and enjoy the experience. Of course having an accepting wife, children, and close friends helped a great deal too.

[Jaylyn]

Kate I try to just be myself and do what I want. It is easy with an accepting wife. I do for my family's sake keep it on the low. One has to living in a small town in West Texas. I love getting all dolled up and doing the house work and the underdressing when I do have to run into town. I'm lucky that I don't live in town so have a small bit of privacy on the farms we own. I have resigned to the fact I will more than likely never go out fully dressed. I live those going out stories thru the forum here. I just enjoy the dressing as I have stated many times, I love my heels and especially the makeup. Hosiery and silky under clothes still makes me smile as they just feel good and still takes me back to my childhood. Over all I just enjoy what I have. I don't stress about anything but making my bills, and trying to stay in the best health my wife and I can at the soon to be age of 65.

[Beverley Sims]

Kate,
Analyse my CDing?

Not any more, I have too many other interesting things to do. :)

[Shawn_Always]

Hi Kate! I've been dressing off and on most of my life but it wasn't until recently, after starting to talk about it with my wife, that I REALLY started "analyzing" it. It has been a whirlwind of emotions since then. At the present I am limiting my dressing to underdressing especially since I currently have a very limited wardrobe and because the subject is still so "new" to my wife. I'm pretty sure that analysis will be on some sort of "continuum" but that doesn't mean that I'm not also going to enjoy it! Great, thought provoking question!

Shawn_always.

[Daisy41]

I definitely enjoy it more than I analyze it. But it took a long time to find myself in it all. Once I got to a point where I realized that the female "side" of me wasn't a side at all and that I wasn't living two identities, I worked heard to mentally merge Daisy and my male self together. Now I'm always Daisy, I'm always Travis and I love it so much. I think what's helped is I've met people in person who only know me as Daisy, nothing else - but they're getting the same person regardless. It's amazing and makes me so happy!

[JoanneCDSydney]

i am so still going through the analysing stage.. i do know when i don't analyse i enjoy so much more. Analysing my dressing then turn into guilt and sham.. don't want that.... then i run away from who i am.

[Alice Torn]

I am beating myself up generally less than earlier. but still analyze too much, and still have guilt and shame, because of religious teaching totally against it.

[kimdl93]

I have gotten past that endless loop of asking why. You mention self acceptance. It seems that "why" is less important once a person simply accepts "it" because it is. In other words, this is my reality. So I deal with it.

In some sense, fixating on the question why is sort of the inverse of the endless and wildly fanciful "what if" scenarios we ruminate over. The "if" can never happen, so why bother thinking about it. Better to make the best of what is rather than dream about what if.

[Tracii G]

I quit worry about the whys of it all and just enjoy my other side.

[Emi_]

Around here, analysis feels less like like self-realization and more like trying to figure out the secret combination to being a successful cross-dresser. Many threads are full of people wanting to know the exact steps to passing or looking a certain way or getting spouses to allow the dressing.

Certainly, it is only natural to ask the great "why's" of life. At some point, however, you quit worrying about it and just move forward. It does no good to live in a past that even scientists, psychologists, and the other great minds have not figured out. Better to make peace with what is and figuring out how to do the most good with it.

[samantha rogers]

I think it is good to remember that the point of therapy is to enable one to come to terms with themself and learn to be happier with their life and who they are. At least that's my view. If deep analysis helps someone do that, great. If not and just learning to accept without learning the reasons works then thats great, too. Whatever helps an individual to move on seems to be a plus to me. We are all very complicated individuals and one size never fits all. But many who CD or are TG in any form have other issues which, while they do not cause the gender issue, are wrapped up with it in causing that person distress in one form or another. A good therapist can assist in sorting out the coexisting issues and helping in ways beyond just coming to accept the gender issue.
Sadly, the people most in need of this are often the ones most resistant to admitting that.

[Marsha My Dear]

Hi all, since I turned 60 this year I have been almost completely unwilling to bring on the 'Why' questions anymore. I work on the 'Is' stuff, trying to make what's existant as good as I can make it. I think about, and work on my marriage most of all. The rewards that flow from that are amazing. Don't beat yourself up on the mysterious, dig in and make it happen.

[Frédérique]

I think sometimes we tend to want to analyze and figure out why we CD as that is the nature of the human "beast" to question ourselves.

Aren’t we supposed to be the first (and only) self-aware living organism? Every other living thing just seems to “get on with it,” whatever it may be…


While I know questioning our own motives is a basic part of the human condition, I refuse to beat myself over the head about something that seems to be a very basic part of me. Too much time wasted in that respect when I could be putting the time to better use. So my question here is: "Do you analyze your CDing or just enjoy it?"

I just enjoy it. I only analyze it HERE because a space has been conveniently provided…:heehee:

[JustChris]

I have to say I've just really started to enjoying this part of me since I'm not having to hide it. I've started being a little more brave as to what I wear, and as Marshamydear said I'm making sure my marriage is strong and I keep my wife happy. I'm still a little concerned as to what my friends & other family would say, but I'll cross that bridge when (if) I get to it.

[Melissa_59]

I once read in a rather amusing science fiction book that "Overanalysis of one's rationality is an excellent indicator that one should have their rationality analyzed..."

I stopped trying to understand it and just embraced it. Now I don't beat my head against the monitor over this anymore.

I beat my head against the monitor about other things, and wow do I go through monitors quickly... darned flat panels, they can't take a beating like my old CRTs could!

~Mel

[Gardener]

Perhaps it is not a clear choice between analysing and accepting/ enjoying. Maybe the acceptance and enjoyment comes through analysis whether it be by self or assisted? I struggled for years with so many negative feelings because of this desire, wanting to understand why, to explain to myself, maybe to make it okay. In the end I realised that I would probably never understand why. I disclosed, it went badly initially and is still not wanted by my partner, but I find ways to make a personal statement that this is part of me. I will never reach an end point as some of you have but but my journey is no longer so anxiety ridden.