Point and Laugh

[Aly Cat]

So my GG roommate and I decided to go to home depot to get a key made and when we were coming out, there was a car passing that literally stopped in the middle of the road and the two people started to point and laugh at me. It was very hurtful. I was in girl mode with a normal tank top, jeans, and hair pulled back. They just thought it was the funniest thing to see me walking to my car. It saddens me greatly. People like that are very hurtful and don't consider what that does to others. Im making an effort to lift my spirits by going to AppleBees with my roommate and enjoying our evening. It's tough, but I carry on... Keep on keepin on...

[Michelle (Oz)]

That's a shame Eva Lynn - the opposite effect of an unsolicited compliment. That which doesn't destroy us makes us stronger.

[Lorileah]

Look around and see what they are laughing at.

Really ignore them, you can't cure stupid

[Robin777]

I'm sorry to hear that happened. Don't let it get to you. You have those type of people everywhere. Just remember what comes around goes around. Their behavior will eventually bite them in the A-- someday. I hope the rest of your evening went better. Don't let it get to you. All we can hope is someday the world will change and there will be mutual respect.

[Emi_]

Welcome to the perils of acting on your principles. i have been spit on, called a f*g, groped, stared at, laughed at, called "sir" very loudly, and so on and so forth. I honestly don't care anymore, but it is par for the course when we step outside of what others consider "normal." Sure, none of it is justified or necessary, but the trolls get their delights where they can. Best to just carry on about your business as best you can and understand that it has everything to do with their own ignorance and insecurities and nothing to really do with you.

[GretchenJ]

Hi Eva

Sorry for your horrible experience today. As Ron White says perfectly: "you can't fix stupid". Try not to allow 2 idiots spoil your day - they are simply not worth the bother

Gretchen

[hope springs]

Take satisfaction your living your life on your own terms. And im assuming it makes you happy to do so.
Of course its hurtful sweety. Those morons probably grinned to themselves for a couple of miles but went on with their miserable lives.
Take pride in who you are and the ignorant barbs of the public cant sting.

[Aly Cat]

Thank you all. I had a lovely time at Applebee's. We just got home. This sting is lingering in the back of my mind and no matter what I do, it won't go away. I hope some sleep helps. Goodnight all.

[RenneB]

This lifestyle takes a thick skin. I too have had my share of set backs. From "you can't go in there" as I was headed to the ladies restroom to "OMG it's one of them" from a pair of 20 something's at the department store. I know it's hard, but don't let this get you down.

Renne........

[Robin777]

Just don't let it eat at you. That is the worst thing you can do. Just compartmentalize it and put it away in the back of your mind. Remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[Saepe]

I was at a party yesterday, dressed in drab, when my best friend casually mentioned how she thinks I'd be more handsome with shorter hair. This was one comment, and there were multiple people I had just met previous and afterward who commented on how beautiful my hair is. Yet, when my friend tells me she thinks I should cut my hair, it feels bad more than all of the compliments felt good. Part of it's the closeness of our friendship, but I think it's also human nature to see the negatives more than the positives.

I had to fight back the urge to explain to my friend that I've hated her haircut for over a year now. It's not my business how she cuts her hair, especially since we're platonic friends, so I bit my tongue and held back.

I think the take-away is that people are going to hurt you. That's why we have friends and communities to support us. We can be bigger than the people who hurt us, whether they meant to hurt or not.

[PaulaQ]

I'm really sorry you had that experience Eva. Really, the best advice I can give you is to just ignore people like that. Ultimately, who cares what some obnoxious person thinks? They don't know you, they don't know what you are going through, and even if they did - they'd probably still be jerks. Learning to ignore this stuff will make your life more pleasant. I know full well that's far easier said, than done. Best of luck, hon.

[Katey888]

Eva - that's too bad... You should try not to let it get to you... 'Ignore the ignorant' I say...

I like to think of something karmic or Darwinian happening to them... like, running themselves over while working on their own car... that type of thing - always puts a smile back on my face... :devil:

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Eva and I am very sorry to hear about your experience. Unfortunately that is the price we pay for being who we need to be among the Vanilla world. I know it is hard to not have that experience floating around in the back of your mind but if you compare that to all the good interactions you have had the bad truly do lead a "Mayfly existence" in our world. The best you can do is ignore people like that as they are truly ignorant and probably lead a sad and pathetic life. It is likely they would laugh and point at a homeless person, a person in a wheelchair if only to make themselves feel superior. I find a smile in their direction with eye contact normally unnerves these morons and allows you get on with your day.

Keep positive sweetie.

Hugs

Isha

[stephNE]

It is surprising to see how insensitive some people can be. Cheer up and keep going. There are good times ahead too.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Eva, You just can't fix STUPID, There's no cure for it.

[Ressie]

Most people are funny looking even without crossdressing. I remember kids laughing their asses off in the car next to me because I was wearing a cowboy hat. Even though I was totally in male mode, I felt the same as you Eva. You can't control other's reactions, in fact you should expect some people will react in a similar fashion.

[MissTee]

Sorry to hear you had such a rotten encounter. Insensitive, yes, and unfortunately that's the world we live in. Hugs!

[PretzelGirl]

Eva, as a teen, I struggled to fit in. The one thing that I always told myself and I use it still is "It does not matter what others think of you, but only what you think of yourself".

[alwayshave]

Eva, I am very sorry that you had to suffer at the hands of those troglodytes. The good news is you had a nice dinner with a good friend and they were stuck with each other.

[kimdl93]

I'm astonished at the stupidity and indecency of these two individuals. Their behavior is inexcusable. Of course they enjoy the luxury of anonymity for the moment. But perhaps some day soon, they or someone they care about will be ridiculed and they will begin to know how it feels.

[Nicole Erin]

Never had that happen to me before (sarcasm)
I am assuming it was two men? Or at least one man?
In this case, it might be better that you didn't pass and here is why -
First of all - if they detected you, that means they were checking you out. What if it had been two GG's they saw who they thought were cute? Men who harass women are a threat. They are the type of men that make necessary things like women's self defense classes, sex offender registry, etc. Those type of men are NOT human.

I know this is just a pipe dream fantasy but what if the same people had something horrible happen to them a moment later? Of course we cannot be fortunate enough to see something like that happen but if I ever did, I would run over and laugh at them and say "Oh my Go it's Karma at work!"

Forgot - If you ask pretty much anyone who has faced ridicule, you will find that the ones who run their mouths are usually the low-lives of society. I know it is still annoying to hear it from anyone but try to remember the ones talking crap are the same types who are rejects anyways, the type of people that no one wanted their kids hanging out with, the ones who cannot get jobs cause of their criminal record, inability to read and write, etc...

[adrienner99]

"This sting is lingering in the back of my mind and no matter what I do, it won't go away."

Insults we hear when dressed come from people who are afraid of anything different, afraid that if they don't laugh at us their friends will think they are gay...The hurt doesn't really ever go away and it is ALWAYS a risk when we go out. The only advice I have is this: You can't control what people say, but you can control how it affects you. Those idiots forgot the encounter the next day. Going out in public dressed as a woman takes a hell of a lot more courage than anything they've ever don't in their meaningless, cowardly lives.

[Michellegryl]

Eva I am very sorry you had to experience such ignorance and stupidity, those two idiots probably have a combined IQ of 100. You cannot let such ignorance get to you because they cannot help them selves. Just remember, you are living life on your terms and are being true to your self. People like that are forced to live the lives others dictate for them because they do not have the intelligence to do it on their own. Isha is right, all you need to do is make eye contact and give them a nice smile, it will shut them down and they will leave confused. You are a beautiful human being, and I know it can be hard, but don't let those morons get to you. Consider the source and move on!

Hugs
Michelle

[Barbara Jo]

Sadly, meanness has now permeated many aspects of our society.
kids/ younger people are now taught (by example) that meanness is perfectly acceptable towards those who you do not agree with.

[Sarah L]

I have found that people will try to make you feel bad about yourself if their lives totally suck. Somehow bringing you down to their level of existence (or trying to) makes them feel better about themselves.

That comes from my own personal experience. If it wasn't a TG peson, they would find something else. They want you to feel as bad about yourself as they do themselves.

When someone does something like this, it's like a sign over their head saying "I am a miserable human being and I have nothing going on in my life. I am completely worthless."

But then again, who knows? Maybe if you were to run into one of these people without the other, they might apologize for their actions.

If they see they can't stop you from living your life and being happy, they will probably move on to the next person. Maybe someone with a disability or of a different color.

But this is one way to make progress, we need to show people that we aren't going away.


They can only have an effect on our lives if we let them.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Eva, I too am sorry you're having trouble dealing with this. You got some great feedback in this thread. But ya know, even in drab I've had people snicker around me. Maybe it's my mannerisms or the way I vocally express myself. Screw 'em! I'm just being myself. Imagine being in rough redneck territory.

Here's another thought -- How would you like to hold a public office position? Living in a smaller town I've seen politicians get skewered to no end and that includes people managing service offices like building inspector. A certain selectboard member's name was on many lips in a negative way. He really got his back stabbed. Your incident was small and brief but I realize it affected you in a big way. Imagine what public figures go through. Maybe a bad comparison but it's only my perspective.

Cheryl

[Farrah]

I can imagine the hurt. The ignorance of some people. You should've smiled and waved at them.

[Alice Torn]

Knuckle draggers everywhere, sadly. Eva, your idea, about looking around, when they point, is great! "Hang them by their own petard" Or their own words and pointing!

I went to an auto junkyard last wee, with shorts on that go below the knees, and a cowboy shirt on, The guys next in line, were snickering at me, and i was not in lady clothes! Jerks are all over the place. Civility seems to be in decline.

[Aly Cat]

Im feeling better today. I just meet my new neighbors and it looks like they are going to be awesome! They are a lesbian couple who are the sweetest people ever. We chatted for about a half hour and I think we all clicked really well. My roommate was like... You have no idea how happy it makes me that we have lesbians living next to us. She is straight, but loves diversity and is one of the most awesome people I have ever met. I like our new neighborhood. I see good things in my future.

[kathrynt21]

Eva-
I am so sorry to hear you had to deal with that. However, it says more about them than it does about you. Making someone else feel less than is covering their discomfort with themselves.
When feeling bad or low the best thing some people think they can do is make someone feel worse than they do. Keep being you. You are lovely and authentic.

[tightsplease1986]

Hi Eva, firstly can I just say how pretty you are :) I'm amazed anyone figured out you were a crossdresser. I have been out in public dressed as a girl many times now and I do get some stares, a few silly comments and occasionally some idiots laugh (usually because they don't understand the concept of it) but all of the people near and dear to me have been so amazingly supportive of me and more than anything else I get told I have great legs. I'm 6'2'' and have long legs but this doesn't always mean nice legs but some have even said they are jealous of them! It is so wonderful to be able to go out and about as a girl, don't mind anyone who laughs etc because they are just fools who can't handle different.

Gracie xx

[Kate Simmons]

When others point at us, three fingers are always pointing back at them. "Nuff said!:)

[Eryn]

The next time that happens try what I do when someone seems to be paying me too much attention: Move closer to them. At a distance you are an object. Close up they have to acknowledge your humanity. The confidence you display does wonders for passibility!

[Aly Cat]

Because of where the car was located, I had to walk right past them. As I passed, I looked at the person in the passenger side. It was a girl and she was just staring and laughing. I had noticed them obviously earlier when I was in front of the car, but I never once acknowledged them. I looked at her with a blank face. I am very good at hiding my expressions. After I passed the car, they drove on. Im good at not showing emotions but I'm not so good at not feeling them.

[Amanda22]

Eva, I'm sorry you experienced that rude and hate-filled behavior. You know you don't deserve that (no one does, of course), but it doesn't mean you don't feel terrible about it. Thank you for going out in public. I thank all of us who have the courage to dress outside the home. Doing so really brings awareness, although it's painful around idiots. I'm reminded of the bravery of African Americans in the 1960s who, for instance, had the audacity to sit at the diner counter beside whites. I recently saw film of whites surrounding them and yelling/pointing at them while they tried to eat. I can't imagine the courage that took. That's what I think of when I'm out in public and someone notices a tall, big, masculine "girl." I have it pretty easy if the worst that happens is getting laughed at. It's the least I can do to bring about social change. I'm not trying to minimize your experience, Eva, but rather trying to give you perspective and a tool you can use next time.

[Nicole Erin]

Notice they were in the car when they had to be smart asses.
I am surprised that woman said anything or laughed honestly. Some GG's who have no problems running their mouths at males tend to cower if there is another GG about. Reason is, If there is another GG around, the smart-ass woman might find her head bouncing on the pavement.

[Eryn]

Because of where the car was located, I had to walk right past them. As I passed, I looked at the person in the passenger side. It was a girl and she was just staring and laughing. I had noticed them obviously earlier when I was in front of the car, but I never once acknowledged them. I looked at her with a blank face. I am very good at hiding my expressions.

Rather than a blank face, try a smile! Whatever they are laughing at (and it might well not be you!) grab a bit of their happy mood for yourself and make off with it!

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Who really cares what a couple of strangers think? You're out, you're having a good time, and it would be foolish to let a random event spoil your time.

I've felt the same sort of thing when others reacted to me in ways I thought negative. I learned to smile at them and was surprised that it sometimes altered the behavior I thought negative. Apparently it is harder to give a confident person a hard time.

[Aly Cat]

Eryn, thats good advice! Ill have to try that next time!

[Nicole Erin]

Eva, I forget who posted they did this but here is something that you can do if it is just guys laughing -
Put your arm around your room mate and say, "laugh all you want boys, I won't be sleeping alone tonight".
I mean even if your room mate and you are platonic (and she knows it is kidding), their egos will instantly disintegrate. Make sure and note the looks on their faces. You will then shed tears of joy.

Me, I am not real good at standing up for myself but I tend to go bat shit if I see someone else get bullied.

[Aly Cat]

Nicole, my roommate would totally do something like that. If she had noticed it, she would have done something similar. At the very least put her arm around me or hooked her arm in mine. She said she didnt notice and said they are glad she didnt. She got bullied a lot when she went through cancer having lost all her hair and everything and so she doesnt take crap from anyone. She is truly an amazing friend and one of the most amazing people I have ever met. Her outlook on life blows me away. She holds such a high value on life and happiness that she wont even kill insects. She will scoop them up and release them in a different environment. Her words of encouragement make me wanna cry with happiness to have such a wonderful friend. The other night she said that I was so nice and wished she could be more like me. I was blown away. I told her that she is my example that I try to live by every day. Her very existence brightens any room and I feel like the luckiest person alive to call her friend. She would tell me to shut up and stop spreading lies if she knew I was writing this, but it is all 100% the truth. Along with all of her amazing qualities, she is also very humble. I try to spend a lot of time with her and hope that her value for all things good rubs off on me.

[Desirae]

It's really a shame you had this happen to you. This is one of the biggest fears I have that has kept me from getting out. I don't know if my skin is thick enough to handle it. I think by reading this post, and others like this post, my skin has thickened up somewhat from what it was when I first joined here. You seem like you did handle it well in the end and I applaud you for that. Keep doing what you're doing.

[Beverley Sims]

Aly,
It is cruel but an isolated incident, hopefully you will learn how to handle it.
Support from your GF is tantamount in this instance.

[Wasia]

I found out, that if someone is trying to make me uncomfortable (for whatever reason). The easiest way to shut them is come closer, look in their eyes, and smile. Just stand near them and smile, no talking necessary. In a minute or two - the would be abuser is ready to run away him/her-self.
Your own confidence is the key.

[KiwiKate]

Some people can be complete idiots.They somehow think it's OK to act towards or to say to people want they want.I can understand why it upset you cos it sure would have devastated me.I think you are very brave for being able to go out en femme in the first place and I think you look very pretty.Glad things are looking up and awesome news about your new neighbors!

[CrossJess]

Awww hun dont worry abouy them, just pick your self up and carry on, if i took on board every coment and finger pointing i get i would be a wreck, just do what i do now and just play with them. Ive mastered the art of making bullies feel very alkward using my gay ways and simple words, works every time

[typhoidmary]

poeple laugh at me occasionally. usually young men, never when they're alone and always when my back is turned. I don't know what is so funny, or what about me is so threatening that they can't do it to my face considering I look like a strong wind could blow me away, but whatever. they're the insecure ones, not me. I guess they never grew out of the playground bully phase or something.