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View Full Version : Do you wonder who else knows about "you?"



Cheryl Ann Owens
06-29-2014, 11:45 AM
My wife knows about "me" for sure. So does my nasty ex-wife who told our children about Dad. At least they're fine with knowing I CD'd. And I've often wondered who else might know. Maybe a year ago I was in a conversation with my sister-in-law and she told me that a few in her family knew about me from the beginning when I started dating my wife. She was fine with it. She wouldn't tell me how they found out. My in-laws are great anyway. I suspect some people I once worked with definitely know. But that contact is no more.

Still, I find it unnerving at times when I might meet up with someone. I'm sure there may be some who don't care and don't say anything. I wasn't thinking one day and while my wife talked with her mother outside I walked out in my capri jeans and pink flip-flops. (In my mind -- Oh S---T!) Nothing happened.

So how do you feel about this issue? I haven't had any real problems over it except that it keeps me wondering, guarded, and defensive in some ways.

Cheryl

Alice Torn
06-29-2014, 12:12 PM
Well, there is nothing you can do now. I am single, but accidentally left a thumb plug in at the local library in this small town, and someone has it, with thousands of my pics, and videos. There is nothing i can do now, so i quit worrying about it. However, if some folks in this town, and my brother, sister and dad found out, it would be very harsh. Nothing we can do. Don't worry.

dana digs sweaters
06-29-2014, 12:15 PM
Who loves you?
Those are the ONLY people that will EVER matter.

nvlady
06-29-2014, 01:30 PM
I am sure my ex-wife outed me to anybody who would listen, but nobody has said anything to me. Perhaps we now know who is liked and who is simply tolerated.

stacycoral
06-29-2014, 01:39 PM
Well I know a few know now days, but I really don't care except for my teenage girl so she don't have to put up with it at school, high school girls can be so mean, so I try to keep it as quiet as possible, but I am still me and need my time in the sun. Yes it is a hard to always not do want we want, but when you have a family it is not always about us. If people look at me that is ok, but not if they give my kids trouble about it.

Sharon B.
06-29-2014, 01:44 PM
I know for a fact that my ex-wife told everybody she could about me, but nothing you can do about it life goes on. There are some people and some friends that know about me but non have said anything about it. I don't dress or say anything to them about it. An ex-lady friend had made a comment to a friend of ours one evening, the question was if one of his kids or grandchildren wanted to dress as the opposite sex how would he behave. He told her if it meant that the child was happy and content with his/her life then he would accept it, he may not like it but it was the child's life and let it be. It wasn't the answer she was hoping for.

Teresa
06-29-2014, 01:46 PM
Cheryl once you start to count up more people know than you think ! To say basically you're in the closet.
I would think more SAs know about me than the family, then I got outed by a commuter train and a horse rider !
As to how many know on and through the forum ! I don't know if there's a tally kept of members and viewing guests over a daily or weekly period?
If I'm confronted by it I know I'll have some tricky questions to answer but I'm not going to deny that Teresa doesn't exist I'm not ashamed to admit it anymore!

adrienner99
06-29-2014, 01:50 PM
I have an ex girlfriend who knows. She found a photo of me dressed and I told her. She was fine with it. But I know she told her new boyfriend, which haunted me for years, because he and I had some mutual friends he could have told...but they both moved away a while back, and I have encountered no comments....

Ressie
06-29-2014, 02:02 PM
Since I'm pretty much in the closet it's a good question. My ex has a pattern of getting into fights with all the roommates she's ever had. When she moves out, she tells everyone all the bad things about those roommates. I'm sure she's at least told everyone in her family and probably my family too. No one has ever confonted me, so I don't know. It's not something that I dwell on or worry about. But if confronted I would have some stress to deal with.

Jenniferathome
06-29-2014, 02:10 PM
To me, this is like worrying about being hit by a car. Of course, it could happen, but I NEVER worry about it. I don't even think about it. Just not worth the effort to worry about such things.

Sallee
06-29-2014, 02:17 PM
No not really I don't broadcast it. but if people find out so be it. I see it like being in the closet but the door is open. It is certainly a headache I don't need

Donnagirl
06-29-2014, 02:28 PM
I'm aware the number of people who know about me is growing outside of my control... Those that know are sharing, or like me accidentally letting slip the info...

Thing is, I don't really care now. So far I'm yet to meet anyone who has reacted badly but I'm sure that will happen eventually. What I have got now are plenty of people interested, lots of make up and fashion advice and the promise of a makeover and girls night out (on the proviso I don't look better than them!!!).

I am, however expecting some hurdles from work, but ultimately there is little to worry them. I don't doubt there may be discrimination, quiet whispers and name calling, but if I catch them at it... Well suffice to say our laws over here are pretty good.

Alice Torn
06-29-2014, 02:33 PM
I did make the foolish mistake of telling, and sending many photos of Alice. She said she would not tell, but NOT!!! She has told several people who knew me in that church, i was int then. It is looked down on as deviance. Nothing i can do now, and let them who is without sin, cast the first stone.

Emi_
06-29-2014, 02:35 PM
I think the cat may have found out. I'm not sure, but he gives me odd looks - usually around dinner time - and I'm pretty sure he saw me that day I was at the mall with my wife.

Seriously, I have come to a point - after 20 years of dodging shadows and bullets - where I don't really give a dingo's farts if anyone makes the connection. I'm not going to go on parade and declare myself to the world, but I'm not hiding myself. I come and go as i please how I please and if anyone puts 2 and 2 together it isn't anything to me.

Requal Jo
06-29-2014, 03:27 PM
My wife knows and I do not know about the children. They once found out when I was underdressed. However, in the end, friends will not care and to "hell" with all the others. When they are talking about me, they are leaving someone else alone.

Kate Simmons
06-29-2014, 06:37 PM
Don't care really. I'm sure all the Intel agencies know but don't consider me a threat. Even so I can still beat the best (or worst) of them playing UNO (inside joke). ;):)

typhoidmary
06-29-2014, 06:42 PM
everyone who has ever clapped eyes on me in the last couple years knows. it's a good feeling :)

Tammy Lynn Tx
06-29-2014, 06:49 PM
Isn't it funny how the ex's always tell your friends and family about your "hobby" thats what my ex-mother-in-law asked me about one day. Why do you wear womens' clothes as a hobby ?

Genny B
06-29-2014, 07:13 PM
I often worried that if the wrong person found out I might lose my job. Now, I'm not so sure about that, and to go further I'm not sure if I did lose my job, it might not be a bad thing... yeah, I am sure some family know but they keep it to themselves, if they do know.

Genny B

Marcelle
06-29-2014, 07:18 PM
Like Donna said ... there are so many people who know now that the information has grown outside of my control. I don't wander around with an "I'm TG t-shirt" on but I don't deny if someone were to ask. For security reasons I had to disclose at work (compromise and all that) so quite a few people know . . . I am okay with it.

Hugs

Isha

Jaylyn
06-29-2014, 07:18 PM
I do my best to just keep it here and in my own little world of me and my wife. She is ok with it and we both have our deepest secrets that we share anyway. I do worry sometimes about posting any pictures.

shawnsheila
06-29-2014, 07:25 PM
My wife, a few close friends, my mom and brothers, my doctor and church pastor all know. I personally would not mind letting the cat fully out of the bag but it is up to my wife's comfort level as to who knows. I personally feel like it would a burden lifted from me though.

Tera bytes
06-29-2014, 07:30 PM
My wife is the only one who knows. My mother on the other hand has her suspicions . In my early teenage years, she caught me modeling in front of the mirror wearing pantyhose. She didn't say anything to me or anyone else that I am aware of, however, she did search my room and confiscate on a regular basis.
I'm certain that my younger sister has an idea. And because I shave my legs regularly, some tennis buds poke fun.

BLUE ORCHID
06-29-2014, 07:36 PM
Hi Cheryl, Absolutely no one except my wife of 50yrs who has know from the beginning.

Angie G
06-29-2014, 07:43 PM
As far as I know only my wife knows. Maybe a few salespeople may suspect but I don't know them so Who cares.:hugs:
Angie

Felicia Dee
06-29-2014, 07:47 PM
Honestly? The older I get, the less I seem to care... life's too short.

Deedee Skyblue
06-29-2014, 08:01 PM
I told a friend years ago, and she married another friend, and I wonder if he knows... my brothers might know. I think my roommates in the late 80s knew, but I have never been sure. Some shop owners in Connecticut, who never knew my name, knew, but who could they tell?

Deedee

Desirae
06-29-2014, 08:01 PM
I'm sure there's some people that know about me. A high school friend and I were drinking one weekend evening when I was around 17 or so. He asked me about it, so obviously he knew about it already. I had had a few close calls when friends stopped over unannounced while in high school. Anyways, I "owned" up to it, but only to a limited degree. I'm sure he has told others over the years. After all, this was over 30 years ago. But, I never see him anymore. I have never been confronted by anyone I went to school with, although, I hardly ever run into anyone, either.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about some comments I have made in the past on here in various threads in regard to my ex and why we broke up. We had a LOT of problems and I've said that CDing was NOT one of them. Well, it really wasn't. But, I started to think about it some more and I do think now that she probably knew. I remember some "left-handed" type comments that I really didn't think about until recently. I bring this up because if she actually knew, and I think she did, well, then I'm sure that a lot of other people with whom I went to school also now know. My last ex's brother is married to the cousin of the best friend of another ex of mine. I'm sure it would have made it's way around. But, I never see or talk to any of these people, either, so who cares? There's nothing I can do about it.

ColleenW
06-29-2014, 08:41 PM
I just presume that everyone does and like lots of others responding don't really care.

amy101
06-29-2014, 09:37 PM
I recently found out that some people at work and my sister in law have knower for years not bin an issue for me really don't ask don't tell seems to be the prefured tactic

Roxie
06-30-2014, 05:58 AM
I'm sure with my ex-wife and her big mouth more people know than I care to think about. I'm certain 2 of my boys know also, not a big deal it's who I am

shelley johnson
06-30-2014, 06:20 AM
Only my wife,beautician and make up lady know.

njcddresser
06-30-2014, 06:27 AM
My wife and her BFF knows. I've often wondered if someone who I know has trolled this site and came across me. Wondered yes, worried Never!!

mariehart
06-30-2014, 10:36 AM
When I told my wife, I was to tell the truth a bit surprised she hadn't figured it out herself. But as she said there were clues aplenty. She did ask who else knew and I mentioned my two sisters and my brother but not the other two sisters or my Mother. 'I know your family' she said 'They'll have told everyone including your Mother' I denied this and pointed out that no on had said a thing about it in many years not even with drink involved. But it got me thinking. Maybe they did know and possibly the three brother in laws too?

I had told some friends too. In fact one is a classic example of how information can get loose. My friend's girlfriend suspected and eventually cornered me until I confessed. She promptly told my friend and he was cool about it. More than cool actually, ahem! Later he confessed he let the secret slip with someone I'd known previously and I have to assume he told some others. On the other hand he is an honourable guy and could keep a secret. So I don't know. I told another GG friend and you have to assume she told her husband and one or two others but again I don't know.

So should I be worried? No I don't think so. For many people it'll be a so what moment and in the real world today where being openly gay or lesbian is only worth a passing comment then my little secret won't exercise anyone's mind for more than a moment. I suspect anyway that most will say: So that's it. I always thought there was something'.

Nadya
06-30-2014, 10:26 PM
I wonder who knows about me all the time. I used to stress out about it quite a bit. I went to great lengths to conceal this part of me. When I told my girlfriend and she was OK with it, I started not to feel quite as worried about it. I often wear tights or pantyhose under my clothes and wonder if anyway has seen it as my shirt rides up in the back. Maybe someone could become suspicious why I don't ever take my shoes off when visiting a friend's house or wear shorts (either because I'm wearing tights or because I shave my legs). I imagine that most of my fears are just something I imagine and most people could care less about what I do (at least that's what I hope). The longer I keep my true self hidden, the less I want to keep doing it. I feel like I might not care that much if someone I knew found out.

MissTee
06-30-2014, 11:15 PM
My wife knows. We have a second home a few states away. It is absolutely the ultimate chick mecca. Love it and we spend lots of time here. Pink, pink, pink and a more pink decor (tastefully done). So we're here in the second home and have friends from home coming over to visit here, and my wife if is so worried about the impression they may get. Our creativity is currently working overtime . . .

Beverley Sims
07-05-2014, 02:21 PM
Cheryl,
Not many know about me these days, I was comfortable with it all some years ago with a different circle of friends.

Nikki A.
07-05-2014, 09:02 PM
I'm in the too many to count mode at this point. There are those who know and have been out with Nikki. There are others who may suspect, to those I neither deny or confirm, I just laugh it off and leave them to wonder.
At this point in life, I really don't mind. When I shop I tell the SAs that I'm shopping for me. I get better service and usually never have a problem. Only once did I have an older SA keep telling me that they didn't carry pantyhose for men, I found another SA to help me and then made sure that the older one ring me up along with 2 bras that were on clearance.

Zoe B
07-05-2014, 09:51 PM
As far as I am aware only my SO knows (only person I have told so far), but I have no intentions of denying it if people ask me.

lingerieLiz
07-05-2014, 09:58 PM
My CDing is a closely held secret with only a hundred or two knowing. Haven't had much flack about it. Still have friends, gone fishing with the guys and shopping with their wives. I've been caught/outed in the 50s, 60s, ... 2010s.

AmyGaleRT
07-05-2014, 10:04 PM
Last week, one morning during our regular meeting, one of my coworkers said something like "What if Amy were to show up unannounced one morning?" (He was here last Halloween, so he's seen me en femme and knows I was using the name Amy that day.)

Part of me was thinking, "Yeah, I wish!" and part of me was thinking, "OMGWTF! Does he know Amy is more than just a character?"

(Among my coworkers, the only one who I've told is my direct manager, and she's quite open-minded about it.)

- Amy

VickiTheGamer
07-05-2014, 10:18 PM
GF, ex-GF (who is a very close friend), you all, a TS friend, and my support group. At this point, I don't plan to let family know. Mom is....a special case. Once she has passed on, I am sure I will open up waaayyyy more.

grace7777
07-05-2014, 11:17 PM
Outside of people I have met on this board or at a tg meetup group, my boss at work strongly suspects it, but has not seen me as Grace. Going out around town there are people who know me as Grace, but do not know my male identity. People in my apartment complex have seen me in both modes. There could well be people who know that I am not aware of, due to them not mentioning to me anything about it. Anymore, I am not overly worried if others find out.

Badwolf
07-05-2014, 11:37 PM
I had an ex that told a bunch of people that didn't matter to me since she was an EX. I know most of who they are.

I also have a few people that have seen the clothing I have, a few that have guessed, and a few that I know wouldn't tell but might have some ideas.

Other than that I've mostly chosen who knows and who hasn't.

There is the small chance that people have caught me under dressing.

Nikki Love
07-06-2014, 12:40 AM
My wife, the most important person in my life, knows, accepts and celebrates who I am. That is bliss.

I have no desire to tell old friends or family.

Before marriage, a number of years ago, I was in the midst of a breakup with a woman. Our relationship was short, intense and volatile. I never felt comfortable revealing my CDing to her with all the other 'issues' we were dealing with. So with the breakup, she stopped by my house to pick up the last of her things. I was not planning on this drop-in and I was not home when she collected her things. She found a pair of very nice lacy woman's underwear in the sheets of the bed and later that day confronted me about sleeping with an old girl friend because she found the evidence. I was taken off guard by the fact that she would go into my house after we split without me being home, and then search the bedroom to look for her things.

When she confronted me, I sighed, and told her they were my underwear. To this day, I'm not sure if she thought I was breaking up with her because I was seeing another person; this seemed much simpler than the story I gave her, the fact that I enjoyed crossdressing.

She looked at me and said, 'But you're so masculine, why would you do that?"

I believe she was capable of accepting this part of my life, but given the nature of our relationship, we never got close enough for me to share this personal detail.
I really didn't want a new x-girlfriend with this knowledge of me in a small town, but I decided to give the best answer, the truth, "I am a cross dresser".
Being confronted put me into an awkward position. I felt very vulnerable and the entire exchange made me laugh and cry at the sometime. Now I giggle at the way we parted, it was apropos.

reb.femme
07-06-2014, 06:19 AM
Only my wife, sister in law, my sons and their partners.......oh and the rest of the English speaking nations as a minimum by now, I should think :heehee:.

It's just too good a secret to hold on to when the relative is not your own flesh and blood, but I'm not overly worried, if at all.

Rebecca

Jenny Doolittle
07-06-2014, 08:20 AM
I am who I am and really that is all that matters.

If someone know and they truly care for you, it will not matter to them that you are different, and if it does, do you really care what they think?

Lets face it, I think that nearly every person on this forum like the female side of their personality, if they didn't they would not enjoy dressing. That being the case, I would think that people knowing would not bother you accept for an issue of the impact it might have on you being able to make a living.

Launa
07-06-2014, 09:14 AM
I'm not sure how many people know.... I would say quite a few but who cares and I never look backwards at what has happened in the past for very long, its a waste of time.

Cheryl T
07-06-2014, 09:28 AM
I'd be curious to know if the neighbors know since I do go out all the time. My wife of course knows and I think my mom knew a long time ago.
For me though it's just a curiosity as I really don't care who does and who doesn't.

Tracii G
07-06-2014, 10:01 AM
Any more I really don't care who knows.

Pauline Wu
07-06-2014, 12:04 PM
I sometimes wonder if my neighbors know, because I go outside and do yardwork dressed, I also have a facebook page, so sometimes I wonder??? Maybe in my own little way I want to get caught??

Ressie
07-06-2014, 12:14 PM
If my neighbors knew it would quickly spread to family (uncle, cousins etc.) and I don't want that.

Cheryl Ann Owens
07-06-2014, 12:36 PM
Since I started this thread, and after reading what many have said, I mostly don't care anymore. I'm retired from the workplace, have a new circle of friends, my Mom passed away (God bless her, I think she knew and still loved me.) and I have limited contact with people. My neighbors wouldn't see me unless I stood by the road. Some I know would recognize my vehicle if I ventured out dressed. The people who would probably know I could give a $--t about. If they wanted to make my life difficult let them try. I have a few women friends who know and love me all the more because I'm honest and trustworthy with them. My wife treats me also like a sister. Just yesterday I spoke with another out of state friend who fully transitioned in her 50's. She's loving life! My nasty ex-wife can say all she wants and swim in her own crap. I think she's jealous because I'm happier and far more successful than she is.

There is another element that I find to be important. I've pasted a link to another thread that explains it:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?215994-My-Sister-now-knows!!&p=3549305&highlight=#post3549305

Love your life! Who cares?!
Cheryl

sometimes_miss
07-06-2014, 03:14 PM
I wasn't thinking one day and while my wife talked with her mother outside I walked out in my capri jeans and pink flip-flops. (In my mind -- Oh S---T!) Nothing happened.
See, that's it. If she didn't know, and now does, then SOMETHING HAPPENED. You simply aren't able to read minds to know exactly what.

CrossJess
07-06-2014, 05:59 PM
Lol everyone!! I kinda stand out ya know hehe ooops!

Saepe
07-06-2014, 07:52 PM
I have a couple fake profiles on dating websites, so I have to imagine there are a few guys who look at my pictures and know I'm just a guy in dresses. Actually, one other site member did send me a message asking if I was "a male? For real doe. lol"

But, in real life, I only ever present as female at home and indoors, so I don't care.

Joanne108
07-07-2014, 08:46 AM
My wife and I know my brother too. Maybe those people who see a tall woman walking out to the car on days I don't work may have figured it out. I don't really care.