I would like to share something important for the first time.

[Nick]

Hey everyone! I'm new here and I would like to tell something I have never told anyone and I have not even thought doing so ever but I just cannot hold it in anymore so I hope you don't mind reading my little story. I'm a girl originally even though my parents wanted boys, I was raised in a girly way mostly. Though I think I always got along more with boys, I liked playing with cars and Yugioh cards and all that stuff, haha. I never really had a guy who I loved like that nor any guy confessed to me about liking me. Not because I don't look like a girl, I do. I'm just the type who is either too shy or act like another guy friend, I guess. To be honest as years went by, I always wished to dress like boys, I have had enough of girly clothes, I always thought of how guy clothes are so awesome and cool. But whenever I mentioned buying such clothes my mom would always point out that I'm not a damn guy so I should wear skirt and all the other things. I just don't feel comfortable like this, I feel like I got into the wrong body, I feel like inside I'm a male, not a female. It is not something I started feeling nowadays, it's like this for years. I thought this feeling will stop and only the hormones make it but it's not like that, I know it. I tried to get over it because I know I will never be able to come out normally. What's more I'm bisexual so I'm attracted to both girls and guys too. When I mention gays or bisexuals or crossdressers to my mother, how it is unfair how they are treated. She just nods then says '' Yeah, but it's crazy how many of them turn out to be that. Why do they have to come out at all? Cannot they keep it to themselves? It's not normal seriously. '' Yeah, my family is kinda close minded, not open at all. They don't know how it feels to be someone else. They want to be strictly like everyone else, doing things as it is expected from the society but I'm different. I'm not happy like this. I want to come out in reality but I'm scared, terrified. I can be strong at times but when it comes to family, everything they affects me majorly. They would hate me and I am not sure I would be able to bear the pain. I'm all alone here. I have one single friend who might not understand me either... I just felt so bad nowadays. I just wanted to tell this somewhere after long years. I might be weird for feeling like this but I don't want to think of being myself as being wrong... : (

[Tracii G]

Welcome Nick nice to have you with us.
You are you and there is nothing wrong with that.
I'm the exact opposite I know I'm a guy genetically but I don't feel that way deep down inside.
And Yes I would love to come out to some close friends but would hate it if they couldn't understand.
I have some friends that know and some that don't and I'm stuck with that.
I hope you aren't too hard on yourself because of the way you are.Learning to accept and love yourself is the first step.

[Andy66]

Welcome, Nick. Ah, families... Im sure they think theyre doing whats best for you. Hang around here for a while, read, talk to people, and you will see that you are not alone, and the future will be better. :hugs:

[LenGray]

You're welcome here Nick :)

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you! I'm sorry to hear that you're family acts like that. On the bright side, coming here is a great first step to realizing who you are and dealing with the everyday challenges and joys that come with that.

Everyone here is really great :) I hope to see more of you!

[Debra Russell]

You know Nick, sometimes family members act the way they think others will expect them to act and not the way they might otherwise view a situation if not being judged by others themselves - complicated, I know, and many of us feel and go through this - maybe your mom might be a little more understanding if you had a private talk with her - best wishes...............................Debra

[Nick]

Thank you for the replies :) You all seem really nice and what you wrote made me feel really better ^^
It's nice to see that there are people who actually able to accept me and understand me so thank you~ (:
I will surely spend more time here when I have some free time :)

[Emma Beth]

Welcome to the forums, Nick.

Sometimes people can surprise you in ways you never expected they would.

In my situation, I have come out about being a transwoman to my niece and sister and they have been wonderful. Recently I came out to my wife of fifteen years and my father. My father was as wonderful as my sister; as far as my wife goes, the jury is still out for deliberation since Monday night. To be honest, I will give her all the time she needs to take in what I have confessed to her.

Surprisingly, my wife was the most difficult one to open up to simply because of how I feel about her and how long we have been together. There is hope for her, but this wait is killing me.

My point being; you will never know how someone will react to something like this until you actually have a heart to heart with the person. It's normal to have these fears; but by the same token, only you can decide if you are going to have that talk with someone. The choice is yours and only yours to make.

I really feel for you and hope the best for you.

So, in the mean time; here's a virtual hug from me to you.

Liz

[ShadowWarryor]

You are who you are. Simple as that. You have nothing to prove to anyone whether you're a boy or a girl, in the end it's your life and no one else can live your life for you. You're not alone, you're story is very similar to mine, and even though I do enjoy dressing girly every now and then, I do it for the guy I love. I too am a bisexual transman with a biological body of a female and a mind/ spirit of a male. I know exactly how you feel. And if your family is true they should support you regardless. Even if they don't (which is where I am at the moment), then you don't need their negativity in your life. Only you can live your life, no one else can live it for you, because then it wouldn't be your life, it would be theirs.
If you need to talk or anything, I'm here, just as are many other helpful people. Just remember you are not alone.

[Kate Simmons]

You are welcome here Nick and none of us are going to judge you on how you feel or who you are. You have the right to be anyone you want to be my friend. Never hesitate to share your feelings with the folks here. Be well. :)

[Jenny Gurl]

Welcome Nick. Hang out here a while and read the thousands of stories just like yours and you will begin to understand that you are not alone. This is an important part of accepting yourself. Up until now, you probably doubted yourself, and wondered if you were not normal, etc. Those in this community are some of the few who really understand you and your true self. You will learn you were born this way, and there is nothing wrong with you, and nothing wrong with being the person you were born to be. Don't be afraid to go onto the Male to Female (MTF) forums and read too. There seem to be fewer of the FTM on here, and reading the hundreds of stories on the MTF boards will probably help you understand yourself. We seem to share similar problems in understanding ourselves and acceptance as the FTM community. There are many variations of the transgender community, and the more you read on the board the better you will understand yourself and then begin to accept yourself. Eventually, I hope you will learn to love yourself for who you are. You are among friends, and you will find more support and understanding here than about anywhere else. The good news for you is, when you finally leave and go out into the world to live your own life, the world is very accepting of girls who have a masculine side. You can dress any way you want and the world will not blink twice. In that respect I envy you. Rock on Dude.

[Nick]

Jenny Gurl: Thank you so much for the advice. I will make sure to read a lot and learn to accept myself somehow. And yeah, it might be easier to be among other people. I hope it will all go well and one day I will have the courage to actually come out of the closet (:

Kate Simmons: Thank you for the kind welcome and for understanding! ^^

ShadowWarryor: Yeah, my family definitely wouldn't accept me. They are not like that. I try to talk about these kinds of topics, like the Pride or how bad it is that people discriminate them but they don't seem to care about those people. They think bad of them. My sister is simply disgusted by gays or trans people, my mother just gets angry when he sees that another celebrity is gay in TV. My father is the tradition man, so he thinks that being someone else happened all because of the quick development and people just want attention and stuff like that. I don't hate them though. And I'm scared that coming out would cause them a heart attack or something so I think I rather keep it to myself and wait till I can live independently my own life somehow. Thank you. I will try to live my life as my trueself.

Liz: Thank you so so much! I don't think I will be able to come out to my family though. I know as I mentioned before that they wouldn't understand me. They always wanted me to be the perfect girl, do what I suppose to do. I have no decision here. But I really respect you for having the courage to come out to your family. You are incredibly amazing. I really hope that things will work out with your wife. She will definitely accept you. So be strong and I will try to be too (: Sends you a virtual hug too ^^

[Sallee]

Hi Nick,Welcome to the community. It will provide lots of support. You sound pretty normal to me at least as normal as most 18 yr olds. Those are tough years and it WILL GET BETTER. So ride with it for awhile and try to get away. Are you in or going to go to college, work. My advice would be to move to another town and start living your own life I am partial to big cities but any good size town will be a good start live onyour own you donj't have to di own your family but you need to start making your own way in the world. You have lots of time so try to get out while still being a responsible adult. Good luck this site will be a big help