Is it all worth it?

[Brittany CD]

I've been thinking...

I'm a crossdresser and love it. I do it for fun because I love wearing women's clothes, I love makeup, I love wigs, and I love looking like a girl. While it's been great doing all this, I can't help but think more deeply about all this. I am very private about all this, and I know that it could hurt some personal relationships if I opened up about my dressing, especially in the romantic life. Often I have to hide my girly things and have to make sure no one can come across anything. It's been making me wonder why I continue to dress up knowing the stress it can bring me. If I gave it up my life would not change, so it's something that lingers in my mind? Can someone give some thoughts on this?

[Emi_]

Every one of us must determine for ourselves just how much we are willing and able to invest of ourselves into this activity. I spent about 15 years away from all things trans* while I got other things in my life in order. Today I enjoy dressing up regularly and have many freedoms and much more maturity and confidence than I did before I stopped. Overall, the time away made me a better person and I am better equipped to deal with all of the things cross-dressing brings in to my life. Stopping was a choice and it was the right choice at the time. If that's where you are and you recognize it and are willing to take charge of your own life, then go with it.

The fantasy is of living this way full-time or doing this any time, but the reality is that this is just one activity in otherwise full lives. Do what brings you peace of mind and don't worry if it's not how others would do things. You alone have to live the life in your skin.

[Saepe]

It probably depends on how much stress it's causing you. For me, I didn't have to try very hard to hide it, and I try less now that my dad knows about my dressing. But, yeah, if it was stressing me out too much, I'd probably call it quits.

[Edyta_C]

You need to think to yourself about your motivations for dressing. Do you get excited? Is it the adrenaline that comes from having a big secret? Does it relax your stress? Try to examine your motivations. As Emi said: "You alone have to live the life in your skin". Some of us can stop for periods of time. But a lot of that is dependent on your motivation.

Edy

[Wildaboutheels]

Thoughts on this?

You are 22 and male. Your posts do not indicate a male who hates his bits/would desperately like to transition. Which means it's a hobby to you. [I did not write the definition of "hobby" just for the record] It IS accurate for most CDers...

I'll bet you have other hobbies? Know why they are not nearly so ADDICTIVE as CDing?

Any of THEM end with an O? Or maybe you are one of those CDers who has "never" used women's clothes/presentation as a tool?

If you ARE you could try switching to porn or men's magazines [instead of dressing] but one loses the "live in the flesh aspect" plus the "feel" of the clothes.

IF CDing is much more than that to you, you might as well "come out" and get on with your life while you are still young.

[Maria 60]

Well in the earlier years every time I got undressed was my last time. As I started to understand it and I now look back, I never stopped or quit, it seems like it always adjusted itself around my life. When the kids were younger there was little more time to dress and as they became teenagers it was a bit more difficult I had to really hide the cloths, but now with them older I have more time and I could afford to slip a bit. My wife asked me when I told her if she wasn't accepted of it if I would have stopped . I told her I found out though out the years that no matter how hard I try I can't stop, it's in my blood, so I told her if she didn't accept it we would have to find a happy medium, almost like she didn't have to see it, or the relationship would not have had a chance. There's always a way that both can be happy. Yes life would be much easier and less stressful without it but and always the risk and chance that I will slip. You could try to stop, but maybe I would hear from you next week or next month or even next year, but I can promise you we will hear from you again. Good luck if you want to stop, if not just have fun and enjoy the gift you been given.

[Marcelle]

Hi Brittany . . . IMHO I believe the stress is caused by due to a conflict between what you want to do (CDing) and what you area doing (keeping it secret). You state that you "love CDing" but due to circumstances (personal relationships) you keep it secret. Unfortunately this conflict is going to cause stress. Stress in that you want to be you and enjoy your CDing tendencies but for your own personal reasons you keep it secret. I am not advocating you come out of the closet (unless you are ready) mind you but this in my opinion is the root of your stress.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

The problems in relationships are neither inevitable nor insurmountable. This is a part of you that beings you happiness. Denying it, even temporarily hiding it from a potential partner, will likely cause more problems than if you find a way to honestly open up where needed and to incorporate CDing as part of your life.

[Roxie]

Not really sure you can "give it up" so to speak, many have tried but its something that is a part of you .It's a hard thing to hide ( I know that for a fact). Recently I began living on my own and thought all my CDing problems were over Ha HA doesn't work that easy either. This is a huge challenge in life and takes time to figure out. Not really going to touch on the part about it being hidden as it's up to each us as to what to do about that.
I can tell you that you need to be yourself and do what feels right to you . You only go around once
Good luck
Roxie
.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Brittany, You are asking a question that only you have the answer to.

[irene9999]

You pretty much have to determine how important it is to you. I know in my case I've denied my urges to dress, only to bounce back and dress after a few weeks.

[suchacutie]

For me it started as intense curiosity to find out just who this femme part of me is, how she affects my life, and how she has affected my life in the past, including my marriage. My wife is also fascinated by Tina and how she affects our relationship (which so far has been, if anything, improved by Tina's presence). How can I possible deny this part of my self. That's why my bi-line is "making a life for Tina", because she really does have her own life. It's essential that she be allowed to identify her life in order for us to know who she is!

[Teresa]

Brittany, Your comment about it being something that lingers in you mind, if that's as strong as it gets maybe stopping and starting will happen and you'll comfortably live with it !
We all know not dressing can severely stress you and the fear of being caught is stressful , you have to try and find a balance that takes some of that away because eventually it will screw you up !

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Brittany, There is nothing wrong with taking a break from CDing.
Although giving it up would be a change to your life. Just my thoughts!
I'm in the same boat as you, stress is a very tough part of living a CD life in the closet.
My recommendation ..... Read your signature line!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Christen]

Well, giving up this thing is like giving up smoking, "It's easy, I've done it plenty of times". I know about the stress and the guilt and the associated paranoia. Give it a rest for sure, give it up completely, just expect the feelings to return at some point. That's my experience.

Best
Christen x

[Renee Elise]

Hi Brittany, my own perspective...hey, we all have secrets. Some things are just need to know. For me at this point the stress relieved by dressing up for a few hours, the reduced tension and increased calm and patience that carries over for a few days far outweighs whatever little anxieties arise from putting my girlie stuff away for safe keeping when there are visitors to my abode...we all have ups and downs with this. If you think a break is best for you now, go for it.

[Kate Simmons]

Any positive ROI (return on investment) in connection with CDing can only be determined by we, ourselves, Hon.:)

[Beverley Sims]

Remain private as long as you like.
Get used to the subterfuge and going underground.
It is all part and parcel of dressing.
One day you will get the opportunity to expose yourself.
Just have patience. :)

[Katey888]

Well, giving up this thing is like giving up smoking, "It's easy, I've done it plenty of times". I know about the stress and the guilt and the associated paranoia. Give it a rest for sure, give it up completely, just expect the feelings to return at some point. That's my experience.


I am completely aligned with this sentiment... I believe it to be full of sage advice and understanding... :)

Brittany, you're still relatively young - I've taken breaks from this weird preoccupation sometimes for years... always the niggling thoughts in the background... and generally when it comes back it's been a bit more demanding of my 'commitment' to it... but it's not impossible I wouldn't have another break... A great deal depends on your motivation for why you feel you need to do it - if you can get to some understanding of that and what that really means, well you've probably achieved a lot more than most of us! :)

And there's nothing wrong with suppressing one thing in pursuit of another, as long as what is being suppressed is not something that deep down really needs to be fed and will bite back if it's not... Only you can really find the answer to that. :hugs:

Katey x

[JamieTG]

Through adolescence and early adulthood I felt very guilty and sometimes would throw everything out and say I'm done. It never lasted very long. Its a compulsion and I found it was more stressful trying to stop rather than doing it. Personally, I think its healthier to accept and enjoy the way you are. The longer you try to protect a secret, the harder it becomes to finally come clean. It wasn't until age 45 that I finally got up the nerve to start telling people. You are young and society is much more accepting now. Good luck!

[Amanda L.]

Hi Brittany
What you are experiencing resonates deeply. Some days I am very calm and accepting of the fact that I am a crossdresser. Just to type that last line is an affirmation to myself as I have come to realize that the innate nature of this behaviour is not going to go away and as mentioned in earlier posts the stress of supressing it could be too much of a burden.
On the flip side though there are days when the struggle to come to terms with being a crossdresser (more self affirmation) has me in conflict with my male self. There are the internal conversations about the impact it would have on SO's, How far will it go?, What control do you really have over the desire?
I think the fact that you have been a very active participant on this Forum demonstrates a commitment to acceptance and discovery of the inner self. Personally? I was s@#t scarred to take the step towards accepting myself but each day I become a little more accepting and calmer for it.
In short it hasn't changed me as a man, in fact it has enabled me to develop a more empathetic view towards others.
There is a lot of fantastic comments in this thread by very intelligent and caring people. We all have our own story and most would be exactly like yours
Cheers
Amanda

[Alice Torn]

Some here relate to the dillemna yo are in. A love/hate thing with dressing, and your male side. And, if you are in a church, or occupation, where it would be dissed, another stress or two. Some of us have tried to quit. and a few succeed. Humans are very adaptive creatures. I am sure, that if any of us were thrown in prison , we would "quit" while in jail or prison!! I don't believe it is impossible to stop, but i am afraid the desire, and thoughts, and pull, would at times be very strong. Like in AA, though, and the 12 steps, progress, not perfection with quitting any compulsion. It is sad, that much of society considers alcoholism, to be non taboo addiction, but crossdressing, a perversion. There are some very good reasons for some of us to stay in the closet, too.

[bridget thronton]

If you enjoy it that is enough. Priorities may change as you age. Allowing this part of me to grow has made me a better person. It was worth it to me.

[PaulaQ]

Hi, Brittany

It's worth it because this is a part of you, and it needs to express itself. You have to let the girl out of the box you keep her in at least once in a while. That's why you CD.

Does it make your life more difficult at times? Sure. But this is as much a part of you as your left hand, or your personality or any of the other attributes that makes you unique.

[CDhusband-Coping2014]

I new to this sight so I don't feel I can give a lot of insight but I can tell you that when I came out to my wife a little while ago it was very hard. There are time I wish I never said a word but there are other times when nothing ever felt so right. I can say we have had our ups and downs since I came out. I feel so relieved in do many ways and there is some regret. My wife seems to be more supportive as time goes by. If it stays that way I think things will be Ok. We will see.

[Nadya]

I used to be obsessively paranoid about hiding anything associated with my alternate life especially when I had lived with a roommate that didn't know and I don't think would have understood. That being said, I don't think that it was a good way to go about things. Being so secretive can wear you down and stress you out. Before I started dating my girlfriend, I purged which helped alleviate the stress of hiding things. It was costly and left a hole inside me. I eventually got the desire to dress again and I had the courage to tell my girlfriend. She accepted me and the stress of being secretive is not longer a problem. I don't have to hide my stuff in my own home anymore. I don't have to hide in my house when dressed up anymore if I don't want to but I'm still working on that. Is going through this trouble worth it? It is because we need to do this. Could you lessen how much trouble you have to go through to keep it a secret? Yes but I know for me, I had to come to terms with my emotions before I could start.

[sometimes_miss]

It's not whether it's worth it, some of us just do it because it feels like the right thing to do. Of course, sometimes the right thing to do, comes with a price.

[Frédérique]

Is it all worth it?

Yes, it’s all worth it. If you hadn’t tried it, you would’ve wished you had…


I'm a crossdresser and love it. I do it for fun because I love wearing women's clothes, I love makeup, I love wigs, and I love looking like a girl. While it's been great doing all this, I can't help but think more deeply about all this. I am very private about all this, and I know that it could hurt some personal relationships if I opened up about my dressing, especially in the romantic life. Often I have to hide my girly things and have to make sure no one can come across anything. It's been making me wonder why I continue to dress up knowing the stress it can bring me. If I gave it up my life would not change, so it's something that lingers in my mind? Can someone give some thoughts on this?

My thoughts? I’ll tell ya, Brttany, I kinda like the stress. Its fun knowing that I have (harbor) a secret of epic proportions, that I have a secret stash of femme stuff right under everyone’s nose, and that I think about decidedly un-masculine things 24/7. Of course, there’s no way to adequately explain WHY you want to do this, so the secret, exponentially increasing bit by bit and year by year, becomes delicious in the extreme…

I say “carry on” with what you’re doing, the way YOU want to do it, and enjoy life to the fullest… :battingeyelashes: