The other side of the fence when dating

[VickiTheGamer]

Me, I prefer women. I don't have any current plans to start dating men or anything but I am curious about something.

So this question is to any CD'ers (or TS'ers) who had the same mind set I had (only date women) but changed their mind about men and started dating them after all.

Why?

[Emi_]

I dated a man many years ago mostly because I thought that that's what you were supposed to do. After all, I thought I wanted to be a woman and I imagined that being with a man was what a woman would do. Quite frankly, you can't really choose to change your nature.

I won't lie and say that we didn't have fun of all sorts, but we never connected properly. i mean, physically things went alright, but emotionally it was a disaster and it all ended in terrible fights and a break up that sent me to a mental hospital for a week. It just didn't work. I tried to connect with other men later, but they never really connected right with me either - thankfully none of them turned into full-on toxic relationships.

Many years later, I am happily married to a wonderful woman and we are each other's soul mates. We have struggled through much over our 12 years together and we love each other and hold on to each other with deep deep affection.

In short, I went to men because I thought a girl should be with a man, but I am not wired to have relationships with men and they never worked out. I am now happily married to a woman.

[CrossJess]

Interesting reply Emi.

It's strange that we naturally assume that a woman should go with a man and a man should go with a woman, I think that thinking will be with us until the end of time, :eek:

My B/F asked me this question when we first got together, I think he thought me dressing incredibly girly I might just be dating guys because that's what woman did and I was copying them,:eek: but same as I said to him I have no desire to be a woman I just like girls clothes :battingeyelashes:lol anyway little did he know I was as bent as a five bob note plus really fancied him too...lush guy alert!!:daydreaming:, I said to him that I love guys to bits as girls can't offer me what I want in a relationship and flick my switches the way that guys can in the bed room...sorry if that's below the belt but it's true.

I asked him the same question that me dressing like a girl....wouldn't it be better if he went for the real thing and be with a woman, his response was the same as mine, he had no desire to be with woman at all, he was attracted to me because i was unusual looking in a cute way "lol thanks love" he got fed up with dating normal run of the mill boring guys and me with my zany ways and dressed very loud in girls clothes brought something new to the table so do speak, I thought me looking girly would put him off as he might think I was to girly... I mean I act like like a teenage girl at times even at 35 but he loves it for some strange reason lol it's great though! :) it's made for some happy times

[Adriana Moretti]

my answer would be...why not?...but thats cause I am Bi...and dont see the big deal...but if your str8 you are str8....maybe its just fantasy. I started thinking I may be bi 10 or 15 years ago...I guess you either are or you arent.

[Lorileah]

It wasn't my plan but I fell in love with a man last year. Biggest mistake of my life.

[Beverley Sims]

When I was young and on hormones my girlfriends organised a date for me, it lasted about a fortnight and was not an unpleasant experience. :)

I was given lots of encouragement and assistance and the boy never knew I was not a girl.
I did have small breasts.

[VickiTheGamer]

Lorileah, you didn't say you broke up. So why was it a mistake?

[Alice Torn]

I do see a lot of middle age women, divorced, and sick of men, trying the other side of the street now, and some men doing the same. Seems like burn out. I would not date a man steady. I have met three admirers over the years, but nothing steady. I would still prefer a true lady, but being on a low fixed income, and depressive, i have not a lot of hope.

[Emi_]

We argue that our inclinations about sex and gender are natural and that we are "born this way." We argue that wearing these clothes is just an expression and that it does not "nake us gay." iif we "cross the fence" are we saying that this is all actually just a matter of choice and based on circumstances or are we saying that we have been "living a lie" all along and we never really were the sexual orientation we claimed. Even more pressing, are we saying that wearing these clothes does affect our sexuality and it's not just an expression and that our wives were right to worry all along?

[I Am Paula]

TS response here.
Every 'expert' I've met has said that nothing can change your sexual preference. That being said, a lot, maybe even the majority of TS girl I know, after starting hormones, found they developed an attraction to guys. My therapist explained it as the hormones just let you express you true feelings, that have been with you all along. I was a fence sitter (call it bi if you wish, but I wasn't sure) until HRT. Now I prefer guys, although the hormones have pretty much killed the libido for now.
Perhaps it's just best explained as- Somedays you feel like vanilla, and somedays you feel like chocolate. The ice cream doesn't care.

[Alice Torn]

Emi, Interesting observation, and food for thought.

[sometimes_miss]

Every 'expert' I've met has said that nothing can change your sexual preference. .
Which is true. However, since our society historically has attached such a terrible stigma to male homosexuality, huge numbers of men refuse to accept what they feel, to the point of living entire lives in heterosexual relationships. All these mental gymnastics to feel one thing, while doing and even thinking another, is mentally exhausting. At some point, as seen often on this forum, lots of guys just stop denying what they feel, hiding what they like to do, and even start doing what they really want to....or think they want to. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it does not. Daydreams and fantasies don't usually match up well with reality.