Tonight's Bad Outing

[NavyM2F_WAM]

First, let me say that I decided against the white dress for tonight. It was a little too short for my preference tonight. I wore the dress seen below instead.

Second, tonight was a bad outing, but with some bright spots. So, I went to Hooters tonight, as I had planned to, to watch at least part of the World Cup match (USA! USA!). I was sitting at my table, munching on my food, watching the game, glancing at the girls (what?! LOL), and minding my own business. Then, three guys came in. They were acting a little weird, but I couldn't hear their voices. I thought nothing of it. A little while later, one of them almost ran over to my table and said, "Hey, bro, your beard is showing." Then, he walked back to his table.

Now, I usually use an electric shaver, but it doesn't get all of my facial hair (old, I guess). Tonight, I shaved the normal way (water, shave cream, and a razor, Venus one at that), mainly because I don't have any concealer right now. I touched my face, but it felt smooth. I was fully prepared to attempt to ignore him. However, one girl working there (not an actual "Hooters Girl", she had on a polo shirt and pants) wanted to know what he said to me. I had to whisper it to her. She thought that was rude. The girl behind the bar, plus some of the Hooters Girls also asked. If they could, I think they would have beat him up. I don't know if this is standard practice at other Hooters, but this one has 2-5 older men that are huge (either muscle bound or just "big boned") that either just hang out or act like normal customers. Each time I've gone to this one, I have seen at least one just about every time. Tonight, however, there was a different one (or more? never could tell). The one I could tell stood next to a table near mine and kept glancing from the World Cup game to the rude guy's table. I'm wondering if they are like bouncers at a strip club.

I just finished up and left (was planning to watch most or all of the rest of the game; who won?). On my way out, two of the Hooters Girls (one I talked to before in boy mode) mentioned how rude that guy was. They both complimented me on my heels (seen below). I told them where to find them. After I left the restaurant, I started to walk back to the car. I saw a shadow come from behind me and got nervous (thinking it was the rude guy come out to say or do something to me). It wasn't. I thought of going to a movie (theater is in same area as the restaurant), but the last showing had just started. I hate going in late (can't see where I'm walking in dark theater, plus trailers are awesome to me). So, I just drove around to calm my nerves (love to drive anyway!) and came home.

What do you girls think? Have you ever had an incident like this?

[Emi_]

Shopping at the mall one afternoon. Dressed much more conservatively than you - white blouse, blue jeans, flats, etc. - and a big guy walks up to me and spits in my face and says, "You're a disgrace!" This was right in the middle of the mall and EVERYONE is staring at me and I'm covered in some guys spit and shaking in fear and embarassment.

Nothing like that has happened to me in a very long time, but I can never forget that day.

[Alice_2014_B]

Sounds like a bummer of an experience, but ended up better, keeping positive.
I've never had anything like that happen to me.
LOVE LOVE the heels!
What size do you wear?

[NavyM2F_WAM]

Oh, that is awful! This was my first time with any negativity.

I forgot to mention that the girl in polo shirt and pants told me that she thought I was "pretty". At least one of the two girls I talk to on my way out (out of probably half the girls that were working tonight that came to talk to me about the situation; my own waitress said nothing about it, in any context) also complimented me on how good I looked. The one that I talked to before said that they get that kind of rudeness, too. She also said that we have to have thick skin.

[sandra-leigh]

I've had the rude-to-me part. I don't recall ever having had the someone-came-to-my-defense part.

[Beverley Sims]

Charlotte,
Sad that it happened it is so deflating and dampens your enthusiasm.
I hope it is the one and only for you.

[Eryn]

Hooters is a breasturant/sports bar. That's a likely place to encounter young males with that certain combination of testosterone and inebriation that leads to negative encounters like you had.

If you're going hang out at places like this you'll have to get used to either obnoxious males who clock you or obnoxious males who hit on you.

If you want more pleasant encounters patronize upscale venues and events. You may still be clocked, but at least the people who do so are polite and still treat you as the gender you are presenting.

[Stephanie47]

In the State of Washington spitting in someone's face qualifies as fourth degree assault and if directed towards at a cross dresser or a transgender in the manner spoken it is also a hate crime.


Shopping at the mall one afternoon. Dressed much more conservatively than you - white blouse, blue jeans, flats, etc. - and a big guy walks up to me and spits in my face and says, "You're a disgrace!" This was right in the middle of the mall and EVERYONE is staring at me and I'm covered in some guys spit and shaking in fear and embarassment.

Nothing like that has happened to me in a very long time, but I can never forget that day.

[Adriana Moretti]

i gotta agree with Eryn...thats such a BAD choice of places to go out dressed...you have to expect that...a sports bar...filled with half naked girls and ex-jocks drinking?? ...not the best place...especially alone....be carefull , and try and pick a more classy joint than hooters for your next outing....

[Wildaboutheels]

I'd look at it as a POSITIVE experience if I were you. Sounds like there were plenty of ladies there with manners and couth and any CDer that dresses to "pass" and goes to enough places is going to get some flak sooner or later. Now you know that you will live through it BUT as some of the ladies have already stated, you should now be "more aware" of making better choices.

I hope.

I don't drink or go to bars, but I think putting faith in the bouncers to protect you, is probably not a good idea.

[Lynn Marie]

It was in the military that I learned the principles of avoiding an ambush. Avoid likely ambush sites, strength in numbers, ingress and egress at different times and locations, and make use of cover and concealment at all times.

[Marcelle]

Sorry to hear about your unfortunate night as it is never easy to face down rude. Unfortunately, it goes with the territory and all we can do prepare for it and react accordingly. I do agree with many here that sports bars . . . not a wise venue choice especially if you mix in knuckle draggers and alcohol. However, you handled it well and just ignored the comment and went on with your night.

Hugs

Isha

[NavyM2F_WAM]

Thanks, all.

The problem is multi-faceted. The Augusta area sucks. It is the second-biggest (debated, as Columbus has been mentioned as bigger) city in the state, but it doesn't really have good places to hang out, even for the non-bar/club crowd. As for CD/TG/etc., there are only 2 or 3 bars that are "appropriate". Also, I don't have anyone to hang out with, especially not en femme (the people at work don't know, and they usually never invite me to go anywhere).

By the way, Alice, those shoes are size 11 (women). I usually wear size 11-14 heels. I absolutely love to wear platform pumps. The taller, the sexier.

[stacycoral]

Just because she did not have the uniform on doesn't make her not a Hooters girl, normally they have worn the orange shorts and now are managers, it was nice to have the girls tell you that thought you were pretty, and was on your side, hugs.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Charlotte, You just can't fix STUPID!!
That dress and shoes are awesome looking, Where did you find them??

[I Am Paula]

After going out for thirty years without incident, I still don't go to places that alcohol, and simple minded men, go to ogle breasts. Just bad news waiting to happen.
Try a chi chi bar called Ciao Bella, or the like, that serves fourteen dollar bellinis. They show the game too!

[Michelle (Oz)]

I always feel I'm tempting fate by saying this but thankfully I've never had such an experience Navy. From what I know of Hooters (professing ignorance) I agree with Eryn, they are the type of place I avoid.

[Sara Jessica]

First of all, the dress is really pretty. The color-block style goes a long way to give the illusion of that oft-desired hourglass shape.

The shoes? To each their own but really? Wearing mile-high platforms to a place like Hooters is like shining a white hot spotlight on you, inviting scrutiny where I presume you'd have just been happy to be left alone to watch the game and enjoy your meal. Heck, I even think the dress was too much for Hooters but what do I know?

For what it's worth, I agree with the others who have suggested that you pick your venues more carefully. If you really have to get your fill at a place like Hooters, then I'd recommend dressing it down quite a bit. I did so with my friend Kim during my first two years in a row at Diva Las Vegas (a place to watch Stanley Cup playoffs, NOT to oogle at the girls) and we came through absolutely unscathed. However, venturing into the Hooters casino with my friend Erica looking for a blackjack table during my third Diva and it was a different story. Youth, alcohol, redneck culture...asking for trouble so we left (never to return, I might add). Stick with classier venues, dress for time/place/weather/event and you should be fine.

[Allison Chaynes]

It was in the military that I learned the principles of avoiding an ambush. Avoid likely ambush sites, strength in numbers, ingress and egress at different times and locations, and make use of cover and concealment at all times.

Well said! Love the pun!

[Jenniferathome]

First of all, the dress is really pretty. The color-block style goes a long way to give the illusion of that oft-desired hourglass shape.

The shoes? To each their own but really? Wearing mile-high platforms to a place like Hooters is like shining a white hot spotlight on you, ...

I was preparing my response in my head when I read Sara Jessica's. Spot on. All of it. You were dressed for a club. Women don't go to Hooters. They my be dragged there with their boyfriends, but they don't go alone or in groups. Jeans and a top is the most you can expect there.

Now, I know this is easily written and not easily done due tot he stress of this situation, but THE best way to disarm this guy would be to thank him. Yes, thank him. "Oh thanks, I ran out of concealer. I better pick some up tonight." After that, he's got nothing. He WANTS you to be embarrassed. If you are not, he is neutered.

[stefan37]

Maybe he was doing you a favor by pointing out that your beard shadow was showing. I am thinking if it was malicious they would have continued to harass you. The way you describe he came over, said something and left with no other altercation. Granted there may have been ways to mention this. Many and I would say most people have no contact or experience dealing with trans individuals. They lack the subtlety to offer constructive criticism and instead offer it awkwardly. Now on the other hand he may have been a complete jerk.

You mentioned you did not wear makeup. Even though you shaved closely, unless you have had facial hair removal, your beard will most likely show under the skin as a bluish tint. At a minimum you should wear foundation.

You mentioned you have been thinking of transitioning. Expect many more incidents of people pointing out your masculine traits until you present well enough to present androgynously. Especially in the beginning.

As we venture out in the beginning we tend to react negatively to events and our fears run rampant. As we get out more often , we gain confidence and that confidence shows through and people tend to treat us with more respect.

[Alice Torn]

Navy, You were dresses quite provocatively , and would draw male attention easily. If i ever do go to a bar dressed in a sexy short dress and sky high heels, i can expect a barrage of attention, good and bad! Good thing the staff was supportive, behind you! Emi. That was horrendously tramatic!! I cannot imagine being spit upon by a jerk, in the mall! I feel for what you went through. Like another said, that is a crime, and that cruel man should have been arrested! I hope nothing like that happens to you again, or to me, or anyone dressed minding their own business.

[CrossJess]

All the time Hun when I'm on my own it's my choice of colors that makes me stand out lol, I very rarely get any aggro when I'm with my B/F though then again he is large and musclebound Like a gay Vin Diesel:o don't take no messing :), just take it with a pinch a salt and get on with it sweet, never rise to it either because you will fuel an argument and never NEVER! put your self in a situation where it's maybe late at night dark and your walking alone, trust me on this I got badly beaten up one night and still have the scars to prove it:eek:, you do have to remember that we are still guys dressed in woman's clothing so you will attract attention unfortunately some attention is not all good, there are those who seem to take great pride in being dicks!

Nice heels though very cute!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you are just pretending to relax, have a bite and enjoy the game... you were there for one reason.

You were there to be seen..
You were definitely seen.

I bet you that those shoes have never seen the light of day outside of clubs and fetish conventions though....yuchh

[flutterby]

This is so what I would have done, I love it! I read a book once on how to never lose an argument, and this was one of the best tactics it described. Great post Jennifer!

[mikiSJ]

...State of Washington spitting in someone's face qualifies as fourth degree assault and if directed towards at a cross dresser or a transgender in the manner spoken it is also a hate crime.

Thank you Stephanie for that information. Emi lives in California and it is considered a 'civil battery'. Emi could've/should've gotten this thugs name by contacting mall security and with that knowledge taken the thug to small claims court and sue for $7,500. With a small court judge who has embraced this century, EMI could have walked out the financial winner (you can never wash off the stain of someone's spit!).

[Alice_2014_B]

Nice.
I have at least 21 pairs of heels, 18 of them have a toe-platform.

[Jesse Six]

It was in the military that I learned the principles of avoiding an ambush. Avoid likely ambush sites, strength in numbers, ingress and egress at different times and locations, and make use of cover and concealment at all times.

OMG Lynn, I'm rolling on the floor... that's too perfect!
Awesome advice, how practical. I have to share that one with some of my TS/CD friends in town, some of them are ex-military too :D

[NavyM2F_WAM]

Wow. Lots of different opinions.

First, I have no friends here. The people at work don't hang out with me most of the time. I think they assume I'm a bit of a stick in the mud. I was raised as a Baptist, from a very strict home, and don't try to give up most of my teachings.

Second, thank you for the compliments on the dress and shoes. I originally bought only skater dresses and other dresses similar to those. However, I discovered midi-length dresses, and my world was changed for the better. Most, if not all, of my dresses are knee length or just slightly longer. As for my shoes, the only shoes I want are the sky-high platform pumps. They make me feel ultra feminine and look oh, so nice.

Third, the Augusta, Georgia area has a horrible selection of places to hang out. Since I don't drink and drive, I don't go to actual bars/clubs -- not that I don't want to expand my horizons, mind you! Since I don't get to hang out with attractive women, Hooters works in that regard. I normally go to restaurants like Applebee's, Ruby Tuesday, Longhorn Steakhouse, and Buffalo Wild Wings and then maybe watch a movie at a theater.

[RenneB]

Well girl, I think it's already been said. I agree with the others. I plan my outings very closely. I even google earth to see what the crowd was wearing during the day when the google car went by. I then scour the 'net to find the most LGBT friendly establishment...

For me, I have to drive at least an hour to go out and about for real shopping. Columbia SC and Atlanta aren't that far away. Now I know gas is getting a bit expensive, but I head out at least twice a month for an all day affair at least an hour away.

Lastly, I never go out without completely making the ol' beard disappear. Shaving with a five-blade razor is habit. If you only do it once in a while, you'll get bumps. So I shave every day with the razor, four ways. Then when I think I've got it all, a little lotion and then a few touch ups with the razor again. Then it's red lipstick over the area. It's the opposite color of the beard and cancels it out pretty good. Then a pore filler (chaffing cream) then foundation. A little powder to fix it and I'm pretty good.

With regard to heels, yea, I love them. 4" is the minimum, while I have been know to last an hour in 5" heels. 4's I can do the mall and then some. Still carry a pair of back up flats in the purse for those longer events when I need to give the ol toes a break. However the click clack on marble floors is like cat nip to guys. They will almost always turn to look to see who's wearing heels....

Hope your next outing goes better....

Renne......

[Sara Jessica]

As for my shoes, the only shoes I want are the sky-high platform pumps. They make me feel ultra feminine and look oh, so nice.

I'm really having a hard time understanding why you are looking at transition in "x" number of years. You are deriving femininity from CFM heels, the only shoes you want? Women in the real world living their day to day lives don't wear these.

I'm no expert on this sort of thing but I'd think that with an intent to transition, one might look at these outings as dress rehearsals, so to speak. See what it's like to get about this big world as a woman. See if you can stand the heat. If there is truly a woman in your heart, then let her experience things like any other woman out there, not dressed as an object of a man's desire while going out for a bite to eat.

I'd like nothing more than to read a truly positive and uplifting story from your daily life.

[shawnsheila]

First of all, that dress is awesome and those shoes.... I want them!!!

I am sad they were being idiots to you... I would chalk it up to even their own insecurities... its just sad that a person can't go out for a drink an watch a game with out some idiots messing with them... The worst experience I ever had was some high school girls giggling when they saw me but that didn't bother me too much. I can deal with giggles I guess :)

[NavyM2F_WAM]

I really have no idea where the LGBT-friendly places are. I don't even know for sure if there are any in this area.

I had shaved with both my electric shaver (getting old) and a Venus razor. I felt my face both there and after that incident at the restaurant. It felt smooth. I usually wear the most basic amount of makeup (don't know what to wear, what goes with what, etc.). So, I had only some bright red lipstick on. Normally, I use some concealer and maybe some mascara, but my concealer is gone and I'm not sure what happened to my mascara (not that I can put it on effectively anyhow).

My shortest pair of heels were 4" pairs. I walked around the mall once in them. Normally, all I do outside en femme is go to a restaurant and maybe a movie theater, so my heels are fine. I totally agree. I was one of those guys that was like a cat with catnip. Anytime I heard a woman walking in heels, I stopped what I was doing and just about lost my train of thought. Now, it is so interesting walking down the driveway, hearing that sound from my own feet! I love it.

[mykell]

Charlotte,
cant really comment about being out having an incident, im a stay at home girl,
but you have a right to go out wherever you wish without being hassled or harassed and some really good tips have been mentioned,
iv always believed that those who give you the hardest time are probably the deepest in the closet and think this may be the case here,
to serve as you have and find that those you protected act out at you this way make me sad. glad you had showed restraint.
i hope that this negative outing will be your last and you have a better time on you next ventures

as mentioned i use the lipstick method on the beard area, cover with foundation and then powder, feeling smooth is nice but the shadow is always there, ill use conditioner with the razor to get the straggler hairs,

you shared your shoe find with the "hooter" girls, they are cute, could you share with us....

[Claire Cook]

I love Jennifer's response as well! When dressed, I avoid testosterone-laden venues. I'm not looking for guys, and my femme side much prefers femme activities and femme company. If I do a sports bar, it's en drab. (And there is no way I'll pass as a Hooters Girl!)

While I have had some questions ("Are you a boy or a girl?") they have been ones of polite interest. Maybe I've been lucky.

[JamieOH]

I dress from the time I stop working to the time I go back To work. The closest I've come was a male cashier kept calling me dude and man. And the lady behind me snapped at him and said "look here young man. This is a lady before you, and she deserves respect. " or something along those lines
Then Complimented my dress. Truthfully it didn't bother me. I don't dress for Attention. I Dress for me. I go everywhere dressed. But by everywhere I mean everywhere I want to go. I don't go to hooters because I don't find it appealing. I am not a club or bar person. Spent 20 years in bands. Been there. Done that. Burned the tshirt and a few brain cells.

I dress more conservative. More real woman I guess. Flats. Wedges. Tea length or maxi dresses. Tshirts n jeans. Tunics n leggings. Looooove leggings. ;)

I don't try to worry about concealer and stuff because I am me. I would love to get laser hair removal. And have no facial hair. But it hasn't been a big deal. After 40+ years denying and hating myself, I couldn't give a rats behind what some young Punk thinks.


Now also keep in mind that I over compensated when I was in denial. So I am a stocky guy and put me in a dress and I think most people Don't want to confront me. Lol. But I am sure if I went to a place Like hooters I wouldn't have the Same experience

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Your going to have the occasional bad night out, there isn't anyone who doesn't. Its just life. Yes, there was an above board rudeness involved but that is a minor part of our population. Just hold your head up, live your life, and move forwards so that the good nights out can make you smile all the more. believe me when I say that attitude is everything ;)

*hugs*
Bethany

[Rachel Morley]

If you're going hang out at places like this you'll have to get used to either obnoxious males who clock you or obnoxious males who hit on you. ...... If you want more pleasant encounters patronize upscale venues and events. You may still be clocked, but at least the people who do so are polite and still treat you as the gender you are presenting.

Gee, while I do love your outfit so much, especially your heels, I'm afraid I do have to agree with Erin. Hooters is not a place I would go to with friends never mind on my own. Personally I find that the more upscale the venue (even if it's busy) the better I'm treated. I know we can "technically" go anywhere we like but there are some places that IMHO really aren't the best choices.

[Alice_2014_B]

I really have no idea where the LGBT-friendly places are. I don't even know for sure if there are any in this area.

Being from the southeast, *cough*, Mississippi, I can understand that hun.
Move up here to the northwest, lol, we'll totally hang out!
(I lol'ed the moving part, not the hanging out part)

[Eryn]

BTW, you don't need an "LGBT" venue, just one where people are more polite.

For example, you won't have any problems if you go to this:

http://soaugusta.org/

or this:

http://augustaplayers.org/

[Maria in heels]

some people just are crude...sorry to hear that you had to experience this. BTW, love those pumps!

[DAVIDA]

There are places in Augusta that are friendly to us.:thumbsup:
Look online for some.
I'll bet that you would have had the same, or worse response if you went to the Country Club right behind Hooters.
I am a native here and Augusta is what you make of it.
You definitely can't judge the entire city because of some dude at a venue like Hooters.
It is also really popular with the Army folks from the fort. The guy you encountered could have been one of them and not even from here.:brolleyes:

[Ressie]

RenneB's shaving advice in post 30 is interesting. As an at home dresser, I keep wondering if any of you carry an electric razor in your purse for emergencies. I never try to get a perfect shave, but if I went out more often I would try Renne's technique.


Lastly, I never go out without completely making the ol' beard disappear. Shaving with a five-blade razor is habit. If you only do it once in a while, you'll get bumps. So I shave every day with the razor, four ways. Then when I think I've got it all, a little lotion and then a few touch ups with the razor again. Then it's red lipstick over the area. It's the opposite color of the beard and cancels it out pretty good. Then a pore filler (chaffing cream) then foundation. A little powder to fix it and I'm pretty good.

[RenneB]

As an at home dresser, I keep wondering if any of you carry an electric razor in your purse for emergencies.

This was what I had learned from chatting with other girls and from watching the utube. I carry a disposable razor in my purse for those long outings when I need a touch up...

Renne.....

[NavyM2F_WAM]

It's good to know that there are other people from this area on here! Maybe we should meet to hang out! I don't have any real friends, so it might be fun. Since I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have opportunities to see really hot girls. That is one of the reasons I went to Hooters. I'm a straight man, but I want to transition to become a lesbian woman.

I have never been to any bars in the Augusta area. I know that there are at least 2 "community-friendly" ones in the city, Club Argos and The Filling Station. That is from Google searches.

Normally, I go to restaurants like Applebee's, Buffalo Wild Wings, and the like (and maybe a movie theater). That is usually my limit for crossdressing outings. I want to go other places, as well.

This outing was stupid. And the guy wasn't from the Fort. He had facial hair, so he couldn't be in the military (unless he was on leave). However, I'm getting a little bit discouraged on my journey.

By the way, what is "The Country Club" like? I have heard people at work talking about it.


I bought them from a (local?) shoe store here called "Shoe!Time" (yes, the exclamation mark is in the name). I don't know if they have a website. I haven't found one for that store, yet.

[Eryn]

RE: carrying a razor for "emergencies":

Back when I was shaving a "touch up" meant removing my makeup, shaving, and reapplying the makeup. That was about an hour and needed a private restroom.

I quickly learned that it was not really a viable option so I worked on improving my beard cover and foundation. That worked until I made the decision to remove my beard.

[Bootsiegalore]

stay away from hooters!

[Mink]

man all this anti-hooters talk!

they have great food and friendly fun cute girls working what is not to like!

open up yr MIND!

[Eryn]

The food and the waitresses aren't the issue, it's the clientèle. Any sports bar would likely have the same dangers.

[NavyM2F_WAM]

I agree with Mink.

Hooters may not have the best food (and definitely not the best selection), but they have friendly, cute girls (and sometimes hot ones, too!) working there.

[Katy120]

Charlotte, You really need to invest in a good, five-blade razor. I'd recommend using Edge shaving cream with your new razor. Generally it takes two or three shaves to get a reasonably close shave for CD purposes. There are several valuable You Tube videos that will help you deal with the five o'clock shadow. All of these techniques won't guarantee you won't be subjected to some mean-spirited words or actions, but it might help.

[NavyM2F_WAM]

Thanks. I was using a Gillette Fusion, but I found much better success with a Venus. The comfort strips help, and the blades seem to work better. I had actually used shave gel and shaved the "normal" way (as opposed to dry shaving).

[JaytoJillian]

Wow, am I the only one who thinks this comment was kinda rude and judgmental? Please lighten up, KM. We're supposed to support one another. What's that old adage? "if you can't say something nice, then STFU?" Have a wonderful day!


you are just pretending to relax, have a bite and enjoy the game... you were there for one reason.

You were there to be seen..
You were definitely seen.

I bet you that those shoes have never seen the light of day outside of clubs and fetish conventions though....yuchh

[Rogina B]

Jillian, Not in those same words,but I agree with Kaitlyn's comment. It was not a "blendable" outfit for a Hooters..My own critical comment is that all of us should always critically look in the mirror before we step out the door into the mainstream world...unless you are there as a "GFer",we are judged INITIALLY on our appearance..May be wrong,but it is mostly true.

[NavyM2F_WAM]

I understand, but I only wear these types of shoes. My dress was midi-length, and covered a little bit more than a tank dress. I was not dressed provocatively.

What is a "GFer"?

[Nadya]

He probably said that to you because he was checking you out and then got embarrassed. I can sympathize on wanting to wear platform heels and the dress but even a woman that wore that to a Hooters would get a lot of scrutiny. An experience like that really shows you how childish these hormone-drive young man-babies really are. They probably pinched the waitresses butt too. Looking on the bright side, at least you've learned from the experience and know how to compose yourself. I'd say you might want to carry some pepper spray with you for protection and definitely not travel alone when out. That can be dangerous.

[Angie G]

Some people really do suck. Love the shoes hun.:hugs:
Angie

[Laura912]

Only one other person has suggested this. Is it possible that he was also a CD and was trying to help you? Maybe he has not been on this forum and learned a few manners to use when engaging another dresser in public. Reasons for suggesting this are: he only commented on the appearance of your beard maybe meant as a heads up for you to get a little more concealer, there was no further interaction with the table for the rest of the meal, and none of the people at the table followed you out of the restaurant. Yes, the experience was frightening and upsetting to you and this is not meant to change that. We were not there so it is difficult to tell if this interpretation could have applied to the situation.

[NavyM2F_WAM]

Thanks for the suggestions and all that.

I don't have any friends (people usually think I'm a stick in the mud or too uptight. I was raised in a strict Christian home, so I still hold onto some of those teachings. It makes people not want to do things with me.

[Badwolf]

Hooters actually seems like one of the better potential sports chains for us.

The girls are already used to getting hounded, so they have a high probability of supporting us en femme. I mean depending on the location, you may end up with small minded women as well, but if there are places where women traditionally bond together, its in places geared towards ogling women.

The rest of the sports bars, you'll get the same crowds with less potential for supportive people around.

[NavyM2F_WAM]

Well, are there any national, regional, or local places that are geared toward people like us? I would like to go to them (have to be in this area).

[Eryn]

Hamburger Mary's leaps to mind, but the closest location to you is Jacksonville.

One thing to consider is if you truly want to go to a place "geared toward people like us". If I go to a "LGBT-friendly" place I will usually have a good time, but since they are geared for us I will certainly be made. I don't mind this, but I will be part of the entertainment for many patrons of the establishment.

I usually go to mainstream places where, since most people don't even consider LGBT issues, my chances of blending in are better. I tend to avoid places where people are looking for potential mates as I don't need that kind of scrutiny.

[NavyM2F_WAM]

Actually, my soon-to-be ex-wife (who is cool with most everything now) mentioned that she wants to take me to Hamburger Mary's. I was in Jacksonville for eight years. She still lives there (her whole life, in fact).

I am looking for potential mates.

[LelaK]

Shopping at the mall one afternoon. Dressed much more conservatively than you - white blouse, blue jeans, flats, etc. - and a big guy walks up to me and spits in my face and says, "You're a disgrace!" This was right in the middle of the mall and EVERYONE is staring at me and I'm covered in some guys spit and shaking in fear and embarassment.

Nothing like that has happened to me in a very long time, but I can never forget that day.
That's why I don't plan to go too public myself. I'm not a very brave person and I try to avoid potential danger.

[Alice Torn]

Navy, I relate to you in a few ways. I spent 30 years in a very conservative church, and the only problem i have is their stance against us. I still have morals , but dressing is a deeply personal issue, i don't think most people religious or not comprehend. I also have no close friends, because of the same reasons you shared. I think more and more people are becoming loners, because trust is so hard to earn, and easy to lose.

[BillieAnneJean]

Real women are careful where they go and when they go there. M to F CDers do well to use the same common sense. If you go to a place like Hooters, you will be encountering men who want to see women in ridiculous "uniforms". It is a place that has more draw for guys than for women. It is loaded with testosterone. Same for sports bars, strip joints, and the after work bar/hangout that is by the factories. All a predominately male atmosphere. When a GG goes in there, by herself, dressed like you may have been, in anything other than sexually neutral, the guys will think that she is fair game. Although their actions were bad manners to you, I, and the waitresses, where those guys come from, the people they hang around with, their part of the culture, that behavior is "normal" or "guys just being guys". Even though you were totally innocent. it won't mean squat if you end up getting beat up over it.

Next time use some common sense and pick a place a single GG would go to.

[Alice Torn]

Billie Anne Jean has a good warning, common sense. If we go dressed to hilt, , it is like a place where fire (testosterone) is, and bringing a can of gasoline by the fire. Maybe try a classical music venue, like a classical concert in the park. I hope to do that tomorrow evening by myself. Or go to a mall, book store, safer place. It sounds like a good deal going to Jacksonville for you.

[NavyM2F_WAM]

What kind of places do single GGs go to? I am "on the prowl", as it were, so I want to be around attractive women, but I don't want to be in a situation like I was at that outing. Nor do I want to make anyone uncomfortable around me.

[BillieAnneJean]

Women on the prowl are typically sending out a signal. That signal is going out 360 degrees -every direction. It is ambiguous about anything other than notice me. That signal is received by all the sharks. If the location is a draw for male sharks then you can reasonably expect to have male sharks approach you. When the male sharks discover that the signal they have been receiving is misleading, not "truthful" and that their receiver has been purposely fooled, perhaps their ability to make a fundamental determination of gender, their image is in question with their heard, they may react in a manner the signal sender does not intend. In other words you got the attention you were asking for. Their reaction is entirely up to them. They had to show you that you were not fooling them, their ability to determine gender, the first decision in the sex sequence, was working well.
I am not sure you get it. If you want to attract ONLY women then you will be better off going to a venue frequented mostly by women.
If you go to a venue that caters mostly to men, then good luck. Eventually you are going to get something, although wrong, that is quite predictable.
I have interactions with GGs just about everywhere I go. I must be doing something "right". I go to places that GGs do. Not because I want to attract GGs. My wife is WAY MORE than anything I could ever find out there. I go to places GGs go to because they are typically safer for CDers.
So I don't have the adventures you had, I hope to never have the adventures you are going to have. Please keep posting your experiences because others need to see this type of behavior and the consequences.

[NavyM2F_WAM]

Politely correct me if I'm wrong, but was that an attempt to just call me a little bit stupid and foolish?

If I knew what type of places to go to, then I might go there more often. I'm sorry I had this bad experience, but I don't really have people to help me, and besides, I'm in the Augusta, Georgia area, the most backward and non-helpful city for the alternative lifestyle community. If I was in the Atlanta area, then I might have better times. I think even Savannah or Columbia are better.

[HipHugger]

I've never understood the allure of Hooters either. <shrugs> Only been there a couple times but the food was mediocre, the prices high for what you got, and (obviously) the whole name of the game is to have artificially "pretty" women pay attention to men to upsell in whatever way possible.

I dunno, maybe I'd have enjoyed it 20 years ago, but now it just seems kind of silly. Of course I'm not big on the sports bar scene in general - I'd rather, if I'm going to a bar, go someplace with good, live music, or even quieter so I could talk more easily to the folks I'm with.

But back to Navy's original issue - hard to tell from a text description of the event, but my first take on it was that they were attempting to denigrate you or provoke you. Probably there was no issue with your "beard" they just pegged you as a CD and chose that line to make you get under your skin.

Long story short, like many others have said, I'd try some different venues - maybe steer clear of the sports bar scene.

[Alice Torn]

Navy, I am 60, and long before i started to dress fully, at 51, i have wonder how the heck married people met their mates. I have not found many single women anywhere looking . In Rockford Illinois, it has always been a bad place to try to find a girlfriend or wife! I here some people meet at college. i was a poor blue collar sensitive guy, could not afford more than a few courses at a community college. Personal ads? Some find mates there, but i have had little success there. Bars? NOT! Singles clubs? Some dancing, but no close relationships. We all need to be improving ourselves, unlearning some things, learning better things. I have been a messed up work in recovery and trying to change, but I notice, that after 45 or so, many, if not most "single" women i run into, are divorced, and really don't want to date again, unless you are quite financially successful. Trying times, these, in some ways like no other time.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I would not rely on a drunk frat boy to give one an accurate, objective appraisal of one's job covering their beard. He probably said that just because it was the first thing that came to his mind (might have said something about one's adam's apple showing or something instead.) Even if you do have shadow, it does not mean you are not getting a close enough shave. You can run a blade across your face until it bleeds, the shadow under the skin will not go away short of permanent removal (or at least permanent hair count reduction.)

Whatever it is worth, I think the dress is fine and not inappropriate. The shoes were too high, but I totally understand the appeal and why you would want to wear them. I would never judge someone for wanting to wear the shoes they like, I would only express concern for your safety. Wanting to wear really high heels does not make one "stupid", one needs to be careful in public, but it does not make someone "stupid". Many of us dress to please ourselves, and not to necessarily reflect what GGs do.

A few years out of college, by my late 20s, I found it almost impossible to meet new people much less find a date. I guess at that point in life people start marrying off, having kids and/or have a job they are to practically married to 24-7 (I am in this position), and the pool really begins to narrow (and that as a cis man looking for a cis hetero GG.)

[Brianna_H]

Hi, Navy. This response is in regard to your question about meeting people, rather than your original post. Of course, I sympathize with getting called out in public. What a bummer.

As far as meeting people, you really have to invest in the long term. What I mean is finding communities of people you generally like. Do you have any hobbies (besides crossdressing! lol)? Are there conventions for any of your interests where you can mingle with folks of similar interests within range?

I play roleplaying games, like Dungeons and Dragons, but it's a huge field. The conventions for that hobby are much more diverse than they've ever been, with more ladies and families showing up. That crowd is mostly male, but the point is that there are communities out there where you may find belonging.

If you're well and truly stuck in the boondocks, the internet really may be your only refuge. Again, I think finding communities is your best bet. Play video games? Most VG communities are full of idiot 12 year olds who call everyone names. However, there are some communities for games like world of warcraft that are specifically LGBT friendly, just for example.

When I was single I actually had some luck with online dating sites, like match.com. It seems crazy, but it can actually work.

I know what it's like to be crazy lonely for years at a time. It seems impossible sometimes to ever find anyone who will appreciate you, but there are 6+ billion people on earth. There's someone out there for you. Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say, but you'll never find what you want if you don't keep fishing and trying new techniques.

So many clichés, I know. Best of luck to you, sweetie.

[stefan37]

Again I don't think the guy that said something to you was necessarily being mean. He made the comment and moved in with no further interaction. That said until you are more experienced with your presentation expect more comments, ridicule, stares etc. If you have not had substantial facial hair removal. Beard cover is essential regardless how close you shave. Check out YouTube videos to see how this can be accomplished. PetriLude has some very good videos for makeup application.

Observe how woman are dressed for everyday activities. Try to emulate that apparel and go about your business. Leave the dresses and heels home for now. Become comfortable interacting with the public at convience store, grocery stores, malls etc. As you start to gain confidence and feel more comfortable you can ratchet up the dress.

You have spoken you would like to transition. Seek out and attend a transgender group. Meet people that are cross dressing and transitioning. They will be more than willing to help. Many have functions when they go out as a group. You will feel comfortable being in a group.

Going out and interaction with the public will require you to have a thick skin and a strong this is me attitude. You need to project confidence and OWN who you are.

[Aleca]

I congratulate you for going out, even if it was a negative experience you learned something from it. Fortunately it didn't transpire into anything worse. It can be demoralizing, especially when you have taken the time and energy to get out of the closet and look pretty-that really hurts. I believe what you are saying, that there isn't much in Augusta -and to go to Hooters about the only place you felt you could go out. I can only picture it as ultra-conservative and upscale from the big golf tournament and country club there though I 'm sure there is more to the city than that. I am sure it is hard enough to get to Atlanta or Savannah, nearby but far enough away that you might not have enough money or time to get there. Probably the best of what you will find in Augusta will be the LG groups of the LGBT crowd. Maybe even try to find a LGBT therapist - just someone you can talk to - who will listen as well.

[NavyM2F_WAM]

Thank you all for the advice and comments. I have no idea if there are any LGBT groups in this area. I keep googling it, but come up short. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place.

I'm waiting for my soon-to-be ex-wife to file the divorce paperwork. After that, I would be totally free to be with anyone. I'm not homosexual or into guys in any way. I'm only into women or POSSIBLY post-op T-girls, like I want to become.

I love wearing platform pumps, especially those that are at least 4" tall. Those are the only heels I wear.

Hooters appeals to me because I usually don't get to hang out with girls that are even remotely hot. When I'm there, I feel more normal. They are hot, and are dressed in appealing ways, kind of how I'd like to.

[Ressie]

Waiting for the wife to file? I wouldn't do much in the way of dating until the divorce is final, but I don't know your situation (kids, how long married etc.) or what terms you are on with her. Be careful and good luck.

[NavyM2F_WAM]

I can totally understand. As for my situation, we don't have any kids. We would have been married 10 years this month. We are on very good terms. She wants to still be friendly with me. Thanks for your concern.

[amyjacks2014]

Greetings,

I absolutely LOVE the red dress. Despite living in Wyoming, which has a reputation of
being very conservative when it comes to people acting differently and such, I have
not had an experience as you have had. I am hoping that this becomes more the
exception, rather than the rule.

Amy M. Jackson